Mortal Kombat II

Oh thank God, it's better!

Actually a vast improvement on every front in my estimation, I actually had a pretty good time with this movie! Damn near everyone is back but what kinda took me by surprise is how much time we spend with newcomers Kitana played by Adeline Rudolph and Johnny fucking Cage played by Karl fucking Urban which isn't necessarily a bad thing, Kitana has major ties to our new big bad on the scene Shao Khan and I really loved what they did with Johnny making him a washed up martial arts film star thrown into the deep end of the pool. Of course it's great to see Jessica, Ludi, and Tadanobu again and they still do very fine work, hell I'll even give a bit of credit and say they juggled the roster list pretty solidly! Everyone gets their own fights and moments to shine equally which has always kinda been the cardinal sin with the fighting games turned into movies. This really does seem like a movie for the fans, so much was thrown in from characters, to arenas, to moves, to little easter eggs here and there. Now can I freely admit to you all the last Mortal Kombat game I played was coincidentally 2 on the Super Nintendo and technically 3 on the arcade cabinet? Just did. So there's probably a good bit that I missed but the fact alone we got my favorite character Baraka in this, and he was great, and they didn't throw his ass out like they did in Annihilation gets you at least a solid 1.5 points added to your score movie! The only thing I could kinda bitch about and this is the most pathetic thing to bitch about so tune me out creators of this film who read the reviews, but the selection of arenas for the fights left just a bit to be desired. We have one courtyard for I swear 3 or 4 fights, we have the spike room (not the pit sadly), the acid room which was beautifully accurate, and the portal sans the creepy floating monks. God awful? Of course not. But even my novice ass knows you have a practical buffet of arenas to throw a fucking dart at, but other than that terribly nitpicky ass aside, pretty good movie! Fights are varied, they got no problem bodying people which could piss some people off admittedly, the kills make the first movie look pathetic in comparison in terms of gore and inventive gore at that. It moves at a good pace, the characters aren't super deep but have good motivation, the effects are really nice, they even got some neat-o cinematography in there at times which I very much appreciated, and it was actually pretty damn funny! I was surprised how many laughs I got, so well done on that front writers! It appears my hope and faith was not mislaid, and while it does kinda sequel bait the shit out of the end which I have several questions about because heeeey Mortal Kombat noob over here, I'm happy with it. So I guess I have my best of both worlds with the 1995 first movie and the 2026 second movie, and I am rather curious what the die hard fans think about it. All in all I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, and I will see y'all next week for another new release.

Sonic The Hedgehog 3

Best of the series?

I do genuinely think it is the most fun and entertainment I've personally had at one of these movies. They did have me sold full truth here since the end of the last movie on Shadow alone, so I was very much looking forward to this. And if you've seen the trailer you know the gist, Shadow has escaped containment and is battling team Sonic (cute reference) while Robotnik meets his long lost grandpappy as they command a doomsday weapon. Solid plot for a video game movie, and speaking as an individual who has really only played five Sonic games, Sonic 1 & 2, Sonic Adventure 1 & 2, and Sonic Heroes but has beat precisely zero of them I loved seeing all the easter eggs and especially Shadow's backstory seen on the big screen. Since we already know most of the players let's talk about our new arrivals. Keanu Reeves though not my immediate first choice for Shadow conveys everything you need to know and does do a damn fine job juggling the heartbreak, rage, and initial confusion to his origins in the flashback scenes and it was absolutely awesome to see so many nods to his character from the games, motorcycle and guns included! As for Robotnik Sr. I was very surprised to see him as the true threatning villain, sure he has his moments of humor but at the end of the day he is a serious villain and I applaud Jim for being able to bring both sides to the table, plus the guy is a manipulative bastard and it like works too and doesn't feel slapdash in the writing. Commendable! I'll add on a brief opinion of seeing Sonic actually buckle the hell down and get serious even vengeful was a good move and added more to his character. I was hoping and praying they wouldn't do the thing, I didn't say anything cause I didn't want to jinx it, but they can't let a trilogy be a trilogy. Granted it was even I'll admit a great mid credits scene but come on! We went out on a relatively high note, with multiple instances of goosebumps at the climax, it's a solid made film with very good production values, the writing and humor still worked for me, it did what every sequel should do, and I was very happy to see it! We had a pretty healthy attendance at the screening and hearing the kids get so excited seeing stuff like Shadow and the Chao's while also laughing at Jim Carrey put me in a good mood. Thumbs up from me, 3 stars, 7.5/10! And next week is the end and what more of a perfect day to end it on than Christmas, at least it'll be a spooky Christmas...

In Retrospect: Sonic The Hedgehog 2

Alright I've made a bit of peace with it.

See this is really why I do these In Retrospects and honestly it's been a hot ass minute since the last one but it was time to watch Sonic 2 again. Yeahhh it still kinda has a tangent issue even if it's a relatively small one, but the plot does keep moving and while the human characters aside from Robotnik could have been written and utilized differently, they don't ruin the movie. The Hawaii stuff no doubt was compared to the Canto Bight scenes from Last Jedi, but like that sequence it isn't terribly long and isn't boring either. The dynamic between Sonic and Tails is really nice, the fragile alliance with Eggman and Knuckles is interesting to watch, the eventual shift with Knuckles makes sense and I like the fact he has the personality of an honorable warrior. Let's just be on the level right here right now, this is a movie for kids and that's exactly what they delivered so I can make a fuss or simply acknowledge that despite my big kid heart it doesn't all work for me and that's fine. I mean yeah, Jim and Idris are still undoubtedly the highlights of the film but that's not a besmirch on Ben and Colleen who still commit fully to the roles! I'll be interested to see if Sonic gets a bit of a character arc in the 3rd movie to go from a fully comedic hero to having a severe sense of seriousness that can be seen progressing film to film. I don't really want to trash talk the effects, because they're not bad at all but it is easy to see the strings as it were, but how else would they have implemented the game's art direction otherwise? We get to see so many nods to the games shown faithfully and with love, so I couldn't possibly give it good grief. Loved seeing the Chaos Emerald and super saiyan Sonic (Try saying that 3 times fast!), the various Robotnik robo-transports, a flat out Sega Genesis instruction manual, that's great stuff! One minor quibble that I just can't let go is, if you take the time and more importantly the money to buy the rights for songs why in the holy love of fuck are we just playing 30 seconds of it?? Just play the damn song! I want Robotnik's world domination playlist you sum'bitch, if frick fraking Walk by Pantera is track #1 you damn well better give me more! And yes I fully headcanon Eggman is a thrash metal kind of guy. Odd thing to bitch about but I go on weird tangents myself, so game recognize game. It's a decent video game movie and that's all I really needed from it. Will Shadow, my favorite Sonic character by the by, elevate this series and could we have a banger of a film hit this Friday? I'd be a happy camper if that was the case! So I'll bump up the score a notch to 2.5 stars, 6.5/10! And apologies in advance for not getting a review out for the Knuckles series, I do not have every streaming platform under the sun and frankly never will so I'll see you later on this week.

