Death Of A Unicorn

Weirdest damn ending I have seen in considerable time!

But bless A24 for just existing. If you've seen the trailer for this movie, it is exactly what is advertised! A dark comedy centered on a single dad and his daughter who meet with a very affluent family after ramming into a unicorn on the road and have the bright idea to bring the mostly dead creature with them, until bodies start getting gored by the big mama of the family. I would claim fucking white people as to why there are so many consecutive horrible decisions in this movie but I can much more safely say fucking rich people, oh big shock there that they continuously rape a situation from bad to worse but my dear lord I have rarely seen a cast of characters so utterly contemptable and annoying in all my years. When there's only two characters I like, Wednesday and Victor Zsasz we got problems! Yeah, even Paul Rudd is a tool of the highest proportions which on one hand I commend to see him as this not 100% altruistic guy like usual but oof, he was getting zero love from me from almost the word go. Not to say the acting is bad, quite far from it! Do I look like the kind of Dude who is going to be upset seeing Richard E. Grant in anything? Him, Tèa Leoni, and Will Poulter play these self serving rich asshats so incredibly well with good humor sprinkled in, that I kinda forget I'm watching actors. It's that Umbridge Effect as I like to call it. It's actually funny how if you took the bloody as hell kills and swearing out, this is almost shockingly like a low effort family film, this distant work addicted dad gets to grow closer to his daughter after harming a mythical creature that these money grubbing swine that he works with want to capture and profit from the magical beast but they stop them in the end, hooray! Which is either unintentional genius or they knew what kind of tone they wanted and just cranked up the adult elements. But it's an okay movie, the dark humor doesn't hit constantly but certainly had it's moments, the setting is simple and it does have pretty scenery, the soundtrack once again was kinda doing it for me, the effects are solid and the way they kinda get free reign to make up the magic abilities of the unicorn was fun, and the story while simple still worked. I think I do see it more as a movie that gets a bigger crowd years down the road once it hits video, but it's worth a watch at the cinemas if the trailer striked your fancy a little bit. Far from their best but decent stuff! 2.5 stars, 7/10, and that about does it for a good while until the next new release comes out so be safe, be good people, and I'll see you at the movies.

Ghostbusters Frozen Empire

I'm sorry that I was late, it's never much fun when ectoplasmic residue seeps out of your nose and mouth (I got a bad cold) but let's boogie!

New Ghostbusters, yay! After the decent follow up of Afterlife I was game to see the series continue and I can safely say I like Frozen Empire even more. Picking up a wee bit after with the gang back at the good old HQ in New York, a powerful threat quite literally gets pawned at Ray's shop and slowly but surely manifests itself as Phoebe has some issues of her own and has to pull through as the next potential ice age sweeps in. This was more what I was looking for in Afterlife, it doesn't have a fanboy cookie for cookie's sake or really flex those nostalgia muscles for the audience, but rather expands and crafts more stuff for this wild wonderful world that has been entertaining generations since 1984. I love seeing the expansion of ghostbusting we see new tech, new concepts and questions, and adds a lot more to this world that really was only seen in the cartoons. In fact, though I am severely no fountain of knowledge on The Real Ghostbusters and Extreme Ghostbusters I wouldn't be surprised if a good bit of material was represented here. So it checks the boxes of a good sequel, expands the world and concepts while also progressing the characters. Speaking of which the cast is just as good as in the last film, obviously I'm still championing Phoebe, and I'm happy she gets her own moments and hurdles she has to get past. Granted the movie doesn't get that deep with it but I appreciate it regardless even though I greatly feel they focused way more on certain characters than all the characters. Paul Rudd is still great and feels the most real if that makes any sense, you know his heart is in the right place even if he doesn't have the right words to say it like we so often see in cinema. The most prominent original member is Dan and I like seeing him take on a mentor role for Phoebe and helps out in the investigation. In fact I like the more low key participation of the original Ghostbusters, they don't scene steal, they have their place, it's done right, and they still throw down at the end. Buuuut then you have the others that get severely put in the sidelane, Callie and Trevor Spengler are the epitome of just there which sucks because I recall wanting to see Finn Wolfhard come into his own in this series so it's either not going to happen or be the slowest hero arc in motion picture history, poor Podcast despite a good few laughs has barely anything to contribute, hell even friggin' Walter Peck has two things going for him Jack and shit and Jack left town. I mean really? You bring him back and he doesn't even begin to be a worldly antagonist for the ghostbusters, it's nice to see him no question about it, William Atherton is a real swell guy in reality, but they could have done more with him. At least we get an original villain, neat backstory, great look, solid gimmick, big thumbs up from me personally. I don't truthfully have any major issues with the movie more I guess nitpicky things, even if it's a small pile of nitpicky things. But they did a good job regardless, I'm happy I saw it and it got a few laughs outta me and put a smile on my face, they had the courage to do their own thing and throw some things out there and even if not everything worked the vast majority did, and I can say it's a good time at the movies so I recommend it. It's at the same level as Afterlife for me, not better or worse so I give it 3.5 stars, 7.5/10, and oh how this is only just the first empire we are encountering in March. Yeah buddy, next week is gonna get nuts.

