Oppenheimer

I'm honestly not sure if I made the right decision.

Between this and Barbie....maybe I should have seen Barbie first. I just don't know what to write beyond go see it. There's just no other word to sum up my being, my thinking mind, my stance in this world except dissociating which is ironic because the term used in chemistry is the process of splitting things into atoms, quite appropriate for this piece of history. I don't think I truly have it in me to really go into the subject material of this film, it's too big, it's too heavy, I certainly am not the same after viewing it. So let's talk film technicals. For a 3 hour movie it moves at a very quick pace and doesn't tell the story in so much chronological order as Christopher Nolan often does in his pictures, splitting the narrative between the process of creating the most terrifying weapon ever conceived and a courtroom drama dealing with the tangled web of events and persons surrounding J. Robert Oppenheimer. It will take a brief moment to get used to the unique style, hopping between narratives and even color/black & white, but I feel it was handled excellently. The editing is nothing short of surgical in how cold and precise it is which sets up a tense atmosphere pretty much start to finish. There is brief moments of levity but it couldn't be more of a hard drama if it tried. Of course my love of Cillian Murphy gets him high praise and that man certainly nails down the thousand yard stare. Pretty star studded cast from major to minor players and there are indeed a good many names and actors but they definitely did fine work. Cinematography in such wide expanses to just a mere closeup looked outstanding. Sound design, mounting tension further to almost the point of anxiety. Visual effects, fascinating with a good dose of metaphor and mortifying in the best way possible. I hate to brush in the broadest of strokes but there is zero damn way to watch this movie vicariously. I'm not even slightly daunted discussing the political, ethical, and moral subjects presented but I just feel kinda numb after seeing it. The theater I went to, though sadly not in IMAX, the sound system rattled my bones, the movie made me jump, it made my heart pound in my chest, gripping the arm rests without realizing I was doing so, my hand covering my mouth in sheer horror, when I walked out the door of the theater I heard nothing no voices no noises while surrounded by a crowd just for a moment. This is not hyperbole, this is not an empassioned statement, it is the truth of the matter. The world looks more fragile than ever before and it could burn, turn into dust and rocks, before it's time. And if you walk out still believing and accepting of the continuing existence of war or nuclear weaponry, there is nothing I or anybody on the face of this Earth can do for you. Because you have no concept, nor knowledge, nor understanding of the grim meathook realities such forces possess. The blinding light, the deafening sound, the snow like fallout, nothing should cause more fear. And the story it tells and the discussions it creates make this film well worth multiple viewings I assure you. It's still difficult to compile and articulate myself but I suppose a final score is needed, 9/10 for me. It has potential to go higher and I do promise now we will talk about this again later down the road. I just dreadfully hope this won't impede or affect my viewing pleasure of Barbie, because I know a lot of people are going to want to see it, but I think my constant wardrobe of all black will never be more fitting.

Avengers: Endgame

I'm done. Goodbye. The end.

Great job converting me to a Marvel fan, you know for one of the longest godforsaken running film series in history, it didn't do much for me. Now does that necessarily mean Endgame is a bad movie? No, I wouldn't say that but considering this is the last MCU movie I might ever review it didn't exactly leave me wowed. To be honest after my viewing of this movie, my idea about calling this one Infinity War makes so much more goddamn sense than Endgame. The last movie should have been called that because it was about Thanos, his plan, his actions, his victory. And I have to say I kinda hated the direction this movie went in, not only did we introduce time travel which okay, is a comic book trope but it's done so much better in other movies, but we also pull a f***ing retcon too. Just, ugh. I'm just passively watching at this point, and it pisses me off because the tone in this movie was exactly what was needed in Infinity War. It's a very somber, slow paced, even kinda desperate movie with our defeated heroes going out on a thin limb to try to circumvent the events of Infinity War, but it was far too little far too late. And I think the first 20 minutes so did not help, now I will say the interactions and very brief relationship given between Tony and Nebula I thought was pretty great but it just sorta ends there. For a movie that's a bit over 3 hours long, we don't get a lot of character moments. Not really. When 90% of the characters that we have watched for a decade are nothing but glorified cameos in this movie, it loses a lot of impact. I think in the first 10 minutes of the movie Tony gets rescued by Captain Marvel, then by the 15 minute mark they know exactly where the farm is that Thanos is living at, and by the 20 minute mark they kill him. How the shit do you keep going? You avenged countless people, the movie's over. But no, we flash forward 5 years which I truthfully thought was going to be immediately the start of this movie, with kind of a World War Z documentary about what the Avengers have been doing, and how the world has slowly begun rebuilding itself after such a cataclysm but we only get such brief glimpses into such a fascinating world. Which sucks, I wanted to know how the world was operating. So they get the brilliant idea to time travel which of course they figure out and construct the time machine in like, a day. So the plan is to pull a Back To The Future 2, and collect all the Infinity Stones from the previous movies to the point I thought they were going to pull a Gamera and have lengthy amounts of stock footage but thankfully the space gods were kind and spared me that. And that was kinda the point I completely gave up on the MCU because my mind was trying to figure out in what way this would completely ass rape the entire continuity, but I quickly gave up because I still don't care enough even to deconstruct 10 years of storytelling. I'm just so flabbergasted how people just ate these movies up and went to every movie like sheep, when honestly the MCU is like 85% average movies, 10% actual good movies, and 5% f***ing garbage, and believe me I'll rank them tomorrow. I just...what do you want me to say? The final battle was hitting Prequel levels hard and fast, the character interactions were okay just like in almost every other Marvel film, if anything this movie might have ever so slightly made me appreciate Infinity War more though this is a superior film to it, but you killed my girl so I hope you rot for that. Buuut you made Hulk the real hero who saved the entire universe, oh sure Tony got the enemy killing snap, la-dee-flippin'-da, but Bruce was the one who saved everybody. Actually the more I think about it Hulk was my only favorite part of this, I never thought I would see the day where the mind of Bruce was in the body of the Hulk, I've wanted to see that for years never thinking it was possible but it actually happened, it was everything I hoped it would be and just further reinforces why Hulk is the best superhero Marvel has to offer ever. I'm honestly upset Thanos did not win, they had to go push the reset button in true comic fashion. And you know what? I would take the coin flip. Heads I win, tails you lose. Yes, I would deal with that if I won and I lost people. Christ, if it would be anything like the environment we have right now outside our window, less pollution, empty places, nature improving and growing in terms of plants and animals, and the ability to reshape the world as a better place, then sign me up, snap away big guy, I am here and I am waiting. Oh sweet merciful angels there was some manipulation in this, I kind of find it despicable that you give Tony Stark a daughter only to get the audience emotionally invested, it is so cheap and so emotionally manipulative to the point where the ending did precisely f*** all for me. And lest we not forget the total pandering scene. You know the one. Why? Why is it there? I thought the scene in Infinity War with Okoye, Scarlett Witch, and Black Widow throwing down with that whoever the shit her name was, was actually good I kinda liked seeing them tag team that villain. Here though, wow it was such pandering, ineffectual, egregious bullshit. I might not have seen anything in Captain Marvel, but here? They're f***ing doing it man. I'm so tired. You know, we started off I thought kind of strong, but the quality just ebbed and flowed so inconsistently. I do not recommend marathoning these movies, you will get burned out before you are even halfway there. I honestly never want to review a MCU movie again in the near future. I won't say I was disappointed but I was certainly confused as to the absurd popularity of these movies, if I was being on the level with you and I am, I would watch....6 out of 22 movies. Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Winter Soldier, Civil War, Doctor Strange, and Black Panther. That's it. And you know what pisses me off? Every single shitsucking studio is trying to replicate this series, with the often misplaced humor, big battles, and expansively linked universes. Just. Stop. You are polluting the airwaves with garbage!! Accept that Marvel got an idea that was lightning in a bottle and actually do something original with your movies. Even my beloved DC needs to cease and desist, and just focus on making good movies which is what they are doing. Screw the cinematic universe in it's fat stupid ass! I am done with it! I'm shutting it down!! Yes, I wanted the Dark Universe to succeed, yes I love the match ups in DC's movies, but you just need to stop trying to be a poser MCU. You can do better just by making a good movie. But they're not. And this is why I fundamentally hate the MCU, it changed everything and not for the better. To quote the ahem, best superhero movie ever made, "But we both know the truth, there's no going back. You've changed things...forever." and I'm just waiting for this fad to die a very horrible and very quick unceremonious death. I'm a reasonable guy but I have experienced some very unreasonable things. 2.5 stars, 6.5/10. Never again.

