The Goonies

I know, I know, took almost a decade to finally get around to Goonies. I was kinda surprised too!

It's funny, I was never heavily nostalgic for The Goonies and while I have seen the movie many many years ago probably before I was even a teen, it still holds up remarkably well! Set in a seaside town a group of friends in an attempt to save their homes from being torn down find a treasure map and against all logic or reason decide to go for it, surpassing traps and capture from a band of criminals hot on their heels for mass amount of booty. Yo-ho! For a movie just a notch over 1½ hours even I was surprised how much time they set everything up before the hunt begins, a good 20 to 25 minutes as a matter of fact which I get! We got a lot of characters here and while they are far from deep are immensely charming and memorable and I could talk about every single cast member truth be told because of how good the performances are and how I really couldn't dream of anyone else playing these kids and it kinda breaks my heart I can't delve into everyone in great detail, so I'll shoutout my faves. Sean Astin my man, I love you my man, has such an innocence and wonder about him at all this stuff even in the midst of a death defying task, easily the heart of the group. Of course I have to shoutout our king Ke Huy Quan, I believe this was right on the cusp of Temple Of Doom and his hair brained gadgets and wild persona was a sheer blast to watch and lowkey honestly has the best look out of all the characters bar none! Jeff Cohen need I really say more, asode from Sloth is the face of this movie in the popular culture and I have to admit he got the most laughs out of me very easily, and I strongly relate to a foodaholic that doesn't want trouble. John Matuszak even though he's not in the movie all that much, Sloth is a beast all of his own and despite the impressive prosthetics showcases a lot of love and fun and you wouldn't have to ask me twice to share some rocky road with him. I have no friggin' clue how they got Robert Davi to be in this because he is a man of intensity and awesome in his acting but it was nothing short of great to see him here. The production is absolutely top notch without a shadow of a doubt, LOTS of intricate and well designed sets, simple but good stunts, and a scale that even the main cast were blown away by when it came to, I shit you not, a fully built pirate ship! Sure there is some blue screen effects but my God this movie has some polish on it that is sorely missing from cinema today! And I guess the saying of "Brevity is the soul of wit" shines through here because it is a simple story with simple characters, but the writing and humor is so good you don't need an inch more than what is presented on screen. The humor often comes out of left field but got good strong laughs out of me at points throughout the film. It's just highly entertaining and no wonder people look at it so fondly and have became big fans of it! Anybody can watch it, anybody can love it, really and truly everyone on that crew deserves the praise. Great cast, solid director, a simple but engaging story, culminating in a film that has stood the test of time admirably. 3.5 stars, 8/10! Ooooh did someone say pirates in space tomorrow? Cause that's all I need!

Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter

Mmmm, this is where it gets tough.

Which do I like better part 2 or part 4? Even I'm a bit surprised when I say part 4 "The Final Chapter" is the best of the lot. After all my praise for the second movie, this really took those elements and boosted it to 11. I love the cast, the effects are pretty grand, the story works really well, and I was more invested in this than any that have come before it. So once again we pick up after the events of part 3, having an ultimate recap that make the Rocky movies burning with envy, with Jason being taken to the morgue and a group of teenagers are renting out a house next to the Jarvis family. But knowing Jason, all he needs is a power nap to recover from any head wounds and is on the hunt for fresh blood. I was heavily shocked with the characters this time around, it has to be quite possibly the only slasher movie where I wanted no one to bite the dust besides Halloween. I really enjoyed these people, and the cast must be commended for their work bringing personality and charm to them all. I genuinely got pretty good reactions from all of the death scenes due to the masterful work of Tom Savini who came back for the final round, and the cast who made these characters very likeable so it made me pull a gross out or shocked face every single time. Jason is at his best here doling out memorable kills galore and getting a improved facelift from last movie, and while it does suck to hear Ted White really detest the movie due to production troubles I still feel he's the best Jason yet. I had a great time with this movie, so dang memorable, so dang entertaining! From good and even funny bits of dialogue, to the best dance scene ever put to celluloid (don't try to fight me), the great effects, it's a wonderful time at the movies. 4 stars, I kinda want to give it an 8/10 and I think it deserves it so sue me, this is worth every second of your time. I mean you got Crispin Glover and Corey Feldman doing their thing and doing it well, and if that doesn't get that little .5 boost to an 8 then I simply have no clue what will. And to close this week out, I think this fandom is brilliant that no matter how many different video releases there are, no matter if it's on a box set with 11 of the Friday The 13th movies, it's always titled The Final Chapter. They know, I know, I appreciate a sense of humor like that, you're wonderful. Oh yeah go check out Dead Meat on the YouTube's too, it's quite honestly spectacular and their videos on this series are always a favorite of mine.

