Death Of A Unicorn

Weirdest damn ending I have seen in considerable time!

But bless A24 for just existing. If you've seen the trailer for this movie, it is exactly what is advertised! A dark comedy centered on a single dad and his daughter who meet with a very affluent family after ramming into a unicorn on the road and have the bright idea to bring the mostly dead creature with them, until bodies start getting gored by the big mama of the family. I would claim fucking white people as to why there are so many consecutive horrible decisions in this movie but I can much more safely say fucking rich people, oh big shock there that they continuously rape a situation from bad to worse but my dear lord I have rarely seen a cast of characters so utterly contemptable and annoying in all my years. When there's only two characters I like, Wednesday and Victor Zsasz we got problems! Yeah, even Paul Rudd is a tool of the highest proportions which on one hand I commend to see him as this not 100% altruistic guy like usual but oof, he was getting zero love from me from almost the word go. Not to say the acting is bad, quite far from it! Do I look like the kind of Dude who is going to be upset seeing Richard E. Grant in anything? Him, Tèa Leoni, and Will Poulter play these self serving rich asshats so incredibly well with good humor sprinkled in, that I kinda forget I'm watching actors. It's that Umbridge Effect as I like to call it. It's actually funny how if you took the bloody as hell kills and swearing out, this is almost shockingly like a low effort family film, this distant work addicted dad gets to grow closer to his daughter after harming a mythical creature that these money grubbing swine that he works with want to capture and profit from the magical beast but they stop them in the end, hooray! Which is either unintentional genius or they knew what kind of tone they wanted and just cranked up the adult elements. But it's an okay movie, the dark humor doesn't hit constantly but certainly had it's moments, the setting is simple and it does have pretty scenery, the soundtrack once again was kinda doing it for me, the effects are solid and the way they kinda get free reign to make up the magic abilities of the unicorn was fun, and the story while simple still worked. I think I do see it more as a movie that gets a bigger crowd years down the road once it hits video, but it's worth a watch at the cinemas if the trailer striked your fancy a little bit. Far from their best but decent stuff! 2.5 stars, 7/10, and that about does it for a good while until the next new release comes out so be safe, be good people, and I'll see you at the movies.

A Ghost Story

And now I'm a ghost! Ooooohhhhh!!

I cannot even begin to tell you how long I have been wanting to both watch and review this movie, and after all this time since well post 2016 when the movie came out I can say it was worth the wait. I don't rightly know how the hell to recap this plot because it's ine of those movies where you ain't got a clue how it will end and the subsequent series of events makes it even more of a mystery than life itself. But in a nutshell, a married couple is sadly torn apart when the husband gets in a car crash and manifests as the quintessential ghost form as he haunts his own home. That is all I dare divulge because for a movie 90 minutes long with credits by the by, it does so much that it left me flabbergasted, in awe, and completely entrapped in it's story. You want to talk about a whole different beast of a movie? I don't even know where to start. Not much dialogue to the point where it would be an interesting experiment to re-edit it into a silent film, black and white, all that good jazz. The aspect ratio is very akin to The Lighthouse which does lean it more towards arthouse film or college student project but it adds all the more unique identity to just the look of the movie. The soundtrack is really up my alley and I have zero qualms looking up the soundtrack later on, from ambient to slightly terrifying it brings so much flavor to each situation. Very basic editing but it has little moments of flair when it comes to cinematography and really has some damn good lighting too I must say. Since there's little dialogue and our main character is shrouded in a sheet you'd be surprised how much emoting comes through and you can just tell from body language and actions what the characters are going through. Since it deals with the afterlife the movie does get philosophical and surprisingly brings up a combined point from the Ghost movie Rite Here Rite Now, about how living in a house is a allegory for life and death as we see our main player stuck in this house for God knows how long. It's handled so well and has so many points of interest, you think it would be kinda dull but I assure you it is anything but. And I don't really mind saying this, despite the childlike depiction of this ghost there are moments of eerieness and even dread I dare say that I can't really even pin down as to why it effected me in that way. I am severely impressed and through all the twists, turns, and loop-de-loops I was with it every step of the way. I sure as shit know probably not a lot of people are gonna love it as much as me or maybe even like it at all for that matter, but it strangely worked for me. It hit all my buttons, I found it intriguing and boy it kinda hit a little too near and dear for my heart. If I can be cataclysmically honest here, that feeling of isolation, that feeling of never being seen or heard, feeling like a misguided ghost travelling endlessly to nowhere, only being acknowledged in moments of rage or outburst by the outside world, waiting for people who are long since gone...that is who I am. And with my luck even after I'm dead and gone, nothing will have changed much. On that brutal bombshell it is time to end, thank you so much for joining me, goodnight. 4 stars, 9/10!

