An Extremely Goofy Movie

Shit son I am getting old.

Story time! While I never even heard of the first Goofy movie, I actually had this on VHS back when I was most likely 5 and watched it regularly, and boy howdy this movie may have have left an impact on me I'm only just now rediscovering. The story I feel is somewhat better and somewhat worse than the last, with Max heading to college and pretty soon after Goofy has to go back to school for a better chance of employment (You remember when college meant something?), and then they get embroiled in the X Games which is a whole other ass story and...I'm split. The last movie was very much Max's film despite the title but here the focus is split between our two leads and their subsequent college lives, and while I do understand both characters have stories to finish I do wish it could have focused on just one. I honestly adored Goofy's story in this movie, from that almost akin to a death in the family loss when your kid goes to college which honestly kinda cut me deep and it did even more so when I was younger even if I was too young to fully comprehend why, to him finding a girlfriend, to him being able to let Max be his own individual, that's a pretty friggin' strong story all by itself! Whereas with Max I almost feel like all the character growth from last movie got thrown into the incinerator and we're back to square one, with him wanting nothing to do with his dad and just wants to compete at the X Games which leans a little too close to character assassination for me personally, and there's just nothing even slightly interesting going on in his story. Hell I was having more fun seeing PJ get this sassy hipster girlfriend and their background relationship more than Max's story. The voice acting is still just as good even on a direct to video production, Bill still has such a wide range of emotions to play with and interesting dynamics to keep it entertaining, Jason leans heavier into the young adult angst and cockiness which fits the story even if it isn't that engaging. Bebe Neuwirth I feel is criminally underused as Sylvia, Goofy has a girlfriend and why the fuck are people not talking about that? This dorky ass, nerdy, redhaired librarian is such a sweet presence and the relationship feels real although I'm screaming to the heavens for it to be expanded upon in the still 82 minute runtime. They vastly deserved more on screen time together and for a Disney animated movie, that could have broke all new ground. Jeff Bennett was pulling overtime on this production with three characters including our main antagonist Brad, who my God is he hateable for such a stock jock character so props to him on that! The animation quality has dipped a notch as is common with direct to video material but it's far far from bad, with pretty solid use of color, rather fluid animation for a budget, and can have some scale to it when needed. This damn soundtrack though, holy shit! How is it that the cheaper movie has a better soundtrack than the theatrical film, with Pat Benatar, John Avila, Carmen Carter, and the friggin' Partridge Family?? And it's not covers either, it is flat out the song! We get a Saturday Night Fever dance sequence for crying out loud! So I guess my love for disco started at a young age. You see what I mean? Some aspects are maybe a little too good and some are just average at best! It's fairly aggravating I must say. Which does make me understand why absolutely no one brings up this movie, it makes the first movie seem almost hallowed but the good stuff shines bright even amidst all the other stuff. I still was super happy to revisit this movie which I probably haven't seen in 20 years and though it didn't hold entirely up I can still recommend it. 2.5 stars, 6.5/10!

A Goofy Movie

Don't ask me why, madness just striked.

Though in all seriousness in the near decade I've been doing this I haven't given a lot of love to the 2D animation department at the house of Mouse so I figured it couldn't hurt. I have not seen this movie before but I certainly have heard about it, it's kind of an interesting case of nostalgia for many it would seem though it's far from a house hold name, definitely a cult hit in my estimation. It's a fairly grown up story about Goofy and his son Max starting to hit that era of the generational gap and how a father and son are trying to reconnect amidst the backdrop of a road trip movie, and what I vastly enjoy so much about it and can even respect it a good deal is it doesn't really pull any punches. There is frustration, there is a lack of listening, there's dare I say depression at times, so it doesn't surprise me why people hold it near and dear to their hearts. Now granted this was a follow up to the Goof Troop television series but trust in me when I say you can watch it without the backstory, and that point is even further compounded when we get to the sequel tomorrow. It really can be it's own singular thing and that's a luxury compared to nowadays! And being an animation project in the 90s it has that distinct look and feel to the era, and I kinda had this little epiphany strike me while watching which is, the 90s was the last gasp of when old could mix with new. Now what do I mean by that? Well simply put, a lot of the comedic elements are things I have seen in Looney Tunes and Three Stooges shorts but that juxtaposition of the generational gap is present even there with the slick, colorful, and modern animation style. Bill Farmer does a very good job playing Goofy who admittedly out of the classic original lineup of Disney characters might be my favorite, he still has that highly animated sensibility but can show emotion of wide degrees that gets you invested. Same for Jason Marsden as Max, you know what he's going through with the angst, and the crushing on a cute girl, and how he wants to distance himself from his dad but not in a mean spirited or despicable way. He's a kid who's growing up and that has been proven time and again as good drama for stories. It very much centers on these two throughout for the less than 90 minute runtime, but I'll of course shoutout Kellie Martin, Jim Cummings, and Rob Paulsen who all still put solid work in and easily elicited reactions from me both ppsitive and negative. The only real problem I have with the movie is dear lord, it just flies by! Sure it takes it's time when needed but when we are nearing that climax, it's going at warp speed and I honestly feel there were chunks left on the cutting room floor, and the climax itself is like...3 minutes before firmly shifting back into falling action and resolution not long after. If memory serves this was a theatrically released film which perplexes me further why it's as short as it is, but I heard the production was kind of an uphill battle and it really came down to the wire to get the film done and out so I can't be that mad at it and I'm not really, it's just kind of a bummer it isn't longer. The songs are mostly ehhhh but seviceable, the animation quality is worthy of a theatrical picture, the story is basic but certainly quite good, and I am pretty happy to say I've finally seen it. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and I'll see you next time.

