Thursday, September 28, 2017


It's better than I remember.

Like man, it's a crime if you have never seen this movie. ParaNorman is one of the most original, funny, and amazing films I have seen in a long time. It follows a young boy named Norman who has a gift of seeing the dead, and he enjoys it though he is ostricized by his peers and even his family, but he is soon informed of a witch's curse on the town leading to the dead rising from the grave so he has to stop it. But that isn't really the plot of the movie, nothing is as simple as I described it. It's far, far better than that. This movie is automatically outstanding due to it being stop motion, and it is flawless. Absolutely flawless. This is some of the best stop motion I have ever seen! The comedy is ridiculously good, and it relies on subtle humor with background jokes, and very nonchalant deliveries in tense situations, it's just fantastic. And what I love about this movie is, it can make me laugh so hard and make me weep like a child. This movie is heartwrenching at times, and I have no issue saying you don't have a soul if you do not feel sad in this movie. Every aspect of the movie is stellar, the animation, the voice acting is awesome (Anna Kendrick is in this movie so you know....), the story is great, it has such charm and emotion and humor. You know what, I'm gonna say it. ParaNorman is a perfect movie. I can't find one damn thing wrong with it! It is perfect. It is one of the greatest movies I have ever seen in my entire life. You gotta watch it, I am ordering you to watch this movie! Go! Enjoy it. And I'll be back October 1st.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

The Haunting Hour

I love this movie. And I have absolutely no idea why!

So basically The Haunting Hour was a TV movie released 10 years ago (yeah that doesn't make me feel a bit old) based on R.L. Stein's work, the same guy who wrote Goosebumps in the 90s that premiered on Cartoon Network. So of course I saw it and I greatly enjoy this movie, but the reason why I cannot say. The movie follows a young girl named Cassie played by Emily Osment who after moving to a new town discovers an odd Halloween store where she purchases a book by the title of "The Evil Thing", she reads it out loud against a fair warning to her little brother awakening the beast, thus causing her to destroy the creature and save her brother. It's not a brilliant plot but I think it's more of the inner workings of the movie as to why I like it. The movie has that TV movie feel, but it works. Maybe because it follows the same vein as Goosebumps, and I really loved Goosebumps back in the day so nostalgia has a part to play in this, but that's not all. From the opening credits you know you're in for a basic but spooky time, and all things Halloween are addressed even it's origins, so it has that exquisite fall feeling to it. Emily Osment is awesome as Cassie, I really enjoyed her performance cause you can tell she's commited to the movie and she is just a likable character. I always digged the goth look, which I blame fully on The Hex Girls when I was like, four years old. But not only do we get her, we get Tobin Bell. Now you might be asking, who the heck is Tobin Bell? Well....does the quote, "I want to play a game." ring a bell? (Ba dum tss!) Yes, that's right it's Jigsaw from the Saw movies. Hwhat?? They got, the jigsaw killer in this movie? How? Why? I don't know. But it is friggin' brilliant. Love that guy! Anywho, you know what I noticed in this movie? The horror movie easter eggs and references are incredible, and you really have to pay attention to get them. They range from a total obvious Halloween reference in the credits to a almost obscure Stephen King reference unless you really look at the big picture of that scene, you even see Universal horror movies playing on TV's like Island Of Lost Souls or The Mummy's Tomb, it's great fun to see how many you catch. And lastly I love how the evil thing itself is a full animatronic, like this was 2007 and they did a full animatronic beast, so major huge props to the movie for that. Now the movie is far from perfect, some of the acting is stilted, Cassie's brother Max is....ugh, insufferable, and my God they go full Mean Girls with one character, and I haven't even WATCHED Mean Girls and I know that is full stereotype! But just the charm and simplicity of this movie makes it prime material for a family movie night in October. I can't explain it, the movie just entertains me and I love it to death. Why? I couldn't tell you but I highly insist you check this movie out, just to prove I haven't gone senile at the age of 22 and it's actually a really good movie. It's so good I bought it for crying out loud!