Avengers: Infinity War (Part 2)

Part twoooo, the reckoning.

But how does anybody outside of like Gamora and possibly Thor know what the Gauntlet is and what it does? Cause Bruce explains the whole importance of it and I'm just wondering how he knew. Actually tell you the truth, the Infinity Gauntlet doesn't make a lick of sense either. "The universe is finite, it's resources finite.", dude I saw you create a swarm of bats from an energy blast, you can do anything. Quadruple the resources! "Reality can be whatever I want.", okay so why do you need all 6 stones? And why does everything the Gauntlet do reverse when Thanos uses the Space Stone? Like when he turns Drax and Mantis into disproportionate shapes, after he leaves it all goes back to normal. Why? I doubt Thanos is the kinda guy who shows mercy on his enemies, so I guess you have to be right in front of the Infinity Gauntlet for it to have an effect, so the range sucks harder than an AT&T tower. We already know Thanos goes from planet to planet and wipes out half the population so what does the snap do? Reduce the half to a quarter? That's not very f***ing balanced at all now is it. Now if the Gauntlet was just this super mega ultra doomsday weapon then I could get behind it, but it's not. And for a movie called Infinity War, there wasn't much action beyond the Wakanda fight. I know it would have been impossible to surpass Return Of The King standards of action and war scenes, but give us something to go wow at. Infinity Battle would have been more appropriate, or hell just call it Avengers: The Infinity Gauntlet, then you name the next one Infinity War because I'm assuming the conflict in Endgame will dwarf this by a mile long. The more I think about this movie, the more I think less of it. The characters are fine, but that's because we've had all these movies beforehand to flesh them out and they remain constants, with little dynamic change to their personalities and overall characteristics which defies the purpose of putting them through these trials and tribulations. The action is serviceable but not worthy of the title of the movie as stated above. The story's pacing and tone needed considerable tweaking, the pacing was adequate but had too many strands to connect leading to a somewhat bloated story necessitating a longer runtime to better the progression and character moments, and the tone kind of just needed to go more serious and maybe a little deep to really hit home the final scene. And why was there an end credits scene? Did you really need that? Imagine if they did it this way: the snap, play out the scene as normal, content smile, darkness, and dead silence through almost the whole credits to let that sink in and have this disquieting silence fall over the audience, and no end credits scene. It would get people talking like mad as to what would happen next. But no. Gotta sell that next product, always have to advertise that next movie, couldn't just open Captain Marvel with that scene or just do Captain Marvel. Ugh, f*** me. The only saving grace was the villain, and while it is fun to quote Thanos, the words have purpose, and meaning, and most of all emotion to them that made them so memorable. Actually a quote that stuck with me for reasons unknown even to myself was when Thanos is about to reverse time to claim the soul stone, "Now is no time at all." it struck me as this metaphysical line where he could stop time with a motion of his hand and it could be kind of like that scene in Doctor Strange when the Ancient One and Strange are seeing time being dragged out making one moment last a lifetime, that this instant before having all the Infinity Stones is another time so distant it might as well be millenia ago. It's an odd one to be sure, but something about it kind of stuck with me. 2.5 stars, 6/10. Reality is often disappointing.

Avengers: Infinity War (Part 1)

I still don't get the fandom.

