Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

Did you notice I didn't say his name three times in the last review? This ain't my first rodeo.

Okay then! I really don't know where to start with this honestly. When I first heard news of getting Beetlejuice 2 I wasn't fist pumping in victory or groaning in defeat, I was more curious if anything to see it and now that I finally have I am pretty happy to have watched it. It's a busy movie that almost makes the first one seem tame as we catch up with the Deetz' as Charles passes away, we get introduced to Lydia's daughter Astrid, and Mr. Juice is making moves in the world of the living to keep away from his psycho ex-wife. Shit happens. I am thrilled that it undoubtedly is a movie that just kinda does it's own thing, the nods and callbacks are there but there is way more new stuff to where it's not nostalgia shipping, it's very much a take it or leave it film and is unapologetic in how it tells the story. I respect such films. It was a lot of fun to see Michael, Winona, and Catherine back prominently and they haven't lost their edge. First bloody words out of Lydia and I was like damn she's still got it, and to see her very much having a midlife crisis with so much that has happened before and during this movie is understandable and it makes sense having her as the protagonist. Catherine O'Hara I feel is even funnier than the first, still a drama queen but a queen nonetheless! And well I'm a fucking mark for Michael Keaton and I sure as hell ain't gonna bash him here, they go more out there with Beetlejuice than even I thought possible but he pulls it off with a lot of humor and personality. All the new additions are equally welcome in my opinion, Jenna Ortega is a good balance playing a straightforward no bullshit teenager thrown in the mix of all this paranormal nonsense and I liked her avenue through the story. Justin Theroux is an oddball in this movie but may kinda sorta possibly be the funniest character in the movie, I dare say it's campy but not at all in a negative light. I honestly forgot Willem Dafoe was in this and though it's a bit part undoubtedly, the amount of character and this offshoot in the world of the dead was a nice surprise. I do however give just a teeny bit of good grief to this movie, Monica Belluci babe you need a better agent. I'm always so thrilled to see her in movies and then she's there for like 10 minutes and I'm just adoring the design of her character Delores and just wanted more. I'm not saying...cause that would be weird, but I'm just saying even stapled together the woman is a work of art. Moving swiftly on! The production design hasn't lost it's touch and is able to do much more with modern filmmaking, just to see more of the town in that exquisite fall atmosphere needless to say made me a happy camper! The humor hit more often than not from chuckles to wheezing guffaws even if it got weird at times. Though side note, maaaan this movie is gruesome when it wants to be like you wouldn't think this movie would have a fair share of blood and gnarly ass effects but you see blood spurts, exposed brains a plenty, and inventive background deceased characters that kinda wowed me. It's an odd sequel to an odd movie but entertaining regardless and I think even if you're a hardcore fan or just a casual moviegoer you can dig it. I give it 3 stars, 8/10, and with a title like that it's no mystery we are getting a third. Never thought this would be a trilogy but life can surprise you more often than you think.

And this is gonna be the start of a brief detour for me for the next few weeks, but I shall return before the end of September as always. It really is the deadest month for films, until then keep it real.

Beetlejuice

What the hell have I been doing for the past 9 years?? It worked out in the end but Christ!

I would have bet any amount of money I already reviewed Beetlejuice in the past, shit I've watched the movie several times since this shindig has started but never wrote a review. So how on earth do I sum up the plot of Beetlejuice? It's rather involved and has variety if nothing else. Centered around an everyday normal couple Barbara and Adam whose lives are cut short soon find themselves having to acclimate to the world of the afterlife, taking up haunting their house as new residents arrive but with no avail as a young girl takes a liking to their strange and unusual company. Enter our eponymous character as a proclaimed bio-exorcist who aids or more rather terrorizes both parties, leading to them trying to get the metaphorical genie back in the bottle. I haven't the foggiest idea how or why I got this tape before I even hit maybe even double digits so I've been a fan of this movie for quite some time, it was easy enough to roll with and it made me laugh. No friggin' clue either how Tim Burton got anyone to sign off on this or even sell it but it was a pretty big hit in 1988 and clearly has left an impact on pop culture in the 36 years since. The imagination of the world and the creativity to make that world real truly must be applauded, I wish I was that creative to come up with some of the imagery seen here. From waiting rooms of various deceased people, to sand worms on Saturn, to a spontaneous calypso dance performance it's kind of a marvel how unforgettable this movie is. But I think I can narrow it down to why, there just isn't anything else like it. I really love the cast here, with a script this broad the actors are that tether to grounding it so it isn't utter madness from start to finish. Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin are a really cute couple who navigate through the comedy and scares seamlessly, and you do want the best outcome for them. Winona Ryder as Lydia has become a cornerstone of goth culture and weird girls globally but she actually plays it pretty straight and humble, she's got some teenage attitude but is very likeable and is a breath of fresh air to see a more positive interaction with ghosts. And of course now comes the part where we get to talk about Michael Keaton and holy cow do I wish him and Tim made a lot more movies together! He really is one hell of a versatile actor and can somehow take this wise ass, slobbish, and pretty perverted character yet still make him enjoyable to watch! By all accounts we should despise this guy but iconic, quotable, and hilarious are the words that spring to mind when I see him. Shoutout also of course to Catherine, Jeffrey, and Glenn who fit just right in this movie and help make it better than it already was. The production design and special effects are half the fun of the film in my opinion mixing the mundane with the marvellously macabre, it just covers all the bases. Visually striking sets, prosthetics, creature effects with costumes and stop motion, it's a home run in that department. The score by Danny Elfman strikes that mischievous and eerie quality, not my favorite soundtrack of his filmography but a very good one nevertheless. It's just an entertaining and very funny movie, not in an overtly comedic way where they set stuff up for a joke a minute it's more natural in the dialogue, but hey it certainly works for me. I wish I could say it works for everyone, I won't divulge the name of the hapless dipshit who made the equation of weird=bad in their final thoughts on this film but I burned the bridge with them on it and never looked back. This is a great, odd, funny movie that hasn't lost a smidge of it's luster in the 20 years I have viewed it. 4 stars, 8/10, and boy howdy let me tell you I never thought the day would come where a sequel would be made so stay tuned for that!

Rewind This

I don't even want to call this a documentary, it's so much more a retrospective.

I absolutely adore Rewind This, it might be the biggest love letter to VHS I've ever seen. Again it doesn't really dig into the history of how VHS came to be, what it accomplished, and how it faded, it certainly touches on those things but really it's this look at so many facets of that industry. 90 minutes with credits can't do it justice, so it's very much like here when we do lightning rounds. They touch on how JVC came up with the idea, the competition with Betamax tapes, how studios sold the rights to get films on tape, they even delve into the adult market and how pornos made an impact, they discuss cover art for the boxes, tape trading and bootlegging, how independent filmmaking got a big surge thanks to the video camera, among other topics. It's all done with a lot of love and positivity, the range of interviews solidifies this point alone, we see some familiar faces from Adjust Your Tracking, but we also see video store owners, recognizable names of the horror industry, a good few japanese actors and filmmakers, and more that makes it undeniably real and even at times heartfelt. I will say this little special started off with an iron fist to my solar plexus, we start off at a Trader's Village and I was like huh I've been to one of those before, and then the city of Grand Prairie Texas pops up and I was half expecting to see 9 year old me on camera at any moment, never has any piece of media quite hit that close to home for me! After that I was glued to the screen, and honestly the more I think about it the more genuine appreciation and affection I have for this retrospective grows. Everything is just worn on it's sleeve here, it's the most candid and somehow unbiasedly biased documentary I've seen. It's dirt simple in terms of production but it's the stories, the experiences, the emotions showcased here that grabs you! Sweet Jesus God, when they start talking about the then modern landscape of media and how physical media is being put by the wayside um...Nostradamus himself couldn't have called it better and if anything reinforces why I try my damndest to buy the things I love. I have, hand over my heart, more than 1,100 pieces of music on my phone's library but I still buy CDs. I actually have a bevy of streaming platforms but with certain films and shows I wholeheartedly buy them. I am a hardcover book kind of Dude, I won't even touch a digital book. Now granted admittedly I'm a jaded old man who loves his anachronisms that is plain to see, yet I feel anyone can grasp especially when watching this why people not only hold VHS so dearly but advocate to own something for life physically. I'm really blown away by this. Adjust Your Tracking was the extreme side of the VHS fan spectrum, whereas this is more mainstream and as stated above focuses on the many aspects of the format. I couldn't recommend it higher, and hypocritical though it is you can watch both these documentaries on Tubi for free but I would gladly slap down money for the VHS copy of this celebration of home video. 4 stars, 8.5/10! And next week we look at something that I was positive I've reviewed before and was amazed I didn't.

Adjust Your Tracking

Fun fact true fact, both this and my next review have been sitting in my Amazon cart since about 2016.

So to finally get to watch this is pretty neat, I mean anything with VHS is up my alley. But holy fuckaroli I thought I was dedicated to good old fashioned videotapes, until I saw this documentary and the maniacs presented therein. Now it's not really about the history or commercial impact VHS had on the world, it's more about the hardcore collectors and their undying passion for what many people even in 2012 when they were filming this damn thing would deem obsolete. It's a very simple and straightforward project where they just film these guys about their experiences, memories, and love for VHS which does rather prompt me to join in the fun myself and tell tales. Although my collection is sparse compared to theirs and my experience with videotapes is rather limited to that 1995 to 2005 era, so basically the tail end of it all I am a stalwart believer in physical media and have a soft spot for this material. If the statistic presented in this documentary is true, 45% of VHS showcases whether movie, show, or other has not made the leap to DVD or even Blu-Ray kinda proves why I refuse to say it's dead or useless. Do I have nostalgic ties to it? Of course I do. I got 3 or 4 banana boxes filled with tapes and still watch them from time to time! So I can easily understand and appreciate the folks shown here and their dedication, it's undeniably a niche documentary for a niche group but it's interesting to hear their stories and see how they've built a community with likeminded people. That was easily my favorite part near the end when you hear them talk about how fun and rewarding it is to seek and hunt films either solo or with friends at these hole in the wall shops or even at yard sales and stuff like that, I mean it's gratifying to hear from my point of view. When I first moved down to where I live now, those first couple of months, I was trying to seek out any video store I could and every single one no longer existed. It was a bummer man but it was always something I enjoyed, Blockbuster was pretty much it when I was far younger than I am now and to wander the aisles and rent something I never would have seen otherwise was special! I love bopping around used bookstores and looking at stuff, I do still on occasion pick up a VHS tape if it's something I love and want to have. I love my old shit, I can't help it and I shan't do anything to stop it. I think it's pretty groovy to see people want to preserve history in any form they can, and you can tell the folks interviewed have the love for it even if the movie sucks. It doesn't help I was familiar with some of the movie titles they were throwing around and hearing some of the prices of money they dropped on certain films made me just shake my head and sigh heavily, but fans exist of all types of media where they accept it all good, bad, or ugly. I can't hate that! For a barely 80 minute look into extreme collectors of magnetic home video entertainment it was a fun watch and I'm just happy I got to ramble about something I love. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10!

