The Mandalorian & Grogu

We have never been more back!

To the uninitiated it has been a fat minute since new Star Wars has hit cinema screens, but to me it's just another Tuesday. But what did I think about the slightly basic titled The Mandalorian & Grogu? Now this might shock you but, I really loved it! Is it the most insanely awesome Star Wars movie I've ever seen? No, but the stakes feel appropriate for the jump from series to film even though it actually feels more in tune with season 1 Mandalorian while still keeping all the additions of the other seasons and even beyond the show in terms of time and lore. The plot while very centered on Din and Grogu going through links to capture imperial warlords gets a bit sidetracked with the gangster siblings of Jabba but it forms a coherent and even emotional tale that may not be the most dazzling pulse pounding grandiose story of say the main 9 saga films, but it works in it's own way. The main draw to the film really is the relationship and dynamic of Din and Grogu, no matter how many references and extended characters that us mega fans know by heart. And I hate to say it with every fibre of my being but I think they're setting up the eventual demise of Din, slowly and ever so slightly but it could happen sooner than later. Papa Pedro is committed as always and still really good but I can understand his possible thinking that he can't do this forever and it toys with that in the movie. Of course Grogu is still our sweet baby but shows remarkable capability and not only did he comprise my favorite scene of the entire movie but got me on the absolute cusp of shedding tears. A Star Wars movie has never quite hit me like this and it must be noted. Kind of an inverted duet with Sigourney Weaver and Jeremy Allen White, I thought we would see Rotta barely at all after a certain point and get more Colonel Ward but we stick with Rotta for a good bit and I gotta tell you man, never have I ever been so keen and down with a Hutt in my existence! He was rad as hell and not to mention the mind trip of seeing that little slug baby all grown up after the 2008 Clone Wars movie. Of course I'm a mark for Anzellans, Embo, dragon snakes, and Dejarik creatures so I was having a field day and every little nod and reference I caught was a treat. I think people kinda forget how deeply self referrential Star Wars truly is, I dare say it's at least half of the backbone of the entire franchise and the other half being combining so much culture and classic tales of fantasy and fiction to create something new. It's a very enjoyable fun movie that screams escapsim, with appropriately excellent special effects, a fantastic score by Ludwig Göransson that in my opinion eclipses the series soundtrack and stands toe to toe with the memorability of the John Williams score, a good bit of humor but never afraid to take it slow or serious, and makes me incredibly interested what could come of season four of the series. Just check your expectations at the door and have fun, it's a damn good time to be a Star Wars fan like every other day of the year and I'll be extremely happy to add this to the DVD shelf when that special day comes. This is indeed the way. 3.5 stars, 8.5/10, I'm a happy camper.

Alien Ressurection

God fuck almighty.