Well, that does it for today. But we saved the best for last, a film so incredible it deserves to be seen by all. The one, the only, Paranorman.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Monster House

Almost there....

Monster House, a simple but still entertaining movie about a group of kids who learn that their neighbor's house is possesed and and turns into a fearsome beast anytime someone steps on the lawn or rings the doorbell. What I like about this movie is that it is a good autumn movie to watch, it does take place around Halloween time and it shows, with falling leaves, trick or treaters, and it just fits right in with the season. In fact, this movie does have deep roots in a child's young years. Think about it, almost every kid has heard tale of a creepy house that you shouldn't go to or be around, to beware the scary old man in the old dark house, kids have imaginations so it makes sense that they come across an actual living entity in the shape of a house because they can relate to it in an odd sort of way. Another really good thing the movie has for it is the animation, now it is not that great like the quality of say Hotel Transylvania where everything is crisp, clean, and fluid to an almost absurd degree, since it was made in the early 2000s it's stilted, odd, but by no means bad. And the reason I say it's great is because of how the camera moves, you cannot get movement and shots like this in a live action film, that's the beauty of animation you can be creative, you can have expressions that are wild and fun, and you can move the camera in a full three dimensional plane, it doesn't just pan left or right, or cranes upward, it's flying around, moving through objects, having great transitions! It's just really well made for what they had at that time. The kids are great, they are weird, awkward, and they don't always get along but that's kids! Nothing is going to be perfect so I'm happy they got these characters down so well. It's just a good, fun movie that you can watch with your kids or put it on at a Halloween party and it won't be too much for anyone to handle. And watch for the subtle tribute to a masterful suspense movie! Which the more I think about it, Halloween to me, is a children's holiday moreso than an adult holiday. Adults can still participate and have a blast, but it's mainly for the kids. So why is there so few horror-ish movies for kids? Movies, shows, tv movies or specials that your kid could watch and it not be too graphic or scary. That's why I talk about these kinds of movies at this time, because well there are good kids movies for this time of the year, and you may need or want to watch something with your child and it not be friggin' Nightmare On Elm Street. So it's a good movie, watch it on a autumn evening with your family to get you in the proper mood for the coming month, and I shall see you tomorrow.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Well this was a good movie to end the day with.

Now I have to make myself very clear. I do not hate this movie. Let me repeat that again, I do NOT hate this movie.'s not as great as the first one. The first Kingsman movie came out of left field and floored me with how different but still awesome it's take on the spy genre was. Maybe I had high expectations for this movie but it never made me say, "Wow, this is a pretty good friggin' movie!". So our story picks up a few years after the first, Eggsy is a top agent at Kingsman, he's in a relationship with that chick he banged in the ass at the end of the last movie, and all seems well. Enter Julianne Moore, who I swear to God is the reason you should see this movie! I mean she's nuttier than a PayDay bar, and my God is it beautiful. She plays this guano crazy buisnesswoman who has grossed over $300 billion dollars on drug trade alone. She has this whole crazy plan, with poisoning drug users and then asking for all drug use be legalized in exchange for a cure. Make sense? Not to me. I kinda could roll with the whole brainwave scrambling thing in the last movie and I liked it. The only flipping reason Kingsman is brought into this is because one of her employers has a grudge against them, and Eggsy's girlfriend gets the virus. That's it. Now you could argue, it is saving the world since so many people do drugs, but honestly I don't feel the world is at stake. At all. Kinda diminishes the whole scale and drive of the movie. Now the acting across the board is still great, the action while lessened is still cool, the comedy is there but I just didn't laugh as much the first go around, and has the strangest....I can't evenncall it a cameo because it happens waaaay to often, and even results in a total deus ex machina, and I'm just confused by it. Kingsman The Golden Circle is an okay sequel to a great film. Buy the first, rent the second, or just watch the two trailers to this movie. Trust me, they are excellent! Kinda ended on a downer, but hey next week we got more movies to start as a prologue to a mish mash of horror, sci-fi, and the most wonderful time of the year.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

This was a blast! You want a different sort of spy movie? Look no further.