Borderlands

As a complete and utter noob to this video game series, the movie ain't that bad.

When picking showtimes today this had a whopping 3% on the asswipe of a review website Rotten Tomatoes to which I replied, I'll judge that for myself. And while it's probably not a flawless adaptation and truthfully is a more loose and carefree adventure film with a firm layer of cheese to it, it's decent. It starts off as a kidnap retrieval but spirals into a bit of a treasure hunt as we link up with several members of a dysfunctional group, Lilith a bounty hunter, Roland a soldier, Krieg a bulky specimen not too far from the Mad Max series, Tina the girl kidnapped who kicks off this plot, and Claptrap a quirky robot. In fact quirky kinda sums it up for me, this is a movie that unabashedly just does it's own thing with little consideration for others, the action ranges from typical to wild, the comedy though it did get a few laughs out of me is that particular kind of offbeat where most would claim it cringeworthy, the production and worldbuilding are a teensy bit shaky but overall solid, and the soundtrack actually did a few things for me. But of course this is all from the perspective of someone who knows nothing about the Borderlands video games, I know it's highly stylized with almost cel shading, is based entirely on getting better loot, and seems completely friggin' nuts. I won't mind playing it one day so I can only judge it as a movie on it's own merits. Personally I loved Cate Blanchett to bits in this movie, she looks like she's having a lot of fun and God have mercy on my soul for how much I was crushing on her! Just whew. Ariana Greenblatt I could see some giving a lot of good grief for playing this bratty, better than you, nutball of a kid but I liked her just fine and adored the relationship she had with Krieg. It did take me a quick sec to realize Jack Black voices Claptrap who got the most laughs out of me, and it's been a bloody minute since I've had a four way tie of favorite characters in this film! I don't know if I can pick one over the other, they all bring something that I love and enjoy to the table! Fascinating world that was potrayed, had some Blade Runner, had a fair mix of Mad Max, felt even a bit D&D at periods with some of the encounters. Is it great? No. Is it flat out bad? Far from it. It sits in the middle for me, I can recommend it if you have a taste for oddball adventure stories and hodgepodge character parties. This may sound strange but this movie gave me early 2000s vibes around that 2003 to 2006 era of both sci-fi movies and live action kids movies, it's all just bizzare but hey maybe that fits the world of Borderlands just fine. I give it 2.5 stars, 6.5/10! 

Doom

Yyyeah that's about what I expected.

It's an early 2000s video game adaptation, they tried admittedly but it ain't all that and a bag of chips. I am kinda new to the Doom thing, played a good few levels of the first, beat the 2016 and Doom Eternal games that was a lot of fun and a wonderful de-stresser, and I'm fairly pumped for The Dark Ages so I figured it was worth at least a look into the movie. Now let's just be on the level here there isn't much plot in Doom, even novelizations of Doom are just demon, bang bang, moving on. So it's not a hard story to botch...but. The movie isn't bad, but it ain't too friggin' great either. Set in the fairly distant future of 2046 where humans have set up a research station on Mars where oopsy daisy we unearthed some evil and a tactical team of marines are transported there essentially to rescue scientists before getting knee deep in the dead. Serviceable story, but the devil is in the details and that's where the score wanes a bit. Admittedly the cast is decent with Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike, Dwayne Johnson, Richard Brake, and Deobia Oparei with some admittedly acting better than others but they get the job done. I will give a good amount of respect and props for the singular fact that the director of the movie wanted to do as much in camera, it could have been absurdly simple to take the easy way out and CG the bejeezus out of this movie but you get plenty of sets that are fairly extensive, full on creature suits from Stan Winston's company, and only usage of CG when it's necessary. That is some commendable shit for 2005, and for a video game adaptation at that! I'm not sure if Doom 3 had much influence on the movie with it being released a year beforehand, but this leans more towards the "horror" than the action. And I use bunny ears there because it's the most lackluster horror in a horror movie I've ever seen if you even want to call it that. My biggest gripe about the movie is the demons, or aliens, or whatever the fuck they are cause they're not from Hell, interesting designs admittedly but I have never seen a bigger batch of wimps in my life. You're demons, you don't run and sneak attack if someone shoots at you, you disembowl them and chew on their eyes! Like seriously the action is so just not good, this is DOOM we are talking about and the gunplay is below average. I understand they only had so much budget and couldn't do a shooting range with 20 monsters in a room with explosive barrels and all that, but it needed to pump that energy up. At the start okay fine, you need some buildup and mystery. But the action if anything should have escalated to a fever pitch as the movie progressed to the one on one boss fight essentially. But it's much of the same, wandering ill lit hallways and trying desperately to even see a monster let alone make it swiss fucking cheese. Even when they do a first person view with some shooty action near the end it's less Doom and more interactive DVD menu. But they did put effort into it, this wasn't a cash grab with a big middle finger to the audience and fans, even if everything didn't work it's not a terrible film. Honestly my feelings can be summed up in the box office revenue, the film had a budget of $60 million and the box office gross was $58 million. So close, just a little off, nearly but no cigar. That sums it up. And I wasn't hopping in here ready to be blown away or expecting something grand, I just gotta call it like I see it. I would rather just watch someone play Doom for about 90 minutes, but that's just me. I'm sure there's a fan of it somewhere and I won't put you down man. It's a decent movie but I have no urge to watch it again, so I give it 2 stars, 5.5/10!

