Ferris Bueller's Day Off

I know, I can't believe I haven't reviewed this either.

It only took...about 6 years to review this movie but I've watched it for probably about a decade now. And I know why there is a fanbase for this movie and why so many gravitate toward it and say it's right up there with The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles. Now obviously John Hughes directed them all but it just goes to show how in tune he was with kids at that time in the world. Okay so the plot is so well known I shouldn't have to recap but what the hell. Ferris is trying to weasel his way out of attending a day at school, for seemingly no reason though there actually is an occasion that would warrant it later in the film, as the film chronicles his adventures in trying not to get caught and enjoy his day. I think I know now why my mom was never fooled by my attempts to stay home "sick", cause no doubt she pulled the same tricks Ferris did even before the movie came out. That's why everyone holds it so highly, it could be argued this is the most relatable character from a John Hughes film and that's really amazing considering his catalogue. Casting could not have been better, it's one of those films where you just couldn't imagine anyone else in the roles of say Cameron, or Rooney, or Jeanie. It's that tightly knit! I know a lot of people say this is Broderick's best performance still and I am in that camp, he just pulls it off without even seeming like acting. And of course there's tons of location shots in Chicago, giving the city a lot of love and I would totally get my ass up there just to experience it on my own. The comedy might also be the most prevalent in any John Hughes movie with the only competition in my mind being Weird Science which is still my absolute favorite of all his movies. It's one of the most simultaneously laid back stories yet incredibly engaging at the same time, and there's no doubt I'll be watching it from time to time until my dying day. It's a classic for a reason, 4 stars, 7.5/10 from me. But I'm saving the greatest for last this week.

The Cable Guy

This was the one man.

Can you believe that? This movie above all others was the one that nearly tanked Jim Carrey's career and nearly also Ben Stiller's directing career. It's really not that bad! I really and truly wish I could have seen this as a kid just to see if I would have loved it or not, because I have seen movies where Jim is an absurd funny man but also an actor that can do other things beyond comedy. Obviously The Truman Show comes to mind, but I saw him do a romance movie with still plenty of comedy in Yes Man, so how would this have stacked up for me? Cause for a lot of people back then, they did not like it. At all. Why is Jim Carrey weird? Why is he creepy and awkward? He's not being himself on camera. And on one hand I can see why they thought that, his catalogue of films were very similar in tone and this pushed it somewhere far out and weird, but on the other hand and this is the bad part folks, human beings are creatures of habit and we don't like things that are different. To see Jim Carrey play a cable guy that stalks/befriends a client played by Matthew Broderick, and just be a socially awkward, over the top, and kinda weird dude (which to be perfectly honest ain't much different from his other roles) threw people off. Now I personally very much enjoy this film, and I don't think I have ever said this in a review before but this movie, for lack of a better term, was ahead of it's time. How many people do you know nowadays that are like Jim Carrey in this movie? The person who is socially weird, is obsessed with old TV shows, has an odd sense of humor that only he gets, and is generally an absurd personality. Now think about how many people you knew who were like that either when you were a kid or living in the 80s or 90s. To be fair, Jim Carrey is a riot in this movie for me, I was laughing a lot and I'm not sure what this says about me as a person but I identify with this guy. I was babysitted by television, I do quote countless shows and movies just on a whim, I am a bit socially awkward granted not to this extent, but I really understood what character the writer and director was going for and watched Jim bring it to life. Matthew Broderick is a good lead, I'm always happy to see Leslie Mann in friggin' anything because that woman is an absolute treasure, Jack Black has a kinda fun role, and the supporting cast through different scenes do good work. The comedy was on a roll for me, I probably laughed more at this movie than any others this week! Hell the movie was ahead of it's time by flat out calling how the future was going to be, usually in movies or shows when people talk about or show the future they are way off, not this movie! Jim has a bit of dialogue where he talks about how television, computers, and phones will work hand in hand with the ability to watch two things at the same time, that you can do your shopping at home, and you can play Mortal Kombat with a friend halfway across the world. Damn. If that ain't serendipitous, I don't know what is. Honestly if this movie got a modern retelling, it probably would get recieved well and have a good run in theaters and on video. Jim Carrey is a versatile actor and not just in a comedy sense, which is what really aggravates the living daylights out of me because people just wanted the same shit. They wanted more dumb fun, goofy, wild haired comedy and wasn't willing to see an actor try something similar but different, cause God forbid an actor wants to break from a certain role and do something totally different and show they have further and better acting talents. Now you may be saying "Well Dude why are you so upset in this instance?", well because Jim's other movies worked! Truman Show was funny but could pull off strong drama with good characters and a great setup and got almost glowing reviews and audiences loved it, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind was way darker than this and won an Academy Award and is regarded as some of his best work. So I urge and beg people to watch this movie again and re-evaluate it, which is why I said I wish I watched it when I was younger. Would I have had the same reaction? Would it have scared me when I see Jim Carrey with glowing green eyes (Probably yes, but let's not dwell on that.)? Would I have adored it just as much as The Mask and Ace Ventura? I'll never know. But damn it, I think this is a really good movie, 4 stars, 8/10! It is well worth the time and money and I seriously hope it gets a bigger cult following and more appreciation.

