Thursday, October 27, 2022

House On Haunted Hill

Can you believe I haven't done this one yet?

I've seen this film a good handful of times in the past even before I started reviewing films so it came as a shock to know we haven't visited the House on Haunted Hill. Nothing short of just good old fashioned classic horror in my opinion, where Vincent Price plays a rich socialite and invites five guests to a haunted house he's rented and will give each individual $10,000 to spend the night. As he so eloquently puts it, "There'll be food, drink, and ghosts, and perhaps even a few murders.", and if Vincent Price invited me to that, which honestly sounds like a regular evening at his home (seriously the man was a great lover of culinary arts, fine alcohol, and horror as a genre and by God I miss him everyday), even for $10,000 which in today's money is about $100,000 I couldn't fathom saying no. The house itself on the outside is a marvel of architecture, and though it was built in 1924 and showcased here in 1959 it honestly looks like it was built 10 years ago today, but on the inside it's a proper old dark mansion with candles, chandeliers, creaking doors, and cobwebs which we get familiar with quickly. The film kinda gave me Clue vibes where a group of people traverse to a mansion and are presented weapons before getting embroiled in a murder. You would almost suspect the movie to be a proto-slasher film where several people get bumped off, and honestly the film goes in several different directions than just spooky house thrills and chills the guests. Though I do feel sorry for Nora in this movie, it's a flat out drinking game honestly, take a shot everytime this poor lady is left on her own and take another shot for every incident that scares her, and if you wanna go that extra mile take an additional shot every time she screams. Fan-flippin'-tastic screamer by the by that Carolyn Craig, and the same goes for Carol Ohmart! Elisha Cook is just that right kind of forebodingly creepy and yet humorous as he constanrly hammers away at all the terrible things that have occured at the house. I don't need to say jack or shit about Vincent Price in this movie, true he isn't in top malevolent or tortured acting range but he's just the master of horror, the titan of terror, the thrill in thriller, and the dialogue he has with Carol Ohmart is a highlight. I doubt I need to explain the literal skeleton in the room, but for those uninitiated William Castle the director was a great showman and incorporated gimmicks into his films, with this movie he had a glow in the dark skeleton swing around the theater while the climax of the movie played, and man I would just love to experience a midnight spook show in this day and age though a bygone relic it still is. Even after all this time the movie still has good atmosphere, creepy use of sound effects, and is a wonderful film to watch if you got some other classic horror fans in for a 50s movie marathon one night. I had a great time with it, and it just goes to show it doesn't always have to be a bloodfest or a high special effects horror movie to be enjoyed. I give it 3.5 stars, 8/10, and this dear ones closes another chapter of October on this show. But never fear, we still have 4 more days till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, 4 more days till Halloween, Silver Shamrock. It's almost time kids, the clock is ticking, be in front of your TV sets for the horrorthon on TCM and don't forget the big giveaway at 9:00. Don't miss it, and don't forget to wear your masks. The clock is ticking. It's almost time. Watch....

Wednesday, October 26, 2022

Daughter Of Horror

I think the weird scale has reached a new limit.

Daughter Of Horror is a unique beast in the landscape of horror cinema, purely experimental and abundantly amateur in filmmaking technique, but it's a movie that warrants a bit of conversation. So the plot of this 55 minute film concerns a young woman traversing into the night and meeting many strange individuals while reflecting on her horrific past, where her father shot her momma down and then she killed her dad. It's sooo close to being a silent film but isn't, the only way I can describe it in an appropriately weird and offbeat way for this movie is you know how in Sin City certain elements have color in a noir world? Think that but in terms of audio, there is zero dialogue except for a narrator who then only pops up about 5 times, there's screams and laughter, footsteps and squealing tires, and a prevalent music score with spooky vocals. The film is no doubt set in a dream, as our main character passes from incident to incident without much set up or segueway, the execution of the film is much more fascinating than the plot, and the lack of any viable corroborated background information only adds to the mystique. Pretty gnarly to see a bit of blood and a severed hand (weird how that's happened twice this week) in a mid 50s film, and the overall aesthetic and production seem more fitted for a television series with a healthy dose of unique and weird properties. It's bizzare, weirder than the weirdest David Lynch film, but I feel that's the intention and reason why people are aware of it. Being showcased in The Blob didn't hurt though. It's unique and may not objectively be good but I found it interesting to experience. 2 stars, 6/10, and we're not mucking about tomorrow we're going straight for a 50s classic with Vincent Price. Yaaay!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

The Beast With Five Fingers

Okay this one was made in 1946, don't care, still doing it!