Next week, a movie series with a bit more spice from an interesting director.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

And no it is not called Turtles In Time! I will stab the next person who even dares compares that game to this horrible movie!

How do you royally screw up the Turtles going back to feudal Japan? Well the answer is this movie but come on this idea is pretty awesome! In fact it's practically a staple in the series and it makes sense, the Foot Clan was founded in feudal Japan, Shredder's ancestors are from Japan, you could even do some bullcrap revisioned history where the Turtles teach ninjutsu to combat samurai or even aid samurai becauses the practices and cornerstones of ninjutsu were founded when samurai were still a force to be reckoned with! But nooooo! You pull a nonsensical Back To The Future rip off with terrible villains, a dull story, lackluster fights, and downright painful dialogue that I wouldn't force upon any child! Ugh, okay gotta backtrack. So the story opens up with April again played by Paige Turco purchasing a antique that turns out to be a time scepter whisking away not just her but all the turtles back to 17th century Japan where some rebellion is being formed against a tyranical Daimyo which is actually a step below in rank from a Shogun but whatever, so the Turtles have to do battle to reclaim the scepter and return to their time. It honestly doesn't sound that bad written on paper but the devil is in the details and there are a lot of details to talk about. The costumes though still maneuverable look like ass and that's mainly because Jim Henson's studio had no part of the effects like in the last two movie due to a low budget, which also made it difficult to do everything else. The villains are stock, we have the Daimyo and a british....arms dealer(?) I have no clue who he is and neither are very interesting or even entertaining. The sets while done well in some instances are very few so get used to seeing the sewer, the castle, and the village cause that's about it. They got Casey Jones back, same guy and everything which is really awesome cause he still has that charm and sense of humor but he is 150% wasted!! That sucks dude, he's a lot of fun in this movie and it was great seeing him back but he didn't have anything to do! I could totally see him beating the crap out of soldiers with his various sporting goods, hitting on every cute asian girl he sees, and the more I think about it he would be a regular Jack Burton from Big Trouble In Little China! Come on! That would be so cool! But no, wasted potential. The fights though on occasion shows the physical prowess of these stunt actors, just fall so short. It is about turtles who know ninja fighting styles versus samurai, how can you be this boring?? And the worst crime of all is the writing, the jokes are horrendous and sometimes make less than zero sense, the dialogue itself sometimes isn't bad but it's on such rare occassion you just check out. God this really pisses me off now, because the first movie was just right in every aspect and was honestly a great and fun movie for kids that even adults could enjoy and sit through, then we get to the second where it's a bit more silly and corny but you can watch it as a guilty pleasure because you still have fun with it's absurdness. But this? Ugh. Stay away. Just...just don't. The Nostalgia Critic's reaction was pretty spot on, and created the perfect word to describe it. Now all I want to do is watch the first movie and about 3 Kurosawa movies to wash this garbage out of my mouth. And you should too, watch the first movie and a combination of Throne Of Blood, Sanjuro, and Ran. Done! Perfect! Skip this horrible death of a promising series of Ninja Turtle action. I also highly recommend the Critic and AVGN's reviews as well, very entertaining and can put it into better perspective. And I have an update for everyone this Saturday. Damn! What a bad movie!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Yeah we're getting 90s in here people so strap in.