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

This is gonna be hard to rate.

I almost don't know what to say about this movie considering it's been talked about enough since the movie came out and even more so when internet critics became popular, so all it comes down to is my opinion. Now the idea of a Mario movie doesn't sound difficult even despite the sheer lack of story in the games at that point and quite frankly beyond, so I genuinely do appreciate what they did and what they were trying to do. Seeing Mario and Luigi as plumbers from Brooklyn works really well, and they feel real enough so that when the weird shit happens they don't just immediately roll with it and have a solid course of action. True the whole parallel dimension thing is a bit odd but how would they have introduced all the fantastical stuff? That's kinda the problem with this movie, it's really not a clean cut good/bad kind of film, it's a mixed bag of good stuff, perplexing stuff, and interesting stuff. I feel it almost has to be a split rating, what do you think of it as a movie and what do you think of it as an adaptation of a game? So let's dig in a bit. The story or more the set up for the story is hit and miss, with the Mario brothers going about their normal business when they meet a young girl named Daisy with a mysterious origin and not long after that she gets kidnapped so they go after her. And then it gets weird, falling through a dimensional fissure they emerge in the city of Dinohattan where all residents naturally evolved from reptiles instead of apes led by the tyrannical Koopa who has plans to invade our dimension to further his kingdom so the boys gotta get back Daisy, thwart Koopa, and somehow get back home. Not a horrible story on paper, and the logistics and worldbuilding they do may be considered too realistic but I feel it helps the movie's style and tone. Dinohattan is a mish mash of Blade Runner, Mad Max, with an unhealthy overdose of fungus and the script thinking of what if there was a world with reptiles but no mammals. So they did put effort into crafting this world and thinking it out. There's no fossil fuels so everything including the cars are electric, there's no furs or much cloth for clothing so it's mostly leather, the denizens move more like dinosaurs and aren't completely evolved to look like homosapiens. All those neat touches add to the score and it's genuinely a world I would want to see evolve through more movies. The characters are defined well enough with good acting and decent chemistry I found with some offbeat things about it but nothing bad. The effects are really really good actually, again going back to a time where CGI was used only when necessary so the vehicles, props, Goombas, Yoshi, and stunts were legit! You cannot prove to me otherwise that Yoshi is real and alive, it's right there breathing and moving in front of your eyes! The music's okay but it's got some good tracks that I enjoy. With so many good points you'd think why exactly do people hate this movie yet I know the friggin' answer. The production was a nightmare and I can pin this down to two sources, the directors and the studio. The studio wanted something more kid friendly and colorful while the directors who were a married couple wanted to give it some edge and not just make a kids movie. Not horrible intentions of course, but how the actual production went, in particular the shooting, made the project into a shit show. Constant daily rewrites, the directors not communicating the schedule and what they had to get shot, rushed in editing, and emotions ran high. It really sucked reading that Bob and John were utterly miserable on the set to where they had to drink heavily just to make it through, cause I do like their performances and the energy they bring when working in tandem together. They genuinely are decent in the lead roles, I like the romances they have with Daniella and Daisy respectively, that's not a bad element to the story. Dennis Hopper as Koopa, weird ass choice but he accepted, and unfortunately doesn't get to go batshit but I can't truthfully say he sucked in this either. Of course you got your little references and easter eggs and those are cool, I totally want a wind up Bob-Omb! And you know maybe, just maybe, I'm being nice because I was a fan of this movie when I was young but I also haven't watched it in about 15 years and I'm just calling it as I see it. Regardless of what you think about the quality of it, it's a fascinating little movie. The fact that whatever momentum it had going for it was completely nuked by the release of Jurassic Park just 2 weeks later in and of itself is crazy. The 90s man, the fuck was with this decade and dinosaurs?? I was a dinosaur kid for a lot longer than most other kids, we're talking from like 98 or 99 all the way to about 2004, all due to this decade's fascination with these legendary extinct creatures. But the movie has a fanbase that seems to be growing bit by bit over three decades since it's release with some individuals finding a print with many deleted scenes and made a pretty packed Blu-Ray from what I've heard. And yeah, you're gonna have to buy that Blu-Ray. Why? Because this movie is on zero streaming platforms, you either need to own it on home video or be like me and taped it off Starz in the early 2000s and you still have your VHS of it all these years later. It's the only true way to watch it in my opinion. So what's the score here? As an adaptation of a Mario game, of which there were about 4 console games at that point, I'd give it a 6/10. But just as a movie all by itself, I'm gonna give it a 7/10. It's really not that bad, just a bit odd in how it came to be. And if you really need a second opinion of it, Shigeru Miyamoto the creator of the Mario series, stated that the movie may have been a little too close to the games and focused on being a video game movie instead of just a fun movie on it's own. Maybe he's just being nice too, but I don't doubt the man himself. So 30 years have passed, video game movies are at a better standing now than they ever were, so what will the new movie accomplish? Will it just be a 90 minute cutscene from the new games, or will it have something going for it? Well I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, I haven't heard the Mario voice or any voice for that matter. See you tomorrow.

Sonic The Hedgehog 2

See this is why we go back and watch things again, just so you know how good you had it.