Poultrygeist

I'm not disappointed.

Despite the absolute shitstorm hellscape I was briefly aware of on the production of this movie, Poultrygeist is my second favorite Troma movie now. The adage "art through adversity" exists for a reason and this might be the most biting and outrageous commentary on not only fast food but social outcry as well. Based around a fried chicken restaurant built on an indian burial ground we follow the plight of hapless dipshit Arbie who when confronted with his liberally minded and newly lesbionic girlfriend Wendy out of spite works at the fast food joint, as cross contamination with food and obvious green death goo births zombie chicken people and the fight to stay alive is on. Easily the funniest since Toxic Avenger both in the blunt lines and visual gags, you can tell they had a lot to say but credit must go to the actors who make it as funny as it is. Jason Yachanin is nothing short of hilariously dumb as Arbie, honestly to the point where he's an unlikeable prick who somehow still makes you laugh. Very few people in fact are present who you can cheer for! Kate Graham as Wendy slays me with some of her line deliveries and her run makes me almost weep just thinking about it now, and Wendy is unabashedly a stance on the mostly ditzy bimbo who's a try hard environmentalist fighting the good fight (or at least attempting to). Robin L. Watkins is our human villain this time around, the epitome of corpulence and greed as the restaurant chain's leader who does everything in his power to keep the food running amidst all the body fluids painting the walls. But is it parody if it's true? If legends have a kernel of truth to them, parodies have a thick layer of truth to them. My choice of favorite character is Hummus, mainly because every character gives her shit on her muslim heritage which is beyond unwarranted and she gets to save the day at the end, so I dig that. Oh did I mention it's kind of a musical too? It's not prevalent throughout, but we do get legit music numbers when characters sing their feels or have a debate complete with backup dancers, I won't lie it's pretty catchy. The special effects have never been more gross or bloody and while I'm not positive what the budget was it all came together super well, from the zombie chicken prosthetics, to the geysers of blood, to the shall we say creative implements utilized it's very impressive what all they got on screen. In fact it certainly sounds like a miracle there was even a movie at all, and I'm interested to watch the documentary for myself which is on record as required viewing material if you ever want to work at Troma. It certainly makes me appreciate the film all the more when you hear it's such a hassle to get done. We sure went out on a high note and I'm very pleased to have finally gotten my hands on that underground niche of shock cinema, but knowing me I kinda figured I would enjoy it anyway! And you're in luck if you sick bastards want in as well because every movie reviewed here and then some is available 100% free on Tubi. 4 stars, 8/10, and in the words of Johnny Olson come on down!

Tromeo And Juliet

I would easily watch this over the Baz Luhrman movie any day of the week.

Now is it shall we say faithful to Shakespeare? Nnnnno. But a funny adaptation it is, taking the romance of star crossed lovers and their feuding families and delivers it the only way Troma could. It's undoubtedly a passion project from Lloyd and took a long ass time to get backing enough to even start production, but he wanted to go for it and I must give credit where it is due. This was not a Kabukiman style production of over a million bucks, about $350,000 but the quality on the screen speaks volumes to the dedicated crew who worked on it. It takes a fine balance to quote Shakespeare among other classic authors and combine that with gore and lewdness, but it works well in my eyes. It certainly helps this is one of the strongest casts I've seen in a Troma picture, Jane Jensen and Will Keenan effortlessly captures that wide eyed romance just with a lot more banging involved, William Beckwith is a classically trained actor and ooh it has been a minute since I've seen a villain this damn hateable and just gross he may truthfully be the standout performance, Valentine Miele which is a name in and of itself something ol' William would come up with is such a little shit that he may be my favorite of the troupe, and if you need any confirmation as to why I enjoy this so much the whole story and narration is done by fuckin' Lemmy from Motorhead. That absolutely should have been part of every production of this play. Admittedly it's not as out there as some of the other movies I've reviewed this week, at least until nearer the end, and it takes such a street level view with this world known story that warrants at least one viewing. The production design, the extras, the soundtrack, the effects, all the pieces that make it come together give a lot of flavor and variety because let's be honest here Romeo & Juliet has been told too many times that it gets fucking boring! Goddamn if they showed this in my 9th grade english class I guarantee everyone would not only be glued to the screen but could write a hell of a report after the fact! It's a parody absolutely but that doesn't diminish the effect or relevance of it's being. If you wanted body piercings, lesbionics, loss of limb, and plenty of cussing in your theatre play look no further. It's entertaining as hell and we all know hell is pretty entertaining. 3 stars, 7.5/10! 21st century Troma here we come!

Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD

I don't know what's stranger, the film or how the film came to be.

Apparently this was an offshoot of a character in Toxic Avenger Part 2, and Lloyd being Lloyd made a joke about commiting to a kabuki character film when, I shit you not, word got spread and Namco yes the video game Namco approached Troma with a $1.5 million dollar budget to make a family friendly media icon. From the way Lloyd wrote about it he seemed rather disappointed he didn't commit to going full Troma or full kid friendly and kinda bounced back and forth. Me however? This is another great movie that I was so happy to have watched! I had a blast reveling in the ludicrous story of New York cop Harry Griswold getting entangled in a murder case and being imbued with magic powers, taking on an almost superhero persona of Kabukiman and going after a rich suit who orchestrated the killing. What I think helps tether it down to where it's not so outrageously stupid you can't enjoy it is Rick Gianasi as Harry, he has this Jack Burton quality to how he plays Harry a reasonable guy who has experienced some very unreasonable things, and somehow maintains dignity in that costume. Assisting him in learning his capabilities is Lotus played by Susan Byun who is just as amazing if not more so than Rick, she's a badass and just cracks me the hell up! Even the villain and his motley crew of henchmen are pretty entertaining, it's like everyone knew precisely what kind of movie this is and gauged their performances just right. That is some damn credit to the director and actors, cause while I undoubtedly love the movie I don't know if I could ever pull off acting in it. In a strange sense it nearly has this Power Rangers feel to it, and admittedly yes the tokusatsu sentai thing was very much around in 1990 but I don't think it had any influence on the production. It just feeeels like it, they even do the low angle front flip shot which is synonymous with that genre which makes me just enjoy it all the more. I know Troma worked very closely with a consultant as to not sabotage the film with offending japanese audiences so the over the top humor with the powers of Kabukiman I feel work just fine in the picture. It's a very solid production all around, very good directing around New York City, great cast as far as I'm concerned, the action is sparse but fun and memorable regardless, the humor is spot on for me and scratches that parody style Troma incorporates, and it's another home run for me this week! I feel confident in saying Troma's attitudes toward filmmaking is don't take shit from anyone only give shits, because they do not slack off. They make it work with what they can do and that's a pretty affirming stance with independent filmmakers everywhere. Strong recommendation once more, 4 stars, 8/10! One more for you from the 90s next time.

Class Of Nuke Em' High

Boy high school in the 80s really must have been a different beast.

Made just 2 years after Toxic Avenger Troma set it's sights on a less than traditional teen story involving a nuclear power plant woefully administered and spreading radioactive material to the less than quarter mile away high school leading to mutations, freak outs, and a monster in the basement. Now admittedly this didn't grab me in an iron clad vise like Toxie but don't let that discourage you, it's still a decent movie that's more for the fun of it all than to tell a strong story. It still has that off the wall Troma humor that you would expect as we see the various groups of students interact, our mostly straight laced couple Chrissy and Warren, the class clown Eddie, and the punked out rebels stirring shit constantly the Cretins. Again pushing the environmental message of Toxic Avenger and shows just how easy contamination can occur with nuclear waste, but thankfully in a fun campy way and not the slit your wrists horrific dread of Chernobyl. I do like our leads a fair bit with Chrissy getting my vote for best character and she's quite a screamer to boot, the Cretins though not as ridiculously overblown as the antagonists in Toxic Avenger have their moments and it must have been grand to act these roles, and I will be straight up the mutated monster design is honestly one of the best and most original I have seen in recent memory almost to the point I could recommend watching it just for that alone! The plot progression might seem meandering and there is hardcore setup/payoff moments but it really will depend on what keeps your attention, and for me it semi did. I was never bored with it and had a few good laughs so it's far from fluff! They definitely had more of a budget for effects and some of them are pretty damn amazing in my eyes, the cast looks like they were having some fun bringing these characters to life, and I truly did want to see just how it would all end. I am happy I saw it, and no doubt it has a good deal of fans, but it was just decent for me. 2.5 stars, 6/10, and we enter the 90s next time.

The Toxic Avenger

Greetings from Tromaville!

