The Mandalorian & Grogu

We have never been more back!

To the uninitiated it has been a fat minute since new Star Wars has hit cinema screens, but to me it's just another Tuesday. But what did I think about the slightly basic titled The Mandalorian & Grogu? Now this might shock you but, I really loved it! Is it the most insanely awesome Star Wars movie I've ever seen? No, but the stakes feel appropriate for the jump from series to film even though it actually feels more in tune with season 1 Mandalorian while still keeping all the additions of the other seasons and even beyond the show in terms of time and lore. The plot while very centered on Din and Grogu going through links to capture imperial warlords gets a bit sidetracked with the gangster siblings of Jabba but it forms a coherent and even emotional tale that may not be the most dazzling pulse pounding grandiose story of say the main 9 saga films, but it works in it's own way. The main draw to the film really is the relationship and dynamic of Din and Grogu, no matter how many references and extended characters that us mega fans know by heart. And I hate to say it with every fibre of my being but I think they're setting up the eventual demise of Din, slowly and ever so slightly but it could happen sooner than later. Papa Pedro is committed as always and still really good but I can understand his possible thinking that he can't do this forever and it toys with that in the movie. Of course Grogu is still our sweet baby but shows remarkable capability and not only did he comprise my favorite scene of the entire movie but got me on the absolute cusp of shedding tears. A Star Wars movie has never quite hit me like this and it must be noted. Kind of an inverted duet with Sigourney Weaver and Jeremy Allen White, I thought we would see Rotta barely at all after a certain point and get more Colonel Ward but we stick with Rotta for a good bit and I gotta tell you man, never have I ever been so keen and down with a Hutt in my existence! He was rad as hell and not to mention the mind trip of seeing that little slug baby all grown up after the 2008 Clone Wars movie. Of course I'm a mark for Anzellans, Embo, dragon snakes, and Dejarik creatures so I was having a field day and every little nod and reference I caught was a treat. I think people kinda forget how deeply self referrential Star Wars truly is, I dare say it's at least half of the backbone of the entire franchise and the other half being combining so much culture and classic tales of fantasy and fiction to create something new. It's a very enjoyable fun movie that screams escapsim, with appropriately excellent special effects, a fantastic score by Ludwig Göransson that in my opinion eclipses the series soundtrack and stands toe to toe with the memorability of the John Williams score, a good bit of humor but never afraid to take it slow or serious, and makes me incredibly interested what could come of season four of the series. Just check your expectations at the door and have fun, it's a damn good time to be a Star Wars fan like every other day of the year and I'll be extremely happy to add this to the DVD shelf when that special day comes. This is indeed the way. 3.5 stars, 8.5/10, I'm a happy camper.

The Mandalorian: Season 3

One more week.

I am prefacing this now. I don't wanna hear it, this was a good season, take your tribalism us and them, flawless or shit, all or nothing attitude and bugger off. Kay? Kay. Mando, new season, huzzah! No spoilers this time around, we'll save that for a later time, but I feel this kinda had to go the way it went. This is kind of an odd comparison but roll with me it involves a bit of Star Wars. Once Star Wars was released in 1977 space movies got big again, coming out of the woodwork in fact, and EON Productions saw this and set their next James Bond film in space titled Moonraker with space stations, lazer guns, and earth destroying globes of a different size, but after that they knew they had to bring Bond (pardon the partial pun) back down to Earth with a more serious and very unflashy follow up with For Your Eyes Only. The exact same thing happened for The Mandalorian. It got too big for it's britches last season, so much happened, so many big names entered the chat to where it got a bit crazy! And the writers and creators knew they couldn't keep that same level so they brought it back down a notch. We still have a fairly important story with Din and Grogu setting out to essentially reclaim Mandalore, and as the show progresses we get more and more mandalorians to assist in the cause. That's pretty much the overarching plot, but the individual episodes feel slightly akin to season 1's episodes where each new episode is a new adventure. There's quite a few standalone episodes that still have some expansive information and events occuring but they're more in the background. I equate this season to a very Arthurian source, the mandos feel a lot like knights, ownership over the Excalibur style Darksaber is brought into question, a quest to reclaim a kingdom, it really fits that style while of course being the glorious space fantasy opera it always has been. Just to highlight some of my favorite episodes for you without divulging every episode's plot, episode 3 The Convert. Kind of a no brainer coming from me and my Imperial ties, even if I did have to watch turncoat traitors support the quite frankly inept New Republic. Like seriously I could bitch about the New Republic all day and compare it to Fritz Lang's Metropolis and George Lucas' THX 1138 in just how dystopian it functions especially with former Imperial officers, but we don't got time for that today. Seeing Doctor Pershing and Elia Kane (Hello there new crush.) again was really cool and the progression of that story just wowed me! Episode 6 Guns For Hire I actually really liked, kind of a side mission with Din and Bo but the fact I get Jack Black in Star Wars is completely mental and stunning and I love everything about it, didn't strike me until later but we got some Blade Runner influence in that episode so that bumped the score up a good fair bit, and I know...I know. The Darksaber thing. I know. Deep breath. Din is not a ruler, he is not a leader type. I viewed that situation as him willingly giving up the Darksaber to have a better future for his people and to reclaim Mandalore, a selfless and optimistic act so that his people can band together once more. I knew certain folk were gonna jump at the jugular over that dispute in episode 2, but it's fine trust me. It's okay, we're okay. And of course the essentially two part finale, wow. They still know how to deliver and wrap things up pretty nicely. Too much to talk about, too much to spoil, all I'm saying is I very much enjoyed this season. And from the ending it feels like, to use another analogy, like a bell curve. You start with season one and it slowly starts ascending up the curve, then season two goes even higher and hits the peak undoubtedly, then season 3 starts climbing down and by the end settles down again, so naturally season 4 I feel wholeheartedly is gonna be street level Star Wars again, a return to form. You know it's like poetry they rhyme, each stanza rhymes with the last. Now onto production technicals! Cast still brings their A-game, lot of love given to Katee Sackhoff this season and I am all there for it! Pedro Pascal still being the best poppa in the galaxy and there is a sure fire character progression for him from season to season, he is truly an honorable man. All our supporting cast including our celebrity cameos were wonderful of course, Carl Weathers, Emily Swallow, Katy O'Brian, Omid Abtahi, Paul Sun-Hyung Lee, Giancarlo Esposito, Jack Black, Lizzo, Christopher Lloyd, and of course Ahmed Best, absolutely fucking marvellous work and thank you for being part of my favorite galaxy. Stellar visuals as always from planet surfaces, to jetpack flying, to starships, to creature effects, it's all 100% pure, top shelf, chef's kiss, certified gold production and effects work. With so many new details and beautiful nods, it's a feast for hardcore Star Wars fans and still just as accesible and fun for newcomers. Another fine addition to our collection. And oh my God, there's so much Star Wars to talk about both this week and in the months to come. Lucasfilm pulled the crank and dropped a metric ton of new material on us April, and all I can say for the future is more! MORE!! Throw me in a Snoke tank and hook it up to my veins, I live for this shit. 4 stars, 8.5/10, and tomorrow we jump back into the FiloniVerse proper.

