Planet Terror

I have rarely seen movies more nuts than this.

A spiritual throwback to 70s grindhouse cinema coupled with modern production, Planet Terror is nothing short of a trip! I don't even rightly know how to describe it, cause it's absolutely hilarious, absurdly ridiculous, so gory and nastay, and surprisingly endearing! It's a zombie movie no doubt but it takes every convention of that genre and just turns it on it's head, with a group of survivors including a stripper named Cherry, a badass named Wray, a sherrif named Hague, and a doctor by the name of Dakota fending off utterly grody and disgusting zombies while also getting roped into some black ops shit, the movie is all over the damn place. But not in a disjointed or bad aspect, it all somehow works perfectly due to the tone and direction by Robert Rodriguez and I am so happy to see another of his movies! We are checking out the second part Death Proof next and I'm dumbstruck how that could potentially usurp this movie. I don't know what it is but this was one of the most entertaining movies I've seen this year and I adore it! The cast alone is reason to watch this movie! We got Rose McGowan who is fucking acting her heart out in this movie and her wit, outspoken demeanor, and frankly awesome finale catapults her to the higher echelons of lady badasses in my book. Michael Biehn, friggin' Josh Brolin, Fergie Ferg how the hell did they get Stacy into this I'll never know, Michael Parks, Tom Savini, Bruce Willis, like this is a fairly insane cast for essentially a low budget exploitation film. Granted you see every penny on screen from the extensive prosthetics, the explosions, the sets, it really does look like a grindhouse movie if it had a couple million to throw at the screen and some extremely talented people. It just hit all the right buttons for me and I know for a bleedin' fact this won't garner the same level of appreciation from everyone, but as a lover and admirer of cinema in all it's variant forms, as someone who respects the shit out of the horror genre, as a big fan of both Rodriguez and Tarantino, this is a standout movie and I'm beyond happy to see it! A sterling 4 stars, 9/10 from me, apologies for being a day late in writing this we got a little work schedule change going on so Death Proof will be up on Friday so stay tuned.

Sicario Day Of The Soldado

A worthwhile sequel.

I would go on the record and say it's not as good compared to the first movie but terrible it is not, and does do what any good sequel should. We follow Josh Brolin and Benicio Del Toro from the last film jumping from cartels to border patrol after several suicide bombers come from Mexico, and a ploy revolving around a cartel leader's daughter becomes the main focus. Which makes sense because these are operatives who would jump from mission to mission with little ties to the last, and while the main returning characters don't get much new, the performances are still strong especially with Benicio who gets to spread his wings more and is a perfect follow up lead because of the mystique about him in the first film. Josh Brolin still undoubtedly is the anti-hero willing to go to any extreme to get the job done and they did attempt to give him more of a moral dilemma near the end which I appreciate. Isabela Moner gets plenty of good screen time as we see her transition from hard edged schoolgirl getting into scuffs to most likely PTSD riddled survivor of numerous shootouts, and I know the trauma is her arc rather than overcoming the trauma itself but it does make me wish we got more from her. This does feel like one of those movies from the actionsploitation genre where it's not as tightly written or has as big a budget but is more made for some revenue and to ever so slightly expand upon the characters from the first film. It's not direct to DVD but more like a limited theatrical release before being swiftly added as the TV movie for the week kind of vibe. It's definitely serviceable, it's not shot bad at all, the action still has a punch, the story is involved and doesn't feel like a writer's obligation, it has good quiet moments, I was engaged to see where it ended, and I'm not even really opposed to a Sicario 3 in the future. I guess it's more a matter of what are you looking for, if you watched the first and didn't get your bullet quota fulfilled you won't find much better here, but if you liked the more dramatic angle of the first movie I think you can walk away from this one happy. Me personally I was happy to watch both even if I probably won't watch it again in the future, still solid and enjoyable but I can bow out with a smile on my face. So 3 stars, 7/10, new movie coming up next time so good times to be had!

Sicario

Finally got around to another Denis Villeneuve movie.

