Friday, April 27, 2018

Scooby-Doo And The Witch's Ghost

It's the best and I will fight you on this.

Now of course I'm biased, I saw this at a young age and fell in love with it. But why? Why this movie above every other? I can't fully say. It has a great story, the gang meet a famous writer Ben Ravencroft who invites them to his hometown where apparently the ghost of his ancestor who was convicted of being a witch has returned. It has probably the best finale to any of the Scooby-Doo movies, the acting is great especially when you get a powerhouse like Tim Curry fully devoted to his role. Add good comedy, great animation, and the best and so far only recurring characters in the series history to return periodically. I refer of course to The Hex Girls, who I am even more biased towards because quite frankly I love them and the music they perform in the movie. But it goes deeper than that, this is a terrific fall movie, I mean like if you put it on in October it has that exquisite fall feeling to it all and perfect for Halloween. The nostalgia has skyrocketed, I watched this movie all the time, day, night, I adored it as a kid and the love has never died. The animation is crisp and fluid, the comedy actually does make me laugh at times, the characters are memorable, the music is fantastic, this just holds the title for best Scooby-Doo movie ever. This and my old tape of Scooby's Greatest Mysteries, and of course Mystery Incorporated are the crown jewels of this series for me. You wanna know why I persist to love this series even to this day? Watch those and the original show. And the best part? I share a birthday with Shaggy Rogers. Happy Birthday Casey.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Scooby-Doo Mask Of The Blue Falcon

Talk about a trip down memory lane.

Mask Of The Blue Falcon is not only a good Scooby-Doo movie, but a love letter to Hannah-Barbera. The gang accompanies Shag and Scoob to a comic convention where, shock of all shocks, a mystery springs up based off the classic Blue Falcon series with the original actor of the Blue Falcon TV series as the main suspect, thus spurring Shaggy and Scooby into action to protect their childhood hero and solve the case. Again very much like Frankencreepy, Mask Of The Blue Falcon holds a special place in my heart if only for the sheer amounts of nostalgia. The film is a love letter to the Hannah-Barbera cartoons from the 60s and 70s, I mean you name it and it's here! Blue Falcon, Space Ghost, Herculoids, Speed Buggy, Hong Kong Phooey, Frankenstein Jr., every single last one of them is seen in some form or another. And the first time I saw this I was with my grandma, Cartoon Network is still one of my favorite channels if not my absolute favorite and a Scooby-Doo movie was coming on and being a lifelong fan I was down for it. I was floored by all these characters cause I was born at the right time to see all those old cartoons along with the new ones, Cartoon Network had reruns of these shows back in the day and later on in life I got Boomerang where I watched countless classic cartoons from the 60s to the 90s so I grew up with all these characters and being home at that time, I couldn't get more nostalgia if I ever tried. It's just wonderful to go through this movie and fully enjoy all the references. And it doesn't even stop there. The original Blue Falcon has heavy ties to the 60s Batman series, with the old show not in syndication and not on video, the star only gaining money from con appearances and being forgotten in light of new more dark and realistic super hero movies. I feel it was a huge missed opportunity to not have him voiced by Adam West, now people might say well it would be too on the nose and obvious, to which I counter with well the voice actor does an Adam West impression anyway so why not? It's interesting to know that Shaggy and Scooby were influenced by the Blue Falcon and to know they are heavy into the con scene, hell even Daphne has an obsession with these collectables they're like a mix of My Little Pony and Beanie Babies, Fred is a fan of new comic book movies, and poor Velma is just a stick in the mud I mean you think she would be all for sci-fi or mystery books. But I had a blast with this movie, and while it may not be as funny as Frankencreepy it still holds something special to me at least.

And tomorrow on my birthday we look at my #1 favorite Scooby-Doo movie of all time.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Scooby-Doo Frankencreepy

Holy shrimp this is amazing!