In Retrospect: The Book Of Boba Fett

I was debating on watching Boba or Visions, but I feel Boba has much more to discuss and this is penance for no May 4th stuff.

It's always important to rewatch stuff some time after, especially if you've had some notes on certain things. Thankfully the problems I had were very minimal, and more touched on the overarching television series "universe" if you will but all in all it's still pretty good. I still say the best parts for me was getting more Tusken culture in this, I found that section of the show some of the most interesting and engaging storytelling in Star Wars. I'll bring another point up near the end about this period but let's move on. Seeing Boba lay the foundations for his status as Daimyo of Mos Espa was interesting, again kinda what I gathered from the trailers that this was almost a crime drama set in Star Wars and I did notice some Godfather elements for sure. I think that's the part people kinda missed about this show is it's called The Book Of Boba Fett, and this is just chapter one I feel people look at this as only a one season show and there isn't any continuation. I feel there is plenty more ground this show can cover and will gladly settle in for a 2 to 3 year long wait for it to return. I mean Dave and Jon have so many plates spinning and I know I went on a tangent about the live action shows intersecting, but I also understood the reasoning behind it. The Mandalorian spearheaded this era, it's a flagship for all future series to travel in it's wake. I don't have a serious issue with Din having essentially an episode and a half just to catch us up on what's been going on. After all, Boba had many moments to himself in season 2 of Mando and it wouldn't surprise me if they balanced it out and gave us a whole episode of just Boba and Fennec in season 3, before going to Mandalore with daddy Mando and little Grogu. I took some grievance with Master Luke also being in this show, but let that not fool you I still loved it and while some may say it isn't entirely pivotal for this show I also couldn't agree to leaving it out because it does do some groundwork for what we'll see next. Hell it sets up a teeny bit of the Ahsoka series, and while we're on that subject just the tiniest little interaction with Ahsoka and Luke was nothing short of mindblowing, and that line man...it cut me deep. Regardless of whether or not something is succesful in terms of Star Wars it's never a waste or superflous, they give new material to expand on and tell more stories. There's always something new. For example, I knew from years of being too nerdy for my own good that Tatooine was once a water planet and you see that in this show during the Tusken portions and that is something I guarantee not everyone who has watched Star Wars knows. So adding things like Ahsoka, Cad Bane, friggin' jedi swordmaster Cin Drallig, among others is great for us old fans who have read the books, played the games, went the distance, it rewards us for knowing so much. Yet it works for new fans as well, because it introduces these new things and garners intrigue. So even if someone was like "Oh the Book Of Boba Fett was a giant pile of nothing, it just seemed like an unnecessary spinoff of Mandalorian" it still does something for this universe and these characters we've seen for some time. It progresses elements and shows something we haven't truly seen before. So I can truthfully let go of the small complaints, it's just entertainment at the end of the day and if we keep getting awesome moments and interesting stories, I just can't ask for more. They did such a good job, even with similar directors this felt like a different show doing it's own thing. Outstanding applause worthy usage of practical effects along with CG which dat look gud! The cast slips effortlessly into the parts, Temuera feels like he just got done filming Attack Of The Clones he just embodies that character, Ming-Na Wen good lord do not get me started I have a century to shout praises of this woman she is a queen, some people would say the Mods are not important characters and are there to make the plot progress but that's not to say the performances are at all forced. It just works in all aspects, nothing feels slapdash or forced, I don't have bewildering questions, I just can enjoy the ride. Not all things in this wonderful galaxy have to be the next groundbreaking peak level of Star Wars goodness. It's very good, the score I'd say remains an 8/10 but it sure is a stalwart strong 8/10. For sure worth a rewatch and discussion. And here we go for the end, what did I think of Kenobi? Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

The Book Of Boba Fett: Season 1

Here at last.