Infinity War was not bad by any stretch, there were several elements I greatly enjoyed, there was some stuff that made me quite aggrivated, but all in all it came down to being a good movie. Not a great movie or a perfect movie, nor a bad movie or cinematic trash. It's okay. And for those few who are still reading this, let's get going. I liked the story, it's a bit flawed and I would have done this differently, not much but just tweaks that would give the film more weight. So Thanos has finally entered the chat and is hunting down the Infinity Stones. Pause. I am not actually a fan of him literally grabbing these impossibly rare and extrememly powerful gems one right after the other in the span of a single day, I actually would have liked it if we slowly saw him get a stone every so few movies, to build that anticipation and intrigue as to what the final goal is and what the gauntlet does. Since there's 6 stones, I would have preferred if he got the last two in this movie, therefore creating more drama that, oh shit he's nearly got them all we gotta act fast or we're completely screwed. Resume. That's basically the plot, we're going gem hunting while the scattered forces of the Marvel heroes are desperately trying to form a defensive plan to take this guy out. That's fine, I think the movie severely lacks dramtic tension at times and if I'm being ruthlessly honest....kinda shoots itself in the foot. A lot. Case in point, Thanos snaps Loki's neck. Unfortunately I felt no resounding effect because I've seen the crafty bastard elude death more times than I can remember so why should this time be any more final? Steve and the renegade members of the Avengers get back into the story, but they kinda just pop out of nowhere to save Vision and Scarlett Witch when they never explain how they found them to begin with. They didn't track them, they couldn't track them, they pop up in a totally random place, I know it's just for that Cap reveal but sloppy writing is sloppy shitty writing. Which is odd because most of the weaving of all these different characters into a singular movie is quite honestly handled well, even if the pacing gets sidestepped because there's too damn many, but it's there to set up future stuff in the plot so whatever. Thanos has an entourage which immediately threw me right the f*** off because if there was ever a villain that did not need a sidekick, let alone 4 of them it would be Thanos. He even has this brown nosing little ponce who is also his hype man, I mean what in the actual shit is this? So much for that "I'll do it myself" if you send your Team Rocket lackeys to do the work for you, my God they were beyond pointless. Oh and Red Skull is here too and he has powers...now? How?? Why??? I don't know. But he's there. I was slightly shocked at the runtime, I assumed this was going to be the 3 hour finale but it came up 30 minutes short which I felt to be odd because this is the kind of movie that needs that amount of length, you could really set up this heavily foreboding atmosphere as each hero tries in their own way to prepare for the oncoming battle, to get more backstory to Thanos, to really sink in the seriousness of it all. But it just feels like the same old Marvel movies, there's nothing more to this movie than the others beside the ending. Now on one hand, I commend that. It lulls the audience into a false sense of security where the heroes will come out on top but then drops the anvil right on their heads in a very unexpected manner. Which is kinda what they did, but it doesn't have that serious, dramatic, finality punch to it that it so desperately needs. This should have been almost devoid of humor like if a person tried to make a joke it would either fall flat or be given the cold shoulder by other members of the group, with a lot more quiet intimate moments with our heroes where they face the possibility of dying and have to come to terms with it, and the tension and fear when Thanos is on screen should have been priority number one because we don't know anything about him. Sure comic fans know this guy backwards and forwards, and even knows the original reason why Thanos wanted the Infinity Gauntlet (spoiler alert he was a thirsty f***boi), but most audience members have no clue who he is. We've seen the briefest of appearances but essentially know precisely dick, and while the film does a very good job cementing his character, we kinda needed more or maybe I just wanted more. The film constantly kinda keeps breaking itself almost on a subconscious level, like with Doctor Strange. He has the time stone, he can manipulate time to an insane degree, and this is kinda where the movie falls apart, because even when Thanos has four out of six Infinity Stones, Strange could still reverse time maybe to oh I don't know, save Tony from getting stabbed, or to rewind time to stop Star Lord from literally f***ing over the entire universe (we'll get to him I promise), or to just pull the Dormammu trick again. Christ he even says the Time Stone is the best chance they have against Thanos! And he hands the thing over after Tony gets stabbed and begs to spare his life. Um....Doc, he doesn't have a hostage. He shanked Stark, he's dying, there is no bargain chip, hit the rewind button, do some trippy cosmic magic tricks, save him. Do you see the issue with the Time Stone? The heroes are kind of dumbasses in this movie, Strange was bad but Quill....this stupid motherf***ing shitlord. Okay, so the group has got Thanos, they are doing everything in their power to restrain him and get the gauntlet, and they are actually even surprisingly succeeding. Hurrah! Until Star Lord hears about Gamora and instead of waiting 10 seconds for them to get the gauntlet off and then pump him so full of goddamn holes it would give people trypophobia, he starts wailing on the guy which shock of all shocks, rapes the plan with a splintered broomstick and leads to devastating losses for the entire universe. Good job. Yes I'm blaming him. You know that whole 1 in 14,000,605 odds against them winning? Well if Peter pissed off for a minute, that 1 would have been the win. I'm just really not liking the Guardians at this point, Quill is a stupid asshole, Gamora is mostly bland and I could care less for her character even with her daddy issues, Rocket's schtick is dead to me, Groot is just there, pretty much Drax and Mantis are the only ones I really like. Even poor Josh Brolin who is doing damn amazing work in this role can't fully salvage the movie, which is a shame because he is singlehandedly the best part of the entire movie. You see the machinations in his mind, you see and feel that this terrible thing he is trying to do feels justified and even logical in his eyes, his performance is the best performance in Marvel not just on an acting standpoint but a character standpoint. People have made videos on this guy for years now and for good reason, he's a fascinating character study to undertake. Josh Brolin is great, harboring on perfect. I personally actually like how he defeats the Hulk, you'd think I would hate it because my boy just got his ass handed to him, but it shows Thanos cannot be subdued by a brawl and that he knows how to fight, meaning you have to find another way to beat him. But I just feel he's too good for this movie. Again, Infinity War is not a bad movie but it has flaws that hurt the film quite a bit. My main problem was the tone, I think my false sense of security for the audience idea was the intended effect that the director's were going for but it just doesn't feel that high stakes and it should! We are talking about the fate of countless worlds and people, a truly horrible person wielding unlimited powah, and it's the same old shit. If you're not going to treat this subject material seriously and make it as good as possible with hard, dark, possibly even deep moments then just stop. You don't get to skate around this on your same old tropes, do something with it! Make it like an epic tragedy, a proper war film where people die, where it's a constant struggle for these gemstones, treat it as if you are making one of the greatest and most powerful films ever made where Ingmar Bergmann or Akira Kurosawa would applaud it. But screw that, we gotta make it for the kids you little bastards, go buy our shit! Why make it an actual good film that will be talked about for decades for pushing the envelope of comic book movies? I assume you wanted to tell this story from almost the beginning, why else would you make 18 damn movies beforehand? So you feel the impact, so you give a shit, so you are invested in the story. Well congratulations you did that, now where's the movie worthy of that payoff? It's just another standard Marvel movie with a very strong ending. And let's talk about the snap heard 'round the world. It's impact didn't fully do it for me because well, I've waited two years to watch this movie. When the scene has practically become an iconic meme it loses that gravitas, I knew it was going to happen, when it was going to happen, who got dusted, and how the film ended. Do I still appreciate it? Very. The lack of music, the almost washed out colors, the unceremonious deaths of characters we've watched for years, it's an experly crafted scene....but that atmosphere and tone should have permeated the entire film. Oh my God, I have to split the review cause I'm still not done. So um, get ready for more of this!

