Godzilla: City On The Edge Of Battle

And all the title does is remind me of City On The Edge Of Forever, a pretty dang good Star Trek episode.

Well in this one they build the world a bit more but it's essentially the same movie. After waking up the big daddy of all Godzilla's, our heroes try desperately to create a new plan to defeat an even more overpowered and fearsome foe while also discovering more about their previous home. I think I'm getting used to the animation style cause it really didn't bug me that much and in some scenes looks downright excellent, I'm pretty sure I've come to the conclusion that Godzilla should have this animation style but not the humans, it just works better because he isn't a character that moves all that much! But in it's stead I'm split on the discovery of possible human descendants, that have a subterranean kingdom. Now I'm fine with a new twist on the twin fairies and Mothra, though you don't see her at all, but the intrigue quickly stops and their more often than not shall we say cryptic dialogue feels more like needless padding. This movie is almost 2 hours long and for a movie that has an almost identical plot to the last that was a bit over an hour and a half I fail to see why you couldn't trim this a bit. Now the new stuff that is introduced is interesting....on the page. A new subspecies is discovered and has ties to Mothra, it leads nowhere and becomes padding. The humans construct a Mechagodzilla, it spins off into a deus ex machina that doesn't even work. Now I got to go on a brief tiny smidge of a tangent here. These have been out for awhile, several years in fact, and not long after this hit on Netflix I heard about this films Mechagodzilla. As a city. Now that already is the stupidest ****ing thing I ever did hear, but the movie doesn't help with it's explanation. So let me get this straight, humans build a Mechagodzilla and on top of that a Mechagodzilla we never actually see....okay. It gets blowed up by Godzilla, then we fast forward 20,000 years where apparently it turns into the T-1000 because it's made of liquid metal, absorbs other creatures, and fashions a city and I guess just twiddles it's thumbs until humans turn back up. Whaaaaat?? My God that seems very haphazardly slapped together doesn't it? Oh and apparently they had to tease the next movie and talks about a greater evil from beyond the stars so Yuuzhan-Vong confirmed for the next movie I guess! And I gotta say though I of course take it with a grain of salt, the ratings for the next movie does not fill me hope for a saving finale. But we shall see.

Godzilla: Planet Of Monsters

Well that was different.

Not bad by any means but certainly a novel approach in many aspects to the Godzilla series. The first thing I gotta bring up is, this animation style is something I have a hard time putting my finger on. It's this weird pseudo-3D animation, like imagine if the CG Clone Wars series was animated like it was still 2D, this animation style is relatively new and the first instance I knew of it was the Tron Uprising show. It's stilted like it's drawn but looks nicer, it's such a mixed bag and I'm really not sure if it works regardless of subject material or context. But beyond that how's the movie? Well it might have the most futuristic and original story of the whole series and that's actually saying a lot, kaiju erupt across the world like in Pacific Rim and they royaly screw the Earth over to the point where the humans literally have to GTFO of the whole planet, they build this makeshift spacecraft so they can escape. 20 years pass but if Interstellar has taught us anything, time is a bit fluid in space so 20 years for them, is 20,000 years on Earth so our heroes must attempt to reclaim the world from the King Of The Monsters in his most powerful and monstrous form ever. Like seriously Final Wars and Shin Godzilla are absolute wimps compared to this Godzilla, he looks like it's really been over 20,000 years with his massive build, he looks like if a mountain aspired to be Godzilla or like a giant gnarled rainforest tree, dude looks seriously old and yet so powerful and it's pretty rad. There's not much in terms of story or character, but hey this is the basis for a series so they had to focus more on world building than intricate plots and complex characters, so I can totally understand it. But the characters aren't bad, more or less imagine if you will, if the buisnessman and politicians in older Godzilla movies were in their 20s and actually went out to fight. And granted our main character does have a serious rage boner vendetta aginst Godzilla but the reasoning is kinda weak, just oh he stole our world from us so I want to kick his ass. Good luck with that son.  So yeah, very different from our usual gaggle of various monsters, kaiju battles, and boring human scenes but they never go too far, it's still a Godzilla movie straight from Toho but with more creative and risk taking ideas. I do really think though the best part of the whole movie is the undeniable fact that Godzilla is a full fledged god of destruction, the way people talk about him, the way he is potrayed in both his design and incredible show of power really does solidify this hopeless, dread filled, absolute friggin' no win scenario for these people and it is great! It does bring to mind a certain quote or more a story from one J. Robert Oppenheimer when confronted with his own mass destructive creation, "....most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture the Bhagavad-Gita; Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince that he should do his duty and to impress him, takes on his multi-armed form and says 'Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.'". I suppose it was inevitable to think that.

