Tuesday, December 13, 2022

The Cat Returns

Well...Jesus! Alright, let's go! Potential spoilers ahead all ye who enter here.

What in the nine circles of hell have I just witnessed? This movie is so goddamn weird man, it is bonkers!! Consider me flabbergasted, I can't speak right now. Like you would think, after alllll this time, with all the weird shit I have seen in my life, this movie would be next door to a normal day but I can scarcely find the words to describe it. So bear with me here as I attempt to recap this wacked out plot. Okay, so we meet a young girl named Haru who one day after school rescues a cat from being ran over in the street (my hero, rock on), said cat then starts talking and pretty soon Haru starts recieving gifts cause turns out the cat she saved is the prince of a cat kingdom. But that's not the strange part. She later is informed of a cat bureau where she meets a giant tubby white cat named Muta, a statue that turns into a crow named Toto, and a not cat but an actual figurine of a cat with top hat and tails and a cane named Baron Humbert von Gikkiken. But that's not the strange part. Haru is then kidnapped by a herd of cats who can GO THROUGH PORTALS, and is spirited away to the cat kingdom to be wed to the prince. But that's not the strange part! It's all the shit that happens after she gets to the castle. She starts turning into a cat herself, Muta seemingly dies from overeating, several cats are hurled out of the tower window, and then a rescue is underway with the Baron leading the charge to get Haru back to the human world. I swear to Christ, it's like if you took the plot of Labyrinth, injected so much mental ass imagination straight from Japan in it's arm, threw in a Hollywood studded cast, shoved it head first into a Ninja blender, flipped that puree switch and boom. You got yourself the most batshit Studio Ghibli movie I have ever seen in my life and already their resume is pretty out there! I cannot get over it, now do not get me wrong this is like high flying entertainment on crack, I can't bitch about one single thing, but I'm still trying to catch my breath along with my ballistically spread fired braincells, to try to review it but I'm not sure I can. It's great. But logic is not in the repertoire here for a split second, you just gotta roll with it, you can't question it. Don't question it, and you'll be fine. What's odder is I know this cast very well even, but for the life of me I couldn't recognize their voices. Anne Hathaway is Haru and she is hilarious with how almost deadpan and blunt her line deliveries are, she's wonderful in this role. Friggin' Cary Elwes as the Baron, do I need to say anything else? It's Cary Elwes, that charismatic handsome bastard could have me in a sentence. Peter Boyle as Muta, could not place the voice for the life of me but my God is he great in this, giving such bravado as this tough guy cat but just kills me throughout as comic relief. It took until like 3/4 of the way through the movie for me to recognize that was Tim Curry as the Cat King, I don't know how don't ask me how, yet with that man in any role it's guaranteed gold! I was laughing uproariously at parts, to the point where I had to stop the movie just to catch my breath, my mind couldn't handle the barrage assault of comedy given at points where it was just hit after hit. I'm probably gonna get noise complaints but screw it, they can suck on coxen, this was such a ride man. Apparently this is a semi-sequel to Whispers Of The Heart also by Studio Ghibli, I had no clue about that, and if I'm not horribly mistaken this movie came out after Spirited Away so we're still on that cutting edge new millenium animation style. I thought it looked fantastic with so much intricate layers of animation on the busy streets, with such crisp bright colors, it looks outstanding. You could lie straight to my face and be like oh yeah this movie came out 4 years ago, and I'd believe you! I'm speechless and floundering for words, so I'm sorry if this review is just all over the place, you just gotta see it my bros. You just have to. I can't fathom even a rating beyond 4 stars, so let's just say a solid 8/10! I'm gonna have to take some thorazine and have a nap so I can calm down. I'll see you tomorrow for a more recent exhibit from this studio.

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