Forbidden Fruits

Fuck me this movie infuriated me.

It's not even bad, far from it actually! But holy fuckaroli did half our main cast just piss me off, which in all reality means the performances were damn good. If someone can make you run a gambit of emotions with a performance including rage, that is a great performance! So the story goes a new girl who works at a mall is quickly inaugurated in a bitchy coven where over the course of several months it starts breaking down and ends in blood. Props for all the Texas love, but I'm still iffy on this film. Let's just get into the nitty gritty here folks, the cast. Major hardcore props to all the actresses who bring so much personality and even dramatics to the role! We have Lola Tung as new girl Pumpkin, and I was not expecting her arc going from a rather sweet and inexperienced at life girl into for lack of a better word the second worst monster of the film. Cause you think oh she's gonna challenge the hierarchy and be a positive force who eventually will have to fight the head of the coven but she degenerates into a blackmailing and sort of still complicit member so there is no catharsis found there. Then we have the bane of my existence Apple played to stunning perfection by Lili Reinhart. This...fucking...****. It has been ages since I have utterly despised a character more, a true masterclass in manipulation, fear mongering, bitchiness, and pure control freak behavior. It's truly a marvel to behold and once again no catharsis or justice found with her journey, which nearly made me torch the theater. But like I said, fantastic performance to even illicit such feelings so brava to you my dear! Then we move onto to Alexandra Shipp as Fig, who really is the first fracture in the coven wanting to branch out and do her own thing and her brief moments of relationships and interests were nice to see, and Alexandra was a joy to watch! Last but not at all least we have Victoria Pedretti as Cherry who at first seems like a total ditzy blonde but has the largest arc and really is the star of the dramatics due to her character's tragic past, just damn she really kinda swept me off my feet and easily was my favorite of the group! Well done and high praise to all these fine actors who really and truly carry the film in it's entirety on their backs. But yeahhhh, I was not thrilled with where this story went. It moves at a brisk pace and has decent production values with some good gore effects, pretty decent comedy, hell I was digging the shit out of the soundtrack, and a message I've never truly seen in cinema: Toxic femininity. But I'm so split down the middle with it! In terms of production it's like a 7.5/10, but in terms of enjoyment it's like a 3/10. So what the hell do I even give this? It's not a movie I'd really watch again, but that doesn't mean it's bad. It's not, it is a very well acted, well directed movie that just so happened to make me rage at a screen which I haven't done in a long while. It's certainly memorable! So ehh, I'll give it...2.5 stars, 6.5/10, with a caveat the size of the goddamn Grand Canyon.

Class Of Nuke Em' High

Boy high school in the 80s really must have been a different beast.

Made just 2 years after Toxic Avenger Troma set it's sights on a less than traditional teen story involving a nuclear power plant woefully administered and spreading radioactive material to the less than quarter mile away high school leading to mutations, freak outs, and a monster in the basement. Now admittedly this didn't grab me in an iron clad vise like Toxie but don't let that discourage you, it's still a decent movie that's more for the fun of it all than to tell a strong story. It still has that off the wall Troma humor that you would expect as we see the various groups of students interact, our mostly straight laced couple Chrissy and Warren, the class clown Eddie, and the punked out rebels stirring shit constantly the Cretins. Again pushing the environmental message of Toxic Avenger and shows just how easy contamination can occur with nuclear waste, but thankfully in a fun campy way and not the slit your wrists horrific dread of Chernobyl. I do like our leads a fair bit with Chrissy getting my vote for best character and she's quite a screamer to boot, the Cretins though not as ridiculously overblown as the antagonists in Toxic Avenger have their moments and it must have been grand to act these roles, and I will be straight up the mutated monster design is honestly one of the best and most original I have seen in recent memory almost to the point I could recommend watching it just for that alone! The plot progression might seem meandering and there is hardcore setup/payoff moments but it really will depend on what keeps your attention, and for me it semi did. I was never bored with it and had a few good laughs so it's far from fluff! They definitely had more of a budget for effects and some of them are pretty damn amazing in my eyes, the cast looks like they were having some fun bringing these characters to life, and I truly did want to see just how it would all end. I am happy I saw it, and no doubt it has a good deal of fans, but it was just decent for me. 2.5 stars, 6/10, and we enter the 90s next time.

