Uncharted

Well there I go again, beating my record this time in forgetting to post a review. I may be getting too old for this.

Now I will state, I have never played Uncharted, I know nothing about Uncharted, my knowledge extends to Nathan Drake is a treasure hunter and the gameplay style is a run and gun type with wild setpieces. That's it. So going in this blind would be an understatement, how was it to the uninitiated eye? I thought it was decent, I found the movie very well paced and the story of not just finding gold but possibly reconnecting with Nathan's long lost brother was a strong one for me. I mean the movie practically is Indiana Jones for the modern age and Tom Holland though even an odd choice of casting for myself does a good job with the material and it shows a young and learning Nathan coming into his own so I thought he handled all that well. Marky Mark is a complete asshole and it's great, playing a constantly lying and two timing mentor to Nathan named Sully, he's such a wise ass but a very likable one which I appreciate. Antonio Banderas as a villain somewhat worked for me, because I know him to be more hero orientated and is a nice fella so while the menace didn't fall flat his character was just sorta there. I suppose I was somewhat right in calling the character of Chloe played by Sophia Ali, who I fully 100% pinned as a heel turn and she definitely filled that part but in the end is just as two timing as Sully and just wants to come out on top while working in tandem with our crew. Now Tati Gabrielle knocks it out of the park in my opinion cause I truly did not like her character and that's the whole point, she's a villain and a smug bastard at that so her acting for this role 10/10! Again, I'm not sure if specific elements of the games were adapted or if they crafted something new but it's a decent treasure hunt film and it genuinely did make me interested to play all the games and find out why they are so popular and loved. So hey, it wasn't a total waste. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and it's probably a terrific time to get my hands on all these games for reasonable prices.

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Guys this was the pickup that I needed.

This was like having a delicious meal after swirling bleach in my mouth. Guardians 2 was a pile of ass. But we have better things to talk about! Spider-Man Homecoming is a mighty fine movie in the series, may possibly be the 2nd or 3rd best Marvel movie I've seen. Tom Holland probably stole a lot of people's hearts in Civil War and seeing him in his own solo movie is every bit wonderful as you think it is, I know a lot of people hold Tobey Maguire near and dear to their hearts and he ain't bad but I would say Tom is my favorite. His energy, line delivery, and personality is incredibly spot on and it's gonna be great seeing him again. I like the story, it's a very sort of back to basics film where the stakes aren't incredibly high and it's more about the hero's arc than the conflict showcased in the film with teenage Peter Parker after being recruited by Tony in Civil War is trying to prove his mettle to be a part of the Avenger's while still doing his everyday teenage things. It's very simple but it works very well. Finally some good f***ing villain material, and who else gets that honor except Michael Keaton? No joke I was considering watching this movie in theaters solely because of Michael Keaton being in it, and he did not disappoint! I find it cool that they brought a more crazy villain like Vulture and gave it a somewhat believable retooling, I think the costume design is great and his motivation mainly being to provide for his family by selling experimental weapons is an interesting one. Granted I could severly argue how anybody knows how to make such advanced tech, but whatever I'm just happy to see him in the movie. I find it kind of odd though how they handled Spider-Man, did he get bitten by a radioactive spider or not? Cause he's super strong, can take hits that would smash people's bones into jelly, can do really impressive acrobatic movements, but he doesn't have the spidey sense or the organic web. Make up your mind movie, you can't have it both ways! You can't have him doing these impossible feats but still have him be a normal kid who makes the webshooters. It doesn't make a lick of sense! Those were really the two biggest problems I had with the movie, was the tech. Yes, Peter's best friend is kind of annoying but he genuinely got me to laugh a few times so I'll give you points for making him feel like an actual teenage friend. Yes, it follows a few too many high school movie tropes and cliches. Yes the love interest was meaningless, but I liked Michelle better or as I affectionately called her in the movie Best Girl, she's just a cool kid who didn't spout any bullshit and was way more interesting. We better get more of her. It's certainly one of the more funny movies but when the action needs to hit they do a good job, still doing a lot of things for real and not always having a CG Spidey jumping around. And was I the only one who was kinda uncomfortable with how they did Aunt May? Now do not get me wrong, I do not think Aunt May always has to be this silver haired elderly lady, and Marisa Tomei really and truly was an emotional highlight of the film but when I first heard and only heard about her it all boiled down to, "This chick is hawt, MILF alert!" and I just figured that's the internet being it's usual pervy self but no! Everybody is hitting on May and I'm just like, Jesus H. Christ people Marisa Tomei is undoubtedly a very beautiful lady but can you calm your raging erections for five lousy minutes? It just bothered me. But honestly, I very much enjoyed the film. There was one point where I kinda screamed, partly due to shock and partly due to me being a fanboy, if you know the twist scene you know what I'm talking about. I had no idea it was going to happen and I flipped. I can't even recall the last movie that had that effect on me, this really did put me in a good mood and I friggin' needed it. Bad. I'm not fully sure if Tom is completely onboard over at Disney, because I felt it was such a shitty massive c*** move from Sony to put this guy through so much when he genuinely wanted to keep doing this role, so I really hope all is well and he can keep doing what he loves to do, that should be a given right to any actor. But this was a fun, very entertaining movie. 3 stars from me, 7.5/10! And tomorrow, I guess I get Cate Blanchette being a total goddess (as always) and more Hulk. Groovy.

