E.T.

Hand over my heart, this is my first viewing of E.T. despite being a part of pop culture for decades.

Which I have to admit is pretty funny because I'm damn certain I had the 20th anniversary DVD when I was like 7, I knew about the Atari game and that whole reputation, and I knew the basic plot through cultural osmosis. Alien gets abandoned on earth, befriends a young boy, and they have to keep him safe from government bodies so he can GTFO this planet. How I wish I could join him. But it's such an endearing film, it's so easy to connect with E.T. and Elliot and despite the two hour runtime it really doesn't waste anytime pairing these two together. It's a surprisingly funny film and I was having a blast with it, it truly doesn't surprise me why it was such a success both in theaters and on video with audiences. The simple fact alone of this alien design being fully realized as a costume with prothetics built in is a marvel, effortlessly believable in my opinion and with a lot of personality to boot. Hell everyone has so much personality, Elliot is a good kid and I'll be goddamned if I didn't say Henry Thomas wasn't acting his fucking heart out I mean my God man, the movie had me on the verge of tears not once but twice! Robert MacNaughton as Elliot's brother Michael starts off as a punk older brother but quickly becomes a real one, Drew Barrymore just a wee baybah is so fffffffuggin' cute I'd burn planets for her and again for such a young actress she's damn good, Dee Wallace our horror queen barely feels like she's acting at all and despite having the peripheral vision of a mole is lovely to have here. Though dear sweet God this movie is so 80s man, kids playing D&D, some real hilarious insults, E.T. pounding Coors like a blue collar dad, the very fucking questionable scenario of having 8 year olds chloroform and dissect frogs, the buffet of Star Wars references that you bet your ass I was nerding the hell out over, it's crazy. But that's the way I like it even if I do have to say, what the FUCK 1980s?? All in all, a very very good movie that I'm quite happy to have finally seen. I give it 3.5 stars, 8/10, and Mr. Spielberg I'm curious to know what you got cooking up for us so I'll catch you tomorrow.

An Extremely Goofy Movie

Shit son I am getting old.

Story time! While I never even heard of the first Goofy movie, I actually had this on VHS back when I was most likely 5 and watched it regularly, and boy howdy this movie may have have left an impact on me I'm only just now rediscovering. The story I feel is somewhat better and somewhat worse than the last, with Max heading to college and pretty soon after Goofy has to go back to school for a better chance of employment (You remember when college meant something?), and then they get embroiled in the X Games which is a whole other ass story and...I'm split. The last movie was very much Max's film despite the title but here the focus is split between our two leads and their subsequent college lives, and while I do understand both characters have stories to finish I do wish it could have focused on just one. I honestly adored Goofy's story in this movie, from that almost akin to a death in the family loss when your kid goes to college which honestly kinda cut me deep and it did even more so when I was younger even if I was too young to fully comprehend why, to him finding a girlfriend, to him being able to let Max be his own individual, that's a pretty friggin' strong story all by itself! Whereas with Max I almost feel like all the character growth from last movie got thrown into the incinerator and we're back to square one, with him wanting nothing to do with his dad and just wants to compete at the X Games which leans a little too close to character assassination for me personally, and there's just nothing even slightly interesting going on in his story. Hell I was having more fun seeing PJ get this sassy hipster girlfriend and their background relationship more than Max's story. The voice acting is still just as good even on a direct to video production, Bill still has such a wide range of emotions to play with and interesting dynamics to keep it entertaining, Jason leans heavier into the young adult angst and cockiness which fits the story even if it isn't that engaging. Bebe Neuwirth I feel is criminally underused as Sylvia, Goofy has a girlfriend and why the fuck are people not talking about that? This dorky ass, nerdy, redhaired librarian is such a sweet presence and the relationship feels real although I'm screaming to the heavens for it to be expanded upon in the still 82 minute runtime. They vastly deserved more on screen time together and for a Disney animated movie, that could have broke all new ground. Jeff Bennett was pulling overtime on this production with three characters including our main antagonist Brad, who my God is he hateable for such a stock jock character so props to him on that! The animation quality has dipped a notch as is common with direct to video material but it's far far from bad, with pretty solid use of color, rather fluid animation for a budget, and can have some scale to it when needed. This damn soundtrack though, holy shit! How is it that the cheaper movie has a better soundtrack than the theatrical film, with Pat Benatar, John Avila, Carmen Carter, and the friggin' Partridge Family?? And it's not covers either, it is flat out the song! We get a Saturday Night Fever dance sequence for crying out loud! So I guess my love for disco started at a young age. You see what I mean? Some aspects are maybe a little too good and some are just average at best! It's fairly aggravating I must say. Which does make me understand why absolutely no one brings up this movie, it makes the first movie seem almost hallowed but the good stuff shines bright even amidst all the other stuff. I still was super happy to revisit this movie which I probably haven't seen in 20 years and though it didn't hold entirely up I can still recommend it. 2.5 stars, 6.5/10!

A Goofy Movie

Don't ask me why, madness just striked.

Though in all seriousness in the near decade I've been doing this I haven't given a lot of love to the 2D animation department at the house of Mouse so I figured it couldn't hurt. I have not seen this movie before but I certainly have heard about it, it's kind of an interesting case of nostalgia for many it would seem though it's far from a house hold name, definitely a cult hit in my estimation. It's a fairly grown up story about Goofy and his son Max starting to hit that era of the generational gap and how a father and son are trying to reconnect amidst the backdrop of a road trip movie, and what I vastly enjoy so much about it and can even respect it a good deal is it doesn't really pull any punches. There is frustration, there is a lack of listening, there's dare I say depression at times, so it doesn't surprise me why people hold it near and dear to their hearts. Now granted this was a follow up to the Goof Troop television series but trust in me when I say you can watch it without the backstory, and that point is even further compounded when we get to the sequel tomorrow. It really can be it's own singular thing and that's a luxury compared to nowadays! And being an animation project in the 90s it has that distinct look and feel to the era, and I kinda had this little epiphany strike me while watching which is, the 90s was the last gasp of when old could mix with new. Now what do I mean by that? Well simply put, a lot of the comedic elements are things I have seen in Looney Tunes and Three Stooges shorts but that juxtaposition of the generational gap is present even there with the slick, colorful, and modern animation style. Bill Farmer does a very good job playing Goofy who admittedly out of the classic original lineup of Disney characters might be my favorite, he still has that highly animated sensibility but can show emotion of wide degrees that gets you invested. Same for Jason Marsden as Max, you know what he's going through with the angst, and the crushing on a cute girl, and how he wants to distance himself from his dad but not in a mean spirited or despicable way. He's a kid who's growing up and that has been proven time and again as good drama for stories. It very much centers on these two throughout for the less than 90 minute runtime, but I'll of course shoutout Kellie Martin, Jim Cummings, and Rob Paulsen who all still put solid work in and easily elicited reactions from me both positive and negative. The only real problem I have with the movie is dear lord, it just flies by! Sure it takes it's time when needed but when we are nearing that climax, it's going at warp speed and I honestly feel there were chunks left on the cutting room floor, and the climax itself is like...3 minutes before firmly shifting back into falling action and resolution not long after. If memory serves this was a theatrically released film which perplexes me further why it's as short as it is, but I heard the production was kind of an uphill battle and it really came down to the wire to get the film done and out so I can't be that mad at it and I'm not really, it's just kind of a bummer it isn't longer. The songs are mostly ehhhh but seviceable, the animation quality is worthy of a theatrical picture, the story is basic but certainly quite good, and I am pretty happy to say I've finally seen it. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and I'll see you next time.