I wanted it to work, I wanted it to be good, I enjoyed the first movie a good deal and had zero clue what this movie was about. No trailers, no TV spots, fully blind watching, and booooy did a good chunk of it fall so flat for me. It's not even bad, there is undoubtedly parts I vastly enjoy in this but there is a lot of unnecessary stupid bits. Which you would think a story that involves Sonic and Tails vs. Robotnik and Knuckles in the race for the chaos emerald wouldn't be that difficult to make good, and in fact when the story focuses on those dynamics and the actual story it's fairly fun and enjoyable. However. This script is such a mess that desperately tries to have set up and payoff but fumbles it so bad and it wasn't even as funny as the last one. For instance they take James and Tika out of the movie, they're off to Hawaii, cool but a bit tropey, so now the story can focus on Sonic and Tails without our humans being in danger. Nope. An extended sequence of the film takes place in Hawaii with our humans who albiet are still cute as hell together but this movie goes on tangents. I thought Halloween Kills got sidetracked. Naw good friends, this is sidetrack the movie for a good chunk of it. But when we get back on track and see Robotnik and Knuckles scheme, or our dynamic duo finding clues to the emerald it works fairly good. It's super difficult to fully judge it because there is plenty I love, and more than enough of stuff I felt was unnecessary, idiotic, slightly pandering, and just eh. This is a movie that falls in the middle, it's not bad but not that good. So what did I like about it? Voice cast is still doing good, I like Colleen as Tails, Idris Elba is still my king and is easily the best part of the whole damn film, Jim is still fun to watch, I like more of the video game lore they bring in and incorporate into this world, hell even the cliffhanger gives me some hope they can regain their footing and give us a good 3rd movie. But it just is okay, 2.5 stars, 6/10 for real this time. Kind of a bummer for the end of this week so I might have something up my sleeve to try and go out on a good note.

In Retrospect: Sonic The Hedgehog

I can't honestly believe I haven't seen this since opening day two years ago.

But I think it goes to show how much I remembered, which was essentially everything, and looking back on my review I think I was a bit rough on it. Not at all that I hated it but a 6.5/10 seems a bit mean. I think I enjoyed myself and liked the movie more on the second viewing, now that I have the ability to rewind and pause I could take my time and appreciate what was presented. For the first film in a series, it actually sets up it's universe with relative ease and intrigue knowing such famous iconography from the games but adapted in an interesting way. Sonic's world is just like the games, the rings are transport portals, we get some set up with the Echidnas though brief it is, I think taking a rather stereotypical megalomaniac scientist like Robotnik and working it as a highly inventive and intelligent man who views everyone else as idiots and prefers robots works flawlessly. It's just like I said, it's The Riddler but more techy and I love that. Jim is still the best part of the movie period and made me laugh even harder to the point of almost tears, and hearing murmurs of him retiring from acting does kinda break my heart. Ben Schwartz I found to be proper good this time around, able to pick up more on Sonic's personality and mannerisms. He is a teenager, a late teenager perhaps, but he still has that emotional angst and high octane energy that a kid would have, just trying to figure out how to fit in, I very much liked that. James Marsden has expert chemistry with Tika Sumpter, being such a endearing and cute couple, and seeing a cop in a movie just try to be a helpful individual and not a super bad ass, action movie, bang bang you're dead type character was heavily appreciated in this movie. Another aspect I was like, wow spot on work guys, was the pacing. Expert pacing, perfect runtime, can keep up the pace without going super fast and still have brief moments to wind down, they knew exactly how long this should be and what they should keep in. It's wild enough to keep your interest, but still fairly grounded, yeah you could argue this is a movie that could end in about 30 minutes but while the rings are a slightly unnecessary McGuffin in the grand scheme I feel the point was more about the characters and not the plot. So it will be super interesting to see exactly what occurs in the second movie and where it will leave off. So yeah, a sure fire improvement that I was happy to watch again. Existence of this series, totally justified. 3.5 stars, 7.5/10, new movie time again coming on up in 2 & 2.

Professor Layton And The Eternal Diva

An unexpected example but honestly one of the best.

When I heard tale that there was a movie based on the popular puzzle video game series of Professor Layton, I was quite shocked but fully ready and waiting to get around to this. Though I am base level novice when it comes to the games, I've only beaten the first game, I think I'd be hardpressed to find more faithful video game adaptations than here. And I truthfully think as far as my knowledge goes, the reason the film works so well is because the same team or at least the major developers of the games had hands on crafting of the movie. The story akin to the games takes basically an anime version of Sherlock Holmes, where Professor Layton and his young apprentice Luke are puzzle solvers and have had a habit of accepting cases around the world, where the latest involves an opera theater being held hostage with the audience members forced to solve clues to find the mythical location of the elixir of life. It's a pretty outrageous story but it's a pretty outrageous world in the games too, mostly taking a more old world style with bits of steampunk thrown here and there, yet still keeping a timeless and anachronistic look. The animation is wonderful, effortlessly bringing the character designs in fluid motion, with some of the most intricately designed beautiful backgrounds that I more would see in a Studio Ghibli or Pokemon 3 type project. It's entirely unique to this world and the effort shows in aces throughout. The mystery aspect though not as in depth as I originally thought it to be, there's only a total of 4 puzzles max, still kept my interest and certain problems got me thinking and half the time correctly on top of that. It sure does throw curveballs at you, granted I had no idea where the story would go but I figured oh cool a mystery at the opera. Awesome! Nope. The theater turns into a boat. Yyyyyeah. Then you think oh it's a mystery on a cruise liner. Nope. And it just keeps going from there, and you can bet your ass that ending reveal pulled a venusian akido flip on me. It's certainly watchable for kids, and keeps a light adventurous feel to it but the ending handles some serious life stuff and almost passes into Fullmetal Alchemist territory though nowhere near as f***ed up. I was heavily impressed all the way through, and while I could poke fun at the ludicrous stuff, or go on another Phantom tangent because how could I not, or make the joke that the day is saved by music and green water a la´ Pokemon 2000, but I like it too much. It's the epitome of escapist adventure/mystery fiction. Now I will say the soundtrack is spectacular, dare I say sublime. There's just something that happens, and most of the time magical when a japanese composer creates music for a traditional orchestra. Like the music is so good I'm kinda pissed how good it is, like how dare you be so beautiful and immaculate? There's just so much to enjoy here and goes straight to the top of video game adaptations like Animal Crossing. In all fairness I'll give it a good 4 stars, 9/10, and I can't find many more video game movies so we're talking Sonic before Sonic 2.

