Legend

This is the one that hurts the most personally.

I think it's no secret Tim was a treasure to behold and has been an almost lifelong favorite actor of mine, and I've never seen this movie and really only heard little bits and pieces through the years so it was a unique experience. Dear sweet Satan below though, can there ever just be a Ridley Scott movie with one damn cut? It was a journey in and of itself researching the 3 versions, hell I pretty much watched two of them for this review! I saw the U.S. cut and the european cut and goddammit both are a little bit of a mixed bag so I can't even say there's a definitive version, and I didn't even touch the near two and half hour version for the sake of brevity. But before we get wrapped up in the details let's talk plot. It is undoubtedly and positively high fantasy through and through, concerning a young princess embroiled in the machinations of his most infernal majesty who wishes to plunge the world in unending darkness as an unlikely hero rises to save his love and the idyllic world as well. Doesn't sound that far off from the most quintessential of fairy tales and that was without a doubt the goal for Ridley Scott and how the film is presented only pounds that truth to almost the center of the earth. Now production wise it is a visual feast of the most epic proportions, the sets are absurdly big and very involved with so much set dressing and props it would make the most die hard theater kids drool, the costuming is rich but not super flashy, the music in my personal opinion is better with the Tangerine Dreams soundtrack instead of the Jerry Goldsmith score though zero offense to Jerry, and I'll say this up front the editing is way WAY better in the european cut than the american cut which seems choppy and disjointed at times. You wouldn't think four minutes would make a tremendous difference between versions but it gives a better pace and rhythm for the scenes. I will fully admit Tim is the highlight of the film and is the biggest drawing factor, which is funny because he's really not that prevalent in the story I'd be surprised if we even get 25 minutes of him on screen but it's all in the presence and the un-fucking-believable prosthetics by Rob Bottin a king of 80s special effects. Like I'm sorry but if my choices were long haired pretty boy Tom Cruise or 7 foot tall, deep voiced, smitten Tim Curry...I guess I'm just gonna be the devil's lapdog and don't save me. I double dare you not to be enthralled by his performance and magnetism! Tim is glorious but we all know that already! Mia Sara as the princess Lily is very lovely, a true pure soul who tries to put things right and she does very very well even if it isn't exactly the deepest role and my God did she get a glow up when she's all evil queen which was wonderful. Tom Cruise, oh boy where do I start? Now do I think he did a terrible job? No. Do I think he was the right fit for the role? Also no! And apparently he was less than thrilled himself with the film and vowed never to do something like this again and stayed true to his word to this day, but hey man it was veryyyy early in his career and the fact he got Top Gun after this cemented his career. It's a decent film and considering fantasy was pretty much box office arsenic in the 80s, and yeah the film is bursting with style and beauty yet kinda lax on plot, but it no doubt has grown a cult following in the four decades since. I was happy to see it, even if it was twice just so I could compare notes and yeah let's just wrap that little tangent up. I would say go european, but man if I was actually smart and knew how to edit I would make my own fan edit with the longer runtime and the Tangerine Dreams soundtrack incorporated with some particular shots and lines kept in from the american cut. I mean I'm sure it might exist somewhere and hey if you find it drop me a line cause I'd be down for it. It's a little bit of a mess but we'll live anyway. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, last week was fucking bullshit and we need a win more than possibly ever. In fact this might be the last review until the tail end of the month mainly because I got so so much to bring to you next month in the most wonderful time of the year and well I'll need the time to make it all happen. So be good to yourselves, stay safe, and embrace the night.

Interview With The Vampire

Time to warm up for Abigail this Friday and I'll tell you now, never have I ever seen this movie all the way through.