Sicario has been on my mind to review for the past few months and I can safely say it didn't disappoint. Following a FBI agent who gets roped into some less than savory or legal operations to deal a severe blow to a mexican drug cartel, I do genuinely have to appreciate how little the movie bullshits about with this premise. Nary a minute is wasted with this 2 hour film and really does show the slightly desensitized and grim meathook realities of governmental operations and the one step above warzone towns of Mexico. This ain't a movie about the righteous and proud U.S. coming to clean house and make the world a safer place, it's some shady ass shit that everyone knows happens even if we don't like talking about it. Emily Blunt is a decent lead and it's very easy to be on her side mainly cause she has to deal with sum' bullllshiet non-friggin'-stop in this movie, I mean my girl needs a several months long vacation at the end of this no doubt. Josh Brolin as the head honcho of the crackdown mission plays this part super well, he's definitely on the rogue spectrum where he's kind of a dick and does some unscrupulous things and yet somehow is slightly humorous and likable, which is impressive on a writting scale and acting scale. Benicio Del Toro is kind of the wild card in the deck, we don't know who he really works for or indeed what his ulterior motives are until the tail end but the man has a presence to him and really does effortlessly play this stoic murdering tool who has his own past demons to struggle with. Also shoutout to my guy Daniel Kaluuya, unfortunately more on the sidelines but I'm always happy to see him! One thing I did notice very early on is the music score is very No Country For Old Men, where more often than not you have no soundtrack of any kind and you're just absorbed in the quiet and yet still anxious riddled ambience of these desert plains and mexican town streets, a very effective choice in my estimation. Huge props as more people often should give to cinematographer Roger Deakins who despite the fact that this is a crime drama film still gives a giant sense of scale with these painting-esque shots of the sky and horizon, it was gorgeous stuff to see and definitely was a special treat to have here. Although it does have action to it here and there it leans more towards even then drama and nervous dread I would dare say than heart pumping exuberance at violence. Plus boy howdy is there a jaw dropping moment near the tail end to prove my point. You just can't sugarcoat this stuff, it's bloody, brutal, and often quicker than a flying bullet. It's a sobering film without a shadow of a doubt but that's why I like it so much and can strongly recommend it. 3.5 stars from me, 8/10, and we'll check out the sequel next time.

The Goonies

I know, I know, took almost a decade to finally get around to Goonies. I was kinda surprised too!

It's funny, I was never heavily nostalgic for The Goonies and while I have seen the movie many many years ago probably before I was even a teen, it still holds up remarkably well! Set in a seaside town a group of friends in an attempt to save their homes from being torn down find a treasure map and against all logic or reason decide to go for it, surpassing traps and capture from a band of criminals hot on their heels for mass amount of booty. Yo-ho! For a movie just a notch over 1½ hours even I was surprised how much time they set everything up before the hunt begins, a good 20 to 25 minutes as a matter of fact which I get! We got a lot of characters here and while they are far from deep are immensely charming and memorable and I could talk about every single cast member truth be told because of how good the performances are and how I really couldn't dream of anyone else playing these kids and it kinda breaks my heart I can't delve into everyone in great detail, so I'll shoutout my faves. Sean Astin my man, I love you my man, has such an innocence and wonder about him at all this stuff even in the midst of a death defying task, easily the heart of the group. Of course I have to shoutout our king Ke Huy Quan, I believe this was right on the cusp of Temple Of Doom and his hair brained gadgets and wild persona was a sheer blast to watch and lowkey honestly has the best look out of all the characters bar none! Jeff Cohen need I really say more, asode from Sloth is the face of this movie in the popular culture and I have to admit he got the most laughs out of me very easily, and I strongly relate to a foodaholic that doesn't want trouble. John Matuszak even though he's not in the movie all that much, Sloth is a beast all of his own and despite the impressive prosthetics showcases a lot of love and fun and you wouldn't have to ask me twice to share some rocky road with him. I have no friggin' clue how they got Robert Davi to be in this because he is a man of intensity and awesome in his acting but it was nothing short of great to see him here. The production is absolutely top notch without a shadow of a doubt, LOTS of intricate and well designed sets, simple but good stunts, and a scale that even the main cast were blown away by when it came to, I shit you not, a fully built pirate ship! Sure there is some blue screen effects but my God this movie has some polish on it that is sorely missing from cinema today! And I guess the saying of "Brevity is the soul of wit" shines through here because it is a simple story with simple characters, but the writing and humor is so good you don't need an inch more than what is presented on screen. The humor often comes out of left field but got good strong laughs out of me at points throughout the film. It's just highly entertaining and no wonder people look at it so fondly and have became big fans of it! Anybody can watch it, anybody can love it, really and truly everyone on that crew deserves the praise. Great cast, solid director, a simple but engaging story, culminating in a film that has stood the test of time admirably. 3.5 stars, 8/10! Ooooh did someone say pirates in space tomorrow? Cause that's all I need!