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Back. For a moment in time.

Sooo....I've lost count, how many subsequent years have they transferred animation to live action? Well they've been doing it since 2014 if you count Maleficent, but actually they've only gotten one out every year since 2019 but they slammed us with FOUR in that year alone so once more unto the breach! And shock twist everyone, I haven't seen The Little Mermaid since my pre-teen years and only remember these things which I shall list now. Our principle cast, the dog, four songs, we nearly got teen nudity when Ariel transforms, Ursula's design was based on Divine of Pink Flamingos fame and just drag queens in general, annnnd her dad had the biggest arc of all the characters. So mostly I'm walking into this blind, and I liked it okay. It's certainly no Cruella in my book but it sure ain't The Lion King levels of fucking useless either. It's decent, the story follows close to the original with some minor change ups, the cinematography is pretty good with no fear of using color or spectacle, the cast is solid, and I really only had two problems with the movie. The first being minor but too stupid to let slide, now I haven't seen the original in probably close to 20 years but I sure as shit don't think there was a brief rap segment in the movie. Seriously, what the hell?? Second, this isn't a detracting point at all it was just something in the back of my brain that kept poking me and saying hey this bothers me but, Ariel looks about 17 and Eric looks about 31, I have issues telling age because I'm old and kinda blind without my glasses, but it just kept striking me as odd. And yet I did like their romance, they had genuinely very cute and funny moments! Halle Bailey is uber adorable and effortlessly captures the wide eyed wonder, passion, and curiosity for the human world, I really can't say a bad thing about her even if I tried. Jonah Hauer-King is a decent lead, you can tell he has compassion and understanding which lends well to the budding romance and while they change his hypnotized state a the end and not for the better in my mind, solid. Melissa McCarthy as Ursula was a bit of a linch pin for me, cause I had no idea until fairly recently and I could see it going bad or good. She actually did quite well, got the drama queen personality, sported a Divine-esque look, and even sang well so no strikes there. Javier Bardem as King Triton, I'm always down for that man and while it is a minor part like in the animated film you still get a firm grasp on him being an overprotective father but they kinda did him dirty a notch by not showing regret immediately after he trashes Ariel's collection, it just gave him more of a dick edge. I think my favorite part of the entire movie is just how done Sebastian is with this shit chasing after this girl non-stop, it just made me laugh. I gotta say the movie sure showcased the beauty and horror of the sea, with more creatures and atmosphere than you can shake a stick at, but I do end up wondering how did they film the actors? Cause sure when it's the far away shots it's all computer, but how did they get them to float and swirl and have their hair move as if they did film underwater?? I have no idea so I guess movie magic isn't completely dead. I'm probably not gonna change anybody's mind on this movie and indeed it does feel like I'm shaking the rust off my typing fingers, but it's a decent movie. I didn't know what to expect so I expected nothing and got a movie that had moments I liked and ultimately walked out of the theater with another live action remake that didn't make me mad or sad. So victory is victory. And if nothing else this gives a redemption chance to those hack fucks who wrote such inebriated garbage dismissals of the animated movie. 3 stars, 7.5/10, and I guess more dimensional traversal next week so see you then.

Strange World

Good for you Disney, doing something different.

Needless to say the trailer for this pretty much sold me, a fantastical world with many strange, strange creatures. Let's go. So what did I think? It certainly deserves better than a 5/10 on IMDB, but I do have slight issues with it. So our story takes place on the town/continent/planet(?) of Avalonia where a group of farmers are recruited to travel to the center of the earth to seek out the quite literal root of their problem as their energy sources are depleting. Not super radical in terms of story but for Disney it is new ground. I like our main leads, you do feel the family dynamic and I'll admit the relationship between Searcher and Meridian was really dang sweet. Hell props to them for giving a quite cute blooming romance between two guys, if only for a brief moment. However! I have never seen a script so embroiled in a tug of war in my life. Because the plot focuses as much on generation gaps as much as this wonderful world, and at certain points I'm like, oh wow movie you're not going for some tropey cliches of bickering family members and them totally not opening up their emotions. We get some solid open hearted conversations that I feel are good discussions.....and then they ruin it. It's like every step the characters take forward which happens fairly often, every single time is pulled right the hell away and they regress ten steps back. So why should I believe anything they say and get invested when they turn their backs almost immediately on what they just said! It's so aggravating man. Now the character designs are fine, the environments are nothing short of fascinating and amazing to see, the creatures are so imaginative, and yeah the movie throws a curveball that I never suspected even though I was calling out elements of it early on unknowingly. So the visuals once again are the strongest point of the film, which is not good because they were soooo close to getting this dialogue and characterization down but just fumble it bad. And you spend the entire film with these people and their emotional problems to fix, so it hurts the score. Visuals, excellent crossing over into art at points. Story, basic but interesting. Characters, infuriating but have their good moments. Do I recommend it? Ah, it depends on the individual. This isn't new heights for Disney but it's decent and has a good message about environments and how planets themselves are lifeforms. So....I give it 2.5 stars, 7/10, and tomorrow we really diveboard into the bizarre and you'll be surprised what it is. Keeping you guessing for almost 8 years, I'm proud of that.