I think I can sum up this movie in one single quote so thank Carrie Fisher for this when she told George Lucas "You know you can write this stuff but you can't say it.". I would so rather be doing better things with my time than talking about Alien Ressurection. Who the hell is this movie made for? I am serious, I demand an answer. It's not Alien fans I can tell you that right now. Alright well, the story is set about 200 years after Alien 3 when a different compnay it's not even Weyland-Yutani anymore they don't exist clones Ripley, how they achieved this makes somehow even less sense than when she had a chestburster in her last movie which made 0% sense, in an attempt to mass breed Xenomorphs. Mercenaries enter the fray, shit goes south, and it's a race to escape as per usual. I truly do not like bashing on movies, it takes so much effort and creativity to make a movie even if it's not objectively good, but I ain't got much good to say. The whole thing just feels off, I can't tell if it's going for a campy cheesy space monster movie vibe due to mainly the performances and plot progression, and it really didn't work if it did. Maybe it's partly on the directing but I personally put it all on the script written by Joss Whedon hack fuck extraordinaire, because no director could make this work. Toss all the details of the production in the garbage and just read it like it's a bare bones script, and you will find precisely dick right with it. So you take the script, you get a french director who somehow recovered from this and directed Amèlie 4 years later, get a fairly noteworthy cast of actors, obviously Sigourney Weaver returns, Winona Ryder, Ron Perlman, and Brad Dourif among several others, and nothing could save it. It's not turn your brain off entertainment, it's IQ crippling entertainment. I almost said you just have to see some examples to understand that, but absolutely not. It isn't worth the time or money. And truth be told it's not a shoddy production, pretty diverse selection of sets and thusly scenarios, the alien suits look damn good, the gore is quick admittedly but gnarly just the same, and even the CG for a 1997 film is pretty well executed! It certainly wasn't a phone it in movie and had some talent on it, but it really was torpedoed by the writing. Way to spit on the actual ending to this damn series by cloning Ripley and I guess somehow when you clone people alien DNA can get mixed right on in there so Ripley is like 95% human 5% Xenomorph, because science. Now Sigourney ain't acting bad here but there isn't much to do. Winona Ryder I feel suffers the worst here, again not due to her acting ability cause I've seen her act and she does fine, but it's the directing that makes her this insufferable ass character with so little to contribute to...anything, even existing to be candid. Also how in the ever loving circles of hell itself did you make Ron Perlman completely unlikeable? The man has charm and a lot of affability that is pretty present in his body of work, I've never seen a movie where I wasn't happy to see him until today! There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for this treachery! Just no. And Brad Dourif, well he practically gets a universal pass for anything, regardless of how weird the part is and it's plenty out there in this damn movie, I love him too much to be mean. God bless them they are all trying but I couldn't do any better myself trying to juggle this bloody movie. I never thought I'd bitch about set design in my life but you wanna talk tryhard? They attempted so hard to have the spaceship feel like the Nostromo from the first Alien movie and got absolutely nothing right about it, it's too well lit, it doesn't have an ounce of atmosphere, and it's not shot even effectively enough to where they could fake it until they make it. I could not recommend it under any circumstance or personal preference. It is just a dumb, idiotic, moronic, stupid piece of entertainment that was made in 1997 and hasn't been relevant since. 1.5 stars, 4.5/10, oh let Romulus be good!

Alien 3

Or Alien cubed for those mathematically inclined.