In Retrospect: Ghostbusters Afterlife

I still have a fair bit to say.

First and foremost I did enjoy it more on the second watch and made my peace with some aspects. When I first saw it I felt it was mostly superflous to rely so much on the original Ghostbusters, with so much iconography incorporated into the plot. I still stand by that point and feel it was unnecessary to bring back Gozer, the terror dogs, Ivo Shandor, the Stay Puft marshmallow man, among other things because I was so invested and digging the original story. Oh sure, could I believe Gozer came back at some point to slug it out with the boys in grey? Absolutely, it wouldn't surprise me if during the comics run or in the animated show such a thing did happen, but it really is the crux of my albeit small problem with the movie. Just swap it out for an original villain and I would have next to zero to complain about. I loved the story of Phoebe Spengler learning about her grandpa's past and using her own smarts to carry on his legacy, while meeting these new characters and getting to see the old ones. McKenna Grace is nothing short of perfection in this, and adds one more example of future daughter goals for me, I just cherish her in this. Paul Rudd is such an affable great guy to hang out with, we go out for drinks twice a month he's wonderful, but anyway he's just fun to watch in this although he is 1000% to blame for the events that occured in the movie. Logan Kim, a wonderful addition to the cast and feels like a real kid in these situations. I do still feel Finn Wolfhard's brief portions of the plot were...yeah, pretty much useless and no slam against the actor of course but I hope should he come back for another film gets a lot more attention and stance in the story. Of course I hold no grudges seeing Bill, Dan, and Ernie again to the point where if I was being crystal clear, Ernie's line of "I should have called. I miss you my friend." and the after credits scene with him and Janine were kinda cutting near the heart man. Those bits were handled expertly. Now I must confess, I didn't actually like seeing Egon the first time I saw this. The beginning was fine, just seeing a silhouette or a hand, and it honestly took me an embarassingly long time to figure out he was leading Phoebe to all the important kit and the secret lab. But when he shows up at the end and you fully see him I felt that wasn't needed. That we didn't need a physical manifestation, I let out a heavy sigh when he was essentially a desk lamp, I don't know man I just wasn't for it. But then I saw other people's reviews and how much they loved seeing Egon in the movie, so it softened my opinion on it and I'm mostly okay with it now. I will also admit I had no idea that was Olivia Wilde as Gozer, that blew my mind when I found that out. PS. I would fully fund a short film where the mini-Stay Puft's wreak havoc and continue to be adorable even when they are brutally and graphically killed. It's a tiny bit of a love/hate relationship with this movie, I adore the original stuff and am screaming for more but all the call backs do bog it down just a little bit for me. But a good movie is a good movie, and I do still find it highly entertaining and a worthy succesor to Ghostbusters 2. I move it up to 4 stars, 8/10, and apologies in advance for only getting two reviews out this week and I suspect next week might be the same as well but I'll see what I can do.