I actually have a fair bit to unpack here and not all of it is friendly but I do bring tidings of good news along with it. The Book Of Boba Fett is a solid series, when I saw the first bits of footage of it I immediately thought, crime drama in space, it had a sort of Godfather-esque tinge to it's Star Wars goodness so it had my attention. I really like how the story unfolds picking up not long after the stinger from season 2 of The Mandalorian with Boba and Fennec Shand slowly setting up their criminal empire from Jabba's stronghold, mixed with a compelling and awesome story of how Boba escaped the Sarlaac and gained the trust of a Tusken tribe. That is really damn good stuff, just seeing him learn their traditions and aiding them to where he's kind of a merit adoptive to their people could be a series all of it's own. And when we get to seeing him build his operations, recruit muscle and followers, even though it's more talky than actiony it never got boring because I was interested where the story was going and how it would end. And all the additions both new and recurring to give us fans that wow factor certainly don't hurt the score by any stretch and it was a marvel to behold at times. It's a show made with the same level of love and appreciation as The Mandalorian, and one I will patiently wait for a continuation. Now here's where I start burning bridges. I knew, for a fact beyond any unreasonable doubt, that people were going to shit on this show. I saw it in my mind's eye so clearly that even Master Yoda would commend my vision. Because it's not as amazing or jaw dropping as The Mandalorian even though they are two seperate shows with two seperate agendas, I knew reviewers were going to flood the YouTubes with titles such as, "Was The Book Of Boba Fett A FAILURE??" and I'm already seeing it saying the show is broken, bland, and boring. Get f***ed and f*** off my lawn. Because if it's not great, amazing, spectacular, showstopping, that means it's garbage right? That's how it goes these days and I am officially tired of it. And I will go one step even further beyond and say I have a bone to pick with The Mandalorian, now don't get me wrong my reviews and ratings still stand as the truth. I love that show, however I do not like how it kinda went back on it's sort of main story point. When The Mandalorian was gearing up the creators stated that it would be a Star Wars story from the street level, no galactic politics, no Jedi, no giant space battles, just a story about a simple man making his way through the galaxy. Which is what it did....at first. When we see Moff Gideon with the Darksaber that was the beginning of the end, and now it's gotten too big. Now do I have faith in Jon and Dave as to why they are introducing these big names for hardcore Star Wars fans? Yes I do. Do I understand The Mandalorian is the flagship show that opens the doors to all other shows in it's wake? Absolutely. But people are getting the wrong impression and standard with Boba Fett, they expect it to be a larger scale show with just as much Star Wars fan highlights as Mando's show, when in actuality it gets back to street level Star Wars but still dips it's toes into the large scale stuff. But I feel it's more reserved here and is more or less for the purposes of setting up season 3 of Mando, and I even understand why they wrote it the way they did. I do not have a problem with it. I do still however have problems with the fan community, and I will fully voice my thoughts on that at another point in time. Bottom line, it's a fine show. The story works and is interesting to watch, the effects are still on top form, the cast is excellent with love abound for the king Temuera and Ming-Na Wen the stunning queen, the fanservice is appreciated and gets me excited for future projects, and I do strongly recommend this show. I give it 3 stars, 8/10, and May needs to hurry the hell up.

In Retrospect: The Mandalorian (Season 2)

Mmm! It's a bit special.

I do not envy the people working on season 3, cause they did such a good job here. I know people will just shriek this season is nothing but fanwank and quite frankly you can get off my planet, because there is no way in all the circles of Hell itself that the creators and writers took these steps lightly. I mean this is the season with Bo Katan, Boba Fett, Ahsoka Tano, and Master Luke, you do not bring in such heavy hitters willy nilly and I find they did a good job incorporating each throughout the season. I mean yes I called Boba popping up, cause no one else in Star Wars has the sound of spurs when they walk, but I didn't know how they would handle him. Quite well is the answer. Temuera Morrison never lost his touch in the role of mandalorian bounty hunter, and they give him good action beats without overusing him. I'm beyond happy him and Rosario Dawson got to do these parts, because she lobbied hard for Ahsoka and did the character proud taking a more subdued but even more powerful iteration of a fan treasured character. You have to show a lot of tempered restraint with such characters, even though Ahsoka got an entire episode whereas Bo Katan got parts here and there it never once felt like it was there just to have that big gasp reaction from fans. Nor does it take anything whatsoever from Din Djarin's tale, searching for any answers he can about mandalorians, Jedi teachers, and the safety of his son. You can keep lying to yourself all day it makes little difference to me, but Grogu is his heir, his son, his reason for living. He shows in just one scene, where he takes the helmet off he would do anything for his kid and that he could not be more determined to get him back. It was striking, kinda powerful, and showed good emotional writing. And I will fully admit how they handled Grogu made sense as to where this season ended, you don't get a lot of cute baby moments like you did in the first season, granted he was still there but a more laxed focus was on him, gauging the audience for that moment. I noticed that about midway through the season but it didn't bother me. Yet I do fear somewhat for the third season, they took the kid out of the picture which could have been the most fan upsetting thing since whatever nonsense they were bitching about 5 minutes before, it took guts to remove a very big reason why people watch this show. And now I must speak on Gina. I am here without witness, without hope, without reward, devastated she isn't on the show anymore. I don't even fully know why, just something to do with a tweet, and frankly Twitter is the most toxic shit pit that is rivalling 4Chan in terms of f*** off and die horribly. I really have no idea why she isn't there anymore, and she was a solid reason for me to stick around. I digged the hell out of her character and knew she could be an ass kicking auntie for little Grogu, and my admiration and shameless crushing on Gina Carano didn't hurt at all either in that equation. So that's two big losses on this front in my eyes, of course I'll still watch the next season to see where the story and characters go from here because I do love the show, but that is like a strike and a half in my books for Disney. I was fine with 95% of the movies, besides small squabbles that quite honestly were nitpicks mostly, and really liked what they did and enjoyed it. But here, I'm not terribly happy about that. Will it affect my views on the show? Not much, but it would be nice to have her back. All that aside, the writers, directors (Love you Carl, you did great.), actors, and effects crews brought top form for this show, and it truly does deserve the love from fans. I still say to this day Star Wars is still my favorite thing in the world, in so many of it's different aspects and mediums, I love it and hold a lot of appreciation and respect for it. I'm happy it's still here and we're still getting cool new stuff from it. This is the way, and I have spoken.

In Retrospect: The Mandalorian (Season 1)

Never fails to impress.