Now I have seen bits, once upon a time as a youngin' channel surfing deep in the night and coming across some hey hey material which was...interesting to discover that's what is between a woman's legs but uhh, boy I put myself in a position just now. Movie sign!! Interview With The (not A) Vampire came out in a fairly popular decade for the genre in the 90s, recounting the life or erm, unlife of Louis who has been soaking up the nights from 1791 to the then present day of 1994 as he divulges major events of his existence. How he was made a vampire by a real sociopathic bloodsucker named Lestat, their differing opinions on hunting, a young girl named Claudia is thrown into the mix, and Louis seeks answers about his own kind. It's truly a novel story that does engage you and it was a bit of a shock to learn this was just the first book in a series of 12 novels by Anne Rice, and it seems she was quite pleased with the finished product. I have to agree, the sets and costumes alone are incredible wearing the period piece cinema style on it's sleeve for the vast majority of the runtime, the acting is good, the effects by Stan Winston though not in your face or bombastic are unique and pretty cool, you can tell this movie had a significant budget and used it wisely. I know people could make fun of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and Antonio Banderas as nosferatus but in all seriousness they treat the material seriously and do convey emotion. Yet even I will admit the movie gets melodramatic at points, Louis is a very broody vampire having an existential/morality crisis, he wishes to feed on animals rather than humans no doubt setting the precedent for Stephanie Meyers years down the road, it's a whole thing but Brad does decent work. I still hold true to the fact that the older he gets the better acting he gives. Now it is kinda weird seeing Tom as this regally dressed, morally bankrupt, beast of the night and the whole relationship between Lestat and Louis easily can be seen as straight up husbands especially when Claudia is in the fray, but if the author herself signs off on the performance I'll take it. Kirsten Dunst as the bloodlusting chomper Claudia is a solid performance from her at just 11 years of age, she has big moments to sell the horror and rage at what she has been transformed into and I bought it, she has an arc to her and changes up the dynamic while still being her own character. I will not speak badly of Antonio Banderas, firstly because he did fine work and second I don't want Guillermo to throw shade at me, but I was taken aback how little screen presence he has really not until the 3rd act so it was short but decent. Fair and due props for two elements: the first being I like how the movie balances both classic and modern, it really sells that old world feeling while coming back to more contemporary periods. Second it kinda put back the horror into vampirism, it is ridiculously easy to potray it as more romantic and sexy than scary but it confronts that yeah it seems like those ladies are riding the orgasmatron ride when bitten but then it turns to blood and screams and it's disturbing! It really is fucked up! It shows that lives are being taken, and I just haven't seen that barely at all in these types of films. Even just a smidge of introspection in a vampire movie? Practically unheard of. So I applaud the movie on those two fronts strongly. I know it's one of the corner stones of this dark and blood soaked phenom which even in and of itself has layers to the mythos and powers of vampires, and while it's no grand film it's certainly a very good one. I'd give it a solid 3 stars, 7/10! What new spore of monstrosity will the ballerina vampire unleash? I will let you know!

Top Gun Maverick

Well it had a reason to exist but did it succeed?

I'd say mostly, the story is fairly solid and answers my questions, turns out Maverick only lasted 2 months instructing and after a substantial amount of time is called in to teach a crew of pilots who are tasked with a highly lethal mission. It has your obligatory callbacks, the characters are mostly one dimensional albiet with decent casting who pull it off effortlessly, the action and cinematography of said action is still quite good...however. However it's hard to discern honestly what is real and what is effects, now on one hand that is some very strong compliments to the CG artists at work but at the same time it does take away from the spectacle of such fast flying, hard turning, and overall maneuverability of these pilots and these aircraft. This is so not a plot that delivers the who, when, how, and why when it comes to the mission briefing but honestly the first movie didn't much either. A good chunk of the movie deals with Maverick still getting over the death of Goose and is compounded when he has to instruct his son by the handle of Rooster, which delivers decent drama and strong performances from Cruise and Teller. Best scene in the movie, hands down no competition, we get Val. And motherf*** they got me, it was so damn wonderful seeing that handsome man again and when you see these two guys hug it out, I don't see Maverick and Iceman I see Tom and Val coming in hard for that long hug, they make it brief but with respect and love. Maybe a tear fell, maybe this movie tugged a heartstring, I don't care to admit it. It was goddamn lovely! The romance fell flat for me again though, again no dissing Jennifer Connelly but romance just ain't my thing. I have quality over quantity romance movies, thank you very much. But it was decent, the audience sure seemed to get their money's worth and to hear those jets fire up with a theater sound system was pretty rad, whether or not the wait was worth it must be determined by the fans. I give it 3 stars, 7/10, and I'm going to attempt to get some sleep before another day begins. No rest for the wicked.

Top Gun

I can see the appeal.