Ghostbusters Afterlife

Well at least we ended on a good note.

As an individual who was interested but not highly anticipating or very excited about seeing this movie, I would love to compare notes with someone who was. Not at all that I hated the movie, but it did do some stuff I didn't want and felt could have been done a notch better. It's a decent fun little movie that could birth some cool stuff in the future. IDW, get on this. You could make some great new stories based off this movie and give some excellent character bits to the new cast. I literally didn't know until about a month before this movie came out it focuses on Egon's granddaughter and once I heard that my interest was hooked. I really really digged her story man, in fact the whole scenario of the movie with them inheriting Egon's house and slowly piecing together exactly what he was doing there as she becomes a young ghostbuster is cool stuff. Plus McKenna Grace is awesome in this, I would guard her with my eternal soul, she works so well with this script and this character, 10/10! Her and Logan Kim have outstanding chemistry and their friendship in the movie is damn good stuff. Poor Finn Wolfhard, I feel this kid just gets drafted into any old f***ing script with teens and supernatural occurences because of Stranger Things and I'm just like, does he even like it anymore? Cause I really was checking out on his B-story, not because of the actors but the script itself. It digs it's heels into contrivances that simply do not need to be there throughout the picture and actually stops it from being a great movie. A good chunk of the story beats work, but others simply fall flat. At least Paul Rudd was good, thank the babay jeezuz his acting has improved since Halloween 6. I think I'm grasping what people thought of when The Force Awakens came out talking about all the easter eggs and similar plot elements, it does go there from time to time. Completely unnecessarily, they could have crafted a new villain, they could have gone without a lot of the fan service, hell it kinda works as an introduction to Ghostbusters. If younger kids who never saw the original films saw this movie, it could make them into fans who love the original, seriously the movie works that well crafting it's own world and could be a stepping stone. I like that a great deal. It's fun, it's simple, a good movie but stick to the Ghostbusters video game for that official third entry. 3 stars, 7.5/10. I have no idea what to do next week, cause after that we got another series for you to wrap up the year. So I'll figure something out, have a fun time at the movies in the meantime.

Ant-Man & The Wasp

Alright movie, you got me.

I was severely confused why exactly this movie came after Infinity War, for like 99% of the movie I was thinking how better it would have worked if it came before or after Black Panther but nope they tie it in. And to be perfectly honest, I did like this movie better than the first Ant-Man. So Scott has been placed on house arrest after aiding Captain America in Civil War but quickly slides back into things as he helps Hank and Hope try to bring back the most important woman in the world to them, while a new enemy known as the Ghost is hell bent on stealing Hank's work to benefit her own needs. I honestly thought Hope was going to be Ghost, she goes subatomic trying to find her mom, her mind snaps like a Kit-Kat, and she just goes on a rampage able to phase through walls, but they didn't and while it might have made for a more interesting story I actually didn't mind. There's no real villain, even the people set up as villains are just normal people who want things done their way. Except for Walton Goggins, he's pretty much always a villain and I really wanted more of him in this movie, ever since seeing him in Justified and Vice Principals it's almost harboring on a man crush for this guy, he's just awesome. I feel this actually is a case where the sequel is superior to the first movie, every element has been improved. The effects are better and they get to do more fun stuff with shrinking and growing, I mean I was kinda joking about the Honey I Shrunk series but it really does seem like those movies. Though yeah....the physics and dynamics of the suit size is still off, I'm pretty sure if I stood 20 feet away from an 80 foot tall giant who started to speak I'd go deaf. Granted not all of it is bad and is physically sound but there's other things where you just scratch your head and go, how? I know, I know, it's comic books, are we really bringing logic into it? Well the correct answer is yes, because while slightly sci-fi it can still be possible to achieve this, and it has to make sense in our world. But the comedy while mostly still not getting much from me was toned back and did get a good laugh out of me from time to time, I even liked Michael Pena a lot in this movie. I don't know, the story and character motivations really hit me harder than in the first movie. When Hank sees his wife in 30 years, I fully 120% believed his reaction, he doesn't even speak a word he just emotionally breaks down, that's a f***ing good scene, boy howdy let me tell ya. I felt a stronger connection between Scott and his daughter even though that was one aspect of the first that was still quite good, every action Scott does is because of his daughter and it's a driving force an awful lot of people can identify with. I quite liked this movie, nothing great but still good, has some hokey science in it, has some decent characters, all in all it's a fun little movie and I can see people really digging it so knock yourself out.  2.5 stars, 6.5/10, Brie Larson, let's dance.