The Goonies

I know, I know, took almost a decade to finally get around to Goonies. I was kinda surprised too!

It's funny, I was never heavily nostalgic for The Goonies and while I have seen the movie many many years ago probably before I was even a teen, it still holds up remarkably well! Set in a seaside town a group of friends in an attempt to save their homes from being torn down find a treasure map and against all logic or reason decide to go for it, surpassing traps and capture from a band of criminals hot on their heels for mass amount of booty. Yo-ho! For a movie just a notch over 1½ hours even I was surprised how much time they set everything up before the hunt begins, a good 20 to 25 minutes as a matter of fact which I get! We got a lot of characters here and while they are far from deep are immensely charming and memorable and I could talk about every single cast member truth be told because of how good the performances are and how I really couldn't dream of anyone else playing these kids and it kinda breaks my heart I can't delve into everyone in great detail, so I'll shoutout my faves. Sean Astin my man, I love you my man, has such an innocence and wonder about him at all this stuff even in the midst of a death defying task, easily the heart of the group. Of course I have to shoutout our king Ke Huy Quan, I believe this was right on the cusp of Temple Of Doom and his hair brained gadgets and wild persona was a sheer blast to watch and lowkey honestly has the best look out of all the characters bar none! Jeff Cohen need I really say more, asode from Sloth is the face of this movie in the popular culture and I have to admit he got the most laughs out of me very easily, and I strongly relate to a foodaholic that doesn't want trouble. John Matuszak even though he's not in the movie all that much, Sloth is a beast all of his own and despite the impressive prosthetics showcases a lot of love and fun and you wouldn't have to ask me twice to share some rocky road with him. I have no friggin' clue how they got Robert Davi to be in this because he is a man of intensity and awesome in his acting but it was nothing short of great to see him here. The production is absolutely top notch without a shadow of a doubt, LOTS of intricate and well designed sets, simple but good stunts, and a scale that even the main cast were blown away by when it came to, I shit you not, a fully built pirate ship! Sure there is some blue screen effects but my God this movie has some polish on it that is sorely missing from cinema today! And I guess the saying of "Brevity is the soul of wit" shines through here because it is a simple story with simple characters, but the writing and humor is so good you don't need an inch more than what is presented on screen. The humor often comes out of left field but got good strong laughs out of me at points throughout the film. It's just highly entertaining and no wonder people look at it so fondly and have became big fans of it! Anybody can watch it, anybody can love it, really and truly everyone on that crew deserves the praise. Great cast, solid director, a simple but engaging story, culminating in a film that has stood the test of time admirably. 3.5 stars, 8/10! Ooooh did someone say pirates in space tomorrow? Cause that's all I need!

Mickey's Christmas Carol

Yeah I was having a good time not confronting the Christmas but this is all for grander purposes next week.

For a special 25 minutes in length and somehow able to effectively condense Charles Dickens' classic tale is no small feat and admittedly it probably helps we have such recognizable characters to fill in the roles. Speaking of which it was actually a fun game to try to guess who would be who, with Mickey being Bob Cratchit, Goofy being Jacob Marley, and Scrooge being well...Scrooge McDuck. Next thing you'll tell me Owl is an owl. Ludicrous. But anywho, the animation while far from theatrical quality is still filled with personality and style with some simple but nice backgrounds along with some imaginative twists with the three ghosts. Pretty solid voice cast too with Alan Young as Uncle Scrooge who actually has quite a fun scottish accent, Wayne Allwine as Mickey who though doesn't speak much does have an impact near the end, and Hal Smith as Goofy somehow kinda had an eerie moment and this is from someone who loves Goofy's laugh so props to him! Thankfully the story doesn't move at a break neck pace and indeed can take it's time to linger on a shot for atmosphere, with expertly crafted dialogue that gets the point perfectly across in such a short runtime and shock of all shocks doesn't feel like three ghosts fearmonger an old man to do what they tell him! It feels like a legit change cause Uncle Scrooge shows plenty regret and undercurrents of kindness to where it feels earned. I know this is probably one of those treasured household traditions for many but I couldn't even tell you the last time I saw it. I personally give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, and I may have a more recent holiday film for you tomorrow.

The Wild Robot

My headcanon is Roz became the robot in Castle In The Sky. Somehow.

I kinda forgot about this film ain't gonna lie. I saw the poster, absolutely zero trailers, and only until about 2 days ago added it to the calendar. I didn't even know it was based on a book until end credits. So basically walking in blind as a bat, how was it? Pretty good actually! The premise does grab your attention from the start, this helper robot who without any memory of what transpired before finds itself on an isolated island with no humans as it tries to follow it's programming. That is a really cool premise! But then a thought occured to me, will the animal inhabitants talk? Depending on the person you are that could be a good or bad thing, but the answer is yes. I feel that would have been way too experimental to have a robot speak but nothing else does and this is a family film from Dreamworks after all so what can you do. So we follow the odyssey of this robot as she learns the language, adapts, and quickly finds a purpose in raising a baby goose. Honestly when the goose grows up it starts hitting more clichéd writing, and indeed some would even argue that the movie gets a little too kid friendly and leans hard in the sentimental department. I had no severe issue and did still find myself emotionally invested but it certainly was something to take note of. I feel I could counter that claim however with how much death is in the movie, there is a clear difference between a Kid's Movie and a Family Film, family films have casualties in them! But anyway, onto performances. I'm a bit of a mark for Lupita Nyong'o, and I'll be damned I have a big heart for robots but she dang near takes the cake putting a lot of cheer and humor into Roz nailing the emotional punch throughout the entire picture. I was all in on her and never have I seen a machine go through so much physical abuse, so I got a bit defensive of her. Pedro Pascal of all people plays a gluttonous fox named Fink who pretty much takes the patriarchal image of this oddball family unit, I honestly couldn't tell it was him and I'm just thrilled they didn't pull no liar revealed trope with his character. Kit Connor as the runt of the litter goose Brightbill is a character we have seen time and time again, the acting was just fine no strikes against him, I do just wish we had a better story for him to play in. But whatever shortcomings the story has the animation almost makes up for it entirely, infusing 3D animation with water color backgrounds and rich color, this is a cool looking movie. It has moments even of just pure art! Dreamworks you may have landed face first with The Bad Guys but you did strong work here! Is it perfect? Absolutely not. Is it worth seeing? I would say yeah. It's been a good while since I saw a new animated movie so I'm happy. I give it 3 stars, 8/10, and you know what next month is but probably not what we're starting with.

Wonka

I...will accept that.