Yeah another reptilian movie after Godzilla but I got news for you, I was having the time of my life. Time for backstory! When I was 6 years old I owned this movie on VHS, I never heard of the cartoon, read the graphic novel, or anything. It was just a movie about fighting turtles and I absolutely loved it, I used to watch it and the second movie all the time and now over 15 years later I think I love it even more. I was a kid again watching this movie, quoting lines left and right, loving the fights, but I appreciate so much more now and I've gained knowledge about the making of the movie. See kids way back in the day before I was even a gleam in my mother's eye Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ruled the world, every kid loved it, there was merchandise coming out the ears, it was insanely popular in the late 80s and pretty soon producers wanted to make a movie. But absolutely no one wanted to do it, they had to take it to New Line Cinema who was still in it's infancy at the time to make it, and they really gave it their all. They wanted a more gritty, more badass edgy movie for teenagers but still make it suitable for kids and they exceeded spectacularly. It perfectly walks that tightrope of not being excessively violent and dark but also not being just another kid's movie fluff that parents would mentally check out on. The movie is hilarious but knows when to take it's time for mood, character, and even a tiny touch of atmosphere and they do everything so well. I know I'm just fanboying the hell out over this movie but it's true! This movie is fricking awesome man! It cherry picks the best elements of the cartoon and graphic novel to create a well done story, a crime wave of massive proportions has hit New York City done by thiefs with superior stealh abilities and it's not too long before we meet our heroes who with the help of a news reporter start fighting the mysterious attackers. It's incredibly basic but that doesn't mean it's boring or old hat. They treated it seriously and wanted to make a good movie. That is immediately recognized in the animatronics of the turtles, sweet heavenly pizza it is phenomenal! I'm serious they look so real it's ludicrous and they're not stiff puppets, you see them do flying kicks, cartwheels, roundhouse kicks, the costumes are done so well that it does not hinder the stunt performers and it is phenomenal! And of course it wouldn't be the turtles without their distinct voices, all given with such personality and charm that just deepens your immersion. And the soundtrack is rad from beginning to end! It's just...guys, watch this movie again if you haven't already it really is done incredibly well in all departments. And if my gushing love for this movie doesn't convince you, for the longest time this was the most successful and profitable independent film yet taking nearly a decade before it was topped by The Blair Witch Project in 1999. That's quite a reputation! I cannot recommend this movie enough, if you have an hour and a half to spare with friends order a pizza and have a movie night, especially if you were fans of it when you were younger. So after such a great opening entry, did the sequel continue the trend? Are Pogs still a thing? Well tune in tomorrow to find out!

The Lost Boys

Thankfully not a rerun of Fright Night.

Though I haven't really heard of the impact and cult following this movie created, I understand why it is loved. Welcome the Emmerson family to the town of Santa Carla, a nice place to live, and idyllic for it's beaches, boardwalk, and youth culture. But the town harbors a dark secret, most prominently found in a biker gang who has a penchant for nightly escapades and feeding off of fresh blood. This is The Lost Boys. A fine film to be sure, with a great setting, good characters, comedy, and some good atmosphere as a cherry on top. Lord have mercy this is some 80s goodness that I had no idea I needed. This movie put me in a great mood, it's just fun, it never takes itself too seriously and even when it gets intense you're never scared out of your wits. I think what helps that is the Frog brothers played by Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander are great, always using this tough guy voice and the acting does nothing but make me have a blast. Kiefer Sutherland is a great villain lead, as I'm sure many people can imagine. The two Coreys have good chemistry and was the first of a few films they did together. Joel Schumacher did good work here for sure, making a new modern classic for vampire lovers. I recommend this for a movie night with friends, or if you just want some light scary movie material. Good movie, happy I saw it at last, can really appreciate the fanbase it has, and no doubt will see it again in the future. A solid 3 star movie! But now we shift gears for a time into the hardcore stuff, starting with the most colorful horror movie in history Suspiria.