Ant-Man

Yet another average entry of the series that's apparently the best thing since sliced bread.

I know, I'm breaking your balls Marvel fans, but I honestly thought Ant-Man was kinda good. It had some things in it I wasn't gaga for but the overall premise was interesting. Essentially Honey I Shrunk The Kids with a superhero movie, and if you like those movies then you'll probably like Ant-Man. We follow Paul Rudd after he took some acting classes since Halloween 6, as a criminal who just got out of prison but takes up another hit to support his daughter, but unexpectedly finds a suit that can shrink him down to insect size and is quickly recruited by the creator of the suit played by Michael Douglas. Apparently his company is under the control of a total asshole who plans on mass producing the shrink suit and selling it to our favorite cell of natzi's Hydra, forcing our hero to learn the skills of the suit to help save the world. Huzzah. I must admit I wasn't expecting Scott to be a criminal, I thought the story would go more on him being the son of Hank Pym and inheriting the Ant-Man suit, but screw it I liked it regardless. Paul Rudd has good energy and really works as your everyday person stumbling into this fantastical situation. Michael Douglas is a good mentor, and he genuinely made me laugh a bit. Didn't trust Evangeline Lily's character in this movie though, she seemed way too angry and cunniving to be an ally for however many more of these movies Disney is going to push out. At least the villain was different, mainly a greedy dickhead instead of our usual world destroying B-listers, but still just as weak and flimsy as tracing paper. The effects were pretty good though, again much like the Shrunk series but done on a more large scale (no pun intended of course) so I was fairly impressed with how they did it all. It was certainly the lightest movie entry so far, a lot of emphasis on comedy and not a lot of drama, just a fun adventure with a unique hero. For some weird reason I thought Hank Pym was a DC name, obviously thinking of The Atom but that was Ray Palmer so I had to keep smacking myself upside the head and reminding myself of the characters, but can you really blame me? To my knowledge they are the only two heroes in comics who use technology to shrink themselves to the subatomic level, which was actually pretty trippy and awesome in this movie. Still not as trippy as that Doctor Strange scene though! And guys I'm sorry but Michael Pena did nada for me, he got old on me fast and it somehow even furthered my opinion on people wanting him to essentially make a video recapping the whole MCU to which I replied with, how about........no. And now I can safely say I have never disagreed more with a hypothetical scenario in my entire life. Don't hate his stand up though, but he, yeah, no. 2.5 stars, 6/10, Civil War coming up next and I think the fatigue is slowly starting to set in. How do you people marathon this stuff?

Halloween 6

We're doing the theatrical cut. There's no way in all the circles of hell I'm watching two versions of this garbage.