Dune Part Two

Okay. I can dig it.

Obviously this isn't a case of is the sequel better because well it's just the second half of a movie, but a very good one regardless. The plot is a bit more streamlined in terms of synopsis with Paul and the Fremen waging guerilla warfare against the Harkonnens and pretty soon the Emperor himself, but the film does not rush let me tell you. Pushing 3 hours with credits it takes it's time in divulging all these plot pieces on the board, from expanding on the Harkonnens with a new adversary Feyd-Rautha, Paul's mom Jessica is pretty much starting a cult and raising the legend of the Kwisatz Haderach, the machinations of the Empire, and the romance between Paul and Chani. You know for a movie that was marketed heavily on the romance angle, even TV spots didn't excise it, it's about as rushed and did just as much for me like in the Lynch movie which was....not at all. Totally not bashing Timothèe or Zendaya, frankly the acting across the board is good yet nothing to write home about, but man the romance was just not built for me. I would be remiss not to shoutout Christopher Walken as the Emperor, which is quite possibly the strangest casting I've run across. But then again, Sting. Also Austin Butler, man have you got range cause you honestly weirded the shit outta me and beautifully so! Just to be upfront and honest I truthfully feel there is more subtitled dialogue than actual english dialogue here, which first and foremost round of applause for these actors to learn this dialect and be able to emote well on top of that and second that's not a turn off for me but some folks can't do subtitles so I get it. The film certainly hasn't lost a bit of it's cinematic edge, I dare say it even doubles down on it making it even bigger and grander than the first! Dune will probably never look better, at least in my lifetime. However I think people's biggest issue with the film will be the ending, yet once again I actually didn't mind it. It truthfully made me want to pick up Dune Messiah and I haven't even read the first damn book, and even if they didn't adapt any of the future novels I wouldn't give a rat's ass that's how open I am now to dive into these books. Because you have to remember this isn't just one novel this is a series so they absolutely can tease a continuation should they feel so inclined. I liked it just fine, more than willing to watch the full cut of the movie in the future and honestly rewatch the Lynch version again, not for everybody but I can recommend it if for nothing else than visual appeal. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10 with room to grow in the future. And of course we'll wrap up this week tomorrow with a look at a doomed but fantastical sounding Dune iteration.

In Retrospect: Dune

It sure doesn't feel like 3 years since I've seen this film.