Even after all this time and so many new things coming to Star Wars, The Mandalorian has not lost an ounce of it's charm, appeal, intrigue, or quality. It was kind of a trip to go back and that's really saying something considering it's only had two seasons but it just goes to show the testament this show has crafted over such a small stretch, and it does still raise questions even though we do have some of the answers. Why did Werner Herzog want the babay, and who is he besides "The Client"? How did Fennec Shand survive and how is she on good terms with the best bounty hunter in the galaxy? Who's that very pretty lady who wanted some hey hey with Pedro, and how was she such an excellent shot? I do not consider these contrivances or plot holes but it makes me want to know so much more about this world that Favreau and Filoni have made together. They do such a wonderful job introducing new characters that have familiar concepts behind them, and the cast hasn't been this well picked since the original trilogy. Pedro Pascal is quickly becoming a man after my own heart, I mean we are talking near Mads Mikkelsen levels here people. I'm so happy Carl Weathers got to expand upon this and wasn't just a small bit character in this series, cause he really is grand. Oh Gina, oh my dearest, I will come to you tomorrow and really say my piece. The attention to detail in the worlds, species, and tech is glorious giving us so much more tidbits in this universe. I just, ohh, it's muy bien. Magnifico. Wunderbar, he exclaimed with great relish. I almost am quite sad I never watched it weekly like I did with the second season cause I know it would have firmly grasped my attention and kept me guessing about what would happen next. Which is odd because like 90% of the episodes are pretty much singular adventures, you could almost watch it out of order and it would still work which is something I greatly admire with shows or hell even movies for that matter when you can just dip in and out but not lose the experience. I actually heard some people give good grief over that but I suppose it's greatly common nowadays in television that shows are neatly tied together with strong continuity. I say that because I watch nothing but old shit, I can't wait to review The Andy Griffith Show when I'm 87 and nobody will know what I'm talking about. Good times! But anywho, still just as great when I first saw it I may just say screw it and bump my rating up to a 9/10 cause why not it deserves that kind of love. This is the May, I mean the way. And if somebody could let me know when that disintegrator Nerf rifle hits, you'd be a darling.

The Mandalorian: Season 2

That certainly was a season. So....yeah. Season 2! Easily a better season than the last, I would say! I actually have to admit I like that the chapters are continuous and rightfully so since we follow up immediately with Mando and the Child as they search for not only other mandalorians but also Jedi to train the young baby, leading to quite an enormous series of events. Needless to say we meet with several familiar faces, and I'm arguing whether or not to divulge here so we might as well give the best of both worlds. Spoiler free, this series is excellent. The production values somehow look even better and the story goes in a satisfying and incredible direction. I love we get a bit more of the bond between the baby and his poppa, I think the adventures are paced incredibly well, the inclusions of further previously Legends material has nothing but love from me, this is a grand season. But...is this really a review? When it comes to something this immensely popular, am I changing anybody's mind when I say go watch it? Possibly, but most people who got hooked on the first season are of course gonna stick around for the second, and really when we talk about Star Wars here it's more of a discussion than a review. I don't have to tell you to go watch it because chances are you were there from the start, and great job on that! Usually I detest having to wait week after week for a show, and really only this and Gotham have made me watch a show weekly but yeah. So let's get into spoilers now. Loved the first episode, I thought the Krayt Dragon was more Tremors than actual reptile but I digged it, I liked the Jaws style climax, I kinda flipped when I saw the pearl, and Timothy Oliphant proves he can be a gunslinger in any genre. Second episode was good, but boy howdy was the baby a handful in this one, on a lighter note it was cool seeing those weird spiders from Rebels and it was a decent adventure. Episode three kicks off this season truly, seeing Bo Katan in live action was a great treat, and I always enjoy any episode with Imperial elements. Episode 4 was a great adventure, and as far as my knowledge goes this is the first thing I've seen directed by Carl Weathers and he did an outstanding job, giving that well shot action with my forever Star Wars beloved Cara Dune. Brilliant. Episode 5 was a bit dull, nothing seemed to happen except the fact that Ahsoka Tano was in live action and they name dropped motherf***ing Grand Admiral Thrawn, and I think I screamed like a ten year old girl at that little moment! Episode 6, what an appropriate episode title, glorious but a shocking end. Boba Fett and Darktroopers what more do you need or want, and directed by Robert Rodriguez?? Yes please, I'll take it all! You my have triggered me something fierce at the start of epsiode 7, but you gave me some triumphant and wholesome Imperial moments and for that you have my love forever. Final episode.....wow. I mean yikes. Will however say, because there never can be too much positivity in the world, I am willing to hedge my bets season three's viewership is gonna drop a bit. It's bullshit but you took away half if not 75% of the reason people watch the show, so it is possible to happen. I don't hate it in the slightest but others will. But then again, they have proved their salt at this point and can take big risks like that not just for the story but the experience of watching the show. And before I go I would like to go on the record once more, by laughing in the faces of the dipshits who said Star Wars was dead and I would further like to give them this holiday greeting, may the yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down. 4 stars, 9.5/10! There's so much more goodness to come out of Star Wars before I'm dead and buried, and I am here. I am waiting. See you next year everybody!

Iron Man 3

Oh thank the space gods this didn't suck.

