The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

I think it's mellowed over time.

Story time! I didn't start getting into Indiana Jones until after this movie came out but from all the contemporary word of mouth there was, you either despised it or liked it. Hell my mom tried to get me to watch it before any of the others and I just couldn't go for it yet, but I quickly loved the previous 3 movies and when I watched it the first go around it didn't strike me very much. I guess the line is drawn at do you think extraterrestrial life belongs in an Indiana Jones movie? My teenage self would say hell to the no, but nowadays I'm kinda on the fence. I mean it's Spielberg in conjunction with Lucas, they wanted to do a big throwback to film serials and adventure films of their youth in creating this character and you could argue the progression is sound, science fiction and alien movies were huge in the 1950s so they wanted to tip their hat to that genre as well, and I do feel Spielberg did fine work with all the elements here. So we basically follow Indy as he's being hounded by KGB agents where we meet his son Mutt Williams who enlists his help to find an old teacher and his mom as we piece together the puzzle, world hop, get into some action, and touch upon another religion albeit a less than common one. Now how they weave this story of the crystal skull for the most part works, bringing in conquistadors, the legend of El Dorado, and various bits of mesoamerican history I feel works well. You follow it, understand it, and can even be intrigued by it. It doesn't feel like an exposition dump and feels natural in this world, my only gripe is they introduce two crystal skulls and that can be a bit confusing because it just didn't need to be there and we only focus on one anyway. I don't really know why they chose to add another one in the mix for only one scene. My other more major gripe is I cannot grasp why the character of Mac even exists, he turns heel on Indy almost right from the word go but he doesn't contribute a goddamn thing and they keep yo-yoing between he's a double agent and he's actually a bastard helping the commies. Superflous. Fucking superflous. I'm not all that wild about our villains here either, I mean I get why, the time is 1957 and the movie actually does exceptional work setting you in that time frame! The cars (with a subtle nod to American Graffiti for the opening credits), the fashion, the Red Scare is rampant, all the details of the world help a lot, but I'm sorry the russian army doesn't have at all the menace and force of the natzis in any way whatsoever. But honestly those are my 3 main problems with this movie, I mean yeah sure it gets a little friggin' Looney Tunes and a bit too much CGI when they're in the Amazon jungle, but even then I kept my eyes peeled the whole movie to discern what they actually did and what was CG and I'm happy to report they did the majority of stuff for real! There may be a CG background but the sets are real, the stunts are real, it's not quite to the extent people would leave you to believe that it's very much a Star Wars prequels production. I've heard many a people say that Indiana Jones is too old, I heard it back then and I'm certainly damn well hearing it now but...no. He's not. Indy would adventure, preserve artifacts, and keep learning as much as he could until his last breath, that's why I'm not against The Dial Of Destiny. Harrison still fucking has it, he's great as always and this gives him a new angle when he learns he has a son. It's rock solid all the way through. It's nice to see Karen Allen back and I'm more curious as to what that will entail in the next movie with their relationship. Same goes for Mutt, is Shia LaBeouf gonna make an appearance? I felt he did okay here, I mean this was a point in time where he was a getting a huge push, remember Transformers came out the previous year, I'm not a fan but I'm not a hater either. Cate Blanchette, sorry hun I think you were way more intimidating even when you're just chilling in Lothlorien with your husband Celeborn, you did decent but I can't blame it on you. Poor John Hurt needed more material, I adore that actor but I feel he was more on the wasted potential side in this movie. But all the acting is good and serviceable so no major points deducted. Effects work again is primarily solid with a few bits that were off, but I'm just thrilled they did as much as they could in camera and I hope that tradition continues one last time. The story progression was good, I liked all the bits of history and trivia, even if I'm not fully on board with interdimemsional creatures. For a movie that got some bashing over the years, I think people are at the point where they can re-evaluate it and make peace with some grievances. Is it still at the bottom of the ranking list for me? Yeah, but I would not go so far as to say it is a bad movie. I give it 2.5 stars, 6.5/10. I really have zero clue as to how the next movie will go, cause I've seen young and old Harrison Ford, they made my sexy man an SS officer, and they tout this as Indy's last adventure. Can't wait until he gets blasted by missiles on an island saving his love and his child. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Nausicaa Of The Valley Of The Wind

For the earliest Studio Ghibli movie to my knowledge, this is a heck of a way to begin.