In Retrospect: Cruella

Oh honey, you knew I couldn't stay away for long.

What the hell was I thinking giving this an 8.5/10? F*** off, it's better than that! God I took too long to see this again. So big spoiler alert incoming, I still love this movie and I appreciate it even more now. Emma Stone, heaven help me I will crush on you forever in this movie, I cherish you, you are unbelievably good, and because of that performance people will choose sides on who's best. I was too busy revelling just like her in this performance but on a somewhat deeper analysis the second go around she gets a lot of emotion and such creativity and drama too in her performance. I genuinely got some goosebumps when she has the big confession scene and she says, "I am not like her. I am better." and the movie still gets a rise out of me (you filthy bastards shut it) where even though I know what's going to happen I'm still like, oh-ho you go girl punch the f*** out of her! I still get so invested in the story, and a tremendous deal of that goes to Emma Thompson. I mean my God, it's been a minute since I've seen a movie villain so heavily narcissistic and so easily hateable but in the most enjoyable way, just how flippant and yet so mean she is just wows me everytime. Now we got to talk about the stuffs I couldn't talk about before, because of the twists. I wasn't hating the fact Cruella was the Baroness' daughter, bit soap opera but I can roll with it. I really and truly have no issue at all what they do with classic Disney characters as long as they are interesting, fun, and memorable characters despite their own unique spins. My God people get so up in arms over the silliest things. Oh she can't like dogs, oh they softened her up for the kids, blah blah shut the hell up blah, I have no patience for closed mindedness. Yeah, it's pretty screwed up to want to skin dogs for a coat but I didn't hear people get so up in arms over Glenn who people adore in this role and I know it's a younger Cruella and the Cruella we have always seen is a bitter, old, terrible woman so she has time to grow into that. So it's different. Different and good! Huzzah, rejoice for it is not a shot for shot remake of 101 Dalmatians. Innovation, it's grrreat! This tangent will never die but it will be placed back in the box...for now. Okay so the Reichenbach Fall, I loved the idea, totally thought she was gonna either push the Baroness off or pull her off arm in arm, I mean we already had one murder onscreen, onward to two warp factor 1! My only issue is we see how she survived the fall, I didn't like it in the theater and I sorta don't like it now, I would have kept it a mystery because it can be symbolic that Disney villains never die because they are so amazing or something. But I mean those are two brief small problems I have with a movie I love unconditionally. It's great, it's fun, it has it's own style and identity, the story is entertaining and not too out there, the performances are top notch, the design of...everything is class, the music is so much of what I love. We are bumping this baby up and I...may put it at number 1 for the top 10 list. Just saying. I'm not backing down, it's a contender. 4 stars, 9.5/10, I could feel the collective disgust and hate of Disney purists out there and it just gave me a little bit of a thrill, mm that felt nice. Kind of a good buzz going here so let's keep it going with one more before the month of nightmares begins.

102 Dalmatians

Alright, looking back on it all it's a bit naff.

Do not ask me how or why there was a sequel, released 5 years after the first one and is certainly fitting that ill bill of health of Disney sequels, because I will never know. I do know however I saw this on a school field trip to the theater a very, very long time ago, and watched it many a time on VHS back then...for some reason. It is undeniable the main draw of the first film was to see Glenn Close as Cruella, the first time a classic Disney villain was brough to life in live action, yet she is the only reason to view this movie in your life. You already got me movie with this very good opening showing Cruella, through the always helpful and not at all harmful or disturbing electroshock therapy has been rehabilitated and has a great affinity for dogs and a disgust for fur. This really should have been the entire film, or at least the majority of the film. You hear she has transformed for the better, starts taking positive steps in life and disowns her old personality, then bam something snaps pretty much keep the absolute best scene of the film when she reverts back, then spend time with her scheming, recruiting new accomplices, and ready to finish what she started in the first movie but be thwarted. Done, beautiful, perfect. I thought that purely on the fly in about 2 minutes, the screenwriters had 5 years and we got this. I was so disinterested in the plot when Glenn wasn't on screen, and bless the actors they are doing decent work here but the script just ain't here for them. Yeah sure the budget is fine with more location shoots in London and apparently even Paris, a pretty excellent designed and fully working factory for the finale, conveyor belts and all which fair dues is done right and done well, even the technology technique to erase spots for a dalmatian is done pretty seamlessly, it's not beyond terrible but it isn't all that good either. I honestly could watch an entire film where Glenn and Gerard scheme about their crimes, bicker about fashion like an odd couple, and bully poor Tim for a feature length runtime, they gel quite nicely together and as I said they are the highlights. Much better than this romance, meet cute, tiring story with the humans. I'm sorry but the protagonist story is so bland and heavily predictable, I was checking out often. Pretty much the first 40 minutes, besides a few scenes with the blossoming couple, is the highlight of the film. Glenn still gives it her all, it's really the little moments that push it over the top for me, from seeing her be so sweet and gentle voiced, to her werewolf-esque transformation, to the look she gives when Tim said he got rid of a dog like "Well I have greatly underestimated you darling, very nice.", she's fabulous. Oh God, the music, good lord I nearly forgot about it. It will never leave. Digga Digga Dog and Freak Out will be in your head for days no doubt, pray for what's left of my sanity. I haven't the foggiest why I enjoyed this movie a fair deal when I was young, but then again I thought every movie was great when I was 5. Because I didn't know better and had hope in my soul. Just watch a few clips and call it a night, 2 stars, 5/10. I take comfort in whatever happens Friday, it will be better than this.

