Dune Part Two

Okay. I can dig it.

Obviously this isn't a case of is the sequel better because well it's just the second half of a movie, but a very good one regardless. The plot is a bit more streamlined in terms of synopsis with Paul and the Fremen waging guerilla warfare against the Harkonnens and pretty soon the Emperor himself, but the film does not rush let me tell you. Pushing 3 hours with credits it takes it's time in divulging all these plot pieces on the board, from expanding on the Harkonnens with a new adversary Feyd-Rautha, Paul's mom Jessica is pretty much starting a cult and raising the legend of the Kwisatz Haderach, the machinations of the Empire, and the romance between Paul and Chani. You know for a movie that was marketed heavily on the romance angle, even TV spots didn't excise it, it's about as rushed and did just as much for me like in the Lynch movie which was....not at all. Totally not bashing Timothèe or Zendaya, frankly the acting across the board is good yet nothing to write home about, but man the romance was just not built for me. I would be remiss not to shoutout Christopher Walken as the Emperor, which is quite possibly the strangest casting I've run across. But then again, Sting. Also Austin Butler, man have you got range cause you honestly weirded the shit outta me and beautifully so! Just to be upfront and honest I truthfully feel there is more subtitled dialogue than actual english dialogue here, which first and foremost round of applause for these actors to learn this dialect and be able to emote well on top of that and second that's not a turn off for me but some folks can't do subtitles so I get it. The film certainly hasn't lost a bit of it's cinematic edge, I dare say it even doubles down on it making it even bigger and grander than the first! Dune will probably never look better, at least in my lifetime. However I think people's biggest issue with the film will be the ending, yet once again I actually didn't mind it. It truthfully made me want to pick up Dune Messiah and I haven't even read the first damn book, and even if they didn't adapt any of the future novels I wouldn't give a rat's ass that's how open I am now to dive into these books. Because you have to remember this isn't just one novel this is a series so they absolutely can tease a continuation should they feel so inclined. I liked it just fine, more than willing to watch the full cut of the movie in the future and honestly rewatch the Lynch version again, not for everybody but I can recommend it if for nothing else than visual appeal. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10 with room to grow in the future. And of course we'll wrap up this week tomorrow with a look at a doomed but fantastical sounding Dune iteration.

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Back. For a moment in time.

Sooo....I've lost count, how many subsequent years have they transferred animation to live action? Well they've been doing it since 2014 if you count Maleficent, but actually they've only gotten one out every year since 2019 but they slammed us with FOUR in that year alone so once more unto the breach! And shock twist everyone, I haven't seen The Little Mermaid since my pre-teen years and only remember these things which I shall list now. Our principle cast, the dog, four songs, we nearly got teen nudity when Ariel transforms, Ursula's design was based on Divine of Pink Flamingos fame and just drag queens in general, annnnd her dad had the biggest arc of all the characters. So mostly I'm walking into this blind, and I liked it okay. It's certainly no Cruella in my book but it sure ain't The Lion King levels of fucking useless either. It's decent, the story follows close to the original with some minor change ups, the cinematography is pretty good with no fear of using color or spectacle, the cast is solid, and I really only had two problems with the movie. The first being minor but too stupid to let slide, now I haven't seen the original in probably close to 20 years but I sure as shit don't think there was a brief rap segment in the movie. Seriously, what the hell?? Second, this isn't a detracting point at all it was just something in the back of my brain that kept poking me and saying hey this bothers me but, Ariel looks about 17 and Eric looks about 31, I have issues telling age because I'm old and kinda blind without my glasses, but it just kept striking me as odd. And yet I did like their romance, they had genuinely very cute and funny moments! Halle Bailey is uber adorable and effortlessly captures the wide eyed wonder, passion, and curiosity for the human world, I really can't say a bad thing about her even if I tried. Jonah Hauer-King is a decent lead, you can tell he has compassion and understanding which lends well to the budding romance and while they change his hypnotized state a the end and not for the better in my mind, solid. Melissa McCarthy as Ursula was a bit of a linch pin for me, cause I had no idea until fairly recently and I could see it going bad or good. She actually did quite well, got the drama queen personality, sported a Divine-esque look, and even sang well so no strikes there. Javier Bardem as King Triton, I'm always down for that man and while it is a minor part like in the animated film you still get a firm grasp on him being an overprotective father but they kinda did him dirty a notch by not showing regret immediately after he trashes Ariel's collection, it just gave him more of a dick edge. I think my favorite part of the entire movie is just how done Sebastian is with this shit chasing after this girl non-stop, it just made me laugh. I gotta say the movie sure showcased the beauty and horror of the sea, with more creatures and atmosphere than you can shake a stick at, but I do end up wondering how did they film the actors? Cause sure when it's the far away shots it's all computer, but how did they get them to float and swirl and have their hair move as if they did film underwater?? I have no idea so I guess movie magic isn't completely dead. I'm probably not gonna change anybody's mind on this movie and indeed it does feel like I'm shaking the rust off my typing fingers, but it's a decent movie. I didn't know what to expect so I expected nothing and got a movie that had moments I liked and ultimately walked out of the theater with another live action remake that didn't make me mad or sad. So victory is victory. And if nothing else this gives a redemption chance to those hack fucks who wrote such inebriated garbage dismissals of the animated movie. 3 stars, 7.5/10, and I guess more dimensional traversal next week so see you then.