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Guys this was the pickup that I needed.

This was like having a delicious meal after swirling bleach in my mouth. Guardians 2 was a pile of ass. But we have better things to talk about! Spider-Man Homecoming is a mighty fine movie in the series, may possibly be the 2nd or 3rd best Marvel movie I've seen. Tom Holland probably stole a lot of people's hearts in Civil War and seeing him in his own solo movie is every bit wonderful as you think it is, I know a lot of people hold Tobey Maguire near and dear to their hearts and he ain't bad but I would say Tom is my favorite. His energy, line delivery, and personality is incredibly spot on and it's gonna be great seeing him again. I like the story, it's a very sort of back to basics film where the stakes aren't incredibly high and it's more about the hero's arc than the conflict showcased in the film with teenage Peter Parker after being recruited by Tony in Civil War is trying to prove his mettle to be a part of the Avenger's while still doing his everyday teenage things. It's very simple but it works very well. Finally some good f***ing villain material, and who else gets that honor except Michael Keaton? No joke I was considering watching this movie in theaters solely because of Michael Keaton being in it, and he did not disappoint! I find it cool that they brought a more crazy villain like Vulture and gave it a somewhat believable retooling, I think the costume design is great and his motivation mainly being to provide for his family by selling experimental weapons is an interesting one. Granted I could severly argue how anybody knows how to make such advanced tech, but whatever I'm just happy to see him in the movie. I find it kind of odd though how they handled Spider-Man, did he get bitten by a radioactive spider or not? Cause he's super strong, can take hits that would smash people's bones into jelly, can do really impressive acrobatic movements, but he doesn't have the spidey sense or the organic web. Make up your mind movie, you can't have it both ways! You can't have him doing these impossible feats but still have him be a normal kid who makes the webshooters. It doesn't make a lick of sense! Those were really the two biggest problems I had with the movie, was the tech. Yes, Peter's best friend is kind of annoying but he genuinely got me to laugh a few times so I'll give you points for making him feel like an actual teenage friend. Yes, it follows a few too many high school movie tropes and cliches. Yes the love interest was meaningless, but I liked Michelle better or as I affectionately called her in the movie Best Girl, she's just a cool kid who didn't spout any bullshit and was way more interesting. We better get more of her. It's certainly one of the more funny movies but when the action needs to hit they do a good job, still doing a lot of things for real and not always having a CG Spidey jumping around. And was I the only one who was kinda uncomfortable with how they did Aunt May? Now do not get me wrong, I do not think Aunt May always has to be this silver haired elderly lady, and Marisa Tomei really and truly was an emotional highlight of the film but when I first heard and only heard about her it all boiled down to, "This chick is hawt, MILF alert!" and I just figured that's the internet being it's usual pervy self but no! Everybody is hitting on May and I'm just like, Jesus H. Christ people Marisa Tomei is undoubtedly a very beautiful lady but can you calm your raging erections for five lousy minutes? It just bothered me. But honestly, I very much enjoyed the film. There was one point where I kinda screamed, partly due to shock and partly due to me being a fanboy, if you know the twist scene you know what I'm talking about. I had no idea it was going to happen and I flipped. I can't even recall the last movie that had that effect on me, this really did put me in a good mood and I friggin' needed it. Bad. I'm not fully sure if Tom is completely onboard over at Disney, because I felt it was such a shitty massive c*** move from Sony to put this guy through so much when he genuinely wanted to keep doing this role, so I really hope all is well and he can keep doing what he loves to do, that should be a given right to any actor. But this was a fun, very entertaining movie. 3 stars from me, 7.5/10! And tomorrow, I guess I get Cate Blanchette being a total goddess (as always) and more Hulk. Groovy.

Captain America: Civil War

I think the Russo brothers really just love bringing us the darker hard hitting stuff.