It's time. Granted it hasn't been on my list for a long time but the motion pictures of Troma have grabbed my interest enough to where I'm gonna review a good selection throughout the decades starting with the movie that truly made Troma what it is today. The Toxic Avenger is a great movie, I have no qualms saying that. For a relatively low budget movie about a dweeby janitor getting covered in toxic waste and mutating into basically a superhero (albeit a bloodsoaked one), it's hard to deny it's charm and more so the comedy. It might just be the most outrageous, over the top, completely unserious movie I have ever laid eyes on to the point where the absurdity is in excess. You could be the most prudish, stick up your ass, fucking square² person on the face of the earth and you couldn't take this seriously! You don't even need a certain sense of humor to get it, you just need A sense of humor to get it! I was pretty invested not too far from the opening shot and credit to where it's due on the production side of things they did make this as good as they could, and I read Lloyd's book All I Need To Know About Filmmaking I Learned From The Toxic Avenger and it sounds like a shoestring crew of very talented people contributing as much as they can. The effects are great and delightfully gory, the stunts are not too flashy but done very well, and the overall cinematography I felt was just right for this movie. It's definitely one of the most 80s movies I've seen in pure aesthetic choices but what I truly appreciated was the stances the film took on real life issues, damning landfills and improper waste management, showing elected officials who have no interest in the people they serve, and they even take a jab at the health craze going on around the mid 80s. Lloyd is a wacky guy but the man is well read and forward thinking about issues and combine that with Michael Herz booksmarts on running the production company and sharing the same views meant there was going to be more to this than just a monster movie. Toxie is shaping up to be my role model after this movie, you'll think I'm cracked out a bit saying this but this is a very uplifting movie, sure it's got headcrushing and guts plus some of the most hilariously ludicrous crimes but it has definite heart. Simple acts of kindness from Toxie while also cleaning the streets of scumbags speaks to me. I'd happily walk a little old lady across the street before dashing some child prostituting asshole's grey matter out on the pavement. There's even a funny and cute romance with him and a blind girl named Sara, I'm rooting for that until the day I die! Definitely a movie meant to be watched late night with likeminded friends and junk food aplenty. It's an odd piece of cinematic history but is a lot more than most anybody would ever give it credit for. Super strong recommendation from me, 4 stars easily, 8.5/10!

Alien Romulus

Thank the space gods!

Good news, it was better than Ressurection. It is undoubtedly kind of a mish mash of all previous Alien movies, has that haunted house style buildup of the first, a bit of action from Aliens, the desperate hunt from Alien 3, there's even a bit of Ressurection in there but done so friggin' much better it's like not even a laughing matter. Set after the destruction of the Nostromo from the original Alien we follow a young lady named Rain and her synthetic friend Andy as they accompany a group of salvagers to an oribiting space station to secure cryopods for the deep space journey to another world. The movie take it's time setting everything up and starts to build the characters before we even step foot on the Romulus station, and it's not quite the same as that bleak buildup in Aliens where you know shit went down, it's business as usual until one action dominoes the gates of hell opening. It's damn near 2 hours with credits but we get a solid introduction and grasp on the crew and their personalities which I appreciate. It's far too easy to make meat for the grinder instead of writing real characters but that's not found here. Rain and Andy are a quite sweet duo lead and I certainly wanted them to make it out, but even the salvage crew for the most part are likeable average day people who get dragged into this nightmare which I like. The visuals are honestly better than Covenant by a country mile, effortlessly constructing that analogue tech and the claustrophobic interiors with all the modern toys of filmmaking so pure gold across the board in that department. They make the facehuggers and xenomorphs scary again, maybe even more than the original, and the design work is something to be admired. Alien bodysuits, animatronic facehuggers, mmm it's a bit special. There really only was one aspect I didn't like and not even really because it's bad it's just something I strongly disagreed with, but you'll know it when you see it. And yes you absolutely should see it over the weekend, it's just right for Alien fans and I think they'll get a good deal out of it. Hell even if this was your first foray into that universe, and judged the film purely on it's own merits I feel you would still dig it. I loved it and am so happy to report we are back baby! 3.5 stars, 8/10, and grab one of those rad popcorn buckets if you get the chance!

Alien Ressurection

God fuck almighty.

I think I can sum up this movie in one single quote so thank Carrie Fisher for this when she told George Lucas "You know you can write this stuff but you can't say it.". I would so rather be doing better things with my time than talking about Alien Ressurection. Who the hell is this movie made for? I am serious, I demand an answer. It's not Alien fans I can tell you that right now. Alright well, the story is set about 200 years after Alien 3 when a different compnay it's not even Weyland-Yutani anymore they don't exist clones Ripley, how they achieved this makes somehow even less sense than when she had a chestburster in her last movie which made 0% sense, in an attempt to mass breed Xenomorphs. Mercenaries enter the fray, shit goes south, and it's a race to escape as per usual. I truly do not like bashing on movies, it takes so much effort and creativity to make a movie even if it's not objectively good, but I ain't got much good to say. The whole thing just feels off, I can't tell if it's going for a campy cheesy space monster movie vibe due to mainly the performances and plot progression, and it really didn't work if it did. Maybe it's partly on the directing but I personally put it all on the script written by Joss Whedon hack fuck extraordinaire, because no director could make this work. Toss all the details of the production in the garbage and just read it like it's a bare bones script, and you will find precisely dick right with it. So you take the script, you get a french director who somehow recovered from this and directed Amèlie 4 years later, get a fairly noteworthy cast of actors, obviously Sigourney Weaver returns, Winona Ryder, Ron Perlman, and Brad Dourif among several others, and nothing could save it. It's not turn your brain off entertainment, it's IQ crippling entertainment. I almost said you just have to see some examples to understand that, but absolutely not. It isn't worth the time or money. And truth be told it's not a shoddy production, pretty diverse selection of sets and thusly scenarios, the alien suits look damn good, the gore is quick admittedly but gnarly just the same, and even the CG for a 1997 film is pretty well executed! It certainly wasn't a phone it in movie and had some talent on it, but it really was torpedoed by the writing. Way to spit on the actual ending to this damn series by cloning Ripley and I guess somehow when you clone people alien DNA can get mixed right on in there so Ripley is like 95% human 5% Xenomorph, because science. Now Sigourney ain't acting bad here but there isn't much to do. Winona Ryder I feel suffers the worst here, again not due to her acting ability cause I've seen her act and she does fine, but it's the directing that makes her this insufferable ass character with so little to contribute to...anything, even existing to be candid. Also how in the ever loving circles of hell itself did you make Ron Perlman completely unlikeable? The man has charm and a lot of affability that is pretty present in his body of work, I've never seen a movie where I wasn't happy to see him until today! There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for this treachery! Just no. And Brad Dourif, well he practically gets a universal pass for anything, regardless of how weird the part is and it's plenty out there in this damn movie, I love him too much to be mean. God bless them they are all trying but I couldn't do any better myself trying to juggle this bloody movie. I never thought I'd bitch about set design in my life but you wanna talk tryhard? They attempted so hard to have the spaceship feel like the Nostromo from the first Alien movie and got absolutely nothing right about it, it's too well lit, it doesn't have an ounce of atmosphere, and it's not shot even effectively enough to where they could fake it until they make it. I could not recommend it under any circumstance or personal preference. It is just a dumb, idiotic, moronic, stupid piece of entertainment that was made in 1997 and hasn't been relevant since. 1.5 stars, 4.5/10, oh let Romulus be good!

Alien 3

Or Alien cubed for those mathematically inclined.

There's only so many ways I can just say, what the hell people?! Here we go again, a movie I have not heard a scrap of good things about and guess what I'm about to say? It was quite good! I just can't rely on anyone's opinion but mine. Almost every criticism I've heard I can rebuke even, maybe it was just a good day but I can applaud the movie for the direction it wanted to take. So we pick up pretty soon after Aliens ends and admittedly this is one of the few marks against the plot, but somehow an egg was on the ship as Ripley, Hicks, Newt, and Bishop escaped on which hatched and through some loss of blood that isn't rightly explained causes the ship to malfunction and the cryopods get jettisoned onto an ore mining prison world known as Fury 161, killing all members aboard except Ripley. Now can I understand why people were upset over that? Yes. Can I also understand why the movie went in the direction it did? Yes. So Ripley is now trapped on a prison world with a Xenomorph about, no weapons of any kind, and the Weyland company is inbound to claim it, so let's go do this. You'd be surprised though how little you truly see the alien until the climax of the movie, the majority of the film is Ripley getting acquainted with her surroundings, cooperating with inmates, it's way more a prison drama if anything. I like that! We get good conversations, pretty damn good actors, and the movie moves at a quick enough pace. Sigourney is still just as good as ever and stood staunchly by the director through the tumultous production, it's friggin' awesome to see a young Charles Dance in a fairly prominent role and rightfully is a highlight, to see Paul McGann in anything is a treat for a whovian like myself even if his part is more lessened in the theatrical cut, and we even get Lance Henriksen back for a bit and we love that guy! Like I'm just floundering so hard to comprehend why people think it's a bad movie, that's it's bleak and nihilistic, even the so called claims of religion are next door to zilch. Like...did I just watch the wrong fucking movie?? I know there's a producer's cut out there that's a bit different but my confusion is unending here. I mean yes losing our crew from Aliens just sucks, that there is no light at the end of the tunnel for them, but I felt they wanted to cap this series off entirely. I wish it was true but no dice there as we'll talk about tomorrow. Yes it's a pretty dystopian shithole world that's potrayed but it's a prison planet, cry about it I don't know what to tell you. I'll at least give credit for some solid sets and corridors plus some cool exterior shots. The nihilistic one is what fucking slays me, pretty soon the inmates are aware of the creature and that it's more likely than not a no-win scenario for them but instead of sitting on their asses waiting to get head fucked by a Xenomorph they start forming plans and taking action. There is no severe cloud of dread or depression here, there's moments yes but you'd think this would either be the movie that bores you to sleep or tempts you to eat cyanide from the word of mouth since 1992. And the religion thing, frankly I think people need to realize a cigar is just a cigar. Albeit there are inmates who stick to a code of religion, there's one shot of exterior wreckage that looks like a cross, and they initially describe the alien as a "dragon" and "the beast" two monikers for Satan (and that's if you are well read on such things), I mean it's not like Ripley is touted as the Lisan al-Gaib or some shit. I am so close to losing it here, it has been a hot ass minute since I have so feverishly disagreed with just about every person under the sun on a movie, and I just. Don't. Get it. Admittedly the production was a far cry from a cakewalk, so much interference from 20th Century Fox in fact to the point where the director was fired not once, not twice, but three times a go fuck yourself Hollywood when in truth he was just having to make the best of a terrible situation trying to get this movie in the can and is the movie's biggest detractor to this day because of all this nonsense. To which I reply, I think you did mighty fine work overall. You wanna know what the biggest problem is for me? I'll tell you, it's spoilery as all get out but I'll tell you. To those who want out, go watch it for yourself, I quite liked it, there is something you can get out of it. Kay? Kay. The chestburster in Ripley. That is the most handwaved aspect of the entire movie! How did she get it? When did she get it? Why did it take like a fortnight to burst? I know it's to facilitate the death of the character at the end and bring this shit to a stop as a trilogy, but it's not very well explained much like the egg of the facehugger at the beginning of the movie. And the alien at times looks pretty off which is odd because they used the practical suit technique but green screened it into shots, because that makes sense right? But beyond that, very solid movie. Relatively small gripes wouldn't you say? I'm never letting this go for as long as I live, I shan't. 3 stars, 7/10, I'm out.