I mean whoa man, this could easily be top 3 in my favorite Scooby-Doo movies of all time, not only is it hilarious, not only is the story fun, not only is it chock full of references to Frankenstein, but this movie got these characters and gave them a bit to work with. So the story goes, Velma is contacted to inherit her great great uncle's castle who performed experiments to create a monster, and is thus discovered that Velma's ancestor was the inspiration for Mary Shelley to write her now famous book, and Velma sets out to disprove the experiments of her relative and hijinks and hilarity ensue. There is so much good to talk about, the editing I swear was done by Edgar Wright, it has his distinct stamp on fast editing and it adds so many laughs to this movie. The movie references not only the classic Universal movies but also heavily takes from Young Frankenstein, to the point where you could literally splice scenes from that movie in this one and it would still work and still be funny. I especially love how the movie brings up older cases from the gang, and I mean they straight up show clips from the old shows, how friggin' cool is that? And the movie takes bold steps as well, this movie kills the van. They blow up the Mystery Machine. Dang. And the traits and emotions of the characters help the movie in my opinion, all the gang goes to a dark place. Fred gets practical PTSD from seeing the van blow up, Daphne has to work out some serious vanity issues, Shaggy and Scooby lose their appetites and start acting brave (PS. I adore that 5 second montage of absurdities coming true when they say that.), and Velma starts to not act on logic and falls victim to the Frankenstein curse. And I'm not gonna lie, it's beautiful. We don't see these characters like this like....ever and it is terrific. Plus I'm happy Velma gets some serious attention and screen time, and that mad scientist outfit...ooh lord. I love this movie so much, I love it to tiny pieces, I would buy it in a heartbeat, I can not reccomend it more. Go see this movie, watch it either with your kids or solo because it is well worth your time. You know what's really weird? Every movie has some link between each other. Zombie Island and Boo Brothers had a southern plantation, Boo Brothers and Frankencreepy had inherited property, granted I don't know if there is a connection between Frankencreepy and tomorrow's movie which will be Scooby-Doo Mask Of The Blue Falcon.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Scooby-Doo Meets The Boo Brothers

Man this movie was more packed than I remember!

So much happens in this movie it made my head spin, but it's still fun. The Boo Brothers is a busy yet good movie taking place during Shaggy's red shirt phase, after the gang originally parted ways and introduced us to the character everybody loves to hate, Scrappy-Doo. Shaggy has learned of his uncle's passing and is left an inheritance on a plantation, so Shag and Scoob head down south to gain the inheritance while solving riddles, avoiding the most diverse and heavy opposing forces of monsters I think in the entire series history, and try to escape the hijinks of the Boo Brothers. Now don't get me wrong, I had fun with this movie, the myriad of monsters add great variety though it makes one wonder how in God's name one guy did all that, I mean seriously if I tried to list them all I would be here all night! And even with the ridiculous number of opposing forces, the chase scenes are fun, the humor has good timing, and Scooby and Shaggy still are the focus. It would have been so easy to get sidetracked with these wacky side characters but they did good. This movie is heavily comedy focused, the Boo Brothers are literally stand-ins for The Three Stooges so you get lots of slapstick humor and wordplay, but the real laughs for me came in the animation. The reactions to some things are so funny to me and for a TV movie in the late 80s, the animation team need to be commended. Plus watching Shaggy have to brush off a boy crazy girl is the high point of this movie for me, it just slays me! And then Scrappy. I just, ugh. I doubt even owners of those annoying tiny yap-yap dogs who got a real bad attitude and think they are bigger than a literal great dane like Scrappy. Nobody likes him, and yet he's helpful to the plot. The horror. Regardless, I like the mystery and the riddles are legit good riddles, and despite the overhaul of monsters this is a decent entry. It's perfect for a slow afternoon watch, good for young kids, and was a decent trip down nostalgia street for me.