Skyfall

This is gonna be a hard one to top once No Time To Die hits.

I've heard endless amounts of people say Skyfall is one of their favorites if not their most favorite James Bond movie, and I happen to agree with them. After the tepid at best reaction to Quantum, it was no surprise EON wanted to make the best Bond movie for the 50th anniversary to which I say they did exceptionally well. But would it have really killed them to do a proper gunbarrel? Casino Royale, fine it works, new era, and a brilliant way to introduce the new Bond. Quantum Of Solace, pointless, you could maybe make a case that it bookends the Vesper storyline but come on. Now bloody Skyfall. That's pretty much my only gripe for the movie, it's class from shot one. It implements and executes the best Bond is dead trope of the series, has a wonderful story with actual themes and character development, great action, just enough of a nod to the fans to celebrate the golden anniversary, and really gets to the status quo that we've had for the majority of this series. I do say this is Daniel's best performance, Judi's best performance, has one of the best Bond villains, we get a new Moneypenny and Q who are brilliant, so the actors could not be better picked. Daniel really has come into his own in this role, finally being the Bond we know with the wit, skill, and charm synonymous with the character and is given plenty of little touches that give James some depth. Dame Judi could not be on better form if she tried, the story focuses a lot on her which is awesome in my eyes, and thus she gets to give a truly award winning performance (Seriously the Academy Awards can kiss the darkest part of my pale ass for not even considering this role as a nomination). Javier Bardem is your villain. Sweet Jesus do I love that man. F***ing brilliant, 10/10! I initially gave Ben Whishaw good grief for being our new Quartermaster, because well Q has always been my favorite character in this series above all others, and just like John Cleese I've come to truly love and appreciate their work in these films. Naomie Harris, oh my darling how I adore thee, she is wonderful in this role, honest to God is probably my second or third favorite Moneypenny, just saying. Her potential is almost unbelievable and I truly hope we see these players stick around for a bit. But enough gushing over the performances, how's the story? Quite brilliant, with Bond after a close brush with death returns after MI6 has been bombed and quickly discovers of a past agent with a very single minded purpose of killing M, leading 007 to return to less than missed places to keep her safe. The theme of old vs. new is such a deeply rooted theme, in the visuals, dialogue, and overall story, and one which I say is incredibly welcome and appropriate. No better personified in the hearing scene where MI6 is questioned of whether or not it should even still be a branch of government, that espionage and intelligence gathering has grown beyond the place of spies and agents, and I would go so far as to say it truly is the best scene in the movie. Sam Mendes is a talented director who knows how to convey themes and messages without coming off as head bashingly obvious or insufferable, but also knows how to make damn impressive shots. I mean Casino Royale was outstanding, but this movie has a different view but nevertheless incredibly strong and memorable. Hell even the title sequence is the best of the Craig era and one of the best just period. Hearing Adele on a proper theater sound system sure got the goosebumps going. And this was my second James Bond movie I ever saw in theaters, good God I can't even believe I have to say Quantum was my first. Couldn't I just lie? Strangely I didn't see Spectre in theaters either, which you think would be a no brainer after the huge positive results from Skyfall. But we will get to that movie next time. But for now, easy 4 stars, 9/10, couldn't recommend it more. Skyfall is waaaay up there in the ranking for sure and I highly doubt it's going to be budging anytime soon.