I was severely dreading Iron Man 3 after the last debacle and from the word of mouth I heard over the years did not help, and while this is an okay comic book movie what elevated it for me is actually what they did with Tony Stark. It's been awhile since New York and Tony is a bit worse for wear, he has anxiety attacks, he has full blown PTSD, he's having the triple crisis, an identity crisis, a mid-life crisis, and an existential crisis all in one film. At several instances this reminded me of The Dark Knight Rises but also Knightfall, with this new villain The Mandarin creating propaganda, completely destroying Tony's home, Tony hides out for awhile and has to recouperate from his severe beating, he's struggling with the Iron Man persona not too deeply as say Bruce is about the cape and cowl, but this really was like that kind of story for Tony. I'll say this up front right now, if this was the last time we ever saw Iron Man I would be happy, cause it seems like he walks away from it all, he fixes his heart, ditches the arc reactor, all of the suits are destroyed, and he seems content to help the world without being a superhero. This is great stuff. Tony hasn't been the most deep character and has been pretty easy to read, but this movie gives him more stuff to work with and shows a pretty vulnerable side to this guy. It almost makes up for Iron Man 2. Almost. I know a lot of people threw a shit fit over The Mandarin but seeing as how I've never read a Marvel comic book in my life, he's just sort of there and Ben Kingsley is odd in this movie but an entertaining odd. Once again the villain is sort of blah, it's not even an interesting scheme, good lord Marvel villains suck. Say what you will about the DC movies but the performances and villains we get are memorable in some shape or form even if they aren't particularly good (looking at you Steppenwolf), but they are more often than not. I mean I know we're still early days with these movies but I can't name a villain off the top of my head except Red Skull and Loki, but I remember them more for the star power and not the script. I think we've made it to the other end of the spectrum with the effects though, before it was a lot of practical effects with CG used sparingly, now it's a lot of CG with practical effects used sparingly. To be honest the Iron Man suits have been on a downward spiral for me in terms of the mechanics, I'm not a big fan of the designs, they screwed War Hammer over to the point where I just shake my head and ask why, but the big part is how the suit comes on. I thought it was kinda cool with the first suits we saw, they were bulky but still high tech, then it turned into a briefcase, and then it turned into random pieces that fly into position. It's so dumb. I'm sure some people like it but the practicality and designs have become so ridiculous I can't stand it. "But it's comic book stuff Dude!" you might be saying, but comic books can be plenty fraking stupid and this is an ideal example. Thanks! I hate it. Oh and let's talk about the army of suits, I heard people bitch and moan that ooh the Knights Of Ren were just made to sell toys, motherf***er have you seen the action figure collector sets of ALL the Iron Man variant suits? That....that is made for toys! Urgh, moving on. At least the child actor isn't abysmal. But beyond the pretty good character progression with Tony, this is yet another average Marvel movie. I'm starting to wonder how it's gotten this far to be honest, the movies are either superflous and bad or good but mostly average, you think with this many people squeezing every drop out of Marvel's yarbles there would be some pretty great movies and characters but it's just okay so far. I'm not taking the piss out of this series to aggravate people or say, well DC is better you f***ing idiots, I mean you've seen me give compliments! You've seen me say good things about these movies, I'm being unbiased here and not much has leaped out at me as really good if not great save for a few actors and moments. I get Marvel movies are not for everyone, but to a comic book fan the scale has not been tipped in Marvel's favor for me but again we're nowhere near the end and there's plenty more to see. 3 stars, 6.5/10, Thor is coming back tomorrow so let's hope his sequel fairs better.

Iron Man 2

Well we started off strong at least.

Yeah Iron Man 2 is a definite dud for me. When the most enjoyment I got out of the film was just rocking out to AC/DC at the end credits, that's not a good sign. I'm sorry but Iron Man 2 had nothing going for me, it tries something that we have seen before but brings nothing new to it. Okay so we fast forward 6 months after Iron Man, Tony has been revelling in the glory of his superhero identity but is actually dying from the arc reactor he invented which at first makes another compelling story point, he's slowly being poisoned by the thing that saved his life. Tragic irony, or poetic justice? Now I understand you needed some drama because the villains are so underwhelming and meaningless, but they just sort of pull a solution out of their ass in a very bewildering way and he's all better. But anyway, Sam Rockwell and Mickey Rourke team up to take out Tony Stark and create their own cheap knockoff mech suits, and my sweet sainted grandmother are they weak. Sam Rockwell, God bless that man, is a f***ing annoying twat in this movie, let me tell you about dis guy he never shuts the f*** up and contributes zero to the plot, and I've seen Sam Rockwell take smaller parts and bring something great to them as we've seen in Jojo Rabbit so I do not blame him for even a microsecond for this character. Mickey Rourke plays a russian physicist who for some reason goes after Tony and tries to destroy his legacy(?) for reasons unknown, seriously his dad kicks the bucket and then he starts making this lightwhip electro thingy, and gets his ass kicked twice in under 3 minutes. What the hell was the plan for this movie screenwriters? Nothing happens in this movie! Tony and Pepper's relationship kinda grows, Rhodey gets recast because well stuff happens and to be honest I like this guy better than the one before and he gets a pretty nifty mech suit, we introduce Black Widow so at the very least we get some Scarlett Johansson who you can tell did a good chunk of her combat and I'm always game to see more of her. And....that's about it. I will at least thank the filmmakers for giving us real suits, and guess what? They actually look pretty great! So no more need to unnecessarily CG them cause you can do it right there in camera, and again the action scenes are brief and still use plenty of practical stunts so good job there. But the story is meaningless, and the character progression is so shallow it's meaningless. They even pull the fight my best friend in a serious dramatic fight, because they had nothing going for this, War Machine and Iron Man duke it out for really no reason other than, "Tony's being an asshole and I gotta get him under control.". It's astounding how little there is in this movie, it's not even a fun popcorn movie cause you don't get a lot of action, and I'm not complaining about that trust me but what was the goal here? Could you imagine if they just gave us a Black Widow movie in place of this one, just a solo Natasha Romanoff movie that firmly sets where she works in SHIELD, what she does, and how she got there? I wouldn't be complaining much! This is a definite skip for sure, 2 stars, 4.5/10. I swear on all that is good and wholesome in this world, Thor better pick it up cause if this is the start of a downward spiral, it is not gonna be pretty.

Iron Man

So it begins.