101 Dalmatians

20 years since I last watched it, so how does it hold up?

Now I know this isn't technically the first Disney live action remake but honestly who even remembers the 90s Jungle Book? Nobody, I don't even think it should count since it tries to stick more to the books and not do the animated film again. So this is the first technically, at least for me. It's...mixed, not so much on production or story but primarily on the tone. The tone in this movie is beyond scatter brained, it's almost inherint because the plain fact of the matter is, the story concerns a group of puppies being stolen with the intent of being killed, skinned, and made into a fur coat by the one and only Cruella DeVil as a rescue attempt is made to retrieve the pups. So it kinda has to tightrope a quite dark and screwed up main story, but still put the ha ha funny funny moments specifically for kids, young kids at that and it doesn't always pull it off. Now production wise, it's done really really well. Location shooting in London, screenplay by John Hughes and yes I'm still reeling from that revelation, a mighty great cast I mean the star power they have here is kinda unreal, the animal training is highly commendable, set design primarily for Cruella's places is wonderful, all the elements are there. It's just the flip flop between cutesy, and weird and f***ed up that bothers me. I mean this movie will put the fear of DeVil in you boy, Glenn Close is terrifying yet incredible in this role. There isn't a fraction of a shadow of a doubt in my mind's eye she is the only reason anyone watches this movie. She's just that good! But that's not at all to say the rest of the cast isn't good, hell I'd say easily the second best actor in this is Hugh Laurie, it really is like if the Prince Regent took up being an accomplice it's beautiful. Of course I have to shout out Mr. Weasely himself Mark Williams, I think him and Hugh work very well together. Even our main couple played by Jeff Daniels and Joely Richardson do good work. And the more I think about it this was my first experience for so many actors when I was like 5, Glenn, Jeff, Hugh, Mark, actors I've come to appreciate and love in 2 decades time. I know I haven't talked much about the dogs and while the animals are trained really impressively, I didn't think they were that big a part of the story, strange though that may sound. Heck the 15 puppies birthed doesn't even occur until the 40 minute mark in this almost 2 hour film, and you get brief moments of cutesy stuff but I could not help but focus more on the dark stuff. I mean this movie freaked me out a fair bit when I was young, the skinned tiger was f***ed up and upsets me more now, Skinner was a creepy character and hasn't lost much of his edge despite his low screen time, Christ just hearing Glenn scream got a startle out of me often that woman is either go all or go home. There's flat out horror movie shots at times which I do kinda love but then I remember the title and audience demographic and I'm just like, yikes. True there were parts I didn't like, for instance our main couple decide to get married because the dogs have fallen in love. I see no faults in logic there. Plus the fact this movie brought a fair bit of 1995 to memory, I mean God I'm aging by the minute here at this point. I have no issue saying I watched the second movie more than the first when I was young so that will be fascinating to see so many years later. This film I give 3 stars, 7/10, catch you next time for 101+1 more doggos.

The Watcher In The Woods

Yes in the early 80s, Disney, a corporation built around child friendly and wholesome entertainment (for the most part) made a legitamate scary movie. Not a scary scene that might freak your kids out, an entire film designed to scare them. Intrigued? Good.

The Watcher In The Woods is a decent scary movie. Since it's Disney the horror comes from pure atmosphere and chills rather than gore or anything like that, and it works incredibly well. A new family has recently moved to a house for a brief time and already their two young daughters sense something is out there in the woods, leading to the discovery of a girl that mysteriously disappeared 30 years ago. So it's up to our main character Jan to decipher the events and quell the force in the woods that seems to have taken a liking to following her. I must tremendously commend Disney on taking a chance on a movie like this, and they did a decent job to make the audience uncomfortable and creeped out, and it kicks off right when the movie starts with misty shots of the forest leading to quite possibly the most unexpected use of camera tracking in the history of film. Friday The 13th really made this style of camera work popular and whether or not the film took influence from it, the results are just as good or dare I even say better than the Friday The 13th series. And it happens several times, each one different than the last, so it's not just oh there it goes following her through the woods again, it keeps it fresh and thusly keeps you on your toes. There's some great camera work that builds this haunting atmosphere, and there are some points where the movie literally tries to distance itself away from the suspense. There's one scene where the family attends a dirt bike race, and it's almost as if the movie said, "The hell is this bike racing nonsense! This is a horror movie, you're not getting out that easy!" cue creepy cam and a flippin' exploding bike aimed at Jan! Dude, that not only further forces this feeling of dread and that the characters cannot escape this force but also gives enough time for more little kids to have a moment to breathe and not be constantly freaked out. Good job movie! I never seen that before. It's not a movie that will make older people shake in their seats and get paranoid, but they can enjoy and appreciate what the film was trying to do and how they did it. It's for kids from like maybe age 6 to early teens, maybe even teens. And you know what, there kinda needs to be more of that. I've said it before but it bears repeating, there's really not that much scary movies you can show kids and I mean that as in a scary movie targeted for kids. I watched the Universal Monster movies around the age of 7 or 9, even though horror movies were not my bag I still liked them. Plus I was actually allowed to watch them, I couldn't deal with stuff like Nightmare On Elm Street or Texas Chainsaw Massacre at that age nor could I watch it. Which is why when I find movies like this I feel obligated to talk about them, because they could turn out to be fondly remembered classics for kids nowadays. Plus they can be seen as good movies and even appreciated beyond the kids movie label it bears.

