Skeleton Crew

I'm late to the party, don't yell!

Lord knows we needed some fun and fancy free Star Wars, and boy howdy did Skeleton Crew hit so many buttons for me! Taking a concept as simple as four kids find a derelict spaceship and get whisked off into an adventure in a galaxy far far away, and giving so so much more than that. I'm honestly stumped where to begin so let's talk cast. Ravi Cabot-Conyers as Wim could not encapsulize a loving Star Wars fan in the universe of Star Wars more if he tried, wanting some adventure in his life and obsessed with tales of the Jedi, his bubbly persona and comedic timing are a joy to watch throughout. Ryan Kiera Armstrong as tomboy rebel Fern is pretty badass assuming the role of captain of the ship and carries a no nonsense attitude that serves the crew well on their adventures, if Wim is the heart Fern is the brain. Kyriana Kratter as tech savvy KB while not getting an abundance of personalized screen time has a killer design, and honestly owns the most emotional scene of the whole show in my humble opinion, and yes she is baby girl and an ace pilot! You know if you've been around long enough on this show how I often say I see certain characters and can imagine my future daughter to be exactly like them? Sirs, madames, and all you wonderful in-betweens on this planet...I have a son. His name is Neel (After Neil Armstrong?), and I'm trying not to be an emotional mess right now. Robert Timothy Smith you are friggin' Star Wars ROYALTY in my eyes! That's my son, that's my boy! So sweet, so thoughtful, effortlessly adorable, charming, and amazing. I would be here for the rest of my life telling you how proud I am and how much I love my little blue elephant son. I would kill for Wim and Fern, I would burn planets for KB, but I would end dimensions for Neel, I won't hear a besmirching remark or pithy comment on any of them. Jude Law as a pirate captain with more names than Sauron himself, but I'll stick to Jod is a right bastard in this show as any pirate should be, and to have an actor with range as broad as Jude Law I knew I was gonna get a really fun good performance and he is absolutely fascinating to watch in this from beginning to end. Wild to think Nick Frost took almost a decade to get into Star Wars since Simon Pegg got in right off the bat in 2015, but contender for best droid in the galaxy SM-33 is quite a stamp to have, and yes I do just call him Smee. Endlessly entertaining, absolute king, made me feel justified saying 'Aye' for the last few years, 10/10! But obviously we get more characters thrown in so I'll highlight some standouts real quick. Brutus, holy great balls of fire that is character design genius having a legacy alien, Shistavanen, been around since 1977, as a pirate with flintlock blasters are you–

Lucasfilm you never needed to go that hard. Kh'ymm wise owl lady, sign me the hell up I'm so here for her and her aesthetic! Pokkit, we got a Disney Princess up in here y'all so thank you Kelly Macdonald for being in this universe, granted you kinda scare me but a scottish accent can make me do crazy things, need more of her. Also shoutout to Jaleel White, stellar to have you aboard as well! In fact all the visual designs and worldbuilding to a galaxy that has a lot already going for it is marvellously handled, ship designs, worlds, use of aliens, lore about the Old Republic hello there! And they don't even really cherrypick elements from the past though occasional nods to stuff like Force Unleashed and Knights Of The Old Republic make a nerd like me happy, they craft a lot of new stuff and I loooooove when Star Wars is new stuff never before seen! Even a pretty decent mystery involving the kid's homeplanet had my interest but was far from my focus. They wanted to make a damn good show and whether or not this is the end or if it comes back for round two, I'm fairly happy with it all! In fact my only source of contention is the ending and that's simply because it was too short, we had climax and falling action but precisely zero on resolution and I felt there were loose ends to tie up. Is my son gonna get his girlfriend or not?? Answer me Lucasfilm you cowardly cutlass! I mean if a show barely over 4 hours total can get me that invested and wanting to know as much as possible, clearly it did something right! This was so much fun, taking a lot of Amblin magic, with ample love of 80s cinema a lá Goonies and such, and weaving it into a storied franchise is not only impressive but very succesful. You don't even really need to know all that much about Star Wars to enjoy it and understand it which my God that's handy! Love the story, love the style, love the characters, love the adventure, Jesus fish Andor is gonna wreck me isn't it? We got some months before that but mother of all that is good and precious it's gonna hit like a burial brick. Until that bombshell I give this series 4 stars, 8.5/10!