Top Gun is easily one of the most iconic movies of the 80s, and forty years later a sequel is incoming so I had to pop this cherry sooner or later, so let's talk about it. I did enjoy it, I felt it ultimately is a piece of escapist fluff but done quite well and if nothing else the soundtrack is awesome. So our story follows a fighter pilot Maverick as he is accepted into the elite air force combat program Top Gun, and more or less focuses on his training and the relationship he has with his instructor. Now this might devolve into mini-tangent after tangent so bear with me if I ramble. Now first and foremost, holy hot damn the footage they got of these jets. When the real special effects amount to maybe 10% of all the high flying action you see, I can't help but be impressed. They strapped a camera on jets flying God knows how high in the sky at very quick speeds, and there is no shakiness, there is no rumble, it's truly amazing the techniques they utilized to get such incredible shots. I will say nothing but good things about that, because they actually had to do it. You get so impressed by practical effects and I hope the sequel continues with such excellent production values. Though...I feel World War 3 could have happened oh so easily at the end, I mean we were still in the Cold War albeit closer to the end, but an american F-14 shot down 5 russian MIG's you think that would have some serious aftershocks in such a climate. But anyway, now onto cast. Again not a die hard Tom Cruise fan, I've really only scratched his filmography but he conveys the emotion necessary and fits that risk taking, gun-ho, chip on his shoulder guy who wants to be the best, and they take the time to show you why that is. It could have been ridiculously one note but has a small dash of personality to it. Of course we love Val on this show, it's great to see him and he does decent work here being a semi-rival for Maverick. Anthony Edwards made me crack up a lot, he was just so likable and down to earth as Goose and when things go south the movie succeeds in pulling emotion from the audience. Kelly McGillis even though she did fine work acting wise, I just wasn't party to the romance at all, it starts out of the blue and deepens super quick but I was severly not feeling the sparks. Which coincidentally leads to my next point, this movie's pretty gay bro. Now I don't mean that in any derogatory sense in the slightest, I kinda honestly loved it. I mean when one of the earlier lines in the movie is one guy saying "This gives me a hard on." to which the guy sitting next to him replies, "Don't tease me." you kinda need to step back and acknowledge it. A volleyball montage of just these big studly dudes sweating it up while Playing With The Boys is the song of choice, hmmmm....and I'll admit when Maverick and Iceman have their first standoff in the bar I did shout quite loudly, KISS! It's second place for most homoerotically charged movie, right below Nightmare On Elm Street 2 for me. And yeah, the quotes were pretty ridiculous in the best way possible, but I attribute that more to how famous they are if anything. I did hear that at the real Top Gun training facility they fine the pilots five bucks if they quote it, which got a pretty strong laugh out of me. The only one that made me groan and shake my head at how bad it was is the big romance line, "And I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you." oh my sweet lord that was written in a script. But like I said the soundtrack is kick ass, Kenny Loggins, Berlin, the main theme by Harold Faltermeyer, Mighty Wings by Cheap Trick, it's a damn solid soundtrack. Buy that shit on cassette and turn it up! It is pretty interesting to hear that Maverick wants to instruct at Top Gun and is granted the position, so it makes me wonder how the hell does the second movie address it? It seems like he's just coming on board to be an instructor by the second movie, but I guess I'll learn tomorrow and get that review up for everybody. 3 stars, 7/10, and until next time.

The Last Samurai

Alright America, you did good.