And one more before the real game begins. Tune in for my 400th review, Something Wicked This Way Comes.

Christopher Robin

I don't think I've ever cried in a theater before.

It's everything I wanted and more. If this was the last movie I ever saw or reviewed, I think I would be quite happy. Curse you Disney and your hold on my childhood, this movie shouldn't be so good but it is. It takes a more deep and moving approach while still being fun, charming, wonderful, and of course perfect. Ewan McGregor is always nice to see in a movie, and he is very Mr. Banks for lack of a better term for I'd say half the movie even after meeting Pooh and going on a adventure, but he's still so nice and has that charm to him. Christopher's daughter Madeline is also quite wonderful too, and I don't think I need to say a word about our friends from the Hundred Acre Wood. They're all perfect, perfect voice, perfect character, perfect look to the point where I desperately want them all. But the movie is more than happiness, with it tugging on your heartstrings with reckless abandon and made me severely emotional. You can keep all the moments in film history, Disney or otherwise, that made you emotionally wrecked cause I think this tops even UP and that was an emotional movie. It fits that special kind of bittersweet, melancholy movie like Her or Lost In Translation, where you love it so and yet it breaks your heart. The best parts though are the sort of reflection moments, like we see at the end of the first movie, they have those moments that elevate the film from fun family movie to one of the best movies made. And a lot of that comes from how Christopher grew up, he got sent to a boarding school where soon after his father passed away, he enlists in the army and actually fights during World War 2, and returns home to his wife and 3 year old daughter. I mean dang man, that's a shock to the system! There's plenty of fun, charming, and humorous scenes but I'm so glad they decided to go a bit farther and make it more than a family movie. I won't divulge into plot because well, you probably already know how it goes from the trailer but I will tell you it ends nice. Better than nice in fact. There are some beautiful atmospheric shots, and the film couldn't look more pretty in my opinion. I'd tell you to go see it but I have a feeling you probably already have. And I will miss being here, if it's only for a little while. But I promise to be back and we'll have more movies to see and enjoy.

Winnie The Pooh (2011)

I feel so bad not seeing this movie until now because it is quite wonderful.

I'm kinda surprised the film got a theatrical release, a rare thing indeed for Pooh, but the film barely scrapes by an hour! And even more so, this was Disney's last hand drawn film which is a real shame because it looks very, very good. So we start in a very familiar way and in a familiar setting, where the inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Wood have discovered that Eeyore has lost his tail and they all venture to find it, later finding a letter by Christopher Robin that they misunderstand as a warning against a terrible creature known as a backson leading our friends to try and trap the creature and relocate Eeyore's tail. This sounds basic, but let me tell you this was a blast to watch. The writers really must be applauded because there is so much good humor and funny moments it keeps the movie going in unique ways. There's even more fourth wall humor, way more funnier than last time which is a joy to see. It's similar in style to the original movie, yet has it's own unique look and story. Voice cast is still really good, with Jim Cummings doing great work though I have to admit Tigger kinda sounds like Bill Murray in Caddyshack. Special love goes to Kristen Anderson-Lopez who plays Kanga, I can't explain why but she is pure magic in this movie and for such a small role she brings such enjoyment for me. It's short, it's sweet, it's wonderful. And I cannot wait for Friday, but also sadly it will be the last review for a good long while, at least until late September then we come back full force. Until Friday good friends.

The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh

As with everyone no doubt, I'm very happy to see Christopher Robin this Friday. But what makes so many people love Winnie The Pooh?

Well, the books are classics and written to where anyone can enjoy reading them. These cartoons started as just shorts before they were compiled into one movie and it's done so well you never probably knew. This was one of my favorite Disney tapes when I was young along with The Aristocats, The Jungle Book, and Toy Story so to me and no doubt many many others, they grew up watching Winnie The Pooh. And the joy and love I feel has never diminished over the years. So since the movie is in fact several shorts, each one simple and fun, plot is not necessarily important. Just adventures and happenings in the Hundred Acre Wood with Pooh and all his friends, told incredibly well with an abundance of fourth wall breaks, endearing characters, and a very slow and relaxed pace. I've made a theory that you can tell a lot about a person from who their favorite character is from Looney Tunes, Seasame Street, and Winnie The Pooh, because those are like childhood 101 everyone has watched these things at a young age and made an impression on them. And for the record mine are Taz, Cookie Monster, and Eeyore. These shows stick with us, we all have fond memories of them, and they can still be remembered with affection and fondness. For such a simple idea of a child and his stuffed animals as friends going on adventures, it hits home and is so endearing. The animation style is sketchy bringing storybook pictures to mind, the voices are memorable and wonderful, the stories are fun and can entertain adults, the humor again is basic but hard not to love. My absolute favorite joke which I dare not spoil, is found when you first meet Piglet and it is all due to the fact I never realized the joke until I was way older. It absolutely kills me. There's a wonderful Pink Elephants dream sequence which I loved as a kid and I think I may love it more now, the animation is so well done and the song is catchy. In fact, all the songs are great and I catch myself humming or singing them even now. The only bad thing I could ever say is, I feel they mixed the endings up. The last part, or short of the movie is totally fine but the one before that has a perfect ending that leads to the ending which is easily the best scene in the movie. I know it's nitpicking at best, but I honestly felt it would have worked better! You go from a lovely fun time high, to a very contemplative and deep low. The ending I won't lie, emotionally wrecks me. It's kind of hard to watch because it acknowledges the depressing truth of life, which I sincerely hope the new movie delves into because it would elevate it from a very good family film to one of the best. But we got one more venture into the Hundred Acre Wood before then, so I'll see you soon.

