Death Of A Unicorn

Weirdest damn ending I have seen in considerable time!

But bless A24 for just existing. If you've seen the trailer for this movie, it is exactly what is advertised! A dark comedy centered on a single dad and his daughter who meet with a very affluent family after ramming into a unicorn on the road and have the bright idea to bring the mostly dead creature with them, until bodies start getting gored by the big mama of the family. I would claim fucking white people as to why there are so many consecutive horrible decisions in this movie but I can much more safely say fucking rich people, oh big shock there that they continuously rape a situation from bad to worse but my dear lord I have rarely seen a cast of characters so utterly contemptable and annoying in all my years. When there's only two characters I like, Wednesday and Victor Zsasz we got problems! Yeah, even Paul Rudd is a tool of the highest proportions which on one hand I commend to see him as this not 100% altruistic guy like usual but oof, he was getting zero love from me from almost the word go. Not to say the acting is bad, quite far from it! Do I look like the kind of Dude who is going to be upset seeing Richard E. Grant in anything? Him, Tèa Leoni, and Will Poulter play these self serving rich asshats so incredibly well with good humor sprinkled in, that I kinda forget I'm watching actors. It's that Umbridge Effect as I like to call it. It's actually funny how if you took the bloody as hell kills and swearing out, this is almost shockingly like a low effort family film, this distant work addicted dad gets to grow closer to his daughter after harming a mythical creature that these money grubbing swine that he works with want to capture and profit from the magical beast but they stop them in the end, hooray! Which is either unintentional genius or they knew what kind of tone they wanted and just cranked up the adult elements. But it's an okay movie, the dark humor doesn't hit constantly but certainly had it's moments, the setting is simple and it does have pretty scenery, the soundtrack once again was kinda doing it for me, the effects are solid and the way they kinda get free reign to make up the magic abilities of the unicorn was fun, and the story while simple still worked. I think I do see it more as a movie that gets a bigger crowd years down the road once it hits video, but it's worth a watch at the cinemas if the trailer striked your fancy a little bit. Far from their best but decent stuff! 2.5 stars, 7/10, and that about does it for a good while until the next new release comes out so be safe, be good people, and I'll see you at the movies.

In Retrospect: X

Still pretty friggin' good!

I feel so justified doing a little marathon this week and watching these movies again! X dude, X. That shit is mm, just right. It's certainly more eye opening and even more appreciated if you watch it after Pearl. So I guess the paralyzingly fierce breakdown smile made Howard stick around for about 60 odd years, and it is so damn interesting to see that shift with these characters go from mostly innocent young lovers torn apart by the Great War to flat out serial killer married couple, it is just wow! Despite the heavy prosthetics used for Pearl and Howard you get a lot of emotion and readable facial acting, and I still fucking stand and applaud the movie Citizen Kane style for just taking the time and humanizing them. It would have been easier done than said to just make them a creepy old murdering odd couple, but we get just a smidge of insight into their lives and relationship and it makes the film a cut above the rest in my opinion. It's shot with love and affection in that 70s style but never loses it's modern cinematography footing, there's some good shots and great use of color from time to time. I am rather curious what the overall visual flair will be for Maxxxine, cause Pearl was Wizard Of Oz as all get out, X had more than a healthy dose of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and I have no clue what the overarching homage will be but I'm excited. Hands down best scene of the movie still to this day for me is that brutal first murder, it is gruesomely practical but just the music and the lighting and the dance....whoa man. Not only did it send shivers down my spine in the bestest way possible, but there were tears welling up in my eyes and I cannot explain for the life of me why they did, I had no clue murder could be so beautiful. That's a weird sentence to say but I felt how I felt. It is goddamn art in my opinion from the neck stab to the van engine being shut off. There was a vision to this in all aspects, not to outshine or to reinvent the wheel, but to do it to the best of their ability. You wanna know what the one single friggin' thing I did NOT like about this movie was? I hated the posters and promotional images. Like really? That's all you had for the majority was a still frame of Jenna Ortega mid scream?? It sucks and I never liked it and I saw it way too often. You know an image that might catch my attention? That freaky ass silhouette of Pearl carrying a pitchfork like some wraith-like witch, that is awesome! And I'll level with you right here right now, I forgot what the ending was. I didn't know who was gonna live or die, so I was along for the ride one last time. I know, it's a little obvious but I had a lapse in mental faculties which let's be honest ain't nothing new here! Good times be had, I am never not in the mood to listen to some 70s baby making music, let's flipping do this Friday!

Wednesday

Can you believe I was gonna originally post this on Monday? My senile ass is losing it.




