Troll 2

And people wonder why I never eat green stuff.

This movie is amazing. I have never had this much fun and howled in laughter at a movie in my entire life. Troll 2 is a cinematic icon, if you're a movie buff whether you're an aficianado on bad movies, or just absorb yourself in the culture of film you have heard of Troll 2. And I have to say, everything you have heard is true. The plot follows a family who go on vacation to a town called Nilbog and quickly discover the existence of goblins that turn humans into plants and eat them, forcing the family to try to escape with their lives from the tiny menace. Oh my God. Where do I start? Well some backstory is necessary so we can fully understand the gravity of the situation that is Troll 2. First, the title is a lie. Twice. It has nothing to do with the little known film called Troll and was slapped on the movie just to try to earn some modicrum of audience who maybe saw the first one. Second, and you're gonna love this twist, they are not trolls they are goblins. And I'll give you a thousand bucks if you can guess what GOBLIN is spelled backwards! Ohh this f***ing movie, it is a work of art. But continuing on with backstory, the reason why the dialogue is what it is, was because all of the crew, every person who was not on screen was italian. They did not speak a word of english, and barely knew how to write more than they spoke. The actors themselves wanted to ad-lib or bring more dialogue to the scenes but the director, Drake Floyd who I'm sure that is 1000% his name despite the fact that every other crew member has an italian name, denied it outright. And I'm not sure if the overacting/deadpan/what the hell style of speaking the dialogue was intentional or not but it must simply be seen to be believed. Not just the now infamous "OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD!" that has almost 7 million views on YouTube, no no no, it goes depper than that. Just see the movie. I implore you to see the movie. It is entertainment gold. I was laughing so crazily you'd think I escaped a psych ward and did a shit load of drugs, I was rolling it was so unbelievably hilarious! I mean what the hell do I even say about this movie? It's Troll 2. The acting is gut busting hilarious, the effects are cheap though I will admit they did get a reaction from me, not from execution so much but more from concept, okay fine it was only one effect that I liked. It didn't look good but the concept behind it made me just feel gross. I will say this, usually kids especially back in the day before say 2010 were a kiss of death for your movie but honestly the kid is the best actor in the movie. I love the performances especially from George Hardy who plays the dad, and Deborah Reed who is my shining star in this whole movie. Seriously she is incredible. It's over the top but I don't even care, she relishes in every microsecond of her performance and I cannot get enough of her. I love the fact that during production the director said she was too beautiful to play a creepy witch so they had to use extensive makeup to get her to look like a decrepid witch, and it's true she is, oh my Queen you are stunningly beautiful, I could even see it with the makeup on, I know I'm gushing over her but she is my favorite part of the whole movie and I am proud to know this was not a one and done movie for her. I have lost my damn mind, this movie was a blast, I am so thrilled to finally be able to say I have seen Troll 2. I loved it. 4 stars, please go check it out, you can watch it totally free if you Google it. Make some popcorn, watch it with friends or just as a single witness to the madness and have a ball.

I somehow doubt I'm going to enjoy tomorrow's movie. Next time, good old Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man.