Doom

Yyyeah that's about what I expected.

It's an early 2000s video game adaptation, they tried admittedly but it ain't all that and a bag of chips. I am kinda new to the Doom thing, played a good few levels of the first, beat the 2016 and Doom Eternal games that was a lot of fun and a wonderful de-stresser, and I'm fairly pumped for The Dark Ages so I figured it was worth at least a look into the movie. Now let's just be on the level here there isn't much plot in Doom, even novelizations of Doom are just demon, bang bang, moving on. So it's not a hard story to botch...but. The movie isn't bad, but it ain't too friggin' great either. Set in the fairly distant future of 2046 where humans have set up a research station on Mars where oopsy daisy we unearthed some evil and a tactical team of marines are transported there essentially to rescue scientists before getting knee deep in the dead. Serviceable story, but the devil is in the details and that's where the score wanes a bit. Admittedly the cast is decent with Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike, Dwayne Johnson, Richard Brake, and Deobia Oparei with some admittedly acting better than others but they get the job done. I will give a good amount of respect and props for the singular fact that the director of the movie wanted to do as much in camera, it could have been absurdly simple to take the easy way out and CG the bejeezus out of this movie but you get plenty of sets that are fairly extensive, full on creature suits from Stan Winston's company, and only usage of CG when it's necessary. That is some commendable shit for 2005, and for a video game adaptation at that! I'm not sure if Doom 3 had much influence on the movie with it being released a year beforehand, but this leans more towards the "horror" than the action. And I use bunny ears there because it's the most lackluster horror in a horror movie I've ever seen if you even want to call it that. My biggest gripe about the movie is the demons, or aliens, or whatever the fuck they are cause they're not from Hell, interesting designs admittedly but I have never seen a bigger batch of wimps in my life. You're demons, you don't run and sneak attack if someone shoots at you, you disembowl them and chew on their eyes! Like seriously the action is so just not good, this is DOOM we are talking about and the gunplay is below average. I understand they only had so much budget and couldn't do a shooting range with 20 monsters in a room with explosive barrels and all that, but it needed to pump that energy up. At the start okay fine, you need some buildup and mystery. But the action if anything should have escalated to a fever pitch as the movie progressed to the one on one boss fight essentially. But it's much of the same, wandering ill lit hallways and trying desperately to even see a monster let alone make it swiss fucking cheese. Even when they do a first person view with some shooty action near the end it's less Doom and more interactive DVD menu. But they did put effort into it, this wasn't a cash grab with a big middle finger to the audience and fans, even if everything didn't work it's not a terrible film. Honestly my feelings can be summed up in the box office revenue, the film had a budget of $60 million and the box office gross was $58 million. So close, just a little off, nearly but no cigar. That sums it up. And I wasn't hopping in here ready to be blown away or expecting something grand, I just gotta call it like I see it. I would rather just watch someone play Doom for about 90 minutes, but that's just me. I'm sure there's a fan of it somewhere and I won't put you down man. It's a decent movie but I have no urge to watch it again, so I give it 2 stars, 5.5/10!

The Raven

Not a traditional horror film per se, but this has been a favorite of mine and damn it I want to talk about it.

