Pirates Of The Carribean: On Stranger Tides

Okay, and here we go.....

What happened to pirates getting treasure? Is that too bland for audiences? Oh no, we got to have Jack look for the friggin' Fountain Of Youth, and yes I know it was teased at the end of well...At World's End but still! Okay, one step at a time. This movie is not terrible but boy howdy if you've stuck around this long you've kinda gotten use to this. So Jack is pretty much racing towards the Fountain, with Barbossa, and even Captain Blackbeard on his trail, all fighting for eternal youth. But wait, there's more! You can't just grab a cup and dip it in the fountain, kinda like in The Last Crusade, oh no. You have to (And pay attention there will be a test later.) get two silver goblets, very specific silver goblets created by Ponce de Leon, you have to capture a mermaid, collect said mermaid's tears because they spoil (God give me strength....), use said goblets to reveal the location of the Fountain, fill the goblets with water from the Fountain, then put the tear in ONE goblet, and play the "You must choose, but choose wisely." game in order to finally obtain eternal youth. Ugh!! This whole ceremony is hucking forrible, who's convoluted idea was this? Oh God, but anyway. Cast is fine, Penelope Cruz is boring to say the least, and while Ian McShane when I heard he was going to be Blackbeard I thought that would be awesome! He and Barbossa are the only saving graces in this movie, and quite frankly the only reason to watch the movie. Not much else, not even Jack can help this movie. Why is he in this movie? He doesn't do anything. He doesn't even really feel like he's looking for the Fountain by his own accord, the british government forces him to do it. That's a great protagonist right? Where he has no interest or real goal in the plot, at all? Top notch. I really didn't want to write this review, this is the movie I dreaded the most, not At World's End but this movie. I can remember several scenes from all the movies almost from beginning to end, almost a loose retelling of the whole movie. Not in this movie! Let's count, I remember the whole London escape scene, when Barbossa and Jack get the silver goblets and are captured, the waterfall scene, and the big fight at the end. And the Queen Anne, Blackbeard's ship which does precisely dick in this movie! Great job guys, no ship battle with a legit enchanted magical ship? I applaud your impotence. So let's see that's.......4 SCENES!!! That's got to be some kind of a record for me! I remember almost TOO many things from movies! It comprises 70% of my brain, roughly. But nope, can't remember much from this movie. Just don't watch it. The only reason you should watch any movie between the first movie and this one, is because plot elements come up in the new movie. And even then, you probably don't have to watch the second or third movie! So watch the first, tomorrow I'm seeing Dead Men Tell No Tales, and it better be good!

Pirates Of The Carribean: At World's End

This was a long ass movie.

Just because you're the third part of a movie franchise does not mean you get a Lord Of The Rings run time. This movie goes on for 3 hours, and I can recap the plot in about 2 minutes. So it's all out war now between the pirate lords of the seven seas, and the british navy, and the Flying Dutchman with our usual cast of pirates smack dab in the middle. Bam, done! An easy story to tell, and it's done quite well. Although, the whole movie is about 2 hours of buildup to the final ship battle, 20 minutes of good action, and 10 minutes of resolution. But, the 2 hours is fine. Kinda. It starts off pretty damn grim though, if I put this opening scene on you would seriously not guess it to be Pirates Of The Carribean. More like Schindler's List mixed with Les Miserables. Yeah. But the movie is fine after that, it has a great size and scale to it, really giving the impression that this is the big finale to the story of the past 2 movies. And it....kinda delivers. Revelations are told, battles commence, people die. You know what, screw it the opening is just the beginning of this movie's darkness. I mean you see people get shot dead square between the eyes, have spikes shoved through people's skulls, the epitomy of a skull f*** if I have ever seen one, and several impalements. Guys, are you dead sucking ferious? This is supposed to be a movie for you know, kids, families, not really adults. You just had to get that PG-13 rating didn't you? Christ. I don't hate this movie, but I got problems with it. A lot of people do, people really did not like this movie. I can kinda see why. My main gripe though is it should have been the end. That should tell you something about the next movie, eh? Everyone's story comes to an end, it should have just ended with Will and Elizabeth together, Barbossa having his crew and ship back, and Jack wandering off to go on more marvellous misadventures. But no! Tune in tomorrow for Jack Sparrow to find the Fountain Of Youth!! I swear it's true! Oh boy, here we go....