Zilla (1998)

It does not deserve the "God" in the title! It does not!!

Why in God's name am I reviewing this movie? Well, I'm doing the Netflix Godzilla movies next week and screw it I'll tell you, I'm doing a whole month of bad movies in March so think of this as a prelude before the show truly begins! This movie suuuucks, and can you even believe this was how I was introduced to Godzilla? All because of this movie, back in either 1998 or 99 I got it on vhs and watched it a lot. Thankfully I have aged for the better and wiser. Which is about the only good thing I can say about this movie, but where do I start when there is so much fundamental wrongness and stupidity? First off, **** you Emmerich, you are probably the biggest reason why Godzilla is not that big here in the States, you completely assraped the character with a splintered broomstick and took no advice from Toho. They gave a list of do's and do not's to which the producers and director decided to wipe their ****ing ass with and throw it in our face!! I can sum up the movie in 7 words: BETRAYAL!!! BETRAYAL! BETRAYED ME! THIS MOVIE SUCKS!! But I'm only getting started. Already the film is off to a bullshit start trying to sell off the Bikini Atoll atomic bomb footage as atomic testing from France, and I'm not saying France probably has never used atomic energy but there's a difference okay? And this begins not only one of the most insulting movies I have ever seen in my life, but this weird fixation on France. I legitimately think this director could not flip off Japan harder if he tried, cause we get two scenes with any semblance of japanese...anything and it doesn't amount to really a thing. So we know there's a monster on the loose, it trashes this japanese fishing boat which then leads us to our main character Nick played by Matthew Broderick who is close to Marky Mark in The Happening levels of bad acting who is recruited to track the creature which takes us to New York City, ah the good ol' days where New York got trashed every other week before San Francisco started taking the poundings in recent years. There we meet more boring and idiot human characters, with one exception, I actually really like Hank Azaria as this cameraman Victor, he really is the shining star in this movie. He's a stand up guy, jokes a bit, really likable, and has to be the most ballsy cameraman ever, dude chases down a several story tall lizard on foot, I mean talk about dedicated to your work. But beyond him, the human scenes are a drag, and the monster scenes aren't that better. This is a checklist of how not to do a monster movie! First off, that is not Godzilla, that is a enlarged iguana with a chin that would make Superman envious, and is so not the king of the monsters we all know and love. I will now list all the reasons why. The design is terrible, it's an iguana not a dinosaur awoken by nuclear testing. He's kind of a (this is the only time I'm ever saying this in a review) pussy, he gets his claws cut up from tearing a ship apart, constantly runs away from the military, is killed by 12 missiles from fighter jets, and even roars like a bitch to be honest. Like really? Have you never seen a Godzilla movie? Why lie out of your filthy mouths and call it Godzilla if that is not either what you made or even wanted to make? Make it The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms, it makes waaaay more sense and there's not much to screw up. He lays eggs, like what the flying bat out of hell are you on man? There's so much to bitch about, if I ever make videos one day I will split it up and watch the whole movie with commentary and rants for your viewing pleasure. Cause there was hit after hit on my idiot radar I couldn't even believe it. The incompetence is staggering. Everything is wrong. They try to satirize Siskel and Ebert and it is the most pathetic, infantile, and impotent way I have ever seen any form of media try to make fun of something. The leaps in logical science made me bash my head against the wall, just listen to this and try to spot the fault in logic. So the monster is attacked and actually bleeds, Nick gathers a sample then for some weird ass reason grabs pregnancy tests from a mom and pop pharmacy, mixes the blood with some bullshit science...fluids, tests it and wa-bam! Monster is pregnant, and even he calls out the stupidity by stating that the tests would not work the same cause you know reptiles and humans are practically the same, I mean how can you possibly confuse the two you motherfu-