It was a friggin' treat watching this series. I mean obviously from the offset it had my attention, a Wednesday Addams show by Tim Burton, very much in my wheelhouse. And what I got was thankfully far and away from my reservations and fears, cause when that trailer hit I was like, okay guys...you're on the knife's edge of being a CW show please be careful. It played it's cards just right. So our story involves young Wednesday Addams having to transfer to a new school where fairly immediately a mystery pops up that she's hell bent on solving, taking us over the course of eight 45 minute episodes of humor, twists, intrigue, and more than plenty morbid dialogue. And I truly must admit, during that first episode I was teetering on the fence, I saw a lot that won me over but some stuff was holding me back, but then I took a good few paces back and looked at it. The Addams Family just simply has not had a show like this, it's digging into new grounds and therefore has the right to make it's own adaptation. It's own world, characters, dilemmas, and choices. Once I remembered that, at the 20 minute mark I was all in. I am saying it. I am not taking it back. Jenna Ortega, best Wednesday. Because she takes the core baseline of Christina Ricci's Wednesday and expounds upon it immensely, hilariously grim, highly inquisitive, more blunt than a dull knife, and endlessly entertaining. I cannot express this enough, she is flawless. I thought her bubbly roomate Enid was gonna grind my gears, nope! Cute as a button, bless her heart, she's great fun and that lovely cheery balance to a child filled with woe. Pretty great to see Gwendoline Christie again, Christ she is difficult in this show though but I understand that's the point, this hardheaded principal who holds much annoyance with Wednesday and is a hurdle for her to get across. The semi-love triangle thing I could have lived without, but Hunter Doohan and Percy Hynes White did do very well and were nice characters for Wednesday to bounce off of. When I heard Catherine Zeta Jones was Morticia I could picture that incredibly well and I will admit there is one scene with her and like duuude, her acting sent a blade of ice straight through my heart. Like a chill ran through me for just the briefest of instances so color me impressed. I very foolishly held reservations with Luis Guzman as Gomez and it took exactly 3 seconds of him serenading Morticia with a Buddy Holly song and I was sold. Needed more Lurch though. Bastards. And of course, we actually get Christina Ricci in this show, and she is sooo not a cute little cameo, and then bye we never see her again. She is in every episode! Thank you for that showrunners I loved seeing her. Obviously no spoilers of even a miniscule kind, but it will be super interesting to rewatch this season I mean that's how great mysteries stand the test of time, on repeat viewings do you still get something out of it? I felt it was a very competent and interestingly woven mystery of murders and monsters, I had some theories which were wrong but I pulled a Hail Mary theory throw and it by God stuck and it was the big secret reveal. Totally didn't have any back up evidence, I just got lucky as shit. Major props to the writers though for this dialogue, it really was everything I expected and more, completely what I loved, I was laughing consistently and strongly throughout. Also brownie points for totally just pulling the rug out at certain tropes, good ol' subverting expectations! Ooh there's this secret society in the school, found out about it early on and quickly moved on. Oh there's this rivalry between Wednesday and a more popular girl Bianca, they sort it out halfway through the show and work together. But there's this weird guy who was trying to off Wednesday and fortells of her doom, he gets sliced stone dead nowhere near the end of the show. I friggin' love that man! Anything but predictable. This is the way. Teeny tiny little note, the music choices though incredibly rare throughout, there is some good stuff right there buddy boy. Seeing Wednesday craned over her cello, belting out Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones, I genuinely believe I saw musical genius for the first time in my life. Hearing this downbeat, orchestral, almost dirge like rendition of Nothing Else Matters by Metallica is easily the best damn song in the show. Holy batshit that was fuggin' goooood! Even just the regular score music is mighty good, enriching and contributing to the gothic architecture, the bleak atmosphere, the cool dark colors, yet is still photographed exceptionally well. It never is too dark, or murky, or flat they knew what the hell they were doing. I'm serious man, I didn't hold high expectations by a country mile but I was incredibly entertained and fully recommend this series to anyone with even the most passing of interests in The Addams Family. Rightfully different from other adaptations, so damn funny, engaging to watch, and gold stars for our main cast. I was kinda hoping this would be a mini-series but it appears season two is at least alluded to, but hey I like this environment and Jenna in this role so screw it, I'm there. 4 stars, 8/10, and now comes the part where we shift from mysterious and spooky, to merry and bright. The cold touch of death beckons, sweet oblivion open your arms!!

X

A24 strikes gold once more.

I haven't been this into and loving a modern horror film since Candyman, even I'm shocked how much I was getting into it. Texas 1979 is our setting as we follow a lowbudget porn crew traverse into a deserted area of Texas to shoot their next film when things get a bit more raw than intended. Where do I begin? Gotta be methodical about this so I don't forget anything. The production is wonderful, perfectly capturing that grain of 70s grindhouse while still keeping the colors at a natural consistency, surprise of surprises this was shot in New Zealand which fooled me throughout cause it looks like a spitting image of more rural areas of Texas. The effects, oh my God, what a gloriously gross showcase throughout done with practical magic and enough fake blood to slake any gorehounds appetite. The cast is really good, with I think the best material going to the old folks they shack up with and they are proper great in this when they start offing people. Hell I think the best scene in the whole friggin' movie is actually after the first murder, it's horrifying, it's beautiful, it felt like a gorgeous piece of cinema that I was happy to watch and admire. This is a movie that does some out there wild stuff and I adore it endlessly. It has little sprinkles of artistic and even the above mentioned avant garde scene, so it's properly directed here and knows what it is but still does things it's own way and beautifully so. I was really appreciating the dialogue at points and character moments, sort of tackling the stigmas and mindset of being an actor in a pornographic film and it handles it really well just stating they are just people, who are young and have a good time doing what they do without taking it super seriously. But I do absolutely feel the best writing stuff goes to the homeowners, the fact they're bastards all along and didn't just snap overnight, the time they spend elaborating on their past and what they were like, how they still have that passion in their hearts for each other, until the ball dropped that they were killers I really did think they were just slightly misunderstood and even thought one of the film crew would have been the killer. Now there's a twist I want to see happen! The soundtrack is glorious, with a fair bit of hey hey classic 70s lovemaking music and some staples of late 70s rock. Needless to say I need to get my hands on this soundtrack, for multiple practical reasons. I did feel like a touch of a perv when I was the only one who laughed at the Debbie Does Dallas reference, but I have fine taste what can I say? And okay bear with me, don't switch off, I'm not...I'm just saying for 1979, there should have been a lot more bush down there. Just saying. And on that bombshell it is time to end. Go see it. It is great! It's one part Boogie Nights, one part Texas Chainsaw Massacre, with a tiny sprinkle of cinematic art thrown in. 4 stars, 9/10! And another anniversary is almost upon us so I figured to look at a lesser regarded kaiju series to celebrate.