Blade II

Yep this is the best one, we're done here.

Story time! When I was a young bean a bit before my teen years I saw Blade 2 many times, and I never saw the first one so this was my introduction to the character and the world. My God, what a great entry to be introduced to. So big shock, we get nothing but improvements in the sequel being an unlikely but entirely superior sequel which is already a rare category, as we pick up awhiles after the first film with Blade in Russia working in tandem with the vampiric council (insert What We Do In The Shadows joke here) trying to stop a new vampiric strain that targets both humans and vampires. Great, taking a basic premise and expanding upon it with new ideas and better production, good times be here. You may be a bit surprised Guillermo del Toro directed this, before Hellboy and even Pan's Labyrinth, bringing his visual style of direction in full force, I mean it's almost night and day the style between the first and second film. With a lot more camera movement, lots of great wirework, super slick at times editing where even I had to rewind to fully appreciate it, and visual effects that you don't forget. I think they knew exactly what to give in this movie, they double down on the action cause that's what people want to see, they want to see vampires get dead and this movie by God delivers, while still keeping a good pace and letting the story have it's moments too. I think Wesley is on top form, greatly outdoing himself in the previous movie and being more badass than before. I must give hardcore props to Luke Goss who plays our main villain, I can't fully put my finger on it but I feel he's just a compelling and even slightly tragic villain with his own motives that don't revolve around Blade all the time, he knocks it out of the park for me. Leonor Varela on the other hand, I...can't tell if she just can't give a good line delivery or if her character is supposed to be more on the monotone side. You know we don't bad talk actors, I don't like doing it, but man did her performance fall so flat for me. Another extra special guest appearance we get Ron Perlman, and Norman Reedus which is wild to see him before he became a household name in recent years. Some people give good grief that Ron Perlman plays a complete f***face but I attribute it to his acting talent but I am firmly in the camp of seeing him as a goodie and not a baddie. So cast 9 times out of 10 is solid. The effects got a lot better, it does have moments where you're like, "Whew boy that looks like a PS2 game." and it is rough but that is a rare thing, most other times it is pretty dang good and holds up I think excellently. The soundtrack isn't as bumping though, but a few of the rap tracks got me so no foul there. Yeah, it's a very solid entertaining film and I don't think it's gonna be outdone, they play their cards as good as they can and I really don't got much to complain about. 4 stars, 7.5/10, this is the one to see for sure and God I was hoping I could avoid him. Alright Ryan, come on in you fffffff- friendly guy.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Man I feel like an asshole for waiting over 10 years to see this movie.

No really, Hellboy 2 is a sequel that may not surpass the original but is done just as great with tons to love and enjoy. So we pick up a few years after the first, the big red lug and Liz are a couple, Abe is still the same old Abe, and the world actually comes in contact with Hellboy. No out of focus photos, or rumors, I mean eye to eye on camera for all to see. I greatly like that the movie expands on the first mobie and does new things, like any true sequel should and the stuff they do warrants more love and attention for this movie. The fact that we get more fantasy influence in this, with elves, trolls, goblins, and even stone giants like in The Hobbit, even our main villain looks like King Thranduil, brings a lot to the table! You see more creature effects, new environments, interesting lore, I mean del Toro does it again and brings his stamp of quality on all aspects of production. Sets are well constructed and detailed, practical effects are commonplace with computer graphics used when necessary, a very good story made almost exclusively for the movie with no comic book history. The big reason I had an absolute blast with this movie is not only is the comedy more pronounced, you know with the first one it was a fairly serious story with bits of comic relief but with this one while still telling a very good story and knows when to be serious has a lot of laughs. There's a scene where Hellboy and Abe get drunk on beer and sing a love ballad, and it is utterly fantastic. It sounds ridiculous but when you watch the movie you're really gonna enjoy it. I love how they progress the characters, Hellboy is much of the same but is maintaining a relationship with Liz and gets some news before all is said and done, Abe is still the best part of both movies and I love him to death and even gets a girlfriend which is you know wonderful, Liz gets more character and time devoted to her, we even get this weird class 3 full roaming vapor in a steampunk robot suit with a german accent and you know what, I rolled with it pretty quick! I mean once you see as much as I have seen, you grow accepting of things no matter how ludicrous they are. So yeah solid sequel, fun abound for all, great quality in production and acting, and it's such a shame this movie came out one week before The Dark Knight. Yes, I'm serious. If Dark Knight was pushed back even 2 weeks, we'd probably have Hellboy 3 today. And boy howdy, is this new one going to have to impress me. Granted I'll keep an open mind but when Hellboy looks and kinda acts like that dweeby bounty hunter in Ready Player One I'm not holding high expectations. But dear lord, I've been proven wrong tons before on this show and it won't stop anytime soon so see you Friday.