There's only so many ways I can just say, what the hell people?! Here we go again, a movie I have not heard a scrap of good things about and guess what I'm about to say? It was quite good! I just can't rely on anyone's opinion but mine. Almost every criticism I've heard I can rebuke even, maybe it was just a good day but I can applaud the movie for the direction it wanted to take. So we pick up pretty soon after Aliens ends and admittedly this is one of the few marks against the plot, but somehow an egg was on the ship as Ripley, Hicks, Newt, and Bishop escaped on which hatched and through some loss of blood that isn't rightly explained causes the ship to malfunction and the cryopods get jettisoned onto an ore mining prison world known as Fury 161, killing all members aboard except Ripley. Now can I understand why people were upset over that? Yes. Can I also understand why the movie went in the direction it did? Yes. So Ripley is now trapped on a prison world with a Xenomorph about, no weapons of any kind, and the Weyland company is inbound to claim it, so let's go do this. You'd be surprised though how little you truly see the alien until the climax of the movie, the majority of the film is Ripley getting acquainted with her surroundings, cooperating with inmates, it's way more a prison drama if anything. I like that! We get good conversations, pretty damn good actors, and the movie moves at a quick enough pace. Sigourney is still just as good as ever and stood staunchly by the director through the tumultous production, it's friggin' awesome to see a young Charles Dance in a fairly prominent role and rightfully is a highlight, to see Paul McGann in anything is a treat for a whovian like myself even if his part is more lessened in the theatrical cut, and we even get Lance Henriksen back for a bit and we love that guy! Like I'm just floundering so hard to comprehend why people think it's a bad movie, that's it's bleak and nihilistic, even the so called claims of religion are next door to zilch. Like...did I just watch the wrong fucking movie?? I know there's a producer's cut out there that's a bit different but my confusion is unending here. I mean yes losing our crew from Aliens just sucks, that there is no light at the end of the tunnel for them, but I felt they wanted to cap this series off entirely. I wish it was true but no dice there as we'll talk about tomorrow. Yes it's a pretty dystopian shithole world that's potrayed but it's a prison planet, cry about it I don't know what to tell you. I'll at least give credit for some solid sets and corridors plus some cool exterior shots. The nihilistic one is what fucking slays me, pretty soon the inmates are aware of the creature and that it's more likely than not a no-win scenario for them but instead of sitting on their asses waiting to get head fucked by a Xenomorph they start forming plans and taking action. There is no severe cloud of dread or depression here, there's moments yes but you'd think this would either be the movie that bores you to sleep or tempts you to eat cyanide from the word of mouth since 1992. And the religion thing, frankly I think people need to realize a cigar is just a cigar. Albeit there are inmates who stick to a code of religion, there's one shot of exterior wreckage that looks like a cross, and they initially describe the alien as a "dragon" and "the beast" two monikers for Satan (and that's if you are well read on such things), I mean it's not like Ripley is touted as the Lisan al-Gaib or some shit. I am so close to losing it here, it has been a hot ass minute since I have so feverishly disagreed with just about every person under the sun on a movie, and I just. Don't. Get it. Admittedly the production was a far cry from a cakewalk, so much interference from 20th Century Fox in fact to the point where the director was fired not once, not twice, but three times a go fuck yourself Hollywood when in truth he was just having to make the best of a terrible situation trying to get this movie in the can and is the movie's biggest detractor to this day because of all this nonsense. To which I reply, I think you did mighty fine work overall. You wanna know what the biggest problem is for me? I'll tell you, it's spoilery as all get out but I'll tell you. To those who want out, go watch it for yourself, I quite liked it, there is something you can get out of it. Kay? Kay. The chestburster in Ripley. That is the most handwaved aspect of the entire movie! How did she get it? When did she get it? Why did it take like a fortnight to burst? I know it's to facilitate the death of the character at the end and bring this shit to a stop as a trilogy, but it's not very well explained much like the egg of the facehugger at the beginning of the movie. And the alien at times looks pretty off which is odd because they used the practical suit technique but green screened it into shots, because that makes sense right? But beyond that, very solid movie. Relatively small gripes wouldn't you say? I'm never letting this go for as long as I live, I shan't. 3 stars, 7/10, I'm out.

Ghostbusters 2

No! No! You do not hate a good Ghostbusters movie!

I have rarely heard good praise for Ghostbusters 2, yet at the exact same time I can't name you a reason from people who don't like it either. Almost as if it's actually a good movie. That is something I could rant about for a good few hours so I'll just wrap up by saying suck on coxen. So we pick up 5 years later after the first movie with the ghostbusters essentially out of business after being sued into the ground and it takes about 30 minutes for them to start up the business again as the city is being overrun by slime and another powerful ancient figure has plans of ressurection. It does plenty enough different stuff without changing the format to an unrecognizable state, all the main cast returns, new villain, new setup, it actually progresses the characters and their stories, I'm just fumbling for any reason whatsoever as to why someone wouldn't like this. Like I said it takes about a quarter of the movie for them to be busting again, yet it's never boring or even uninteresting because you catch up with everybody and the writing is still just as on point. Hell I laughed much harder watching this one than the first, and once again the character dynamics while changing a bit with the new situations still is excellent with the cast bringing their A-game to it all. I got way more of the 80s aesthetic with this movie than the first in terms of the awesome music score, the set design, even the actual technicals of the film stock which honestly made me enjoy it way more. Ghostbusters is an 80s staple, it should feel that distinctive kind of retro, and I can only imagine what it was like with the anticipation of seeing the sequel, esepcially if you were a kid. Cause the first Ghostbusters movie was pretty grounded as a movie for adults not so much in content but the way it was presented but the kids loved them, and in that interval between movies you got the toys, The Real Ghostbusters premiered in 1986 and lasted until 1991, they really shifted gears and marketed towards kids yet this movie isn't dumbed down or kiddie. Shit you get some hardcore scary stuff at times and a wee bit of adult stuff, and I would be off my rocker if I didn't just say Annie Potts....ooh. My lord. Louis you smooth hound, I love that guy and I ship that relationship. But anyway, I don't see this as inferior in any sense, you can have just as much fun with this as the first one. I mean sure it hits some familiar beats with the first but there's too much new stuff to just ignore. I think the effects have naturally improved and they use all the tricks of the trade to the max, and do a better job with the same effects from the first movie. Okay, I just...I'm never getting over this, I just can't! It doesn't have to be this way!! What am I missing here?? Oh f*** off! It's a good movie, get off your goddamn high horse before I drop kick you off it Godzilla style. 4 stars, 8.5/10! No friggin' clue what to expect from Afterlife but I'm going in highly interested and happy to see another Ghostbusters movie after 32 years. I mean sure we got the video game and Extreme Ghostbusters, but it's high time we finally get a third Ghostbusters movie to see in theaters. I'll see you tomorrow.