Borderlands

As a complete and utter noob to this video game series, the movie ain't that bad.

When picking showtimes today this had a whopping 3% on the asswipe of a review website Rotten Tomatoes to which I replied, I'll judge that for myself. And while it's probably not a flawless adaptation and truthfully is a more loose and carefree adventure film with a firm layer of cheese to it, it's decent. It starts off as a kidnap retrieval but spirals into a bit of a treasure hunt as we link up with several members of a dysfunctional group, Lilith a bounty hunter, Roland a soldier, Krieg a bulky specimen not too far from the Mad Max series, Tina the girl kidnapped who kicks off this plot, and Claptrap a quirky robot. In fact quirky kinda sums it up for me, this is a movie that unabashedly just does it's own thing with little consideration for others, the action ranges from typical to wild, the comedy though it did get a few laughs out of me is that particular kind of offbeat where most would claim it cringeworthy, the production and worldbuilding are a teensy bit shaky but overall solid, and the soundtrack actually did a few things for me. But of course this is all from the perspective of someone who knows nothing about the Borderlands video games, I know it's highly stylized with almost cel shading, is based entirely on getting better loot, and seems completely friggin' nuts. I won't mind playing it one day so I can only judge it as a movie on it's own merits. Personally I loved Cate Blanchett to bits in this movie, she looks like she's having a lot of fun and God have mercy on my soul for how much I was crushing on her! Just whew. Ariana Greenblatt I could see some giving a lot of good grief for playing this bratty, better than you, nutball of a kid but I liked her just fine and adored the relationship she had with Krieg. It did take me a quick sec to realize Jack Black voices Claptrap who got the most laughs out of me, and it's been a bloody minute since I've had a four way tie of favorite characters in this film! I don't know if I can pick one over the other, they all bring something that I love and enjoy to the table! Fascinating world that was potrayed, had some Blade Runner, had a fair mix of Mad Max, felt even a bit D&D at periods with some of the encounters. Is it great? No. Is it flat out bad? Far from it. It sits in the middle for me, I can recommend it if you have a taste for oddball adventure stories and hodgepodge character parties. This may sound strange but this movie gave me early 2000s vibes around that 2003 to 2006 era of both sci-fi movies and live action kids movies, it's all just bizzare but hey maybe that fits the world of Borderlands just fine. I give it 2.5 stars, 6.5/10! 

Doom

Yyyeah that's about what I expected.

It's an early 2000s video game adaptation, they tried admittedly but it ain't all that and a bag of chips. I am kinda new to the Doom thing, played a good few levels of the first, beat the 2016 and Doom Eternal games that was a lot of fun and a wonderful de-stresser, and I'm fairly pumped for The Dark Ages so I figured it was worth at least a look into the movie. Now let's just be on the level here there isn't much plot in Doom, even novelizations of Doom are just demon, bang bang, moving on. So it's not a hard story to botch...but. The movie isn't bad, but it ain't too friggin' great either. Set in the fairly distant future of 2046 where humans have set up a research station on Mars where oopsy daisy we unearthed some evil and a tactical team of marines are transported there essentially to rescue scientists before getting knee deep in the dead. Serviceable story, but the devil is in the details and that's where the score wanes a bit. Admittedly the cast is decent with Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike, Dwayne Johnson, Richard Brake, and Deobia Oparei with some admittedly acting better than others but they get the job done. I will give a good amount of respect and props for the singular fact that the director of the movie wanted to do as much in camera, it could have been absurdly simple to take the easy way out and CG the bejeezus out of this movie but you get plenty of sets that are fairly extensive, full on creature suits from Stan Winston's company, and only usage of CG when it's necessary. That is some commendable shit for 2005, and for a video game adaptation at that! I'm not sure if Doom 3 had much influence on the movie with it being released a year beforehand, but this leans more towards the "horror" than the action. And I use bunny ears there because it's the most lackluster horror in a horror movie I've ever seen if you even want to call it that. My biggest gripe about the movie is the demons, or aliens, or whatever the fuck they are cause they're not from Hell, interesting designs admittedly but I have never seen a bigger batch of wimps in my life. You're demons, you don't run and sneak attack if someone shoots at you, you disembowl them and chew on their eyes! Like seriously the action is so just not good, this is DOOM we are talking about and the gunplay is below average. I understand they only had so much budget and couldn't do a shooting range with 20 monsters in a room with explosive barrels and all that, but it needed to pump that energy up. At the start okay fine, you need some buildup and mystery. But the action if anything should have escalated to a fever pitch as the movie progressed to the one on one boss fight essentially. But it's much of the same, wandering ill lit hallways and trying desperately to even see a monster let alone make it swiss fucking cheese. Even when they do a first person view with some shooty action near the end it's less Doom and more interactive DVD menu. But they did put effort into it, this wasn't a cash grab with a big middle finger to the audience and fans, even if everything didn't work it's not a terrible film. Honestly my feelings can be summed up in the box office revenue, the film had a budget of $60 million and the box office gross was $58 million. So close, just a little off, nearly but no cigar. That sums it up. And I wasn't hopping in here ready to be blown away or expecting something grand, I just gotta call it like I see it. I would rather just watch someone play Doom for about 90 minutes, but that's just me. I'm sure there's a fan of it somewhere and I won't put you down man. It's a decent movie but I have no urge to watch it again, so I give it 2 stars, 5.5/10!

Super Mario Bros.: The Great Mission To Rescue Princess Peach

That's a long ass title.

We're back with the video games and immediately when I heard of an animated theatrically released Mario movie made just one single year after the video game came out, I knew I couldn't pass it up. Side bar but I promise it relates, recently I've been reading the novelizations of Star Wars films but specifically when they first came out alongside the movies, and you get a lot of elements that were not on screen in the slightest and there's a difference in the "canon" and the same can be said for this. But surprisingly it's a very decent adaptation of the story used in the instruction manual for the original NES game, the Mushroom Kingdom is under attack by the Koopa tribe who abduct Princess Peach and two brothers embark to save her. But it gets weird. For example, one night Mario is up late playing Famicom games when like a reverse Captain N the princess launches out the TV screen before being captured by Bowser and that kicks off the whole movie, that's scene one. I know it's just a show and I should really just relax, but man this was the lore back then! There's no other source or adaptation almost 40 years down the road to contradict anything because it came out just a singular year after the game, and it takes a lot of liberties with the characterization and world building. The Mario brothers aren't plumbers, they run a grocery store. Luigi wears blue overalls and cap instead of green. The Toads are all female. Aspects like that are what makes it so interesting to watch, to see how far it has come as a series. I will freely admit it is one of those "because" movies, where shit happens for no reason than just because. Prime example off the top of my head, in the middle of the climactic battle with Bowser a bowl of rice and a packet of rice seasoning appears for Mario to eat literally out of thin air. Why? Because. They were loose with their storytelling once upon a time, now everything has to be done seriously and make total sense....as if anything about this series makes sense. Animation wise it's not super fluid and clean but here's my stance on that, my domain of knowledge and watching of anime is in that time period of 1995 to 2005 that's just what I know best. However I always jump at the chance to see anime from pre-1990 all the way back to the 1960s, just to see how the medium developed and changed. So I liked seeing the old school animation techniques some of which is akin to Hanna-Barbera cartoons at points, and some of the background shots were really cool. You just have to throw any modicum of preconception about Mario or anime out the window otherwise it probably isn't gonna do much for you. The movie runs at a fast pace, it's only an hour long but back then in 1986 it must have been a blast to see on the big screen because Mario was huge even then in Japan. A relic of a time long past that thankfully has been preserved, you can watch the whole dang thing on the Youtubes, but it's neat to watch. There's a lot of visual nods to things that didn't even exist yet in the Mario games, the airship makes an appearance from Mario 3, Mario dons a sombrero for a quick joke about 30 years before Super Mario Odyssey, and Bowser wants to wed Peach again like Odyssey and the new Super Mario Bros. Movie. It's a trip man but if you've learned anything here I like the strange and unusual, and I give it 2.5 stars, 6.5/10, so check it out if you're curious. Grab some food, maybe get some friends together and have a game night, and just throw it on to see what everyone thinks. Me personally, I'm about to throw on Peaches by Jack Black.

A Slight Detour, Jeopardize The Mission It Will Not.