Again, had next to zero inkling what this movie would be but I stepped in happy and open minded and was rewarded for my efforts. I feel the trailers did kind of a disservice, it was really pushing the Gene Wilder-isms and origin story card to get butts in seats, when in actuality the film is a beast of it's own entirely. In fact it is folly and a waste of time to compare this with the 70s film, it's like seeing a person with the same hair color, eye color, and even the same shape of their noses but everything else is different entirely. Even the angle of it's a prequel to Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory is null and void, it uses elements of that film with some being more on the nose than others but ultimately is a fun and fancy free film with plenty of ludicrous nonsense. But a little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest man. So our tale begins with a young Mr. Wonka setting foot back on dry land after seven years of seafaring to a city where he wants to open his first shop. Now the odd thing about this town that I noticed is everyone is for the most part british and cockney in accent, but I swear I saw a street sign in german but no architecture was german. Very strange. But anywho! So, and this is a no horseshit Jack statement, there is a chocolate cartel conspiring against the candyman and on top of that this movie gets a tiny bit little orphan Annie, and a squad of workers chip in to help open the store. That's the basic gist and for a film around the 2 hour mark keeps a very good pace, with more musical numbers than Willy and Charlie combined and it is exactly as I suspected. You get every flavor of song you can think of, introductory song, aspiration song, villain song, sad song, the works with full blown can-can dancing included at times. The songs are passable, I didn't adore nor despise any of them, and Timothée actually has a pretty decent singing voice. And yeah his performance is entirely his own, he has moments of Gene but at the end of the day is his own unique iteration. The emotion and humor is there from all the characters, with a good bit of love going towards Paterson Joseph, Jim Carter, Keegan-Michael Key, and of course Rowan Atkinson who were a joy to see. Though I feel slightly bait and switched when it came to Sally Hawkins but all is forgiven for I got to see her rapturous beauty if only for a moment. And to be honest I was fawning a bit over Rakhee Thakrar too. The sets and colors are great, the movie is actually really dang funny and I was probably the only one cracking up in that theater, even the plain absurdity of Hugh Grant as an Oompa-Loompa works surprisingly well I mean this director knew what tone and style he wanted and nailed it pretty succesfully! It is a fun movie and thankfully not terribly saccharine, so it is a recommendation. It's honestly tied with the 70s version for me but I give it 3.5 stars, 7.5/10! And I think the end may almost be here, but I may have a trick or two up my sleeves for you to enjoy.

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

I think there's a reason I haven't watched this since 2005.

I mean, it's not bad. It really isn't, it just didn't do anything for me. Now I watched it a fair bit when I was like 10, though I speak from experience when I say not to watch it when you're sick and you got a fever and your brain feels all mixed and scrambled, but it's good to compare notes on with the Gene Wilder film. Same basic story with a few alterations, imaginings, and some delvings in Wonka's past to make it indeed a film of it's own and not a straight up remake. I feel Tim Burton is a rock solid choice for the film because you know he's a visual director with a distinct style and can give such a wild and weird look once you're in the factory and I feel he somewhat delivers but I also feel it's one of his more "normal" looking films like Edward Scissorhands. Johnny Depp I love you man, you are a very talented performer, and I ain't got a clue why you're here. Not that it's bad writing or a poor performance, I think I fully understand the angle they were working, it's a reclusive guy who's headspace is still very much childlike and immature with a dose of parental trauma I understand that part, but it ain't fully realized. He's just kinda out there, spacey, awkward, very much in his little world, and for lack of a better term alien. There was one moment where I feel he got it, captured a spark of Gene Wilder, when he was trying to unlock the gate so Veruca could be saved, that was rich! Charlie ain't much better, unbelievably categorized in that nice kid mold with barely a lick of personality though I'm happy Freddie kept acting and has gotten good stuff since. The kids are a bit meaner which I rather like cause that's incredibly believable for children, and they still are as one dimensional as the characters in the 70s version so that's a small improvement. Major props to Deep Roy who had to play every single Oompa Loompa on camera, that is commitment and he got paid accordingly as well for all his work. I'm rather split on the musical cues because it's not a musical per se as the previous film, we only get the what I like to call the comeuppnace songs after each kid gets bumped off, it's a neat touch that each song focuses on a decade of music from the 50s to the 80s (not in that particular order) but the songs are kinda ehhh. I rather enjoy Danny Elfman's music, both in cinema and in his band Oingo Boingo, but this is his lowest for me on the ranking of his film scores. It's not all negatives of course, but hey man people have their preferences. The movie did a decent job getting a few really good laughs out of me, the set design goes from mundane to beautifully realized, any screen time with Christopher Lee is a win, the kid actors were good with the material they had, to hear Geoffrey Holden as the narrator was a real treat for me, and I even appreciated the House Of Wax nod that Tim slipped in there. It's okay, I can take it or leave it, but who says it can't work for someone? As for the upcoming Wonka...oh my God I am so perplexed as to how this will go. It seems to be appropriately out there just in the overall movie landscape of 2023. Full blown musical dance numbers and all, the tone feels light and leaning towards über cutesy to where you could get the diabeetus from watching it, it is unashamedly different in it's style and tone, all I'm hoping for is a good movie but I have a sneaking suspicion it'll be the bridgehead of quality between Charlie and Willy Wonka. Final scores, 2.5 stars, 5.5/10, and here's hoping for Friday.

Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory

No better time to take a small jaunt down memory lane.

I'm sure for my generation and the one previous, this film has been an early watch in our childhoods but I'm rather curious as to what people think of it today. Whether they be kids or adults, because while I've always liked the movie I've never loved it. It's not been a staple of my childhood, but I'm sure it is for someone. So the story goes a poor young lad named Charlie is living his less than good life when the reclusive owner of the biggest candy making factory in the world sends out five golden tickets to gain entry to the factory and see all the fantastical and wonderous things within. Now what I really have to commend the film for is actually the fact that it's age kinda helps it work. It's shot in 1970s West Germany, the clothing and production design are embedded in the 70s, and you'd be surprised how much the film...not necessarily lolligags about but rathers does a fair bit of world building cause you see news coverage, and TV interviews, and even just random scenes of superflous characters, which makes it almost seem like you're watching a piece of real world history. All the contraptions and inventions in the factory are absurd and ludicrous but have that children's story twinge to it like you really just stepped into another world entirely. Yeah you can poke fun at the movie almost from minute one to end credits a lot of people do, but credit goes to all the people who worked on the movie to make it as good as they did. Speaking of children's stories this was one, in a series of books written by Roald Dahl the guy who also wrote The Witches (90s family film that probably traumatized a few kids), The BFG (not to be associated with Doom), and also Matilda (underground gem feverishly lauded by adults my age), and it may be a bit of a shock to learn he really did despise and detest this adaptation of his work. Also surprising was that the movie didn't do all that well in theaters and more got it's reputation through video rentals as time went on. I can very firmly say the reason to watch the film is Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka, and the film does a pretty good job building up this mystery of the factory and it's proprietor I mean you don't even see the guy until the 40 minute mark in this one hour and forty minute film, but once he's there you can't. Look. Away. And I LOVE the potrayal here, cause you can't get a read on him! He's kind and yet dispassionate at instances, he clearly is a well read individual but he's a bit off his damn rocker at the same time, I mean you kinda have to be to come up with all this edible foolishness but there's this wide eyed sparkle and stare about him not far off from a mad scientist in one certain shot. Maybe that's why they picked him for Young Frankenstein. Gene is a walking talking marvel in this picture and still probably won't be topped anytime soon. Not ever to discredit the kids in this movie, in all seriousness this is actually pretty great child acting for the time, each with memorable and easily definable characters with individual flaws. It does take on a Grimm's Fairy Tales aspect with each kid having a vice or deadly sin as it were and it bites them in the ass sooner rather than later, but even Charlie is still a kid with wants and woes and isn't pigeonholed into a "good kid" category. It's interesting to watch it again and pick up on so much that didn't even register as a kid, even if the tunnel really doesn't make that much sense still and yeahhh let's discuss the tunnel shall we. Um, I love it. It's a bad acid trip in the middle of a children's film, has the balls to show a live chicken beheaded in full, scary ass poetry is recited which of course I know by heart, and ends almost as quickly as it began. Why??? How?? I don't know why it's there or how they came to that decision to make it, but I'm so happy they did. I really love when kid's films get just creepy and weird, it happens more with films from the 70s and 80s, another great example that I see no one talk about is the scene where Charlie is outside the gates of the factory at nightfall and for absolutely no reason this man who has a rickety cart filled with friggin' cleavers and butcher knives recites some creepy ass poetry about little men then walks off. Why is it there? Beats me man but it's something memorable. Maybe there's a message to the offbeat weird shit, maybe it's just to give people the heebie jeebies. Probably the latter. And it's a musical to boot, there's a fair few songs in this film! Now I attribute that more to the fact that it's a children's film and that's more common in such features, but the songs aren't bad even if some are strangely brief. It's just such a tiny bit of an anomaly this movie, I dare say there isn't another film like it even if compared to next time's review, I'm sure it was an oddball picture when it released and it hasn't lost it's unique individualistic bizzare quality since. It's a sure fire watch for the sole reason of seing Gene do what he does beautifully and make an opinion of your own. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, Tim Burton version next time.