Tomorrow, we have probably the funniest Scooby movie I have ever seen in my life and only saw it last year. So tune in for Scooby-Doo Frankencreepy.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Scooby-Doo On Zombie Island

It was high time to indulge in my love of Scooby-Doo. After making it #1 on my animated shows, and not talking much about it why not spend my birthday week to look at in my opinion the best Scooby-Doo movies made.

Zombie Island was the first of the direct to video Scooby-Doo movies I ever saw, which really ushered in the still continuing Scooby movies you see in video stores. And I was maybe 5 years old when I saw this movie and I took the supremely creepy movie entirely in stride, which is surprising for me cause I was damn near afraid of my own shadow at that age. And I gotta tell you, it has been a very long time since I saw this movie last and truthfully I appreciate it and think it's gotten better now that I'm older. The film starts surprisingly with the gang split up, this is a huge leap for this movie and series for that matter cause, the gang moved on. They got tired of not solving any real mysteries, and you's true! Scooby-Doo had been on for 30 years at this point and the mysteries weren't exactly Agatha Christie, so it makes sense. The gang got tired of the boring, mundane cases and moved on, went their seperate ways but decided to get back together for one more case to try and rekindle that sense of adventure and joy they once had. So basically the gang almost has a mid-life crisis kinda. Whoa! I mean that's a big bold move to see that alone. So they travel down to the bayou in good ol' Louisiana in search of a true haunted house and get a lot more than what they wanted. I was surprised to learn that a lot of japanese animators helped out on this movie and it does show, the animation is very fluid and detailed and the movie looks great! Some shots are incredibly cinematic, and this was still a time when hand drawn animation was the norm so the animators must be applauded. The cast changed at this time and most of the cast for the gang still do the voices today. Frank Welker had to take the enormous task of voicing Scooby after Don Messick passed away, and this film was in memory of him, and I love Frank Welker and he does Don proud. And keep your ears open for two famous voice actors today, one is obvious and one is not. And the mystery is compelling and how the events unfold shaped the way future Scooby-Doo movies were made, where the mystery may be legit or not when it comes to the monsters. And oh, that reveal. I mean we as an audience know something is up, and the movie does good with lore building, but when the time comes to drop the hatchet to the characters, it is grotesque and great. The zombie designs are creepy and it just adds to that dark tone in this movie, yes it's still a cartoon but it does push that envelope for such a routine show like Scooby-Doo. In fact there is some true creepy and down right disturbing scenes and ideas, it's definitely the most creepy and scary of all Scooby-Doo media, except for that one short. The movies were just as impactful to me as the cartoon, and I still have all my old tapes, I've seen every incarnation of old Scoob and 90% of the movies both animated and (regretablly) live action. I can't honestly say when I was a fan, but this movie didn't exactly hurt my standing on it. In fact if you ask most people who saw this in the late 90s, they would generally tell you this is a good movie nostalgia or not. Timeless characters, very good animation, an interesting story, a good mystery, and the beginning of many more movies to come.

Tomorrow we take a slight turn back into time, and yet I believe it's in the same location with another one of my earliest Scooby-Doo movies, Scooby-Doo Meets The Boo Brothers.

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Isle Of Dogs

It was totally worth the wait. Like damn.