It was about high time after many reviews of films set in a very specific time in history to see if american filmmakers could succesfuly pay tribute to the elite class of warriors known the world over. And while it does take a grab bag of different historical elements, and not being a straight up historical recounting, the story it crafts is excellent. An american soldier is hired to train japanese soldiers in an attempt to quell a samurai rebellion, however after the first encounter he is taken by the samurai and spends months with them. He learns a bit of the language, their lifestyle, forms friendships, and eventually fights with them against the Imperial Army. It's a lot better than I'm making it out to be, this is not your cookie cutter Pocahontas/Dances With Wolves/Avatar horseshit, it has a lot more meat to it whether you're familiar with the time frame and culture or not. Surprisingly the film did much better in Japan than America, receiving a lot of praise and a very good box office intake while domestically it didn't even make it's budget back. It's a bit of a shame to see people in my own country still refuse to view films in different languages, it's not as bad as it was when this film released but it could always be better. And it is worth your time, it does go at a slow pace but never to the point of being boring or dragging at places, every scene has a reason to be, the shots are ridiculously gorgeous at times, the music is nice, the acting is the reason you stay invested even though the story is a strong one. I wasn't quite sure what to expect from Tom Cruise's character, but to see a very broken down, emotionally damaged, full on PTSD afflicted army officer who finds a bit of solace in a small village while gaining appreciation for the warriors who live there and continually learns more about them is a good narrative. It helps center even the most uncultured of individuals to understand what they are seeing. Ken Watanabe is amazing as always, so good he got his first and only Academy Award nomination which I find to be just inexcusable by the way, his character is against the rapid modernization and dissolving of his creed yet he doesn't take an antagonistic edge. The movie is more about the clashing of ideologies than swords, during the latter half of the 1800s Japan was taking it's first steps into the modern world after about 200 years of self isolation, a country frozen in time and suffered countless civil wars. And the government essentially outlaws samurai, which was a very real thing that happened and affected a lot of people. So you can understand why he stands against the governement and more importantly the Emperor who he taught as a young boy, it's just a difference of opinions with no ill will towards the other. It's such a good dynamic because in war films, there is no good or evil but just a conflict that consumes all in it's wake whether you see the scars it leaves on others or not. Samurai have a code of ethics that is showcased in this movie, and the director obviously did his homework because the film implements so much of the time period and the culture in the movie, it really is very commendable. I was not disappointed with any facet of the finished product, and while there are inevitable discrepancies with history it never detracted from the overall experience. It really is a great film that has stuff to say and commits to it's vision from beginning to end. There's no tropes, there's no emotional manipulation, it just tells the story. That's an impressive feat for any film let alone a period piece. It really affirms why I appreciate and enjoy movies of that time period and culture, and I was flipping through other examples of samurai cinema outside of the Kurosawa library and there is so much more to enjoy so I'll pick a handful of other movies to discuss and share with next week from other classic names of the chanbara genre. I strongly recommend this movie even if it is a one time viewing, and I give it a full 4 stars, 8.5/10!

Eyes Wide Shut

Okay, fine. This was the best one.

Yes Stanley Kubrick's last film is a wonderful and surreal piece of cinema that I personally feel is needing of more love. Shot over a record breaking (and still holding I believe) shoot of 400 consecutive days, Eyes Wide Shut is a bizarre movie but one I highly recommend regardless. Our story focuses on a married couple played by then real life married couple Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, who've hit a rough patch after disclosing some private and honestly rough truths about each other's love life, leading to a strange and surprisingly deep dive into their relationship and the most batshit freaky party quite possibly ever crafted in movie history. Now a lot of people have written this film off as just arthouse porn, but I couldn't disagree more with that, yes it fully warrants that R rating and nearly got a NC-17 rating cause God forbid you show a nipple even though all the more smutty scenes and topics couldn't be less erotic if they tried. The film is about a relationship and raises some big questions, is love truly equal, can love be pure lust and vice versa, what if you decided to do something to hurt your partner because you were jealous, should you feel guilty for thinking about other people besides your partner? While yes the case could be argued it is very much in the eye of the beholder, and I certainly have no issue with that, the film is very much more loose in terms of story progression and characters. Not to say they are horrible characters and the story is an absolute dumpster fire, but it's difficult to pinpoint. I felt the performances from our leads in particular Nicole Kidman were spectacular, and I know we can make jokes about Tom Cruise but honestly he handles the material with enough charm and understanding of drama to pull off a very good performance. The film's visuals are absurdly gorgeous, with colors so bright they practically glow, the camera glides and sways through the scenes, the film has a surreal dream like quality that can dip into sheer nightmare fuel when it wants to. I'm honestly and truthfully concerned about my dreams tonight. So the visual style and cinematography get 10/10 from me, if not even higher! The music combines lovely jazz pieces, wonderful classical compositions, and a quite chilling theme heard throughout the film. There was just so much to appreciate and love, and it floors me that the final cut was shown to the studio just 4 days before Kubrick passed away due to a heart attack. The man was a visionary director, who took on projects from all genres and sources and made unforgettable cinema, and while Eyes Wide Shut may not be my absolute favorite (that distinction goes to A Clockwork Orange) it hits the number 2 spot easily. A beautiful and marvellous looking film that took risks to show a struggling relationship in it's own entirely unique way. It reminded me a lot of The Graduate and how it brings up that not every relationship can have a happy ending, and that love is one of the most complex of emotions and can't be fully described. That's why I have seen so few romance movies that I genuinely loved, because there is depth and, complex and muddled thoughts and emotions that go into such a thing. This may have been a very brief review but this is a film you simply have to experience because talking about it no matter how much in depth cannot replicate the effects. Rent it, buy it, steal a copy from your movie buff friend, I don't care how just go see it. Stanley Kubrick, my hat is off to you. 9/10, 4 stars, a must see movie for any movie fan!