Don't really know why but it feels longer. Time moves at it's own pace and we see only a fragment of it. But the conclusion will soon be upon us and I knew I needed to get reacquainted. Failed miserably however in my statement to finish the book before part two comes out so that's my bad! I don't feel the opinion has changed much since first viewing, it's practically pornographic in it's design and scope like this is a costumer's/set designer/cinematographer's wet dream from start to end, and I was surprised how well the film's visual grandeur still leaped from my modestly sized televison set! I had a good handful of moments where I was struck by the visuals and just went, holy hell. Grand slam pick for a director on this movie, I mean there is a stark reason why Denis Villeneuve was the correct choice to direct Dune. I don't know if he's going to step in on Dune Messiah or Hrist even if that movie is going to get greenlit for production, so come what may I'm happy we have this movie. Though it's gonna be a looooong sit if they do a double bill or stitch both movies together into one full film, but for us people who are made of sterner stuff and can do extended cuts of Lord Of The Rings I think we can handle it. I paid a lot more attention to how the movie extends information to the audience, a tidbit I just learned about the 80s Dune film is that in theaters audiences had a legit cheat sheet of planets, terminology, and family names to help them out, and while this film doesn't exactly handhold you through in explanations it's easy enough to break it down to basic elements. Atreides good, Harkonnens bad, spice important, Empire is in control, bizzare magicks are at play. This is gonna sound very strange coming from me but I do not read fantasy or science fiction novels regularly, and what I mean by that is I do NOT tread the waters of any ol' fantasy book series or science fiction one off that isn't immediately recognizable. Your Lord Of The Rings, Ender's Game, Star Wars, Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep, those are all recognizable franchises. I cannot imagine being in 1965 and reading Dune for the first time, cause there is a lot of imagination and a lot of unique elements that comprise that book which still take inspiration from real world things. It's one in a million to be sure and is always interesting to learn about, in fact I just also learned of a documentary special detailing the creation of Jodorowsky's version of Dune that nevet got off the ground in the 70s so I'm throwing that in as a bonus this week. The acting still stands on solid ground and I'm wondering what all we'll see in the next installment given I've seen only a highly condensed cliffnotes version in the Lynch film. Dune is a bit of an anomaly regardless of medium and I really wish I knew if Part Two is considered an event film, a must see piece of cinema with a lot of buzz and attention swirling around it, I just don't know but I certainly hope it is because the visionary expanse and really and truly this passion project for the director deserves it. I'm not running out my front door to be the first in line for tickets but I'm walking with some optimism in my step and a intrigue to see how it is all potrayed and played out to the end. I love the visuals from the grandest of skies to the smallest detail of a costume, I love the score, I think the acting is good and serviceable to the story, the plot is actually rather easy to follow as long as you don't get bogged down by the jargon, and I'm really really looking forward to the conclusion! I'll bump it up to an 8.5/10 because I do feel I got more out of it this time. I still really want to hear that guitar riff when Paul conquers the worm, and because I'm a contrarian and do whatever I want I'm buying that damn popcorn bucket (I just think it's neat and different, don't make it weird). And I will see you on Friday on the dunes of Arrakis.

Avengers: Endgame

I'm done. Goodbye. The end.