The Secrets Of Dumbledore

Thank the gods this was an improvement.

I was actually eagerly anticipating the end credits for this cause I wanted to know two things. Who directed it and who wrote it? David Yates returns to direct but honestly it feels so different and is so visually impressive at times that I thought they did get a different director. And wonder upon wonders, I was right! J.K. Rowling had the help of a screenwriter and worked in conjunction with them, and the script works for the better. It's not as bombastic as you would expect, if anything it sets the board for future confrontations between Dumbledore and Grindlewald as more or less they confront one another and know they will have to fight, while Albus recruits the help of Newt and newcomer to the wizarding world Eulalie to help him gain an edge over Grindlewald. Again, not very big stakes and the best way I can summarize it is the first two movies were more in the tone of Prisoner Of Azkaban whereas this movie seems more Order Of The Phoenix or even Half Blood Prince. Which is odd because you have a fair few cutesy moments, but then you see a magical creature get it's throat slit. It just isn't a fun kids movie series at this point, there is history and intrigue in this period of time and they do want to expand on it which I love. Before seeing this I wanted it to cap off at 3 movies, but truthfully after seeing this bring on the fourth film! It does what any good sequel should do, expand on the story, advance the characters, and introduce new elements. Newt is way more sociable and warm, a far cry from his shy and non-human interest in the first film. Eulalie is a warm welcome to this series, she is lovely, I think she's brilliant, nothing but a joy to watch throughout and I can't wait to see more. Jude is outstanding, having so much more time on screen and delivering his own Albus while staying true to the character we originally met, and the dynamic with him and Grindlewald is the best part of the film. Cause you can tell and infer a great deal from Jude's and Mads' performances, they love each other and would prefer not to fight but you can tell there's so much more behind their eyes. I loved it. Plus, I can never have too much Mads Mikkelsen in my life thank you very much. The visuals and cinematography are leaps and bounds better than I dare even say most of the Harry Potter series, the shots they do in this I wish were in the other movies it's done super well. All I wanted was a good movie and I got a good movie that made me want another. I can't ask more than that. 4 stars, 8.5/10, good end to the week!

In Retrospect: The Crimes Of Grindlewald

Well I kinda remember why I haven't seen this since opening day.