Ladyhawke

Ah, that hit the spot.

I'm so happy I saw this movie again, and I haven't seen it in years. The first time I saw it was in my english class in high school of all places. Why? I have no idea. And I never saw a fantasy movie like this before or even after, the story is simple but still has a lot of heart and adventuring, the soundtrack is all kinds of funky cool, the film is so unashamedly 80s and I wouldn't want it any other way. Our story follows a young thief Gaston played by Matthew Broderick, who escapes a prison before meeting a mysterious knight Naverre played by Rutger Hauer who requires his assistance to settle an old score. We slowly learn more about Naverre and the hawk who always accompanies him, which is revealed that a curse was placed upon the two of them. By day Naverre is a man, and by night he is a wolf while the hawk named Isabeau transforms into a beautiful woman by nightfall. I really like how it's not a straight up Beauty & The Beast story, that both these lovers are cursed and the tragedy ensues from the fact they can never truly see each other face to face. That is a brilliant idea that I haven't seen since! I fully can say this is a fantasy love story, yet another rare thing in this world and I do mean proper fantasy because it's based in medieval times. I greatly appreciate the romance it builds, they just don't talk about how much one loves the other, but you can see it in their actions and hear it in their voices and you want to see them have a happy resolution. The movie looks great with good portions being filmed in Italy and it looks excellent, with several real life castles being used, and very moody and atmospheric sets. All the actors are committed and give great performances, Matthew Broderick is a very fun and endearing thief with some great chemistry with our other main leads, Michelle Pfeifer though she has little on screen time as a human doesn't waste a second of it giving a lovely and sweet performance, and last but absolutely not least we have Rutger Hauer. I was very shocked and saddened to hear of his passing and it was truly wonderful to see him again, he outshines everyone with a performance that has mystery, tragedy, and a sense of humanity, his character has a lot to enjoy with a sense of humor, great brawn, and charm unparalleled. He almost seems like a D&D character come to the big screen and if I ever truly created a character I would base it on him. He has two scenes that really hit me, in one you can truly see and feel his heart be crushed in anguish, and in another he shows compassion and understanding. I know everyone points to Blade Runner for his acting talents and granted he is beyond spectacular in that movie, but I mean really if you watch him in any movie and you love him. It was great to see him in a hero role which he honestly got by pure luck and I'm happy he did. This was great fun to watch and I really enjoyed it so much more than the first time around. I know I would have just loved this movie when I was young, fantasy movies have always been my thing especially along with science fiction movies, and I've heard lots of stories about people who have been watching this movie since they were kids and still enjoy it. So you bet I give a huge recommendation for this movie, it hits that 80s fantasy adventure just right with brief but good comedy, swordfights, and even a very good love story. It may not be one of the greatest fantasy movies to some but I'll always appreciate and love it.

Zilla (1998)

It does not deserve the "God" in the title! It does not!!