Guys, this film hit every checkbox that equals great film for me. Wes Anderson, check. All star cast, check. Film set in Japan with their culture and language in abundance, quadruple check. Stop motion animation, double check. I mean, what more do you want? 10 stars! A+! Just all the details, and the look, and the charm made this movie great to me. The story follows a young boy by the name of Atari who travels to an abandoned island composed of trash and dogs forcibly removed from the city in the hopes of finding his own best friend. We meet several dogs who help the boy along, and a grand odyssey commences. Apparently I was the only one who got the off-beat damn near subtle humor, cause no one was laughing in that theatre but me. Which is a shame cause Wes Anderson does make these sort of off-beat comedy movies with his own twist of adventure, drama, and romance. And I love the fact the film takes place in Japan, it's heavily influental all throughout. The art style is presented, present subcultures, the score is all from a style of japanese music, the language is heard throughout making it a semi-foreign film because only the dogs and one human character speak in english, it's such a fascinating example. I've never seen a movie like this before! And all the characters are great, I love the designs, and the voice acting is ridiculously good. I almost daresay it's better than Kubo And The Two Strings, you know how much I praised and loved that movie! And yet Isle Of Dogs surpasses that very high bar, with a compelling story that takes notes from several movies. I saw you nod to Citizen Kane and The Magnigicent Seven (which was also remade from a japanese film Seven Samurai, funny how life goes). It's just such a great film and I really must pursue more of Wes Anderson's work, I've only ever seen this and Moonrise Kingdom both of which I deeply loved. I highly urge you to go see this movie if you can, and I cannot wait to own it. You owe it to yourself to see a movie about man's best friend.

And this week we see some movies from my favorite animated series of all time.

Friday, April 20, 2018

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

God dang man, this was a great movie.

I mean no wonder it got nominated for Best Picture, this is one of the best movies I have seen in awhile. I mean really, really good. Three Billboards has one of the most real, harsh, and sadly true stories. It's been seven months since Mildred lost her daughter who was raped, killed, and burned to death and she has really just gotten fed up with life and buys out three billboards that she hopes urges the police force to reopen the case. Damn. And though the movie has some outlandish things in it, it feels too real. Francis McDormand deserved that award! She is angry, bitter, not giving a flying hell and wants justice for her daughter. It's a ridiculously good performance. And that's what I really gotta applaud the movie for. There are no good guy/bad guy dynamic. They are people. The cops aren't bad or corrupt, they are kinda lazy but not the worst humanity has to offer. Woody Harrelson and Sam Rockwell are the prime examples, true Sam Rockwell is a bit of an asshole but that's kind of his charm, and Woody is terrific and leads to a perfect scene in my opinion. And not much happens in the scene, just a letter being read and a character soaking it in. And it And the movie ends just right in my opinion. I highly, highly recommend you see this movie if you haven't already. This was a great movie and I only have one bad thing to say about it. They have a flashback scene and it is, very forced and contrived to say the least but even it cannot hurt the score of this movie. 4 stars, check it out! And for some weird ass reason I thought this was a Cohen brothers movie. Must have crossed dimensions again...

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

I, Tonya

You know, I have no idea why I wanted to see this, let alone review it.

I saw the trailer and I didn't care enough. I don't know a damn thing about Tonya Harding, so what got me here? I can't explain it, but to put it simply this is the movie I needed to see today. Above every other film I own or film I would have loved to talk about, I needed this movie. And yeah, it was a pretty friggin' good movie! Though I hate sport movies, and I hate biography movies even more...I, Tonya really caught my attention and held it until the end. I mean, Margot Robbie is worth seeing all the time and I loved her in this movie and truthfully she made this movie for me. The movie follows Tonya from her early age on the ice rink all the way until the end of the court case against her, and if the events are fully true like the movie I kinda gotta laugh. Not so much about the life of Tonya, honestly it sucked and I'm going to be straight up, after the knife throw....momma would have to disappear. Just saying. But the whole incident is so ridiculous it is downright hilarious, because it just spins off of an already ludicrous plan and it gets stupid crazy. But the actors sell it and they all did great work, and major props to Margot Robbie for getting out on that ice and skating you did good girl! So who is this movie for? Tonya Harding fans? People who want a bit of history about a big news event back in the day? I have no idea but it is a good movie, and quite possibly has the most interesting and unique shot I have seen in a movie for a long time. It's a long take but done in an interesting and memorable way. Plus all the non-diegetic dialogue brought some good humor to the film, which I always appreciate. An interesting and odd choice for a review but it held some good surprises for me and was just what I needed. One more movie, so let's keep up the weird!

Monday, April 16, 2018

Suicide Squad Hell To Pay

Well that was interesting.