Hellboy

Yeah, now we're talking.

Not gonna lie, I digged this movie even back in 2004, I was 9 years old and loved this movie and honestly it's as good as I remember it! It's a passion project by del Toro of a comic book not many people knew of but it worked and I really enjoyed it. It starts off pretty good with voiceover from John Hurt as we see some weird natzi science/occult experiment led by Rasputin of Anastasia fame, Ilsa she wolf of the SS, and a character with such a sleek design you almost don't care he's a nazi officer, being interrupted by american forces. Apparently the hotsie totsie nazis were trying to pull a Great Old One or perhaps an Eldar God from a dimension to conquer Earth, and somehow a little baby Hellboy was brought into this world, how I really don't know but whatever we got our movie now. Flash forward a good 60 years and Hellboy along with John Hurt and good ol' Doug Jones in Shape Of Water makeup once more, have themselves a defense force tasked to deal with monsters and retrieve occult items, and pretty soon Rasputin is on the move again ready to bring another Lovecraftian horror into the world so it's time to save the world again. First off, Ron Perlman is Hellboy those are some big shoes to fill, so we shall see Friday if they have. But he does it so well! He looks the part, talks the part, can kick ass and joke, pretty much perfection. John Hurt is awesome as always, and brings some heart to the movie. Doug Jones is excellent, makeup or not and can be really funny and has good brief moments that have a heavier atmosphere to it. That's what I really love about this movie, it can tell a story and have some heavy moments but it has a sense of humor and can give good comedy. It's very accesible almost to the point where I wonder why we have this fish out of water character Myers, because Hellboy and Abe Sapien aren't super weird or hard to read. I could follow everything they did and not be confused, so why do we need a newcomer to introduce everything? Besides to avoid prequel syndrome? I don't know. He's not really that integral and kinda boring, it's like one of two things I actually don't like in this movie. I also greatly love and appreciate the use of practical effects, they only use cgi if it's necessary, great makeup, excellent monster costumes, the sets are good sized and detailed, they do everything right! It's a solid, very enjoyable, awesome movie. I was genuinely surprised how well it held up over literally 15 years. Jeezus I am old. And next time we will look at the sequel that I have never seen despite my love for the first. Why? Beats me man, but I'm interested to see what's next!

In Retrospect: The Shape Of Water

It just got better.