Whoa, this actually was pretty good. Special thanks once more to Cinemassacre's Monster Madness for bringing this film on my radar, and after seeing it for myself I very much enjoyed it. So let's talk briefly about the story, an aging disabled piano player invites guests to his house to bear witness to his will and soon dies thereafter. No foul play is suspected but odd things keep occuring and a second victim is almost claimed leading our main characters to wonder is someone really behind this caper or is it quite literally a hand of death. For a 1940s film about a severed hand it's pretty technically sophisticated and wonderfully directed, with completely unconventional shots and camera movements I've just never experienced before in this era. Shot in pristine black and white, with bits of eerie atmosphere, great use of lighting, and an orchestral score that accentuates the movie just right with a hauntingly heavy Bach composition on piano, it's enough to satisfy any classic horror movie fan. The acting is just as good too, with Robert Alda (father of Alan Alda) being the most charismatic, smooth talking, suave man I have ever seen in the movies, like seriously John Barrowman has some competition now, my God this man was practically making my pants melt down to my ankles. Andrea King and him have quite nice chemistry and she knows how to bring something unique to each situation, and isn't just a shrieking damsel to fall into the arms of her man. But Peter Lorre. Holy shit! From the first time we see him just dressed all in black standing in a window the kinda unsettling aura leaps from the screen, easily the best performance of his I've seen, the dead staring right through you gaze, that simultaneous lulling and yet unnerving voice, his physicality expertly pronounced with the lighting, and the manic frantic energy we saw in M makes it a class act in my book. I know some people might take grief with the fact that for a movie less than an hour and a half long that it takes an hour for the hand to even appear, but the movie isn't dull or even seems padded. Curt Siodmak writer of The Wolf Man has a lot of that fanciful, dignified, smooth talking that is a relic of a bygone age in this current day that makes it engaging to watch and the film doesn't really give you definitive answers on the strange goings on until the end so it encourages viewer thinking. Is the hand real? Is Peter Lorre just off his rocker? Who's behind it? Who knows! You gotta see it for yourself. This is a real hidden gem from a time period where monster and horror movies were starting to fall from grace, leading the way to the atomic age of aliens and science experiments gone wrong. So check it out, I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, and our next movie is pretty unconventional but I think it will lead to some fascinating thoughts so stay tuned.

Friday, October 21, 2022

Black Adam

I had some faith in this movie, I bought the movie cup.

I think Black Adam is the weakest of the DC movies, and even then the score is actually pretty good! It's a very odd origin story, not so much in the actual plot of how a slave under a cruel emperor gained the same powers of Captain Marvel and has awakened in the modern day to find his footing and do battle, but more just the execution of the film. If you want your action, this movie sure delivers but obviously there's more to it than that. When I heard Dwayne was gonna be Black Adam instead of Captain Marvel, I felt that was a off choice of casting. No man. It took exactly 1 second after he properly appears and literally pumps a guy with so many volts he essentially disintegrates to a skeleton and then I shut the f*** up real quick. He doesn't have that immense charm but he can still be funny and has no qualms about just brutally massacring people, it's a bit shocking (no pun intended I swear) but still rad. And when I saw trailer appearances of Dr. Fate, Hawkman, Cyclone who I never heard of until now, and The Atom (who for some weird ass reason is called Atom Smasher here) I was ever so slightly concerned the movie was going to be too busy with so many characters, and truth be told if you can just roll with it that these characters are here, the movie suffers no serious damage. The focus is on Black Adam throughout and the Justice Society while still prevalent are secondary characters. And I thought the acting for all of them were rock solid, with my favorite of all the characters being Cyclone played by Quintessa Swindell, she is just so fab and full of cute energy, I was there for her hardcore. Noah Centineo as The Atom was more on the funny bumbling side, it legit almost felt like they were backdooring Ezra Miller's Flash into his character portrayal but it still worked for me. Aldis Hodge as Hawkman I felt did justice to the character in his adaptation, and the clashing of ideologies between him and Black Adam leading to physical clashes I thought was a nice touch. Dr. Fate played by Pierce Brosnan, what interesting casting but he was my other favorite and gahd bless it I want that friggin' robe! Also, really nice of the film to put some love toward middle eastern actors and architecture, Sarah Shahi did very well being an emotional compass but sure wasn't afraid to throw down so well done young lady. Bodhi Sabongui, I will not grudge a great deal, he did decent work and while he was fully a kid sidekick I can't bash a kid's acting talent. The story moves in a somewhat predictable fashion but the entertainment can still be felt. The characters serve a purpose and progress the plot. It does have some very dated aspects to it I sensed a lot of 90s in this, a severe dose of slow-mo, trailing kid sidekick, there is literally a character in a shiny black trenchcoat, the effects do work but the CGI is obvious. And I know this is going to happen, and I'm already goddamn sick of it but people are going to call ripoff on this movie. Oh Dr. Fate is just Doctor Strange, Cyclone is almost Storm and dresses like the Eternals, Hawkman is Falcon, Atom's mask is flat out Deadpool's mask just painted blue, the powerful ore Eternium is just Vibranium. Move along! It's a typical superhero movie. A strange semi-recurring motif occurs where action scenes are put to popular music, when Black Adam goes on his first rampage the entire scene damn near is shot in slow motion set to The Rolling Stones' Paint It Black, and another even odder occurence is they reference The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly and it was so nice they did it twice, prefacing an action scene with Ennio Morricone's The Trio which was my favorite part of the movie. It isn't a great movie, but nor is it a bad movie, as previously mentioned above it is the weakest of the DC movies in my opinion yet I give it 2.5 stars, 7/10, and stick for that mid-credit's scene. Holy shit man! And we need some 50s classics before this month unfortunately ends so join me next week!