I got so fed up with this movie not only did I have to take several breaks before I finished it, but I was browsing through the Criterion Collection because I needed something good to watch after the fact. I can say without the slightest hyperbole, the filmmakers do not know Halloween. At all. This film is the reason we got Halloween: 20 Years Later and it dropped the continuity. And the first and most evident fact to my claim is that Michael Myers, The Shape who is purely and simply evil, that stalks and kills countless people, has come from a terrifying singular unstoppable force of nature to a pawn in a cult that originates all the way back in the time of the Druids. That's all the information on the cult that you get, I don't even think you know the name of the cult, they dedicate themselves to choosing....sweet Jesus this movie is ass, just bear with me here. So they explain the cult chooses a member of a family to kill off their entire bloodline to prevent famine and plague, or at least that's what I gathered. Not only is this a complete and utter BETRAYAL of the Halloween story, but it doesn't even make sense in terms of the story. What do I mean by this? Well, Jamie Lloyd is all grown up now and thankfully not played by Danielle Harris, and I say you dodged a bullet with this movie hon, and she just gave birth to a baby boy in this weird ass cult and Michael is hot on their trail to kill both of them. Jamie bites the dust, and Tommy Doyle from the first movie finds the baby and brings the whole Strode family into the crosshairs of Michael. So they're trying to keep the baby safe but who's the dad? Enter the cult rant: WARNING RANT AHEAD, VACATE THE PREMISES. This f***ing cult fails spectacularly in every way possible, not only is it set up abysmally beyond reason like I said we don't even know the name of the cult but whatever, but the motives and the way they try to achieve their goals defies all logic and reason. So we noted the cult is formed on a druid sacrifice of an entire bloodline right? Well, they suck at fulfilling that oath. Hard. Michael needs to wipe out his family right? Well let's see, killed his sister, failed to kill his other sister and she died of I guess an accident, took over 15 years to get his niece, and there's this little problem that MICHAEL IMPREGNATED HIS NIECE!! WHAT??! WHAT IS THAT GOING TO ACCOMPLISH, ARE YOU SHITTING ME UP THE ASS??? Ohh my head......so yeah, Michael Myers is a uncle daddy now. Did you know there's a magic drink that can help you forget this movie? It's called bleach. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, great job cult leaders you suck so bad at killing people you gave birth to another target. Oh but we're just getting started folks on how much this movie is a blight upon the planet. Now let me be clear, I have no issue with a cult which started in ancient times, it ties well with Season Of The Witch and the origins of Halloween. Just don't add Michael Myers to the mix. Leave that to another movie outside this series. Or hell, if Halloween followed in the direction set by Season Of The Witch this would be awesome! A return of the mystical, sacrificial origins of Halloween, maybe with Connal Cochran back somehow in a new body with a new plan! God, that would be an amazing return after 2 anthology movies! But it's not all down to the cult why this movie sucks the root, it is a shoddily made movie almost akin to a trashy, 90s, trying to hard to be edgy, music video long before Rob Zombie got his hands on this series, with oblique angles, nauseating use of strobe lights, idiotic and out of place edits, almost as if the movie is trying to compensate for lack of story with visuals seen from an amateur filmmaker who really wanted to make this series edgy and a bit grunge. Just how did this series fall so far? Who dropped the ball and let it roll down the hill into the lake? The actor's suck, especially with the guy who plays Tommy, I know they try to pass off he's been not all mentally there after the events of the first movie but I got news for you, it didn't work. I mean like, Razzie award winning, did. Not. Work. Donald Pleasance is the only man who's trying, and it saddens me this movie was his last movie. The film is in memory of him, and what a great tribute. This may be worse than Expendables 3. No, scratch that. It is. At least Expendables 3 still felt like The Expendables, and yes it did have a direct to DVD direction to it but at least it kinda made sense. This movie? Dare even say it's the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Manos, The Room, Birdemic, Sharknado, Baby Geniuses ain't got nothing on this movie. There are exactly 2 good things in this movie, Donald Pleasance and the death of Mr. Strode cause he was a massive cock. I am livid right now and I have no idea how to calm down, other than stab several people to death with a Lamson 9" kitchen knife, but that shit is expensive so here I am. I'm done. Halloween: 20 Years Later tomorrow, or Halloween H20 for you people out there. It's 20 Years Later, what wiseass thought that was a good idea? Whatever, f*** it I'm done, goodnight.