I took some pills. It's not working. There's science, pseudo-science, and wasting my time and brain cells. The filmmakers try to outdo Speilberg at every turn, at first not showing the monster in water like Jaws, then they rip off the velociraptors for the monster's babies complete with similar set pieces like Jurassic Park, they do that one shot in Jaws when the camera zooms in on Chief Brody when he's on the beach and the background zooms out simultaneously. This is so a product of the 90s, and an unoriginal product of the 90s at that. This is a cinematic sin that blighted the planet to the point where Toho bought the movie rights, renamed the monster to Zilla, had Zilla go out like the nobody it was in Godzilla Final Wars, and even slammed the movie in GMK. Several actors and filmmakers of the Godzilla series, and especially fans eviscerated this movie, and the worst part, the crown jewel of this titanic shit sandwhich, they had the sheer gall to dedicate the movie to Tomoyuki Tanaka the original producer of the 1954 and many other Godzilla movies who passed away a year before the movie premiered. And I would be amazed if he was not rolling in his grave after the premiere. I am not happy. At. ****ing. All. Never see this movie. I will gladly report on the Netflix original Godzilla movies next week but honestly from the bits I've heard about it I'm not holding that much hope. But we shall see.

Alita Battle Angel

Boy this is tough.

It is not bad, in fact Alita Battle Angel is a good movie but I think I finally know how all those people who read the book first feel. The book series if you have followed my Twitter, was on my reading list last week and it's really good stuff! Not for the younger folk, if anything be at least 18 if you read it but anywho, I never heard of this Alita but I heard a bit of the reputation and standing it has since it's inception in I believe 1986 or 87 in literally this month so I had to check it out. And the movie does mighty fine recounting the first volume of the story, of course with liberties taken but none of them are out of place or betrayal worthy, it all works very well. The special effects including Alita are done very, very well and fit the style of the book maybe not much the tone but to be honest the books series has a tone problem a little so we'll forgive that! I really like the casting, Rosa Salazar is damn good as Alita, and I don't care I like the big eyes they are very impressive, she gets the character she has her cute moments, her badass moments, her questions of who she is and where she's from, so it is hit after hit across the board with her. I thought the casting of Christoph Waltz as Alita's dad figure Ido wasn't bad but honestly I couldn't think of anyone else better for the part, and he really goes into dad mode a bit and I love it, so big thumbs up from me. If there was one thing I almost entirely dislike about the movie is the PG-13 rating, cause this series is not known for it's availability for everyone. I've never seen so many brains outside of the human skull so much in one work, ever. It's brutal in those books man! But it's more an adult story and a great one at that so it has my respect and love. Now granted I love the pure F-bomb used in the movie just like the good ol' days! But it doesn't like, work with the style of this story. It feels reigned back a bit. In the book, the city is absolute dumpster fire, like imagine Gotham but even worse and with cyberpunk architecture but with this movie it seems like a decent place minus the junkyard in the center of the city. Fine whatever, a new take on a old story. But there is a clear distinction between movie and source material. So if you haven't read the books, you're gonna dig the movie and if you have you can appreciate the movie for what it did. I think of this more the same way of Ghost In The Shell, a basic telling of the story with great visuals, basic characters, and an introduction for those who haven't travelled abroad in terms of entertainment from the land of the rising sun. Good movie, great series, no doubt going to buy both.