Wednesday, October 19, 2022


Easily the strangest documentary I've ever seen.

Haxan also known as Witchcraft Through The Ages is a 1922 silent film made in Sweden not so much chronicling the history and changing ethos of witches and magic, but kind of a dive into more or less the oppression and tactics used to put accused witches on "trial" with some bits and ends of education on practices of witchcraft. And it's all done in a very surreal way, the film is split into 7 parts but the title cards a staple of silent cinema are written like the actual director is talking to us the audience, about how he found information and conveying it through the miracle of film. He even levels the fourth wall not once or twice, but thrice! Showing footage of one of his actresses legit submitting to thumbscrews and even cracking a joke about it, one of his actresses playing several roles in the last section of film which he himself disclosed, and one of his actresses confiding in him that they have seen the devil which was pretty potent to witness. It is undoubtedly an odd juxtaposition with the soundtrack being rather cheery and upbeat throughout, with notable examples being Danse Macabre and Moonlight Sonata, when clearly the subject material is a bit grim. Speaking of grim, the set design even when set on holy ground looks very eerie and I suppose rightfully so since the majority of the film takes place in the middle ages. You get some proper old timey education in this too, about how people viewed the Earth and stars, how people found evidence of witches which.....kinda seems like witchcraft to my eyes just sayin', how individuals who were pretty much trying to further the field of science were construed as practitioners of witchcraft, and my personal favorite back in the olden times to pretty much sign up for witchery and devil worship you had to kiss Satan's ass. Yeah. So if anyone calls you a kiss ass they firmly believe you consort with Lucifer. This has been another The More You Know. They still kinda fall in that notion that witches do witch stuff nekkid, this is because most books on witchcraft were written by men. Very sexually conflicted, church going, God fearing men so instead of asking the weird girl out for a date just torch her alive at the stake to purge those sexual urges. Be thankful for the decade you were born in people. The good news is the movie does not condone witch hunts or horrific torturing of women, but merely attempts to educate with an open more forward thinking mind and I'm honestly curious how well that went down in the early 20s. It's an imaginative sophisticated film in terms of special effects, the wraith like images of witches flying couldn't not have been the inspiration for the imagery of Night On Bald Mountain from Fantasia, all the costumes for the demons and Satan are obvious costumes but it still works very well in the movie, and can come off as creepy, there's even some proto-stop motion effects, talk about advanced. I'm fairly positive this is the pure bones of what people think the devil looks like, pointy ears, horns of ram and also protruding from the forehead, tongue constantly in a state of movement, all I was missing was a tail shot and he was played by the director too! So visuals are pretty strong even if not prevalent throughout, and while this is probably the longest silent film I've ever seen going for almost 2 hours, I view it as a piece of history which strangely is the purpose of the film in a way, so bravo for that. I know there is a sound version with narration and a jazz score which I believe hacks the movie down to just a bit over an hour, I didn't get my hands on that one so no notes there. Overall, it's a very interesting piece of cinema and history and while not scary it has something unique to bring to the table and no doubt shocked a good deal of people in 1922. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, new movie once more next time and not a horror either. Boooo!! Well, you can't win em' all. So hail Santa, oh f***ing hell I spelled it wrong nevermind, and have a lovely day.

