The Worst Witch

Maybe I spoke too soon on the whole cult movie thing.

Cause there are cult movies and then there are CULT movies, and I don't think it gets cultier than this. I'm sure I discovered this movie existed along with several other individuals through the magic of YouTube with Tim Curry's smash hit Anything Can Happen On Halloween and I decided sod it, let's see the movie. It's...humble. That's the best way I could describe it, it's a TV movie on a shoestring budget in the mid 80s, concerning a young but clumsy witch by the name of Mildred Hubble as she desperately tries to learn magic at a prodigious school. That's the basic gist and for a movie at a whopping 80 minutes, actually has a pretty decent pace and doesn't get super involved. It's really some Halloween fluff for young kids but has a bit of charm to it. I'm almost certain I would treasure this movie if I saw it around the age of 5, like I did with stuff like Halloweentown, and I know it is far far from everyone's taste but I actually quite liked it. I think the reason it worked so well for me is due to the cast, Fairuza Balk is great in this movie! She has so much heart and makes it all seem believable, she really did come into this with the best attitude and now I can say I've seen her in 2 witchy films. Diana Rigg is in the movie too, it's kinda wild how we got a quantum of star power into this, and likewise she plays it incredibly straight taking on a very genderbent Severus Snape role which I didn't quite know I needed in life but she's a treasure. It's actually kinda funny knowing Tim who plays The Grand Wizard is the best known part of the movie but he's maybe in it for a bit over 5 minutes, and it's even more hilarious cause every girl at this school, student or teacher, goes absolutely gaga for him! It was a different time, you could be like 9 years old and crush hardcore on a guy three times your age there was nothing weird about it back then. He is pretty majestic and God knows if I had the time and materials he would be my Halloween costume without question or doubt, and the song is magnificently bizzare in a way only the 80s could deliver. It's a extremely rudimentary film but if you like that sort of underground, buried, long forgotten sort of mood to productions where you can just get in the mindset and have fun with it, even if you see it just once you might like it a fair bit. The movie produced one of the most boisterously evil laughs of my life, and it was indeed unironically funny at times but for that alone it gets a gold sticky star from me. You can find the whole flippin' film on the YouTubes so if you need an hour to burn might as well see green screen witches flying about. 3 stars, 7.5/10, and tomorrow we get to a film that once again I could have sworn I reviewed years ago. Old age, it's not fun kids.

The Cat Returns

Well...Jesus! Alright, let's go! Potential spoilers ahead all ye who enter here.




