Heretic

Hohohohoholy shhhhit!

My day has been made going to see this movie! On viewing of the trailer it seems like this mostly natural with a lemon twist of supernatural survival horror about these two religious girls getting trapped in this guy's house and there are horrors in the basement they need to progress through, what we actually get though similar, if this is even a genre and if not I'm copyrighting it now, is a religious thriller. It's a psychological thriller with heavy religious themes, and even if you are terribly religious I fullheartedly say go see it. I am not, so I had to weigh it on it's own merits and the horror aspect, which admittedly is very good even if not much happens in the grand scheme of things. The fact it had such a strong impact on me as a non-religious dude and how they discuss belief and the lineage of monotheistic religions was not only interesting but hilarious. Maybe I'm just a sick bastard with a weird ass sense of humor, probably very true, but I laughed a good few times in this! It has incredible mood and a heavy sense of dread and realistic horror rightfully so considering the situation these poor girls are in, but Hugh Grant oh my stars he is eating this script and savoring every delicious morsel. Might ruin other Hugh Grant movies for you but for my money, absolute favorite performance of his, so off the wall and yet kinda creeps me out is a flawless recipe for character crafting in my book. Sophie Thatcher and Chloe East sell this whole movie, and especially so for Chloe cause I rather gravitated toward her character and needed her to be okay at the end of it all, and testament to the acting prowess of our leads because the vast majority of this movie is just these 3 in a room and it's amazing how well it works, they react as normally as humanly possible in such a terrifying situation. The facial acting, the body language, the voice inflection of fear and nervousness, phenomenal. And the best part is the plot keeps twisting and turning, some might say it's trying too many things but I knew there was an endgoal here and the way it threads to it was great. It gets to a certain point and I was just like ex-squees me?? You're in for a trip. In fact if I'm being really honest, this is probably gonna make the top 10 of the year. I expected it to be good but what I got was so much more interesting and engrossing than I could have anticipated. Now that's just me, I can only urge you to see it and judge it on your own standards, but the overall effect is astonishing! And isn't that what counts in the end? Good show biz my friends, the effect! 4 glowing pentagrams, 9/10! We came out on a high note and we're switching gears to television next week so get ready for the comic books!

Wonka

I...will accept that.

Again, had next to zero inkling what this movie would be but I stepped in happy and open minded and was rewarded for my efforts. I feel the trailers did kind of a disservice, it was really pushing the Gene Wilder-isms and origin story card to get butts in seats, when in actuality the film is a beast of it's own entirely. In fact it is folly and a waste of time to compare this with the 70s film, it's like seeing a person with the same hair color, eye color, and even the same shape of their noses but everything else is different entirely. Even the angle of it's a prequel to Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory is null and void, it uses elements of that film with some being more on the nose than others but ultimately is a fun and fancy free film with plenty of ludicrous nonsense. But a little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest man. So our tale begins with a young Mr. Wonka setting foot back on dry land after seven years of seafaring to a city where he wants to open his first shop. Now the odd thing about this town that I noticed is everyone is for the most part british and cockney in accent, but I swear I saw a street sign in german but no architecture was german. Very strange. But anywho! So, and this is a no horseshit Jack statement, there is a chocolate cartel conspiring against the candyman and on top of that this movie gets a tiny bit little orphan Annie, and a squad of workers chip in to help open the store. That's the basic gist and for a film around the 2 hour mark keeps a very good pace, with more musical numbers than Willy and Charlie combined and it is exactly as I suspected. You get every flavor of song you can think of, introductory song, aspiration song, villain song, sad song, the works with full blown can-can dancing included at times. The songs are passable, I didn't adore nor despise any of them, and Timothée actually has a pretty decent singing voice. And yeah his performance is entirely his own, he has moments of Gene but at the end of the day is his own unique iteration. The emotion and humor is there from all the characters, with a good bit of love going towards Paterson Joseph, Jim Carter, Keegan-Michael Key, and of course Rowan Atkinson who were a joy to see. Though I feel slightly bait and switched when it came to Sally Hawkins but all is forgiven for I got to see her rapturous beauty if only for a moment. And to be honest I was fawning a bit over Rakhee Thakrar too. The sets and colors are great, the movie is actually really dang funny and I was probably the only one cracking up in that theater, even the plain absurdity of Hugh Grant as an Oompa-Loompa works surprisingly well I mean this director knew what tone and style he wanted and nailed it pretty succesfully! It is a fun movie and thankfully not terribly saccharine, so it is a recommendation. It's honestly tied with the 70s version for me but I give it 3.5 stars, 7.5/10! And I think the end may almost be here, but I may have a trick or two up my sleeves for you to enjoy.