Monday, October 17, 2022


Well today mostly sucked but a horror movie and food will cure most ails.

I'm not really sure how to convey my opinions on this film, I feel I'd just be describing scenes and moments and not give much input. Not that it's bad, or dull, or boring, but it is weeeeeird. Okay, so the movie was made in 1932 in Germany, and it's almost a silent film. Doesn't make much sense but the movie pretty much breathes bizarre. It's like 80% silent film with text cards and all, yet the other 20% has a bit of dialogue and sound effects not counting the musical score of course. So the story follows a traveller named Allan Gray who gets embroiled in a bunch of very strange happenings. Shadow people roam the hotel he's staying at, he keep hearing noises that have no origin, and may have unwittingly met a blood sucking fiend. So pretty far from your typical vampire movie by every stretch of the definition, the movie barely clocks in at over an hour and feels more like a prolonged nightmare than a cohesive story driven plot. Which makes it tricky to talk about so this will get scatterbrained but here were a few of my observations. It took me over half the film to put my finger on it but our main character reminded me of someone and it finally dawned on me he looks like H.P. Lovecraft, and once I saw that it was a bit hard to stop. The nightmare sequence where Allan experiences being in his coffin and carried to the cemetary is super effective with POV shots and almost disorientating movement. I felt the eerie quality was felt throughout, and did have a few brief moments where the creeps were rolling over me. The movie has a fair bit to owe to the german expressionism genre, and I'll admit even though the effect of the shadow people is ridiculously simple to figure out at the same time I was like, how did they do that? I kinda like the fact you have no idea who the vampire is until the end, because it's not an obvious Max Shreck/Bela Lugosi look so it keeps a decent mystery about it. Also the lore presented is very different, like never heard of in my entire life kinda lore concerning the creatures of the night, which makes sense because this is still very early days for that idea to set roots down. It's incredibly different, and I'm sure not everyone is gonna grasp it and find it entertaining in it's own way but I'm happy I finally got to see it. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and we'll dip fully into the silent era next time.

Friday, October 14, 2022

Halloween Ends

Alright! We made it.

You might be surprised when I say this but I went into this movie with less than zero expectations. Not at all that I thought the movie would suck, but I literally don't think I even saw a trailer or piece of footage for this movie, and with the internet being the internet I heard some super brief non-spoiler reactions and people said it was the most polarizing and divisive entry in the series and it would take multiple viewings to settle on a score, stuff I haven't heard since The Last Jedi. But the film starts innocently enough with glowing blue titles like in Halloween 3 so you bet I was a pretty happy camper, but the film at a certain point did have me extremely worried. No spilled spoilers from this mouth, but the film takes what was more the undercurrent of Halloween Kills and leans in deeeep with a more introspective almost dissection of the impact of the killings and how the characters are processing it all. I know, I know, not exactly what people would want but man I applaud the movie for pushing that envelope and fully embracing it, trying to go below the surface rather than the blade's tip of depth. We see Laurie actually in a positive state of mind, getting a new house and living with Allison, being social, accepting and moving past the tragedies of her life, and I just love seeing Laurie happy. Some people might argue it goes against her character especially with the death of Karen last film, but guys are you really going to tell me you hate seeing Laurie happy and living her life? Allison meets up with a young man who had a pretty horrific accident happen to him and they start building a bit of a relationship but I can't delve deeper into that. And Michael, okay. Everybody, come in, sit down. There isn't a great deal of Michael Myers in this movie, it almost goes into Season Of The Witch territory and I almost want to say this is his lowest kill count of the series but I will leave that to more professional hands. And there is certain things I would like to say but it's treading so close to spoilers it might as well be slipping into the deep end of that pool so I'll give the slightest hint. If you are fairly informed about how the production ideas for Halloween 5 were developed and very quickly dropped....just saying. Hence my immense worry and possible razing of this film to the ground. But it's okay. It did what I hoped and the ending didn't disappoint. I feel the acting from all parties was spot on and fully commited, bless Jamie and long may her scream queen rule reign, newcomer Rohan Campbell (what a brilliant name) has a lot of screentime and attention but he pulls through and does good work, the chemistry between him and Andi did feel a notch rushed but for her final performamce in this trilogy (Quadrilogy perhaps?) she went out on a good note. James Jude Courtney still has that imposing presence and honestly seeing Michael move fast if even just for a few seconds kinda freaked me out, but as I said because he doesn't have much time it does affect the score, though not by his physical acting he stays tried and true to the last two movies easily. Now, can I indeed see where people might disconnect and divide into their respective camps over this movie? A little bit. My wishlist was fulfilled, I respect the hell out of the movie for going into uncharted territory, I did like it. However. The question now comes into my mind, how will the film hold up on repeat viewings in the future? I just don't know. It could drop, it could stay relatively the same in terms of score. So please take it with a grain of salt, just hang tight before commiting to a positive or negative viewpoint of it until all is said and done and you can form everything you want to say. It's not for everyone, but that doesn't discount or discredit it either. I give it 2.5 stars, 7/10, at the bare bones of it all the movie has my respect for commitment to the end. And that good friends is the last Halloween movie, we got them all done. It took 7 years but we got there. Next week will be easier, mostly.