Compared to the other Marvel movies Civil War is the most serious and hard edged entry, and the changes from the source material I feel are mostly for the better. So instead of a superhero registration where all the known superheroes have to reveal their identities and work for the U.S. government, Tony and Steve are on opposite sides of the spectrum for an accord where the Avengers stop acting as a unilateral force and essentially become the errand boys of the United Nations after a debacle in Nigeria. Tony is all for it because he wants to keep protecting the world in the confines of the law and supports being accountable for their actions. Which on one hand I fully understand, there's a lot of collateral damage and deaths in their operations and Tony does not want to seem higher above the people he wants to protect cause he acknowledges the death toll and wants to do something about it. But here's the thing, in a perfect world the Avengers could save everybody. They could defeat the villains and not one hair on everybody's head would be damaged. But...that's not how it is, you can save millions if not billions of people but thousands could still die indirectly of their actions. That sucks, that's f***ing terrible, but it is what happens. No amount of government oversight could change that. But Steve isn't better either, he says screw the system because they could control everything about them and even call them off from saving lives which goes against the entire perogative of The Avengers, they would be puppets of the world's governments. It's fascinating to see these guys swap roles, but honestly after the events of The Winter Soldier I can understand why Steve is against this idea. And they clash. They call in almost everybody we've seen so far and even bring in a new face with Peter Parker, which I have to say after hearing all about the total bullshit Tom has put up with in this series it's great to see him in the role at last and I'm happy he's still around. The fights are pretty good, but truthfully the story and dilemma is what got me most invested, it's a bleak and dire situation for the Avengers and everybody is just trying to do the right thing, the same aspect that made me really like The Winter Soldier. Now I know there's people out there who just want to see shit explode and watch superheroes do battle, that's fine, comic books are escapist fiction, not every comic book movie has to be like The Dark Knight, but when a comic book movie puts so much very well constructed emphasis on a more internal dilemma and the character's emotions and their own world views it genuinely does make for a compelling and really good story! The Winter Soldier and Civil War are honestly tied for my favorite Marvel movie because of this factor. Sure the movie has flaws, the villain is so transparent he borders on invisible in terms of story, yeah I kept forgetting who the people were in the story who were not the superheroes, yeah Spider-Man was very quickly slapped into the story, yeah it should have ended at two hours in and not kept going for another 30 minutes but it still turned out to be a really good movie. I feel like the best comic book movies are actually ones that ascend past the genre, Michael Keaton's Batman, Christopher Reeve's first Superman movie, Watchmen, The Dark Knight, Wonder Woman, The Winter Soldier, Civil War, all are damn good comic book movies but they go beyond just being a comic book movie and can be looked at as just a movie. That's not an insult, film is film, but they give that much more to really give the genre more respect and validity, and not just be kid movie bullshit that's just entertainment fluff. Yeah it's still awesome seeing Captain America and Iron Man square off, and Batman fighting the Joker, and there is never anything wrong with that. I'm a comic book lover now and forever, but also a film critic. And in my opinion Civil War gets a solid 3.5 stars, 7.5/10! Good news everybody, the Doctor is in tomorrow.

Avengers: Age Of Ultron

I'm not sure if people hated this one or not but I thought it was alright.

Age Of Ultron all in all is a good entry in the Marvel series, it has things I really love and things I wish just weren't there, but I certainly didn't hate it. It keeps the ball rolling with the Avengers still on the hunt for Loki's scepter and they finally acquire it, unfortunately it holds no bearings in the plot after that, it's pretty much just an excuse for the opening action scene. Afterwards Tony reveals to Bruce of his dream, to create a being able to stop interstellar attacks on Earth and uniwittingly becomes Dr. Frankenstein and creates, you guessed it, a machine that wants to wipe out humanity. Do humans just piss robots off that much? Leading the Avengers to assemble once more to battle the threat of Ultron. Now let's get into details, I like seeing the Avengers on a bit of downtime to see them just kinda hang out and reinforce they are a true team. This is the movie that births the best ship in the MCU (I will fight you on this and win) with Black Widow and Hulk, and my God is it wonderful. Thanks movie, I love it! We get to see more Hawkeye which is nice cause I barely remembered him last time and it does feel ever so slightly manipulative that they gave him this nice farm with a loving family, it's like the writers knew he was the weakest Avenger and we have to make the audience care somehow so uh, give him a wife and kids, yeah that will get them emotionally invested. I genuinely felt Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch were incredibly not needed in this story, they don't have much significance. They show up, team up with Ultron, turn babyface, fight Ultron, one of them bites the bullet or bullets I should say, and while they destroyed Ultron's body I still felt little connection or even cared about them throughout the film. And then we also get Vision thrown in the mix as if this movie wasn't busy enough, he's just sort of eh. Nice cape though. Okay you remember when I said all I wanted from the villain was memorable motivation and character? This was not what I meant. Ultron is...problematic in many ways. Now the idea of an incredibly advanced AI that when created has the personality of a human but the high processing mind of a machine leading it to have a twisted majorly screwed up view of the world is fascinating, and even kinda believable, I don't hate the design except for the mouth movements (he's a robot, his mouth should not move like he has lips), but his plans are just the same old tricks. And what kills me about Ultron is his actual character, his personality, when I think of an artificial intelligence that feels completely justified in the extermination of all organic life and hates his creator Tony Stark, I think of a voice and personality akin to the likes of say Grand Admiral Thrawn or HAL 9000. Cold, incredibly calculating, scary intelligent, and an unbendable philosophy and will. What we get is a mugging chucklehead who crows Disney songs, I cannot take him seriously as a threat because he keeps f***ing goofing around, which bugs the shit out of me because why would he act that way?? He's an advanced intelligence in a vibranium robot shell, he should be kind of terrifying and a real force to go up against where it really would take every single Avenger and then some to deal with this one enemy. And he's a joke. I could not believe what I was watching with this guy. How do you f*** that up man? David Spader has a great voice and could really have pulled off something menacing, think like the T-800's power but with HAL 9000's intelligence. That would have been unbelievable! But no. Just...whatever. The action isn't bad but the final fight goes on forever to the point where Ultron's army seems like unlimited waves of enemies in a video game, the character interactions are good, the story is a bit jumbled and busy but still works, but I'm just wondering now how Civil War comes about. Cause Tony and Steve seemed to have mellowed out since their first outing, like on really good terms as friends so how does this go to hell in a handbasket? Are they going to do the whole superhero identity registration plotline? I have no idea. Bottom line Age Of Ultron isn't bad, I didn't hate it that much but didn't love it either. 2.5 stars, 6.5/10, and apparently we take a detour with Ant-Man before Civil War so see you then tomorrow.

