Iron Man 3

Oh thank the space gods this didn't suck.

I was severely dreading Iron Man 3 after the last debacle and from the word of mouth I heard over the years did not help, and while this is an okay comic book movie what elevated it for me is actually what they did with Tony Stark. It's been awhile since New York and Tony is a bit worse for wear, he has anxiety attacks, he has full blown PTSD, he's having the triple crisis, an identity crisis, a mid-life crisis, and an existential crisis all in one film. At several instances this reminded me of The Dark Knight Rises but also Knightfall, with this new villain The Mandarin creating propaganda, completely destroying Tony's home, Tony hides out for awhile and has to recouperate from his severe beating, he's struggling with the Iron Man persona not too deeply as say Bruce is about the cape and cowl, but this really was like that kind of story for Tony. I'll say this up front right now, if this was the last time we ever saw Iron Man I would be happy, cause it seems like he walks away from it all, he fixes his heart, ditches the arc reactor, all of the suits are destroyed, and he seems content to help the world without being a superhero. This is great stuff. Tony hasn't been the most deep character and has been pretty easy to read, but this movie gives him more stuff to work with and shows a pretty vulnerable side to this guy. It almost makes up for Iron Man 2. Almost. I know a lot of people threw a shit fit over The Mandarin but seeing as how I've never read a Marvel comic book in my life, he's just sort of there and Ben Kingsley is odd in this movie but an entertaining odd. Once again the villain is sort of blah, it's not even an interesting scheme, good lord Marvel villains suck. Say what you will about the DC movies but the performances and villains we get are memorable in some shape or form even if they aren't particularly good (looking at you Steppenwolf), but they are more often than not. I mean I know we're still early days with these movies but I can't name a villain off the top of my head except Red Skull and Loki, but I remember them more for the star power and not the script. I think we've made it to the other end of the spectrum with the effects though, before it was a lot of practical effects with CG used sparingly, now it's a lot of CG with practical effects used sparingly. To be honest the Iron Man suits have been on a downward spiral for me in terms of the mechanics, I'm not a big fan of the designs, they screwed War Hammer over to the point where I just shake my head and ask why, but the big part is how the suit comes on. I thought it was kinda cool with the first suits we saw, they were bulky but still high tech, then it turned into a briefcase, and then it turned into random pieces that fly into position. It's so dumb. I'm sure some people like it but the practicality and designs have become so ridiculous I can't stand it. "But it's comic book stuff Dude!" you might be saying, but comic books can be plenty fraking stupid and this is an ideal example. Thanks! I hate it. Oh and let's talk about the army of suits, I heard people bitch and moan that ooh the Knights Of Ren were just made to sell toys, motherf***er have you seen the action figure collector sets of ALL the Iron Man variant suits? That....that is made for toys! Urgh, moving on. At least the child actor isn't abysmal. But beyond the pretty good character progression with Tony, this is yet another average Marvel movie. I'm starting to wonder how it's gotten this far to be honest, the movies are either superflous and bad or good but mostly average, you think with this many people squeezing every drop out of Marvel's yarbles there would be some pretty great movies and characters but it's just okay so far. I'm not taking the piss out of this series to aggravate people or say, well DC is better you f***ing idiots, I mean you've seen me give compliments! You've seen me say good things about these movies, I'm being unbiased here and not much has leaped out at me as really good if not great save for a few actors and moments. I get Marvel movies are not for everyone, but to a comic book fan the scale has not been tipped in Marvel's favor for me but again we're nowhere near the end and there's plenty more to see. 3 stars, 6.5/10, Thor is coming back tomorrow so let's hope his sequel fairs better.

Iron Man 2

Well we started off strong at least.

Yeah Iron Man 2 is a definite dud for me. When the most enjoyment I got out of the film was just rocking out to AC/DC at the end credits, that's not a good sign. I'm sorry but Iron Man 2 had nothing going for me, it tries something that we have seen before but brings nothing new to it. Okay so we fast forward 6 months after Iron Man, Tony has been revelling in the glory of his superhero identity but is actually dying from the arc reactor he invented which at first makes another compelling story point, he's slowly being poisoned by the thing that saved his life. Tragic irony, or poetic justice? Now I understand you needed some drama because the villains are so underwhelming and meaningless, but they just sort of pull a solution out of their ass in a very bewildering way and he's all better. But anyway, Sam Rockwell and Mickey Rourke team up to take out Tony Stark and create their own cheap knockoff mech suits, and my sweet sainted grandmother are they weak. Sam Rockwell, God bless that man, is a f***ing annoying twat in this movie, let me tell you about dis guy he never shuts the f*** up and contributes zero to the plot, and I've seen Sam Rockwell take smaller parts and bring something great to them as we've seen in Jojo Rabbit so I do not blame him for even a microsecond for this character. Mickey Rourke plays a russian physicist who for some reason goes after Tony and tries to destroy his legacy(?) for reasons unknown, seriously his dad kicks the bucket and then he starts making this lightwhip electro thingy, and gets his ass kicked twice in under 3 minutes. What the hell was the plan for this movie screenwriters? Nothing happens in this movie! Tony and Pepper's relationship kinda grows, Rhodey gets recast because well stuff happens and to be honest I like this guy better than the one before and he gets a pretty nifty mech suit, we introduce Black Widow so at the very least we get some Scarlett Johansson who you can tell did a good chunk of her combat and I'm always game to see more of her. And....that's about it. I will at least thank the filmmakers for giving us real suits, and guess what? They actually look pretty great! So no more need to unnecessarily CG them cause you can do it right there in camera, and again the action scenes are brief and still use plenty of practical stunts so good job there. But the story is meaningless, and the character progression is so shallow it's meaningless. They even pull the fight my best friend in a serious dramatic fight, because they had nothing going for this, War Machine and Iron Man duke it out for really no reason other than, "Tony's being an asshole and I gotta get him under control.". It's astounding how little there is in this movie, it's not even a fun popcorn movie cause you don't get a lot of action, and I'm not complaining about that trust me but what was the goal here? Could you imagine if they just gave us a Black Widow movie in place of this one, just a solo Natasha Romanoff movie that firmly sets where she works in SHIELD, what she does, and how she got there? I wouldn't be complaining much! This is a definite skip for sure, 2 stars, 4.5/10. I swear on all that is good and wholesome in this world, Thor better pick it up cause if this is the start of a downward spiral, it is not gonna be pretty.