Thursday, October 13, 2022

Halloween II (2009)

Well that was an experience.

I may not like it as much as the first one but I didn't really hate it. We pick up one year after Michael got shot in the computer at point blank range, and Laurie is irrevocably damaged from the experience still having nightmares and trauma from that night when guess who's coming over Halloween night? It deals a lot more with just the fallout of the first film than killing is Michael's business and business is good, and takes almost a more cerebral/psychic drive with both Laurie and Michael and their familial connection. I mean duuuude, if you thought I was upset with how much shit Laurie had to go through in the first film I was about ready to riot here. There is no cathartic victorious ending, if anything it firmly sets in just the horror and the heartbreak which occurs when something terrible happens like a killing. The deaths are absurdly grisly, I learned the hard way don't watch this movie while dining, but all the more that goes to show how super well done the effects artists at work are here. And somehow it got more angry, it makes the first movie look like Michael was just kind of annoyed when he's knifing people I mean Jezuz Cuhryst man! But I feel the emotions and the drama haven't been lost, though we don't spend a lot of screen time on Danielle and Brad my heavens above the acting and cute family dynamic they have is amazing. Like I firmly believe, if I have to set up a petition for this then so be it, but there has got to be like an Academy Award show based around the horror industry. Brad Dourif is such a commited actor and I love him to pieces, Danielle Harris still brings it and I was severely upset emotionally seeing her not survive this time, Scout is my heart shattering into tiny fragments throughout this movie I think she's wonderful conveying all this emotional and psychological baggage, friggin' Malcolm McDowell just being this heartless capitalizing son of a bitch is far from Sam Loomis but the guy nails it! I know people have grievances with the psychological connection and hallucinations Michael and Laurie have but guys this is so not a new thing in the Halloween series, people rolled with it at Halloween 5 you can look past it here. It gets artsy, and I'm not really sure what the implication is of it all, but it's more in the background. I guess I can't say I hate it, and knowing this production being even more of a pain in the ass for Rob Zombie and even fiercer meddling from the studio I don't blame the guy for doing what he did. They were gonna make a theatrical mockery out of his shit man, and he wasn't gonna stand for it. So he made it weirder, more out there, pushed it to the outskirts of the playing field this series has been on for at that point 31 years. I can't fault him, it wasn't a bad movie, it turned a lot of people off and didn't perform well, but I can live with it existing. I give it 2.5 stars, 6/10, maybe it won't get some re-evaluation like the first movie but I still think it has it's own merits. Does it truly end tomorrow? Does Halloween ever really end? If they stick to their guns and just f***ing do it no matter what, it'll have my respect at least. We'll see.

Wednesday, October 12, 2022

Halloween (2007)

Alright guys I'm stumped, why is this hated?