Iron Man 3

Oh thank the space gods this didn't suck.

I was severely dreading Iron Man 3 after the last debacle and from the word of mouth I heard over the years did not help, and while this is an okay comic book movie what elevated it for me is actually what they did with Tony Stark. It's been awhile since New York and Tony is a bit worse for wear, he has anxiety attacks, he has full blown PTSD, he's having the triple crisis, an identity crisis, a mid-life crisis, and an existential crisis all in one film. At several instances this reminded me of The Dark Knight Rises but also Knightfall, with this new villain The Mandarin creating propaganda, completely destroying Tony's home, Tony hides out for awhile and has to recouperate from his severe beating, he's struggling with the Iron Man persona not too deeply as say Bruce is about the cape and cowl, but this really was like that kind of story for Tony. I'll say this up front right now, if this was the last time we ever saw Iron Man I would be happy, cause it seems like he walks away from it all, he fixes his heart, ditches the arc reactor, all of the suits are destroyed, and he seems content to help the world without being a superhero. This is great stuff. Tony hasn't been the most deep character and has been pretty easy to read, but this movie gives him more stuff to work with and shows a pretty vulnerable side to this guy. It almost makes up for Iron Man 2. Almost. I know a lot of people threw a shit fit over The Mandarin but seeing as how I've never read a Marvel comic book in my life, he's just sort of there and Ben Kingsley is odd in this movie but an entertaining odd. Once again the villain is sort of blah, it's not even an interesting scheme, good lord Marvel villains suck. Say what you will about the DC movies but the performances and villains we get are memorable in some shape or form even if they aren't particularly good (looking at you Steppenwolf), but they are more often than not. I mean I know we're still early days with these movies but I can't name a villain off the top of my head except Red Skull and Loki, but I remember them more for the star power and not the script. I think we've made it to the other end of the spectrum with the effects though, before it was a lot of practical effects with CG used sparingly, now it's a lot of CG with practical effects used sparingly. To be honest the Iron Man suits have been on a downward spiral for me in terms of the mechanics, I'm not a big fan of the designs, they screwed War Hammer over to the point where I just shake my head and ask why, but the big part is how the suit comes on. I thought it was kinda cool with the first suits we saw, they were bulky but still high tech, then it turned into a briefcase, and then it turned into random pieces that fly into position. It's so dumb. I'm sure some people like it but the practicality and designs have become so ridiculous I can't stand it. "But it's comic book stuff Dude!" you might be saying, but comic books can be plenty fraking stupid and this is an ideal example. Thanks! I hate it. Oh and let's talk about the army of suits, I heard people bitch and moan that ooh the Knights Of Ren were just made to sell toys, motherf***er have you seen the action figure collector sets of ALL the Iron Man variant suits? That....that is made for toys! Urgh, moving on. At least the child actor isn't abysmal. But beyond the pretty good character progression with Tony, this is yet another average Marvel movie. I'm starting to wonder how it's gotten this far to be honest, the movies are either superflous and bad or good but mostly average, you think with this many people squeezing every drop out of Marvel's yarbles there would be some pretty great movies and characters but it's just okay so far. I'm not taking the piss out of this series to aggravate people or say, well DC is better you f***ing idiots, I mean you've seen me give compliments! You've seen me say good things about these movies, I'm being unbiased here and not much has leaped out at me as really good if not great save for a few actors and moments. I get Marvel movies are not for everyone, but to a comic book fan the scale has not been tipped in Marvel's favor for me but again we're nowhere near the end and there's plenty more to see. 3 stars, 6.5/10, Thor is coming back tomorrow so let's hope his sequel fairs better.

The Avengers

Are you happy? I finally saw it.

It only took me almost a decade but I finally watched The Avengers. How was it? It's okay. I mean I know the wet dreams of Marvel fans the world over is probably what got this film to be the highest grossing film ever at one point in time, and while I can safely say this movie does not suck I didn't exactly love it either. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy this wasn't an hour and a half action scene done after an hour of buildup, in fact the pacing of the movie was commendable. Spending significant amounts of time catching us up on what the Avengers have been up to since their last movies, and getting everybody together for the first time. You started off good movie, you gave me Scarlett straight off the bat you get a point just for that! And I gotta say Mark Ruffalo really won me over very quickly, he brings more of that Bill Bixby humbleness and charm which pisses me off to no end that he hasn't got a proper solo movie cause I know he can pull it off! Christ, him and Loki were the best parts of the film hands down, Tom Hiddleston is just savaging this role and relishes every second of it, his acting is absurdly good in this movie. And I liked the dynamic of the team members, some don't get along while others do, they bicker sure but when shit hits the fan they are ready to help each other, the comraderie while brief was quite nice. The action scenes were spaced out and while I've become desensitized to crazy action setpieces I can just imagine the excitement and anticipation people had when seeing this for the first time. This has never been done before on any scale, and it would have been easy to make this a clusterf*** mess but they did good. I harbor no ill will towards The Avengers nor Justice League, I thought both movies juggled the characters and story well, so I can't really pick favorites on that case, I'd call them equals. I will say the plot sort of lost me a few times, mainly just because I forgot Hawkeye was even in this movie let alone brainwashed, and I didn't fully know why Loki decided to bring an alien race to decimate Earth. He had plenty of opportunities to grab the tesseract and GTFO but he just didn't, and I'm wondering what the plan was and how it pertains to a totally not California Raisin looking Thanos. I think the movie wisely focused more on the characters and their interactions than the sheer spectacle of battles, yeah it gets very cliched when the Avengers keep fighting one another and I know about the Civil War comic story so I know it's not impossible for these people to clash, but most of the time in the movie it felt forced and there just to sort of fill an action quota. And what the ass was with the alien/robot/monster things shutting down Phantom Menace style at the end? I thought they were just armored aliens but they work like robots? That...that was stupid, and weird, and didn't make a lick of sense but that's small beans to me with Tony and the nuke. He flat out pulls a Superman in The Dark Knight Returns and diverts a nuclear warhead to not destroy a city, but doesn't get caught in the blast radius this time, but what really gets on my nerves is he didn't need to fully insert it into the hole (Steady now...), just point it up and let go! And don't even try to tell me they were going for suspense if Tony was going to bite the bullet or not, nobody bought that for a millionth of a second. I know story doesn't have to be airtight in a popcorn flick like this, but some things just were odd to me and when the bullshit man says that's bullshit, well you know. It's a decent movie, I got some enjoyment out of it, I would place it with Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk as some of my favorites so far, so I'm just wondering what this Phase 2 or whatever it's called is going to hold for me. 3 stars, 7/10, I can understand why people like it but I am so not feeling the Marvel fanboy syndrome here.

