Death Of A Unicorn

Weirdest damn ending I have seen in considerable time!

But bless A24 for just existing. If you've seen the trailer for this movie, it is exactly what is advertised! A dark comedy centered on a single dad and his daughter who meet with a very affluent family after ramming into a unicorn on the road and have the bright idea to bring the mostly dead creature with them, until bodies start getting gored by the big mama of the family. I would claim fucking white people as to why there are so many consecutive horrible decisions in this movie but I can much more safely say fucking rich people, oh big shock there that they continuously rape a situation from bad to worse but my dear lord I have rarely seen a cast of characters so utterly contemptable and annoying in all my years. When there's only two characters I like, Wednesday and Victor Zsasz we got problems! Yeah, even Paul Rudd is a tool of the highest proportions which on one hand I commend to see him as this not 100% altruistic guy like usual but oof, he was getting zero love from me from almost the word go. Not to say the acting is bad, quite far from it! Do I look like the kind of Dude who is going to be upset seeing Richard E. Grant in anything? Him, Tèa Leoni, and Will Poulter play these self serving rich asshats so incredibly well with good humor sprinkled in, that I kinda forget I'm watching actors. It's that Umbridge Effect as I like to call it. It's actually funny how if you took the bloody as hell kills and swearing out, this is almost shockingly like a low effort family film, this distant work addicted dad gets to grow closer to his daughter after harming a mythical creature that these money grubbing swine that he works with want to capture and profit from the magical beast but they stop them in the end, hooray! Which is either unintentional genius or they knew what kind of tone they wanted and just cranked up the adult elements. But it's an okay movie, the dark humor doesn't hit constantly but certainly had it's moments, the setting is simple and it does have pretty scenery, the soundtrack once again was kinda doing it for me, the effects are solid and the way they kinda get free reign to make up the magic abilities of the unicorn was fun, and the story while simple still worked. I think I do see it more as a movie that gets a bigger crowd years down the road once it hits video, but it's worth a watch at the cinemas if the trailer striked your fancy a little bit. Far from their best but decent stuff! 2.5 stars, 7/10, and that about does it for a good while until the next new release comes out so be safe, be good people, and I'll see you at the movies.

Dracula (1992)

Yeah I'm pretty happy with this one.

I don't know whether or not the reception of this film has went up or down over the three decades since it's release, but I'm in the camp of liking it a good deal. Easily the most lavishly produced, faithful, and striking adaptation of the story in film, Francis Ford Coppola bet it all on this movie to save his sinking film company with a solid budget of 40 million and pulled in over 200 million when all was said and done, and I can understand why. True the movie leans a bit more into romance than abject horror, but it didn't bother me all that much. The stuff that is creepy, freaky, and just plain horrific had a strong effect on me. Never once in all vampire media have I ever cringed and shirked away from seeing a vampire consume blood, but the razor scene in this movie mm-mmm. No way, that creeped me right the fuck out man, gave me the heebie-jeebies! And the romance while assuredly dramatic I bought into, it strangely worked for me. Only a handful of details I noticed didn't make the jump from page to screen, but all the things that did make it give a lotta brownie points to this film! The production is batshit insane, I cannot believe the visuals in this movie, and to think everything was done in camera with next to zero post production or computer graphics work kinda blows my socks off. The sets, the costumes, the scope of it all, it's almost illegal how grand this movie looks. Star studded cast and I gotta just say real quick oh ho boy this is gonna be sacreligious, Gary Oldman had such a perfect voice and presence for what was required in this role. I know, Bela Lugosi is THE voice, he is friggin' Dracula as long as the world keeps turning. However! Gary got me creeped out, entranced, and invested. The hair at the beginning though, absurd. But I can't change it so I gotta live with it, and everything else was great about him. Winona Ryder as Mina was very nice, and I'm actually happy she has more of a role to play cause in all seriousness Mina and Lucy are barely even there in any adaptation. Anthony Hopkins was riding a high and beautiful wave in the early 90s due to Silence Of The Lambs and I did like him a fair bit, I mean this is the most exotic and foreign Van Helsing I've seen since Edward Van Sloan. Keanu my son, I'm thrilled you have a shining career nowadays and I understand you were burnt the hell out making this, so I will not trash you here but I do feel a different actor would have worked more. I do however wish we got more Cary Elwes, Richard E. Grant, and Billy Campbell as Arthur, Seward, and Quincey respectively cause well I'm a sucker for Cary and Richard, and huzzah Quincey is proper texan and was kinda awesome! I do find it hilarious though they had to cut about 20 minutes of gore effects out though the film was in no danger of getting a higher rating than an R, but they absolutely kept every breastises and charged erotic moment in this movie no problem. I mean I think they were in a moooood making this movie, my God Hammer wasn't this gratuitous and revelling in the sexy aspects, but here? Make sure the kids are in bed or out of the house before flipping this on. Lawd have mercy! Moving swiftly on. I really digged this movie, I loved the lavish design and tone, I was most definitely entertained, I give it 3.5 stars and an 8/10! Next week, it is high past time we pay our respects to the king of low budget pictures with his acclaimed and memorable Poe series.

Warlock

A bit unprecedented for this show to talk horror outside of October but the rest of this month will be busy with new movies so I figured why not.

I wasn't quite sure what to expect from Warlock, I knew Julian Sands and Richard E. Grant were in it and the most bare bones plot synopsis, yet I can say I'm happy I saw it. I don't think it's an undiscovered cult hit of the horror genre or anything but it is good in that simplistic 80s plot kind of way. So the story follows basically a witch hunter and a warlock are transported by magic from the 1600s to the 1980s where they do battle and the warlock seeks a powerful spellbook, there's a bit more to it but that is the pure premise of it. Already I have to give the film a gold sticky star cause they didn't Beastmaster 2 it. I am so f***ing happy they did not Beastmaster 2 this, and do this tired bullshit avenue of trivial writing of a fish out of water, modern setting confusion, utter drivel and kept it to a almost non-existant quota. They don't oggle the technology with bewilderment, there's no shite jabs at humor, they take it quite seriously but can still have funny moments. Gotdammit do I love Richard E. Grant, he genuinely has only just gotten on my radar a bit before Rise Of Skywalker came out and I really liked him in that, and I've been checking out more of his stuff. He brings his theater background effortlessly in this, speaking in old english and the stoicism and seriousness he brings to the role is commendable but can still work with big moments. Julian Sands I feel is more an actor I have heard about a lot more than I've seen of him, but he does good work in this and has fun being an absolute bastard, so that's great. I will fully admit Lori Singer's modern day character didn't hold much hope for me, I thought she was going to be too much but she might be the best part of the movie. Her delivery, her timing, she's really funny at times and is fun to watch as she deals with this madness that just keeps coming to her house, and on this trek with not Giles from Buffy. I also really appreciated all the location shoots. Ah, back in a time where you either had to build a set or shoot the damn thing in a real place. You get a healthy dose of California, but you also see Boston, more rural areas, Christ we even return to some salt flats. Weird how life works with coincidences. I can see if there's a small cult following for it, it's a decent film, and if you're any kind of fan of 80s fantasy that doesn't have the greatest budget you can have a good time. 3 stars, 7/10, I'm checking out another first entry to a horror series and one I have never seen on top of that so that should be interesting. Mata ne Mina san!