Uncharted

Well there I go again, beating my record this time in forgetting to post a review. I may be getting too old for this.

Now I will state, I have never played Uncharted, I know nothing about Uncharted, my knowledge extends to Nathan Drake is a treasure hunter and the gameplay style is a run and gun type with wild setpieces. That's it. So going in this blind would be an understatement, how was it to the uninitiated eye? I thought it was decent, I found the movie very well paced and the story of not just finding gold but possibly reconnecting with Nathan's long lost brother was a strong one for me. I mean the movie practically is Indiana Jones for the modern age and Tom Holland though even an odd choice of casting for myself does a good job with the material and it shows a young and learning Nathan coming into his own so I thought he handled all that well. Marky Mark is a complete asshole and it's great, playing a constantly lying and two timing mentor to Nathan named Sully, he's such a wise ass but a very likable one which I appreciate. Antonio Banderas as a villain somewhat worked for me, because I know him to be more hero orientated and is a nice fella so while the menace didn't fall flat his character was just sorta there. I suppose I was somewhat right in calling the character of Chloe played by Sophia Ali, who I fully 100% pinned as a heel turn and she definitely filled that part but in the end is just as two timing as Sully and just wants to come out on top while working in tandem with our crew. Now Tati Gabrielle knocks it out of the park in my opinion cause I truly did not like her character and that's the whole point, she's a villain and a smug bastard at that so her acting for this role 10/10! Again, I'm not sure if specific elements of the games were adapted or if they crafted something new but it's a decent treasure hunt film and it genuinely did make me interested to play all the games and find out why they are so popular and loved. So hey, it wasn't a total waste. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and it's probably a terrific time to get my hands on all these games for reasonable prices.

In Retrospect: Detective Pikachu

I finally figured it out guys.

The thought occured to me while I was watching this movie, why is Detective Pikachu the absolute best video game movie? What makes this film have the secret ingredient that other video game movies have tried and failed to have for decades? Other movies have not entirely replicated their games, the Super Mario Bros. Movie took liberties with the story, Street Fighter The Movie didn't follow the plot perfectly, yet this one worked. Why? And it took me forever to find out but now I know, Pokemon has no story. It just doesn't. What is the plot of Pokemon Red and Blue? You journey out into the world, collect fantastical creatures, and challenge leaders of various gyms until in the end there can be only one. And that is why this movie works! You can do whatever you wish with the story and it would completely work. Pokemon is a crafted miracle, this series has existed for just as long if not longer than myself, so 25 years, and though it hasn't reached that Pokemania fever in the late 90s leading into the new millenium again, it is still popular, still beloved, still embedded in pop culture. Now I'm not saying Pokemon could be the one and only video game series that could eveeerrrr be made into a movie, with the right creative team you could make a Legend Of Zelda movie, you could make a Halo movie, You could make an Earthbound movie for crying out loud! It is all possible. Now let's be harshly true with ourselves, video game movies are nearly impossible to make and make well. But Pokemon is that golden child because it has just enough of reality mixed with the fantastical elements to make it work, it has always been a feasible movie to make. You take our normal everyday world, throw in some creative creatures, and bam you got a series you could do anything with. It's really quite amazing. Plus you add perfect timing with my generation having kids of their own and this was always going to be a surefire hit! But does the film work on repeat viewing when you know the solution to the mystery? Ehhhh....some things really work, I love what they did with Ditto, I love the fact they pull a 1989 Batman with the gas balloons, the stuff they subvert is well done, buuut seriously the kid just...forgot his dad's voice? Was it really that hard to defeat the villain? In fact the villains plan was a bit, huuuh?? So yeah, the ending is a bit mixed but when more than half the movie is a fun, enjoyable, colorful, and very entertaining movie you don't mind too much. Still needs more Snorlax though. I mean could you imagine if he got dosed with that gas and just blasted hyperbeams and pulled a Man Of Steel, just levelling skyscrapers? Tonally inconsistent, yes. Incredible joygasm, ohhhh yeeeeah. I know he's practically shaped like a friend, and honestly I can't praise the art direction with the pokemon enough, but come on! Give my boy some love! Still a 7/10 despite the slight issues, can't wait to see more.

Detective Pikachu

You win this round Ryan...

Thankfully Detective Pikachu didn't suck. I could even tell it was going to be a good movie before the title, not only did they have a great japanese calligraphy titles, though still in english but Legendary and my boy Toho worked on this movie! Awwww yeah! And it was good, it's a fun little movie to take your kids too, I was shocked to see a lot of older people there and I ain't talking 2 to 5 years older than me, I mean I saw a couple with no kiddos and they looked in their late 30s. That's friggin' awesome, that is love and dedication! But I also saw the people of my generation bring their kids to see it and I thought that was so cool. They even gave me a pack of Pokemon cards at the theater for being there opening day, can you even get more rad than that?? No. So the movie follows a young man named Tim who is given the unfortunate news of his father's supposed death but is swayed to help a Pikachu who can actually speak english and be understood only by Tim. So they team up and try to discover what happened to his pop, and adventure and hi-jinx ensue! I like our main character, he's a reluctant main character but not annoyingly so, he has a lot of family baggage and is just trying his best to uncover the truth. I didn't hate Ryan Reynolds surprisingly, he wasn't annoying and brought some heart to the role, and was even a teensy bit cute but I blame that on the design. If there was one little bugging me problem, there's this character who's been following the crime of Tim's dad and helps out with the investigation, and....she wasn't that great a character. And I know what they were trying to do, they were trying to do a Misty, a no nonsense, emotionally charged, talkative, and kinda bossy girl that tags along with our main character who has some Ash qualities about him. But it didn't work, there was no firm grip on this character and what they wanted to do with her, and it isn't the actresses fault she plays it well, her character was just all over the place. But what very small grievance I take with that gets washed away with the world building, I love this world! The designs are great, these are real sets, they got great lighting with the bright signs yet still look fully set in the real world. The Pokemon designs are great, they look as if they existed, not so much the graphics but the physicality of them, Pikachu is this ball of fuzz and electricity, Charizard is this scaly lizard that breathes fire, Snorlax looks like the most comfy bed in the existence of ever, and I think the CG is not supposed to look real and that it is supposed to look otherworldly and different, they did such a good job! I also like how they integrate the world of Pokemon into the realism, there's no identical looking Nurse Joy's or over the top beloved Team Rocket plans, people have Pokemon companions and work together, the police force has Growlithe's as police dogs, the firefighters have a squad of Squirttle, just little touches like that help the immersion of this world. I also like how the movie has twists and misdirects, you're not just seeing a longer version of the trailer, that was what I was worried about most. But it was avoided and you get a fun movie for the family to go see and rent or buy in the future, and I swear the ending credits are almost worth the price of admission with glorious music and stylized illustrations. It's just good stuff all around, and I just remembered one more little nitpick I had, they could have had better voices for certain Pokemon. They got the same voice actress who's done Pikachu's boice since the beginning Ikue Otani in the movie, but Psyduck isn't the same and Mewtwo didn't have that deep great voice like in the first movie. Why? It's such a shame we couldn't hear them again but like I said it's a nitpick. Good movie, needs more Snorlax, 7/10!