What in the nine circles of hell have I just witnessed? This movie is so goddamn weird man, it is bonkers!! Consider me flabbergasted, I can't speak right now. Like you would think, after alllll this time, with all the weird shit I have seen in my life, this movie would be next door to a normal day but I can scarcely find the words to describe it. So bear with me here as I attempt to recap this wacked out plot. Okay, so we meet a young girl named Haru who one day after school rescues a cat from being ran over in the street (my hero, rock on), said cat then starts talking and pretty soon Haru starts recieving gifts cause turns out the cat she saved is the prince of a cat kingdom. But that's not the strange part. She later is informed of a cat bureau where she meets a giant tubby white cat named Muta, a statue that turns into a crow named Toto, and a not cat but an actual figurine of a cat with top hat and tails and a cane named Baron Humbert von Gikkiken. But that's not the strange part. Haru is then kidnapped by a herd of cats who can GO THROUGH PORTALS, and is spirited away to the cat kingdom to be wed to the prince. But that's not the strange part! It's all the shit that happens after she gets to the castle. She starts turning into a cat herself, Muta seemingly dies from overeating, several cats are hurled out of the tower window, and then a rescue is underway with the Baron leading the charge to get Haru back to the human world. I swear to Christ, it's like if you took the plot of Labyrinth, injected so much mental ass imagination straight from Japan in it's arm, threw in a Hollywood studded cast, shoved it head first into a Ninja blender, flipped that puree switch and boom. You got yourself the most batshit Studio Ghibli movie I have ever seen in my life and already their resume is pretty out there! I cannot get over it, now do not get me wrong this is like high flying entertainment on crack, I can't bitch about one single thing, but I'm still trying to catch my breath along with my ballistically spread fired braincells, to try to review it but I'm not sure I can. It's great. But logic is not in the repertoire here for a split second, you just gotta roll with it, you can't question it. Don't question it, and you'll be fine. What's odder is I know this cast very well even, but for the life of me I couldn't recognize their voices. Anne Hathaway is Haru and she is hilarious with how almost deadpan and blunt her line deliveries are, she's wonderful in this role. Friggin' Cary Elwes as the Baron, do I need to say anything else? It's Cary Elwes, that charismatic handsome bastard could have me in a sentence. Peter Boyle as Muta, could not place the voice for the life of me but my God is he great in this, giving such bravado as this tough guy cat but just kills me throughout as comic relief. It took until like 3/4 of the way through the movie for me to recognize that was Tim Curry as the Cat King, I don't know how don't ask me how, yet with that man in any role it's guaranteed gold! I was laughing uproariously at parts, to the point where I had to stop the movie just to catch my breath, my mind couldn't handle the barrage assault of comedy given at points where it was just hit after hit. I'm probably gonna get noise complaints but screw it, they can suck on coxen, this was such a ride man. Apparently this is a semi-sequel to Whispers Of The Heart also by Studio Ghibli, I had no clue about that, and if I'm not horribly mistaken this movie came out after Spirited Away so we're still on that cutting edge new millenium animation style. I thought it looked fantastic with so much intricate layers of animation on the busy streets, with such crisp bright colors, it looks outstanding. You could lie straight to my face and be like oh yeah this movie came out 4 years ago, and I'd believe you! I'm speechless and floundering for words, so I'm sorry if this review is just all over the place, you just gotta see it my bros. You just have to. I can't fathom even a rating beyond 4 stars, so let's just say a solid 8/10! I'm gonna have to take some thorazine and have a nap so I can calm down. I'll see you tomorrow for a more recent exhibit from this studio.

IT (1990): Part 2

Cheating? Yes. But it was split with one part on the 18th of November, and the second part on the 20th so my timing works! (Except for the month obviously.)

I know a lot of people say the second half is the weaker part of the mini-series, but honestly I enjoyed it a lot more and felt it told a better story. So finally we get all our grown up kids to Derry, and though they don't really plan on facing Pennywise from the start I don't mind. This half had a lot to enjoy and I noticed something that I hope the new movie captures, a lot of it is focused on the grown ups spending a lot of time with each other, reminiscing, and just enjoying each other's company, it really does seem like these actors have known each other for years and they just got the band back together. I like that nostalgia angle they play, and I'm sure Stephen King wrote those interactions wonderfully in the book. I can fully accept that these characters are what the kids would grow up to be, they play their parts very well! We get a tiny touch more of Pennywise and he is way more funny in this one. I love the way Tim plays It, but he made me more laugh than freak out whereas Bill Skarsgard can make me laugh but also creep me right the hell out sometimes accomplishing both att the same time. However, I love the evocative Lovecraftian vibes it gives with this entity, this creature being the eater of worlds and of children, this whole cosmic horror thing is played well...until the end. The problem with cosmic horror is these entities cannot be comprehended by human minds, so what do they look like? Pennywise says that their tiny minds can't fully see him and are only seeing what they can, so how does the giant spider thing work? It can't be it's true form cause that goes against the Outer God view that they have of It, and you can't deceat such a creature even if you do cowtip the thing and rip it's heart out. I simultaneously love that idea but also hate it, I love it cause I dig that Cthulu standpoint on the character but I hate it because it just doesn't add up to how it appears and is defeated. Even lesser beings in the echelon of Outer Gods can't really die by mortal hands, but Stephen King has made his own intricately woven web of lore so it is entirely possible that this is the end for Pennywise. So yeah, this is a definite improvement on the first part for me and I'm infinitely intrigued by how the new movie will handle this. It's funny, for the mini-series the first part was eh but the second part was pretty good, but with the movie the first part was excellent so how will the second part hold up? Well if it has that good character interaction, the proper buildup for the fight, and ties the loose ends up in a satisfying and well executed way, not to mention just tell the story in an intriguing and entertaining way like this part of the mini-series, then we'll have a great horror duology. But that comes for a later time. If you actually enjoyed the first part then no doubt you'll want to see how it ends, so all I can do is give a thumbs up to this second half of a pretty out there but fun story.