Iron Man 2

Well we started off strong at least.

Yeah Iron Man 2 is a definite dud for me. When the most enjoyment I got out of the film was just rocking out to AC/DC at the end credits, that's not a good sign. I'm sorry but Iron Man 2 had nothing going for me, it tries something that we have seen before but brings nothing new to it. Okay so we fast forward 6 months after Iron Man, Tony has been revelling in the glory of his superhero identity but is actually dying from the arc reactor he invented which at first makes another compelling story point, he's slowly being poisoned by the thing that saved his life. Tragic irony, or poetic justice? Now I understand you needed some drama because the villains are so underwhelming and meaningless, but they just sort of pull a solution out of their ass in a very bewildering way and he's all better. But anyway, Sam Rockwell and Mickey Rourke team up to take out Tony Stark and create their own cheap knockoff mech suits, and my sweet sainted grandmother are they weak. Sam Rockwell, God bless that man, is a f***ing annoying twat in this movie, let me tell you about dis guy he never shuts the f*** up and contributes zero to the plot, and I've seen Sam Rockwell take smaller parts and bring something great to them as we've seen in Jojo Rabbit so I do not blame him for even a microsecond for this character. Mickey Rourke plays a russian physicist who for some reason goes after Tony and tries to destroy his legacy(?) for reasons unknown, seriously his dad kicks the bucket and then he starts making this lightwhip electro thingy, and gets his ass kicked twice in under 3 minutes. What the hell was the plan for this movie screenwriters? Nothing happens in this movie! Tony and Pepper's relationship kinda grows, Rhodey gets recast because well stuff happens and to be honest I like this guy better than the one before and he gets a pretty nifty mech suit, we introduce Black Widow so at the very least we get some Scarlett Johansson who you can tell did a good chunk of her combat and I'm always game to see more of her. And....that's about it. I will at least thank the filmmakers for giving us real suits, and guess what? They actually look pretty great! So no more need to unnecessarily CG them cause you can do it right there in camera, and again the action scenes are brief and still use plenty of practical stunts so good job there. But the story is meaningless, and the character progression is so shallow it's meaningless. They even pull the fight my best friend in a serious dramatic fight, because they had nothing going for this, War Machine and Iron Man duke it out for really no reason other than, "Tony's being an asshole and I gotta get him under control.". It's astounding how little there is in this movie, it's not even a fun popcorn movie cause you don't get a lot of action, and I'm not complaining about that trust me but what was the goal here? Could you imagine if they just gave us a Black Widow movie in place of this one, just a solo Natasha Romanoff movie that firmly sets where she works in SHIELD, what she does, and how she got there? I wouldn't be complaining much! This is a definite skip for sure, 2 stars, 4.5/10. I swear on all that is good and wholesome in this world, Thor better pick it up cause if this is the start of a downward spiral, it is not gonna be pretty.

Iron Man

So it begins.

Yeah. I'm doing it. If only so I can get it out of my system. Believe it or not I actually have seen Iron Man quite a few times and even owned it on DVD back in 2008, long before I had any thought of such an expansive multi-connected series of movies. And for a beginning entry, I do say Iron Man ain't half bad. You know back in the day, I remember talking about this trailer in my music class of all things and nobody really had any idea what it was about, just that it was a Marvel character and it looked kinda cool. Oh how the times have changed, in just a bit over 10 years your average movie going person has come from who the hell is Iron Man to whoa, Iron Man is the shit! Can you believe that? The only Marvel characters I knew of, like ever, when I was a kid was The Hulk and Spider-Man and that was mainly due to the movies of Ang Lee and Sam Raimi with a dash of the 70s Hulk series with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno. And I thought the movie was okay back then and honestly my opinion hasn't changed much, it's not bad and genuinely has some good elements to it so here comes the dilemma with this series. Do I review the movies as standalone pictures or as part of a bigger universe? And the answer is as a lone movie. I like the story, Tony Stark is the head of a multi-billion dollar corporation specializing in weapons manufacturing and while in Afghanistan is ambushed by terrorists and held hostage for three months after having several pieces of shrapnel enter his heart. He's thankfully saved and quickly forms a plan of escaping his captors by creating a mechanized suit and pretty soon takes up the responsibility of regaining his company, stopping more weapons falling in the wrong hands, and kicks some ass while doing so. Get used to me bringing stuff like this up, but I got hardcore Batman vibes from this movie. Now is it possible Batman Begins had an effect on the story for this movie? Possibly! But Tony's dedication to a crusade of righting his company's wrongs and making sure no one is hurt by weapons of his own making just screamed Bruce Wayne at me, even though his teenage boy wiseass attitude makes him a unique and kinda fun character. Hell, Ms. Potts and Jarvis combined are Alfred, and Rhodey is simultaneously Jim Gordon and Robin so it really did strike me as familiar and accesible ground. I am slightly apprehensive about the special effects though in future films because...I hate the Iron Man suit being all CG. In fact, I absolutely looooove the original Iron Man suit, this total metal, clanky ass, crudely made shitbox looks way better than the red and gold suit. The fact they straight up made that full suit is amazing, it is friggin' real! It busts down doors, shoots fire, can take bullet storms, practical effects are an absolute highlight for me in this movie. But then here comes the fake CG bullshit, like not once do we see the red and gold suit as an actual costume which sucks majorly because I kinda like the design, there's a reason the color scheme is what it is, it's refined but still robotic and kinda bulky, it just has a good design. And I'm just scared the future movies are going to be roided up Prequel territory where, it's so dense every single image has so much going on, with the CG to the point where it's gonna just not hold my interest and look bad. Granted the characters are defined enough to where you have some sort of anchor in the real world and can identify with them, and I have to say the cast does admirable work. Though guys seriously? Jeff Bridges is your villain? Have you met that guy? I'm not saying he can't do it but he is way too much of a laidback cool cat to be villainous. Beyond that though, good cast. I like the arc Tony gets in this movie, being a very flippant and saracastic guy but goes through some events that reshape who he is, it's compelling and well executed stuff. But Jesus, Mary, and Joseph is this kinda dated. I mean they drop MySpace into the script. Can you guess what year this was filmed kiddos? And the whole war in Iraq thing while topical at the time, hasn't aged well for the movie. It is very much a product of 2008. Which was a big year for comic book movies, I mean The Dark Knight hit like a thermonuclear bomb and blew everybody away, and Iron Man was planting the acorn and watching the tree grow for a long running series of films. I have big issues with the Marvel Cinematic Universe, believe me I could rant about it for awhile but we're in early days right now so I can enjoy them as just neat little comic book movies. I just sorely miss those times when movies were just movies and they didn't have to be expansive events lasting dozens of movies building an all encompassing world. But regardless I think Iron Man is an okay movie, it's nothing fantastic and I have certainly seen worse in my day. 3 stars, a solid 7/10, and tomorrow we see the not so jolly green giant in his second theatrical film.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows

Boy did this series lose it's identity.

Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows hardly feels like a Sherlock Holmes story. It has elements which consist of five characters and one scene related to the books. Our story picks up awhile after the first movie, Watson has ben married to his wife Mary, and they are off to their honeymoon. However, several bombings have been going around which causes Holmes to sidetrack Watson off his honeymoon and to stop the guiding hands in this catastrophe, Professor Moriarty. Sounds interesting right? Well if you're a fan of mostly action, decent bits of comedy, and absolutely NO mystery, then boy howdy is this film for you! I repeat, a Sherlock Holmes movie....wiyh no mystery. Everything is spelled out for you, there are no clues, no deductions, just a trail of slow-mo action scenes coupled together with questionable disguises, and fair comedy but that does not save this movie. We get our original three stars from the first one, but also two newcomers, Stephen Fry as Sherlock's brother Mycroft who is funny because it's Stephen Fry he is quite funny regularly, and Jared Harris as Professor Jim Moriarty...oh boy. I have nothing against this actor, terrible Moriarty. I do not look at this man and go, "Ah Sherlock Holmes greatest nemesis!" I see a guy. He's not menacing, devilishly brilliant, or threatning. He is merely there. Oh God. There is one good thing I can talk about in the entire movie, and it all boils down to one single scene, at the end. It's the most Sherlock thing in the whole damn movie, a chess game between Holmes and Moriarty. Brilliant, something I can get behind at last! The only part of the movie you should ever watch, culminating into one of the most famous stories from the books....The Reichanbach Fall. But I only recommend the chess scene, beyond that I can gurantee you will miss nothing. Stick to the first movie, or even better watch the BBC series Sherlock. That is all for this week, join me next week for some real Christmas classics.

Sherlock Holmes

Best way to start December!

Yes, I liked reviewing a Sherlock Holmes movie so much in December I am doing it again. I have always greatly enjoyed this movie and I couldn't think of anyone better as playing the world famous detective than Robert Downey Jr. he is just brilliant as him! Okay story time, our partners in crime solving Sherlock and Watson are hip deep in a case that arised from quite peculiar circumstances, a grand mystery with no clear answers in sight until the very end involving conspiracies, cults, and a much bigger plot behind it all. But of course we all know who's behind it. If you have a passing knowledge of Sherlock Holmes you know who orchestrated this whole scheme. Major brownie points for the setting, fitting the time period the books were written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, I mean spot on. The cast is wonderful in our three main characters, and quite decent in supporting. Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law have excellent chemistry together as friends, just their witty banter between each other never fails to amuse me. Rachel McAdams is an interesting choice as Irene Adler, but she gets the character down very well although I don't recall Irene being very open with how much she loved Sherlock. It also has pretty terrific music, I just can't explain it any other way than being well...Sherlockian, I hear it and I immediately think Sherlock Holmes. With one exception, just had a great and intense scene, Irene nearly escaped death, Watson runs out and Holmes follows, tripwire goes off, Watson yells Holmes' name, film goes slow-mo, big chain of explosions going off everywhere, and what do I hear? Bizzare, dischordant violin music. I don't hate the music, it fits in the world potrayed perfectly, but not that scene. Would have been way more effective if you barely heard anything, perhaps ever so faint sound effects of explosions or just dead silence! It would have created a better scene. And I really hate to say this but, you don't know what all has transpired until 30 minutes before the film ends. You constantly see things, ever so subtle hints, clues, minute details but never any explanation of it. Half the fun of a mystery movie is trying to piece it together yourself. This never happens in this movie. You're just left to wait until all is explained, now some people can argue that is a good thing, only Holmes can pick up on these things and no one else so it makes sense. Other people like me can argue it never hurts to actually leave clues for the audience to pick up on. Participation in movies is rare, this is where the mystery genre comes in. It encourages you to become part of the movie, not an observer but a actor. I love the exanation, taking what seems to be pure malicious magic into hard scientific facts. That is awesome. Now beyond all that, I still like the movie, I would definitely recommend it to people, and I think it would be sort of a fun competition to see how much people can pick up on throughout the film. Give it a watch and put those detective skills to work.