Ghostbusters

So it took what, 863 reviews to get to Ghostbusters? How...I reviewed The Legend Of Boggy Creek and 50 Shades Of go f*** yourself before I got to Ghostbusters. What is this show??

How the shit do I even talk about Ghostbusters? Everybody loves it, go see it. End of story. Do I talk about the film and it's own merits or discuss the crazy legacy this movie has garnered over almost 40 years? I don't know. I don't know. I obviously love it and have probably only gained more appreciation and respect for it as time has gone on. I didn't even see Ghostbusters until I was in my teens, I got both movies on DVD for my birthday and I remember liking it just fine. And believe it or not a good dose of my reviewers, the people who inspired me to do what I do are pretty heavy into the busting of the ghosts, Cinemassacre, Angry Joe, VoteSaxon07, and it was through their videos that I got a glimpse of just how beloved this movie is. For a simple and kinda honestly B-movie plot of college teachers turn independent spirit eliminators, I can pin down why it is so succesful in two strokes, the writing and the character dynamics. I genuinely, even with seeing Animal House and Caddyshack, can firmly say this was Harold Ramis' best script because he worked in such tight tandem with the director Ivan Reitman and Dan Aykroyd, so you get a good story with intrigue, funny dialogue, easily understandable but great characters, and nothing feels wasted or unnecessary. I'll give you a friggin' buck right now if you can guess my favorite character, and it's not who you think it is considering my history with this show. This is easily one of the most quotable movies ever, like to me it is right up there with Star Wars, The Big Lebowski, and American Movie there is so much memorable dialogue that I could rattle off for considerable time. So story is great, cast is excellent across the board, the effects while not super flashy still hold up quite well, the comedy is impeccable, you're not hearing anything new here, you know what this movie is. So what can I offer in terms of original thoughts and perspectives? I truthfully think the best scene in the movie in terms of understated weight and effect is when Ray and Winston discuss the bible and judgement day, like that is some highly effective moody, under your skin, goosebumps raising stuff that is there but not in your face which is why it works so well. It has that gravitas, the only thing I can properly compare it to is when John Rhys-Davies talls about the Ark Of The Covenant in Raiders Of The Lost Ark, it's done that well. Second, f*** you assholes that gave William Atherton shit for playing Walter Peck, yeah he's great at playing one pompous cock but I couldn't say mean things to him just because of a role he played and expertly so. Buncha jackasses. Will however note I am not that big a fan of Ray Parker Jr.'s hit single, now the music in this movie is class but in terms of a lyrical song Savin' The Day gets me all kinds of pumped up, and jammin', and I love it to death. And Casey Kasem is in it, 10/10! I'll give it for real for real, 4 stars, 8.5/10, and it's sequel time tomorrow and I got some things to say so catch you next time.

Aliens (1986)

Is this movie better than the first? Well it all just depends, do you like horror or action more?