Life you never cease to confound my efforts. Alright well I hate to say it and hate even more to live it, but things have been going south for about a month now. Job troubles, having to start the game all over again to find a good source of income without doing the whoring, and moving into a new apartment has pretty much bled me dry and I have no idea what to do. I'm tired, I'm strung out, and I'm spiraling downward into a patch of depression. However! I may have gotten a semi-okay job but the problem is it's gonna be like a 12 hour shift three or four days out of the week. Most likely not even going to be a do a whole lot of nothing kind of job, so I'm having to play the waiting game until all the details are revealed. In fact I've been out of the house for about 5 hours today getting paperworked signed and just got settled in my comfy chair. I honestly do not know if I can make it to see Trap tomorrow because of this ongoing situation or really any new releases this month, I'll try my damndest but it's only fair to give an update on what's been happening behind the scenes and what potentially is coming in the future. I hate that. Nobody likes getting upheaved unexpectedly and I am on the brink of cursing and hexing many many people for compromising my future, but maybe I won't have to now. We all can dream can't we? I'm gonna peruse some films and ideas for the next few weeks and see what I can do. What fun!

Another Round

I know this didn't get over here.

And I knew precisely zero about what the movie was about, all the information I had was Mads Mikkelsen was in it and it was picked for the Cannes film festival. That's really all it took for me to want to see it. It's been a heinously long period since I've seen that flawless handsome man and shock of all shocks delivers another great performance, as a high school teacher named Martin that is having a bit of a mid-life crisis and feels like he's losing his identity when he joins his three friends who also teach in an experiment to study the effects of consistently having a 0.05% blood alcohol level. Now immediately once you hear that it's guaranteed to go to hell in a handbasket, and it's one of the best instances outside of a horror movie where you feel this blanket of dread hang over you just waiting for that other shoe to fall. And the film has these moments, a very particular style of shot where the camera is focused in closeup on Martin's face and there is zero dialogue but you can see so much in his eyes and you know it's all going to end badly. I mean I've heard enough horror stories through my life, especially in reading autobiographies of rockstars, of just how shitty alcohol is. Speaking personally I can't understand the mentality of getting shitfaced drunk, I hate alcoholic beverages that are fermented which pretty much knocks every type off the board, I'm a light mixer kind of guy that drinks like twice a year, so to see this slow downward spiral reaffirmed everything I knew already. But it's the performances that make you want to watch it, the characters are not holding great depths but are easily identifiable and likeable, I mean they have to be likeable for the drama to occur and to where you feel bad for them. It's a pretty slim cast in terms of major players with Mads, Magnus Millang, Thomas Bo Larsen, and Lars Ranthe as our quartet of teachers who are the focal point. The secondary cast consists more of their families and students which we see sporadically throughout as the gauge of their behavior. It is so interesting to see as an american how the attitudes and schooling system is in Denmark, obviously it's not super focused on but I get a kick out of seeing different perspectives and customs anyway, so Denmark and the danish language are welcome sights. Plus as a devout cinema snob, I always love when a movie is foreign even if it's bad. Really neat directing, the vast majority is handheld which flows as freely as the alcohol on screen but knows when to set the camera down for a very nice shot, it gives that loosey goosey go with the flow feel which fits this film juuuust right. Also we get an almost Bollywood style dance scene. Amazing. Ridiculously simple story concept but still is able to craft a very good piece of cinema, I easily can recommend it, and you can watch the whole film free like I did on Tubi. I give it 3 stars, 8/10, and new movie on Friday. What a life to live.

Poor Things

Boy do I feel like an utter asshole for missing this movie.

I saw the trailer, I was intrigued, and I'm not sure if either the movie didn't make it down here or I was just busy with other stuff but the fact I'm only just now getting to it is a crying shame in my eyes. Where the hell do I start?? I'd be amazed if there was any satisfactory synopsis of this picture but best I can describe it is, if you took elements of Frankenstein and combined it with essentially the story of a woman maturing, exploring, and finding her place set amidst this steampunk late 19th century world, and add a healthy dash of bizzare. It it unashamedly out there, with dry wit, great humor, and an expansive story that you have zero clue where it's going to go. Emma Stone is our lead as Bella Baxter and I think it's safe to say this is my favorite performance of hers bar none, to explain the character would pretty much involve me spelling out all the details of the story, so all I'll say is fantastic casting. Willem DaFoe plays her parental figure affectionately called God, I love the design of the character and the scientific bluntness of his lines, he's more prominent at the start but has a strong anchor that bookends the film. Ramy Youssef as young scientist Max has the most minor role of our main cast but still stands strong despite it, acting as a love interest for Bella who is not only accepting but passionate for her. Mark Ruffalo, again might honestly be my favorite role of his, he just gets to go out there and play this utter scoundrel of a foppish socialite but may be the funniest part of the movie, his performamce is grand in every sense and never failed to make me shake my head and quote Nandor The Relentless with "Fucking guy.". Those are the prominent main players but even the supporting cast down to even individuals you see in just one scene are great, all adding to this surreal fever dream of a world that we travel. I have never ever seen a movie pummeled with opulence, sweet Christmas these outfits, these sets, the sky itself is shocking to admire! I mean the phrase, spared no expense comes to mind, and my God what a delight it must have been to be a concept artist or set designer on this film. Phenomenal. I feel the movie has so much intelligence to it, heavy portions of commentary and flat out parodying are abound of the time period, the customs, specifically the relationship between man and woman, there is zero doubt this was completely intentional. With this and Lisa Frankenstein I hope the trend continues for quirky ass, slightly dark, romantic, reanimation type cinema! It's a bonkers movie but ceaselessly entertaining. Utterly fascinating though to view this from my perspective, cause I'll be upfront I'm autistic as fuck, I've never even came within a country mile of a relationship, and frankly speaking leaning into that asexual side of things, so to be on the outside looking in and having a disconnect from the sex and the complex emotions somewhat akin to our protagonist (whoring notwithstanding), I feel I got a lot out of this movie and deepened my perspective of women in a strange sense. It's probably the most feminist coded film I've ever seen without bashing you over the head with it, it's there but it's subtle. Yet can it be enjoyed just as a movie on it's own? Oh, absolutely! Well worth the time seeing even if it might not fully be up your alley, I'm accustomed to the strange and unusual so I was there pretty much from the word go. Great damn film in my estimation, 4 stars across the board, 9/10! And next time I'll be hitting up another modern movie that grabbed my attention.

Light & Magic

Are y- ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!?!

I can't form coherent sentences right now, I'm too flabbergasted. Okay I mean clearly this documentary did something right in showcasing the albeit compressed history of ILM to get me in this frayed mindset, but what do you want me to say?? Cause I just sat for 6 hours watching the most impossible shit I have ever seen in my entire life. Break this down with me, we have a production company that was entirely funded independently, made up of a hodge podge of different special effects crew who are for all intents and purposes unknowns, set up in a warehouse in California, doing effects shots for a movie that from the words of the maker himself said that no studio could possibly ever do, and they gotta make Star Wars happen. This became the studio that I am 10,000% certain hasn't stopped working on a single project post 1976 and continues today as THE special effects company. This is fucking impossible. I am going to repeat that again louder for the back. This is fucking IMPOSSIBLE! How??? You'd think I would know that answer after watching a documentary with so much legit archive footage that I'm convinced there is a God because it shouldn't even exist, but I'm still just as bewildered and yet in awe of all the accomplishments Industrial Light & Magic has done. You just hear these stories from the mouths of the workers themselves of basically having to burn the book of special effects production and just write a new one from scratch, creating new techniques, having to build original equipment to implement said techniques, and then having to evolve both as they essentially changed the world of filmmaking as we know it. My mind just can't take that. Now obviously I knew some details because ohh I'm a nerd and I love watching documentaries on Star Wars, and was familiar with some of the crew on it like Dennis Muren, Phil Tippet, and Ken Ralston, but it was a drop of knowledge in comparison to this. And they do such a good job explaining it, I mean they don't go in immeasurable detail this is a mini-series not a class, and thank God they decided to make this documentary while all the big players in the founding of ILM are still kicking, they make it no secret they didn't have a damn clue how to make this all happen but they were persistent and imaginative enough to swerve around any problem. It's not super in depth, it focuses a good ⅓ on making Star Wars then treads water on some of the 80s projects like E.T. and Willow and wraps up around Phantom Menace, before they jump 20 years ahead to show what it's like now with Mando. What I really appreciated seeing with this is when they hit Jurassic Park and that shift occurs from practical effects to CG, it doesn't shy away from how that affected people. The complaint is a dime a dozen nowadays that CG is too prevalent, it's too shiny, where did practical effects go, and that frustration was felt with the actual model makers, prop makers, and stop motion animators even back then. I'm a firm believer in you need to have both to make it work, and to see all the advancements that computer technology has gained even in such a short time span as the early 1980s to the late 1990s is mindblowing to see. I think a lot of people have a preconception that oh you just hit three keys on a computer and wha-bam you got a CG environment or creature effect but it's harder than it looks nowadays, try imagining doing it when the playbook was only half written and was subject to change. You see the effort, and it's a lifechanging experience to watch this honestly if you have any affinity for special effects of any variety. I'd have a meltdown of Vesuvius proportions trying to figure out how to make Star Wars, and it is unnaturally easy to take special effects for granted but not for me anymore. It's gonna be different and humbling to have my 3,752nd rewatch of Star Wars I can tell you that much. I'm rambling I know, but there will never be enough words in either existence or quantity that can voice just how ludicrous this is. History is wild to say the least but this should have been inconcievable! I had to pause on the first episode, my hand covering my mouth, as I just leaned back in my recliner absolutely exasperated, trying to figure out how they thought of such an idea to get just one shot. Couldn't do it. Not that smart nor inventive. Completely wowed by this mini-series, I'd be a damn fool for giving it anything less than a 10/10. Frankly it deserves like a 12/10! A seven day free trial of Disney+ is worth it exclusively for this as far as I'm concerned. You have to see it, that's just it.

Baymax

Well that passed by in the blink of an eye.