Pirates Of The Carribean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Oh, Javier Bardem you deserved so much better.














Wow, this movie was underwhelming! I mean damn. I thought On Stranger Tides was worthless! This is a new level. Nothing happens in this movie. At all. Jack has even less standing in this adventure than the last movie which is somehow possible. So basically evil undead pirates have a score to settle with Jack, forcing Will and Elizabeth's son to do something about it that has nothing to do with Jack. Plot done, now onto the stupid. You heard right, Will and Elizabeth (Who are in the movie for maybe 4 minutes.) have a kid, who wants to free his dad from the Dutchman so he seeks Jack's help to....are you ready for this? Find the Trident of the sea god Poseidon. Pills...need pills now. And you know what the worst part is? This movie shouldn't exist. Do not fall for that bait and switch trailer where it treats it like the final Pirates movie, people will die, nothing will be the same anymore, Jack will no longer be alive. Bullshit!! Nothing happens in the movie, and Jack is alive and well at the end. This is the worst possible movie for one reason: there is nothing to talk about. With good movies, you praise them and love talking about them. With bad movies, you bitch at it but it is kinda cathartic and fun, you get to bash a movie and even provide constructive criticism. But with movies like this? There is no material to talk about. So why am I writing this review? Well that's where you are wrong, this is not a review. It is a warning. Do not watch this movie! Spend 2 hours of your time doing something better. You are better than I solely because you have not viewed this massive pile of nothing. I'm done. Goodnight.

Pirates Of The Carribean: On Stranger Tides

Okay, and here we go.....

What happened to pirates getting treasure? Is that too bland for audiences? Oh no, we got to have Jack look for the friggin' Fountain Of Youth, and yes I know it was teased at the end of well...At World's End but still! Okay, one step at a time. This movie is not terrible but boy howdy if you've stuck around this long you've kinda gotten use to this. So Jack is pretty much racing towards the Fountain, with Barbossa, and even Captain Blackbeard on his trail, all fighting for eternal youth. But wait, there's more! You can't just grab a cup and dip it in the fountain, kinda like in The Last Crusade, oh no. You have to (And pay attention there will be a test later.) get two silver goblets, very specific silver goblets created by Ponce de Leon, you have to capture a mermaid, collect said mermaid's tears because they spoil (God give me strength....), use said goblets to reveal the location of the Fountain, fill the goblets with water from the Fountain, then put the tear in ONE goblet, and play the "You must choose, but choose wisely." game in order to finally obtain eternal youth. Ugh!! This whole ceremony is hucking forrible, who's convoluted idea was this? Oh God, but anyway. Cast is fine, Penelope Cruz is boring to say the least, and while Ian McShane when I heard he was going to be Blackbeard I thought that would be awesome! He and Barbossa are the only saving graces in this movie, and quite frankly the only reason to watch the movie. Not much else, not even Jack can help this movie. Why is he in this movie? He doesn't do anything. He doesn't even really feel like he's looking for the Fountain by his own accord, the british government forces him to do it. That's a great protagonist right? Where he has no interest or real goal in the plot, at all? Top notch. I really didn't want to write this review, this is the movie I dreaded the most, not At World's End but this movie. I can remember several scenes from all the movies almost from beginning to end, almost a loose retelling of the whole movie. Not in this movie! Let's count, I remember the whole London escape scene, when Barbossa and Jack get the silver goblets and are captured, the waterfall scene, and the big fight at the end. And the Queen Anne, Blackbeard's ship which does precisely dick in this movie! Great job guys, no ship battle with a legit enchanted magical ship? I applaud your impotence. So let's see that's.......4 SCENES!!! That's got to be some kind of a record for me! I remember almost TOO many things from movies! It comprises 70% of my brain, roughly. But nope, can't remember much from this movie. Just don't watch it. The only reason you should watch any movie between the first movie and this one, is because plot elements come up in the new movie. And even then, you probably don't have to watch the second or third movie! So watch the first, tomorrow I'm seeing Dead Men Tell No Tales, and it better be good!

Pirates Of The Carribean: At World's End

This was a long ass movie.