Yeah. I'm doing it. If only so I can get it out of my system. Believe it or not I actually have seen Iron Man quite a few times and even owned it on DVD back in 2008, long before I had any thought of such an expansive multi-connected series of movies. And for a beginning entry, I do say Iron Man ain't half bad. You know back in the day, I remember talking about this trailer in my music class of all things and nobody really had any idea what it was about, just that it was a Marvel character and it looked kinda cool. Oh how the times have changed, in just a bit over 10 years your average movie going person has come from who the hell is Iron Man to whoa, Iron Man is the shit! Can you believe that? The only Marvel characters I knew of, like ever, when I was a kid was The Hulk and Spider-Man and that was mainly due to the movies of Ang Lee and Sam Raimi with a dash of the 70s Hulk series with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno. And I thought the movie was okay back then and honestly my opinion hasn't changed much, it's not bad and genuinely has some good elements to it so here comes the dilemma with this series. Do I review the movies as standalone pictures or as part of a bigger universe? And the answer is as a lone movie. I like the story, Tony Stark is the head of a multi-billion dollar corporation specializing in weapons manufacturing and while in Afghanistan is ambushed by terrorists and held hostage for three months after having several pieces of shrapnel enter his heart. He's thankfully saved and quickly forms a plan of escaping his captors by creating a mechanized suit and pretty soon takes up the responsibility of regaining his company, stopping more weapons falling in the wrong hands, and kicks some ass while doing so. Get used to me bringing stuff like this up, but I got hardcore Batman vibes from this movie. Now is it possible Batman Begins had an effect on the story for this movie? Possibly! But Tony's dedication to a crusade of righting his company's wrongs and making sure no one is hurt by weapons of his own making just screamed Bruce Wayne at me, even though his teenage boy wiseass attitude makes him a unique and kinda fun character. Hell, Ms. Potts and Jarvis combined are Alfred, and Rhodey is simultaneously Jim Gordon and Robin so it really did strike me as familiar and accesible ground. I am slightly apprehensive about the special effects though in future films because...I hate the Iron Man suit being all CG. In fact, I absolutely looooove the original Iron Man suit, this total metal, clanky ass, crudely made shitbox looks way better than the red and gold suit. The fact they straight up made that full suit is amazing, it is friggin' real! It busts down doors, shoots fire, can take bullet storms, practical effects are an absolute highlight for me in this movie. But then here comes the fake CG bullshit, like not once do we see the red and gold suit as an actual costume which sucks majorly because I kinda like the design, there's a reason the color scheme is what it is, it's refined but still robotic and kinda bulky, it just has a good design. And I'm just scared the future movies are going to be roided up Prequel territory where, it's so dense every single image has so much going on, with the CG to the point where it's gonna just not hold my interest and look bad. Granted the characters are defined enough to where you have some sort of anchor in the real world and can identify with them, and I have to say the cast does admirable work. Though guys seriously? Jeff Bridges is your villain? Have you met that guy? I'm not saying he can't do it but he is way too much of a laidback cool cat to be villainous. Beyond that though, good cast. I like the arc Tony gets in this movie, being a very flippant and saracastic guy but goes through some events that reshape who he is, it's compelling and well executed stuff. But Jesus, Mary, and Joseph is this kinda dated. I mean they drop MySpace into the script. Can you guess what year this was filmed kiddos? And the whole war in Iraq thing while topical at the time, hasn't aged well for the movie. It is very much a product of 2008. Which was a big year for comic book movies, I mean The Dark Knight hit like a thermonuclear bomb and blew everybody away, and Iron Man was planting the acorn and watching the tree grow for a long running series of films. I have big issues with the Marvel Cinematic Universe, believe me I could rant about it for awhile but we're in early days right now so I can enjoy them as just neat little comic book movies. I just sorely miss those times when movies were just movies and they didn't have to be expansive events lasting dozens of movies building an all encompassing world. But regardless I think Iron Man is an okay movie, it's nothing fantastic and I have certainly seen worse in my day. 3 stars, a solid 7/10, and tomorrow we see the not so jolly green giant in his second theatrical film.

The Mandalorian

It's not The Baby Yoda Show, it's The Mandadlorian because best dad ever. You know in your heart it is!

So I finally watched The Mandalorian over the winter break and I must say I was very entertained but not surprised. To take such a more ground level view of Star Wars that we sort of got in Solo and Rogue One was a wise choice and the fact that each episode marks around 30 minutes, it can focus more on characters and world building and not overblown series arcing situations and battles. This is the show Star Wars fans need, and it sets a good step forward for Disney to make future series of the same caliber. When I first heard of a show focusing on a Mandalorian bounty hunter making his way through the galaxy, I was on board for the idea. Granted we don't get an awful lot of bounty hunting but I don't see that as a bad thing, I was expecting a Cowboy Bebop/Firefly dynamic to the bounty hunting but it goes it's own path and crafts something new. So Mando (yes I know he has a name but I like Mando) is collecting on bounties when he is tasked by our good friend Carl Weathers to bring in a special individual to an Imperial client with ties to a Moff, but once he sees those big bright eyes of the entity that bears no name but a strong similarity to Force users of the past says screw you guys this is my kid now, and he spends the rest of the series making allies, facing problems, and raising a small child at the young age of 50. I have no problem saying best dad, because honestly that is his kid and I'll be damned if he doesn't raise him! I will admit for some reason I kept thinking this series to be during the original trilogy but it takes place 6 years after the battle of Endor and the defeat of The Empire, but it works and is our first gateway into the 30 year gap before The Force Awakens. I think why this show struck so much with casual and hardcore fans is because of the characters and the worldbuilding. It brings several elements of the Expanded Universe into play, thanks to our golden boy Dave Filoni, but the way they introduce and handle each character makes you get attached to them quickly. Something I noticed especially is you can tell so much from a character simply by how they carry themselves, now obviously this comes into play with Mando heavily since Pedro Pascal never takes the helmet off so he has to work with body language and it says a lot about his past and who he is now. The casting is great, I mean it's always super nice to see Carl Weathers in anything, but then you bring in Gina Carano as an ex-Shock Trooper who it took me forever to remember where I saw her but yeah she's the second best part of Deadpool (the first and last part being Colossus)  and she really has a knack for playing supreme asskickers and let's be honest she is a friggin' queen, and I hope to see more of her in the future. We also get a strange but really nice addition with director Werner Herzog in a small role which is odd because you just don't see many acclaimed directors in even a supporting roll, and another director comes into the fray with Taika Waititi taking up the role of an IG assassin droid and best nanny ever which is pretty spectacular to behold, Nick Nolte is great as Kuill and has already cemented a legacy for himself. Plus with episode 6, you get more cameos than you can shake a stick at, I mean seriously it's crazy how many actors they squeezed in that. The production values are high, the cinematography and visual style is all great with a much more old west feel to it which I can appreciate a great deal, and the fact they use practical effects more often than not gets you brownie points and even the CG is done really well. There's a lot to love and appreciate actually through the whole series, whether it be characters, settings, action sequences, bits of lore thrown in from The Clone Wars series to the friggin' Holiday Special, they knew how to craft a show and lay the foundation for a strong first season. In fact I could only really say superficial bad things about the show, like why is the flamethrower the most useless weapon in Star Wars since R2's little taser thing, why are the Death Troopers not a more imposing threat, I don't see people up in arms over the green Mogwai as much as they are Rey. Does it hurt the show? Not at all. Does it really matter? No. There's no such thing as a perfect show or film, but the positives practically outweigh the negatives by a metric ton, and I am very interested to see what's next not only in the next season but the next show. I greatly enjoy this first season, I give it a solid four stars and a 8.5/10. This is well worth watching at least twice, and since the show clocks in at a little over 5 hours in 8 episodes you can easily knock it out over a weekend. Check it out if you haven't already and don't let the memes fool you, it's worth your time. I really hope we get the Kenobi series soon, and I will raze Lucasfilm to the ground with an orbital bombardment from a Star Destroyer if we don't get that Darth Bane series. But I hear tale The Clone Wars is slated to return in a month's time and I am endlessly happy over that. So until next time my friends, this is the way.