Captain America: Civil War

I think the Russo brothers really just love bringing us the darker hard hitting stuff.

Compared to the other Marvel movies Civil War is the most serious and hard edged entry, and the changes from the source material I feel are mostly for the better. So instead of a superhero registration where all the known superheroes have to reveal their identities and work for the U.S. government, Tony and Steve are on opposite sides of the spectrum for an accord where the Avengers stop acting as a unilateral force and essentially become the errand boys of the United Nations after a debacle in Nigeria. Tony is all for it because he wants to keep protecting the world in the confines of the law and supports being accountable for their actions. Which on one hand I fully understand, there's a lot of collateral damage and deaths in their operations and Tony does not want to seem higher above the people he wants to protect cause he acknowledges the death toll and wants to do something about it. But here's the thing, in a perfect world the Avengers could save everybody. They could defeat the villains and not one hair on everybody's head would be damaged. But...that's not how it is, you can save millions if not billions of people but thousands could still die indirectly of their actions. That sucks, that's f***ing terrible, but it is what happens. No amount of government oversight could change that. But Steve isn't better either, he says screw the system because they could control everything about them and even call them off from saving lives which goes against the entire perogative of The Avengers, they would be puppets of the world's governments. It's fascinating to see these guys swap roles, but honestly after the events of The Winter Soldier I can understand why Steve is against this idea. And they clash. They call in almost everybody we've seen so far and even bring in a new face with Peter Parker, which I have to say after hearing all about the total bullshit Tom has put up with in this series it's great to see him in the role at last and I'm happy he's still around. The fights are pretty good, but truthfully the story and dilemma is what got me most invested, it's a bleak and dire situation for the Avengers and everybody is just trying to do the right thing, the same aspect that made me really like The Winter Soldier. Now I know there's people out there who just want to see shit explode and watch superheroes do battle, that's fine, comic books are escapist fiction, not every comic book movie has to be like The Dark Knight, but when a comic book movie puts so much very well constructed emphasis on a more internal dilemma and the character's emotions and their own world views it genuinely does make for a compelling and really good story! The Winter Soldier and Civil War are honestly tied for my favorite Marvel movie because of this factor. Sure the movie has flaws, the villain is so transparent he borders on invisible in terms of story, yeah I kept forgetting who the people were in the story who were not the superheroes, yeah Spider-Man was very quickly slapped into the story, yeah it should have ended at two hours in and not kept going for another 30 minutes but it still turned out to be a really good movie. I feel like the best comic book movies are actually ones that ascend past the genre, Michael Keaton's Batman, Christopher Reeve's first Superman movie, Watchmen, The Dark Knight, Wonder Woman, The Winter Soldier, Civil War, all are damn good comic book movies but they go beyond just being a comic book movie and can be looked at as just a movie. That's not an insult, film is film, but they give that much more to really give the genre more respect and validity, and not just be kid movie bullshit that's just entertainment fluff. Yeah it's still awesome seeing Captain America and Iron Man square off, and Batman fighting the Joker, and there is never anything wrong with that. I'm a comic book lover now and forever, but also a film critic. And in my opinion Civil War gets a solid 3.5 stars, 7.5/10! Good news everybody, the Doctor is in tomorrow.