I was persuing my several watchlists for material this week and decided what the heck, let's keep doing some series. I am always down for Big Hero 6 and even more so Baymax so I couldn't resist watching this but blimey is it short. 6 episodes with each clocking in around 7 minutes, it's good old fashioned Looney Tunes type of shorts and why would you wanna watch some trite reality TV when you can watch this whole show in about 45 minutes? It's a simple story with Baymax doing his programming and aiding several residents of San Fransokyo whether helping an angel sent from above who we call Aunt Cass with a sprained ankle, standing side by side with a lady who has a fear of water named Kiko, reassuring and aiding a young girl who just had her first period named Sofia, and helping a food truck owner with a severe allergy to the food he makes named Mbita. All the pieces fit together in the finale in the most heartwarming fashion possible, and it is just a sweet bit of fluff but a super well made one at that. The animation quality I dare say is even better than Big Hero 6, the architecture and colors are really dang nice, voice acting is still solid, and it is just so frick fraking funny! I had several sustained bouts of laughter throughout this short series, it's such an endearing show that has that Rilakkuma And Kaoru vibe about it. Again I hardcore relate to Baymax here, I am a round giant that tries to look after people any way I can and good lord I think the showrunners were calling me out when it came to Baymax following a cat! I'm not sure what the future holds for this series and these characters but I feel it's been a sleeper hit for Disney so it'll never truly be gone. I did expect a longer runtime admittedly but what I got was short and sweet, just how I like my wom-I'm sorry I can't do this guys. Goodnight everybody! 4 stars, 9/10! And we got a little documentary coming up later this week about a special effects company who you might have heard of. Until then, be safe and stay well.

The Acolyte: Season 1

Ho mah gawd!!

Fwack that was a ride! Okay, well, let's do this shall we. The Acolyte easily was the most look forward to series that Lucasfilm had in the pipeline, and while it wasn't the 100% dark side story perspective I wanted I still got a really damn good show. Set in the still charting era of the High Republic 100 years before The Phantom Menace, a rogue assassin is targeting Jedi knights and we slowly unravel all the pieces to this mystery over the course of 8 episodes approximately 45 minutes a piece. It's not exactly a traditional murder mystery of a whodunit, if anything the mystery is more of a puzzle coming together as we learn the assassin is a twin of a failed padawan learner named Osha and one of the targets is her master Sol, so it's all connected in some way or another as we progress through the story. We get breadcrumbs, revelations, a few surprising twists I must say, and yes I am fully calling it now this is a season finale and not a series finale because of how it ends and man was I on the edge of my seat waiting for the final shot to occur during that. No spoilers in this corner of the galaxy but even I was a bit amazed they went so far. And I'll level with you straight up this is the first Star Wars series that I was really throwing myself into the social media pool of it all, seeing artwork, people giving theories, proclaiming their loyalty to the Yord Horde, all that grand stuff week after week as we all sat huddled in anticipation for the next episode. And as with all things light there must be a dark, I won't get bogged down with it but all I can say is, you dumb ****s need better representation in this court because your arguments are the epitome of moot. Now of course I'm an easy sell, I'm hardcore Sar Wars all day every day, been making minute progress in the High Republic novels, but anyone can watch it and enjoy it without catching the easter eggs and what might seem innocuous details which are actually pretty big news for us nerds. The premise is really good and the episodes gain a lot when you watch it a second time around, the characters have already gotten absurd amounts of love and it wouldn't surprise me at all if they're already making con appearences and will be popular around October, productions and visuals easy 10/10, the choreography at times is absurdly well done and I humbly feel it did outdo duel of the fates, and all the new stuff we either get to see realized in live action or are introduced to here is cool as hell. Let's talk characters! Amandla Stenberg, never have I ever in Star Wars history crushed this hard or this quick, you are a treasure and my God do you get to show true range by playing twins Osha and Mae. Wow girl you were good and the fact you're a fan like us makes it so much sweeter. Lee Jung-jae masterful at playing Sol, easily top 3 Jedi for me ever, I've never seen a more emotional Jedi and I am firmly in the Sol Patrol myself, I could spend the rest of this damn review worshipping the ground he walks on and I am dead serious. 20/10! Manny Jacinto wild card you are my guy but what a treat to see him first in this role as Qimir, and some of you filthy people need therapy just saying, and very much like Lee I'm gonna hunt down some of his other work for sure. Charlie Barnett and Dafne Keen, welcome additions to the Jedi Order and boy did they impact this fandom something fierce while also having standout moments of their own! Shoutout to Jodie Turner-Smith, I love me some space witches in my Star Wars and that's some mom goals for me plus that design was impeccable! The series kinda knocked it outta the park with this casting. Also I want a PIP, I really really want a PIP droid to carry around with me everywhere. Galaxy's Edge hook me up! I'm still reeling a bit from the ending so I'm trying to focus but my mind is so scatterbrained I feel a lightning round is in order to just center myself. Breathe. Bazil is best boy, Cortosis making a comeback is awesome, Selkath spotted this is not a drill, episode 5 is jaw dropping and the best of the series, really want that cortosis helmet as well, light whip needed more time but friggin' sick it made the leap to live action after so long, witches who use the power of song in their magicks don't mind if I do keep it coming, also wanted more Wookiee Jedi in my life but hey I'll take it, lightsaber crystal bleeding hoo hoo mama you know what I like, stellar creature designs and animatronics, gorgeous scenery, and I literally did a spit take when (*CENSORED*) turned up. Is there anything I do not like? One thing, but I can get over it. We get a character who turns babyface at a point and it felt just a bit too quick for my liking, if they planted the seed and as the episodes progressed we watch it grow and bloom I wouldn't mind so much but again I at least understand the character motivation behind it so it's a whatever point. Apparently people got uppity about Carrie-Anne Moss not being prevalent but I haven't seen...any of her filmogrpahy now that I think about it so I was absent on that party. All I have left to say is Leslye thanks for taking up this project, you know how to gut punch like a champ, and made me question aspects of storytelling I never questioned before in Star Wars you're brutal and I love you for it. Satisfactory and entertaining I think, ballsy at times for sure, and I'll give it 3.5 stars, 8/10! Try review bombing that dipshits. 

Doctor Who: Series 14

It's series 14, don't even try me.

RUSSELL! I shout like a parent admonishing their child, a phrase frequent this series of Doctor Who as we finally get our first full series with Ncuti Gatwa and Millie Gibson. Now obviously from the Christmas special I was all on board, full steam ahead, let's frickin' do this, and I'm happy to announce it was a really good series! Not perfect, had some oddball stories at times, but came through in the end. I won't delve too much into the production so we can focus on story but needless to say the quality is high, inventive, and not just an overexpanded CG budget. It is unequivocally still Doctor Who even if it's pretty flashy. So huh, boy do we start the series proper in an interesting way with maybe the most ludicrous title in the show's history, Space Babies! There is without question or doubt in my mind the production team just wrapped up filming, and they're all sitting round table style figuring out what the best order to release the episodes in, obviously some have to come in a specific order but they're talking debut episode options and then most likely Russell slams his hand down on the table with a eureka(!) moment. We're airing Space Babies first. Because! This is the litmus test of the series, if you can roll with it and enjoy it then you are really going to like series 14, if not you can at least bail out now! And I will be so bold to say the story of the Doctor and Ruby babysitting talking infants a lá Baby Geniuses on a space station isn't even the one skippable episode for me, as is almost tradition with modern Doctor Who. It's fine, fun and fancy free, the interactions with Ruby and the Doctor are endearing and charming as all get out and will remain a stamp throughout the series. Like the mystery aspect, love the flat out dick moves by the Doctor here I mean geez louise he gets a bit dark here, and poor Millie had KY jelly just pour on her head and the girl deserves some props for that. The Devil's Chord is a romping good time with the Earth's music literally being consumed by a very Ursula style drag queen god known only as Maestro who is offspring from The Celestial Toymaker, as our fantastic Tardis team tries to restore musical balance starting with the fab four themselves The Beatles. Outrageous story, if you thought the goblin song was a one hit wonder clutch those pearls purists because we got more musical numbers here and beyond, great villain performance, more fourth wall breaks than you can shake a stick at, a gay old time to be had! Boom is a super interesting concept of what if the Doctor had to save the day but was stuck on a landmine the whole episode? Didn't fully deliver on the suspense and growing anxiety, nor did it really expand much it's a small scale story that could honestly be adapted to stage with ease, but (most) of the performances help it along. It's an average episode on a bit of shaky ground but it's passable. 73 Yards however has my vote for the one episode I will always skip, cause at first I'm rolling with it with this almost It Follows-esque plot of this strange figure that stalks Ruby with the Doctor nowhere to be found and it seems to start stepping into full blown horror territory, but then the episode shifts gears entirely and I'll admit I don't like the episode because of all the shit poor Ruby has to go through and for how long she goes through it, and the ending made even less sense in retrospect. Easily the blunder of the series. Dot And Bubble, was slightly vexing but intentionally so I mean I get it Russell you have commentary skills, not subtle ones but you got them, and again taking a Doctor lite episode with mainly Callie Cooke as our resident ditz/sociopath Lindy as the veil of terminally online social media is lifted only to find genuine real monsters in real life as the Doctor tries to lead everyone to safety. I rather despise social media more and more as I get older so this was slightly grating to watch these inane fools stumble about trying not to get eaten by slugs, it did have moments though that I liked but blimey near the end I was praying for a slow death to this colony. I know that's the intent, so bravo there team! Rogue...fucking. Goddamn. Masterpiece! The GOAT of the whole damn series in my opinion! Never have I laughed so hard and loved so much an episode of Doctor Who since well the recent Christmas special, a true period piece with a little alien lime twist as the Doctor and Ruby party it up like it's 1813 as shapeshifting aliens invade the grounds. Brilliant. Just the atmosphere of fun and humor made this an all time great for me, the character of Rogue and that shall we say intense relationship with the Doctor made my heart soar and maybe quiver a bit, and the bittersweet ending sealed the deal for me. And now the two part finale, really good buildup in the first part as we delve into figuring out the origin of Ruby Sunday as side story connecting tissue pushes the threat to the forefront and a true classic villain returns which admittedly made me want to watch the fantastic serial afterward, second part is still good but as any two parter in Doctor Who history loses some traction however there is a diabolically fiendish angle that the episode puts forth that really makes you look at the last 60 years of time and space differently. The resolution may not be foolproof but the ending and the fate of Ruby Sunday is again if I dare say, the best companion ending we've ever gotten both in classic and new eras. It's got that emotion down pat and of course, RUSSELL! Had to do a cliffhanger didn't you? Urrgh you're lucky I adore you! Speaking of adore, Ncuti my sweet handsome boy you never stopped bringing your all to this role and I haven't been so on board so quick with other Dr. Who's literally ever. The excitement, the plentiful amount of tears, even that rage and fury shine stunningly bright this series. I was rather upset to hear Millie was only on for the one series, cause the whole dynamic and chemistry between Ruby and the Doctor is nothing short of a treat! It took me awhile to find the right word to describe it but they have big sibling energy mixed with major time BFF energy, unparalledled love but not in a romantic sense it's more than that, the giddy joy of just travelling together, the comfort they give one another when the heartbreak hits, it's marvellous. She's marvellous and damn it she better not be gone forever! Can't get enough Bonnie Langford and Jemma Redgrave, those are my girls through and through and even if they're just present at the finale I don't care because I get to see them and that makes me happy. Shoutout to that dashing bastard Jonathan Groff for playing Rogue, yeah I'm all in favor for that man and he is another member for the hallowed halls of dream would be companion, and I do indeed hope as well that this is not the final goodbye for his character. Jinkx Monsoon holy moly, time of their life playing this bonkers villain Maestro and frankly I'm having a blast watching em' cause it's pretty far out there but nothing short of entertaining! Damn good variety of villains and though I need to rewatch the whole series again to see if the overarching villain from the finale story works and makes sense but I liked it fine this time. It's a very good solid continuation, has some small faults like every Doctor Who series, but enjoyable and fun overall. So thumbs up from me, 3.5 stars, 8/10!