For the longest time this was the only Roger Corman Poe film I saw and I love it so, this ain't no objective film review so hunker down y'all as I spout off some opinions. This is also the loosest adaptation of any work of fiction I have ever seen, how do you make a feature film off of a short poem? The short answer, you don't. The long answer, you center the movie on magic wielding wizards consisting of Vincent Price as Erasmus who aids Peter Lorre as Dr. Bedlo who has been transformed into a raven by Boris Karloff as Dr. Scarabus, but Lorre wants revenge real bad so Vincent accompanies him to Karloff's castle where duels are challenged, dead wives return to life, and humor is peppered throughout. It is a really funny movie to me, that may throw people for a loop when most of the Corman movies of this time period are played straight and serious, but this was an intentional choice of the writers and works nicely. Now you don't get three of the biggest names in horror together in a film and say the acting is bad, Vincent is on a roll in this film from reciting the world famous poem, to the humor, to the magic wielding that would put Doctor Stephen Strange to shame, he's a 20/10. Boris Karloff nearing the end of his career has lost none of his ability, showing a lot of class and charisma while still being a good antagonist, and I'll level with you man the first lines he speaks do nothing but send shivers down my spine in a most eerie way. Peter Lorre while in actuality not as prolific in horror movie history as one might think is a welcome addition, delivering his rapid fire burning insults and wise ass remarks and while he is the lesser of the powers that be in this wizard triumvirate the movie would not be the same without him. For those in the know about Roger Corman's history, to see a very young Jack Nicholson before he got to super stardom is really neat to see even if he doesn't have that big of a role, and you see interviews of him being humbled to the point of tears in thanking Roger giving him a chance to act when no one else would and I have to express a lot of love and gratitude to him as well for getting so many people into movie making. I'm not a book critic by even a microscopic capacity but I recommend you read Corman's book, How I Made A Hundred Movies In Hollywood And Never Lost A Dime. Once again the sets and costuming are most impressive, and the effects while not exactly seamless have a strong charm all of it's own. And now comes the part where I say without a shred of irony or exaggeration, these wizard duels are better than anything Harry Potter ever gave us. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not taking it back. Don't @ me bitches! I adore it, there is creativity, humor, and ambition in how they did everything. I'll even push that envelope further and say 4 stars, 10/10! Watch it, buy it, love it. But we got one more to go before the week is out, until next time.

A Haunting In Venice

You know I never would have suspected this series of films would be day one theater attendees, but here we are again.

When I saw Murder On The Orient Express way back in 2017 I liked it a fair bit but kinda wrote it off as a one and done, then just last year (though it seems longer) Death On The Nile came around and I was fairly interested to see it, and I think at this point with A Haunting In Venice I'm just kinda here for the Poirot films. Hell the idea of a Poirot detective story set around some spooky stuff is pretty definitively up my alley, and I'm happy to say it delivers on both respects. The year is 1947 and Hercule Poirot is retired in Venice when on All Hallow's Eve is dragged into more or less debunking a famous medium but then wouldn't you know it, a murder occurs and I'll give the film a good bit of credit for this because the case is in such supernatural waters Poirot puts up his belief in God or not depending on if he can solve the case and see definite proof of spirits. I can't say I've ever heard a crisis of faith is determined on solving a murder case so points for originality. And the film gives a good bit of atmosphere, some spookiness, and mercifully not many jumpscares! The murder and investigation I'll admit is not airtight, the movie isn't quite 2 hours so we get a lot of motive and backstory in fairly quick succession almost at the drop of a hat, but it nevertheless held my attention to the end and I somehow picked the murderer out albeit about 2 seconds before it was revealed. If this was to be the last Branagh Poirot film I'd honestly have to rewatch them all to pick overall best, but this isn't bad. The style still fits previous installments, it's directed well, the editing is sharp, and the scenery of Venice is always nice to look at. The cast is solid in particular Kenneth and Jude Hill, though Michelle Yeoh is a win always and forever! And while the bevy of characters don't get much in terms of depth and background, I'm truthfully not expecting complex three dimensional characters in a murder mystery so you take it or leave it. I'm happy with it, I love the more horror edge to it, I'm always down for a mystery and when you set one on Halloween night you got me hook, line, and sinker. I give it a solid 3 stars, 7.5/10, worth viewing in the theater I think. Next week Expendables 4, please for the love of Christ let it be better than 3!!

Batman The Doom That Came To Gotham

I'm not entirely sure where I stand with this.