Just because you're the third part of a movie franchise does not mean you get a Lord Of The Rings run time. This movie goes on for 3 hours, and I can recap the plot in about 2 minutes. So it's all out war now between the pirate lords of the seven seas, and the british navy, and the Flying Dutchman with our usual cast of pirates smack dab in the middle. Bam, done! An easy story to tell, and it's done quite well. Although, the whole movie is about 2 hours of buildup to the final ship battle, 20 minutes of good action, and 10 minutes of resolution. But, the 2 hours is fine. Kinda. It starts off pretty damn grim though, if I put this opening scene on you would seriously not guess it to be Pirates Of The Carribean. More like Schindler's List mixed with Les Miserables. Yeah. But the movie is fine after that, it has a great size and scale to it, really giving the impression that this is the big finale to the story of the past 2 movies. And it....kinda delivers. Revelations are told, battles commence, people die. You know what, screw it the opening is just the beginning of this movie's darkness. I mean you see people get shot dead square between the eyes, have spikes shoved through people's skulls, the epitomy of a skull f*** if I have ever seen one, and several impalements. Guys, are you dead sucking ferious? This is supposed to be a movie for you know, kids, families, not really adults. You just had to get that PG-13 rating didn't you? Christ. I don't hate this movie, but I got problems with it. A lot of people do, people really did not like this movie. I can kinda see why. My main gripe though is it should have been the end. That should tell you something about the next movie, eh? Everyone's story comes to an end, it should have just ended with Will and Elizabeth together, Barbossa having his crew and ship back, and Jack wandering off to go on more marvellous misadventures. But no! Tune in tomorrow for Jack Sparrow to find the Fountain Of Youth!! I swear it's true! Oh boy, here we go....

Pirates Of The Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

Sequel time!

Okay second film in the Pirates series, which I actually quite like even though it was quite literally written as it was being filmed. Oops. But anywho, story time! Jack has a debt to pay to the infamous Davy Jones, and in order to get out of it Jack as well as several other parties search for the eponymous dead man's chest. Not as hard to describe the plot as the last movie is it? Plot's pretty straightforward all things considered. Acting is still just as fine as ever, although Bill Nighy is quite engaging as the captain of The Flying Dutchman, in fact Davy Jones is my favorite part of the movie. His character beyond superstitous talk and legend of him and what power he wields in the seas, is actually a mystery. And I love the design of him and his crew, cursed men which have morphed with various sea life, for example a man has a normal body but has the head of a hammerhead shark, Davy Jones is a man with tentacles for a beard and a crab leg and arm attached to a human body. Sounds pretty great and it looks outstanding too. Surprisingly there's not much action wise, but when you look back at the first movie we had, a town raided, a ship chase, and the final fight between Jack and Barbossa. In this movie we have this very bizzare escape from an island filled with cannibals (Don't look at me, I didn't write it!), two attacks by the Kraken, one long ass swordfight which I have no doubt goes on for about 15 or 20 minutes which is the only swordfight by the way, and a brief ship chase. Yeah....not quite the action masterpieces our memories had of these movies. But action isn't everything if the story is good, and we like the characters. The story isn't that great, but I still like it just for the villain. Jack and company are still fun to be around so I can't say the film has truly flopped. But tomorrow, we talk about the film most people consider to be the absolute worst and I have not seen that movie for years so it will be interesting to say the least. So tune in tomorrow where we meet our cast At World's End.

Pirates Of The Carribean: Curse Of The Black Pearl

We're devils and black sheep, we're really bad eggs.....

A whole week of Pirates, huzzah! First movie that kicked off the franchise way back in 2003. Crazy it's been that long huh? Hell of a movie to kick things off! The story is....quite complicated for the first movie. I find it difficult to compress this film into a synopsis, I'd almost have to tell it step by step but that would ruin the movie. So let's attempt to recap here, so the movie follows three main characters, Captain Jack Sparrow a pirate, Will Turner a blacksmith, and Elizabeth Swan the daughter of a governor who pretty much gets kidnapped by pirates and Jack and Will set off to save her. There's a hell of a lot more to it than that so don't let this review fool you. Now to the cast, I can sum it up in one word. Awesome! Johnny Depp is awesome as a pirate, Orlando Bloom does okay though I prefer him more as an elf in Middle Earth, Keira Knightley is really no nonsense in this movie which I enjoy, but...I think Geoffrey Rush as Barbossa steals the show. He is so wickedly amazing and devilishly cool, he really seals this movie as a damn good movie in my eyes! The action is terrific, with well choreographed sword fights and ship battles. The sets are incredibly well done, it is a period piece obviously, I'm guessing late 1600s or early 1700s, either way the film looks great in terms of costumes and set design. The music which was composed by Hans Zimmer is fun, that's the best way I can describe it! It has mystery and intrigue, all out swashbuckling action, and even comedy! However, there is certain flaws with this movie. One, Commodore Norrington is planning on marrying Elizabeth. Fine! No problem, if he you know, didn't age I mean, at all,  and he looked about 27 when she was maybe 10. Eww. Seriously, dude didn't age a day in about what, 15 years? Bugs me. Two, how did Will get the medallion? In fact, why and how was his shipped attacked when he was a small boy? If Barbossa was looking for the medallion, how did he know it was on that ship and/or not find Will? Third, boy that ceremony seemed complex. Not as complex as the whole mermaid thing in the fourth movie, but one step at a time here. All in all, it's a fun movie, it's highly enjoyable, a popcorn movie if there was one, and I give it two thumbs up!

Tomorrow, Jack meets the devil of the seven seas himself....

Finding Dory

I'll admit, I screwed up. You know how I generally try and fit themes to the movies, like October we do horror, November we do award winning movies, April we do personal favorites of my own. You think the week of Valentine's Day I might...pick a romance movie? Granted I reviewed most of the ones I care about with the exception of maybe Annie Hall but man did I goof hard this year. Still though.....better than reviewing Fifty Shades Of Grey or some garbage.