Halloweentown II

Fun to be back.

Yeah, I really could have bet my soul on the fact I reviewed Halloweentown 1 and 2 years back but here we are. And I gotta say I think I liked this one better, so it's been about a year in movie time with Grandma Aggie living with Marnie and the family before stuff starts going sideways in Halloweentown where our magical heroes set forth to save the town once more from, actually despite the full title of Kalabar's Revenge there is no Kalabar but rather his son. I actually quite like how the tone is much more consistent, you get your villain introduction and the inciting incident quite quick and the stakes do feel raised from the last movie. The production values have went up considerably, the acting is mostly good, it's concisely told, and while it was made purely for young children you could see a bit of dramatic weight with Marnie's situation. She's a lot more proactive and no nonsense in this movie which makes sense because Kimberly Brown was a bit older so the character would be more mature too, and I genuinely could see potential with her dilemma of either staying in the mortal world or staying in Halloweentown permanently. Of course Debbie Reynolds is still quite fun but takes more of a back seat in the plot, yet it really wouldn't be Halloweentown without her. I don't have a grudge against Daniel Kountz as warlock in training Cal who is our villain, he needs to play this kind of smarmy evil bastard and that's what he does but I feel he needed more material to work with to make it a good performance. Sophie and Dylan don't even get put in the backseat, they're practically thrown in the trunk which does kinda suck a bit because I like how they go about the magic business with Dylan, it's not so much a lack of belief or matter of faith in magic that keeps him from using it it's just that he relies too much on logic and reality to use magic, you just gotta have an open mind about it. The effects are decent, and I actually really gotta give props to the set designers with how Halloweentown is sapped of all life and festivity, giving everything a cold lifeless grayscale color pallete to both architecture and citizens, it's really damn cool looking almost noir-esque. I never really progressed past Halloweentown 2 in the series, I may have caught a bit of Halloweentown High a very very long time ago, but this was kinda it for me. But hey who knows, we may touch base on the other two films in the future. I give this movie a solid 3 stars, 7.5/10, and ohhh the things we will talk about next month. Bye for now...

Elemental

Alright Pixar, you did it again.

Elemental, not Elementals as I always want to call it is actually a pretty dang good movie. From the concept of the trailer alone I thought it would be a fascinating new way to essentially tell a romance movie and I'm happy to report it succeeds. Set in the metropolis of Elemental City a young girl named Ember is on the verge of inheriting her father's shop when a bit of a disaster strikes forcing her to come into contact with a city inspector named Wade as sparks fly and waves form. That's pretty much it, even though there was a bit of a setup for kind of a mystery when a floodgate breaks for unknown reasons that endangers the flame section of town, which I thought was gonna lead somewhere but never did. I feel that may have ended up on the cutting room floor, but hey they probably did it so it wouldn't be a reskin of Zootopia. Which...okay it's not overt but it kinda is Zootopia. The flame people are quite frankly discriminated against like Nick the fox, our main leads form an unlikely relationship, a large sprawling city split up in districts for each type or group, you can connect the dots. But don't let that deter you, they bring the originality in aces in so many other forms. I liked the animation style from the trailer, but being able to just drink in these visuals, the style, the abundance of colors goddamn it's another masterpiece of animation. I feel they were extremely deliberate in making a movie centered on elements, it pushes what a computer can do to amazing lengths on just how each element moves about, but the attention to detail in all aspects from characters to architecture is really quite special to behold. They wanted to show off and well done I say! The music is also truly special, I mean I absolutely adored the score and I can't even explain the influence or origin because I'm just not that much of an expert but it really worked for me! The relationship is actually really sweet but I feel ever so slightly bait and switched cause I infered that they would meet each other's respective parents so there's no horseshit liar revealed, 3rd act breakup, same old nonsense but it did. I did not like this. But the personalities of Ember and Wade are defined well and they are quite cute, it's honestly a breath of fresh air to see a guy have such unashamed and crystal clear acknowledgements of his emotions and opinions with no hint of hesitation which clashes well with her very pent up emotions and can't speak truthfully about what she thinks due to just her own personal inhibitions. I'm sure people will pathetically cry and obnoxiously bemoan the fact the movie goes "political" or "has an agenda" because well like I said the fire folk are heavily discriminated against and are potrayed as immigrants who live in their own private district, I mean it starts off as subtext but quickly becomes text but it never does the thing where every person in this city is a bigot except our main characters, far from it but some just hold more reservations to elements mixing. I had no problem with it and I think I would say it handles that material better than Zootopia, but I'm in the firm camp of it's not a problem unless you make it a problem. For what it's worth, it's a rock solid film and is worth seeing for sure if only just for the remarkable visuals. No joke, hand over my heart, for exactly one wonderful second I saw a shot just a simple shot of a motorbike and I said, that looks like real life. Cause it did. I'm...having a hard time believing I said such a thing but it's true, it blew me away. The future is now man. So thumbs up from me for sure, 3.5 stars, 8/10! Until next week everybody.

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Back. For a moment in time.

