Garfield's Halloween Adventure

I know, shocking it took this long right?

Yet another seminal classic that I just never watched or knew of until into my adult years, which is funny because I was a Garfield fan in my youth to the point where my Nan would mail me the comic strips she cut out of the paper every few months. So yeah I feel like a major ass not reviewing or seeing this sooner. But I can safely say despite my lateness this is a real fun special, essentially amounting to Garfield picking out a costume and going trick or treating with Odie when it gets spooooky after an old ghost story is told to them. I mean if you had a checklist of Halloween goodness it damn near checks every box. Costume picking, tricks or treats, pumpkin carving, ghost stories, seeing other people's costumes out on the dark streetlight filled neighborhoods, it literally is just missing that exquisite autumn atmosphere we love so dearly on this show. I don't really think I need to tell you about the greatness that is Lorenzo Music as Garfield, the man is a legend for this alone perfectly encapsulating not just Garfield but I feel all cats in my opinion, as his greed for candy and dry humor makes this endlessly entertaining. However I will spotlight C. Lindsay Workman as the scary storyteller who has this unbelievable voice almost akin to James Earl Jones who just makes this small story about pirate treasure memorable, and I feel to a certain generation namely mine and the one before us I think if not all of us most of us have heard of or encountered a scary neighbor, not a bad neighbor or even a harmful neighbor, just someone who lived near you that kinda scared you. Again, capturing that childlike innocence with such ease that we may have forgotten about or took for granted as we grew up. This is the quintessential short but sweet special, not even 25 minutes with credits, and despite my lack of intelligence to summarize why Garfield is so entertaining there's a reason this is looked back on fondly and I have less than zero problem fully recommending it. Hell I could even see this is as the perfect special to watch before you dash out the door, adorned in costume, ready to take on the town for tricks or treats under the moonlit night. And that's pretty fucking awesome. 3.5 stars from me, 8/10, and we got just one more that I don't hear a great many talk about so I'll catch you next time.

The Halloween That Almost Wasn't

I knew we were gonna get to this eventually, and what a cracking way to get into the season!

I'm not really sure if I can call this a cult classic since though I have indeed heard some people bring it up it fits more a minor oddity of the season's past. Clocking it at less than half an hour this very simple yet lovingly produced special involves all the famous monsters of filmland trying to preserve this most treasured and literally hallowed holiday by trying to convince a witch to commence her annual fly through the moonlit sky while she is ready to call it quits. And for a television special from 1979 I have to admit they did a good job with everything, the sets are very nicely done and show some scale, the costuming is the epitome of classic, the writing genuinely got some chuckles out of me, and I got to give credit where credit is sorely due to the simple fact that they lore drop some of the original traditions of Halloween and what they are today 4 years before Season Of The Witch and that gets them at least half a star! The cast are clearly having fun with this especillay in the case of Judd Hirsch and Mariette Hartley who do have the most time to shine. Judd does a pretty damn great Bela Lugosi impression and got the most laughs out of me, in fact if I may be so bold I think this specific iteration of the character is the basis for Hotel Transylvania. Watch it and prove me wrong! Mariette has a lot of sass and self-worth, and I was fully on her side when she said she was tired of being a witch, not getting that much recognition when she literally heralds the most special of days, and hey a woman who wants to disco dance every Friday has my heart. Henry Gibson as Igor was a treat too, with a very eloquent british accent to break up the monotony of other hunchback assistants and his sycophantic attitude towards the Count combined with his cunning plans were nice character touches. I can totally see why this was broadcasted on the Disney Channel for 13 years ending in 1996, it's a perfect Halloween special for young kids who want some light entertainment. But neither does it ham up or treat the audience stupidly, it truly does just do it's own thing and invites you to have fun with it. I truly enjoyed it and got a good couple of chuckles and exclaimated "Ha's" throughout, it takes you back to a much more innocent time and with the right kind of eyes you might even get a little emotionally invested near the end. You know what it's like? It's like a school play that's well made and you can tell the actor's are trying, and despite whatever small shortcomings it has and yes it's no masterpiece you can value and appreciate it a good deal. I probably won't watch it every year but I also got something to add to my ever growing list of Halloween goodness to watch, and how could that ever be a bad thing? I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, and we got a classic animated special next time.

Forgotten Island

Alright Dreamworks you're not out of the game yet.