Ace Attorney

Yeah I probably would have loved this movie as a kid.

I can totally see 9 year old me watching this on Starz or Encore back in the day and it was made in 2012! Remember how in Street Fighter I brought up how there were undoubtedly going to be differences of the translation from game to film? Yeah, this goes above and beyond. Ace Attorney based on one of the most popular visual novel series if not THE most popular, widely loved and acclaimed Nintendo DS series, got a full live action treatment straight from the motherland itself. I think the japanese are better at this than the americans. It's kind of a difficult film to describe, because it's based off of one of the most colorful, fun, endearing, and loved video game series in the world, and yet it juggles the absurd with live action realism. If you look up any character design that is showcased in the movie (with one or two exceptions, looking at you Redd White you Snape looking bastard) there is so very little changed. They make anime styled hair look completely realistic, and keep very true to each character's personalities and traits. The movie even follows individual stories from the games, and I played them but kinda forgot how everything went down so I was invested and didn't see everything coming. It makes you think critically of evidence, and pay attention to testimony, you really play attorney and I love it! And I love the fact they can be absolutely and shamelessly goofy, yet still can tell a serious story and play it mostly straight faced, it's such a thin tightrope to walk but I think they did a great job. Also surprising pick for the director, now if you aren't very familair with foreign films, specifically japanese films the name Takashi Miike doesn't mean much, but if you have a great interest in all genres of film and a love for films outside your own country then you know Takashi Miike makes some pretty screwed up stuff. He makes very unsettling and often horrifying films, like Audition and Ichi The Killer which are considered some hardcore horror even to monster fans of the genre who can stomach anything, so to get a masterpiece director of psychological horror to helm a movie based off a kid's video game series is about as random as say, Walt Disney directing a film like Schindler's List, it just seems bizarre. But it works! It maintains the spirit of the games while still adding it's own unique touches here and there. And I cannot more strongly recomend Suede's review of this movie, it gives you more information and no doubt more entertainment, the guy makes me laugh to beat the band. The only truly bad part of the movie is you can't really own it, if you live in Australia, New Zealand, Germany, or of course Japan then good news you can buy it now! Other than that.....nope, just try to find it online. That's a bit rubbish if you ask me, but it's worth watching if you want to see an example of video game movies done right, or just a fan of the games. I wanted to do a week of video game movies before Detective Pikachu because it's fun to talk about and I never saw either this movie or Street Fighter before so it was something new and fun. Until Friday my friends!

Street Fighter The Movie

Yep we gotta do some video game movies before Detective Pikachu.

I'm gonna be honest I don't know much about Street Fighter. I know a bit, I recognize characters and some of their traits, a handful of moves, and other things I've absorbed from pop culture. So when I decided to sit down and watch this movie I didn't know what to expect but I had a blast guys! This movie, to an absolute newbie to the franchise is really dang good. But why? Well I think a big part of it comes down to not being familiar with the games so I can't go all fanboy rage if something isn't adapted correctly. I know about Mortal Kombat and how the movie isn't a perfect adaptation, so it's a liberty I don't have here. But screw it, I really enjoyed this movie! Granted you don't get non-stop hand to hand combat but you get decent fights, and strangely enough though the movie is close to 2 hours it feels short. By the time the movie begins it feels like 30 minutes of buildup have been dropped and we're right in the preparing phases where our hero Guile is after the villainously brilliant General M. Bison who's taken hostages and put up a $20 billion dollar ransom. And believe me, I have no issue saying the only reason I wanted to see this movie was because of Raul Julia who plays M. Bison, and I think it's very sweet that this was a role he took for his kids and the film is even in memory of him. He gets lots of screentime, great lines, plays it so absurd it's actually genius, and looks like he's enjoying every last bit of it. The reason you watch this movie other than being a hardcore fan is because of Raul Julia. Van Damme on the other hand plays Guile very straightforward and I'm just gonna say it, bland. Also, good thing I watch movies with subtitles all the time, because I know I would be scratching my head at some of his lines! Plus though my knowledge of Street Fighter is lacking, I can tell they threw in a lot of characters, almost too many even because they don't get a lot of time and they have fun and colorful personalities so you want to see more. It's a no win scenario I know, you either have too few characters and people complain about the roster or you have too many with not enough time for them all, it sucks and no format can do it justice besides the video game. But they do fine, they got good fun actors for these crazy parts, the sets are nice, the action though sparse is good, and surprisingly it's really damn funny! I was shocked how much I was laughing at this, they got good funny dialogue, most of it more subdued comedy than actual attempts at jokes, just keep your ears open and you'll hear it. So yeah, Street Fighter is a pretty good movie and I was shocked to see not even a 4/10 star rating on IMDB, I mean it wasn't that bad! I enjoyed it, I'd probably watch it again, I can certainly recommend it for a fun movie night with a group of friends! Yeah, big thumbs up for Street Fighter The Movie from me!