Sooo....I've lost count, how many subsequent years have they transferred animation to live action? Well they've been doing it since 2014 if you count Maleficent, but actually they've only gotten one out every year since 2019 but they slammed us with FOUR in that year alone so once more unto the breach! And shock twist everyone, I haven't seen The Little Mermaid since my pre-teen years and only remember these things which I shall list now. Our principle cast, the dog, four songs, we nearly got teen nudity when Ariel transforms, Ursula's design was based on Divine of Pink Flamingos fame and just drag queens in general, annnnd her dad had the biggest arc of all the characters. So mostly I'm walking into this blind, and I liked it okay. It's certainly no Cruella in my book but it sure ain't The Lion King levels of fucking useless either. It's decent, the story follows close to the original with some minor change ups, the cinematography is pretty good with no fear of using color or spectacle, the cast is solid, and I really only had two problems with the movie. The first being minor but too stupid to let slide, now I haven't seen the original in probably close to 20 years but I sure as shit don't think there was a brief rap segment in the movie. Seriously, what the hell?? Second, this isn't a detracting point at all it was just something in the back of my brain that kept poking me and saying hey this bothers me but, Ariel looks about 17 and Eric looks about 31, I have issues telling age because I'm old and kinda blind without my glasses, but it just kept striking me as odd. And yet I did like their romance, they had genuinely very cute and funny moments! Halle Bailey is uber adorable and effortlessly captures the wide eyed wonder, passion, and curiosity for the human world, I really can't say a bad thing about her even if I tried. Jonah Hauer-King is a decent lead, you can tell he has compassion and understanding which lends well to the budding romance and while they change his hypnotized state a the end and not for the better in my mind, solid. Melissa McCarthy as Ursula was a bit of a linch pin for me, cause I had no idea until fairly recently and I could see it going bad or good. She actually did quite well, got the drama queen personality, sported a Divine-esque look, and even sang well so no strikes there. Javier Bardem as King Triton, I'm always down for that man and while it is a minor part like in the animated film you still get a firm grasp on him being an overprotective father but they kinda did him dirty a notch by not showing regret immediately after he trashes Ariel's collection, it just gave him more of a dick edge. I think my favorite part of the entire movie is just how done Sebastian is with this shit chasing after this girl non-stop, it just made me laugh. I gotta say the movie sure showcased the beauty and horror of the sea, with more creatures and atmosphere than you can shake a stick at, but I do end up wondering how did they film the actors? Cause sure when it's the far away shots it's all computer, but how did they get them to float and swirl and have their hair move as if they did film underwater?? I have no idea so I guess movie magic isn't completely dead. I'm probably not gonna change anybody's mind on this movie and indeed it does feel like I'm shaking the rust off my typing fingers, but it's a decent movie. I didn't know what to expect so I expected nothing and got a movie that had moments I liked and ultimately walked out of the theater with another live action remake that didn't make me mad or sad. So victory is victory. And if nothing else this gives a redemption chance to those hack fucks who wrote such inebriated garbage dismissals of the animated movie. 3 stars, 7.5/10, and I guess more dimensional traversal next week so see you then.

A Bug's Life

Pixar time again, wrapping it up since I've reviewed nearly all of them.



Boy it has been a minute and a half since I watched this movie! Like over 15 years so I knew this was gonna be an interesting walk down memory lane, how does it hold up? I like it but that's all I'll give it. The story revolves around a colony of ants being harassed by a gang of grasshoppers for food, and a young imaginative ant named Flik journeys out to find warrior bugs to help solve their problem, he meets a group of circus performers who he mistakes for fighters, and has to come up with more plans to save the colony. It's pretty much Walt Disney's Seven Samurai in concept, obviously the movie goes about it's own way but the template is undeniable. And I gotta say for just the second Pixar feature film the animation genuinely holds up pretty damn good! It's stylized of course, there be no Lion King remake realism here, but the colors, the physics of certain natural elements, the environments themselves, it's solid man! I wasn't thinking the movie was gonna look aged to shit, but I also didn't truly notice such details when I was but a wee lad. In fact my complaints of the movie really just stem from the boring ass tired liar revealed trope, and even though it hardly takes up any runtime I fast forward cause I just don't like it. But the cast is really good, David Foley as Flik has a lot of youthful energy and fully knows he is a nuisance to the colony but he is just trying to do the best he can. Julia Louise-Dreyfus as the princess Atta has some nice chemistry with Flik and even has some humorous moments so it's anything but stale. Kevin Spacey as Hopper is the reason you should watch this movie period, and I couldn't tell at all that was his voice but he has some real moments to shine and aside from our circus crew made me laugh the most. Now there's a lot of people in the circus troupe so I'll narrow it down to 4 characters. Denis Leary as the ladybug Francis, even with not much to do is a welcome addition and again I couldn't place the voice. I may be getting more senile with each passing week folks. David Hyde Pierce as a stick insect named Slim may be my favorite, just his deadpan delivery and resentment to be a prop really hit my funny bone. Bonnie Hunt who I've come to realize has had history with Pixar before, appearing here, Monsters Inc., Cars, Toy Story 3, and Zootopia, plays a black widow spider named Rosie, I can't explain it I just love her voice and this kinda ditzy persona she brings, again not too much screentime but the woman has my attention. Last but certainly not least John Ratzenberger as their manager P.T. Flea, it's frickin' John Ratzenberger he's always awesome and his fast talking money grubbing persona was a joy to watch. The movie made me laugh a bit and whenever there was a laugh it was a strong one, it doesn't emphasize a lot of the comedy it's more about the story and while there are a slight few puns the performances are mostly what sells it. That and just the sheer uninterested look Hopper has when he literally crushes 3 of his goons to desth just slayed me. Something else I never noticed was, the sound design is very very good in this movie. The grasshopper wings droning, all the little sound effects of the natural environment when interacted with, hell I'll even go to say the movie has striking moments based on sound. Silence to thundering revs of the wings of grasshoppers, the slow but heavy footfalls as they walk through a dense fog, and the movie takes something as simple as rain and makes it feel fucking apocalyptic as you see it sweep across the land and bombard the anthill. That's impressive man, I cannot commend that more if I tried. It has striking moments, decent characters, animation that I feel entirely stands the test of time, and a basic story told decently. Is it great? No. But as a studios second film where they were still very much finding their footing after the powerhouse of Toy Story, I'd say it's okay. I give it 2.5 stars, 6.5/10, and tomorrow another trip down memory lane as we step through a doorway to visit working class individuals keeping their city up and running.

Hocus Pocus

Yeah, it took a minute didn't it?