I admittedly didn't quite know what to expect from Forgotten Island even with seeing the trailer once or twice, it just looked like an entertaining very beautiful animated film and I was down to see it. What I got instead was a pretty damn good family film with kind of a monumental message for young kids and while the emotional tale laid before me didn't sucker punch me in the feels I not only respected it but admired it. The story follows two young girls who grow up together brought up on tales of a magical land when on their last night before the upheaval of college, they're thrown into this wild world and essentially it almost turns into a kid version of The Hangover as they desperately try to piece together what exactly happened so they can get back home. The film is centered entirely on this friendship between Jo and Raissa which could mean that the film is either made or break based on that, but I think they handled it great! You see a progression with them not just from spaz kids to young adults but how they see each other, how they affect each other's lives, how they are human and make mistakes that hurt one another, and that's a pretty big thing for an animated film. Gabriella Wilson better known as artist HER plays Jo who frankly could have my whole heart and I'd never ask for it back, she's so full of energy and kind of a unapologetic dork that is the more rebellious and outspoken of the group. While Liza Soberano as Raissa starts out more as the introspective nerd who is the voice of reason aa Jo gradually gets her to come out of her shell and be herself, so they got an opposites attract thing going on and it really works. Both performances are about as sturdy as durasteel, you get these characters, you like seeing them hang out, you feel for them when they speak from the heart, and I think it's wonderful. But! And oh my is this the biggest but! What pushes it so above and beyond at least in terms of the writing is the messages woven throughout regarding memory, friendship, life, and how nothing lasts forever is kinda jaw dropping. To be maybe depressingly real with you guys, I don't have a very good memory. I'm bad with names, I can't remember what I did three days ago, there's entire years of my life I just can't recall. So when the prospect of our main characters potentially losing treasured moments, the importance the film projects on not only holding onto memories but making more, the most basest of fact that memories shape your life...it was difficult not to appreciate it. I mean to a old bastard like me that's huge but to a kid, you know a single digit child watching this that could be astronomical, something that could stay with them for decades. It kinda steals your breath away. And yeah, sometimes the movie kinda ping pongs with tone and mood, not to a damaging status but certainly noticeable, but even then it doesn't diminish what the film is conveying. The animation is un-friggin'-believable, it made me just think holy fuckaroli we have come a long ass way since Toy Story. The colors, the motion, the heavily anime inspired reactions and art style at times, like goddamn this movie is gorgeous! Might even be the best animated film I've seen in a good while from here in the West to be fair, like sweet babeh jeezus! It's pretty damn funny too, it probably speaks to my early 2000s humor and soul but most of the jokes got a good laugh out of me! It can have a moment but it's not afraid to get wild and offbeat either. So the story is rock solid, the performances are great, the production is reaching the heavens, and whatever grumbles I might have with it can be looked past. I can see this being a influential and timeless story decades in the future for this generation and I can indeed recommend it. I give it 3 stars, 8/10, and ohhhh next week is where the fun truly begins on this show!

Primetime

You only have me for so much longer A24 so savor it while it lasts.

I will come clean 110%, I heard about this movie in passing and didn't really think it was for me until about 3 weeks ago, when I saw the trailer before Onslaught and that trailer alone made me want to see this movie. Now...did the trailer perfectly encapsulate the film? Nnnnno, it looked like a mix of psychological thriller and a police procedural, just mental as shit. The movie is kinda half and half between a slightly fictionalized look at the To Catch A Predator series and then we go to Denton, and it becomes an A24 movie. Granted the focus is on Chris Hansen and a decoy by the name of Dan Plum as they navigate quite possibly the most difficult show to ever film, as we build up to the suicide stinger that got the show canned back in the day. Robert you absolute madman I love you to bits, and it is fascinating watching this performance cause like I said it goes by the numbers and then as we near closer to the end it gets out there, and it without a doubt is an exaggeration of Chris but I'm so invested in the plot and was really having fun with Pattinson's acting to where I didn't really care. Skyler I feel has the most dramatic of roles to play as this regular actor who doesn't even know what show he's auditioning for as he has to condition himself to confront these horrific people and how Chris slightly guides/utilizes him for these arrests. Merritt Wever as the producer Andie took me awhile to grasp what she was laying down as this aloof, deadpan voiced, pretty much head honcho of the show but I got it by the end. And this is gonna sound weird as shit, I know it's probably just me but this movie kinda got some laughs out of me. It's not super on the nose comedy but it has these almost for lack of a better term, self-aware moments where if you really take a step back and look at the situation it's fairly ridiculous and it got some chuckles outta me. Go figure! Now this takes place in 2006, I was 11 at the time, I didn't have an opinion on whether the series was sensationalist television or anything like that cause it was so far off my radar it practically didn't exist. Now, yeah it's a fair bit obvious that the show did not have to exist for these operations to go into effect, and whether or not it made a dent in pedophilia or forced them to be more subtle and crafty I couldn't say and will leave that to more intelligent minds. I'm just here to tell you what I think about the movie and I really liked it! It certainly has no problem showcasing the zeitgeist of that era which I get a kick out of, every goddamn movie is 80s this or 70s that, it is going to be a fucking trip when we start getting early 2000s nostalgia in our movies man. But the production was sharp from the damn good cinematography, the more artsy lighting, the rock solid direction, the acting, it all worked and worked very well. It's an interesting movie to say the least and it likely won't work for everybody but I can give it an odd recommendation. Just see it cause this is one of those movies where you can only judge it for yourself. For me I give it 3.5 stars, 8/10, and we are shifting gears hard fucking core tomorrow.