Dungeons & Dragons Honor Among Thieves

Aged like wine or a very nice bourbon.

I know some hardcore, dungeon crawling, bone rolling fans who are gonna dig the shit out of this movie. And as a newbie I felt very proud to know so many tidbits of the world from creatures to spells, but the overall story and characters is where it's at. The plot is pretty much exactly stated in the trailer, a group of noble thieves help a secret dark wizard to acquire a powerful artifact and while working out their own baggage turn full on heroes. The reason why exactly this movie works so well aside from the performances themselves is the backstory, the motivation, the history of these characters. All easily understandable, grounded, and fleshed out enough to where you get them. Though I think the dialogue is written well enough to where even if the backstory wasn't there you get a solid grip on the personalities of our main characters. Of course Chris Pine is a charismatic, funny, and great lead as the bard Edgin and has the biggest arc of our party. Michelle Rodriguez is...okay without shamelessly fawning over a century for this woman, plays a powerhouse barbarian named Holga who is absurdly awesome, has a dry sense of humor, and an undying loyalty to Edgin. I am smitten. Justice Smith is our residential sorcerer Simon, bit of a klutz, has some awkwardness, but is a strong spell slinger. Sophia Lillis as a shapeshifting Tiefling named Doric I feel gets the least stuff to do but I like her character motivation to join the party and has some really cool moments peppered throughout so she is far from a waste. Daisy Head as Sofina, great villain in appearance but average in terms of scheme and I must admit red wizards were unknown to me in my research, but guys seriously? This woman who stares at you like she's from the fucking dark side, in a cloak, smoky eye to the max, and she wants you to break into a vault housing treasure of villains, none of this tipped you off?? Cause that would be a hard pass for me. But truthfully that's the only nitpick I got. The movie is really dang funny, in situation and dialogue with actors who have good timing, and it never feels unnecessary. The tone makes it all work, it projects a sense of fun, high stakes but not really heavy, adventurous feeling and delivers beautifully. It truly does feel like you are watching the visualization of a group of people playing the game, there are botches, good saving throws, proficiencies, getting loot and better weapons, it all feels legit. It works as a fantasy movie yes, you can walk in knowing jack shit about D&D and have some fun, but if you know your stuff it feels like an extension of that universe. And it feels like there is comraderie, group effort, and combining of skills which is the true spirit of the game. So it works well as a movie, it works well as an adaptation of the most popular role playing game in the world, and it no doubt can work well with sequels either following this party or going on a different quest with a new group. Nothing but 4 stars from me, 8.5/10, check it out even if you have just an ounce of interest. Dungeons & Dragons has been nothing but inevitable in my life, I've been hearing about this game since my teen years and I did the research and bought the books, and I may have gotten sidetracked and made my own character (A high elf warlock in league with an Elder God if you wanna know), but the interest is still there and I'm down for more. Hell I already bought the dice, I think I'm pretty much in at that point. Tune in next week for some adaptations of good old Nintendo games.

The Pirates: Band Of Misfits

Yet another Aardman movie I never saw, and I bring good news!

The Pirates is a fun movie and I very much enjoyed it. Hell I can even say it was better than Pirates 3, 4, and 5 by a long shot! The story follows the marvellous misadventures of (not Flapjack) a group of pirates headed by Hugh Grant as their Pirate Captain. Yes, his name is Pirate Captain. In fact his whole crew has no names, merely descriptive names like, Albino Pirate, Surprisingly Curvacious Pirate, and The Pirate With A Scarf. Genius. Their adventure let's them cross paths with Queen Victoria, and even Charles Darwin, all while our dear Pirate Captain tries to win the most prized thing on the seven seas, the Pirate Of The Year award! This is the movie I needed to see, a fun, charming, and very well done movie that was well worth 90 minutes of my life. Christ I almost kinda wish Pirates Of The Carribean did something like this. Animation is so smooth and well done, and since it's claymation once again it just proves how they got this down under lock and key. The characters are fun, but with special regards to Pirate Captain cause you really do want him to win. He's a great captain, loved by his crew, very loyal and dedicated to the pirate's life, he's my favorite character. His crew is funny and different, along with Charles Darwin throwing his hat into working alongside them is a sight to behold. So hang on a minute. This is a movie where a crew of pirates teams up with Charles Darwin, in order to stop a scheme conducted by Queen Victoria. Huh. Cool! I mean with a premise like that, you know you are going to have a blast with this movie, and I really did. It's a very entertaining movie, that is different from most of your usual pirate shenanigans, with the same dry and humorous wit found in most british movies, it was nice to cleanse the pallete and see something familiar but fresh. And honestly how can any movie be bad that has Brian Blessed being as flippin' awesome and glorious as always? This I can fully recommend if you got a day in to yourself, you're looking for something different, and the pirate's life is for you.

