Monday, March 11, 2019


This is going to be a rough week.

I tried. I really, really tried to put this off for a long time. I was hoping I could get about 10 years of reviews done before I have to do the Twilight but clearly life had different plans. I am going to be honest the movie wasn't as bad as I remembered, it's been close to 8 if not 9 years since I last saw this movie and I can really say it's the "best" of the series if I can classify it as that, it goes downhill fast after this movie but honestly the movie isn't roll in the aisle hilarious or face palming ridiculous or enraging. It's okay. It has issues here and there but truthfully it's the most tolerable movie of the lot. I don't even think I need to recall plot here, you know what this is about, Bella Swan the most pale chick from Arizona you will ever meet goes to Forks, Washington and lives her everyday average teenage life when she meets the mysterious and very mood swinging Edward Cullen and a relationship that will border on sociopathic in future films blossoms. And you know what I noticed in this movie? I think the films should have kinda done their own thing, stick kinda close to the books but ultimately do different things with it. I did read the books before I saw the movies cause I had to find out what the hell everybody was talking about, and the books are okay, they're not terrible or poorly written like a, ahem, other book series. I'm gonna be honest the relationship between Edward and Bella when they are friends is surprisingly likeable! They talk, make jokes, it's a nice beginning but gets swallowed up by this romance nonsense. If they spent practically two movies with them just being friends, kinda giving signs that they really like each other and near the end of the second movie they were a couple, I really wouldn't have much to bitch about! They work better as friends, they actually have stuff to talk about and do rather than be a couple and be the most boring thing I ever seen on the screen. And that's the big problem with Twilight, I cracked the code people! I figured it out! We need to believe the romance of these people and it happens way, way too fast. By the end of this movie Bella has totally made up her mind and is willing to sacrifice her friends and family to be a bloodsucking monster of the night and that her romance with Edward is one in a million and simply meant to be but you haven't earned that. They went on like 2 dates, she met his family, he took her to prom and that's kinda it. That is all it takes for you to love someone for all eternity as vampires?? No! Now if they treated it like a real romance and started off as friends, and they got to know each other, talk about what they like, do stuff together it could have been a much stronger romance, which is what they kinda do in the movie. In fact, if you just look at this movie as a girl meets a guy that she doesn't really get and like uncovers this mystery about him while being friends that he is in fact a vampire, and she is totally cool with that and still continues being friends with him...the movie is actually really not that bad. Hell they really play up the mystery of this town, you get told legends and get hints here and there about the truth of this guy so it really banks on the fact that you have no idea that Twilight involves vampires. So there's quite a bit that the movie does well but then it gets buried by melodrama bullshit in future movies. And there is some stuff I really like about the movie, though the movie has a very cold look and the colors seem a bit washed out, I like the locations whether indoors or outdoors in this town, the forests are very dark and misty kinda giving a classic horror movie vibe to it, I really dig the architecture of the Cullen home it's very modern and quite nice. I kinda like the casting, even in the case of Robert Pattinson yeah sure he gets a bit emo from time and the mood swings he has even gets Bella a bit aggitated but then there's scenes where he can crack a joke and it isn't painful or when he introduces Bella to his family he kinda gives this look of, okaaaay I'm gonna get Bella away from you weirdos because you're embarassing a little bit. Even though we have ever so slight warning signs like how he really likes watching Bella sleep. Mhm. He's fine. He's fine. It's fine. He's fine. This is fine. He's fine. There's no issues here. It's fine! But anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I may or may not have a crush on Alice played by Ashley Greene. Oh God, I've said too much. I may have gone too far in a few places. But uh, yeah, moving on. The rest of the Cullen family is nice, granted they don't have much to do but good actors regardless and they totally got Bella's back when shit goes down, so hey that's family for you. The vampire who takes a very unpleasant interest in Bella, James I'm not gonna lie is actually really friggin' creepy. Good job to Cam Gigandet, dude you did good. I would not feel safe just standing near this guy, so major props to the acting. Oh and the best actor to grace every movie, Billy Burke! My man. He's a joy to watch, he plays Bella's dad Charlie and though he has to put up with a lot in this series he's still kinda the best part of the movies. But my sweet Anna Kendrick nooooo!! Get out, there's still time, you are too good an actress for this series! You can do more than dumb valley girl, you were in Up In The Air! So that's kinda sad but it's nice to see her anyway. What else? The soundtrack is decent, actual score is a bit lackluster but the pop tracks aren't all terrible and it got Paramore more attention, by the way you should totally check out their albums they may be my favorite band and I am not apologizing for that. Ummmm, I think that's it. So it's not an abomination or blight upon cinematic history, it's an okay movie. It certainly could have been done better, like really from the hospital scene onwards I really started to hate Bella which frightens me more than anything that I'm gonna have to watch New Moon tomorrow. Oh Jesus, someone pray for me.

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