In Retrospect: The Mummy (2017)

I told you I didn't forget!

I'm so thrilled we get another one of these, granted not until 2019 but it will be worth it. So obviously The Mummy did a good job with not only gaining the revenue to show these movies would work in the future, but also with building the universe in which classic monsters are reborn. And I still attribute it to Sofia Boutella, you can get any big name star like Tom Cruise in a movie but the movie is called The Mummy for a reason so the film rides on her performance and I'm still head over heels about her and yet I can still look at her performance and say, yes she did a great job and I hope it won't be the last we see of Ahmanet. When I heard they would take on a more action/adventure tone with the Universal Monsters, I was worried but the movie was still very entertaining. I liked the movie a lot, it had brief but decent action, wonderful atmosphere in some scenes and the horror aspects can still be felt, so I can't say it wasn't a good movie. Not a lot of people know about the classic monsters, but boy howdy have I seen them popping up lately. From costumes, to these beautiful decorations found in regular stores not even specifically Halloween stores, they're coming back and it makes me proud. If you asked a normal person on the street how many Mummy movies Universal made, they might say 4 or 5, five if they count the Boris Karloff original when they made at least 9. These movies can create a new generation of monster movie fans, to make people watch not only The Mummy, but The Wolf Man, The Bride Of Frankenstein, even Creature From The Black Lagoon. There was a reason I talked about the classics my first October, because I was a fan and more people should watch those movies. So I applaud The Mummy, I applaud Universal for bringing them back, and I'm excited for the future of a new world of gods and monsters.

The Mummy (2017)

Oh Sofia Boutella......

What is wrong with people? All I heard about this before I saw it was this movie sucked, it's garbage, nothing really nice about it, and it was awesome! Now I might be biased because I am a very big fan of the Universal Monsters. I thought this movie was great! The action was decent, the comedy was hit or miss but nothing to ruin the movie, the horror aspect was quite good although I must admit it fell into the trope of jump scares, and even the cast ranged from not bad to holy hell can I marry you! Tom Cruise was fine, he did the job and he did it well so no complaints there, Russel Crowe as Dr. Jekell was an interesting choice but I would be lying if I said it was bad, Annabelle Wallis's character was just bland so I don't blame the actress I blame the character for not doing much to get me invested in her. And then there is Sofia. Oh God Sofia.....wow. Like dude, wow. You wanna talk great? You wanna talk awesome? You wanna talk sympathetic, creepy, terrifying, and a touch sexy? Bam, Sofia Boutella in The Mummy! Perfect! Love, love, love her in this movie! You are my golden girl now Sofia! Huh, what's that? This is supposed to be a review, so talk about the movie? Well fine then! The story was a great twist on the usual Mummy lore, with a princess destined to be the next pharaoh of Egypt until the pharaoh has a son and denies her of her throne, so she kinda....snapped and killed the pharaoh and the baby (kinda dark), and she even makes a pact with the Egyptian equivalent of Satan! Nice. But she gets captured, buried alive, and her tomb is not discovered for over 3000 years. So Tom Cruise wakes her up, thank you very much Mr. Cruise, she decides to wreck shit and be you know awesome and she even takes a certain fancy to Tom's character, damn you Mr. Cruise. But Russel Crowe has this kinda sorta secret league where they hunt monsters, and they try to take her down. So that's basic plot, and I found myself very interested cause I want this to work so bad. I need a cinematic universe of Universal Monsters! The monsters are back after 86 years. High time for a comeback! Go see this movie, if for no other reason than for me. You people can have your superhero movies always, but who has got the love for the monsters? I certainly do. So of course I highly recommend to see this movie in theaters, go watch it, be introduced to a new world of gods and monsters. And see if you can pick out those easter eggs in the glass jars! I have faith in you. Until next week.....