I think I can sum up this movie in one single quote so thank Carrie Fisher for this when she told George Lucas "You know you can write this stuff but you can't say it.". I would so rather be doing better things with my time than talking about Alien Ressurection. Who the hell is this movie made for? I am serious, I demand an answer. It's not Alien fans I can tell you that right now. Alright well, the story is set about 200 years after Alien 3 when a different compnay it's not even Weyland-Yutani anymore they don't exist clones Ripley, how they achieved this makes somehow even less sense than when she had a chestburster in her last movie which made 0% sense, in an attempt to mass breed Xenomorphs. Mercenaries enter the fray, shit goes south, and it's a race to escape as per usual. I truly do not like bashing on movies, it takes so much effort and creativity to make a movie even if it's not objectively good, but I ain't got much good to say. The whole thing just feels off, I can't tell if it's going for a campy cheesy space monster movie vibe due to mainly the performances and plot progression, and it really didn't work if it did. Maybe it's partly on the directing but I personally put it all on the script written by Joss Whedon hack fuck extraordinaire, because no director could make this work. Toss all the details of the production in the garbage and just read it like it's a bare bones script, and you will find precisely dick right with it. So you take the script, you get a french director who somehow recovered from this and directed Amèlie 4 years later, get a fairly noteworthy cast of actors, obviously Sigourney Weaver returns, Winona Ryder, Ron Perlman, and Brad Dourif among several others, and nothing could save it. It's not turn your brain off entertainment, it's IQ crippling entertainment. I almost said you just have to see some examples to understand that, but absolutely not. It isn't worth the time or money. And truth be told it's not a shoddy production, pretty diverse selection of sets and thusly scenarios, the alien suits look damn good, the gore is quick admittedly but gnarly just the same, and even the CG for a 1997 film is pretty well executed! It certainly wasn't a phone it in movie and had some talent on it, but it really was torpedoed by the writing. Way to spit on the actual ending to this damn series by cloning Ripley and I guess somehow when you clone people alien DNA can get mixed right on in there so Ripley is like 95% human 5% Xenomorph, because science. Now Sigourney ain't acting bad here but there isn't much to do. Winona Ryder I feel suffers the worst here, again not due to her acting ability cause I've seen her act and she does fine, but it's the directing that makes her this insufferable ass character with so little to contribute to...anything, even existing to be candid. Also how in the ever loving circles of hell itself did you make Ron Perlman completely unlikeable? The man has charm and a lot of affability that is pretty present in his body of work, I've never seen a movie where I wasn't happy to see him until today! There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for this treachery! Just no. And Brad Dourif, well he practically gets a universal pass for anything, regardless of how weird the part is and it's plenty out there in this damn movie, I love him too much to be mean. God bless them they are all trying but I couldn't do any better myself trying to juggle this bloody movie. I never thought I'd bitch about set design in my life but you wanna talk tryhard? They attempted so hard to have the spaceship feel like the Nostromo from the first Alien movie and got absolutely nothing right about it, it's too well lit, it doesn't have an ounce of atmosphere, and it's not shot even effectively enough to where they could fake it until they make it. I could not recommend it under any circumstance or personal preference. It is just a dumb, idiotic, moronic, stupid piece of entertainment that was made in 1997 and hasn't been relevant since. 1.5 stars, 4.5/10, oh let Romulus be good!
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