Kingsman is a great, fun, and very entertaining spy movie that revels in the absurdity and all things awesome that we have come to know and love in the spy genre from the 60s and 70s. Our main hero Eggsy had a father who worked with a completely top secret institute known as Kingsman, he dies on a mission and about 10 years later Eggsy comes in contact with his father's partner Galahad who takes him under his wing and trains him to fight Samuel L. Jackson from killing the world with Suicide Squad bombs implanted in people's heads. Sounds ridiculous? Well, there's a reason. I love the fact that this movie totally says it's a spy movie, unashamedly having fun with the classic James Bond archetypes of megalomaniacal villains, bizzare assassins, ridiculously awesome gadgets, and always cool looking secret agents. I expected a decent movie and I got a really good one! There's many good things to say about it and very little bad things, so I'll keep it short and sweet. First off, bitching cast right off the bat. In one instance we have Mark Hamill, Sam Jackson, and Sofia Boutella in a scene together. Need I say more? All actors are outstanding across the board, the action is absolutely insane in terms of choreography and really creates a spectacle that I haven't felt in a movie in ages. And that's a great word to describe this movie, a spectacle! A spectacle of action, humor, and espionage blended perfectly and poured in a martini glass. This is a movie that deserves the praise and the viewings from people all over the world, and more than worthy enough to buy. So now, I'm stoked for the sequel like mad! I expect it to be a good sequel, with a lot of fun in it, so I will see you there and remember that manners maketh man.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

In Retrospect: Wonder Woman

On second viewing, yeah still very awesome.

At last! A film I desperately needed to see again and yes, it is just as great as it was the first time! You know what I noticed this time around? The film is very sweet and loving, I mean we are dealing with Wonder Woman here: Compassion, respect, dignity, strength, intelligence, and love, so it makes sense that this would be the message of the story, love triumphs over all and that doing what you believe can have great reprocussions on the world. Another thing I noticed is how well the movie does justice to the character of Diana Prince, I mean really when you get right down to it it is not possible to screw up Wonder Woman. Why is that though? I'm not sure, she's a very popular comic book character, potrayed before by Lynda Carter and that was in the 70s, so even then she was popular and loved. So I obviously can not say that she's not as famous or loved as Superman or Batman because that's a lie, but those characters have had their missteps, but not with Wonder Woman. Why? No idea, but I'm obviously looking forward to seeing her in Justice League and sequel talk has risen, so I expect great things in the future. If people ever had a problem with the new DC cinematic universe, they shut up real quick when this movie hit. And that's all they have to do really, tell a good story while doing justice to the character with love and admiration for their history and standing in pop culture. Bam! You done good DC, this is why you're my favorite. I know it can succeed, just like Universal's Dark Universe with all the classic monsters, true The Mummy wasn't a smash hit but they have until 2019 to work the kinks out for The Bride Of Frankenstein so I'm optimistic for it. I have great faith in the future of movies, and I hope you share in it with me.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

American Assassin

Michael Keaton sure has come back huh? Ever since Birdman he's popping up in mainstream movies like Spotlight, The Founder, friggin' Spiderman Homecoming, and now this movie!

American Assassin is a basic but good movie focusing on a man played by Dylan O'Brien who after his girlfriend is killed on a beach by a terror attack, devotes his life to hunting down terrorists when he is picked up by the CIA and trained by a special ghost operation chief played by Michael Keaton. One thing I'm thankful for is the movie moves at a brisk pace, I figured our hero would spend half the movie training and the rest focusing on some big, major, hoohah leading to our climax but thankfully that is not the case. The movie does a good job of holding your attention and keeping you interested the whole way through. The villain is admittedly weak, with no real motivation but really I'm not expecting groundbreaking cinema from this movie. I'm expecting a decent movie to keep me entertained and interested in which case it succeeds. It's a basic movie, but if you know anything about me I can tell you Michael Keaton is the best part. I was surprised at his vocal range, he talks normal but when he has to be intimidating it slips into that Birdman/Batman voice, and at one point he just loses his mind and his voice goes full Beetlejuice and it's great in every way. But even without him, American Assassin is a decent movie that's well worth a rental. It's got good action, a bit of espionage, and for some reason this movie loves shooting women. I've never seen a movie in my life that kills so many women in it's runtime. Like what the hell? If I had a dollar everytime a woman got shot, I could probably buy two movie tickets, I just kept noticing how many times that happens. But anyway, it's a good movie that knows what it wants to be and I can't argue against it. Go see it, rent it, any will do and see if you enjoy it too.

