WARNING! IMMENSE ANGER AND OBSCENITIES WILL BE FOUND HERE! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
This movie is such f***ing bullshit. I hate this! It is revolting! More? No thanks. ($5 to the people who got that reference.) I mean where do I start? Well spoilers full speed ahead, I am ruining this movie for you cause no one should see it! Ever!! Okay, so the movie takes an awesome concept like Transformers, two warring factions of sentient robots here on Earth, and posions it with unimaginable amounts of fecal matter. Hey, I got a great idea! Let's make a movie with the title of Transformers and make it all about boring, idiotic, and beyond stereotyped human characters! But not only that let's make the famous tagline "Robots in disguise" completely meaningless since they never hide. Ever. At least Captain Lennox is awesome. He's cool, I like him, very nice man. I refuse to go through the whole movie cause it's a miracle I watched it without causing harm to myself and others so cliffnote time! Autobots and Decepticons have travelled to Earth to find an all powerful relic of their planet Cybertron, and guess who holds the vital information? Shia LaBeouf. Kill me. I mean you want to talk horrible acting? Jesus Christ! Oh but wait, we also have Megan Fox who I still enjoy the fact no one calls her an actor. We know what she is here for, to be objectified by the camera and used for eye candy for all the teenage boys. And that is the target audience here! That or you know...idiots. But I digress. I wrote 5 PAGES of observations on this movie, 90% of which was negative. Don't worry I'll share it on my twitter after I post the review, an extra glimpse into my mind. I mean wow, even the action sucks and that's what we want to see! There is no fundamental level of storytelling, filmmaking, or likeability that this movie has. By the way, good guys win. Shocking I know. Oh, and Peter Cullen you are the man!! And you know what? I'm doing the other 2 movies today!! Why? Because I have better movies to review, like Logan which I know I am extremely late on, or that new comedy Rough Night with my Scarlett. Oh yes. So please don't watch this movie, for humanity's sake. Next review will be up in a few hours. Check out my twitter to see the notes I wrote @whatthedudesays. Keep praying for me, I really need it.
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