The Cat Returns

Well...Jesus! Alright, let's go! Potential spoilers ahead all ye who enter here.




What in the nine circles of hell have I just witnessed? This movie is so goddamn weird man, it is bonkers!! Consider me flabbergasted, I can't speak right now. Like you would think, after alllll this time, with all the weird shit I have seen in my life, this movie would be next door to a normal day but I can scarcely find the words to describe it. So bear with me here as I attempt to recap this wacked out plot. Okay, so we meet a young girl named Haru who one day after school rescues a cat from being ran over in the street (my hero, rock on), said cat then starts talking and pretty soon Haru starts recieving gifts cause turns out the cat she saved is the prince of a cat kingdom. But that's not the strange part. She later is informed of a cat bureau where she meets a giant tubby white cat named Muta, a statue that turns into a crow named Toto, and a not cat but an actual figurine of a cat with top hat and tails and a cane named Baron Humbert von Gikkiken. But that's not the strange part. Haru is then kidnapped by a herd of cats who can GO THROUGH PORTALS, and is spirited away to the cat kingdom to be wed to the prince. But that's not the strange part! It's all the shit that happens after she gets to the castle. She starts turning into a cat herself, Muta seemingly dies from overeating, several cats are hurled out of the tower window, and then a rescue is underway with the Baron leading the charge to get Haru back to the human world. I swear to Christ, it's like if you took the plot of Labyrinth, injected so much mental ass imagination straight from Japan in it's arm, threw in a Hollywood studded cast, shoved it head first into a Ninja blender, flipped that puree switch and boom. You got yourself the most batshit Studio Ghibli movie I have ever seen in my life and already their resume is pretty out there! I cannot get over it, now do not get me wrong this is like high flying entertainment on crack, I can't bitch about one single thing, but I'm still trying to catch my breath along with my ballistically spread fired braincells, to try to review it but I'm not sure I can. It's great. But logic is not in the repertoire here for a split second, you just gotta roll with it, you can't question it. Don't question it, and you'll be fine. What's odder is I know this cast very well even, but for the life of me I couldn't recognize their voices. Anne Hathaway is Haru and she is hilarious with how almost deadpan and blunt her line deliveries are, she's wonderful in this role. Friggin' Cary Elwes as the Baron, do I need to say anything else? It's Cary Elwes, that charismatic handsome bastard could have me in a sentence. Peter Boyle as Muta, could not place the voice for the life of me but my God is he great in this, giving such bravado as this tough guy cat but just kills me throughout as comic relief. It took until like 3/4 of the way through the movie for me to recognize that was Tim Curry as the Cat King, I don't know how don't ask me how, yet with that man in any role it's guaranteed gold! I was laughing uproariously at parts, to the point where I had to stop the movie just to catch my breath, my mind couldn't handle the barrage assault of comedy given at points where it was just hit after hit. I'm probably gonna get noise complaints but screw it, they can suck on coxen, this was such a ride man. Apparently this is a semi-sequel to Whispers Of The Heart also by Studio Ghibli, I had no clue about that, and if I'm not horribly mistaken this movie came out after Spirited Away so we're still on that cutting edge new millenium animation style. I thought it looked fantastic with so much intricate layers of animation on the busy streets, with such crisp bright colors, it looks outstanding. You could lie straight to my face and be like oh yeah this movie came out 4 years ago, and I'd believe you! I'm speechless and floundering for words, so I'm sorry if this review is just all over the place, you just gotta see it my bros. You just have to. I can't fathom even a rating beyond 4 stars, so let's just say a solid 8/10! I'm gonna have to take some thorazine and have a nap so I can calm down. I'll see you tomorrow for a more recent exhibit from this studio.

In Retrospect: Halloween Kills

This I think is the in retrospect most sorely deserved.