Well that's it for this week. We got an In Retrospect, and two movies I've never seen before due next week. See you then!

Friday, September 15, 2017


What the french toast did I just watch?

I just....I can't. I can't form cohesive words and sentences regarding this movie. I can't even describe the plot without giving away the movie. But the movie was done by Darren Aronofsky, who directed films like Black Swan and Requiem For A Dream, severe mind breaking movies with lots of metaphor and surreal environments and this movie is no exception. This was just an interesting movie going experience. Let me set the scene: I bought my ticket, it's 12 minutes to showtime, I walk in the theater. I am alone. It's dark, cold, and silent. No movie ads, no commercials, the screen is blank. I sat there for 10 minutes in utter silence and darkness. It was the closest thing to sensory deprivation I have ever experienced. And I think it was done on purpose to already kinda unnerve you and get you ready for the movie. It's a trip to say the least, and surprisingly Jennifer Lawrence is the one that carries the film. Javier Bardem is in it but not much, so it's all down to Jennifer. And if you know me, I'm not a fan of her work and yet I can safely say she did a really good job. At first I thought she was harsh, cold, and rude, hell even one guy calls her the c-word. But then I thought, if you were in her situation you would feel very much the same. And her situation is unapologetic in it's blunt, uncomfortable, and just plain awkward dialogue. You know how in most movies if it gets awkward, people change the subject or try to lighten the mood? Yeah, that never happens here. The whole movie is just one slow burning climax, with the camera constantly moving in a handheld fashion making the house seem like a maze and can inspire claustrophobia easily. Added to this is the nonexistent soundtrack, there is no music. None. Not even like ambient background noise, until the end credits. It reminds me of No Country For Old Men but even with that movie the film score was subdued but it was there. So the lack of music makes it easier for the film to get under your skin. It's like if you took The Shining, Misery, and The Wicker Man and added that extra dash of WTF and you got a movie that will leave you speechless. At the end, I was laughing like a mental patient. I'm not even sure if this was a good movie or a bad movie, it's in it's own little world entirely seperate from all things natural and it gets disturbing. After I left the theater, I was very perplexed at what I just witnessed and still can't find proper words to describe it. This is no doubt a movie that must be viewed multiple times to fully grasp it, so if you feel brave and experimental go check it out. If not, I can't say I blame you. I tell you what, if you can walk out of the theater and not utter the words "What the f*** did I just watch?" I will give you a medal, alright? Like, just damn. I got nothing. This was weirder than The Lobster and that stuff was already pretty damn weird! So congratulations Mother, you are the official most bizzare film I have ever reviewed!

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

In Retrospect: Rough Night

You know, I think I enjoyed this movie more on a second viewing.

It really is a funny movie with a lot of reasonably crazy women, so I obviously am going to enjoy myself. It certainly brightened up my day when I rented it. The comedy though crude at moments just made me crack up! This is a hilarious movie that deals with some pretty dark, grim stuff like everyone's favorite topic at social gatherings: Murder. And still is greatly amusing. It's like Clue, all these rather eccentric people gather together for a gathering, someone dies, and they try to evade police and other visitors who could see the body. And I loved that movie! Still do! So yeah, I still recommend it to people wanting a fun time. Kate McKinnon still just slays me, like seriously she deserves to be in more movies. My God, just her comedic timing and her facial expressions are comedy gold to me! She just never ceases to make me laugh, and steals the whole damn movie easily. Scarlett is fun but can bring the drama a bit, which I can appreciate so it's not comedy for the sake of comedy. Jillian Bell is kinda well....she's just not nice, let's put it at that but it shocked me at the reason why. I mean that scene has some real raw emotion in it and can hit home for some people. It's a good movie and should be seen again, I certainly enjoyed it more on a second viewing so maybe you will too.