Great job converting me to a Marvel fan, you know for one of the longest godforsaken running film series in history, it didn't do much for me. Now does that necessarily mean Endgame is a bad movie? No, I wouldn't say that but considering this is the last MCU movie I might ever review it didn't exactly leave me wowed. To be honest after my viewing of this movie, my idea about calling this one Infinity War makes so much more goddamn sense than Endgame. The last movie should have been called that because it was about Thanos, his plan, his actions, his victory. And I have to say I kinda hated the direction this movie went in, not only did we introduce time travel which okay, is a comic book trope but it's done so much better in other movies, but we also pull a f***ing retcon too. Just, ugh. I'm just passively watching at this point, and it pisses me off because the tone in this movie was exactly what was needed in Infinity War. It's a very somber, slow paced, even kinda desperate movie with our defeated heroes going out on a thin limb to try to circumvent the events of Infinity War, but it was far too little far too late. And I think the first 20 minutes so did not help, now I will say the interactions and very brief relationship given between Tony and Nebula I thought was pretty great but it just sorta ends there. For a movie that's a bit over 3 hours long, we don't get a lot of character moments. Not really. When 90% of the characters that we have watched for a decade are nothing but glorified cameos in this movie, it loses a lot of impact. I think in the first 10 minutes of the movie Tony gets rescued by Captain Marvel, then by the 15 minute mark they know exactly where the farm is that Thanos is living at, and by the 20 minute mark they kill him. How the shit do you keep going? You avenged countless people, the movie's over. But no, we flash forward 5 years which I truthfully thought was going to be immediately the start of this movie, with kind of a World War Z documentary about what the Avengers have been doing, and how the world has slowly begun rebuilding itself after such a cataclysm but we only get such brief glimpses into such a fascinating world. Which sucks, I wanted to know how the world was operating. So they get the brilliant idea to time travel which of course they figure out and construct the time machine in like, a day. So the plan is to pull a Back To The Future 2, and collect all the Infinity Stones from the previous movies to the point I thought they were going to pull a Gamera and have lengthy amounts of stock footage but thankfully the space gods were kind and spared me that. And that was kinda the point I completely gave up on the MCU because my mind was trying to figure out in what way this would completely ass rape the entire continuity, but I quickly gave up because I still don't care enough even to deconstruct 10 years of storytelling. I'm just so flabbergasted how people just ate these movies up and went to every movie like sheep, when honestly the MCU is like 85% average movies, 10% actual good movies, and 5% f***ing garbage, and believe me I'll rank them tomorrow. I just...what do you want me to say? The final battle was hitting Prequel levels hard and fast, the character interactions were okay just like in almost every other Marvel film, if anything this movie might have ever so slightly made me appreciate Infinity War more though this is a superior film to it, but you killed my girl so I hope you rot for that. Buuut you made Hulk the real hero who saved the entire universe, oh sure Tony got the enemy killing snap, la-dee-flippin'-da, but Bruce was the one who saved everybody. Actually the more I think about it Hulk was my only favorite part of this, I never thought I would see the day where the mind of Bruce was in the body of the Hulk, I've wanted to see that for years never thinking it was possible but it actually happened, it was everything I hoped it would be and just further reinforces why Hulk is the best superhero Marvel has to offer ever. I'm honestly upset Thanos did not win, they had to go push the reset button in true comic fashion. And you know what? I would take the coin flip. Heads I win, tails you lose. Yes, I would deal with that if I won and I lost people. Christ, if it would be anything like the environment we have right now outside our window, less pollution, empty places, nature improving and growing in terms of plants and animals, and the ability to reshape the world as a better place, then sign me up, snap away big guy, I am here and I am waiting. Oh sweet merciful angels there was some manipulation in this, I kind of find it despicable that you give Tony Stark a daughter only to get the audience emotionally invested, it is so cheap and so emotionally manipulative to the point where the ending did precisely f*** all for me. And lest we not forget the total pandering scene. You know the one. Why? Why is it there? I thought the scene in Infinity War with Okoye, Scarlett Witch, and Black Widow throwing down with that whoever the shit her name was, was actually good I kinda liked seeing them tag team that villain. Here though, wow it was such pandering, ineffectual, egregious bullshit. I might not have seen anything in Captain Marvel, but here? They're f***ing doing it man. I'm so tired. You know, we started off I thought kind of strong, but the quality just ebbed and flowed so inconsistently. I do not recommend marathoning these movies, you will get burned out before you are even halfway there. I honestly never want to review a MCU movie again in the near future. I won't say I was disappointed but I was certainly confused as to the absurd popularity of these movies, if I was being on the level with you and I am, I would watch....6 out of 22 movies. Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Winter Soldier, Civil War, Doctor Strange, and Black Panther. That's it. And you know what pisses me off? Every single shitsucking studio is trying to replicate this series, with the often misplaced humor, big battles, and expansively linked universes. Just. Stop. You are polluting the airwaves with garbage!! Accept that Marvel got an idea that was lightning in a bottle and actually do something original with your movies. Even my beloved DC needs to cease and desist, and just focus on making good movies which is what they are doing. Screw the cinematic universe in it's fat stupid ass! I am done with it! I'm shutting it down!! Yes, I wanted the Dark Universe to succeed, yes I love the match ups in DC's movies, but you just need to stop trying to be a poser MCU. You can do better just by making a good movie. But they're not. And this is why I fundamentally hate the MCU, it changed everything and not for the better. To quote the ahem, best superhero movie ever made, "But we both know the truth, there's no going back. You've changed things...forever." and I'm just waiting for this fad to die a very horrible and very quick unceremonious death. I'm a reasonable guy but I have experienced some very unreasonable things. 2.5 stars, 6.5/10. Never again.

Avengers: Infinity War (Part 2)

Part twoooo, the reckoning.