When I saw the trailer I thought, oh shit yeah Gotham By Gaslight meets H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulu mythos, sign me the hell up! I mean what a fascinating idea, to do a late 19th/early 20th century story where Batman has to stop some whacked out cult from essentially doing what Rasputin was trying to do in Hellboy and summon some Outer God leviathan to our realm, that's a solid ass plot that I think is awesome! That really is not entirely the movie I got, and I truthfully 100% can absolutely see this from both sides. There's Batman iconography present, you do get some of the characters but they pretty much take the lore, throw it up in the air, watch it fall into a shredder, and take a flamethrower to it just for good measure. I kind of expected this to follow the Gotham By Gaslight adaptation with Bruce Greenwood returning, but it's an entirely other adaptation of a comic I had no clue existed until the credits rolled, and it's just so fundamentally different to an almost extreme level. On one hand I kinda appreciate that, they don't do some partially by the numbers Batman movie and do so much original and innovative things with the concept of these characters but at the exact same time it's such a radical change that it's almost alienating even to a hardcore fan like me. I know they wanted to tell a grand epic story mixing and melding these two very different worlds together but I think the direction was in the wrong place while their hearts were in the right place. And the same goes for the Cthulu mythos themselves, it takes pre-established facts about these enormously unnatural beings and kinda just wanted to use the imagery but not the essence of those literary sources. Bruce stares down an outer god not once but twice and retains his sanity almost fully, and I'm like.....???? Beg pardon? Cause that's kinda what they do, that's part of the horror of it all to see such overwhelmingly just unearthly creatures to where your mind can't process it and you go insane instantly. When fucking Bird Box does a better job with this shit, I don't think you get it. I really do think this is a film that appeased neither fandom and falls through the cracks. And yet there are aspects I quite like! I think the animation is very solid, I like the idea that Talia and Ra's are the head of the cult trying to summon Yog-Sothoth pretty much, I like how Etrigan comes into play he fits perfectly with this kind of story, seeing the steampunk detailing for the gadgets are fucking sick honestly, even just as simple of a concept as Batman having to utilize science to fight magic is fascinating. There are little gold nuggets here and there, and you could tell they were onto something good but it came apart at the seams. That sucks man. Especially when the story really didn't seem that hard to fuck up. Craft a story where Bruce returns to Gotham and becomes the Batman, have him wander across a truly disturbingly brutal ritualistic killing case, do some detective work into the Cthulu mythos that leads him perhaps to Ra's perhaps to some Otherworld's variant of the Court Of Owls, he learns their plan, you pepper in some fights against henchmen and maybe individuals who enhance themselves with dark magic throughout the movie, maybe he employs the help of Jason Blood at one point to equip Batman with some magical protective gear, they go stop the ritual midway as this multi-eyed tentacled creature is coming through a portal, bada-boom! Perfect! End of movie. Brevity is the soul of wit, you keep it nice and simple and it most likely will turn out good! So I can't fullheartedly recommend it to fans novice or experienced in either camp, but it certainly isn't horrible either. I give it 2 stars, 5.5/10. We got some more horror stuff so fingers crossed and I will see you next time.

The Sandman: Season 1

This might go on a bit.