Now, I know there was a movie that hit video yesterday. I want to assure you I did not forget (not by a long shot) so be patient. It will work out. And hopefully, I can get two brand new movie reviews out before next week. So until then, have fun peeps!

Friday, September 8, 2017

IT (2017)

Okay, new movie! New horror movie even! Was it good? Eh...

Okay so I have not read the novel, and haven't even really sat and watched the whole TV miniseries because I...favor my sanity, so how did this movie stack up? Well, it was really good. Had it's faults mind you, but most could be overlooked. So for the people who are wondering what's the deal with the clown I shall try and tell the story without sounding like I forgot to take my medication. So basically a town is plagued by a supernatural being, able to shift into your worst nightmares, and a small group of kids are being hunted by this thing and they have to try and save themselves and their town from It. Now, onto the bad things! This movie aggravated me. Not because it was bad, but certain elements rubbed me the wrong way. A lot. I pose a question, why does every horror movie rely on jumpscares? Every...single...time a legit scare happens BANG! Loud noise. You're killing me Smalls. You just can't be properly scared anymore, gone are the days of atmosphere and suspense. And the worse part is, the movie tries to build atmosphere through set design, music, lighting, and pacing. But then it gets ruined by the friggin' jumpscares! God give me strength. I'd dare you to take a shot everytime a loud noise happened but you would be comatose, if not dead before half of the movie was over. You can scare people with silence, I assure you. And the other problem, the biggest problem is mood. My sweet baby Moses, this movie has such tone issues. If you want to scare people silly, do it. Do not, I repeat DO NOT make endless jokes. Now granted the comedy in this is funny. But that's the problem! It shouldn't be funny!! When you go from, child being murdered in the sewers to talking about how big someone's johnson is, this is what we call 'ruining atmosphere' or as I like to call it, bipolar. Stop it! But...the movie has good parts in it. The kids are great, so great that this movie passes supernatural horror and could be a really thoughtful and realistic look in pre-teen years. The human element was believable, you can empathize with these kids, and they are all very likable! I hate to say this but, IT would have been a better movie without the clown! Now don't get me wrong Bill Skarsgard was, phenomenal. He made me terrified and laugh at the same time! Loved his performance in this movie! God, he's awesome! But I kinda just wanted a movie about these kids and their problems because they were that great. And you do get this Stranger Things vibe, the movie is set in the late 80s, supernatural things are occuring, and it focuses on kids but it does not distract from the movie. This was leaps and bounds better than the miniseries, the only thing that had going for it was Tim Curry and I laughed at him more than be scared of him. This movie allowed for more creative things because of it's budget. There is cgi in this movie, and it's only noticeable near the end, but it does more than the miniseries. In fact, it takes scenes and scares from the miniseries but add it's own twist to it. So like, I knew what was coming but was thrown a curveball. So that helped out a lot. So all in all, it was a good movie, I do think I would recommend it for the actors in it but not so much the scares. Oh, and while I'm here why do people hate clowns? Everyone says IT made people afraid of clowns, and I don't get it. I like clowns, they are funny people whose sole goal in life is to make people smile. So what's the stigma against clowns? They get a bad rep man. But anyway, it's good to be back at this time of the year and I will be back next week with more things to talk about. See you then!

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Fall Is In The Air....

I can sense it, I can feel it in my bones. Fall is finally here. All is right in my world! Much to talk about in the coming months. Killer clowns, a look at some of the best (and worst) horror remakes, spy agencies, critically acclaimed films, Christmas movies, and the last Jedi in the galaxy. All this and more to be featured on my (second) favorite website in the entirety of the interwebs, this is What The Dude Says. And the Dude abides.