And so we wait for the new movie. Don't you want it?

IT (1990): Part 1

Well how else are we supposed to start September?

Now I will freely admit I've never seen this mini-series before, so I have no nostalgia or childhood fears from it, so how does the beginning chapter of this story hold up? It's okay, it's not amazing nor is it horrible, I mean it's a difficult task to adapt any body of fiction but Christ I would hate to be the director to bring a 1,000 page book to life. And I think because of that and plus the barely hour and a half runtime makes the story a little choppy and rushed throughout. Flashback is our main way of story telling cause we begin in Derry when all our protagonists are grown up and a slew of child murders has been going on leading Mike, the newest kid to the town start ringing up his old friends to tell them that a figure they've met before has returned. And I can safely I like all the performances from our adult and child actors, though I did notice the adult versions act more like kids than the actual kids, with Ben and Bill still being my favorite characters. True the flashbacks gets old but I understand the reason why they had to do it, and it gives the adult actors some real moments to shine as these memories they would sooner forget start creeping back into their minds. It's mostly just getting to know these characters in their daily lives dealing with this horrific stuff, and I can appreciate that character development but what you see is really what you get. But let's face it and just be real for a second, you watch this movie for Tim Curry. Don't lie to yourself, unless you are a hardcore Stephen King fan you pretty much come to see Tim Curry. And I hate to say it but he's not in it very much, to the point where I completely forgot there was a child eating clown in this movie which you would think would be highly difficult to forget, but it's true! He's barely in the first half, but I relished the time he had on screen. I know this is pretty much the single handed reason why people don't like clowns today, and I kinda hate this movie for that reason. I quite like clowns! They are entertainers and good company to be around, stop it. I'm sure Tim Curry would have scared me off my rocker when I was younger, but really anything could have scared me back then that was even just a tiny bit intimidating, so he doesn't freak me out. I found him funny in places but I can still see him as a threat, you can see the dread these kids feel at times and the scene where they resolve to deal with this entity is easily the best scene in I'm almost willing to say the whole mini-series. I think it's just the lack of music, the emotion Bill has which then gets supported by his friends is really damn good! I almost say watch it just for that scene. The music is nice, the direction has some nice shots here and there, the editing is a bit hokey but you can roll with it. I just kinda give it an average 6/10 for the first part, maybe the second will bring me more enjoyment since it'll be more payoff than build up so we shall see. I didn't go out to hate on the movie so don't wring my neck if you don't like the rating, I know this mini-series holds good ground with other people but it was just adequate to me and I say you should see it (ha ha ha....) at least once. Oh God please don't let the second part suck.....

The Clone Wars: Season 6

The end, for now.

It's always a sad day when you finish a show you greatly love. Season 6 or The Lost Missions are the closing episodes of the series, or so we thought. It already begins with an excellent four part story dealing with one of our oldest clone allies Fives who after a clone trooper kills a Jedi is researching the clone development process and comes across a crucial part of the soon to be Emperor's plan. It's rough to watch at the end. It has so much weight to it because you've known this soldier for 6 seasons and his story comes to an end, and you don't want it to. Pull a Force Unleashed, take the canon and shoot it out of a cannon into the next galaxy. But sadly it does not come to pass. Then we get a really good story with Padme and Anakin's relationship coming to a breaking point, and actually gives some great substance to the relationship and tests their love. It makes the gag inducing romance subplot of Attack Of The Clones somewhat tolerable. And right before the end we have a true tribute to the fantasy movies of the 80s, seriously if you recount the plot it screams movies like Beastmaster, Ladyhawk, and so on. A brave warrior, Mace Windu teams up with his bumbling sidekick, Jar Jar to save a queen from an evil witch. That's fantasy story 101 and if you're a fan of that kind of stuff like I am it's a fun adventure before the finale. The last story arc deals with the Jedi finally looking into the Jedi Master who created the clone army and coming to a few discoveries and Master Yoda hears from an old friend beyond the grave setting him out on a quest to know the secret of life after death. Not only do we get some good old fashion trials, more Force entities, and getting more and more hints of things that have not yet come to pass but you get to finally have a story dedicated to Yoda. How interesting that the first episode and the last episode center around Yoda. And it ends pretty definitively, I could pop in Revenge Of The Sith right now and feel a complete story was told. It even plays that heart aching music when Ahsoka left, so the finale is a very nice but somber ending which makes sense when you reach the events of Episode 3. It was great going back and watching the whole series one last time before it left Netflix, and regardless of ending I am excited and interested to see what they will do next with this series. Thank you all for joining me, I felt it was time to talk about a great show based off my favorite thing in the world, maybe I got you interested to try it out or just pitched in with the discussion of the show between fans. There's so much to talk about that I couldn't cover everything but if you want to ask a question about this or that or start a discussion I certainly can't say no to you. Thank you very much, see you next time, and as always may the force be with you.