And next time we go straight to Japan for our next adaptation of an acclaimed and beloved video game franchise.

Wreck-It Ralph

Crazy to think this was Disney's 3rd video game movie after both excellent Tron movies.

Man I love this movie. To bring an already told and recognizable story as the video game characters we all know and love living real lives, but then adding such a unique and interesting story to it with good characters, funny humor, and outstanding animation makes Wreck-It Ralph a cut above the rest. The movie stars John C. Reiley though you would never know without seeing him do the voice of a video game villain named Ralph who gets sick of being a bad guy and wants to be a hero for a change, forcing him to leave his game in search of a hero medal. Though after obtaining it he soon loses it to a young girl named Vanellope who wants to be a racer and the two form an odd but undeniably charming and loving friendship. There's a lot more fun and crazy plot stuff that happens, but hey I can't spoil the whole movie for you. Now I have to admit a long whiles ago, I surprisingly never saw anything about this movie. Not a trailer, poster, or anything. So when a friend of mine asked me to see the movie with her, I was skeptical because I know the...shall we say lackluster reputation video game movies had colored my perception. And when I heard that Sarah Silverman was in the movieb though by no means I do not hate her, made me kind of grudingly go and dread the movie. My opinion quickly changed when the movie began. The animation is great, and to see more old school video game characters in excellent 3D animation was awesome! The voice acting is top notch and I think they chose wisely in terms of main characters, though Jane Lynch has one of the best supporting roles. I appreciated the video game references and they didn't constantly show them off, so even if you're not a gamer you can still love the movie. What makes the movie work is the imaginitive plot, and the likable characters and trust me when I say I am ready to see the new movie. Though it does make one wonder what they could do after you've done the internet! But I guess we shall see. Watch this one for sure, and I'll let you know what I think of the sequel tomorrow!

The Wizard

Oh man I rolled out of my seat I was laughing so hard at that Power Glove scene!

I gotta admit there is a bit more to this movie than a feature length Nintendo commercial as some people claim. The Wizard is a good movie, very dated, very commercial, and yet at the same time actually has a really good story and characters. The story follows a young boy named Jimmy who has been traumatized by the death of his sister and sent to an institution, where his young brother breaks him out and they make a quest to California, where they meet a young girl and discover Jimmy is ridiculously good at video games. So the gang comes up with a plan to put Jimmy in a video game tournament while making their trek to Jimmy's true destination. The first thing I gotta tell you guys is these kids are awesome, you spend enough time with them to get to know them and see them as real people, they have baggage, they have history even though they are very young. True, they sometimes act more like adults than the actual adults but it's essentially a kids movie so I can forgive that. I don't know, I was just in a good mood watching this movie! It was a big deal when this movie came out, Nintendo was on top of the world with a massive dedicated fanbase, and the unveiling of a certain new game at the end needless to say made people lose their minds. The film has some cheese to it, but I would be lying to say it isn't fun. Hell, the villain of the movie has lived beyond all these years with the immortal line which causes head shakes and guffaws aplenty, "I love the Power Glove. It's so bad...". Sweet Jesus. And one thing I especially noticed is how much of a time capsule this is. The NES came out in 1985, this movie came out in 1989 still during it's golden years but not only the Nintendo fever that was being felt, but also the movie throws in this big chase through a Universal Studios amusement park so that adds another layer of that specific time. You can almost look at it from a philosophical view. Optimists would say it's cool seeing a part of the world in that particular time, whereas pessimists would say it's heavily dated and hurts the film in years to come. I am an optimist in this case, to see a world so heavily seeped in video games and to also see just as simple a thing as an amusement park is really neat to me. And even I have to admit the final scene does in fact choke me up a bit, which just goes to show how well the characters and relationships were built. It's a really good movie and one I would definitely recommend to younger kids, maybe it could get them into older video games or video games in general! It's a good family movie, and I do see merit in what others brush off as a long commercial. If you have the time or interest you should give it a watch, I don't think you will be disappointed. Plus I'll give you a buck if you ever dialed up the Nintendo tip hotline and probably racked your parent's phone bill up sky high!

Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie

Here's a good video game movie for you!

Released 3 years ago, one of the most prolific and beloved internet critics took his passion of filmmaking and his world renowned show about berating bad games and created a highly entertaining, truly bizarre, and creative feature length movie. The Angry Video Game Nerd has been creating content for over 10 years now, and I'm proud to call myself a fan. And this is the epitome of a fan movie, not just because of the references, or his unique style that true fans will understand and appreciate, but because he proclaims his love for all his fans all over the world. It's an incredible movie considering how the whole project was independently funded and filmed, especially with the practical effects. It's like if you took a real shitty Asylum movie like Birdemic, and took every aspect of it and improved it. It still looks and feels like an independent film but what it does in terms of special effects and story is a billion times better than those movies. The story follows the Nerd on an epic journey involving the E.T. game on the Atari 2600, where he tries to debunk the myth of all the cartridge games being buried in the New Mexico desert while being pressured to review the game by his fans. Now let me state clearly, that is not the whole film. I would be here all day recounting the balls to the wall plot, but let's just say it's a riot! This is a hilarious movie but I know everyone won't get the humor. That's sort of the curse of a fan film, only fans will watch it. If you showed this to a friend or someone who never heard of the show, they would think you escaped from a mental institute. But if you keep a highly open mind, and just sit back and watch the madness I feel you can be entertained and wish to seek out James Rolfe's other projects, which of course I hope for. He makes so much stuff, and it is all incredibly funny and entertaining. I especially love the mythos he woved into the whole Atari landfill web, it surprisingly makes sense despite the outlandish events happening around it. I was scratching my head thinking, what video game movies are there? The answer is, not that many but as I was flipping through Amazon I found this on prime and I never watched it until now, so I figured screw it. And I was not disappointed, I really liked the movie, and I look forward to watching the plethora of behind the scenes material you can find on YouTube. This was a love letter to the fans fueled by ambition and creativity, and James deserves awards for this. Film is a visual medium, and it doesn't get more visually stimulating than this! So if you want a ludicrous and outstanding journey into video game movies, look no further than the Nerd who will take you back to the past....