BONUS: Onslaught

Okay yeah Adria wielding a chainsaw can get anyone in a theater.

This felt like a tremendous throwback movie from the 80s and as I recount the plot you'll see what I mean. So basically three supersoldiers crafted by a bootlicking natzi scientist escape containment and start wreaking havoc and death in a small New Mexico town putting them in the crosshairs of a military veteran who wouldn't you know it has custody of her daughter right before the shit royally hits the fan. It sounds almost Cannon-esque and yeah man it's pretty exploitative, with bloody gruesome deaths, a random scene of fairly strong nudity, a pretty no frills and no questions asked plot, it reeks of an old school action script just made with modern techniques. Of course Adria has my whole heart and it's been a minute since I've rooted for a movie character this hard, she's got trauma from being a soldier, she's a mom trying her best, and when mama bear goes off I can't help but love it. She pretty much carries the film but there's some solid supporting cast in tow. The man and legend Reginald VelJohnson who I haven't seen in the longest time plays a veteran neighbor of hers and my God do I love that man to bits, such a joy to see him in this even if it's just a small role! Blake Kennedy ho mah gawd is the cutest sweetest girl I swear, yeah I'd knife a motherfucker in the face to keep her safe without question, she did a great job and this mother/daughter duo was wonderful. Drew Starkey is a bit of a wild card in the mix playing a government operator who is on the hunt for the supersoldiers as well, and I do feel there was supposed to be more to this character that most likely ended up on the cutting room floor but he plays it very well regardless. The supersoldiers themselves lead by a man only known as The Butcher played by Alex Pereira are effectively brutal and have this almost Barrow-Wight soldier look to them, and man oh man is it cathartic to see them get ded. Adam Wingard our guy who helmed the Godzilla and Kong films brings such a style from minute one, and holy shit might have brought the most scathing anti-authoritative opening credits scene to a film I have ever seen so the man has my respect for that, with great use of angles and as typical with his movies a varied soundtrack. Also have to give a shoutout to Matt Pusti who really fucking brought it with the score, I had no idea synthesizers could be that goddamn heavy and when the metal music kicks in you're half expecting the Doom Slayer to round the corner and start annihilating, so big thumbs up for you sir! The pacing is short and sweet, this movie is less than 90 minutes not counting credits but does a damn good job setting everything up while still injecting it's own type of character and style in the filmmaking. And it works! You feel the unquiet and shock seeing people just get gunned down like a dog in the streets, you get invested with this woman, you fucking seethe at these government types likes the asswipes they are, so it's a highly effective and good movie. No means a genre defying masterpiece, but a rock solid film nonetheless. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, and now the work truly begins in earnest after this. I'll catch y'all near the tail end of the month!

Legend

This is the one that hurts the most personally.