Home Alone 2

I think because of both of these movies I always watch where I'm stepping all the time.

I'm not doing a plot synopsis, I think even the director admitted it was just a bigger remake of the first one, substitute being home alone with accidentaly travelling to New York, and you pretty much got the same movie with some fine additions. So let's talk about them! I love seeing New York, you get some fantastic scenery and tons of locations to see. The traps are even more inventive and somehow even more lethal than before, with a welcome return of the paint buckets but I love the new additions. And of course every bad thing I could say about this movie like the almost egregious whoring out to the Talkboy, or the exact same scary force turned friend like in the last film, or how the actor playing Kevin's dad is the most boring and phoned in trite I have ever seen in a performance despite one really funny bit, or even how carbon copy the plot is has some really outstanding bits to counter it. Like I love the owner of this toy store Kevin visits, he is one of the nicest characters I've ever seen in film he's just so nice and his voice is the cheeriest elderly voice I've ever heard and ack, it just brings me such joy. Yes they have yet another Marley character named Pigeon Lady, seriously you couldn't even name her? You had to be so lazy you couldn't even name her character Tilly or Annabelle or some nice old fashioned name? But I'll be damned, they have yet another copied scene where they sit and talk and share parts of their lives and while it doesn't have that absolutely outstanding atmosphere and sweet simplicity, the writing is absurdly good in that scene, it goes a bit deeper than the previous one and really showed why John Hughes was still a great writer even after his 80s hits. I've never heard anyone talk about it before so I had to bring it up, cause it's a real gem. Speaking of gems, Tim Curry. Ohhhhh my sweet beautiful snow, Tim Curry. You want a reason to watch this movie? Tim Curry. He cracks me up damn near every second he is on screen, he is just oozing with deliciously devilish smiles and hilarious dialogue, oh my God I just can't get enough of him! It's like he knows he's not in that good a movie but decides screw it, I'm going to have fun regardless and it is such an improvement. If Tim Curry was not in this movie, it would lose a star already from a 2/4 star rating. Yeah these movies aren't exactly the glorious movies I remember, the writing is off in terms of story, the dialogue is average which is a shame coming from Hughes cause you know he can write gooood, the traps while fun and even sometimes funny doesn't merit the lollygagging around beforehand, yet at the same time I don't hate them! They're okay movies, they have moments of greatness and can be little Christmas guilty pleasures, but man they really did not age well for me. You can always watch them with friends or family while you open presents or gorge on Christmas dinner, just as some movie fluff to put on, and get a few laughs out of the pained screams and enjoyableness of a certain actor. Adequate movies but not exactly a Christmas classic to all.

Scooby-Doo And The Witch's Ghost

It's the best and I will fight you on this.