Pirates Of The Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

Sequel time!

Okay second film in the Pirates series, which I actually quite like even though it was quite literally written as it was being filmed. Oops. But anywho, story time! Jack has a debt to pay to the infamous Davy Jones, and in order to get out of it Jack as well as several other parties search for the eponymous dead man's chest. Not as hard to describe the plot as the last movie is it? Plot's pretty straightforward all things considered. Acting is still just as fine as ever, although Bill Nighy is quite engaging as the captain of The Flying Dutchman, in fact Davy Jones is my favorite part of the movie. His character beyond superstitous talk and legend of him and what power he wields in the seas, is actually a mystery. And I love the design of him and his crew, cursed men which have morphed with various sea life, for example a man has a normal body but has the head of a hammerhead shark, Davy Jones is a man with tentacles for a beard and a crab leg and arm attached to a human body. Sounds pretty great and it looks outstanding too. Surprisingly there's not much action wise, but when you look back at the first movie we had, a town raided, a ship chase, and the final fight between Jack and Barbossa. In this movie we have this very bizzare escape from an island filled with cannibals (Don't look at me, I didn't write it!), two attacks by the Kraken, one long ass swordfight which I have no doubt goes on for about 15 or 20 minutes which is the only swordfight by the way, and a brief ship chase. Yeah....not quite the action masterpieces our memories had of these movies. But action isn't everything if the story is good, and we like the characters. The story isn't that great, but I still like it just for the villain. Jack and company are still fun to be around so I can't say the film has truly flopped. But tomorrow, we talk about the film most people consider to be the absolute worst and I have not seen that movie for years so it will be interesting to say the least. So tune in tomorrow where we meet our cast At World's End.

Pirates Of The Carribean: Curse Of The Black Pearl

We're devils and black sheep, we're really bad eggs.....

A whole week of Pirates, huzzah! First movie that kicked off the franchise way back in 2003. Crazy it's been that long huh? Hell of a movie to kick things off! The story is....quite complicated for the first movie. I find it difficult to compress this film into a synopsis, I'd almost have to tell it step by step but that would ruin the movie. So let's attempt to recap here, so the movie follows three main characters, Captain Jack Sparrow a pirate, Will Turner a blacksmith, and Elizabeth Swan the daughter of a governor who pretty much gets kidnapped by pirates and Jack and Will set off to save her. There's a hell of a lot more to it than that so don't let this review fool you. Now to the cast, I can sum it up in one word. Awesome! Johnny Depp is awesome as a pirate, Orlando Bloom does okay though I prefer him more as an elf in Middle Earth, Keira Knightley is really no nonsense in this movie which I enjoy, but...I think Geoffrey Rush as Barbossa steals the show. He is so wickedly amazing and devilishly cool, he really seals this movie as a damn good movie in my eyes! The action is terrific, with well choreographed sword fights and ship battles. The sets are incredibly well done, it is a period piece obviously, I'm guessing late 1600s or early 1700s, either way the film looks great in terms of costumes and set design. The music which was composed by Hans Zimmer is fun, that's the best way I can describe it! It has mystery and intrigue, all out swashbuckling action, and even comedy! However, there is certain flaws with this movie. One, Commodore Norrington is planning on marrying Elizabeth. Fine! No problem, if he you know, didn't age I mean, at all,  and he looked about 27 when she was maybe 10. Eww. Seriously, dude didn't age a day in about what, 15 years? Bugs me. Two, how did Will get the medallion? In fact, why and how was his shipped attacked when he was a small boy? If Barbossa was looking for the medallion, how did he know it was on that ship and/or not find Will? Third, boy that ceremony seemed complex. Not as complex as the whole mermaid thing in the fourth movie, but one step at a time here. All in all, it's a fun movie, it's highly enjoyable, a popcorn movie if there was one, and I give it two thumbs up!

Tomorrow, Jack meets the devil of the seven seas himself....