The new animated Suicide Squad movie, DC's 4th unnecessary R-rated movie. Yeah, yeah, I pick on their R movies but mostly it's useless and not much has changed this time around. But regardless, it's a decent movie and while granted Assault On Arkham was better in my eyes (despite the rampant fanservice), I still enjoyed and had fun with Hell To Pay. This time around, the Squad is delving into the more occult corners of the DC universe chasing after a literal get out of hell free card for Amanda Waller, while battling off Randall Savage, and Reverse Flash, while meeting more obscure characters in the DC library like Dr. Fate and Knockout. And really how bad can a movie be where the Suicide Squad goes on a mission in a Winnebago van? I feel the trailer was a bit misleading though, it set up this Quentin Tarantino Grindhouse look and feel and the movie didn't deliver. True it delivered ridiculous amounts of blood and violence, but beyond that the R rating did not need to be put here. Beyond one brief glance of a naked lady it could have been PG-13 like the last one! Sorry, sorry, I rant about this but you know I am right! Urgh, moving on. Cast is good like always, though Tara didn't sound that healthy this time around but I hope she's okay, all the characters were done correctly and we got some new team members which I appreciate, there was no nonsense or added side stories, though some story elements were kinda dropped but they did a good job. The animation still holds their normal quality, it was cool seeing the Squad go beyond Gotham or Central City and surprisingly no Bat in sight this time round but this movie doesn't need Bruce, it delved into more obscure and lesser known characters which of course I must commend, the story was interesting and engaging from beginning to end, all the cast was good as always, it ties in with another movie I reviewed from the DC animated library, so I give it....3 stars, check it out. We got some more new movies that just hit video so stick around for those and it's always good to meet up with the Squad again.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Hannibal: Season 3

Hannibal always makes my life happy when I watch it.

The (hopefully not) last season of one of my favorite shows of all time. What's interesting about this season is, it combines story elements from both the movie Hannibal and Red Dragon. The first half is Will on the hunt for Hannibal after the grisly end of the last season in Florence, and the second half takes place three years later with Hannibal incarcerated and aiding Will in the case of Francis Dolarhyde. It's difficult to say which part is better, but I feel the Red Dragon half is better because the first half wraps up all the story threads from last season so you can fully focus on what is happening. But....the best part, arguably in the whole series is as simple of a scene as you can get, but it's perfect. It's after Will has been hunting Hannibal for awhile, gathering information about Hannibal's past and the two of them sit in an art gallery and discuss their relationship and where they stand. Dear sweet Christmas it is perfect. I can't even nitpick that scene! I almost say watch this season just for that scene but I do highly suggest you stick around until the very end. It was sad to hear this show got cancelled but at least it had a conclusion, it wasn't a Firefly situation and I desperately want it back in my life. The characters are wonderful, it goes less psychological in terms of hallucinations and dreams but the artistic elements are full force with allegory, metaphors, and symbolism. Every episode has something worthy of framing and hanging on your wall. Granted, the only bad thing I can say is I barely like any of the characters. Besides Will and Hannibal, everyone else has gotten bitter and super bitchy (and that's putting it nicely) and I'm really hoping for their death. But even I have to say poor Chilton gets brutalized so much it's almost sad. Almost. It is super nifty to see these potrayals of characters in familiar settings like in the movies. It's like watching the movies again from a new perspective. It's a great series and always makes me smile only the way a cannabalistic serial killer smiles. And yeah, remember how I said Game Of Thrones ain't got nothing on the previous finale? Even I'm 100% sure they don't play the clip show of the Red Wedding time and time again in the next season! So you get to relive that emotional trauma again and again, joy of joys. But all jokes aside, it's a sad but good ending for a show that will come back and I will be ready a thousand times over to see Hannibal again.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Hannibal: Season 2

I blame you Bryan Fuller for making me feel emotions!!