Oh The Shape Of Water, what a strange yet charming movie you are. I love it still and was so proud to hear it won Best Picture (calling the winner yet again), because well this is a prime example of the medium we know as film. Now what do I mean by that? *BRIEF TANGENT ALERT* I never understood documentary films or films potraying real true stories. It is made more for television in my opinion, I mean how many times do you see a documentary on an event or a person on television? All the time is the correct answer. So what makes it so special that people make films out of this? To put it blunt, real life stories rarely make for compelling cinema. Movies are for the fantastical, where imagination and creativity run wild, it is for spectacles and emotional climaxes! What would you rather see, Zero Dark Thirty or Star Wars? Public Enemies or Inception? You (hopefully) can see my point. The Shape Of Water encompasses all of these incredible elements and more. It is in the real world but with elements of the fantastic and romance to an unlikely love interest, kinda like Beauty And The Beast, normal world set at a time period and yet has magical elements and an unconventional romance and people fell in love with that movie, and still treasure it until this day. The Shape Of Water is as much a visual film as anything, I'm pretty sure even if you removed the sound and color it would make a gorgeous silent film. There is imagination in the design of the creature, there is creativity in the story, there is a spectacle that is a bit silly but it appeals to your heart and not your mind, and it has a lovely and dare I say perfect emotional climax and ending. Sally Hawkins is sheer perfection in it's finest form, that's all I can say about her without gushing for the next 400 pages. Doug Jones does incredible work in the suit and can potray a wide variety of emotions without saying anything. Michael Shannon is a intense and let's be frank, a bit of an asshole villain but I'll be damned if I said he doesn't do well as a villain. Every actor has all strength and no weakness to my eyes. The mosy bad thing I can say about this movie is, maybe the russians were needless to the plot? They don't do much, they pose no threat, so why are they here again other to enforce it's the 50s? That's about it. Oh, and why did they kill the cat? Answer me Mr. Del Toro. Was it really necessary to still establish this creature was dangerous after ripping Michael Shannon's fingers off? I kinda got the point that yeah, he's innocent but still dangerous. That screwed with me a bit, don't do that. And that's nitpicking! Beyond that, I got nothing. Go see the movie, buy it, rent it, it is well worth your time and money! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to fawn over Sally Hawkins for another 2 hours.

Pacific Rim

Oh boy did I call this one all those years ago.

Pacific Rim....has issues. I know, blasphemy! You're saying, "But Dude, it's a movie where giant mechs punch kaiju! How could you of all people not love it??". Well I'm glad you asked person in my head, and I'll tell you. It's not so much the concept, it's fine but more the details of the world. Time for backstory! In 2007, several kaiju have appeared from a dimensional rift in the pacific rim and have cause countless death and destruction, in response the government creates an army of war mechs to battle the monsters for years and years to come. Flash forward about 5 years where we meet one of the pilots returning to the field after the death of his brother to fight the kaiju once again! That is a synopsis, but as I said the devil is in the details. Now the minute I saw you needed two people to practically be synchronized fighters to pilot this mech, I had several questions and found it to be utterly stupid. I was correct, and I got not so great answers. So why does there need to be 2 pilots? Well the strain of piloting a war mech apparently is in the vein of Neon Genesis Evangelion because a single pilot can be overstrained and die due to mental breakdown and exhaustion. Yes, their brains turn to soup if they pilot a robot alone. Okay. So how do the pilots sync up to perform a single action? Mind meld. I....Jesus H. Christ on the bloody cross. This is the detail that breaks the movie's back! It's not like in Power Rangers where 5 people control all the limbs which made sense, they needed to communicate to coordinate attacks. There is so much bullshit to this system I need to rant, so get ready. It's gonna be loooong. This is so stupid I cannot believe it. You need 2 people to pilot a war mech, because one person cannot take the mental strain....? It looks purely physical, I don't think you need much brain capacity to pilot such a machine. Just as long as you know how to fight and know the controls, you're good! But no! You need 2 pilots to sync the same movements to pilot this thing! What?! The robots can't even kick! They are essentialy rock em' - sock em' robots, because all they can do is punch or shoot! And then there is the mind meld thing! You need two people, mainly siblings to pilot this thing because they need to have a "connection" through memories and experiences. So you can't even get a regular kind of anybody to pilot these things because they need to have shared memories and experiences. I am facepalming, and it hurts! So if say one of them died, well tough cookies we gotta get someone else! The slightest bit of thought and the movie comes crashing down like a skyscraper. Oh and this killed me! So our main character meets this girl and they talk and blah, blah, blah (we'll get to the characters in a minute!) and he asks her to spar with him. So they spar and he proclaims and shouts from the mountaintops that they have a connection so she should be his co-pilot. Hwhat?? You have known each other for maybe 5 days if I was being generous, and you have this "connection" enough to work with? This isn't like in Star Wars, where Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade have known each other for years and connected through the Force so much that they knew each other completely, and can fight incredibly without even uttering a word to one another! No! You do not get to do that movie! No!! Oh my God this movie sucks. It's terrible. Oh and now we gotta do the characters! So we got our main character Raleigh, he lost his brother. That's it. That's his character, he pilots a mech and lost his brother. Next! We have his co-pilot and kinda love interest Mako, who I swear is the only good character because she has an arc! She was a little girl who lost her family, her home, and everything she knew so she wants justice or revenge on all kaiju for taking her life away. That's a good character! She doesn't go full Ahab, but she has the passion and drive to fight these creatures. Oh but I'm sorry, Idris Elba holds her back. Why? I don't know! Cause Mako is all like, "Daddy can I go outside and play monsters with the boys?" and Idris Elba is all, "No my child, you must stay inside and learn self control or some bullcrap even though you are perfectly capable of kicking ass." and that's his character! Just some hard ass stand in for either a police commisioner or an army sergeant who yells at our hero. Idris Elba, no! You're better! Oh God, there's more. Their system is so flawed.....okay, so turns out if you have any kind of trauma or PTSD like our two leads have, it can have catastrophic consequences because they freak out and the robot thusly freaks out. Brilliant. There's more horrible one dimensional characters but I honestly don't feel like talking about them. I have a headache and I need alcohol and pills. Even the kaiju aren't cool! They all look the same! How do you do that?? The robots look cool, I guess but it makes me long for the Megazord or some of the later Mechagodzillas you see in the Heisei and the Millenium series. I guess giant robot movies are dead. They can't make a good one. Transformers butchered it, and now Pacific Rim is putting nails in the coffin. I would rather watch Transmorphers, at least that had Bruce Boxleitner! Oh damn it, now I gotta review the second one. John Boyega save me!!!