I would like to go formally on record and say I was never a fan of Hocus Pocus, not to say I hated it and perhaps was a bit harsh on it as I got older when in actuality I'm pretty sure the last time I saw this movie I wasn't even a teenager yet, so clearly I was not one of the many who are like, aw man it ain't October until I watch Hocus Pocus. It just wasn't that big in my life and really, hand over my heart, I haven't had a traditional viewing of any movie or show during Halloween time until well in my 20s. So watching it with mostly new eyes again, how was it? I liked it, I think it's a fun little premise, no shock the witches are the best part (but not my favorite part), I wasn't expecting to like it as much as I did and the rose tinted glasses would fly off and it would be very dated and average at best, but it was good! Main characters are a bit ehhh, with Max and his young sister Dani who just moved to Salem during October as they try to get acclimated to new surroundings, they soon meet up with Max's crush Allison who kinda kickstarts this whole ressurection of 3 witches famous in the town, even though yes Max was a blockhead and lit up a magic candle. Whoops. And shazam! 3 witch sisters, Winnie, Sarah, and Mary arise to devour children's souls and let the good times roll. For a movie set in 1993 it isn't terribly dated and almost has a timeless look to it which no doubt helps in the sustaining of this movie's lifeforce for the past almost two decades. So...yeah, let's just talk about the witches. I barely know where to start. I don't think I had a favorite when I was young and I knooow Sarah Jessica Parker being all boy crazy as usual, yeah yeah I'm not that transparent, but friggin' Kathy Najimy cracks me the hell up in this movie! I don't know what it is but that woman had me guffawing and cackling throughout, but that is no admonsishing statement for Bette and Sarah. The sheer enjoyment and relish seeps from the screen every second they are on screen, they are having the times of their lives, and they are super funny and entertaining to behold! I know for a fact if we didn't have these three lady women in these parts, no way would this movie be so fondly remembered. Performances for those witches, 12/10! Easy! Kinda shocked me how this movie is a teeny touch dark, I mean you literally see the witches hanged but not in a gruesome manner, constant and blatant exclamations of hell and Satan, that book euughhh....heebie jeebies! That book freaks me out more than the Necronomicon from Evil Dead, still disgustingly bound in human flesh with gnarly stitch work, I think it's the eye man. That eye is a real eye, you cannot prove me otherwise, it looks so real. Props to them on the effects work in general truth be told! And I gotta say even for a Disney movie they made the appearance of a talking cat work pretty well in terms of the story, credit where credit is due. Best part, drumroll please, my guy Doug Jones as Billy. Always was my favorite part of the movie, still is, the man was robbed of precious screentime in my opinion, I love him. I'll admit, when the idea popped into my head we could see Billy again in Hocus Pocus 2 I flipped the hell out, I lost my shit, make it happen! That's my one wishlist hope for that movie, do not screw with my emotions damn it! You may be wondering, well what about our human characters? They're adequate. No fault of course by the actors, in fact I felt Thora Birch was the best of that trio they just don't got much to play with so they're just kinda ehhhh, okay. The visuals are really nice, the acting is super solid, the story is neat, the effects are well done, it's good but I wouldn't deem it great and I'm on the fence in terms of "Halloween classic" but I'll lean towards Halloween staple for sure. It is kinda weird though man, a lot and I do mean a LOT of witch stuff has cropped up since I touched on The Lords Of Salem, not just in reviews either. I literally watched Haxan before this movie, songs about witches have creeped into my mind, it seems like witchcraft has seeped into my life a good bit culminating today that at the library I work at we got a new book, The Book Of Practical Witchcraft. Coincidences have passed, they're after me. I'm gonna have fever dreams tonight of enchanting serenades and potion making. Fun fact true fact before I go, the male equivalent of a witch is still called a witch and not necessarily a warlock. Big misconception. 3 stars, 7.5/10, I'll let you know if I see daybreak tomorrow!

The Munsters

It's cute, don't be mean.




I was surprised like everybody else to hear Rob Zombie's next film would be an adaptation of The Munsters, and once I saw the trailer I was interested. I was looking forward to seeing it in theaters and was sideswiped by the Netflix and home video release instead, but I grabbed a DVD of it and so here we are on the verge of the most wonderful time of the year, and I gotta say I really liked this movie. Bizarre to see a Rob Zombie movie rated PG, but the whole movie is a bit on the weird side. The story more or less is how Herman met Lily and their eventual move to Mockingbird Lane, it's not a heavily plot centric film, it's a brightly colored, cute, fun piece of fluff movie and I adore it. In my own personal experience I've liked The Munsters a good deal, and while I undoubtedly am a much bigger fan of The Addams Family I can't disregard it by a long shot. I feel you can tell Rob Zombie does have a lot of affinity for the show, and without question gives this movie it's own flair and style. It is about as colorful if not maybe even more so than 1960s TV, containing that visual nuance that Rob Zombie has implemented in his films and music videos. The cast I felt did very well, taking mannerisms and the foundations of the characters but still making it their own and were pretty friggin' funny too. Jeff Daniel Phillips isn't trying to be Fred Gwyne who is a treasure and born to play Herman, but the guy has comedic timing and is completely believable as this character and if nothing else the man has my respect for wearing those platform shoes no matter what outfit he is wearing. Commitment. Sheri Moon Zombie is....I think this is honestly my most favorite of the parts she plays, Lily is beyond cute, funny, and charming I cannot fully express in words how much I was just head over heels for her in this. Speaking of which, the relationship between Herman and Lily is incredibly endearing and sweet, you can feel that immovable devotion to one another and it's very I guess uplifting if that's the right word. I mean it by Gawd rekindled some love in my icy black heart. Daniel Roebuck is awesome as The Count, and he had some giant shoes to fill after Al Lewis who man, I could praise that fella's devotion and love to Grampa Munster for a long whiles, and it was almost like seeing him back in the role one last time. It was my biggest reservation but the highest point of enjoyment for me, The Count is still my favorite part to this day. I actually forgot Sylvester McCoy was in this, so I lost my marbles for a brief moment getting to see my favorite classic Doctor Who flexing those honed comedy muscles throughout. I think the most underrated performance for me is Richard Brake as Dr. Wolfgang, many people are probably gonna write him off as scenery chewing over the top to the max, naw man. He is having the time of his life playing this melodramatic sophisticated doctor, and I'm just gonna say it I legit saw a bit of Vincent Price in his perfromance. I don't care, I meant what I said and said what I meant, the guy is great. Very lovely of course as always to see Cassandra Peterson even if it was just near the end, I'd recognize that voice anywhere and bless her for countless years to come. I know some people are going to really trash the production side of things, but I really honestly digged it. The colors are so rich and bold almost a neon saturated version of a Hammer film, the costumes and monster effects are quite good for a Netflix movie that probably didn't have a massive budget, the editing and cinematography are niche but fun, and the references. Whooo now! Boy howdy let me tell you! The second I saw the Universal logo from the 30s start the movie, I knew I was in for a trip. The Universal Monsters get some love here and rightfully so, all the clips and characters that pop up made the fanboy in me applaud. I know I'm gonna rattle off my mom's ear cause she really wanted to see this movie as well, so I'm just gonna be like oh yeah that's Nosferatu who was played by Max Shreck in 1922, Rob knows his audience and knows what we like. Which brings me to the point of the fact I know this movie is going to be so devisive and split down the middle for people, I think the fans of Zombie's works are gonna appreciate it and embrace the easy going, light, goofy fun atmosphere of the movie while others are just gonna unnecessarily assassinate it behind a shed and shove it in a woodchipper. Oh it's stupid, it's not funny, it has no plot, and so on and so forth. You don't make a movie that looks and proceeds like this unintentionally, it's meant to be a bright, enjoyable, silly piece of spooky goodness that you can throw on as a background movie for a Halloween party or watch with young kids and get some laughs out of. I was a grumpy bastard today but as I was making some dinner, sipping a red viscous fluid out of my skull glass, listening to some Ghost, and settled down to watch this movie I was a pretty happy camper and we're ending the night on a high note. Objectively it's maybe a 7/10, but for me I give it 4 stars, 8.5/10! And we got another Rob Zombie movie tomorrow that hint hint, nudge nudge, has some connective tissue to what other reviews come out this week. Happy nightmares everyone.

The League Of Super Pets

Oh thank God. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be.




