Uncharted

Well there I go again, beating my record this time in forgetting to post a review. I may be getting too old for this.

Now I will state, I have never played Uncharted, I know nothing about Uncharted, my knowledge extends to Nathan Drake is a treasure hunter and the gameplay style is a run and gun type with wild setpieces. That's it. So going in this blind would be an understatement, how was it to the uninitiated eye? I thought it was decent, I found the movie very well paced and the story of not just finding gold but possibly reconnecting with Nathan's long lost brother was a strong one for me. I mean the movie practically is Indiana Jones for the modern age and Tom Holland though even an odd choice of casting for myself does a good job with the material and it shows a young and learning Nathan coming into his own so I thought he handled all that well. Marky Mark is a complete asshole and it's great, playing a constantly lying and two timing mentor to Nathan named Sully, he's such a wise ass but a very likable one which I appreciate. Antonio Banderas as a villain somewhat worked for me, because I know him to be more hero orientated and is a nice fella so while the menace didn't fall flat his character was just sorta there. I suppose I was somewhat right in calling the character of Chloe played by Sophia Ali, who I fully 100% pinned as a heel turn and she definitely filled that part but in the end is just as two timing as Sully and just wants to come out on top while working in tandem with our crew. Now Tati Gabrielle knocks it out of the park in my opinion cause I truly did not like her character and that's the whole point, she's a villain and a smug bastard at that so her acting for this role 10/10! Again, I'm not sure if specific elements of the games were adapted or if they crafted something new but it's a decent treasure hunt film and it genuinely did make me interested to play all the games and find out why they are so popular and loved. So hey, it wasn't a total waste. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and it's probably a terrific time to get my hands on all these games for reasonable prices.

Scoob

Damn it nooooo!

Ugh, I wanted it to be better! Guys I wasn't expecting Mystery Incorporated levels of quality but I had hope this would be the one theatrically released Scooby-Doo movie that would be good! It's not. It's slightly above average, I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either. I think the animation is really dang nice, it's fluid and dynamic and the colors are rich and vibrant. The cast takes time to get used to but that's because I know these characters and who voices them, but they do decent work. Even the story on paper isn't bad, Scooby and Shaggy team up with Blue Falcon and Dyno-Mutt to fight Dick Dastardly and foil his plans. That is a simple plot, that is a fun plot, it wouldn't be out of place in a Hanna-Barbera cartoon at alllll, but the humor is what really shoots this movie in the foot. Now I will say it did make me laugh occasionally, but my sweet merciful God this movie is dated and it just came out! How can a cartoon so obviously produced in 1969 be more timeless than this?? Oh by the sainted Hallow's Eve, the humor just needed more work. It's so....ugh, Minions level of humor except worse. This hurts guys, this cuts me on a deep level, I wanted this movie to be good and I had hopes it would be after seeing the trailer, but it fell flat by the dumb choices. It's like if you combined the tropes and characters of Scooby-Doo with a cookie cutter, high budget, star studded 3D animated movie. What sort of topsy turvy reality do we live in when the live action spinoff that looks like it would be hot garbage dead on arrival, is so much more entertaining, fun, and interesting? Daphne And Velma was such a different take on the world of this series, but held up due to the world building it crafted, the different but familiar characters, and surprisingly strong humor! Sure the movie got me with references to The Hex Girls, and a plethora of other Hanna-Barbera cartoons which of course I know all the names of because I'm a friggin' dork (I still wanted to see the Herculoids!), and it filled me with happiness to see these characters even as slight nods in the background, but a good movie that does not make. They don't even have a mystery to solve, we know what Dick Dastardly is up to and why he's doing it which defies everything Scooby-Doo is, yeah the characters are done as they usually are, the voice cast isn't half bad with of course major love going to Frank Welker but also Jason Isaacs (I just love that guy so much), I dig the animation designs, it just seems like all the pieces were there to make a very good if not great movie. But the ball was dropped in places which forces the score to go down lower and lower. I've seen some shit in my day with Scooby-Doo, and this movie is by no means terrible but I cannot in good conscious recommemd this movie even if you are a hardcore, forever dedicated, unconditionally loving fan of Scooby-Doo such as myself. Which could harm seeing a new proper Scooby movie in the future so much. We had to wait about 15 years from Scooby-Doo 2 Monsters Unleashed to this, and now I genuinely shudder to think how long it will be until a new iteration is brought to us on the big screen. This week started off so well, and it went south in a real hurry. But nothing ever is going to stop me from loving Scooby-Doo, I have suffered through the live action movies, Return To Zombie Island, the not so good direct to video entries, and I still stick around. Why? Because I love it, it means the world to me, I couldn't quit it even if you put a gun to my head. 2.5 stars, 6/10. So instead go check out Mask Of The Blue Falcon, check out the other movies I reviewed this week, pick up the Mystery Incorporated series that's like $30 online, I'm gonna go eat some sour cream and onion chips with chocolate pudding and take a nap.

The Happening

Ohhh my lord this was bad.