And that is all for today, but tune in tomorrow for more movie adventures.

What Men Want

I'm gonna be honest this movie has the worst posters I've ever seen for a movie. I mean there is nothing to them.

But aside from that little nitpick how was the actual movie? I liked it, it's fine, nothing great but nothing terrible either. Do not let the ratings on IMDB sway you, it has a 3.8 rating on there with the majority of users putting it as a 1 or a 2. No. ****ing Manos is a 1 or a 2, Alone In The Dark is a 1 or 2, not this movie! It's hilarious, the user reviews are either bottom of the barrel or 10s across the board, like really? I don't think they know how ratings work. The movie is a 6 or 7, it's average but nice. If you've seen the trailer you know the movie and, yeah it does fall into some cliches here and there but the movie is totally fine. If you wanna see it go see it. What I liked about it was the performances and not so much plot, and I'm pretty sure you would feel the same. Taraji as Ali is wonderful, I absolutely adore her and would see any movie specifically just to see her in it, she's funny and can do the drama and is gorgeous to boot, like seriously that woman deserves every bit of love and accomplishment she gets. I like Aldis Hodge as her boyfriend, I think they make a good couple and can get some laughs in with the romance. Josh Brener as her assistant Brandon is...marvellous, very funny and very loveable and really bounces off Taraji like a pro. But my absolute favorite character is Ali's dad played by Richard Roundtree, he has so much warmth, love, compassion, and wisdom, like we are talking Bridget's dad competition he is that outstanding and every scene with him in it is my favorite scene. The comedy is fine, my absolute favorite joke I dare not spoil just keep your eyes on the psychic's cards the first time round, and I gotta say most of my laughs came from Ali's 0% putting up with anybody, she has no problem cussing out anybody and it's beautiful. She will kick your ass and enjoy every minute of it, I mean talk about hardcore! So yeah, it's more the little things that I like than the comedy scenes or the story, the characters are what brings the enjoyment factor. Plus the soundtrack isn't too shabby either, it's pretty much hit after hit and even the slow more jazzy instrumental music is greatly appreciated, I mean I love that stuff to the moon and back. I mean if I was being completely objective I would just wait until it hits Redbox then rent it, not unless you are really interested to see it but it's a decent movie like I said so just remember to take opinions with a grain of salt. Cause they could be talking straight outta there ass! But not me. Would I lie....?

The Lego Movie 2

Damn.

The Lego Movie 2 is a fine movie, I really enjoyed it, and I do highly suggest you get out there and watch this movie! However. It's....not better than the first movie. But I really do like it! It's just when you pit it to the first movie it kinda sorta falls flat. Ow! Who threw that? I mean I look at it like this and I think you will agree. The Lego Movie is very much like the first Star Wars movie. No, no, no not that you silly bean! We're talking 1977 Star Wars. Before the movie came out, and while it was being made, nobody had any faith in this project, the trailers looked unremarkeable, nobody but the George Lucas had any faith and standing in the movie. Same for The Lego Movie, everyone thought it would be consumerist garbage doing nothing but selling you toys for over an hour and a half, nobody had faith in it, people just weren't biting. Then both movies hit theaters. Boom. People loved it! I love it, you love it! And...I really feel like they should have followed similarly. Like go for an Empire Strikes Back style and they do try to do that with mixed success, and even did a fake out ending when it got to a really dark place which I really hated. I know they can't do that, this is not grand epic storytelling, this is a comedy movie the whole family can enjoy. But that's nothing, that's nitpick stuff at best! How's the movie actually? Very good, the animation is still excellent and taking on a space theme with other newly created characters is wonderful to see. The humor is still great and made me laugh probably more than anybody else in the theater if I'm being embarassingly honest. The story again is basic and actually has a very nice and dare I even say life affirming message at the end, so you'd think I would give this movie a stellar review! 10/10, 4 stars, two thumbs way way up! Buuuuut! It kinda treads the same stuff, same jokes, same story material, yes there's plenty new but the stuff that I noticed didn't really do it for me. But you can love this movie just as much if not more than the first, and I will fully grant you that it took me several viewings of The Lego Movie for me to fully appreciate it, enjoy it, and love it so I have no problem seeing this movie again. But I'm telling you, if this movie gets nominated for Best Animated Feature and the first one didn't, I will be severely shocked. Not upset, but shocked. So I give it 3 stars, check it out. Go see it, let me know how much you enjoyed it, what they could improve, speculate over the next movie! Just have fun with it. And I will see you next week with a movie from another Hollywood heartthrob of mine.

