Transformers The Last Knight

Farewell Michael Bay, you will not be missed.

Yeah supposedly this is his last Transformers movie, so how did he end it? I have no idea. It wasn't a piece of crap, it wasn't great. It was just okay, it was fine, so take from that what you will. You know what pissed me off though? I was fully expecting Unicron in this movie. You see this planet looking thing devour the moon, so I thought Unicron but no! It's Cybertron which doesn't make any sense cause it kinda got screwed over worse than Metropolis in Man Of Steel, but it's fine, it's coming to use some science bullcrap to reform the planet. Oh and nice job paying off the glimpse we had of evil Optimus Prime or Nemesis Prime as he calls himself (Awesome name though!) being in the movie for a grand total of maybe 10 minutes, 4 of which are him actually evil. That's not a bait and switch at all. But the movie made up for it with Anthony Hopkins, who is awesome. He was on screen quite a bit, and was no doubt the best part of the movie! All the other characters were kinda blah, even Marky Mark who isn't terrible but I do feel he was at his best in Age Of Extinction. Age of Extinction was the best in my opinion. You want to know my rankings of the live action Transformers movies, it goes like this: 1. Age Of Extinction, 2. The Last Knight, 3. Transformers, 4. Dark Of The Moon, 5. Revenge Of The Fallen. Bam there you go! Do I recommend this movie? No, not in theaters but when it hits home video it will be fine for a movie night. I'm so happy I am done with Transformers, I get to do other movies. So I am a happy camper! Until next week....

Transformers Age Of Extinction

What...the...flying ostriches? A GOOD Transformers movie directed by Michael Bay? I call foul.

How...the frak did this happen? Like, it was really good! I didn't hate the humans, I liked all the Autobots, the comedy was decent, the action was good, what is this?? Okay got to breathe. Take it slow. So the movie picks up 5 years after the last movie, we ditch the annoying characters and we meet up with Mark Wahlberg (Yeah I know his character has a name but you're going to call him Mark Wahlberg.) and the world has changed. The Autobots are hunted by the government, a corporation has created transformers and upgraded them, and this weird like bounty hunter transformer is helping the government in hunting down both Autobots and Decepticons. Whoa. And the bounty hunter guy is trying to almost terraform Earth in order to create new robots, and Prime rounds up all 4 Autobots who didn't bite the dust and all of them rock! We get this hardcore military guy voiced by John Goodman (Far out man.), we get a samurai, we got Bumblebee still, we get this gunslinger looking dude, and they all kick ass and need I say anything about Optimus? Well, one line kinda pissed off Peter Cullen and I highly agree with him, it just doesn't seem like Prime but I still enjoy watching him. And Megatron becomes Galvatron, and he does.....absolutely nothing. He barely fights, it's not his evil plan this movie, he's just kinda there. Hell even the bounty hunter guy doesn't really do much beyond the kinda, sorta, terraforming thing. And yet somehow, the movie is still good. All the human characters I like, well except for one but the snitch got what he deserved so no harm there. No forced comedy or just plain stupid attempts at getting laughs, when you laugh you really laugh. What the hell happened?! I mean I got to the point last week where I never wanted to talk about Transformers for the rest of my life, and yet this movie was good?? Did I jump dimensions again man? This is getting weird. I can't believe I'm saying this but, check this movie out! See if it's worth the decent rating I gave. Apparently The Last Knight is, well the last Transformers movie and it hits tomorrow so expect a review soon for it.

Transformers Dark At The Moon

You know what? I don't need to write a review. Someone way more talented and hilarious has made a video on Transformers 3, and pretty much said everything I have ever had to say abouth this movie. So guess what? I'm putting a link to that video! And watch his Transformers 2 video, that kicks ass. Dude even took notes while watching the movie, just like me. He's got this man. He's got this by the ass!!

So here's the link: https://youtu.be/-GMD7mCOXTM

That's all folks! See you tomorrow for a new movie!

Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen

This movie is terrible. One of the worst I have ever seen. But the rage has left and all I feel is contempt and disdain.

Revenge Of The Comic Sidekicks oh sorry, I mean Fallen takes place 2 years after the first. But I assure you this movie is far more original than the first, it follows the Autobots and Decepticons as they search for an ancient relic from their homeworld of immense power whose location is only known to Shia Labeouf. Wait. Yep, it's the same movie only with a few more references to the original Transformers movie from the 80s. God I so am fed up with these movies. What is there to say? It sucks. The action is subpar, the comedy itself is a joke, the characters are insufferable, it's just so bad! There is less reason to watch this movie than the last! Okay, when the first movie hit, we didn't know. It was, oh cool a Transformers movie! And the movie wasn't horrible, it was adequate. No harm, no foul. Then the second one hit....like a slap in the genitals, and it sucked balls! It's such rubbish! 4 pages of notes this time! And we're still not done!! And I quite possibly despise the 3rd movie the most. We shall see. Hang out on my twitter to see my notes this time, not as good this time since the anger has faded but still interesting to read. Better than this shit!

Transformers (2007)

WARNING! IMMENSE ANGER AND OBSCENITIES WILL BE FOUND HERE! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

This movie is such f***ing bullshit. I hate this! It is revolting! More? No thanks. ($5 to the people who got that reference.) I mean where do I start? Well spoilers full speed ahead, I am ruining this movie for you cause no one should see it! Ever!! Okay, so the movie takes an awesome concept like Transformers, two warring factions of sentient robots here on Earth, and posions it with unimaginable amounts of fecal matter. Hey, I got a great idea! Let's make a movie with the title of Transformers and make it all about boring, idiotic, and beyond stereotyped human characters! But not only that let's make the famous tagline "Robots in disguise" completely meaningless since they never hide. Ever. At least Captain Lennox is awesome. He's cool, I like him, very nice man. I refuse to go through the whole movie cause it's a miracle I watched it without causing harm to myself and others so cliffnote time! Autobots and Decepticons have travelled to Earth to find an all powerful relic of their planet Cybertron, and guess who holds the vital information? Shia LaBeouf. Kill me. I mean you want to talk horrible acting? Jesus Christ! Oh but wait, we also have Megan Fox who I still enjoy the fact no one calls her an actor. We know what she is here for, to be objectified by the camera and used for eye candy for all the teenage boys. And that is the target audience here! That or you know...idiots. But I digress. I wrote 5 PAGES of observations on this movie, 90% of which was negative. Don't worry I'll share it on my twitter after I post the review, an extra glimpse into my mind. I mean wow, even the action sucks and that's what we want to see! There is no fundamental level of storytelling, filmmaking, or likeability that this movie has. By the way, good guys win. Shocking I know. Oh, and Peter Cullen you are the man!! And you know what? I'm doing the other 2 movies today!! Why? Because I have better movies to review, like Logan which I know I am extremely late on, or that new comedy Rough Night with my Scarlett. Oh yes. So please don't watch this movie, for humanity's sake. Next review will be up in a few hours. Check out my twitter to see the notes I wrote @whatthedudesays. Keep praying for me, I really need it.