Story time! What seems a long time ago I was made aware of an author by the name of Neil Gaiman through an episode of Doctor Who and all the big talk around that episode of such a prolific writer known noticeably by a work called The Sandman. Years passed and through bits and bobs of internet existence, more details of this world came to light, with the two biggest ones being an issue by the title of 24 Hours and the character previously discussed on this show. And one day I decided to do something. Still early years of writing reviews but I took 7 days out of my life, went to the local Barnes & Noble, sat in a comfy chair, and digested 10 volumes of The Sandman. It is not only the only true comic series I have read (not counting graphic novels and one shot adaptations), but also the only comic series I own. Hell, I even re-read the entire series I think either before or during the release of this show. You do not fuck me about with The Sandman. Let us begin. This show was really good. I won't become a counterbalance comparing source material with adaptation, but just know even though they make changes they are not bad changes. So....how to briefly explain Sandman? Well! Seven anthropomorphized personifications known as The Endless govern each of their spheres according to title, in particular Dream who is torn from his reality and imprisoned by magic practicing humans for over a century. Once he finally achieves an escape, he goes on a quest to retrieve his items that were stolen leading him to face a demon hunter by the surname of Constantine, a mental patient that uses his powerful item to wreak havoc, and the quite literal hordes and lord of Hell. There's more to it, but why spoil everything presented? I scarcely know where to begin now. I shall note that the first season comprises 2 of the 10 volumes spanning eleven episodes, but I'll add an addendum and say the 11th episode is a bonus episode not the finale. And it moves at a very well done pace I thought. I honestly forgot at times I was watching a series because it does have a cinematic quality to the production! I feel the casting was super well done. With great love going to many including Tom Sturridge, who really encompasses the voice and was the big deciding factor on my enjoyment of this series but I'm happy to report he did wonderful, bringing a lot more humanizing and less apathetic qualities to Morpheus. Boyd Holbrook as the monstrous nightmare creature the Corinthian I'll admit didn't fully have me sold first I saw him, but by episode 7 he hit that stride and became such a great villain to boo and hiss at. Vivienne Acheampong as Lucienne, one of many examples of Rule 63 in the show, was a bright and welcome addition to the Dreaming and having such strong chemistry with Tom, she was grand. I know people maybe might have given Gwendoline Christie some grief as playing Lucifer Morningstar, but to be perfectly honest I can't fathom any text that specifically said Lucifer was a guy and angels don"t exactly have genitalia so screw it. I felt she has that perfect cherub face and slick fashion sense, and conveys the literal ruler of Hell incredibly well, she kinda is a bit unnerving to watch! I was so looking forward to the appearance of my dear sweet king Gilbert, like seriously this guy is my favorite male character of the series, and when I saw Stephen Fry I flipped man. Flawless casting! And last but never everrrrr least, Kirby Howell-Baptiste as my one and only, Her Majesty of the Sunless Lands, Death. I...guys. Here I go again! Have. To. Maintain. Composure. The fact we get her for one episode is criminal but she is a passing, more sporadic appearing character in the comics so I get it, but she did so well! Oh my God, her episode is hands down the best and real talk here, got me surprisingly emotional like a LOT, tears slipped down my cheeks! To see a story I adore so much come to life on the screen I've just never experienced that until this point in my life. She's pure 10/10 and I can't wait to see Kirby again in this show. Also shoutout to my guy Patton Oswalt, wonderful to see you as always and will continue to be until, if the gods are kind, the series finale. I think this is the most lavishly produced Netflix show I've ever seen but truth be honest, I don't watch Netflix like I used to and I certainly haven't seen an original show of theirs until Rilakkuma And Kaoru, but for such a visually rich and uberly imaginative series like The Sandman they did do a competent and well done job on crafting the worlds, the props, conveying the sense of a dream, costumes, all that stuff! I couldn't even imagine how much more colorful and wild it would be if this was an animated series, but the leap to live action is a brave one and apparently from what I've heard of past Netflix created live action counterparts to stuff [cough cough] umm...yeah. So I'm counting my lucky stars and giving thanks for this series to have even begun, let alone do well enough more is on the way. And boy, knowing the things I know that are coming up makes my imagination race figuring out how they're going to do it and what they might change up. Unlike others I welcome change and crafting of new elements for an adaptation, because I mean really, what do you get out of watching an adaptation where you know precisely what is going to happen every second? Keep me on my toes, shuffle stuff, drop stuff, recast people! I enjoy that engagement of, where is it going next? And I enjoy even more not having the answer. Volume 3 of the comics is an interesting collection of one shot stories, technically they've already done half of them in the bonus 11th episode, so what does that entail for season 2? Do we finish them off first episode, throw them in as another bonus episode, maybe drop it all together? No clue. But wait until you see what the Morningstar has cooked up for the Dream Lord, it is a trip! But before I go off on a tangent and spoil something, final scores on the boards. I give it 4 stars, 8.5/10! A super solid beginning to a world of dreams and nightmares. We'll be slipping back into exclusively movie reviews next week with examples from a much visited and beloved animation studio.

Phantom Of The Paradise

Hwhat was even that?