But how does anybody outside of like Gamora and possibly Thor know what the Gauntlet is and what it does? Cause Bruce explains the whole importance of it and I'm just wondering how he knew. Actually tell you the truth, the Infinity Gauntlet doesn't make a lick of sense either. "The universe is finite, it's resources finite.", dude I saw you create a swarm of bats from an energy blast, you can do anything. Quadruple the resources! "Reality can be whatever I want.", okay so why do you need all 6 stones? And why does everything the Gauntlet do reverse when Thanos uses the Space Stone? Like when he turns Drax and Mantis into disproportionate shapes, after he leaves it all goes back to normal. Why? I doubt Thanos is the kinda guy who shows mercy on his enemies, so I guess you have to be right in front of the Infinity Gauntlet for it to have an effect, so the range sucks harder than an AT&T tower. We already know Thanos goes from planet to planet and wipes out half the population so what does the snap do? Reduce the half to a quarter? That's not very f***ing balanced at all now is it. Now if the Gauntlet was just this super mega ultra doomsday weapon then I could get behind it, but it's not. And for a movie called Infinity War, there wasn't much action beyond the Wakanda fight. I know it would have been impossible to surpass Return Of The King standards of action and war scenes, but give us something to go wow at. Infinity Battle would have been more appropriate, or hell just call it Avengers: The Infinity Gauntlet, then you name the next one Infinity War because I'm assuming the conflict in Endgame will dwarf this by a mile long. The more I think about this movie, the more I think less of it. The characters are fine, but that's because we've had all these movies beforehand to flesh them out and they remain constants, with little dynamic change to their personalities and overall characteristics which defies the purpose of putting them through these trials and tribulations. The action is serviceable but not worthy of the title of the movie as stated above. The story's pacing and tone needed considerable tweaking, the pacing was adequate but had too many strands to connect leading to a somewhat bloated story necessitating a longer runtime to better the progression and character moments, and the tone kind of just needed to go more serious and maybe a little deep to really hit home the final scene. And why was there an end credits scene? Did you really need that? Imagine if they did it this way: the snap, play out the scene as normal, content smile, darkness, and dead silence through almost the whole credits to let that sink in and have this disquieting silence fall over the audience, and no end credits scene. It would get people talking like mad as to what would happen next. But no. Gotta sell that next product, always have to advertise that next movie, couldn't just open Captain Marvel with that scene or just do Captain Marvel. Ugh, f*** me. The only saving grace was the villain, and while it is fun to quote Thanos, the words have purpose, and meaning, and most of all emotion to them that made them so memorable. Actually a quote that stuck with me for reasons unknown even to myself was when Thanos is about to reverse time to claim the soul stone, "Now is no time at all." it struck me as this metaphysical line where he could stop time with a motion of his hand and it could be kind of like that scene in Doctor Strange when the Ancient One and Strange are seeing time being dragged out making one moment last a lifetime, that this instant before having all the Infinity Stones is another time so distant it might as well be millenia ago. It's an odd one to be sure, but something about it kind of stuck with me. 2.5 stars, 6/10. Reality is often disappointing.

Avengers: Infinity War (Part 1)

I still don't get the fandom.