Why in God's name am I reviewing this movie? Well, I'm doing the Netflix Godzilla movies next week and screw it I'll tell you, I'm doing a whole month of bad movies in March so think of this as a prelude before the show truly begins! This movie suuuucks, and can you even believe this was how I was introduced to Godzilla? All because of this movie, back in either 1998 or 99 I got it on vhs and watched it a lot. Thankfully I have aged for the better and wiser. Which is about the only good thing I can say about this movie, but where do I start when there is so much fundamental wrongness and stupidity? First off, **** you Emmerich, you are probably the biggest reason why Godzilla is not that big here in the States, you completely assraped the character with a splintered broomstick and took no advice from Toho. They gave a list of do's and do not's to which the producers and director decided to wipe their ****ing ass with and throw it in our face!! I can sum up the movie in 7 words: BETRAYAL!!! BETRAYAL! BETRAYED ME! THIS MOVIE SUCKS!! But I'm only getting started. Already the film is off to a bullshit start trying to sell off the Bikini Atoll atomic bomb footage as atomic testing from France, and I'm not saying France probably has never used atomic energy but there's a difference okay? And this begins not only one of the most insulting movies I have ever seen in my life, but this weird fixation on France. I legitimately think this director could not flip off Japan harder if he tried, cause we get two scenes with any semblance of japanese...anything and it doesn't amount to really a thing. So we know there's a monster on the loose, it trashes this japanese fishing boat which then leads us to our main character Nick played by Matthew Broderick who is close to Marky Mark in The Happening levels of bad acting who is recruited to track the creature which takes us to New York City, ah the good ol' days where New York got trashed every other week before San Francisco started taking the poundings in recent years. There we meet more boring and idiot human characters, with one exception, I actually really like Hank Azaria as this cameraman Victor, he really is the shining star in this movie. He's a stand up guy, jokes a bit, really likable, and has to be the most ballsy cameraman ever, dude chases down a several story tall lizard on foot, I mean talk about dedicated to your work. But beyond him, the human scenes are a drag, and the monster scenes aren't that better. This is a checklist of how not to do a monster movie! First off, that is not Godzilla, that is a enlarged iguana with a chin that would make Superman envious, and is so not the king of the monsters we all know and love. I will now list all the reasons why. The design is terrible, it's an iguana not a dinosaur awoken by nuclear testing. He's kind of a (this is the only time I'm ever saying this in a review) pussy, he gets his claws cut up from tearing a ship apart, constantly runs away from the military, is killed by 12 missiles from fighter jets, and even roars like a bitch to be honest. Like really? Have you never seen a Godzilla movie? Why lie out of your filthy mouths and call it Godzilla if that is not either what you made or even wanted to make? Make it The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms, it makes waaaay more sense and there's not much to screw up. He lays eggs, like what the flying bat out of hell are you on man? There's so much to bitch about, if I ever make videos one day I will split it up and watch the whole movie with commentary and rants for your viewing pleasure. Cause there was hit after hit on my idiot radar I couldn't even believe it. The incompetence is staggering. Everything is wrong. They try to satirize Siskel and Ebert and it is the most pathetic, infantile, and impotent way I have ever seen any form of media try to make fun of something. The leaps in logical science made me bash my head against the wall, just listen to this and try to spot the fault in logic. So the monster is attacked and actually bleeds, Nick gathers a sample then for some weird ass reason grabs pregnancy tests from a mom and pop pharmacy, mixes the blood with some bullshit science...fluids, tests it and wa-bam! Monster is pregnant, and even he calls out the stupidity by stating that the tests would not work the same cause you know reptiles and humans are practically the same, I mean how can you possibly confuse the two you motherfu-

I took some pills. It's not working. There's science, pseudo-science, and wasting my time and brain cells. The filmmakers try to outdo Speilberg at every turn, at first not showing the monster in water like Jaws, then they rip off the velociraptors for the monster's babies complete with similar set pieces like Jurassic Park, they do that one shot in Jaws when the camera zooms in on Chief Brody when he's on the beach and the background zooms out simultaneously. This is so a product of the 90s, and an unoriginal product of the 90s at that. This is a cinematic sin that blighted the planet to the point where Toho bought the movie rights, renamed the monster to Zilla, had Zilla go out like the nobody it was in Godzilla Final Wars, and even slammed the movie in GMK. Several actors and filmmakers of the Godzilla series, and especially fans eviscerated this movie, and the worst part, the crown jewel of this titanic shit sandwhich, they had the sheer gall to dedicate the movie to Tomoyuki Tanaka the original producer of the 1954 and many other Godzilla movies who passed away a year before the movie premiered. And I would be amazed if he was not rolling in his grave after the premiere. I am not happy. At. ****ing. All. Never see this movie. I will gladly report on the Netflix original Godzilla movies next week but honestly from the bits I've heard about it I'm not holding that much hope. But we shall see.