A Decade In The Making.

It can't have been that long. Already? My eyes do not decieve me though, and it indeed has been a decade of writing and sharing opinions on a multitude of films and shows. And the worst part is, there's always more to see and talk about and there's no way I could get around to everything no matter how much I want to. This is extremely hard to write, but just...hang on. I'm not retiring, I'm not quitting, like fucking hell I am! Doctor Who and Andor are coming back for my birthday month! New movies I really want to see are still slated for this year! I'm not quitting I assure you, however I will not be here as much and this was rattling in my head since pretty much this year started, what was I gonna do once we hit 10 years? I knew I wouldn't want to bow out completely, but I've also been adhering to a very committed schedule for so long since the beginning with breaks peppered in of course to keep me from being burned out. But time catches up with us all and while I loved this it was time to focus more on life. So I will tell you what I'll do, new movie reviews are going to be the constant however in terms of regular reviews it'll be more when madness strikes or I see something I truly want to talk about. There is so many movies I have yet to get around to and I know I will discuss them when I do see them, it's just time to sit for different purposes. I have some plans for my birthday which will coincidentally end on my Nan's birthday, and we certainly still have some movies to look into this week. So it's far from the end, just time and world enough at last. I do still feel my writing has only kept improving since the beginning, but read the old stuff there's good recommendations buried in the past 1,000 reviews. Hell the fact I can say I've seen vastly more good movies than bad movies on my track record is something I hold dear, considering my inspirations mainly focused on the shitty side of the cinematic spectrum but that was the name of the game back then. Nowadays, it's a brave new world with animosity and praise and everything in between being put forth towards the media we watch, or read, or experience. I of course am extremely thankful for everyone around the world who has tuned in, even if just once, cause those are the people who made it all worth it. Even if you may have disagreed profusely with me, that makes the countless hours both watching and writing fulfilling. It doesn't seem real at times that I've been at this for so long and have written as much as I have, but even though I've been making pennies a year I could care less cause I get to talk my shit about movies and my interests so what more could I ask for. I've done a Dude's job sir. I guess I'm through now? Almost. It's too bad I won't live, but then again who does?

Green Room

A24 time again!

Jesus fucking wept this is a sit and a half not because it's bad but it is some stressful shit. Essentially concerning a punk band who happen across a murder at a venue they are performing in and get embroiled in the coverup by a bunch of skinheads as they desperately try to survive. There is no way in two tits of a rat's ass a studio system would make this film and I think that's one of the reasons people laud A24 so highly, because they pick up movies, produce movies, and distribute movies by directors who have unconventional stories to tell. Hearing about the director Jeremy Saulnier talk about having no way to make this film once he became a bigger more noticeable director really put that all in perspective for me, people gravitate towards indie filmmaking and low budget forays because you just don't get this shit anywhere. And I feel he did a good job crafting this very stressful and graphic movie but have little burts of artistry and dare I say avant garde type shots as you are thrown into this scary situation with this band. Anton Yelchin our sweet summer child slowly but surely becomes the main character through this situation, and even in a grim ass dark movie he has that heart and charm which endeared him to so many. Imogen Poots goes from friend of the murdered (good band name...) to final girl by the end of all of this, and I was always keeping my eye on her because man she got dead behind the eyes real quick, solid performance! I almost spit my drink out seeing Sir Patrick Stewart in this movie, that is considerable star power for a independent film and to see him as the main antagonist was rather shocking, but given an actor of his status he can really play anything his heart desires. The band dynamic between Alia Shawkat, Joe Cole, and Callum Turner feels very genuine like these are friends who decided to be in a punk band together, and it's interesting to note how each person handles the pressure of this insane situation. The movie is barely 90 minutes but so much happens within that 90 minutes you get immersed, involved, and really really wanting to see how this ends! It blindsides you with this murder and it only gets bloodier from there, the movie knows how to pace and punch when needed. Granted I was hoping to see some more skinhead natzi shitlickers to get axed but I guess I'll have to take what I can get. It's rather bleak and unapologetic but that's why it is so effective in it's storytelling. I'll admit the synopsis alone caught my attention of potential movies to review this week and what I found was a very well made albiet dark film that certainly is not for everybody but it's compelling in it's own way. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10.