In Retrospect: Mother!

You know what? I get it now.

Yeah after Mother broke my mind and left me literally senseless, on a second viewing, it makes more sense. After the bizzare yet genius ending that made me just break down in crazed laughter, and knowing all the major events and oddities of this film, when you watch it again it makes a hell of a lot more sense. When I was walking back from the theater trying to figure out what I just witnessed, I was just throwing ideas to the wind and I said, "So is this movie trying to tell me Javier Bardem is God?" and that was a stab in the dark. But that stab in the dark hit the mark. Now I'm rhyming. This movie is something else man. I do highly suggest if you decide to see this movie, after you are done, read speculation on the movie and what it means. It will all make sense when you do that. But my opinion has changed. It is a good movie with excellent suspense, Jennifer Lawrence as Insaid carries the film and I legit liked her in this movie and Javier Bardem is well, Javier Bardem so I love him, the movie is surreal, metaphorical, genuinely disturbing. And if that sounds like your kind of movie, great! If not, yeah I still get it. I'm glad I saw it again, for I am not one of those people who see a movie once alone, and certainly not a person who says, "I did not get it at all, this was the worst movie." screw that noise. If a film perplexes you multiple viewings are required. Like Blade Runner! Speaking of which, the new one hits video soon so I will no doubt talk about both when the time comes. But until then, judge for yourself and I will see you next time.

Mother!

What the french toast did I just watch?

I just....I can't. I can't form cohesive words and sentences regarding this movie. I can't even describe the plot without giving away the movie. But the movie was done by Darren Aronofsky, who directed films like Black Swan and Requiem For A Dream, severe mind breaking movies with lots of metaphor and surreal environments and this movie is no exception. This was just an interesting movie going experience. Let me set the scene: I bought my ticket, it's 12 minutes to showtime, I walk in the theater. I am alone. It's dark, cold, and silent. No movie ads, no commercials, the screen is blank. I sat there for 10 minutes in utter silence and darkness. It was the closest thing to sensory deprivation I have ever experienced. And I think it was done on purpose to already kinda unnerve you and get you ready for the movie. It's a trip to say the least, and surprisingly Jennifer Lawrence is the one that carries the film. Javier Bardem is in it but not much, so it's all down to Jennifer. And if you know me, I'm not a fan of her work and yet I can safely say she did a really good job. At first I thought she was harsh, cold, and rude, hell even one guy calls her the c-word. But then I thought, if you were in her situation you would feel very much the same. And her situation is unapologetic in it's blunt, uncomfortable, and just plain awkward dialogue. You know how in most movies if it gets awkward, people change the subject or try to lighten the mood? Yeah, that never happens here. The whole movie is just one slow burning climax, with the camera constantly moving in a handheld fashion making the house seem like a maze and can inspire claustrophobia easily. Added to this is the nonexistent soundtrack, there is no music. None. Not even like ambient background noise, until the end credits. It reminds me of No Country For Old Men but even with that movie the film score was subdued but it was there. So the lack of music makes it easier for the film to get under your skin. It's like if you took The Shining, Misery, and The Wicker Man and added that extra dash of WTF and you got a movie that will leave you speechless. At the end, I was laughing like a mental patient. I'm not even sure if this was a good movie or a bad movie, it's in it's own little world entirely seperate from all things natural and it gets disturbing. After I left the theater, I was very perplexed at what I just witnessed and still can't find proper words to describe it. This is no doubt a movie that must be viewed multiple times to fully grasp it, so if you feel brave and experimental go check it out. If not, I can't say I blame you. I tell you what, if you can walk out of the theater and not utter the words "What the f*** did I just watch?" I will give you a medal, alright? Like, just damn. I got nothing. This was weirder than The Lobster and that stuff was already pretty damn weird! So congratulations Mother, you are the official most bizzare film I have ever reviewed!