The Shape Of Water

One more before the end.

I almost waited a damn month to see this movie! I set on my calendar, December 7th The Shape Of Water. Movie didn't even hit here until the 22nd. Just got out from seeing it today, so geez was the wait worth it? Actually yeah! This is a very, very good movie with it's own unique visual style set in 1962 where a cleaning woman name Elisa works at a government base where basically they bring Abe Sapien in from Hellboy (who is literally played by the same guy) and they kindle a strong bond together. What follows is a jailbreak, a power struggle over a creature's life, and the strangest and yet very heartfelt romance I've ever seen. The romance does work, believe it or not. You wouldn't think a mute woman and the creature from the black lagoon would make an endearing couple but they do. And now comes the part, where I bow down on my hands and knees and shower endless praise for Sally Hawkins. Oh my God. Now I said this about 3 years back when I watched Legendary's Godzilla, "Mother of mercy that woman is absolutely beautiful.". And now this film has cemented the fact that Sally Hawkins is one of the most gorgeous women, if not the most gorgeous woman on the planet. This film was legit made for her, if she didn't take the main lead, the movie would never have been made. And she has the most powerful performance and not even spoke a line, that takes ridiculous talent and she sells this movie down to the last detail. Doug Jones also does very well, and the creature effects look incredible. Like, I really think he is there. It's not full CGI, he is actually there. Wow. And again, not a single line spoken and yet says so much. All the supporting cast help flesh out the movie, Octavia is a wonderful supporting member and made me smile a lot, Richard Jenkins and his relationship with Elisa is a highlight of the movie, and of course we have Michael Shannon. He is a dick in this movie! Like with every major player, you get why they are the way they are, but not Michael Shannon. Still intense as ever, and just a highly unlikeable and despicable human being. So that really helps us love our protagonists better, and it goes without saying this is an emotional film. Logic left far before the movie began, there is a scene....and it is so corny. But, there's a reason to it all, it has a (somewhat) logical progression to it. Doesn't change the fact it is totally ridiculous and kinda makes you go WTF, but it is based on human emotion alone. I have to say though when it began, I was awestruck, it really hit hard and I was stunned and amazed but then it went off the deep end. This was a weird movie. And I want you to think about that for a second. In over 300 reviews, with all the weird stuff I watch and love with reckless abandon, and I say this movie is weird? Damn. But, it's still a great movie and I am so happy I finally got to watch it. It didn't disappoint, I will no doubt buy it when it hits video, and if you are in a weird part of your brain and desperately need something off the wall and bizzare, look absolutely no further. Dive in head first, and let the emotions wash over you.