After long, long last we return to Hannibal. I know it's a matter of opinion which season of this show is the best, but to me it's this one. Every facet and aspect of season 1 has been built upon, expanded, and improved. Hannibal is the only show I've seen where it knows it is a visual medium and takes it to incredible levels. It's such a rich series, with beautiful cinematography, editing, and compositing. You know how you go into a bookstore and they have these huge books, "The Art Of (insert title here"? Whether it be Blade Runner 2049, or Ghost In The Shell it has purpose and meaning, not everything deserves a book solely devoted to the art of that particular subject. But Hannibal does! It deserves practically an Academy Award, I've seen entire films that don't take such time and effort into visuals as one 45 minute episode of this show does. Needless to say I do love it very much, but why? It takes liberties with the stories but doesn't insult it, the characters are still as they should be and are tweaked slightly but it's to enhance the story they are telling, every case is interesting in it's own demented macabre way although more emphasis is on the overall story than just the case of the week. In fact, there's only one thing I can nitpick at and it's at a character thst I despise! Freddie Lounds, oh boy do I hate this lady. Now I'm sure her actress is a lovely lady, but this know exactly the kind I refer to. It's the character you so desperately wish to die and yet they persist on and on, she is the bane of my existence and she should be dead five times over or more! It seems she meets a serial killer everyday before brunch and yet comes completely unscathed every single time. I just don't understand. But it's kinda the point, you're supposed to hate her. But I seriously digress. Because we have good characters, great characters, slightly campy characters, and dumb characters. Not to bash the story but there are some lapses in good judgement to carry the story on. But ehat is the story you might ask? Well, Will Graham has been incarcerated for multiple murders seen in the last season and he desperately tries to prove his innocence for at least half the season but he soon gets out and sets his sights on taking Hannibal down but still holds a deep bond with him that could prove disasterous to his life. Of course Hugh Dancy and Mads Mikkelsen are still top form as always, bringing depth to the characters while expanding on their previous performances. And yes, I do ship murder husbands. And the ending is rough. It is emotional. You can keep your red wedding Game Of Thrones fans, it's like they watched that epsiode and said, let's make it harder to watch. And they do. Now I don't watch Game Of Thrones and that was a suspenseful and hard thing to watch, but this makes it more emotional and graphic to be honest. I never saw much blood even though those stabbings man. Jesus. But this tops it, it's heartbreaking before the blood starts pouring. It is not suspense, but emotional breakage that it focuses on. It's rough man, and yet it still holds more than just shock value, the music is gorgeous and the visuals are unforgettable, and it just ends with you desperately wanting more. Which saddens me even further how the show goes, but that is a discussion for later this week. Again, not for the squeamish or the passive but still holds much to be admired and loved. I am simply dying for more.

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Pacific Rim Uprising

John Boyega didn't save me.

How did it get worse?! I was walking in with a semi-optimistic view, and I left knowing better than to trust myself. Let's begin. Pacific Rim 2 takes place 10 years after the first, so by my math we are in the early 2020s, following the son of Idris Elba played by John Boyega who is recruited back to train Jaegers when, shock gasp! the kaiju return and he has to clean house. I was so hoping this would redeem the first but it just made it worse! It took the very, very few elements I liked in the first movie and they done fraked it up!! My two favorite characters ruined. One dies, the other turns heel on everybody. Not a good start to win me back after the mess of the first movie! John Boyega couldn't save this movie with his charm and good acting. I don't know what movie has worse characters, probably this one. At least in the first movie there was something there to bitch about, but with this movie there is so little to these characters they might as well not be there. So which is worse, one dimensional characters or characters that have absolutely nothing to take note of? It was like every opportunity they had to make it cool, they just threw away! Oh they got this badass evil mech, it's gonna tear the heroes to pieces! Nope. Oh the mechs get dismembered so they have to rebuild them with parts from the other mechs, sounds cool right? An amalgamation of different robot parts and weapons to create new kickass mechs! No, they just rebuild the ones that were broken. No innovation, no creativity, no thought. And this is the greatest joke of the entire series, well besides the sequel bait at the end. They name the kaiju. Every kaiju in both movies have names. Are you dead sucking ferious right now?? Wow, how did I forget to talk about that last time? How do you name the exact same monster?! They all look the same!! It's not like in Godzilla movies, where you have Jet Jaguar and Mothra! You could not confuse those two! Here? I thought they killed the same kaiju twice! How do you screw this up?! It's giant mechs fighting monsters, do something! Be creative! Be colorful! Be cool! Be (censored) anything!!! I am not reviewing Pacific Rim 3. I refuse. I will quit before such a thing occurs! There was one good thing about going to see this movie. I have a movie theater right down the street from my place, 9 times out of 10 I go to that theater, it's up on top of a hill so I have to climb up to get to the theater and see my movie. I am not making a joke about how the climb was not worth it. After the movie, I started walking down the hill and the skyline was beautiful. That was the only silver lining I could find from seeing this movie. The best thing that came out of that movie was NOT IN THE MOVIE! Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to watch a Godzilla movie and then go into a coma.