Well okay, maybe it's not hated now but I think it was kind of a given in the late 2000s the new Halloween movie sucked. I fail to see any serious issue here. Rob Zombie was flat out told by John Carpenter to do whatever he wants, and by his account the production more specifically pressure from studio execs was a damn nightmare (sit and spin on a flaming sword by the by Harvey Weinstein you waste of atoms). I knew it was going to be something different so I dropped everything, settled down and started watching it. People can bitch all they want about the childhood stuff, but me personally I think I get what Rob was going for here. It's not so much the fact that Michael had a severe dysfunctional and trashy family so therefore he becomes a killer, it's more that something that becomes this horrific mass murdering monster can spawn from anywhere and any family dynamic. And I'll admit, that portion of the film had a strong grip on my attention delving into some drama, dare I say compelling storytelling, I would watch a movie that takes a serial killer documentary style feel with Loomis and Michael as the years progress, seeing Loomis try and fail more and more to reach this young boy and it genuinely upsets him. The acting from Sheri, Malcolm, and Daeg are rock solid in my opinion. And even when we break on through to more familiar grounds it's still fairly unpredictable. Laurie is a lot more extroverted and fun, I'd guard Scout with my body and soul forever she is such a sweetie, and by God you would never want something bad to happen to her in this movie. In fact, I like all our main girls and even their parents a great deal and thus when the bodies start dropping you feel upset. This is far from the case of annoying little shits that need to drop dead and fast in other slasher movies. You think I would root against Danielle Harris? Get f***ed. And I know, I know. She wanted the role, she wanted to show off some skin, that is your life and your career hun, go for it. Me though? Oh no! No no! You're going the wrong way movie!! You need to turn around! Turn the f*** around!!! STOP! No thank you. And speaking of said kills, holy balls of fire it is rough. I mean the effects are very well done, but it's just so....angry and just messed up to watch. I honestly think Michael hasn't been this dominating and looming and scary since the first movie. When Tyler Mane gets that mask on and he can just stand there and I'm just over here like ohhhhh shiiiiit me, clearly he is embodying the role well. He does blindside you at times, cause you think well he's got the silent stalking part down perfectly, and you think he's gonna stalk just a bit longer. He ain't got time for that, there be no stealthy kills here, he will kick your shit in after breaking some more shit. And I found the fundamental idea of babysitters being attacked by a killer to work impressively well after all this time. I just don't get it. It's a good movie, it's not a masterpiece, it sure as goddamn hellfire ain't Resurrection bad. It has plenty to like, the characters are handled well, the horror is still felt, it's shot quite well, you just have to let it be and judge it on it's own merits. It's not a remake, it's a reimagining. I am also aware of some cuts and versions out there, just go watch The Kill Count break it down, I mean seriously if there is friggin' one thing you should be watching regularly this month and every month it's those good people. So 3 stars from me, 7/10, not too sure what to expect from the sequel but we'll find out soon enough.

Tuesday, October 11, 2022

Halloween Resurrection

This f***ing day has been coming since 2015.