First off, if you saw this movie as like a legit, we're going to the movies and watching The Happening I am so, so sorry. If you unironically wanted to see this movie and did so I wish to apologize cause whoo boy this is a rough movie to sit through. The absolutely hilarious bad acting can only do so much and that is the only reason somebody would see this movie unless you were a person like me and actually had to talk about it. I wasted four dollars that I am never getting back on this ****ing movie. You know what? I lied. Nobody ever, would watch this movie just to see how bad it truly is or to get a laugh out of the performances. That is what YouTube is for! You can watch whatever scene you want and you have seen The Happening. I know I have to talk about this movie but I reeeeally do not want to. I mean what in God's name can you say about it? Well...besides that's it's comically bad. The plot is not bad really, just based solely on a catastrophe that affects human beings into commiting suicide is not a bad plot. If you got a better script, and better input from a different director, this movie would be passable. Someone could easily remake The Happening and make it good. You do not even need to spend a cent on the effects of the antagonist! It's wind. Marky Mark has to outrun the wind because you see the plants have gotten sick of our shtick and have concocted an airborne pathogen specially for us. The logic is staggering. You could make these characters likable and have them not talk like space aliens trying desperately to fit in on Earth. You can create a better twist! You could follow the movie scene by scene, and just change names and dialogue and whabam! Decent movie. Who dropped the ball on this production? Well the easy answer is Shyamalan because he produced, directed, and wrote the damn thing but it goes deeper than that. Someone was on set that fateful day where Marky Mark utters the line, "Whaat? Nooo." and the director said cut, perfect and they did not raise concern or ask questions or do anything to fix this issue. So really the blame cannot be solely put on the director's shoulders. Everybody done goofed up! Okay? Do not watch this movie. Watch like 2 or 3 clips on YouTube, or watch the Nostalgia Critic's review and have yourself a ball. I am going to drink myself to sleep, I'll see you next week!

Transformers The Last Knight

Farewell Michael Bay, you will not be missed.

Yeah supposedly this is his last Transformers movie, so how did he end it? I have no idea. It wasn't a piece of crap, it wasn't great. It was just okay, it was fine, so take from that what you will. You know what pissed me off though? I was fully expecting Unicron in this movie. You see this planet looking thing devour the moon, so I thought Unicron but no! It's Cybertron which doesn't make any sense cause it kinda got screwed over worse than Metropolis in Man Of Steel, but it's fine, it's coming to use some science bullcrap to reform the planet. Oh and nice job paying off the glimpse we had of evil Optimus Prime or Nemesis Prime as he calls himself (Awesome name though!) being in the movie for a grand total of maybe 10 minutes, 4 of which are him actually evil. That's not a bait and switch at all. But the movie made up for it with Anthony Hopkins, who is awesome. He was on screen quite a bit, and was no doubt the best part of the movie! All the other characters were kinda blah, even Marky Mark who isn't terrible but I do feel he was at his best in Age Of Extinction. Age of Extinction was the best in my opinion. You want to know my rankings of the live action Transformers movies, it goes like this: 1. Age Of Extinction, 2. The Last Knight, 3. Transformers, 4. Dark Of The Moon, 5. Revenge Of The Fallen. Bam there you go! Do I recommend this movie? No, not in theaters but when it hits home video it will be fine for a movie night. I'm so happy I am done with Transformers, I get to do other movies. So I am a happy camper! Until next week....

Transformers Age Of Extinction

What...the...flying ostriches? A GOOD Transformers movie directed by Michael Bay? I call foul.

How...the frak did this happen? Like, it was really good! I didn't hate the humans, I liked all the Autobots, the comedy was decent, the action was good, what is this?? Okay got to breathe. Take it slow. So the movie picks up 5 years after the last movie, we ditch the annoying characters and we meet up with Mark Wahlberg (Yeah I know his character has a name but you're going to call him Mark Wahlberg.) and the world has changed. The Autobots are hunted by the government, a corporation has created transformers and upgraded them, and this weird like bounty hunter transformer is helping the government in hunting down both Autobots and Decepticons. Whoa. And the bounty hunter guy is trying to almost terraform Earth in order to create new robots, and Prime rounds up all 4 Autobots who didn't bite the dust and all of them rock! We get this hardcore military guy voiced by John Goodman (Far out man.), we get a samurai, we got Bumblebee still, we get this gunslinger looking dude, and they all kick ass and need I say anything about Optimus? Well, one line kinda pissed off Peter Cullen and I highly agree with him, it just doesn't seem like Prime but I still enjoy watching him. And Megatron becomes Galvatron, and he does.....absolutely nothing. He barely fights, it's not his evil plan this movie, he's just kinda there. Hell even the bounty hunter guy doesn't really do much beyond the kinda, sorta, terraforming thing. And yet somehow, the movie is still good. All the human characters I like, well except for one but the snitch got what he deserved so no harm there. No forced comedy or just plain stupid attempts at getting laughs, when you laugh you really laugh. What the hell happened?! I mean I got to the point last week where I never wanted to talk about Transformers for the rest of my life, and yet this movie was good?? Did I jump dimensions again man? This is getting weird. I can't believe I'm saying this but, check this movie out! See if it's worth the decent rating I gave. Apparently The Last Knight is, well the last Transformers movie and it hits tomorrow so expect a review soon for it.