Pacific Rim

Oh boy did I call this one all those years ago.

Pacific Rim....has issues. I know, blasphemy! You're saying, "But Dude, it's a movie where giant mechs punch kaiju! How could you of all people not love it??". Well I'm glad you asked person in my head, and I'll tell you. It's not so much the concept, it's fine but more the details of the world. Time for backstory! In 2007, several kaiju have appeared from a dimensional rift in the pacific rim and have cause countless death and destruction, in response the government creates an army of war mechs to battle the monsters for years and years to come. Flash forward about 5 years where we meet one of the pilots returning to the field after the death of his brother to fight the kaiju once again! That is a synopsis, but as I said the devil is in the details. Now the minute I saw you needed two people to practically be synchronized fighters to pilot this mech, I had several questions and found it to be utterly stupid. I was correct, and I got not so great answers. So why does there need to be 2 pilots? Well the strain of piloting a war mech apparently is in the vein of Neon Genesis Evangelion because a single pilot can be overstrained and die due to mental breakdown and exhaustion. Yes, their brains turn to soup if they pilot a robot alone. Okay. So how do the pilots sync up to perform a single action? Mind meld. I....Jesus H. Christ on the bloody cross. This is the detail that breaks the movie's back! It's not like in Power Rangers where 5 people control all the limbs which made sense, they needed to communicate to coordinate attacks. There is so much bullshit to this system I need to rant, so get ready. It's gonna be loooong. This is so stupid I cannot believe it. You need 2 people to pilot a war mech, because one person cannot take the mental strain....? It looks purely physical, I don't think you need much brain capacity to pilot such a machine. Just as long as you know how to fight and know the controls, you're good! But no! You need 2 pilots to sync the same movements to pilot this thing! What?! The robots can't even kick! They are essentialy rock em' - sock em' robots, because all they can do is punch or shoot! And then there is the mind meld thing! You need two people, mainly siblings to pilot this thing because they need to have a "connection" through memories and experiences. So you can't even get a regular kind of anybody to pilot these things because they need to have shared memories and experiences. I am facepalming, and it hurts! So if say one of them died, well tough cookies we gotta get someone else! The slightest bit of thought and the movie comes crashing down like a skyscraper. Oh and this killed me! So our main character meets this girl and they talk and blah, blah, blah (we'll get to the characters in a minute!) and he asks her to spar with him. So they spar and he proclaims and shouts from the mountaintops that they have a connection so she should be his co-pilot. Hwhat?? You have known each other for maybe 5 days if I was being generous, and you have this "connection" enough to work with? This isn't like in Star Wars, where Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade have known each other for years and connected through the Force so much that they knew each other completely, and can fight incredibly without even uttering a word to one another! No! You do not get to do that movie! No!! Oh my God this movie sucks. It's terrible. Oh and now we gotta do the characters! So we got our main character Raleigh, he lost his brother. That's it. That's his character, he pilots a mech and lost his brother. Next! We have his co-pilot and kinda love interest Mako, who I swear is the only good character because she has an arc! She was a little girl who lost her family, her home, and everything she knew so she wants justice or revenge on all kaiju for taking her life away. That's a good character! She doesn't go full Ahab, but she has the passion and drive to fight these creatures. Oh but I'm sorry, Idris Elba holds her back. Why? I don't know! Cause Mako is all like, "Daddy can I go outside and play monsters with the boys?" and Idris Elba is all, "No my child, you must stay inside and learn self control or some bullcrap even though you are perfectly capable of kicking ass." and that's his character! Just some hard ass stand in for either a police commisioner or an army sergeant who yells at our hero. Idris Elba, no! You're better! Oh God, there's more. Their system is so flawed.....okay, so turns out if you have any kind of trauma or PTSD like our two leads have, it can have catastrophic consequences because they freak out and the robot thusly freaks out. Brilliant. There's more horrible one dimensional characters but I honestly don't feel like talking about them. I have a headache and I need alcohol and pills. Even the kaiju aren't cool! They all look the same! How do you do that?? The robots look cool, I guess but it makes me long for the Megazord or some of the later Mechagodzillas you see in the Heisei and the Millenium series. I guess giant robot movies are dead. They can't make a good one. Transformers butchered it, and now Pacific Rim is putting nails in the coffin. I would rather watch Transmorphers, at least that had Bruce Boxleitner! Oh damn it, now I gotta review the second one. John Boyega save me!!!