So what did I think of the final movie of the original series? Bullshit. That's what I think. Total f***ing bullshit. The fact I spent 3 dollars on this is a travesty. I am so not happy guys. Resurrection my ass, this put the series into the ground for good until Rob wanted to do his own spin, and there's no resurrection! It's a sham!! It's all a lie! Ughhh, okay let's do this shit. So unfortunately, we pick up about 2 years after 20 Years Later with Laurie in a mental hospital because and you're gonna love this, Michael did not get his head knocked clean off with an axe to the face but swapped places with one of the paramedics at the crime scene, crushed his voicebox so the man couldn't speak, and has been on the loose ever since. So thanks for taking that final huzzah, the big V for Laurie right the shittin' hell away, Michael then offs Laurie in the first maybe 15 minutes, which is a nice additional nod to her mom Janet Leigh of Psycho fame, but frankly my dear I'm happy you didn't give a damn and wanted out as quick as possible. So an indeterminate period of time has passed before we meet up with our new group of veal lined up for the slaughterhouse, who really can be sectioned off into stereotypes I mean I know, this is a horror movie it is a part of the fundamental DNA of a slasher film, but it's fairly egregious. Main girl, dopey best friend, actually a pretty likeable and fun black dude, awkward nerd, philosophical brainy girl, wiseass guy just wanting some tail, all we're missing is some shit heel jock and we could be summoning Captain Planet. And if you don't get that reference, that is NMFP (Not My F***ing Problem)! And they're so goddamn infuriating and annoying and stupid! Sweet Jesus God I was ready to start throwing fists at the wall man! I'm serious, anyone ANYONE who says Halloween Kills is the worst of the Halloween franchise is officially on my shit list and I will fight you on the side of the street!! Ohhh, oh hohoho, I feel the rage coursing through me today boy! Let's at least try to name some positives. The effects I feel in terms of kills and gore are pretty good. The movie was a bit ahead of it's time with this sort of livestreaming interactive video thing our host of victims are participating in, granted the technology is dated as all get out but that's some forward thinking for a movie made 20 years ago. I will say in all honesty, Busta Rhymes is not a bad actor, you can say and you are correct on what he does in the movie is ridiculous and punks Michael Myers out hardcore, but the man is commited to this goofy ass dialogue and actually pulls it off with a lot of charm, likeability, even charisma, and is pretty funny! I'll admit hearing Busta Rhymes shout in a Michael Myers mask and cussing up a storm made me laugh my ass off unironically. The kung-fu is a bit much but I cannot say I entirely hated his performance. Uhhhh....what else? Props to the redhead for showing off some skin, woman's got more gnards than I do, respect to you. Uhmm, the kills were inventive? This bit is over, we're moving on. I will say it was a bit hard to watch this film, I know ha ha funny funny, but the actual swapping between grainy, fuzzy ass, static kinda shaky filled POV cameras and the crisp, decent, professional cinematography was affecting my eyes a bit. I don't think it should cause any serious issues to people with epilepsy or motion sickness or anything, but it did fiddle with my eyes a wee notch. I don't know what else to say, I just...shit! I have been dreading this day more than getting to Halloween 6, when I dropped Halloween 1, 2, and 3 waaaayyy back in 2015 I doomed myself, I knew I was gonna get to it. Was it worth it? Not particularly. I should have called it quits at Season Of The Witch, we didn't get better than that until 2018. Oh my God, just run, leave, abort, abandon ship, avoid, fly into the event horizon of a black hole, just stay away. 1 star, 3/10. Moustapha Akkad I respect and appreciate what you and your family have done for this series, I would never besmirch your good name or any of your realtives, the affinity you hold for these movies, not now not ever, but was Resurrection really the right step forward? The world is far from perfect, we're on a rough timeline here folks, bad things happen, but look to the mistakes of the past to craft a better future in all it's avenues and facets. Learn and progress. And just a mere 5 years later, after the horrible death of Moustapha and his daughter Rima in 2005, Rob Zombie took up the reigns in 2007 for his own version and sequel which we will be covering next time. 

Friday, October 7, 2022

Tourist Trap

All you mannequin and dummy phobia people may want to skip out on this.

This movie strangely feels like it should have come out in the early 80s but debuted in 1979, combining elements of Psycho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and House Of Wax with a group of travelling young folk through a deserted old road and finding a wax museum that looks like it needs a few new attractions. Basic so far until you get about 5 minutes in and then it becomes a very very different movie. Turning almost into a fever dream of surreal and supernatural occurences but I won't say much more. I legitimately like our cast throughout, Chuck Connors is more or less our lead and I knew for a fact I recognized him from somewhere in the western genre and it turns out he was the star of The Rifleman. Showing my age once again, but I thoroughly enjoyed his performance and would have gladly seen him in more horror movies, not only does he have a strong physique literally carrying our co-stars like a babe in arms, and towering at 6'6" (same height as me by the by), but his acting shows mighty good range here showing off quite a bit of charm and emotion. He was undoubtedly the highlight for me. Jocelyn Jones is a fine final girl, and while her survivor mantle isn't obtained till near the end she did pretty good. Kinda was shocked to see Tanya Roberts in this, and my lord that lady never lost her beauty through time and it's a true shame she passed away this year, so it was a definite treat to see her again. For such a small roster of a cast the movie doesn't feel sparse with good locations but more importantly some unusual extras, now I don't have any kind of problem with mannequins I quite adore Kim Catrall and weathered Autons in Doctor Who with ease, but man it was just a tiny bit creepy in this movie. You don't see them slowly shambling through the sets with the intent to kill, but you sure don't feel settled when a shot is peppered with them. The story moves at a pretty good pace and even got some reactionary kills from me, and I do suggest people give it a go if only just to spread awareness and discuss their own opinions of it. For such a bizzare premise, it's a decent little movie and not by a long shot a bad way to cap off the first week of October. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and we are wrapping up some unfinished business with a popular horror franchise next week so stay tuned.

Wednesday, October 5, 2022

Alice Sweet Alice

Oh Jesus God man!