Elf: Part 2

Is the movie done yet?

So James Caan has a cunning plan to dispose of his son, uh I mean keep his son busy while he works. So he sends him down to the mail room. Okay. Why not. So he gets down there and mistakes bourbon for syrup, and proceeds to have a deep out of body conversation with one of the workers. Cause I guess bourbon makes you high as a kite. You know I tried bourbon once, it tasted like a bar of soap and it was the most horrible thing I ever drank. Speaking of which there's a magic potion that if you drink it you forget about this movie. It's called cyanide. Just screw it, you know. Why try? Why am I talking about this movie? Well cause I need to assassinate it that's why. But what do I care, my life is a lie. What was I talking about? Oh right, so Zooey kisses Buddy and I screamed at my television for a few seconds, I think I blacked out cause I opened my eyes and Peter Dinklage was standing before me (Peter Dinklage whyyyyy???). He's my hero in this movie, he's intelligent, knows what he needs and can do, and beats Buddy the elf. You know I never watched Game Of Thrones but if there's a scene where Peter Dinklage shanks somebody I wish he did the same to Buddy. So we have our big tiff between father and son, cue the mopey dopey sad times music, move along! I got stuff to do, I got places to be, I have dreams and aspirations but here I am. Talking about Elf. Ffffffun. James Caan then throws a pitch meeting, and I'd pay so much money to see Kathy Bates whack fools in the ankles with a sledgehammer right now, and the decision soon comes up: Actually do your job and not risk putting your family into poverty or help find the person you hated and knowed of for only a handful of days and reconcile with him? Yeah I'd wander around the streets of New York City aimlessly too in literal freezing temperatures. Plot twist, I wouldn't. So miracle of miracles, coincidence of coinkydinks, Santa crashes in Central Park and Buddy quickly finds him. I don't know how to feel about the fact that Santa was about to whack Buddy with a tire iron, and I don't mean hit I mean sleeping with the fishes kind of whack, but he quickly employs his help to find the engine for the sleigh. Cause apparently in this bullshit f***ery universe the reindeer don't fly due to a badass warlock named Winter, but simply on Christmas spirit so Buddy finds his dad and brother who just so happened to come across the engine minutes after Santa smashed down, well thank the baby Jesus for that, and they return the engine back to the sleigh before the Nazgul, I mean Central Park Rangers can get them. Seriously all I heard was the Ringwraith theme when they were on screen. Now that would be cool, "Give up the engine half-elf." "If you want it, come and claim it." , and then they stab him with a Morgul blade and they all lived happily ever after. PS. Shame on you movie for your clear and misleading factual information, for the Central Park Rangers never stepped in to the Simon and Garfunkel concert it was a peaceful and great event which you should definitely check out, and the little fact that it didn't happen in 1985! It happened in 1981! You had Wikipedia in 2003, use it! Got to move on, we're so close, oh my God we're so fricking close. So Daniel steals Santa's list to jumpstart some Christmas spirit, even though Santa himself says that Christmas spirit is about believing and not seeing, which is automatically proven wrong as he reads the list on live television news. At least Polar Express got it right. Oh sweet Christ on the cross I forgot about this, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. I could argue that for the next millenia, and while I do enjoy Zooey's singing in that earlier scene this is way too corny and schmultzy for me. I mean really? She stands on a horse carriage and sings Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town and everyone slowly joins in, not only in the crowd but everyone who is watching it on TV. Thanks, I hate it! But it works, hurrah, and Santa goes off to I guess deliver more toys with Buddy tagging along and leaving all those people most important to him to live on without him. Because that makes sense. And they never saw each other again, the end. Hey wait....they stole Santa's stuff! Yeah, Daniel steals the list, James Cann steals his coat and hat in the most feeble attempt at subterfuge in human history, and he never gets them back! That poor man is going to freeze to death in the winter air. Congratulations, you killed Christmas you f***ing utter disappointment. This is the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. It's worse than The Room, it's worse than Fifty Shades Of Grey, Transformers 2, Expendables 3, Battlefield Earth, and all the Twilight movies. Yes it has little touches here and there that I don't honestly mind and kind of like, but when you stack them up it's like a gnat's wing compared to an obelisk of garbage. The performances are fine, but the story and script is what makes this movie so heinously anus, it doesn't look all that nice, the attempts at comedy are nonexistent in my eyes, and it is god awful. It's one of the worst films I have ever had the displeasure of seeing, I never want to see this movie again for as long as I live. It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You get nothing! You lose! Goodnight! 1/10, half a star, if I could give less I would.

Elf: Part 1

Death is better. Death is at least a charming figure that I could have tea with. There is no such enjoyment in Elf.