And tomorrow it's time for another bow like all the other years, eleven's hour is over now the clock is striking twelve.

Gladiator II

To hell with your 6.6 IMDB!

I was way more invested and entertained in this movie! Set just 16 years after the first film we follow a soldier from Numidia named Hanno who has a proper revenge hard on for roman general Acacius after being defeated and put up as human livestock in the Colosseum, but what I like about this movie so much is as the plot progresses almost every main player in the story changes and holds different amounts of power. Paul Mescal is a fierce lead and to see the shift from soldier to slave to revolutionary is gratifying to watch and he does not hold back on the physicality or the emotion, taking the flaws of Maximus from the first film and swiftly remedying it. Denzel Washington as new gladiator conossieur Macrinus is easily the best character in the movie for my money, and you can tell Denzel is relishing this role and to see his political machinations grow and grow was super engaging for me. Of course our daddy of daddies Pedro Pascal is present and unfortunately he's not in the movie much and has only a smudge of stuff to do, an honorable roman he is and my God what a commanding voice he has in this movie so it was great to see him in something until I'm probably nearing the end of my rope and Mando hits the big screen. Connie is back and her storyline adds some dimension to the film and honestly she acts even better than the first film, and sweet Christmas has that woman even aged a friggin' day?? Incredible. I'm not entirely sure if Rome ever had two emperors cause that is a fascinating detail of history never disclosed to me, but the combined performances of Joseph and Fred while surprisingly more in the background were just that right amount of batshit and hedonistic, they did do proper good work but if you ever want a proper piece on emperors I would point to I Claudius or...Caligula if you're not a prude. Production wise it's definitely surpassed the first Gladiator obviously with advancements due to the 24 year gap in filmmaking, the sets and costuming are great, they knew how to up the ante in the Colosseum (even if probably not entirely accurate to history I loved it anyway), there's more political intrigue, the score is decent, the editing has thankfully calmed the hell down, and I easily can say this is one of those sequels that outdoes the first! May be blasphemy, may be heresy, but call me a fan of the sequel! I kind of feel like an ass honestly for not seeing it in the theater, and my main reasoning for not was well I haven't seen the first and while elements of the plot are brought up here you really genuinely can watch this and not miss much and still enjoy it. So I apologize right now for that blunder, this was a very very good film! 3.5 stars from me, 8.5/10, and next week is time at last.

Gladiator

25 years later, could've been longer admittedly knowing this show.