And finally. Long have I waited for my most anticipated Star Wars series yet. Acolyte time baby!

Longlegs

Well that was fuggin' weeeeird!

About as weird as the trailer which caught my interest quick before it went off the rails and it gave me the heebie jeebies so why not go see it? I'm a bit bewildered, not too sure what to make of it, but I'm happy I saw it. Cause the movie starts like your typical psychological crime drama, flat out compared to Silence Of The Lambs in the trailer, but as we get nearer the end it just gets out there man and there are plenty a twist and turn few would catch so you never can guess how it ends. It is a sublimely shot film I'll say that for sure, switching from 8mm film to more standard modern cinematography, it has an uncanny ability to get under your skin though the movie isn't abrupt or in your face with it's horror. Sure there are instances of music stinger fueled jumpscares but a good majority of the film is silent with no score and just natural soundscape but when it hits, creepy as shit and you will feel that anxiety along with your pulse rise so sound design is excellent as well. The characters are a limited cast of only really 4 parts and it's hard to get a handle on them. Lee is our protagonist, a young FBI agent who is on the case of a satanic Zodiac style serial killer that has submerged ties with her past. Maika Monroe is really good in this and some may say her acting is subdued but I would call it more intensely subtle, she can show the emotion and fear when necessary, and it took me forever to figure out why I know that face. I'm an idiot! It's Jay from It Follows. Wild. I know a good bit of hubbub was made about Nic Cage being in a horror movie and his appearance is hush-hush but you'd be surprised how early you see him, and he's not only unrecognizable but he brings the crazy. That special kind of crazy where you laugh but you're still freaked the hell out. It's great! Batshit plot surrounding him to where even I'm questioning if it just goes straight out of the bounds of reality. It seems like it and there's supernatural stuff at play but it isn't focused on intentionally. It's supposed to be a WTF element which makes it scarier. The unknown is terrifying. I'm here for it! It's a wild ride and unnerving for sure, I dare almost say the real horror is subconscious if I was more of a snob than I already am. It's worth seeing regardless of at theater or at home, and I can recommend it. I give it 3 stars, 8/10! Now for the fun goodies next week.

Maxxxine

Not fully what I expected but I'll take it!

It certainly paid off watching all the movies chronologically because this movie wears it's references on it's sleeve and I feel caps off the trilogy just fine. Set in 1985 we catch up with Maxine in Hollywood California as she is starting to make the jump to feature films but a blackmail plot centering on her bloodsoaked past is about to blow the lid, and on those occasions well...it's time to make plans. Ever so slight misdirect in the trailers though, it kinda shoves the Night Stalker angle down your throat but it doesn't bear much semblance on the plot, more as a background incident that helps set the stage which the movie was awesome at, it gets you in the mindset and gives a brief overview of what was going down in that corner of history. The soundtrack, the fashion, the world events, and all those small details that an old ass nerd like me can pick up. At almost 2 hours without credits the film moves at a brisk pace showing the transition of Maxine from porno star to movie star, and the mental state she is in. I mean obviously if you survive the events of X you're gonna have some PTSD in some way, so I appreciate how much the filmmakers tied everything in a pretty little bow for us fans. I'm not certain if the film crew shot on proper 1980s film stock or cameras but it had that particular look about it while keeping the modern techniques as with Pearl. I do ever so slightly sense this movie may not grab everyone how the last two movies did, but really the quality has barely shrunk. Mia is still a great lead and getting to see her achieve movie stardom gives her enough material to work with, plus she's just a fucking mental badass at points like my God! Girl has got issues but those moments were my cup of tea. It really is her film but the supporting cast of characters do fine work, from her agent played by Giancarlo (still the man), to her video store metal friend played by Moses Sumney who had my vote for best character, to just the messenger private eye of the blackmailer played by Kevin Bacon, some shine brighter than others but all did very well. It doesn't truly fit that horror vibe as the others which may contribute further to it being the black sheep of the series, it fits more a mystery drama but it got no problem showing some visceral detailed gore. I'll admit straight up to you this is the weakest entry in the trilogy, but it's still getting a good ass score! If you're a fan you'll no doubt enjoy it a great deal and if not you can walk away entertained regardless. I give it 3.5 stars, 8.5/10! A very good week, and next week will be limited to one review but I got some shows coming up for you so I'll need the time. By all means give it a watch and let me know which is your favorite, if I had to pick I'd probably go with X myself. So be safe, stay fit, stay sharp, make good decisions and I'll see you in a week!

In Retrospect: X

Still pretty friggin' good!

I feel so justified doing a little marathon this week and watching these movies again! X dude, X. That shit is mm, just right. It's certainly more eye opening and even more appreciated if you watch it after Pearl. So I guess the paralyzingly fierce breakdown smile made Howard stick around for about 60 odd years, and it is so damn interesting to see that shift with these characters go from mostly innocent young lovers torn apart by the Great War to flat out serial killer married couple, it is just wow! Despite the heavy prosthetics used for Pearl and Howard you get a lot of emotion and readable facial acting, and I still fucking stand and applaud the movie Citizen Kane style for just taking the time and humanizing them. It would have been easier done than said to just make them a creepy old murdering odd couple, but we get just a smidge of insight into their lives and relationship and it makes the film a cut above the rest in my opinion. It's shot with love and affection in that 70s style but never loses it's modern cinematography footing, there's some good shots and great use of color from time to time. I am rather curious what the overall visual flair will be for Maxxxine, cause Pearl was Wizard Of Oz as all get out, X had more than a healthy dose of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and I have no clue what the overarching homage will be but I'm excited. Hands down best scene of the movie still to this day for me is that brutal first murder, it is gruesomely practical but just the music and the lighting and the dance....whoa man. Not only did it send shivers down my spine in the bestest way possible, but there were tears welling up in my eyes and I cannot explain for the life of me why they did, I had no clue murder could be so beautiful. That's a weird sentence to say but I felt how I felt. It is goddamn art in my opinion from the neck stab to the van engine being shut off. There was a vision to this in all aspects, not to outshine or to reinvent the wheel, but to do it to the best of their ability. You wanna know what the one single friggin' thing I did NOT like about this movie was? I hated the posters and promotional images. Like really? That's all you had for the majority was a still frame of Jenna Ortega mid scream?? It sucks and I never liked it and I saw it way too often. You know an image that might catch my attention? That freaky ass silhouette of Pearl carrying a pitchfork like some wraith-like witch, that is awesome! And I'll level with you right here right now, I forgot what the ending was. I didn't know who was gonna live or die, so I was along for the ride one last time. I know, it's a little obvious but I had a lapse in mental faculties which let's be honest ain't nothing new here! Good times be had, I am never not in the mood to listen to some 70s baby making music, let's flipping do this Friday!

In Retrospect: Pearl

You absolute madman Ti!

Sweet friggin' lord this has lost none of it's potency in 2 years time, and I haven't seen it since it hit theaters mainly because I knew this day would come when the end would be near for this trilogy though I'll admit it hasn't left my memory that's for damn certain. But on the rewatch and knowing everything that occurs, I did get more out of it. I strongly believe a theater going or really just any first time watch experience is a reactionary experience, and the more you see a film the more you can read into it. The story of Pearl and how it comes to pass by the time end credits roll is simultaneously relatable and also just disturbing, because of how her character is potrayed you want the best for her in life even when you know it's just not. I'm not gonna get all psychoanalyzing on this or anything, but I get it I even sort of get why she pitchforks people, and the performance given is still the high bar if I've ever seen one. Mia my God, the raw emotion we get out of her here is truly striking and I can't wait to see what she brings to the table in Maxxxine! I did get a hell of a lot more out of her parents in this movie, not that they were bad the first time around but getting a chance to dig into just the state of mind showed so much more. The mom is a lot to handle and it does tip toe into slight Carrie territory at times, but the perspective of her and her life with a humanizing moment does make you feel at least a bit sad that she gets torched and kicked down some stairs. Likewise for the dad who big time props need to go to that actor, man didn't have a line and had to just body language that part and was so good at it, you can see the heartbreak and fear in his eyes when things go south and it packs a punch. I also just appreciate the fact it's a horror movie that doesn't really turn into a horror movie until about the halfway point, it's a slow escalation of events but that doesn't mean the suspense isn't present beforehand. You're almost constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and she takes an axe to someone's face, it's very nicely done on the pacing side of things. Will fully admit though I thought the whole umm...scarecrow scene was later on, naw that weird ass shit was not even at the 20 minute mark. Granted you have my respect and bewildering admiration for not only going that far but finding an actress game enough to do it, so fair play to you ya buncha' weirdos. I've seen stranger, but not much! I am ridiculously curious what people think of this movie if it's the first one they see, most of us had the benefit of seeing X first so I can't imagine what people's impression is just going into this blind. Do they love it or hate it? Might need to research that. Ending shot still fucking floors me, not since Malcolm Mcdowell staring straight through my soul at the end of Caligula have I seen a final shot quite like that, and yeah that was an experience in the theater I can tell you that right now! It is an offbeat film but one I still very much enjoy and am happy to have watched again, the score remains the same with a 9/10, and now we travel onwards to X which again I haven't seen since opening day so this is a whole ass trip so stick around and I'll see you Wednesday!