Nausicaa is a very good movie, a truly excellent beginning to a world renowned studio that really set the mark in terms of story, character, and overall quality for decades to come. Original to boot as well, taking place on a world slowly being infected by a poisonous forest our young Princess Nausicaa lives her life trying to save as many people as she can and is a pacifist. But trouble brews beyond the forest as several different warring kingdoms comes to her peaceful valley and Nausicaa tries to resolve the issues peacefully before her people are utterly destroyed. Now this is such an interesting movie from every conceivable aspect. The designs are incredible for this world, I like the fact that they have airplanes but the design is not so much based on birds but more insects because that's the primary source of life beyond people, that alone is fascinating to warrant lengthy discussions but there's so much more. There's tons of different design origins, I like how each kingdom has a look, one has medieval knights with guns and others look like sand nomads that's really cool! But I can safely say in such a weird fantasy world such as this our main character is what keeps us in the movie, you want to see her win, you want to see how she can overcome these odds, and no small part of that can be contributed to Alison Lohman she is absolutely fantastic! Some people again like San says she's whiny and cries at the drop of a hat, but you know as a woman that takes action as much as she does, always has a plan, is respected and treasured in her kingdom far more than anybody, I have to take those claims with a grain of salt. I would follow her until the end, into the very fires of Mordor itself, she's really fantastic! And her supporting cast adds a lot, it gets you involved and connected to this world. One of her close friends is a swordmaster played by Patrick 'The Professor' Stewart, how can you not like that?? And this guy, who is like this smarmy, slimy, underling to a queen of another kingdom may just be my favorite character! And of course he's voiced by Chris Sarandon, he was like born for such roles like this movie and The Princess Bride, everytime he was on screen my joy and love for this character grew and grew, he just friggin' cracked me up everytime! Shia LaBeouf is in this movie, and he ain't actually that bad, he does quite well in the movie. I mean really the movie can do no wrong, you get tidbits of the history of this world and it does help acclimate us and you don't even really mind because the movie doesn't need that much context. Everything is either explained or is recognizable to the viewer, so you're not lost and desperately trying to get any form of bearings. And with a movie about a princess that flies on a hang glider trying to save her kingdom from rage filled bugs and hostile weirdos in costumes, I can safely say good job!

Oh my God this took forever to find though, Studio Ghibli or perhaps Disney does not want you to rent this movie at all. They want all your money's, but through perseverance and sevral ibuprofen I did manage to find this on a anime website. You can find it easily too if you just ditch the new browsing options and go back to good old Internet Explorer. Because if life has taught me anything it's that older always has the edge over the new.

Transformers (2007)

WARNING! IMMENSE ANGER AND OBSCENITIES WILL BE FOUND HERE! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

This movie is such f***ing bullshit. I hate this! It is revolting! More? No thanks. ($5 to the people who got that reference.) I mean where do I start? Well spoilers full speed ahead, I am ruining this movie for you cause no one should see it! Ever!! Okay, so the movie takes an awesome concept like Transformers, two warring factions of sentient robots here on Earth, and posions it with unimaginable amounts of fecal matter. Hey, I got a great idea! Let's make a movie with the title of Transformers and make it all about boring, idiotic, and beyond stereotyped human characters! But not only that let's make the famous tagline "Robots in disguise" completely meaningless since they never hide. Ever. At least Captain Lennox is awesome. He's cool, I like him, very nice man. I refuse to go through the whole movie cause it's a miracle I watched it without causing harm to myself and others so cliffnote time! Autobots and Decepticons have travelled to Earth to find an all powerful relic of their planet Cybertron, and guess who holds the vital information? Shia LaBeouf. Kill me. I mean you want to talk horrible acting? Jesus Christ! Oh but wait, we also have Megan Fox who I still enjoy the fact no one calls her an actor. We know what she is here for, to be objectified by the camera and used for eye candy for all the teenage boys. And that is the target audience here! That or you know...idiots. But I digress. I wrote 5 PAGES of observations on this movie, 90% of which was negative. Don't worry I'll share it on my twitter after I post the review, an extra glimpse into my mind. I mean wow, even the action sucks and that's what we want to see! There is no fundamental level of storytelling, filmmaking, or likeability that this movie has. By the way, good guys win. Shocking I know. Oh, and Peter Cullen you are the man!! And you know what? I'm doing the other 2 movies today!! Why? Because I have better movies to review, like Logan which I know I am extremely late on, or that new comedy Rough Night with my Scarlett. Oh yes. So please don't watch this movie, for humanity's sake. Next review will be up in a few hours. Check out my twitter to see the notes I wrote @whatthedudesays. Keep praying for me, I really need it.