Because I kinda had a love/hate thing going on with Halloween Kills, I thought the story needed to focus it's attention more, I thought there was a ton of fan stuff thrown in for no good reason, and like most sequels didn't reach the same heights as the previous installment. On second viewing, a lot of that has been mended for me and I better understand the point of the movie. After all this is the middle chapter of a trilogy, it would be kind of redundant to see Laurie go toe to toe with Michael and come up short yet again so I completely understand why the filmmakers did what they did. I mean really think about this, Haddonfield has been the setting for the majority of these movies but you never really get a firm grasp on what the town's mentality is around Halloween, how do the residents feel when Michael has struck again, we genuinely don't know much about this famous fictional town and this movie if nothing else gives the setting some depth. You see more of the neighborhoods, you see a ton of people both survivors of past attacks and people who just live there. I very much complained the movie went on tangents with all these different folks and didn't give any time to the Strode family, now I think that was entirely the point. And I was foolish to think that because this series has spent a fair bit of runtime on side characters who just end up dying later on, hello Tina, hello John's friends from 20 Years Later, and so on. Slasher movies do that. It wasn't even because it was boring or badly acted, it isn't and I know a fair few people gave this movie good grief and I even agreed with them until I watched it again. Many people pointed to how does everyone mistake the other escaped patient from the last movie for Michael? I firmly agreed with them until they show two photos on TV in the bar, umbrella guy and Michael, they do not make any distinction as to who is who and when an angry, illogical, irrational lynch mob forms with the resounding chant of "evil dies tonight" starts jumping at shadows and chasing the wrong guy it's easy to see where such an audience reaction would come about. And there is no doubt some big message in that scene where something along the lines of, a hateful, irrational, and quickly growing mob will chase anyone and anything even if they are told it is wrong and through their blind anger and witch hunting, innocent lives will be lost. Okay, I get it. Humans are bastards and idiotic bastards at that. Fear is an insurmountably potent weapon. I know. Really that was the only thing that did not improve on second viewing, I still hated it just as much as I did the first go around. Everything else, I'm down for. Production was good though made on a relatively small budget of 20 million, music was still excellent throughout, the cast God bless them for coming back even if just to be a corpse so well done to every single one of them, the kills are still just as disturbing and gruelling as I remembered I mean this guy when he kills people is a hateful motherf***er and it is wonderful, the story worked better mostly and even though I watched the extended cut with the different ending I didn't notice that much new stuff and I dare say I like the alternate ending better. It's decent, it's not a dumpster fire, it's not a modern horror classic, it's good. I bump it up to 3 stars, 7.5/10, and we will see how it ends this October. If it somehow gets bloodier, I shall approve.

Halloween Kills

You know, I might need to see it again.

Not at all that I thought it was bad, I had a grand time with it but I certainly have notes that will take multiple viewings to solidify my opinion on things. So basic plot, we pick up right after the first movie as Michael survives the fire and starts making a trek to the OG Myers house as Laurie and her family deal with the fallout while an angry mob forms as is common in horror films with the sole purpose of killing evil. And I really have so many things to commend the movie on. It takes the time to deal with the fallout of the first film, the deaths of side characters, the mental and physical scars of the Strode family, how they are trying to deal with seemingly winning and yet learning Michael lives. And this movie shockingly doesn't focus on Jamie much, this is way more the film for Judy and Andi they are the main stars here and still perform incredibly well. But booooy does this movie bring back a lot of characters, and we are not talking just the 2018 film here, I literally was just missing a Danielle Harris cameo and it would have been complete, it is fan wank to the max in this film. Something I am not fully onboard here is this movie goes on tangents, it's like they try to give every side character their own setup, characterization, and multiple scenes, that's all fine and well but we spend a bit too much time on them and not the Strode family or Michael, now if the intention was to focus more on the town of Haddonfield in the wake of Michael's return, fine. Not really what I was expecting or even really wanting, but it's interesting stuff with this bloodthirsty mob willing to go apeshit on anything if someone says it's Michael. Yeah, there is a lot of stuff to unpack there, subtext pushing so hard into text territory, metaphors, allegory, bit f***ing obvious stuff mind you but brownie points for commiting I guess. Plus side though, the kills are spectacular with a lot of practical implements that just gross you out man like daaaamn! I was severely impressed with the work here. Soundtrack is still real good, production is good, cast does great, it's genuinely an okay movie, I don't like it as much as the previous entry but time could change that, and it was far from sucking. It's good decent stuff, 2.5 stars, 7.5/10. More modern horror next week, and sweet lord Dune is nearly here and I got a lot to read still. Give me strength. Until next week!

In Retrospect: Halloween (2018)

Like man I have no idea now how to squeeze in all 4 Halloween movies on October 31st.