Now of course I'm biased, I saw this at a young age and fell in love with it. But why? Why this movie above every other? I can't fully say. It has a great story, the gang meet a famous writer Ben Ravencroft who invites them to his hometown where apparently the ghost of his ancestor who was convicted of being a witch has returned. It has probably the best finale to any of the Scooby-Doo movies, the acting is great especially when you get a powerhouse like Tim Curry fully devoted to his role. Add good comedy, great animation, and the best and so far only recurring characters in the series history to return periodically. I refer of course to The Hex Girls, who I am even more biased towards because quite frankly I love them and the music they perform in the movie. But it goes deeper than that, this is a terrific fall movie, I mean like if you put it on in October it has that exquisite fall feeling to it all and perfect for Halloween. The nostalgia has skyrocketed, I watched this movie all the time, day, night, I adored it as a kid and the love has never died. The animation is crisp and fluid, the comedy actually does make me laugh at times, the characters are memorable, the music is fantastic, this just holds the title for best Scooby-Doo movie ever. This and my old tape of Scooby's Greatest Mysteries, and of course Mystery Incorporated are the crown jewels of this series for me. You wanna know why I persist to love this series even to this day? Watch those and the original show. And the best part? I share a birthday with Shaggy Rogers. Happy Birthday Casey.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

You knew it was coming. The definition of a cult film, a campy film, and a midnight movie.

How does one describe the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Uh...imagine the most sexually confused, hilarious, and all together weird film ever made with exquisite music, terrific acting, and probably the most original story ever told on any screen. It's not easy to talk about, you really just have to experience the movie. Now roll with me on this story cause it makes sense when you watch it (kinda) but it sounds insane when you describe it. Okay so the movie starts out with The Criminologist played by Charles Gray who recounts the case of Brad Majors and Janet Weiss and the events that happened on that dark and stormy night...ooooohhh!! We then meet our main characters and I got to admit they are really cute together, but on with the plot, they get a flat tire in classic horror movie fashion and end up at a friggin' castle! Well of course. And then all hell breaks loose, they meet weird although awesome characters, music, murder, and mayhem ensue and at the end it's kind of a bummer. But what a great film. Now several things come to mind, firstly who the hell could you get better than Tim Curry? Like, holy smokes this is him at his best! He just puts so much life and energy into the character, it's astonishing! Second, it's kind of hard to pick my favorite song. I mean, the whole soundtrack is beyond words kind of amazing but I think my favorite would either be the entire Floor Show, because every song goes hand in hand or The Time Warp. I know, I know, it's everyone's favorite but it's kinda hard not to greatly enjoy it. The whole soundtrack is just a cornucopia of emotions, ranging from happy, hopeful, raunchy as hell, fun, and even sorrowful. I love this movie to death, it gets weirder every single time I see it, and it could always use more fans so go see it! Hell even if the film doesn't sound anything like your cup of tea, give the soundtrack a shot, I bet you would like at least one song!

Clue The Movie

Well I already reviewed one one cult film with a bunch of dark humor, so why not review another one?


 Now you are probably thinking, "Clue? Really, Clue? The board game Clue?". Yes. Yes really, they made a movie based on the board game Clue. And in a world where they make few movies based on board games, almost all of them are horrendous. And really, Clue is the best one out of all of them and not many people have heard of this movie. But it does have it's fans out there and I am one of them. If not the biggest fan, seriously I spent several years of my life trying to track this movie down on VHS or DVD, and one day I finally got it and I was ecstatic! Now Clue was made in 1985, starring Tim Curry and a spectacular cast portraying the famous board game characters. It's strictly a comedy, even though it deals a lot with murder. This film is just fantastic in my eyes, it's comedy is great, every single one of the actors gives it their all and they do a great job, Tim Curry of course steals the show, because that's what he does, and it's just a fun movie. Now the movie pretty much follows the story of the board game with minor variations, six guests attend a party of sorts at the Hill House mansion because they are all being blackmailed and in the course of these events, their host Mr. Body is murdered, and the guests have to figure out who killed him, where, and with what. Now the whole story is carried through by the performances and as I stated they are all fantastic, the chemistry between all the actors is perfect. The humor is dark but hilarious nevertheless, and it's just a joy to watch. If you're a fan of black comedy and murder mysteries, by all means watch Clue. I don't think you will be disappointed, and honestly if I spent 3 or 4 years trying to find this movie on video, something is obviously great about it. Give it a chance and see if you can guess who did it.