So how about one more since we're on a roll? One I have watched since I was very young and was actually my introduction to Aardman's library of works. Will I remember it as fondly as I once did? Well it's too late to chicken out now...

Bridget Jones's Diary

This is the movie I needed to see today.

Bridget Jones's Diary is a very good, funny, just plain wonderful movie about an average 30-something year old woman searching for love and trying to do things better in her life. Already this movie has got me. That is a ridiculously simple plot but life has great charm in simplicity! And that's the word for the movie, charm. This is a charming movie. Bridget Jones is a clumsy, off putting, but very truthful and sympathetic character. She's trying to do better by her own standards and trying to find love, and honestly and truthfully doesn't everyone do that? At some point in your life if not frequently in your life you have tried to a.) make yourself better or b.) tried to find love. It's what humans do. So already the film is wearing it's heart on it's sleeve so it made it very enjoyable to watch, and then you add all the other elements. This film is hilarious! The humor is very british and a bit crass but I'd be lying if I said I didn't laugh quite a bit. The romance isn't half bad either, we got Bridget's boss played by Hugh Grant and oh my God he is so Hugh Grant in this. I love him. And then we got....actually what is he? Her friend she made years ago? Her blind date set up by her parents? I have no idea, he's played by Colin Firth and man do Hugh and Colin love to be in movies together. First Love Actually, now this. And the romance is cliched but the rest of the movie is enjoyable in it's odd, awkward, no bullcrap style so I don't even really mind that much. Now all the characters are highly enjoyable but Bridget's dad played by Jim Broadbent is perfection. I love him to tiny little itty bitty pieces. He's like, the one perfect character, he's not a jerk, he's not looking for romance, he's just kinda living his life. There is a wonderful love and care he shows for his daughter, he never panders to her or treats her different, he's just being the best dad he can be and loves his wife and daughter. I aspire to be like Bridget's dad in my future years, I mean best dad ever. Bridget's dad is awesome! Just all the element's worked, it's such a good movie and though I haven't seen the other two movies I'm not totally against seeing them in the future. My mom loves this movie and she was nice enough to sit and watch it with me, so at the very least I can thank her for that. And of course I wish you not only the happiest of Valentine's Days, but the best and most loved for years to come. And I look forward to seeing all of you this Friday for another movie.

Love Actually

Bloody hell this was good...

So Love Actually is not only a damn good romance movie, it's a good Christmas movie. So we got to talk about that! Love Actually is really a story following 10 different people and all their paths are intertwined, think Valentine's Day or New Years Eve but good. Like really good. I'm honestly not sure where to start with this movie, cause there are lots of characters and lots of ground to cover. The cast itself is amazing, I mean we got people like Bill Nighy, Martin Freeman, Keira Knightley, Alan Rickman, and the list goes on. I have to be honest here, I could not pick a favorite character in this movie cause they are all awesome! It was like every new scene that popped up I said there's my favorite character, and that happened every time we saw a different character. You might think the movie gets a bit confusing with it's vast cast of characters but thankfully it does not. Hell I can't even call them characters because they are as real as you or me. And that is what I loved about the movie, it centers around relationships. Almost any relationship that you can think of is potrayed in this movie and it is 120% accurate! This is what happens in the world that involves relationships, there are good moments, bad moments, love is won, and love is lost. If there has ever been a movie with the sole theme of love it IS this movie! And I can't believe I have never seen it before. So please for the love of all things good and wholesome in this world, I implore you to go see this movie. The time is right to view it, and the movie really has a strong point that Christmas is a time to spend with people that you love. In my personal opinion that is with any holiday but Christmas especially. This movie makes you want to spend time with the people that you love more than anything in this world. It's almost necessary to see this movie if you haven't already. I promise you will love Love Actually.