Yeah, after a re-evaluation of The Batman and the very very good Snyder cut I needed this to be decent. Thankfully I can report it was okay, in terms of overall quality. It has a really neat art design, taking a lot of art deco/50s futurisic influence to the backgrounds and environments, with some pretty cool character designs for the human superheroes. The fact alone I get to see a Superman suit a la' Kingdom Come is pretty sick, Diana is somehow even more awesome looking than normal I mean woof (ha ha ha....), Aquaman is a neat mix of classic comics and Justice League Unlimited, we got a new Green Lantern I was not aware of and hello there madame I will research you immediately, poor Flash and Bats could have had more interesting designs to be honest, we even get a frickin' rad Mercy Graves so I'm pretty happy on that front. But the focus is of course on the pets and they are mostly miss for me, not much love for Krypto or Ace (and that is the only time I will speak blasphemy on the name of Ace), the pig PB was cute, the squirrel...eh, but my favorites were the geriatric turtle and not just cause she cusses and it made me lose my shit in the theater, and of course the villains. Kate McKinnon my babe, you once again are my shining star and play one of the unironically best villains I've seen in an animated film in some time and she has a pretty kitty henchman who is cute as heck and will annihilate your enemies with extreme prejudice. I want him. That's the thing with this movie for me, I don't particularly care about Krypto or his story, more the funny odd stuff that happens along the way. It's an average basic premise and plot but it is serviceable. The comedy actually got me more than I could have fathomed, the villain is brilliant but even then has some groaner jokes, the turtle was amazing but any kids movie that drops an F bomb whether censored or not has some respect from me, and the semi-Looney Tunes physical humor worked in places. I am taking this as a small victory, it wasn't bullshit from cover to cover it was just painfully adequate with some bright spots. I can live with that. 2.5 stars, 6/10, and we got only one more week before I take a summer break so we will go out with a bang.

Turning Red

A fair bit to unpack here.

I am still severely upset that this did not get a theatrical release, however I needed to get Disney+ for reasons that will remain hidden for a little while. So how actually was the film? Very good, I appreciated so much in it and how it told the story. I think this is the first Pixar maybe even Disney film set in Canada, Toronto to be precise as we meet Mei a 13 year old girl that finds out her ancestors gained a mystical ability to transform into red pandas, and it's a bit of a ticking clock before she stays a red panda forever while juggling life, friends, and her family. The first thing I need to get out of the way is dang near every brief headlining review of this movie hammers the point of, oh Pixar is tackling a metaphor about women's menstrual cycles, and I have never ever felt the mainstream critic press has missed the point so fundamentally entirely more if they tried. Granted they talk about it, it's more for the purposes of comedy than a real...not necessarily a dilemma but a hurdle to say the least that women go through, and even then it's only in the first maybe quarter of the film. No. This is a film digging it's heels so throroughly into the concept of self-identity, it's a true coming of age story told by the use of mysticism and giant red pandas. Mei transforms through extreme emotional responses and that is a monumental problem when you're a teenager, changes start happening both physically and mentally and she starts finding her own place specifically within her own family. She has a very overbearing mother, she does strive to reach perfection, and the changes that occur force her to make a stand. I mean at the end of the day, your mom and your dad are always gonna be your parents and you are always gonna be their child, but as you grow up that playing field shifts so much and it starts when the puberty hits. This is a film that shows a finding of one's identity, that conflicts with your parents are not always a bad thing and sometimes a necessary thing that has to happen, and all of it is told relatively straightforward. Sure near the end it becomes a "I'll never be like you!" climax, but it doesn't pull any punches and I feel can be a genuinely thoughtful and relatable film for young people growing up. The animation is stylized, it even kinda dips it's foots in the anime vibes closer to the end, but the designs and colors and movement are spot on. Mei is an adorkable sweetie and her friends are awesome to the absolute point where I'm not sure I could honestly pick a favorite. Abby is my first go to pick, short, mental, overdramatic, gosh dang precious, 10/10. However, Priya with her deadpan delivery and heavily Raven inspired personality I feel might be the most underrated of the group. And Miriam is just friends to the end material, confiding in Mei and reassuring her that she's doing okay and is alright, that's some god tier level friendship there. I feel the time period was a bit arbitrary, it takes place in 2002 but nothing really screams 2002 except the Tomagotchi and the friggin' boy band which albeit got a pretty hard laugh out of me seeing girls just lose their shit over these pretty boy singers, I was there in the times of N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys man, and arguably not much has changed with the K-Pop groups out there. Oh and I really really dig the chinese cultural bits we see with the food, the temple, the straight up friggin' Mulan inspired flashback, and the unbelievably f***ing beautiful bamboo forest where Mei meets her ancestor who first gained the power of the panda. That is some great stuff, and any excuse to put James Hong in a movie will get nothing but love from me. The comedy while not constant, when it hit it hit hard and I was having a damn good laugh, it shows very good examples of comedic editing so well done on that. I wouldn't say it's one of Pixar's strongest films but a cute, fun, well told story that has a meaning and a message without screwing it royally is hard not to enjoy. 4 stars, 8/10, I leave the decision however of how you see it up to you but just have some fun watching it.

Coco

Again, the hell are people doing not talking about this more?

I'm serious man like Coco is a great film, I rate it higher than Brave and I really really liked Brave! It shares some similar elements of films I've seen before like Corpse Bride and even Pixar's more recent movie Soul but it doesn't detract from the story, characters, animation, emotion, and entertainment this movie brings. I cannot talk about this plot too much because it really and truly not only hit me with a twist I had no idea was going to happen but it kinda is one of those movies that is incredibly hard to summarize. Every moment that takes our young protagonist Miguel on a journey to the land of the dead, leads into another pivotal moment in the plot. Obviously there's more to it than just a young boy that gets transported to the afterlife and has to get back in time, but just seriously take my word for it when I say it is a very good story that effortlessly and effectively plays your heartstrings like a harp and is some of Pixar's most recent best work. I think it genuinely belongs up there with old school Pixar movies like Toy Story and A Bug's Life, and new Pixar classics like The Incredibles and Finding Nemo. The animation is stellar, with terrific character designs, a color pallete that already was bright and vibrant but when you reach the afterlife it is kaleidoscopic in it's beauty. I love the total Grim Fandango design vibes the characters have in the land of the dead, and it must be commended how much pieces of mexican culture they put into this movie. I mean obviously with me being a person that hails from Texas, we're good neighbors with that country in more than just geography. I'm not even novice level in speaking spanish or even understanding it but I was getting lots of little bits of the dialogue, and I actually kind of commend the movie for not giving subtitles and it would be a trip to watch this whole movie in espanol. I really have so much praise to give this movie in many many facets than just blanket terms of animation, and story, and so on but I don't dare give anything away. There was only one part of the movie I took slight issue with and I'm not usually super personal here on the site but the family drama and severe mean spirited at times behavior of Miguel's family both living and dead brought back some not too great memories of my own. I wish I could say I was a better person and didn't pick sides and just say family is family, that forgiving someone shouldn't be an impossible thing to do. Compassion is not weakness, anger is not a solution, families are never perfect. But I chose my side, and while I do not hate them I can't fully forgive them. That's hard man, and the fact that an animated movie, a movie for young kids, can make me feel that way is...really something. The movie's theme essentially is memory, Dia de Muertos is a holiday to honor and remember family that is no longer around like they used to be, Miguel's great grandma has memory problems and it becomes a giant part of the finale, the fact that technically you can die and go even further beyond in the afterlife when no one remembers your name or who you are, but it does show comfort in the world after death and to cherish the memories of your family. And yet again very much like Brave, I feel it's a movie that's being forgotten. I don't hear that much talk about it since it came out just 5 years ago, and I find that just unforgivable bordering on criminal. It's almost kinda Soul before Soul, and while unabashedly different still has a meaningful message and similar ideas. I almost can't believe how strong the movie is, it's been a hot minute since we've had a week this good on this show and I can't guess what Turning Red will have for us but I'm looking forward to the future. 4 stars, 9/10.