Onward

God this hurts to say.

I feel a bit disillusioned with Disney and Pixar lately, and Onward hasn't exactly helped. Now I am not saying this movie is bad, because it's not. The animation is quite good and can look atmospheric at times, the characters are very basic but the performances help out a bit, the story while predictable at times isn't a half bad story, and while the humor didn't get me too hard I got a good laugh at a few instances. But Onward is just sorta, ehhhh it's okay. If I'm being brutally honest, this would not make it in the top half of my favorite Pixar movies. In fact since we're doing this and I mean I am going to level with you 120%, this is not a movie you go see in theaters. This is a movie you rent, or buy bargain priced a year or two after the film is released and watch it maybe once every 4 or so years. And I wasn't expecting an amazing film, I've explained this before so don't say, well you went in with too high of expectations because it's Pixar. Far from it. I saw the trailers, it looked average but could have potential to be a really good if not great movie, but it just fell flat for me. It's not bad, it's okay. And that just sucks to say about a movie from Pixar. In fact you know when I last watched a Pixar film and absolutely loved it? Inside Out, and that was in 2015. And the Disney proper films have not been much better for me, I haven't seen every film they've released in the last decade in fact there's probably films that would reinvigorate my love for Disney movies, but it looks grim now. But Onward is a decent movie, it's not a wholly original setting but the story works, it has nice moments, the mom is easily the best character in the movie period and always held my attention when she was on screen, the animation is nice with some of the best CG hair I've seen and if you know anything about animation it's that hair is damn near impossible to look really good, I can appreciate it for what it did but as of now this was kind of a run of the mill family film for me. 3 stars, 7/10, maybe I'm talking straight out of my ass Jim Carrey style but it's how I felt. When the movie ended and credits rolled, I didn't feel much, I wasn't happy or sad or even kind of mad, it was just adequate. But believe me I'll take adequate over bad everytime. So take from it what you will, if you wanna see it by all means go, but all I'm saying is you can wait.

Fright Night (1985)

I know it's a cult movie, and I love many cult movies but this movie kinda fell flat on me.

Fright Night is by no means a bad film but it is not the grand cult classic I have heard about. It's just okay. How's the acting? It's okay, doesn't really star anybody. How's the music? It's okay. How are the special effects? Practical but well done. How's the story? It's okay. The movie to me is just one big giant ball of adequateness. But then again, Big Trouble In Little China another cult movie, when I first saw it I thought it was just okay. But then I watched it again a few years later and now I'm a friggin' geek for it! So maybe I just have to watch it again over time, but this film did nothing for me. It's a slow paced movie clocking in at almost two hours, and the big final battle takes 30 minutes of the film. Okay, so what's the story? A guy believes his next door neighbor is in fact a bloodsucking beast of the night, so he employs the help of a actor who plays a vampire killer on television to help destroy the monster. Not a bad premise, and now I am really damn curious as to what the remake is like. Now again, Fright Night is not a bad movie, I thought it was okay. I'm not going to watch it every Halloween and I'm not not ever going to watch it again. I will watch it again but all in due time. God this was a bit of a downer and as Fate would have it long before I watched the movie, I set up another vampire movie to review the very next week. And it is an awesome vampire movie! One of the best ever! So I cannot express my joy as to watching and reviewing that classic horror movie. So join me next week, and see if Fright Night is up your alley sometime. I hope you like it.