Pirates Of The Carribean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Oh, Javier Bardem you deserved so much better.














Wow, this movie was underwhelming! I mean damn. I thought On Stranger Tides was worthless! This is a new level. Nothing happens in this movie. At all. Jack has even less standing in this adventure than the last movie which is somehow possible. So basically evil undead pirates have a score to settle with Jack, forcing Will and Elizabeth's son to do something about it that has nothing to do with Jack. Plot done, now onto the stupid. You heard right, Will and Elizabeth (Who are in the movie for maybe 4 minutes.) have a kid, who wants to free his dad from the Dutchman so he seeks Jack's help to....are you ready for this? Find the Trident of the sea god Poseidon. Pills...need pills now. And you know what the worst part is? This movie shouldn't exist. Do not fall for that bait and switch trailer where it treats it like the final Pirates movie, people will die, nothing will be the same anymore, Jack will no longer be alive. Bullshit!! Nothing happens in the movie, and Jack is alive and well at the end. This is the worst possible movie for one reason: there is nothing to talk about. With good movies, you praise them and love talking about them. With bad movies, you bitch at it but it is kinda cathartic and fun, you get to bash a movie and even provide constructive criticism. But with movies like this? There is no material to talk about. So why am I writing this review? Well that's where you are wrong, this is not a review. It is a warning. Do not watch this movie! Spend 2 hours of your time doing something better. You are better than I solely because you have not viewed this massive pile of nothing. I'm done. Goodnight.

No Country For Old Men

Alright time to sober up a little bit. For this week and next week, we'll look a more serious films for the most part. So let's get started.

No Country For Old Men is a really damn good suspense movie by the Coen brothers following an everyday man who stumbles upon a whole world of problems after stealing about a million in cash from some drug dealers and is being hunted down by one of the most terrifying characters in film. No wonder Javier Bardem won an Academy Award for his performance, hell if there is ever a reason to see this movie it is because of his performance. This movie is one part suspense thriller, one part character study, and one part trying to figure out what in God's name the ending is. Yeah, one of those movies! But regardless of endings, still a good movie. The cast is a big part of the film's success, Josh Brolin who I think is a good actor does well here, Tommy Lee Jones does fine work like he always does, but Javier Bardem man...he makes a coin toss the most piss pants scariest thing in the world. One of the things I noticed prevalently in the film is the notion of the unknown. Many characters talk about the unknown factors, both in other characters and just in the sense of the world. And more importantly how they don't want to face the unknown but when it comes to Javier's character they have to. It is human fact that we are afraid of the unknown, and in that sense Javier's character is the most fear inducing thing ever. Everything he says is something you never hear, almost riddles mixed with more riddles. You have no idea why he does these things and that's what makes his character interesting and scary. And the other thing I noticed is an unnatural absence of music. Oh, I've heard there is a grand total of about 16 minutes of music but I ain't heard a second of it. It makes the film feel much more tense and uncomfortable so hey, big points for that. I like how the story is set in Texas for the most part, specifically in the year 1980. Although most of the film was shot in New Mexico and Mexico with sparse locations actually in Texas, it looks like West Texas. But after all is said and done, it really an interesting movie to watch and talk about so I say watch it and let me know what you make of it.

Alright, tomorrow we plunge headfirst into Quentin Tarantino's directorial debut.