I wasn't super keen on it the first time around so has the passage of time lessened the impact of a less than favored sequel? Well I must admit there were more things I appreciated and very much liked on second viewing, and then there were things I was just like, well you could have left that out and just not did that. I've heard more than a fair share of bad mouthing over the years on this movie so I'll try to no let that lead me into tangents. I feel the story was mostly okay until 3/4 of the way through then it dropped significantly, and it's rather difficult to talk about it and not break it entirely down scene by scene. We don't have that much time or space to write that much. So I'll just say, I am okay with Newt still being a strong player in magical events despite his less than action hero status, and if the filmmakers are taking a more long way round version of the hero's journey where we fully see Newt become a capable and important wizard throughout the series then I have no problem with that. I like we get Jacob back quite a bit, he was a fun and happy character that brought the first film some levity so I don't mind he comes back even if he was drugged against his will by the person he loves. Just...we'll get back to that. Great seeing Zoe again, I got more out of Leta's story and the flashback sequences were some of my favorite parts of the movie all around, she's a rebellious and damaged witch that found some solace in a friend like Newt and honestly how many Slytherin's can you name who you like as people? Jude Law is still awesome, I'm so happy we're getting more emphasis on him in the next movie, I see more of how he plays Dumbledore as a figure who wants to help but has to stay out of the action, almost a older Obi-Wan type character that we'll get in that upcoming series, he just plays it perfectly. Now on the opposite side of the acting spectrum, a lot of the side character fat could have been trimmed. It's not necessary to see the backstory of a snake turned horcrux, Credence trying to discover his family is by no means a bad story but it wasn't given enough time to feel important or impactful. I feel Ezra Miller was almost floundering for any semblance of substance to cling onto in this for his role, so I can't hold this against him. Johnny Depp isn't a bad villain in my eyes, again more underutilized and not given much to work with, no harm or foul on the actor. Alison Sudol as Queenie however, they did you dirty my love! You took a queen, a marvel to behold, one of the most lovable and charming characters in this series, and you assassinated her before my very eyes. She kidnaps Jacob, force feeds a love potion to him even though he loved her already, is off her rocker for no good godforsaken reason, and then just joins the evil wizard for oh! You guessed it! No reason. Look at how they've massacred my girl. There is no justifying sloppy terrible character writing. The plot just kinda meanders about, with no solid connective tissue to link so many character's stories, and once that last fourth of the movie kicks in is when it becomes a stupid soap opera. Revelations and personal history dropped forty levels on your head without prelude or intrigue, contrivance after contrivance, and a villain speech that strains the human mind's capacity for logic. I mean if Rowling did a good and admirable job writing the first movie and not making it an overcomplicated or stupid story, but then failed miserably here I'm just wondering what occured. And I think I can narrow it down to, she writes books. Not screenplays. If she wrote a 400+ page book and titled it The Crimes Of Grindlewald and could flesh everything out to her heart's content, I think we wouldn't have a problem. But she needs to write a script for a movie roughly two and a half hours long, so the disadvantages of her writing become more noticeable. Now if she relegates the actual script to a screenwriter and she just throws out ideas and works with them, we should be in safe hands here for however many we have left. It's a mixed bag of a movie and people can either like it or despise it, but me personally I find it complicated but average at best. 2 stars, 5.5/10, and I ask the ancient mystics and magi for a small bit of magic for the next movie. Until then.

Captain Marvel

Well that was average.

I really haven't heard a single good thing about Captain Marvel ever. I seriously expected this to be a bottom of the barrel Marvel movie, worse than Guardians 2 but truthfully it was okay. It has problems sure but it ain't trash either. So we meet up with Carol Danvers on an alien world where she essentially works as a special forces soldier battling an enemy constantly infiltrating and usurping control of worlds. After being captured and interrogated, memories awaken of a life before the one she remembers and she very quickly crashes on Earth searching for answers as to who she is. Now I will completely admit this is by no means a bad story, with better writing this could be a very emotional and powerful story about a woman who has been lied to her entire life and through circumstances very slowly unearths memories of who she really is and her subsequent vengeance on those who have lied to her and made her a living weapon. That would be a rad story, but we only get bits of it in this movie and it doesn't have an emotional punch to it. I've heard many people say oh Captain Marvel has no arc or development, oh she's too overpowered to the point where there is no tension in the fight scenes, and yes you are correct but how is that different from most other Marvel characters? True some heroes did have arcs in a single movie but a lot of them had to have 2 or 3 movies to complete an arc, and Brie Larson isn't terrible in this movie. I found she had very good screen chemistry with Sam Jackson, and while she didn't have much of a reaction to her past, there are hints of a personality to her character. I personally blame the script more than the actor. And what's this whole, there's no tension to the fights shit? Name one Marvel movie where there was tension in a fight scene beyond Infinity War. Go ahead. I got time. The fights are for spectacle not for story purposes, save for perhaps Civil War but even then there's not much tension. I wasn't expecting someone to bite the bullet in ANY Marvel movie except Infinity War. To be perfectly honest I hated one part of the movie, just one! The ending was a bit forced. Like really forced. Like are you kidding me kind of forced. Beyond that I didn't care much. This Marvel movie burnout has set in pretty much from Captain America, so I was just so not caring for the most part. There were a handful of things I liked, Nick Fury is awesome in this movie granted it's a different take from how we usually see him but Sam made it highly enjoyable, I kinda liked the soundtrack it had good energy and was catchy at points, I actually didn't mind the whole enemy twist thing and the standoff between Brie Larson and Jude Law really got a cute laugh out of me. I thought it was funny and kinda great. And yeah this movie is taking place in 1995, so I get my nostalgia but thanks for rubbing salt in my wounds with the Blockbuster you buncha' jackasses. But I was really expecting a very hamfisted, heavy handed, totally pandering elements in this movie with how much people were bitching about it. But honestly, I didn't see anything. No agenda pushing bullshit, no cringey lines, no women superior men inferior nonsense. I found the montage of her constantly falling down and picking herself back up to be a good message for every single human being on the face of the planet, and I could kinda see a moment or two when young girls might look up to Captain Marvel. Hero worship is no bad thing in my eyes. So it was a very middle of the road movie which could be argued is the worst crime of all. With a bad movie there's at least something to rant and rave about, and with a good movie there's plenty to talk about what you liked or loved. But with middle of the road movies they kinda just get forgotten, I'm really not expecting this movie to stick in my mind. It's an introduction movie before we see her in Endgame, that's the purpose of the film. So maybe that's why it feels not so well written, they just needed to quickly do like a character introduction/recap before they appear in a big event movie. It's a skip for sure but it's harmless. 2 stars, 5/10.