Now you might say well just dump Halloween 2 and stick to the original, this one, and Season Of The Witch and that makes sense. In terms of production, acting, and overall quality this Halloween movie runs circles around Halloween 2, no nonsense sibling justification, no drugged out Laurie who doesn't do really anything, and I gotta say the soundtrack for Halloween 2 besides the main theme sucks, this music that John Carpenter created is made for the piano and not synthisizers it sounds like absolute ass. But it had Donald Pleasance, memorable kills, a nice atmosphere, Dick Warlock is awesome, and a setting that is not usually taken in the horror genre so it has good points but come on. It's shall we say outclassed now that we have this movie, with incredibly likeable and even if they're not likeable you can understand them characters, and the production is very well done and takes advantage of various locations. They got a ready and able Laurie Strode to kick ass but has deeper character than that, and her family relationship is what really impressed me. Her daughter is estranged and distrusting of Laurie but she has a strong love and understanding in her grandaughter who really quickly comes into her own as a enjoyable and relatable girl, Andi Matichak really stole the show for me when she was on screen! But what's a Halloween movie without Michael Myers, besides being underrated and actually pretty good? And they did goooood with Michael, he may be up there in his years but the guy is still a juggernaut and still holds fear in many people's hearts. One point I severely screwed up with was the complete lack of praise for the score, like how the french toast did I forget that? The score is damn good, with John Carpenter back composing with his son and making some good tracks, hands down the best being The Shape Hunts Allyson, it has that It Follows catchy but creepy vibe to it and this is how you do synthesizers right Halloween 2! It's just hit after hit in every department, I didn't even mind the humor in this one cause it never went too far and it wasn't really there, I think I can count on one hand how many times the movie actually wanted you to laugh. And thank God they got teenagers right again! No slutty cheerleaders, or geeky dudes, just kids who are good friends with each other. That is something we need to see more of! I honestly hope they leave it be after this, cause we got our ending you know, like maybe there was a possibility for another movie but I'm happy with it being the end. If this was the last Halloween movie for 10+ years, we went out on a mighty fine note I gotta say. So come next Halloween day, you got at least one double feature to cap the day off with perfectly. Though Season Of The Witch is a chilling way to really end the night.

So tomorrow, we got a new movie and somehow I missed this in theaters so join me for Bad Times At The El Royale.

Halloween (2018)

Now there's only one question: Did this film succeed as the new Halloween II?

I have ever so slight gripes about this movie, personally for my first Halloween film in theaters, it was really good. Not an outstanding film, but a very good if not great movie. It pretty much did what I thought it was gonna do, show some events prior to Michael escaping, set up some very likable and good characters, drop the hammer, let the bodies hit the floor, cap off the series, and throw in some easter eggs for the fans. And it did all that great. I only have two issues with the movie but one was impossible not to change, they half retconned the ending of Halloween so instead of Loomis not finding his body they add in some side cop who they claimed stopped Loomis from finishing off Michael and taking him into custody. Fine, that had to have been done because Halloween 2 ended things pretty definitively, so did this movie do a better job at ending it than Halloween 2? Kind...of? I guess it depends on your point of view of the ending. I still sense there may be something more after this. So story and characters are done well, some people could have gripes with more trivial matters, like for me we actually hear Michael breathe ragged and make sounds when he is injured and I just didn't like that. Little things like that, but the pros outway the cons. It's great seeing Jamie Lee Curtis back, she has outstanding chemistry with Andi Matichak who plays her grandaughter, and she legitimately puts up a fight. I think fans will appreciate and enjoy the movie, I know I did. Several nods to mainly the first and second movie, it wasn't distracting because it happens more at the beginning and as the plot wheels gain momentum you're invested in the story. And it does have moments of comedy but I laugh sometimes when I'm nervous, and there is a lot of suspense in this movie. Though, and I somehow forgot to bring this up in the last movie, but if I took a shot for every false scare or jumpscare I would have had to been dragged out of that theater. Like seriously, it gets old quick in both movies but when shit happens you feel that fear. I have absolutely no doubt I will see it again on Halloween night to cap off the year's festivities. Go see it if you haven't already, you only need to contend with one, maybe two movies before it and one of them is a shining example of greatness in the horror genre, so you got nothing to lose. Thankfully ending on a high note after that patchy middle of the week, so I'm a happy camper, and I will see you next week for some more classic and loved horror movies.