Sunday, April 1, 2018

In Retrospect: The Last Jedi

Well they finally did it. They killed my fraking movie series.

The Last Jedi has ruined Star Wars forever. Worst movie like, ever!! How dare Rian Johnson make a Star Wars movie that didn't go exactly the way my fan theories and fan fiction went! Every single layer of this film has forever tainted Star Wars not unlike the glorious prequels! Like all those plot threads that didn't turn out the way I wanted, even though they have great potential for payoff in the next movie, like Rey's past or the killing of the Supreme Leader. And don't even get me started on the characters! You're telling me after 30 years of God knows what after Return Of The Jedi, Luke Skywalker has just walked away from everything including the Force, even though several terrible events besides the corruption of his nephew could have happened and made him actually take the religion of the Jedi into question and denouncement?? I'm sorry, he's just not my Luke Skywalker. And Leia flying through space like she's Mary Poppins? What were they smoking? Even though she could have learned and undertook years of Jedi training from Luke before returning to politics and giving birth to Ben. Pfft, 0/10! Rian Johnson has ruined my childhood and my favorite movie series!!! Ughhhh and Rose is seriously the worstest thing evar! The stupidest and most annoying character since Jar Jar Binks, despite she was given decent character development and insight during that relatively short Canto Bight scene that took up maybe 10 minutes but I hate it regardless because it took up waaaaaay too much time from the movie! God it felt like half the movie man!! This movie totally blows and Disney has killed and whored out Star Wars thanks to Kathleen Kennedy, one of the most prolific and successful producers on movies like, E.T., Back To The Future, Schindler's List, and Who Framed Roger Rabbit! What a hack!! I could have made this movie better even though I have absolutely no idea on even the first step of making a movie! And even though despite the movie taking bold risks, having good character development, kick ass action, gorgeous cinematography, and a surprisingly good story that has yet to be fully told I hate this movie! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!! George Lucas should come back and do a special edition of this movie and fix everything while shoving more CGI into every frame! This is the worst Star Wars movie since The Empire Strikes Back because it was soooo boring! There wasn't nearly enough lightsabers in that movie to make it cool! I am so done with this series, it's like not even real bro. I refuse to watch Episode 9 despite it telling a story that can make this movie great! 0/10 stars, booooo! You suck Star Wars!!

Seriously though, relax. It's fine.