I think it's no secret Tim was a treasure to behold and has been an almost lifelong favorite actor of mine, and I've never seen this movie and really only heard little bits and pieces through the years so it was a unique experience. Dear sweet Satan below though, can there ever just be a Ridley Scott movie with one damn cut? It was a journey in and of itself researching the 3 versions, hell I pretty much watched two of them for this review! I saw the U.S. cut and the european cut and goddammit both are a little bit of a mixed bag so I can't even say there's a definitive version, and I didn't even touch the near two and half hour version for the sake of brevity. But before we get wrapped up in the details let's talk plot. It is undoubtedly and positively high fantasy through and through, concerning a young princess embroiled in the machinations of his most infernal majesty who wishes to plunge the world in unending darkness as an unlikely hero rises to save his love and the idyllic world as well. Doesn't sound that far off from the most quintessential of fairy tales and that was without a doubt the goal for Ridley Scott and how the film is presented only pounds that truth to almost the center of the earth. Now production wise it is a visual feast of the most epic proportions, the sets are absurdly big and very involved with so much set dressing and props it would make the most die hard theater kids drool, the costuming is rich but not super flashy, the music in my personal opinion is better with the Tangerine Dreams soundtrack instead of the Jerry Goldsmith score though zero offense to Jerry, and I'll say this up front the editing is way WAY better in the european cut than the american cut which seems choppy and disjointed at times. You wouldn't think four minutes would make a tremendous difference between versions but it gives a better pace and rhythm for the scenes. I will fully admit Tim is the highlight of the film and is the biggest drawing factor, which is funny because he's really not that prevalent in the story I'd be surprised if we even get 25 minutes of him on screen but it's all in the presence and the un-fucking-believable prosthetics by Rob Bottin a king of 80s special effects. Like I'm sorry but if my choices were long haired pretty boy Tom Cruise or 7 foot tall, deep voiced, smitten Tim Curry...I guess I'm just gonna be the devil's lapdog and don't save me. I double dare you not to be enthralled by his performance and magnetism! Tim is glorious but we all know that already! Mia Sara as the princess Lily is very lovely, a true pure soul who tries to put things right and she does very very well even if it isn't exactly the deepest role and my God did she get a glow up when she's all evil queen which was wonderful. Tom Cruise, oh boy where do I start? Now do I think he did a terrible job? No. Do I think he was the right fit for the role? Also no! And apparently he was less than thrilled himself with the film and vowed never to do something like this again and stayed true to his word to this day, but hey man it was veryyyy early in his career and the fact he got Top Gun after this cemented his career. It's a decent film and considering fantasy was pretty much box office arsenic in the 80s, and yeah the film is bursting with style and beauty yet kinda lax on plot, but it no doubt has grown a cult following in the four decades since. I was happy to see it, even if it was twice just so I could compare notes and yeah let's just wrap that little tangent up. I would say go european, but man if I was actually smart and knew how to edit I would make my own fan edit with the longer runtime and the Tangerine Dreams soundtrack incorporated with some particular shots and lines kept in from the american cut. I mean I'm sure it might exist somewhere and hey if you find it drop me a line cause I'd be down for it. It's a little bit of a mess but we'll live anyway. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, last week was fucking bullshit and we need a win more than possibly ever. In fact this might be the last review until the tail end of the month mainly because I got so so much to bring to you next month in the most wonderful time of the year and well I'll need the time to make it all happen. So be good to yourselves, stay safe, and embrace the night.

Transformers The Movie

Til' all are One.

Needless to say that scene hits a hell of a lot harder now. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have heard about this movie and the impact it left, I want to say since around 2007 or 2008 I have heard people talk about this movie from reviews of it, people who collected the action figures, and just the general zeitgeist of the 1980s for those who remember and for those who will never forget so I kinda knew everything about it already and yet...I felt like I knew nothing. Oh sure the big stuff I was very familiar with! The war between Autobots and Decepticons, the arrival of planet killer Unicron, the death of Optimus Prime, the rebirth of Galvatron, The Matrix Of Leadership, yet how all those pieces come together in a story is a different tale entirely. This movie kicks your ass till you spit out your balls from minute one in a non-stop action rampage fuelled by anime style animation and kick fucking ass 80s rock until end credits, it is brutal in so many ways and not just the onslaught of character deaths. Now I am not an encyclopedia of the G1 Transformers though I have watched the original show yet even I know the body count is absurd in this movie! It is NOT one of those movies where we get introduced to a lot of new characters while keeping up with the originals, if anything they scrap the originals to make room for the new ones which I know would be considered sacriligeous to the point of heresy today, but it does make me wonder how people felt about it back in 1986. What people failed to mention was the fact that Optimus gets dead before I almost want to say the 25 minute mark, in fact the pacing is break neck speed and slightly scattered throughout in terms of where characters are, what they're doing, what the next scene is, it makes Rise Of Skywalker look like an Andy Warhol film taking it's sweet ass time. I thought the big final confrontation with Megatron was more going to be the halfway low point of the film and then our new heroes would gather to fight Unicron. Yet I can't help but feel that seeing Optimus fight so bravely and inspire others to wield their might for right even after his death is a worthy tribute to Peter Cullen, who literally inspired entire generations (Plural!) of people to be better individuals, who fullheartedly believe that freedom is the right of all sentient beings, and that's pretty incredible. Dare I even say awe inspiring! And while we miss such a powerful voice, I can safely say the rest of the voice cast are far from chumps. Judd Nelson does good work playing a more young and brash protagonist as Hot Rod who I know people either love or despise this character but I didn't hold any serious qualms, Frank Welker is still the king and brings his A-game, fucking Leonard Nimoy as Galvatron is a real treat and feels not like a successor to Megatron but just is a reincarnated Megatron, we somehow I still don't know how got Orson Welles as Unicron in his final role no less and boy is that an intimidating voice for a horrific entity and I almost want to say is more destructive than the Death Star. Speaking of which, yeahhh the Star Wars influence is felt here a good bit showing how monumental and influencing that movie was. I do really love the animation, it has that suped up Robotech look with so much color and motion, and it will stun me rigid everytime knowing it was drawn all by hand. The music...holy fuck balls! Both the score by Vince DiCola who was on some high plane wizardy and the soundtrack with Stan Bush and Kick Axe is the stuff you should be buying with your money. I'm serious man this is the most 80s shit I have ever seen in my entire life and I'm speechless. Now can I see the faults? Yes! Do I still very much like the movie and can say it's one of the best Transformers movies even 40 years later? Also yes! It's certainly never dull and even I'm a bit shocked I've never truly written a review of this until now, but hey I ain't mad. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and tomorrow we hit another milestone and say just one more goodbye.