Iron Man

So it begins.

Yeah. I'm doing it. If only so I can get it out of my system. Believe it or not I actually have seen Iron Man quite a few times and even owned it on DVD back in 2008, long before I had any thought of such an expansive multi-connected series of movies. And for a beginning entry, I do say Iron Man ain't half bad. You know back in the day, I remember talking about this trailer in my music class of all things and nobody really had any idea what it was about, just that it was a Marvel character and it looked kinda cool. Oh how the times have changed, in just a bit over 10 years your average movie going person has come from who the hell is Iron Man to whoa, Iron Man is the shit! Can you believe that? The only Marvel characters I knew of, like ever, when I was a kid was The Hulk and Spider-Man and that was mainly due to the movies of Ang Lee and Sam Raimi with a dash of the 70s Hulk series with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno. And I thought the movie was okay back then and honestly my opinion hasn't changed much, it's not bad and genuinely has some good elements to it so here comes the dilemma with this series. Do I review the movies as standalone pictures or as part of a bigger universe? And the answer is as a lone movie. I like the story, Tony Stark is the head of a multi-billion dollar corporation specializing in weapons manufacturing and while in Afghanistan is ambushed by terrorists and held hostage for three months after having several pieces of shrapnel enter his heart. He's thankfully saved and quickly forms a plan of escaping his captors by creating a mechanized suit and pretty soon takes up the responsibility of regaining his company, stopping more weapons falling in the wrong hands, and kicks some ass while doing so. Get used to me bringing stuff like this up, but I got hardcore Batman vibes from this movie. Now is it possible Batman Begins had an effect on the story for this movie? Possibly! But Tony's dedication to a crusade of righting his company's wrongs and making sure no one is hurt by weapons of his own making just screamed Bruce Wayne at me, even though his teenage boy wiseass attitude makes him a unique and kinda fun character. Hell, Ms. Potts and Jarvis combined are Alfred, and Rhodey is simultaneously Jim Gordon and Robin so it really did strike me as familiar and accesible ground. I am slightly apprehensive about the special effects though in future films because...I hate the Iron Man suit being all CG. In fact, I absolutely looooove the original Iron Man suit, this total metal, clanky ass, crudely made shitbox looks way better than the red and gold suit. The fact they straight up made that full suit is amazing, it is friggin' real! It busts down doors, shoots fire, can take bullet storms, practical effects are an absolute highlight for me in this movie. But then here comes the fake CG bullshit, like not once do we see the red and gold suit as an actual costume which sucks majorly because I kinda like the design, there's a reason the color scheme is what it is, it's refined but still robotic and kinda bulky, it just has a good design. And I'm just scared the future movies are going to be roided up Prequel territory where, it's so dense every single image has so much going on, with the CG to the point where it's gonna just not hold my interest and look bad. Granted the characters are defined enough to where you have some sort of anchor in the real world and can identify with them, and I have to say the cast does admirable work. Though guys seriously? Jeff Bridges is your villain? Have you met that guy? I'm not saying he can't do it but he is way too much of a laidback cool cat to be villainous. Beyond that though, good cast. I like the arc Tony gets in this movie, being a very flippant and saracastic guy but goes through some events that reshape who he is, it's compelling and well executed stuff. But Jesus, Mary, and Joseph is this kinda dated. I mean they drop MySpace into the script. Can you guess what year this was filmed kiddos? And the whole war in Iraq thing while topical at the time, hasn't aged well for the movie. It is very much a product of 2008. Which was a big year for comic book movies, I mean The Dark Knight hit like a thermonuclear bomb and blew everybody away, and Iron Man was planting the acorn and watching the tree grow for a long running series of films. I have big issues with the Marvel Cinematic Universe, believe me I could rant about it for awhile but we're in early days right now so I can enjoy them as just neat little comic book movies. I just sorely miss those times when movies were just movies and they didn't have to be expansive events lasting dozens of movies building an all encompassing world. But regardless I think Iron Man is an okay movie, it's nothing fantastic and I have certainly seen worse in my day. 3 stars, a solid 7/10, and tomorrow we see the not so jolly green giant in his second theatrical film.