I hated this movie! Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie! Hated it! Hated every simpering, stupid, vacant, intelligence-insulting moment of it! Where do I begin with this blight upon my life? You know...there was a time when I was young, innocent, and wholesome and I kind of liked Elf. But as time passed and I was subjected to endless viewings of it during the holiday season at school because there's clearly no Christmas classics at all, there is only Elf, screw A Miracle On 34th Street, screw Home Alone, screw Polar Express, screw A Christmas Story, or Die Hard, or It's A Wonderful Life. Actually f*** that movie. But my point is it got old, and it got old fast. This movie is over 15 years old and it has been haunting my holiday season for too long. I do not recommend this movie. I do not urge anybody to ever watch it. I do not feel happiness in my soul. I could end the review right here, but I'm really just getting started. The title seems like the most boring ass, unimaginative title in motion picture history. The Room is weird, but the movie mostly takes place in one room, it makes sense. Elf. Elf? I mean you only said the word 5,020 times in the course of 90 minutes so might as well call the movie that. I think there's actually a horror movie called Elves, I'd much rather watch that. Okay I seriously got to go through this movie point by point, beginning to end cause I just can't summarize how ungodly bad this movie is. Now I will be clear, I will not lie, I will not exaggerate, I will not even twist my words and simply tell you how I felt watching this movie. And here we go! I will say the opening credits are not a half bad recreation of the Rankin & Bass Rudolph special but the music couldn't be more bland and forgetful if it tried. We're told through the most superflous and unreliable narrator played by Bob Newhart (Just why Bob?) the story of a baby that lives in an orphanage and after Santa visits with weird creepy ass music playing. Pause. What is with this trend? Have you ever noticed in live action movies where Santa is an actual real figure and when he first appears the music gets all ominous and creepy? What the f*** is that? Shouldn't it be a joyous occasion that we see Santa Claus? Are you deliberately trying to scare children? This happens way too often and I'm sick of it. Resume. So the baby somehow breaks out of his crib and crawls into Santa's bag of toys and is never discovered or noticed until he crawls out of the damn thing when they're back in the North Pole. And instead of returning the baby, or Santa willingly and lovingly adopt him as the heir to the Claus legacy, he shoves it off on his slave labor who are happily brainwashed into endlessly working without compensation for him for several centuries, to raise the boy. They then give him a name found on the very diaper he wears which is Buddy, and so ensues a montage of Buddy growing up in the care of Bob Newhart until he becomes a fully grown Will Ferrell fresh from SNL. He's not a very good elf, and never questions why he's 4 times the size of every individual save for Santa and a snowman in this town, and I guess there's no color or festive decorations in the North Pole because every single building looks like the house from The friggin' Babadook. It's all cold and miserable gray. Because that is clearly what I think of when I think of where Santa lives. In fact the only color really is the elf's costumes, even outside it's just 90% white and I feel like I'm going blind while looking at it. Also I see you fake trees on your clearly plastic stands. You couldn't cover that shit up? Ugh, anyway. Pretty soon Buddy overhears someone spill the beans about his species and for some weird reason sets out on a mission to find his dad. Hwhat?? When did this happen? He finds out, freaks out, Bob tells him the backstory of how he came to be, then he starts talking to Santa about New York City and how his dad is on the naughty list which is just hammered home in case you didn't get it with James Caan turning down a nun for wanting books for apparently orphans. Why not just have him steal candy from a baby and kick a blind man's dog, I don't think we got the picture!! Urgh moving on, so I guess he's going to find his dad because he needs closure? He wants to meet him? Wants to redeem him perhaps? I have no clue. At this point I hit the alcohol but unfortunately I was almost out of milk so I only had four white russians. Anyway, so he meets the snowman from Rudolph who I have to admit doesn't do a bad impression of Burl Ives before leaving the North Pole. And I absolutely die of laughter when the little stop motion animals start crying when he leaves, I know that probably makes me Satan's most treasured follower or whatever but I don't care, it's hilarious! We're then treated to another montage that I'm sure you could start a drinking game for, trust me you'll need it, as Buddy makes his way to New York City. And instead of dying from exposure or contracting rabies from a trash panda, he makes it to the big city. I will also say the film doesn't have a bad soundtrack, oh not the Christmas songs those are still horrible, but just other music they use is quite nice really. Cue another montage of him wandering around New York City, got to pad that run time Johnny! At least he gets hit by a car, that kinda made me laugh. He soon finds his dad and how can I say this? Uncomfortable doesn't really cover the way I felt in these scenes, more like and I'm probably only going to say this once but I cringed quite a lot in this movie. It was very difficult for me to look at the screen for periods of time. No movie has ever done this. I could review Salo tomorrow and have an easier time watching that. What happens next? Uh, James Cann tells him to f*** off, he goes to Gimbels cause why not go sell out a department store like Miracle On 34th Street (The only part I didn't like about that movie.), he meets Zooey Deschanel (Why Zooey?) and acts like a weirdo that you should cross the street to avoid, stays up all night to decorate I guess a Christmas shop in preparation for "Santa", creeps on a girl singing in the shower (I hate the scene, but love the singing.), I encounter another cringey scene with his dad that makes me contemplate quitting reviews forever, and we finally meet "Santa". I legitimately feared for a child's life, this guy was psychotic and very aggressive. Kill this movie with fire. Buddy gets thrown in prison and somehow does not become a bottom bitch, and is picked up by Caan and gets a DNA test done. The results are in, in the case of 30 year old Buddy, you ARE the father! Will give credit to the little girl in the waiting room, she is adorable and I would die for her. I don't even care that she is in this movie, I'd guard her with my life. We soon meet James Caan's family with Mary Steenburgen as his wife (Mary whyy??) and Daniel Tay as his second son and he attempts to integrate with the family but with soul crushing failure and will have to wander the wilderness and die. Oh wait. That's my nature documentary script, sorry about that. They accept him cause of course they do. Even I was surprised at the goodness that was spaghetti and syrup though, like you get half a point just for that movie, even though how does he not get the diabeetus from all that crap? So what's the story at this point? Reconnect with a family he never knew and by the looks of it has barely began since Daniel Tay is like, nine in this movie. There's no plot or drama, there's nothing to be invested in, I'm just watching a grown man in tights bullshit about with no entertainment in sight. Great. Happy Christmas to me. Apparently Mayor Ebert from that asshat Roland Emmerich's Godzilla is in this movie, now that's a stamp of quality if I've ever seen one. Back to the story. So Buddy and Daniel lolligag about and I'm concerned no one's pointing out how strange it is that a grown man in an elf costume is with a young boy, so I guess bad touch goes on the list of things that don't exist in this movie. He asks Zooey out on a date and for reasons even the celestial beings don't know, she accepts. Montage! I can't remember how many pills I took at this point. Who's mucking with my fedicine??

Continued in part two.