Expendables 4

There is no way in hell I'm spelling the title the same way as the poster.

Okay guys I gotta level with you, the only reason I saw this movie in theaters, or truthfully ever, is through pure spite of the last movie. Yes I still hold unbelievable hate for that movie and was hoping against hope that this one would redeem the series for me. Did it succeed? Welllll....no. Yes. Kinda. But not really. I'd take it over 3 but it only squeezed by like a notch, a gnat's wing. So story time, villain obtains detonators for nuclear weapon and wants to start World War 3 between America and Russia. Why? Because shut up I said so. Expendables get called in to sort the situation, action ensues. Fin. I never expect much in terms of story it's all about the action and spectacle, and while I can say it's handled with great economics in terms of settings and story, everything else is ehh. Acting is decent, I still say Dolph is the best part for me anyway. The action was actually okay, they brought the blood back, you get a good deal of fights throughout, and the choreography is pretty good. I know that special effects are just a tool, a means of telling a story but crikey this was harboring on PS3 graphics I mean it looked rough, some was decent but some ain't. I hate to say it but it doesn't feel much like a theatrical film, and hand over my heart it's not much of a rental either. And I was kinda giving it some points for the pre-title sequence, they have the balls to shoot a kid and kill off one of our big main characters but it very much gets hand waved away at the end and I did not like it one bit. Cause it seems to be moving forward, getting some new blood in, not afraid to kill off main characters, but it really doesn't do much in actuality. I know the point of The Expendables is a throwback to actionsploitation films of yesteryear, and I'm far from expecting cinematic revolution when seeing a new one, but you can live without this movie. I'd give it 1.5 stars, 5/10, and if I had to rank them in case this would be the last: 

1. Expendables 2, 2. The Expendables, 3. Expendables 4, 4. Expendables 3. 

I mean perhaps some people can get a bit out of it, but I wash my hands of this and am gearing up for a tiny comeback.

Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen

This movie is terrible. One of the worst I have ever seen. But the rage has left and all I feel is contempt and disdain.

Revenge Of The Comic Sidekicks oh sorry, I mean Fallen takes place 2 years after the first. But I assure you this movie is far more original than the first, it follows the Autobots and Decepticons as they search for an ancient relic from their homeworld of immense power whose location is only known to Shia Labeouf. Wait. Yep, it's the same movie only with a few more references to the original Transformers movie from the 80s. God I so am fed up with these movies. What is there to say? It sucks. The action is subpar, the comedy itself is a joke, the characters are insufferable, it's just so bad! There is less reason to watch this movie than the last! Okay, when the first movie hit, we didn't know. It was, oh cool a Transformers movie! And the movie wasn't horrible, it was adequate. No harm, no foul. Then the second one hit....like a slap in the genitals, and it sucked balls! It's such rubbish! 4 pages of notes this time! And we're still not done!! And I quite possibly despise the 3rd movie the most. We shall see. Hang out on my twitter to see my notes this time, not as good this time since the anger has faded but still interesting to read. Better than this shit!

Transformers (2007)

WARNING! IMMENSE ANGER AND OBSCENITIES WILL BE FOUND HERE! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

This movie is such f***ing bullshit. I hate this! It is revolting! More? No thanks. ($5 to the people who got that reference.) I mean where do I start? Well spoilers full speed ahead, I am ruining this movie for you cause no one should see it! Ever!! Okay, so the movie takes an awesome concept like Transformers, two warring factions of sentient robots here on Earth, and posions it with unimaginable amounts of fecal matter. Hey, I got a great idea! Let's make a movie with the title of Transformers and make it all about boring, idiotic, and beyond stereotyped human characters! But not only that let's make the famous tagline "Robots in disguise" completely meaningless since they never hide. Ever. At least Captain Lennox is awesome. He's cool, I like him, very nice man. I refuse to go through the whole movie cause it's a miracle I watched it without causing harm to myself and others so cliffnote time! Autobots and Decepticons have travelled to Earth to find an all powerful relic of their planet Cybertron, and guess who holds the vital information? Shia LaBeouf. Kill me. I mean you want to talk horrible acting? Jesus Christ! Oh but wait, we also have Megan Fox who I still enjoy the fact no one calls her an actor. We know what she is here for, to be objectified by the camera and used for eye candy for all the teenage boys. And that is the target audience here! That or you know...idiots. But I digress. I wrote 5 PAGES of observations on this movie, 90% of which was negative. Don't worry I'll share it on my twitter after I post the review, an extra glimpse into my mind. I mean wow, even the action sucks and that's what we want to see! There is no fundamental level of storytelling, filmmaking, or likeability that this movie has. By the way, good guys win. Shocking I know. Oh, and Peter Cullen you are the man!! And you know what? I'm doing the other 2 movies today!! Why? Because I have better movies to review, like Logan which I know I am extremely late on, or that new comedy Rough Night with my Scarlett. Oh yes. So please don't watch this movie, for humanity's sake. Next review will be up in a few hours. Check out my twitter to see the notes I wrote @whatthedudesays. Keep praying for me, I really need it.