Infinity War was not bad by any stretch, there were several elements I greatly enjoyed, there was some stuff that made me quite aggrivated, but all in all it came down to being a good movie. Not a great movie or a perfect movie, nor a bad movie or cinematic trash. It's okay. And for those few who are still reading this, let's get going. I liked the story, it's a bit flawed and I would have done this differently, not much but just tweaks that would give the film more weight. So Thanos has finally entered the chat and is hunting down the Infinity Stones. Pause. I am not actually a fan of him literally grabbing these impossibly rare and extrememly powerful gems one right after the other in the span of a single day, I actually would have liked it if we slowly saw him get a stone every so few movies, to build that anticipation and intrigue as to what the final goal is and what the gauntlet does. Since there's 6 stones, I would have preferred if he got the last two in this movie, therefore creating more drama that, oh shit he's nearly got them all we gotta act fast or we're completely screwed. Resume. That's basically the plot, we're going gem hunting while the scattered forces of the Marvel heroes are desperately trying to form a defensive plan to take this guy out. That's fine, I think the movie severely lacks dramtic tension at times and if I'm being ruthlessly honest....kinda shoots itself in the foot. A lot. Case in point, Thanos snaps Loki's neck. Unfortunately I felt no resounding effect because I've seen the crafty bastard elude death more times than I can remember so why should this time be any more final? Steve and the renegade members of the Avengers get back into the story, but they kinda just pop out of nowhere to save Vision and Scarlett Witch when they never explain how they found them to begin with. They didn't track them, they couldn't track them, they pop up in a totally random place, I know it's just for that Cap reveal but sloppy writing is sloppy shitty writing. Which is odd because most of the weaving of all these different characters into a singular movie is quite honestly handled well, even if the pacing gets sidestepped because there's too damn many, but it's there to set up future stuff in the plot so whatever. Thanos has an entourage which immediately threw me right the f*** off because if there was ever a villain that did not need a sidekick, let alone 4 of them it would be Thanos. He even has this brown nosing little ponce who is also his hype man, I mean what in the actual shit is this? So much for that "I'll do it myself" if you send your Team Rocket lackeys to do the work for you, my God they were beyond pointless. Oh and Red Skull is here too and he has powers...now? How?? Why??? I don't know. But he's there. I was slightly shocked at the runtime, I assumed this was going to be the 3 hour finale but it came up 30 minutes short which I felt to be odd because this is the kind of movie that needs that amount of length, you could really set up this heavily foreboding atmosphere as each hero tries in their own way to prepare for the oncoming battle, to get more backstory to Thanos, to really sink in the seriousness of it all. But it just feels like the same old Marvel movies, there's nothing more to this movie than the others beside the ending. Now on one hand, I commend that. It lulls the audience into a false sense of security where the heroes will come out on top but then drops the anvil right on their heads in a very unexpected manner. Which is kinda what they did, but it doesn't have that serious, dramatic, finality punch to it that it so desperately needs. This should have been almost devoid of humor like if a person tried to make a joke it would either fall flat or be given the cold shoulder by other members of the group, with a lot more quiet intimate moments with our heroes where they face the possibility of dying and have to come to terms with it, and the tension and fear when Thanos is on screen should have been priority number one because we don't know anything about him. Sure comic fans know this guy backwards and forwards, and even knows the original reason why Thanos wanted the Infinity Gauntlet (spoiler alert he was a thirsty f***boi), but most audience members have no clue who he is. We've seen the briefest of appearances but essentially know precisely dick, and while the film does a very good job cementing his character, we kinda needed more or maybe I just wanted more. The film constantly kinda keeps breaking itself almost on a subconscious level, like with Doctor Strange. He has the time stone, he can manipulate time to an insane degree, and this is kinda where the movie falls apart, because even when Thanos has four out of six Infinity Stones, Strange could still reverse time maybe to oh I don't know, save Tony from getting stabbed, or to rewind time to stop Star Lord from literally f***ing over the entire universe (we'll get to him I promise), or to just pull the Dormammu trick again. Christ he even says the Time Stone is the best chance they have against Thanos! And he hands the thing over after Tony gets stabbed and begs to spare his life. Um....Doc, he doesn't have a hostage. He shanked Stark, he's dying, there is no bargain chip, hit the rewind button, do some trippy cosmic magic tricks, save him. Do you see the issue with the Time Stone? The heroes are kind of dumbasses in this movie, Strange was bad but Quill....this stupid motherf***ing shitlord. Okay, so the group has got Thanos, they are doing everything in their power to restrain him and get the gauntlet, and they are actually even surprisingly succeeding. Hurrah! Until Star Lord hears about Gamora and instead of waiting 10 seconds for them to get the gauntlet off and then pump him so full of goddamn holes it would give people trypophobia, he starts wailing on the guy which shock of all shocks, rapes the plan with a splintered broomstick and leads to devastating losses for the entire universe. Good job. Yes I'm blaming him. You know that whole 1 in 14,000,605 odds against them winning? Well if Peter pissed off for a minute, that 1 would have been the win. I'm just really not liking the Guardians at this point, Quill is a stupid asshole, Gamora is mostly bland and I could care less for her character even with her daddy issues, Rocket's schtick is dead to me, Groot is just there, pretty much Drax and Mantis are the only ones I really like. Even poor Josh Brolin who is doing damn amazing work in this role can't fully salvage the movie, which is a shame because he is singlehandedly the best part of the entire movie. You see the machinations in his mind, you see and feel that this terrible thing he is trying to do feels justified and even logical in his eyes, his performance is the best performance in Marvel not just on an acting standpoint but a character standpoint. People have made videos on this guy for years now and for good reason, he's a fascinating character study to undertake. Josh Brolin is great, harboring on perfect. I personally actually like how he defeats the Hulk, you'd think I would hate it because my boy just got his ass handed to him, but it shows Thanos cannot be subdued by a brawl and that he knows how to fight, meaning you have to find another way to beat him. But I just feel he's too good for this movie. Again, Infinity War is not a bad movie but it has flaws that hurt the film quite a bit. My main problem was the tone, I think my false sense of security for the audience idea was the intended effect that the director's were going for but it just doesn't feel that high stakes and it should! We are talking about the fate of countless worlds and people, a truly horrible person wielding unlimited powah, and it's the same old shit. If you're not going to treat this subject material seriously and make it as good as possible with hard, dark, possibly even deep moments then just stop. You don't get to skate around this on your same old tropes, do something with it! Make it like an epic tragedy, a proper war film where people die, where it's a constant struggle for these gemstones, treat it as if you are making one of the greatest and most powerful films ever made where Ingmar Bergmann or Akira Kurosawa would applaud it. But screw that, we gotta make it for the kids you little bastards, go buy our shit! Why make it an actual good film that will be talked about for decades for pushing the envelope of comic book movies? I assume you wanted to tell this story from almost the beginning, why else would you make 18 damn movies beforehand? So you feel the impact, so you give a shit, so you are invested in the story. Well congratulations you did that, now where's the movie worthy of that payoff? It's just another standard Marvel movie with a very strong ending. And let's talk about the snap heard 'round the world. It's impact didn't fully do it for me because well, I've waited two years to watch this movie. When the scene has practically become an iconic meme it loses that gravitas, I knew it was going to happen, when it was going to happen, who got dusted, and how the film ended. Do I still appreciate it? Very. The lack of music, the almost washed out colors, the unceremonious deaths of characters we've watched for years, it's an experly crafted scene....but that atmosphere and tone should have permeated the entire film. Oh my God, I have to split the review cause I'm still not done. So um, get ready for more of this!