Uh, so yeah Finding Dory. I liked the first movie, and I liked this one too! Granted it is similar to Finding Nemo but I don't get why people really didn't like this movie. It's like with friggin' Star Wars! Everybody got an attitude problem with The Force Awakens, "Oh but it was too much like A New Hope! It was exactly like A New Hope! Nothing was new! Wah! Wah! Wah!". Really? Exact? Scene for scene? Such poor ignorant fools...wow I am off on tangent lane today aren't I? But anyway, the movie was fine. The story was similar but new, we got new characters and old, delve into the backstory of everyone's favorite character in the first movie which is handled incredibly well and can hit you with laughter and great bouts of depression. It was sad watching this movie, but still made me laugh a bit and I enjoyed it. The animation is glorious, the ocean has never looked so drop dead beautiful and all the examples of sea life create great variety. My personal favorite has to be the Australian sea lions, they just made me crack up. But really this is how sequels should work, it tells a new story while still elaborating on the previous film in terms of the world they live in. This succeeds. I was entertained, intrigued, happy, sad, and just excited to see this movie. I just can't wait until The Incredibles 2. You know how long I have been wanting to see that?? Too long! But anyway, have a great Valentine's Day! See you soon, love and peace, all that good stuff, I'm out!

Zootopia

Okay, this may be the first CGI film from Disney that I saw and actually wasn't gaga over.

I mean don't get me wrong Zootopia has an interesting idea, good characters, pretty standard plot compared to other animated films from Disney, but it was just good. It wasn't great like Inside Out was to me. Am I happy that I saw it? Absolutely! Would I buy it? Probably not. The plot is the most lackluster thing about the movie, which follows a bunny named Judy aspiring to be a police officer in the grand city of Zootopia, she finally gets there only to find that not many people believe in her abilities. She soon meets a hustling fox named Nick, and the duo soon finds out that maybe Zootopia isn't actually the utopia it is said to be, so our heroes must solve a world changing case in order to save Zootopia from being in ruins. Pretty damn standard, not much special to it besides the animals and a surprising allegory of racial issues. Yeah you heard me, a Disney movie that deals with racial issues! I can hardly believe it myself, and they do a good job of it culminating in a lesson that you would teach your kids at a very young age, that no matter what people look like you have to treat them on basis of character and morals and not outward appearances. Sounds like a friggin' preschool special but credit where credit is due. Would I recommend Zootopia? Eh, maybe. Depends if what you have seen from the movie tickles your fancy or not. It's a good movie but not something that is considered one of the most memorable and greatest Disney movies ever made, at least in my opinion. But hey, maybe you'll see something more in it than I did so if you want to see it go for it.

The Jungle Book (2016)

Guys this movie was good. I mean like, really dang good!

The Jungle Book, beloved animated classic with an all new interesting twist. And it is awesome! Where do I start? The casting is exquisite, everybody especially Neel Sethi in his breakthrough performance is something truly special. I mean, who are you going to pick over Bill Murray to play Baloo? I dare you no wait, I friggin' double dog dare you to pick someone better! Ben Kingsley was a great Bagheera, Idris Elba of Luther fame is a very malicious and very threatning Shere Khan. Scarlett Johansson....mmm! Giant snake or not, I'm in love. Just pure sensual yumness from a snake! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first movie Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson have been in together since the most perfect movie ever made. Whoa. And they actually share a scene together (Hooray!) but sadly they fight (Boooo!) but the principle still stands. Oh yeah, and Christopher Walken! Isn't this exhilarating? But there is more to talk about than the cast! The special effects are outstanding, I had a very difficult time to discern what was real and what was computer graphics. That is a new standard of special effects! Most of the original songs are in this film specifically, The Bear Necessities, Trust In Me, and I Wanna Be Like You, all of which done superbly. The mythos surrounding the jungle is rather clever, to be more precise all animals of the jungle herald the elephants as gods. No joke, they state that they created the jungle and all within it. Which is clever because elephants are heralded as religious symbols in India which you can tell is where the story takes place. Speaking of which, the plot follows the animated film but not carbon copy close. The variations in this version are great, and by no means take away from the film. Oh yeah and there was this really funny easter egg when you meet King Louie, I want to see if you can spot it! But anyway, this film was pretty great, not sure which you will prefer more but I enjoyed the film and I really hope you do too. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to listen to Trust In Me again. Ohhh yes!

Wall-E

You're either the person who loves half of Wall-E or all of it. I personally love the first half of the movie and like the second half.

Wall-E is nothing short of fantastic. It's hard to describe just such sweet innocence, and charm to a film like this. Definitely one of Pixar's finest films. It follows a solitary robot named Wall-E who continues his everyday life and seems to have developed an adorable personality. One day a ship lands on Earth and a new robot named Eve has been sent to try and find life on Earth. Insert cutest relationship ever, and more charm and lovableness to an already great movie. The halfway point has been what has split people since the movie came out, I won't go too much into it but it does involve the human race and a pretty good message about technology, and taking care of our world. It's by no means my favorite Disney or Pixar movie but it is way up there. It really is super cute and lovable just like Wall-E himself. Great film for all ages and one I can definitely recommend. See it if you haven't already!