Sunday, April 1, 2018

In Retrospect: The Last Jedi

Well they finally did it. They killed my fraking movie series.

The Last Jedi has ruined Star Wars forever. Worst movie like, ever!! How dare Rian Johnson make a Star Wars movie that didn't go exactly the way my fan theories and fan fiction went! Every single layer of this film has forever tainted Star Wars not unlike the glorious prequels! Like all those plot threads that didn't turn out the way I wanted, even though they have great potential for payoff in the next movie, like Rey's past or the killing of the Supreme Leader. And don't even get me started on the characters! You're telling me after 30 years of God knows what after Return Of The Jedi, Luke Skywalker has just walked away from everything including the Force, even though several terrible events besides the corruption of his nephew could have happened and made him actually take the religion of the Jedi into question and denouncement?? I'm sorry, he's just not my Luke Skywalker. And Leia flying through space like she's Mary Poppins? What were they smoking? Even though she could have learned and undertook years of Jedi training from Luke before returning to politics and giving birth to Ben. Pfft, 0/10! Rian Johnson has ruined my childhood and my favorite movie series!!! Ughhhh and Rose is seriously the worstest thing evar! The stupidest and most annoying character since Jar Jar Binks, despite she was given decent character development and insight during that relatively short Canto Bight scene that took up maybe 10 minutes but I hate it regardless because it took up waaaaaay too much time from the movie! God it felt like half the movie man!! This movie totally blows and Disney has killed and whored out Star Wars thanks to Kathleen Kennedy, one of the most prolific and successful producers on movies like, E.T., Back To The Future, Schindler's List, and Who Framed Roger Rabbit! What a hack!! I could have made this movie better even though I have absolutely no idea on even the first step of making a movie! And even though despite the movie taking bold risks, having good character development, kick ass action, gorgeous cinematography, and a surprisingly good story that has yet to be fully told I hate this movie! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!! George Lucas should come back and do a special edition of this movie and fix everything while shoving more CGI into every frame! This is the worst Star Wars movie since The Empire Strikes Back because it was soooo boring! There wasn't nearly enough lightsabers in that movie to make it cool! I am so done with this series, it's like not even real bro. I refuse to watch Episode 9 despite it telling a story that can make this movie great! 0/10 stars, booooo! You suck Star Wars!!

Seriously though, relax. It's fine.

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