The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas

Cheers to you Dolly.

It's funny how long this movie has been on my radar, we're talking waaay back to my pre-teen days yet I never knew a damn thing about it. Had no idea it had Dolly and Burt, had no idea it was a musical, and had no idea about the plot of a well over century old brothel in Texas that's targeted by a sensationalist television star against not only the town's wishes but the sherrif's as well who has personal ties to the owner as they fight to keep it's doors open for business. The best way I can describe it is it's a fun and fancy free movie, you may gather that from the term musical but it truly is just some entertaining fluff that has a very good sense of humor and a fair bit of heart to it. We get fourth wall breaks, dance numbers, about as much southern cussing as you can get, and less than reasonable consequences for legitimate offenses. I know everyone talks about 9 To 5 when it comes to Dolly Parton in cinema but I wanted to showcase this and I'll be dadgumed I don't know if you could get closer to the woman herself than here, her wonderful wit, her philanthropic nature, her singing, her massive heart that she wears proudly on her sleeve, I will be goddamned to Hell itself if I truly do not say this woman was perfect. I mean that wholeheartedly. And just the sheer chemistry she has with Burt in this makes it worthwhile to watch, they have genuine moments together, they have a nice relationship, you can tell they will go the distance for each other and it's wonderful. I know Burt pretty much just plays Burt in almost all his roles but that's why you watch his movies, his humor and laugh, his swagger, his outstanding ability to verbally throw down, he's endless fun to watch in this and I do miss the man a great deal too. Dom DeLuis is a solid antagonist pretty much prophesizing the evangelist nightmare that would spring up later in the decade, and the best part is I really can't tell if he does have this high morality bitchiness about him or if he's capitalizing on this story for fame and fortune but either way he's a right little shit that you love to boo and hiss at. I gotta also shoutout Theresa Merritt as the housekeeper Jewel, I just really loved her in this and I know for a fact that woman would kick my ass if I didn't bring my manners. This turned out to be Colin Higgin's last directorial effort and at first glance it doesn't seem all that special but then you get these wide shots with that big ol' Texas sky and these unreal shots of the sun rising or setting, it has a good look to it throughout. I heard some people bashed the movie for changing it up from the stage play and altering some of the history but I certainly didn't hold much of a grudge for any of it. Hell the fact this might be the most pro-sex worker movie I've ever seen gets nothing but my respect, and just for the record my favorite song from the film is Hard Candy Christmas which is a real bittersweet song for the girl's near the end of the movie. And it's surprisingly quotable, I swear half of the quotes I saw attributed to Dolly when the news came on Twitter were from this movie, the ballerina line, if you see someone unhappy give them your smile, it really is an admirably written script. I really didn't know what to expect but it all makes total sense now why my Nan had this in her VHS collection once upon another time. It's a charming funny little movie that I never hear anybody talk about but I can say it is worth seeing at least just once. I had a cracking good time, got swept up in the story, laughed to beat the band, quite enjoyed the romance aspect to it, and I got to see two wonderful stars orbit each other for just a moment. 3 stars, 7.5/10, and we stick to the 80s for a movie you may be surprised I haven't actually reviewed yet.