Brave

Like man I am surprised I have not heard that much about Brave.

I vaguely remember seeing a teaser trailer of it back when but after that no one talked about it hardly, which I find inexcusable. Brave is a mighty good film, much better than I anticipated. It's a surprisingly simple but potent story where a young princess named Merida is at odds with her mom Queen Elinor about her getting an arranged marriage, Elinor feels it's keeping with tradition and to do it for the sake of the kingdom whereas Merida wants no part of it at all to the point where she meets a witch and asks if she can change her mom. Ask and you shall recieve and in a slightly worrying retread of Brother Bear the mom is transformed into a black bear, forcing Merida to figure out a way for her mom to change back while settling their differences. Now, on one hand I can see people hate this story going on about, oh Merida is just having some first world problems it's just marriage get over it and stop being so whiny, while other people including me focus more on the relationship between daughter and mother and side with Merida about choosing her own life. Cause both of them do things they regret before Elinor even becomes a bear, and it is a strong good story to see them reconnect and become better people with a better understanding of one another by the end. I got a lot out of it and Merida I think hands down is my favorite Disney princess. I mean you know me and red haired girls, and scottish women are on a whole other level entirely and damn them for being so amazing. The scenery was outstanding, I mean the scottish landscapes and forests looked so beautiful, not to mention the animation period was on top form as always from Pixar. I don't think many people would appreciate this as much as I did but I am so thankful and happy that the majority of the cast hails from the U.K., we actually get scottish actors to play scottish characters. Will wonders never cease? Kelly Macdonald was pitch perfect for Merida, bringing youth and energy to a untamed and adventurous spirit. Billy Connolly, king in the movie and king in my heart the man is a treasure. I have spoken. Emma Thompson, oh big shock does good work and while being that overcontrolling mom doesn't reach the point where you hate her, I dare even say in fact there's not a single character to hate intentionally or unintentionally throughout the film. We do however have to talk about Maudie for a minute. What the hell was that? Movie! I have not seen a more robust in the busty sense of the word, woman in an animated film since Anastasia. The bounce worried me, and the movie had the sheer force of will to give a shameless money shot, full extreme close up of cleavage and I'm just like, you're some right proper dirty bastards over at Pixar! What the flaming ostriches was that about?? Okay, rant over. It's a movie that deserves more credit than it's getting nowadays and I almost feel is becoming a Pixar movie that's being forgotten about which is a real shame. I personally give it 4 stars, 8.5/10, this is a dang good movie that I know can speak volumes for either younger girls or just anybody in general. Go check it out man, it is worth it.

Hotel Transylvania 4

I got so much to say about this, it's probably gonna get loud so strap in.

For those who have been around since the old eons if you ever wondered what in the holy high hell happened to my Hotel Transylvania 3 review, well I wrote it and posted it, the damn website only got the first half of what I wrote opening day, and months after the fact I had to slapdash the rest of the review from what I remembered. So I swear to God this review better come out in full. I'm seriously at a loss for words here. I cannot believe any of this. So not only was this film pulled from theaters, not only was it sold to Amazon, but they had the sheer balls to release it in JANUARY. Are you.....are you taking the piss?? Now, I will not give this movie good grief that production started in late 2019, I will not give the animation good grief that it had to be completed virtually in 2020, I will not give good grief for even recasting Adam Sandler and Kevin James in their respective roles. I will however say are you f***ing kidding me? This is the last Hotel Transylvania movie folks. That's it! Ablblbl, that's all folks! What?? This is how you end it? You know that movie franchise that nobody had any expectations for whatsoever and yet turned out to be a pretty good movie, and steadily became a Halloween tradition for a new generation every so years, and had mostly hit sequels? It's gone. No satisfying final ending, no good story, nothing. I really don't want to talk about it. Maybe it's just my senile old ass or these movies are not that memorable, but I was having a very difficult time extrapolating facts from the previous two movies. Is the little ginger kid of Johnny and Mavis a vampire or not? I thought he was but then he got hypnotized. I couldn't remember anything about Drac's new lady friend or what her relationship was with Van Helsing until they had to tell me near the end of the movie. Granted it's been awhile since I watched the second and third movies but it really shouldn't be that big a hurdle to jump in the first place. Alright alright, I gotta back up and relay plot. So the story, God help me, Jesus help me, everybody else help me, the story goes Drac is about to retire and place the hotel in the hands of Johnny and Mavis, cool I like that, we're progressing the story and giving meaningful character progression to people we have followed for 3 movies up to this point. But oh no, Johnny is still a f*** up and Drac doesn't like that though he allowed him to marry his daughter and has been a competent loving father and has been just a lovable fool undoubtedly part of this makeshift family of monsters, so you think after the events of the first movie where Drac lied to his daughter unnecessarily to keep her safe that he wouldn't tell a lie or fib or even slight exaggeration for the rest of his days, but nope. He says Johnny can't share holding the hotel with Mavis because he isn't a monster. Even though his daughter is a monster and joint ownership could still be primarily in her name, but he lies anyway. Great. So Johnny asks kooky old Van Helsing if he has any doohickey that can make him a monster, wonder upon wonders there is, and Johnny is turned into a dragon basically. Despite the fact that Mavis told him he was perfect just the way he is and shouldn't change no matter what, that tired old kids movie message shite. And hijinks ensue resulting in Drac and all his monster pals to become human, oh no it's a wacky time how are they gonna get outta this one? I'm glad you asked slowly drowning will to live, well you see there's a big crystal that powers the transmorpher thing and it breaks but not to fear because they flat out explain there's a crystal finder locator literally built into the contraption itself for no other reason than to expedite the plot, leading Drac and Johnny to travel to South America to find a new kyber crystal. Now. When I heard the premise of this movie, with Dracula becoming human and Johnny becoming a monster I thought it was an okay and could even be a fun premise, they could play around with the jokes for a good chunk of the film and it would be a good plot device for the characters on opposite sides of the board to better understand each other thus becoming more thoughtful and caring individuals in their family unit. Pffffft but why have that story when we can go for the tried and true buddy road trip movie, sprinkled with tired boring family "drama" with the gold standard of hack writing tropes, the liar revealed!! Isn't that great? Isn't that fun, creative, entertaining writing? I'll give you two guesses, and both answers are get f***ed. Ohhhh, ohhhh my soul hurts. It hurts man. I did not walk into this looking to trash a movie from a series I liked! I didn't have skyrocketing expectations, but I thought it would be fun. It's so old hat, and completely shits the bed with the writing. The animation is high energy and still really good, the humor is zany and I mean a loooooot of Looney Tunes inspiration went into this but you know what I like that, the voice cast still strong as ever. But if your story sucks, the movie cannot be salvaged. And I'm frick fraking flabbergasted that this is the end! No more Hotel Transylvania for you! So have fun with that shithead! I'm done, goodbye, good luck, and good riddance. 1.5 stars, 3/10.