I'm almost at a loss for words, I can't honestly believe how long it took me to finally sit down and watch this movie. Obviously with my severe love of Phantom Of The Opera once many moons ago I heard of this movie, I've seen only a handful of reviews of it so I was walking into this movie pretty much knowing all the major plot beats. So you would think I would have a fair bit to say but I'm floundering here a wee bit. This is a bizzare movie, it's Phantom inspired of course and I could connect the dots from this movie to the source material and all the adaptations more than you can shake a stick at, but it really and truly is a beast all of it's own. Which is odd because I see clear and evident inspirations of Phantom, Faust, even Rocky Horror which didn't even come out until the next year in 1975. It's a smidge campy, a musical, a satire/commentary on the music industry, and a batshit very loose adaptation of Phantom. So the story takes more inspiration from the Claude Rains version as an aspiring composer Winslow Leach has his life's work of a cantata stolen by record mogul Swan to be used in opening his venue the Paradise, and later when he sets out to sabotage the record factory gets horribly disfigured, steals a costume from the Paradise, and terrorizes the venue....for like two scenes. This is where the Leroux Phantom stuff ends, and you're either gonna hate it or love it because of that. Swan basically manipulates Winslow to compose more music with the notion of it being performed by Winslow's love interest/pupil/inspiration Phoenix, and quite literally has Winslow sell his soul to Swan and his record company. I swear I'm not on acid as I write this but by the end of the movie it almost felt like I was. There's actually a fair bit to talk about but this may get disjointed and rambling, so fair warning ye who enter here. Brian DePalma directs, and this was before Carrie but he utilizes the same split screen multi-camera technique seen near the end of Carrie, and that is only the beginning of the camera work being wild in this movie. Films made in modern day wish they could have shots and cinematography like this movie, when the most artsy and experimental they get is a 360° revoultion shot. I'm serious man, like this is almost award winning camera work. There's always mirrors in the background, there's lots of handheld shots, there's flat out a POV Halloween sequence 4 years before Halloween! It's kind of amazing. I think the commentary on the music industry truthfully works better now than back then, and yeah this is a movie unashamedly 70s in every aspect which I'm all there for personally. Paul Williams is such an interesting choice for a villain, but my God does he look like he's having a terrific time playing this devilish oddball of a record producing king. William Finley though not taking up a lot of screentime doing phantomy things is regardless very memorable and does do a good job with the material. Jessica Harper, man that girl can sing good and while she's probably one of the weaker Christine variants she does admirable work the whole way through. Speaking of singing, this soundtrack. F*** me, I beyond any doubt love this soundtrack! It's somewhat in the funky 70s spectrum but when you hear William and Paul sing, and I think that's such a cool effect how when Winslow sings you hear both his and Swan's voice mixed together, it's very timeless sounding with often just piano music for the instrumentation. No joke I had tracks of the soundtrack on my phone before I even saw the movie, that's how good we're talking here. It's an odd fascinating movie to watch but it's influence and love is found in surprising places, Nicolas Cage said this was his favorite Brian DePalma movie and Daft Punk flat out said it was their favorite movie period and how it gave a lot of inspiration in their costumes and music. That's pretty damn cool. It's strange, I have a lot to commend and praise with the movie but I'm having a rough time settling on a rating. It is entertaining and just interesting to watch, the cast is really good, the music is great, the visuals and direction are so specific yet so out there, the story combines bits from many classic horror stories, and I think it probably single handedly is the biggest cult film of the Phantom fandom. I give it 2.5 stars, 7.5/10, I'm gonna lay down and have some wild ass fever dreams tonight.

Eyes Wide Shut

Okay, fine. This was the best one.