In Retrospect: The Grinch

Still pretty dang good but I do have more things to say.

I still love the way they handled the story, it's not entirely How The Grinch Stole Christmas, it's a loose adaptation that covers it but still does it's own thing. It's great seeing the animation style of Illumination in a winter setting, they take full adavantage of landscape, color, and Christmas imagery and they do it mighty well especially with the brief quiet atmospheric shots. Not to say the movie is constantly moving, joking, and action, it takes time for slow moments and to focus on a character and how they are feeling which is greatly appreciated. I think the biggest part of the movie that I liked was the characters! And boy howdy did I have a serious issue concerning these characters, not because of the movie but more the reaction of the movie. Oh they ruined the Grinch, they made him less hateful and more relateable, they made his backstory sympathetic, blah blah blah! So? Get over yourself. Yeah they make him a bit modern but let me counterpoint this. "Well they made the Grinch less mean and made him more relateable!" And? You got 3 different versions of the character, you can move on I assure you. So what if he actually likes his dog? He's a dog person!! He can't exactly be all bad if he has a dog! And I think of it more in this movie as a Pinky & The Brain relationship, yeah he gets annoyed at Max and is still a grump but there's still that spark of love in some form. If Brain can shed tears over Pinky then the Grinch cannot be a total jerk to his dog. "Well they made his backstory sad and even relateable which goes against his character!" Yeah because the Jim Carrey version in NO WAY made his backstory sad and even a bit relateable and on top of that was a real poor reason why he hates Christmas but no please continue this symposium of the betrayal of a beloved literary character because this movie is where all the issues really come from!!

I'm gonna take a minute, that actually really pissed me off, that was pure anger. Just let me compose myself.

Ahem. But no seriously this movie really ruined the character above all other things because why would we like something new you fu-

Okay. I'm cool, I'm fine. I just get a little peeved when people can't accept a new take of a character that isn't....all...that...bad. Breathe. Breathe.

He's not a bad character! He's more of a non-social character and actually I do like the fact they did another Grinch special based around Halloween because it showed his love for Halloween and contempt for Christmas which is something I identify with completely, but there's nothing wrong with his characterization. It works for the movie, it's more about the redemption of the character than the character himself, like Scrooge you see him as a crumudgeon then you see the transition to a cheery fellow. And they did it very well. And I swear, and I'm just gonna say this, this is the best Cindy Lou we have ever got, I mean when you compare personality to just....a young girl, and an albeit good natured girl who's the only decent person in an entire town, this one really comes out on top. In fact all the kids are nice, and I am not a fan of kids in any fashion real life or media. So good job on all the characters, great job on the animation, the comedy was sort of for lack of a better word Tex Avery to me with chase scenes, humor straight out of a Roadrunner cartoon, and few jokes that made me roll my eyes and groan that will be dated in 5 years time. But honestly that's the most bad thing I can say about this movie, 2 gags aren't going to age well. They did something new yet familiar, and tried and succeeded in making a good movie. So...ffffffffffinally we get to see The Lego Movie 2 this Friday and I'm very excited about that. If you wonder why I'm only doing 2 reviews this week I got a reason, may not be a good reason but it's a reason which I will post on my Twitter tomorrow. You don't need to follow me, I never really post....anything on social media but if you really need to know, tune in!