No Country For Old Men

Alright time to sober up a little bit. For this week and next week, we'll look a more serious films for the most part. So let's get started.

No Country For Old Men is a really damn good suspense movie by the Coen brothers following an everyday man who stumbles upon a whole world of problems after stealing about a million in cash from some drug dealers and is being hunted down by one of the most terrifying characters in film. No wonder Javier Bardem won an Academy Award for his performance, hell if there is ever a reason to see this movie it is because of his performance. This movie is one part suspense thriller, one part character study, and one part trying to figure out what in God's name the ending is. Yeah, one of those movies! But regardless of endings, still a good movie. The cast is a big part of the film's success, Josh Brolin who I think is a good actor does well here, Tommy Lee Jones does fine work like he always does, but Javier Bardem man...he makes a coin toss the most piss pants scariest thing in the world. One of the things I noticed prevalently in the film is the notion of the unknown. Many characters talk about the unknown factors, both in other characters and just in the sense of the world. And more importantly how they don't want to face the unknown but when it comes to Javier's character they have to. It is human fact that we are afraid of the unknown, and in that sense Javier's character is the most fear inducing thing ever. Everything he says is something you never hear, almost riddles mixed with more riddles. You have no idea why he does these things and that's what makes his character interesting and scary. And the other thing I noticed is an unnatural absence of music. Oh, I've heard there is a grand total of about 16 minutes of music but I ain't heard a second of it. It makes the film feel much more tense and uncomfortable so hey, big points for that. I like how the story is set in Texas for the most part, specifically in the year 1980. Although most of the film was shot in New Mexico and Mexico with sparse locations actually in Texas, it looks like West Texas. But after all is said and done, it really an interesting movie to watch and talk about so I say watch it and let me know what you make of it.

Alright, tomorrow we plunge headfirst into Quentin Tarantino's directorial debut.

Hail, Caesar!

Yet another damn good Cohen Brothers movie.

Hail, Ceasar! is a really fun and entertaining movie, although I must admit I knew very little about the actual plot. Now the plot follows the head of a motion picture studio set in the 50s, as he tries to keep everything cool, calm, and collected especially when one of the major stars is kidnapped. And an aspect I must give major props to is how in the dark you are about the whole kidnapping scheme, they did a good job to keep up the mystery. Now let's talk about the casting, dear sweet God in Heaven this is a friggin' cast man! George Clooney, Josh Brolin, Ralph Fiennes, my sun and my moon and my star lit sky Scarlett Johannson, and even a few other familiar faces we have encountered here. Absolute awesomeness! Also, the look of the movie...I am in the 50s when I watch this movie both in the real life scenes and in the acting scenes. They nail how films were made back then, with extravagant musical numbers, with dancing, and aquatic ballet, the whole nine yards! Perfect! I would definitely say you should check this movie out, I think you will like it very much especially if you are an old movie fan or a Cohen Brothers fan.

Now tomorrow, we got another In Retrospect review. It kinda sets the stage for what is coming up next week so tune in tomorrow.