Yes Stanley Kubrick's last film is a wonderful and surreal piece of cinema that I personally feel is needing of more love. Shot over a record breaking (and still holding I believe) shoot of 400 consecutive days, Eyes Wide Shut is a bizarre movie but one I highly recommend regardless. Our story focuses on a married couple played by then real life married couple Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, who've hit a rough patch after disclosing some private and honestly rough truths about each other's love life, leading to a strange and surprisingly deep dive into their relationship and the most batshit freaky party quite possibly ever crafted in movie history. Now a lot of people have written this film off as just arthouse porn, but I couldn't disagree more with that, yes it fully warrants that R rating and nearly got a NC-17 rating cause God forbid you show a nipple even though all the more smutty scenes and topics couldn't be less erotic if they tried. The film is about a relationship and raises some big questions, is love truly equal, can love be pure lust and vice versa, what if you decided to do something to hurt your partner because you were jealous, should you feel guilty for thinking about other people besides your partner? While yes the case could be argued it is very much in the eye of the beholder, and I certainly have no issue with that, the film is very much more loose in terms of story progression and characters. Not to say they are horrible characters and the story is an absolute dumpster fire, but it's difficult to pinpoint. I felt the performances from our leads in particular Nicole Kidman were spectacular, and I know we can make jokes about Tom Cruise but honestly he handles the material with enough charm and understanding of drama to pull off a very good performance. The film's visuals are absurdly gorgeous, with colors so bright they practically glow, the camera glides and sways through the scenes, the film has a surreal dream like quality that can dip into sheer nightmare fuel when it wants to. I'm honestly and truthfully concerned about my dreams tonight. So the visual style and cinematography get 10/10 from me, if not even higher! The music combines lovely jazz pieces, wonderful classical compositions, and a quite chilling theme heard throughout the film. There was just so much to appreciate and love, and it floors me that the final cut was shown to the studio just 4 days before Kubrick passed away due to a heart attack. The man was a visionary director, who took on projects from all genres and sources and made unforgettable cinema, and while Eyes Wide Shut may not be my absolute favorite (that distinction goes to A Clockwork Orange) it hits the number 2 spot easily. A beautiful and marvellous looking film that took risks to show a struggling relationship in it's own entirely unique way. It reminded me a lot of The Graduate and how it brings up that not every relationship can have a happy ending, and that love is one of the most complex of emotions and can't be fully described. That's why I have seen so few romance movies that I genuinely loved, because there is depth and, complex and muddled thoughts and emotions that go into such a thing. This may have been a very brief review but this is a film you simply have to experience because talking about it no matter how much in depth cannot replicate the effects. Rent it, buy it, steal a copy from your movie buff friend, I don't care how just go see it. Stanley Kubrick, my hat is off to you. 9/10, 4 stars, a must see movie for any movie fan!

House (1977)

What the somersaulting pink pythons was that??

I just wanted to review this movie cause I've never seen it, heard a bit about it, and wanted to see what it's all about. What I got was a film so batshit crazy it makes Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas a sobering and as real a movie you can get without it being Schindler's List! How do I talk about it? Other than attempt to dissect and better understand the movie by describing the madness on screen? Well, apparently this movie was the director's first attempt in feature length film production and many of the ideas came from nightmares and other horrorshow ideas of his young daughter and that's fine. There is nothing wrong with taking inspiration from childhood fears. But I don't have a flippin' clue where the rest of the movie's ideas came from. It takes the very simple concept of travellers entering a spooky haunted house to unparalleled new avenues and directions, with the actual style of editing and camera shooting like it was made more for a music video than a film, quite good actors especially since none of them had previous acting experience, and effects so experimental and not quite the greatest looking that I question if somebody slipped PCP in my drink and none of this is really happening. It certainly made me question if the production team had some high power blotter acid on set. It's such a visually interesting movie with stuff I've never even dreamed of seeing in a movie. It's pretty amazing. So amazing it's actually part of the Criterion Collection with it's library consisting of impressive, distinguished, and culturally cultivated films that had some impact and significance on the genre and film itself. I mean the effects are interesting if nothing else, the movie has a unique style to the point where the actual characters don't have names. I am not kidding, the group of girls who go this haunted house do not have names. Now in horror movies, specifically slasher movies you can label each character as part of a group, you got the pretty girl, the nerd, the meathead, the joker, and son on. No, no, no, no this is a whooole other level!  The characters names ARE their attributes, with names like Gorgeous, Fantasy, Professor, and Kung-Fu. I couldn't make this up if I tried. I am sad I lack the imagination to make this stuff up! I honestly really like all the girls, specifically Professor and Kung-Fu but what even are these names?? It's like Suspiria in terms of plot yet somehow makes even less sense, at least in Suspiria there was a reason to explain everything. Not here! I'd even take the, "And then I woke up." ending, at least it would explain the absurd nightmare events. And yeah the horror moments are sometimes horrific but other times it's so absurd and it makes me laugh in huge bursts. There's also a surprising amount of nudity that I wasn't expecting but really I've seen it all by now. Can I recommend it? I don't even know. The only way I could is if you are on some serious pain meds and you're being as weird and bizzare as the movie. Which I might be on very soon. So by all means knock yourself out or don't, but I will give props to Criterion for bringing this movie to my attention. I'm sure I'll watch it again. Tune in next time for The Dead Don't Die.