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindlewald

I know, I'm late. And I'm not too sure if I got a headache from this movie.

I have such conflicted emotions on this movie. I feel I have to make my stance clear on this matter, I am what I like to call a 'light' fan of Harry Potter. Really like the films, I have some nostalgia in play since I was 6 when the first movie hit, and me and my mom even if it was a school day went to see the new Harry Potter movies opening day. But I'm not that hardcore into it, I was more a regular fan in my youth but I still enjoy those movies today! I greatly enjoyed the first Fantastic Beasts movie, it was seeing something new yet familiar and it was interesting. I've heard some people say the movie is cluttered and busy, and yes I can safely say that the plot is nothing but heavy, involved, and busy! So much happens that it actually bogs the film down! Now some people I'm sure could look past it and still enjoy it, and there are bright spots in this bleak sky! I can honestly say Jude Law is the best part of the whole movie, but he's barely in it. To see Professor Dumbledore so young, and learning new things about him is wonderful and Jude Law pulls it off fully! Eddie Redmayne is still wonderful as Newt and still exudes some specific Time Lord traits, but it still doesn't save the film. You know what I think is the worst part of the whole movie? Not the heavy plot, or the several instances that does not pay off in the end, but the fact that I have this nudging feeling that this movie panders to Harry Potter fans. Now what do I mean by that you might ask? Of course it does, to a degree, it's a spinoff of an acclaimed and popular series! But there is more to it than that, for me. It's like the movie needs to lean back on the Harry Potter franchise because there is so little that the Fantastic Beasts characters contribute to the story, and I just had a revelation! You know how some people say the plot of Raiders Of The Lost Ark would end exactly the same way if Indiana Jones would not have gotten involved? I think that's utter rubbish to begin with, but this movie I think would end the exact same way if Newt did not appear. Nothing happens! But back to the main point, it's like the filmmakers were like, "Hey! You remember Dumbledore, and Professor McGonagall, and Hogwarts, and the LeStrange family, and the phoenix in Dumbledore's office, and the snake Nagini? Guess what! It's all in this movie because we didn't have enough original character content to fill this movie!" and it hurts the movie. I like to call this the Star Wars prequel syndrome, now I know Star Wars references itself at nauseom and that is a bit distracting but the Harry Potter world does not need this fanservice pandering, not at this level. You can reference Hogwarts or the other wizarding schools, or a older character that pops up later, but when you flat out show the sorcerer's stone.....no!! Ohh my head....I have no idea if I can recommend this. If you read this whole review and still want to see the movie, by all means do. But with this much plot jam packed in this movie, I can truthfully say this franchise will not last beyond the 3rd movie. It will be a trilogy, no more no less. It can't go on for 8 movies, because there's just not much there! By the time the first movie hit, J.K. Rowling was on what, the 4th maybe even 5th book? She had a plan for a beginning, a middle, and an end. This series does not have that! If it makes it to movie #4 I will be amazed. Alright, I'm done. Hopefully The Grinch does not suck as bad as the 2004 movie, I'll let you know tomorrow. I genuinely wish to do all the Harry Potter movies either before the end of the year or not that long into the new year. Because I need a pick me up to remind me why I looked forward to this movie.