Tomb Raider (2018)

Well what do you know, a good video game movie!

Tomb Raider is very, very good. It is one of the rarest forms of media, a really good video game movie. I especially love that they adapted the story from the excellent reboot to the series and it is a really engaging and good story. Basically an origin story for Lara, played by Alicia Vikander who does a really dang good job potraying Lara as a young, no nonsense, adventurous woman who goes through some stuff to say the least and she was great. My only problem with her character was she falls in the trope of, although I come from a family of great wealth I'm gonna rebel and do things from scratch. It just bugged me. But anyway, Lara is on the hunt for her dad which leads her to a very Arrow-ish island, where a band of mercenaries led by Walton Goggins who is gloriously off his rocker like always is trying to break into the tomb of a former Lady Emperor claimed to be basically Death incarnate. Which of course Lara is all, "No way man, you're nuttier than a PayDay bar. I'm stopping you." and Walter Goggins is like, "Bring it baby girl, I'm leaving here either with a corpse or as a corpse." and thus we got ourselves a movie. Oh and they totally pulled a Last Crusade with that tomb, every test was almost exactly like the ones Indy had to do except in reverse. So the leap of faith first, the puzzle involving the floor second, and the giant bladed traps last. Caught you! But regardless, this is a good movie that is worth your time should you choose to see it, and it's great that Lara finally gets a sure fire hit in the movie department. A very good way to end the week, but next week we have a bit of unfinished buisness to attend to, a return to a good superhero movies, and another dive into the awesome weirdness that is Wes Anderson. See you then!

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life

Wow, I'm shocked. The movie was decent!

No really, I'm not being an ass! After the dreadful first Tomb Raider movie I was sooner ready to walk off a bridge than watch the sequel but it's surprisingly not bad! Lara is done fighting robots and trying to travel time, the movie sticks to a (mostly) realsitic fashion, with Lara on the hunt for the mythical Pandora's Box which I feel fits more in tune with the games. This is one of Lara's adventures put to the screen, with decent action, a simple but not insultingly stupid story, really and truly it's just a good filler movie if you have one of those days, and though it doesn't take much of a genius to figure out the resting place of Pandora's Box it doesn't detract from the movie. Though movie I have to say you really need to hide your references better. Damn near every scene in the movie can be traced back to any of the Indiana Jones and James Bond movies. The villain is almost SPECTRE-like just without the amazing Ken Adams designed lairs, the action and world travelling is synonymous with Indy, so it may seem very, very familiar to some people. One thing I do really love about the movies is the use of sets and practical effects, I forgot to mention in the last review but they only use CGI in these movies if necessary. You know that robot I bitched about? It was real! A real model animatronic that was used in certain shots while the more elaborate movements were done with CG, and the sets are expansive and done very well. I was surprised to see that and it made me quite happy, but honestly...you can live your life without seeing these movies. The first movie sucks, but the second is harmless fun for a boring day. I just hope the new one is well worth your time and money, because Lara needs a good movie under her belt! But all that will come before the week is out. To be honest, next week I will be a very happy camper.

Lara Croft Tomb Raider

I pray to God the new Tomb Raider will be a good video game movie. Less so like this.

I was dreading this. I knew this movie was gonna suck and shocker, it sucked hard. Now granted, I must admit I have limited knowledge of the Tomb Raider series, they look like fun games but I am novice at best when it comes to knowledge of specific characters, story, all that good stuff. So you think I would accept whatever nonsense was slapped on the screen but nope. In fact I can sum up my entire reaction in the first scene which is so obviously a simulation it made me ache for the movie to get on with it, where Lara has to fight a 8 foot tall robot. "Oh man, I thought this was gonna be bad but it's gonna be one of those days huh? Shit. What the flying hell am I even watching? Good God, I'm done and I just started! What is with the robot? Somebody please....help me." And there you go! Thoughts on the whole movie! Do I have to talk story or characters here? Well, I'll tell you what. I will talk story, but I am not touching characters, but more actors and acting. So the story follows Lara discovering a clock that is tied to this ridiculously bullshit plot involving ancient tombs, the Illuminati (hand over my heart, while my other hand is reaching for alcohol), and the control of time itself. Wow. I mean...wow. If this is how the games are, I really doubt my enjoyment factor. I just...I can't...the Illuminati?! Really?? The Flying Dutchman does a secret society like that have anything to do with time travel. Oh God, if I need to explain why this movie is stupid then it's just a waste of time. Unfortunately that's what this movie was. I enjoyed a grand total of, I think 5 seconds of this movie all down to just one throwaway reaction that got a genuine chuckle out of me. So thanks Daniel Craig you made it kinda, sorta, not really worth it. And okay, I'm gonna be serious here. I don't get the casting of Angelina Jolie and yet, I really commend her acting. She did her own stunts, she did things the way fans wanted to see, she was enthusiastic about the work and I can say tried to give a good performance! Keyword being try, but regardless I have to give her brownie points for doing it herself and attempting to make a video game movie kinda watchable. I mean it still fell flat, but it's not her fault! I'm not saying this is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It's not. But also, it did nothing for me, did not entertain, did not make me enjoy it, but I'm not saying other people can't enjoy this. Chris Stuckmann has said it's his favorite guilty pleasure movie, so obviously people can enjoy it on some level, but not for me. And now that I have seen the first I am reeeealy dreading the second one. I mean Roger Ebert liked that one, so I am trying to be optimistic but I still sense failure in the future. Oh and movie, you are not Doctor Who, stop trying to talk about time like you know what the hell you are talking about!