I'm not entirely sure as to why I finally decided to watch this movie, and subsequently the sequel as well, but hey why not? That's basically the motto of this website! So Gladiator holy moly did this have quite a reputation, highly succesful film, won some big Oscar gold back when they had fucking standards, and clearly had a fanbase enough for a sequel, so what did I think of it? It was okay. I'm not gonna bash it too much, I just thought it was good. The story is very akin to the Moses story with some other recognizable elements thrown in, of a commanding general who gets in good with the royalty of Rome before being outcasted, his family slain, and he's sold into slavery to fight at the Colosseum while trying to get even with the new more antagonistic Emperor. It has some very good things going for it, despite the early ass 2000s effects it has a real grand scope and solid cinematography I mean Ridley Scott is a very visual director so I knew I was going to see some nice stuff. Shit oh my God, the sets and costuming are out of this world honestly, they put a lot of effort into the visuals here! The score honest to God is one of the best film scores I have heard in a hot ass minute and works beautifully with the scenes! The performances in particular of Joaquin Phoenix as this very Ben Solo-esque wannabe tyrant Commudus was one of the most engaging and interesting performances. Sir Richard Harris as Marcus Aurelius even though he's just in it for a bit just proves what a powerhouse actor he really is and the fact that he's an introspective ruler with higher aspirations for his country is refreshing to see! Another standout performance that I really never hear anyone talk about is Oliver Reed as Proximo who is the trainer of the gladiators and I cannot for the life of me explain why but he was magnetic to me on screen with glimpses of backstory, a bit of wisdom to part, and holds a unique position of power with ulterior motives of his own, like I was thoroughly enjoying his performance! Also have to shoutout Derek Jacobi who I'm just pretending was The Master in roman times with some nefarious goal in mind, he had that certain aura about him at times and I am thrilled everytime I get to see him act in anything really! Now you might be saying, but Dude what about Russell our main character and Connie as well? Huuuuge props to Connie for being a beacon of knowledge on roman times and history to the point where the crew was asking for advice on the production, that's a badass right there and yeah it was easy to care about her character when she's mostly stuck in the same room as her megalomaniacal brother. As for Russell...eh. I have never hated him as an actor but I didn't have much to work with, it's not your typical kill the despot to achieve vengeance for my family like the man just kindaaaa sortaaa does stuff with no end goal in sight, I mean maybe for the sake of killing Commudus but it feels not entirely earned or necessary. I like his ending, that was nice and gratifying at least. But while we're on the subject of negatives I gotta get my big complaint out now. The editing in this movie is slapdash at points, it started off effective in the first battle scene because war is disjointed, chaotic, and hard to keep up with.....but then it just kept fucking happening. Especially if people have a good length of dialogue, the camera just keeps cutting to random shit with no rhyme or reason and it did nothing but detract me from the story. Yet it's not always like that either, it has moments of clarity and focus as well so it's just confusing. I certainly did not walk in here to raze Gladiator to the ground and indeed it's not terrible in the slightest, but I am holding out hope for the sequel to be better. 2.5 stars, 7.5/10 from me.

Black Bag

Been itching for some espionage.

Will fully admit though the story looked interesting it was the combination of Michael and Cate in the story that got me to go see it. And also big time props for the movie not really doing a lot of hand holding as you're pushed into this plot of a married couple in an intelligence agency have to find a leak within their own organization who has intent to sell an albeit original doomsday weapon, which I actually greatly appreciate! The movie is told well enough and is concise enough (with a 90 minute runtime to boot) to where you can grasp the character dynamics and the stance each character has in the agency, and it's a mystery first and foremost which again I appreciate. We don't need extensive gunplay and explosions to make it interesting! Michael Fassbender is a pretty solid lead, I buy he's this vastly intelligent agent who has a knack for reading people with ease and while the movie is juggling six "main" characters he is the primary focus. Hell the relationship between him and Cate Blanchett is fascinating in and of itself, we rarely get stories with agents who know their spouse is an agent as well and Cate easily holds the edge and you know she's done legitimate field work and has little qualms ending a life. Then we have our suspect list of characters each unique and noteworthy. Naomie Harris as the office shrink with dirt on everybody lends a wild card element to her and plus it's Naomie, she's grand! Tom Burke as this loose and fast agent with a penchant for swearing and banging is certainly a new type for this genre of film and no doubt is more for the sparse comedic relief. Reģe-Jean Page who I don't think I've seen since our Paladin companion in Dungeons & Dragons, is your more typical suave agent but still gets to put his own spin on it. And last but not least Marisa Abela who is the more tech based agent who has a fascinating attraction to our man Michael, which I don't know why but it gave her a lot of personality and humor. Also shout out to Pierce Brosnan, though in a minor part I'm still happy to always see him, and to get him in a spy movie even if he takes on a more overarching leader role is great stuff to a certain generation of Bond fans. Production wise it's standard but good nevertheless with really nice lighting, good set design, and frankly the soundtrack was working for me for reasons I can't even explain myself! I kinda figured it would be decent but I walked out happier than I thought and I don't mind saying it's worth a shot seeing in theaters. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10!