King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword

Alright, and I'm back with a brand new movie on a timeless legend.

So King Arthur The Legend Of The Sword is an iteration on Arthurian Legends and tales so how does it hold up? Well...I'm kind of split on it. When the trailer first popped up, I thought nothing of it but I soon saw it on television and the second The Lady in the Lake grabbed Excalibur and the sword caught on fire? You have my attention! Now granted King Arthur is a hard movie to make without the magical elements in it. So I was excited knowing there was going to be straight up magic in this movie, and it was great! Now onto the movie, so the film kinda jumbles the mythology a bit, in the stories Mordred an evil knight was trying to disband the Round Table and take the throne for himself, in the movie Arthur's father fights Mordred and defeats him in the first few minutes. Which is fine, it doesn't destroy the story of Arthur and his knights so no worries there, but as it happens Arthur's uncle stages a coup, takes over Camelot and forces Arthur to flee the kingdom but at the cost of his parent's lives. So now we kind of have an everyman story where he rises to do great things and take his rightful place as whatever, in this case king. What follows is the undoubted stroke of the editor. It takes the movie a grand total of maybe a minute to cover the expanse of time from when Arthur was a small child to adulthood, the shots last a second at most. It is un-flippin'-believable! It moves so fast and yet somehow I was able to stay with it, but that can't be the case for other people! So Arthur has his own thing going on, but enemy soldiers invade his town, and by what I swore to God was almost a massive coincidence, he gets taken to Camelot by said enemy soldiers and his forced to remove the sword in the stone. At first I thought I stumbled on a film breaking plot hole, how by pure coincidence Arthur is taken to the sword in Camelot on a boat, is then forced to pull the sword out, and then the movie really begins. But then I just stopped and thought, well rumors have been spreading about the true heir to the throne so it actually makes total logical sense to round up every guy from his mid 20s to early 30s and have him attempt to pull the sword. The guy who does it, congratulations! The bad guys can execute him, and keep the evil king in power. Sort of like The Ten Commandments. But, I don't know it just really threw me off a bit, but not as much as Jude Law who plays Arthur's uncle and his inability to age! Dude looks the same when he was a kid and when he is an adult! Now he does practice magic but somehow I doubt he found that particular spell. Anyway, so Arthur gets the sword, breaks out, joins a resistance, and leads them in regaining Camelot. Not much to write home about but it's nothing less than what I expected. I mean the whole movie is really just okay. The acting is okay but there's one tiny scene with Jude Law that really speaks volumes, Arthur is no longer the kind and noble king, he's a bit of a snarky bastard. Scratch that, he's a massive smart ass! But Charlie Hunnam does well, as does the rest of the cast. The action scenes are very um...videogame-ish. I mean the second Arthur grabs that sword, it's like god mode! Excalibur breaks every sword, everything slows down to matrix bullet time, I'm pretty shure that damn sword threw a Hadouken at least twice! So sometimes the special effects look ripped from a video game, but these sets are pretty damn good. If you stop and look at these massive sets they built the film must be commended, and there was even use of miniatures. Now how many movies can you say that about in 2017? All in all, King Arthur is an average movie and could only be recommended to the most hardcore of fantasy and medieval movies. There's even a hilarious in-joke where Arthur has to fight giant rats and bats as training. Gee, I wonder why that sounds SO damn familiar! Well that about does it for me, more movies to review next week. Many more weeks, many more movies. Take care everyone!

Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows

Boy did this series lose it's identity.

Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows hardly feels like a Sherlock Holmes story. It has elements which consist of five characters and one scene related to the books. Our story picks up awhile after the first movie, Watson has ben married to his wife Mary, and they are off to their honeymoon. However, several bombings have been going around which causes Holmes to sidetrack Watson off his honeymoon and to stop the guiding hands in this catastrophe, Professor Moriarty. Sounds interesting right? Well if you're a fan of mostly action, decent bits of comedy, and absolutely NO mystery, then boy howdy is this film for you! I repeat, a Sherlock Holmes movie....wiyh no mystery. Everything is spelled out for you, there are no clues, no deductions, just a trail of slow-mo action scenes coupled together with questionable disguises, and fair comedy but that does not save this movie. We get our original three stars from the first one, but also two newcomers, Stephen Fry as Sherlock's brother Mycroft who is funny because it's Stephen Fry he is quite funny regularly, and Jared Harris as Professor Jim Moriarty...oh boy. I have nothing against this actor, terrible Moriarty. I do not look at this man and go, "Ah Sherlock Holmes greatest nemesis!" I see a guy. He's not menacing, devilishly brilliant, or threatning. He is merely there. Oh God. There is one good thing I can talk about in the entire movie, and it all boils down to one single scene, at the end. It's the most Sherlock thing in the whole damn movie, a chess game between Holmes and Moriarty. Brilliant, something I can get behind at last! The only part of the movie you should ever watch, culminating into one of the most famous stories from the books....The Reichanbach Fall. But I only recommend the chess scene, beyond that I can gurantee you will miss nothing. Stick to the first movie, or even better watch the BBC series Sherlock. That is all for this week, join me next week for some real Christmas classics.

Sherlock Holmes

Best way to start December!

Yes, I liked reviewing a Sherlock Holmes movie so much in December I am doing it again. I have always greatly enjoyed this movie and I couldn't think of anyone better as playing the world famous detective than Robert Downey Jr. he is just brilliant as him! Okay story time, our partners in crime solving Sherlock and Watson are hip deep in a case that arised from quite peculiar circumstances, a grand mystery with no clear answers in sight until the very end involving conspiracies, cults, and a much bigger plot behind it all. But of course we all know who's behind it. If you have a passing knowledge of Sherlock Holmes you know who orchestrated this whole scheme. Major brownie points for the setting, fitting the time period the books were written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, I mean spot on. The cast is wonderful in our three main characters, and quite decent in supporting. Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law have excellent chemistry together as friends, just their witty banter between each other never fails to amuse me. Rachel McAdams is an interesting choice as Irene Adler, but she gets the character down very well although I don't recall Irene being very open with how much she loved Sherlock. It also has pretty terrific music, I just can't explain it any other way than being well...Sherlockian, I hear it and I immediately think Sherlock Holmes. With one exception, just had a great and intense scene, Irene nearly escaped death, Watson runs out and Holmes follows, tripwire goes off, Watson yells Holmes' name, film goes slow-mo, big chain of explosions going off everywhere, and what do I hear? Bizzare, dischordant violin music. I don't hate the music, it fits in the world potrayed perfectly, but not that scene. Would have been way more effective if you barely heard anything, perhaps ever so faint sound effects of explosions or just dead silence! It would have created a better scene. And I really hate to say this but, you don't know what all has transpired until 30 minutes before the film ends. You constantly see things, ever so subtle hints, clues, minute details but never any explanation of it. Half the fun of a mystery movie is trying to piece it together yourself. This never happens in this movie. You're just left to wait until all is explained, now some people can argue that is a good thing, only Holmes can pick up on these things and no one else so it makes sense. Other people like me can argue it never hurts to actually leave clues for the audience to pick up on. Participation in movies is rare, this is where the mystery genre comes in. It encourages you to become part of the movie, not an observer but a actor. I love the exanation, taking what seems to be pure malicious magic into hard scientific facts. That is awesome. Now beyond all that, I still like the movie, I would definitely recommend it to people, and I think it would be sort of a fun competition to see how much people can pick up on throughout the film. Give it a watch and put those detective skills to work.