So Aliens takes the franchise into an action territory with stellar results. The movie takes place 57 years after the original Alien, with Ripley found by a salvage team still in cryo-sleep. She awakens to find that the original planet that her crew found the alien has been colonized, and they've lost contact. So send in the marines, with Ripley as their advisor to clean house, and rescue as many as people as possible. Yeah right. I can't even explain how the base looks on the planet, it's beyond description. The only thing I can say is, it's bad. But that doesn't cover it. The tension is brought on tenfold from the first Alien movie, since you know there isn't just one alien but hundreds if not thousands. Now the marines are the best part and it shows because even today they have a stallwart and heavily devoted fanbase, each marine brought on the force feels like real soldiers, they badmouth and talk shit to each other, but in the end you still know they are a tight team. Vasquez is one bad ass motherfraker, Hudson is just awesome (Thank you Mr. Bill Paxton for continuing to be awesome!), and the surprising thing is that there isn't tok much action in the movie. We have the initial encounter with the aliens, the fight in the nest which takes out damn near every marine, and then the escape from the planet, and the fight with the queen. And that kind of pisses me off, how easily almost all the marines are wiped out. Now I know the reason why, these guys are way too confident and are over their heads, not even slightly prepared for the threat. Acting wise, leaps and bounds better than Alien, not just with the character interaction with the marines but Ripley herself. I mean after all that crap she put up with in the first movie she is fed up with the bullshit, and she kicks ass! Obviously it goes deeper than that but we got to move on. Sets....whew. The sets, first movie ain't got nothing on this film. You thought they were ipressive before? You don't even know. The design is still the same even though we jumped ahead almost 60 years, which is fine but the less I say about the look of the film the better I think you will enjoy it. A feast to the eyes if I've seen one. The climax is impossible to forget, the action is great, characters are memorable, and many people consider this to be superior than the first. In fact, you could argue more people saw this movie than the first, due to it being a popular VHS rental so more people saw the sequel first. Action is more accesible than horror for most people, which is fine. I get that. I took me until I was about halfway through my teen years to start loving horror movies, I was a pansy as a kid. But interests grew through years and years of slowly being exposed to it, to the point where I greatly enjoy it. And I hope you enjoy these movies too, and look forward to seeing Alien Covenant in theaters tomorrow. I know I certainly am, first Alien movie I'll see in theaters. Well that's it for now, game over man. Game over.

Alien (1979)

Yeah, yeah I know! It's not October, but it had to have happened some time. So here we go.

Alien, classic science fiction movie directed by Ridley Scott. Need I say more? Well just for the sake of this review, let's talk about it. It's still really good! Despite being made almost 40 YEARS AGO, let that sink in for a minute, it still holds up damn near perfect. The sets are magnificent, the atmosphere and horror is memorable, the characters all have their time to develop, the design for the alien is perfect, and Ridley Scott just killed it in this movie. I still say this is my favorite movie of his! So, story time, alright so the movie centers around this mining crew, and they recieve a distress signal on an uninhabited planet, they investigate and find a derelict spaceship that has been crashed on the surface for centuries. While investigating one of the crew finds these eggs that in no way resemble a vagina when they open and in the name of science he puts his face in it! This is wrong. So he gets this thing stuck on his face which then implanted an egg down his throat (Gross.) and he gets brought on board. What follows, is quite possibly the most disturbing thing I have ever watched on film, when an alien bursts out of a man's chest which takes about 3 minutes to occur to drag this horror out to near unbearable levels. Now we got an alien loose on the ship. Don't you hate it when that happens? So they got to track it down, which will no doubt end with one character surviving to kill the alien. A tiny bit slasher movie, but hey I dig that stuff! The cast is quite good, Sigourney Weaver gets to be a badass, Ian Holm is....enigmatic to me even to this day, and special thanks to John Hurt for quite literally birthing this series. He deserves special recognition for his sacrifice. The music I have to say is not what you would expect, it's entirely symphonic but still lays on the dread when stuff starts going down. A huge part of this movie is it's design, most of which created by H.R. Giger giving the spaceship a claustrophobic feel coupled together with Amiga computers, obviously showing the time of when the movie was made but it doesn't date the film at all. Major props to that. And then we have the alien spacecraft that has this whole living organism look to it, and it looks jaw droppingly awesome. So highly detailed, and vast in scale. 11/10 from me. But we have at least one more movie to review before Alien Covenant, so join me tomorrow for the action side of the Alien franchise.

Also, highly recommend you watch the trailer for this movie. Whether you've seen the movie or not, watch it. Just maybe not in a dark room, cause I did that and....yeah, I was paranoid for the next 3 hours.