Split

Well. That was interesting.

That's the word I would describe Split, interesting. This is an interesting film, centering around 3 teenage girls who are abducted by a man with multiple personality disorder, accumulating 23 personalities that the girls must try to use in order to escape. And just like Unbreakable it has a very fascinating premise before anything even happens. A thriller based around a person with multiple personalities is a film idea that I don't think I've ever come across, at least not off the top of my head so it already won brownie points for originality. But then the movie goes and goes, and another thing I noticed in this movie like Unbreakable is this continuous mystery that builds and builds to a fantastic reveal. No discredit to the other actors in this movie, but this movie would be hard to do without James McAvoy, I mean he gets it and if he didn't win awards for this, I'm gonna be upset! He changes on a dime and it is amazing to watch, he pulls off every persona, he's a joy to watch in...several ways, it's a great performance. And I'm sure lots of praise has been given to Anya Taylor-Joy who plays the main girl Casey, but there was a lot to her character and she was so interesting to watch because she seems and is in fact a very damaged character and thus acts like an outsider even in this heavy situation, I'm not sure if we will see her again but I will be looking out for her cause she did good. It was a shock to know that Shyamalan actually got the cinematographer from It Follows, this guy just really knows how to film uncomfortable, stressful, and scary situations and make it look good while doing so so that was a treat. Just all these elements complimented an interesting and creepy story and I'm even more hyped to see what will come of Glass, just to see what they do with these characters and this world they built. So join me next time for our final(?) foray into the Unbreakable world.

Monster House

Almost there....

Monster House, a simple but still entertaining movie about a group of kids who learn that their neighbor's house is possesed and and turns into a fearsome beast anytime someone steps on the lawn or rings the doorbell. What I like about this movie is that it is a good autumn movie to watch, it does take place around Halloween time and it shows, with falling leaves, trick or treaters, and it just fits right in with the season. In fact, this movie does have deep roots in a child's young years. Think about it, almost every kid has heard tale of a creepy house that you shouldn't go to or be around, to beware the scary old man in the old dark house, kids have imaginations so it makes sense that they come across an actual living entity in the shape of a house because they can relate to it in an odd sort of way. Another really good thing the movie has for it is the animation, now it is not that great like the quality of say Hotel Transylvania where everything is crisp, clean, and fluid to an almost absurd degree, since it was made in the early 2000s it's stilted, odd, but by no means bad. And the reason I say it's great is because of how the camera moves, you cannot get movement and shots like this in a live action film, that's the beauty of animation you can be creative, you can have expressions that are wild and fun, and you can move the camera in a full three dimensional plane, it doesn't just pan left or right, or cranes upward, it's flying around, moving through objects, having great transitions! It's just really well made for what they had at that time. The kids are great, they are weird, awkward, and they don't always get along but that's kids! Nothing is going to be perfect so I'm happy they got these characters down so well. It's just a good, fun movie that you can watch with your kids or put it on at a Halloween party and it won't be too much for anyone to handle. And watch for the subtle tribute to a masterful suspense movie! Which the more I think about it, Halloween to me, is a children's holiday moreso than an adult holiday. Adults can still participate and have a blast, but it's mainly for the kids. So why is there so few horror-ish movies for kids? Movies, shows, tv movies or specials that your kid could watch and it not be too graphic or scary. That's why I talk about these kinds of movies at this time, because well there are good kids movies for this time of the year, and you may need or want to watch something with your child and it not be friggin' Nightmare On Elm Street. So it's a good movie, watch it on a autumn evening with your family to get you in the proper mood for the coming month, and I shall see you tomorrow.