A Quiet Place Day One

Okay what the fuck, it was actually good??

In fact if I'm being completely honest with you, it's...kinda amazing. I'm almost stunned shitless writing that but it's true! Like every single aspect just about is exponentially improved over the last two films, now the only thing I truthfully want from this series is I wanna know where and how the aliens got here to Earth. Probably the only person who wants that but I'm curious damn it! But the story here and more importantly how that story is told, if you cut out the monsters this could be a hardcore heartfelt drama! I'm so not even kidding, this film sucker punched me right in the feels and I was so on board before even the first 5 minutes. We follow Sam a young woman who unfortunately is in Hospice care when the event occurs as she makes the decision to trek to Harlem for pizza, finally a goal and direction(!), and she eventually meets a young man named Eric who I think is pretty firmly on the spectrum as they sneak and avoid the creatures in the city that never sleeps. It may seem quite humorous that the endgame is New York pizza and it is a little funny but shit, that is something I can 1000% get behind and the character moments we get from point A to B almost at times make you forget you are watching A Quiet Place. I'm so not even kidding, this is an emotionally investing film and I tell you now without witness and without reward that this damn movie made me cry. The tears welled up in my eyes and a few rolled down my cheeks, I won't spoil it but it was ridiculously sweet and endearing. I can't remember the last time I saw horror movie characters I cared about so strongly, just the performances from Lupita (I love that girl to bits!) and Joseph (whoa dude you were good!) my God they were acting their hearts out here. Marvellous news everyone! The cat is fine, in fact this was one of the most intuitive cats I've ever seen in storytelling and knowing cats can't be trained at flippin' all, congrats to the film crew for making it happen! Shock of all shocks though, no stupid nonsense to behold in this movie it's pretty rock solid from start to finish. Either that or I was so emotionally invested and entertained that I didn't notice. Perhaps I've jumped dimensions once more because this is unbelievable. It was so damn good, no scratch that it was great! I'm still reeling from that fact but whoever it was that answered my prayer for a good movie, just know I said thanks and I'll buy you lunch! Pizza on me. No horseshit Jack. See it, just go see it. Maybe bring some earplugs though cause the theater I went to see it at every loud noise was like a fucking landmine going off, shockwave included, and the movie indulges in some jumpscare tactics so brace for impact if you go over the weekend! So yeah all time high for the week, two big thumbs up from me, 4 stars, 9/10! And we get to revisit and experience the end of one of the strangest yet grand horror trilogies next week.

A Quiet Place Part 2

It probably didn't help I was in an angry mood before sitting down to watch this.

But at the exact same time, I have walked into many a film on a wide range of emotions and the movie (depending on the subject matter) can make me glad or sad. I'm still not 100% behind this film series yet it kinda gave me what I wanted in the first movie. So we pick up literally after the end of the first film with our family unit leaving the farm and making tracks to...somewhere. They don't really have a goal or destination until maybe halfway through, and eventually the group splits with the mom Evelyn hunkering down in an underground safe room while Regan treks out into the world to use her feedback weapon to even the playing field. I think my biggest issue with this series thus far besides the family who still makes brain aneurysm type STUPID decisions, is just the simple fact that there's no...there's no plot! There's no goal, there's no beginning/middle/end where you want to see where it goes. This works so much better as an idea than a film, these lanky ass aliens crash on earth and they hunt and kill through sound alone because they are blind. That's like a short story, not one let alone two feature films! Now maybe I just don't get these semi or full on apocalyptic, earth shattering, survival heavy stories, I just don't watch that shit. I don't have a problem with them, but they are far down the list on the types of films and shows I watch. It's really just down to the lack of story and characters why I'm not too keen on this. Direction and cinematography, is good and looks great at instances! Acting wise, pretty friggin' solid and these people are acting their asses off. Effects, pretty much on par with the first film but those were still good effects. Sound design is damn near flawless, how it swaps from chaotic sound to whoomp unearthly silence is spot on. The new bits we get in terms of the aliens and the worldbuilding are fine additions. But my dear sweet baby Moses there is the epitome of contrived shit in this script, I can scarcely believe it. There is no, zero, nada, zilch, objectifiable reason why these things happen! You know why? Because the fucking script said so. Also on that same topic I almost feel they fiddled with how the whole sound thing works, maybe I'm wrong but I swear in the first movie just any modicum of sound, didn't have to even be loud was game over, but here it kinda ping pongs back and forth where it has to be loud loud like a scream or something breaking to attract the creatures and then like a door hinge squeaks a bit than all hell is about to break loose. Now I know sound is unique to the proximity of you and the environment but I just feel they got away with so much more noise in this movie than previously established. This is an aggravating movie series but not in an overt way, it chips away bit by bit, just fucking picking at you to where you start questioning things that shouldn't be a part of the equation and your blood vessels contract in your head and pretty soon you need some acetaminophen. However! The movie gets points for doing what I wanted it to do, Regan out alone trying to survive. A deaf girl surrounded by sound hunting monsters. And even though she is accompanied by someone, Cillian Murphy has a very good yet albeit brief relationship with her, this kind of neurotic guy who doesn't know Sign is helping this girl make it to her next destination. I like that! I was having a good time with that storyline, it wasn't perfect but I'll damn well take it! Didn't like the ending though, same shit as the last movie, whoop-de-doo! We made like two steps of progress in a 1,000 mile marathon. God you have no idea how much I'm holding out for Day One, we're away from the idiots and we got a new cast, new location, it's interesting to see in depth how this cataclysm began, I will fucking torch the goddamn theater and raze this movie to absolute ashes if anything happens to the cat, please please let it be good! 2.5 stars, 6/10, slight improvement and I'll see you Friday.

BONUS: Rite Here Rite Now

A surprise to be sure but a welcome one.

I have no issue stating upfront this whole week would have sucked royally had this movie not come out and I went to go see it. Sooo...how do I explain Ghost? Well it's a swedish band that easily has the catchiest songs I've heard quite possibly in my life (aside from Black Sabbath) and almost all of them focus on Satan, but don't let that deter you if you are religious. The band doesn't take themselves seriously and have fun with it all tongue in cheek style, but they take the musical quality very seriously. It's also the only band I know of that has it's own lore, now I'm not talking pseudonyms like Quorthon or Starchild, or like easter eggs on the album cover, I mean they have a mythos that has been woven and expanded upon since 2010. Centering on the frontman and lead singer Papa Emeritus a Pope like figure with several iterations, and the bandmates themselves hidden in anonymity as Nameless Ghouls craft rocking and effortlessly ear worming songs. The movie focuses more on the music, with pepperings of plot (though it's still greatly substantial to us hardcore fans) taking place the last night of their tour in Los Angeles. This is perfect for me because I don't know if I'll ever have the chance to go to a ritual so this covers that! Plus the overall production taping the concert was excellent, I'll admit the editing was that highly kinetic fast but sharp style so it was hard to get a full wide shot of the stage and grasp the atmosphere, but I feel the filmmakers did just fine with the camera placement and direction, also props to the road crew who made it all happen on tour, and in my limited experience of watching recorded performances I can't complain. I truthfully did expect a good mix or even more emphasis on storyline but the bits we did get, showed off the humor that the band is well known for and even dare I say beautifully introspective. Easily the best part of the movie is Emeritus talking to his biological Papa (my favorite of them all just for the record) about very existential topics, who runs the show, what happens after you die, typical mysteries of life stuff but the response he gets back is nothing short of wise and it's a belief I've held for a long time and has only been reinforced since seeing this. It's very insightfully written and worded to where anyone can grasp it, to crudely summarize you can't worry about the past or fret over the future and what matter is right here right now. It's not in your face but that message pervades the whole film, to just live to the best of your ability. It certainly made my heart soar during those parts. And yeah I'll admit, a tear was shed during one of the songs so hey let's talk about them. The setlist for the concert was very very good, representing all 5 albums the group has released with a good portion of my favorites like Miasma, Respite On The Spitalfields, Call Me Little Sunshine, Kiss The Go-Goat, and If You Have Ghost which was the standout live performance for me hands down and got me emotional. But holy mackerel was it completely awesome to hear all those tracks with proper theater sound equipment. Feet were tapping, lyrics were lip synced, it was a good time even though the atmosphere of the screening room was more movie than concert but fun regardless. It was great to see so many people decked out in merch and having a real good time with the film. I mean it's about as niche as you can get when you break it down, but Ghost has a lot of fans worldwide and continues to grow today. Hell I've only been a fan since October of 2022 but it's top two bands for me! So I can't recommend it for everyone, I don't think I can even recommend it to a new fan just starting out to avoid confusion on the plot parts, I just wanted an excuse to gush about some great music and give another review to make up for last week. I know some fans would question the existence of a recorded concert packaged as a movie but considering I had to wait about 4 to 5 years to own The Phantom Of The Opera musical on DVD, that point is moot. I give it 4 stars, 9/10!