F***ing hell movie, for something not widely known I know this could be up some horror hounds alley. Okay, gotta get settled and try to relay the plot. So our story begins with a mother and her two daughters Karen and Alice, with Karen being the much more behaved and praised of the siblings while Alice is reaching that angsty teenage phase and is not given a lot of love and is accosted by others, and one day when they attend church Karen is murdered, quite horribly at that. 15 minutes in and an innocent little girl is murdered and burned in a church, and you will recognize a heavy predilection for religious imagery in this movie, this film has more religious stuff in it than The Exorcist. So right away the mystery solving begins as to who killed Karen, and it's not obvious as to who did it despite the title, and for an almost 2 hour film the pacing is kept up super well. However, I can firmly say I've just never quite seen a movie presented like this. The film is unabashedly 70s from fashion, the more washed out film stock, and overall vibe but it's the combination of cinematography, editing, and acting which is an entirely different beast. There is a lot of framing done from a POV even when there isn't anyone there who is watching someone, the editing is peculiar and may seem choppy almost I dare say experimental so this really isn't a movie you watch super casually while doing other things. It demands your full undivided attention but you get something out of it, whether it be production techniques or the story itself. It is a fairly eerie horror film, the music just bugs me out a wee bit, and the killer's choice of attire is most unnerving. That mask man, I will say this straight up without hyperbole or for the purposes of comedy, if I saw anyone regardless of age or gender wearing a yellow raincoat and that mask staring dead straight at me on the sidewalk on Halloween night, you could count the bricks I would shit. Michael Myers wouldn't get me to blink, that would get me to sit in a corner with a loaded rifle until the sun rises. It gets fairly bloody and the stabbing effects did garner squirming and blech sounds aplenty, and yeah it did actually get me to jump even when I saw it coming. It's no hidden horror masterpiece but it did the trick pretty well for me, and for the low low price of $1 on Prime Video I certainly wasn't robbed. Give it a chance, see what you make of it, I was onboard and was pretty happy about seeing it. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, and the mask wearing killer trend may continue next time and the week beyond.

Monday, October 3, 2022

The Town That Dreaded Sundown

Not a bad way to start the most spectacular, wonderful, sublime time of the year.

My second review for a Charles B. Pierce film, and I gotta say I liked it a good fair bit but it was certainly not even slightly what I thought the film was going to be. I fully expected a proto-slasher film set in the early 1970s but what we get is more or less a biopic on the real life Phantom Killer crimes set in Texarkana after the end of World War 2. The production isn't that pure documentary style Charles Pierce used in The Legend Of Boggy Creek, the closest we get to that is his narration and some brief recycled footage from Boggy Creek at the tail end. So the story involves the police force of Texarkana Arkansas and a Texas Ranger trying to hunt down a serial killer that targets young couples in lovers lane locales. And the killer is not Jason Voorhees in Friday The 13th Part 2, just uncannily similar in design and strangely has that Michael Myers mask breathing down 2 years before Halloween. The movie definitely has it's roots firmly dug into Arkansas' small town and isolated homesteads scenery which works well for the movie and setting an ominous mood for the townsfolk. I found the thriller horror aspect adequately effective, I mean concept alone is scary enough but there were times in the middle of a chase with zero musical score that I did feel apprehensive and the heart quickened a notch and yes it did actually shock me with the violence a bit. Far from ultra graphic but just seeing someone get executed two shots in the back of the head or a touch of blood spraying on a wall really wowed me, you just don't expect to see that from a early 70s film, horror or not. So I appreciate that. The film tries for comedic moments and while they don't all work the film succeeds far far more than the comedy touches in Last House On The Left which were pretty much faceplantingly unnecessary from the word go, I can live without that but it doesn't negatively strike against the film. Which is interesting because two cops we follow, one almost has an Andy Griffith vibe to him while the other is a bumbling dummy much like Barney Pfeiffer, odd comparison and showing my dilapidated age but it did strike me as that. Of course we have our director also narrate and he just has such a warm, interesting, lovely voice and it would have been a treat to be in conversation with the man, but everytime he pops up I hang on every word. I believe I got a restoration copy of the film, originally it was shot on 35mm film which is pretty impressive and the movie looks damn good because of it, and it's all free on the YouTubes so check it out if you haven't already. I found it to be a simple but decent southern fried horror film, and I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, and next time we got even more creepy masks and bloodshed to behold.