You Only Live Twice

It's sort of a toss up between this and Goldfinger as my favorite Connery film.

You Only Live Twice is a amazing entry in the series despite the behind the scenes drama and this being the last we'll see of Connery in the role...kinda. The story follows Bond as he fakes his death for reasons I'm not entirely sure of, and starts working more undercover to find out exactly how and why several spacecraft from both America and Russia have disappeared which leads him to Japan to face off against SPECTRE one more time. The film already gets brownie points for being in Japan but regardless the story is one of the finer early entries in the series, with very good pacing, characters, and a true sense that it attempts and succeeds the climax of Thunderball. Before we talk performances this has to be brought up, Sean Connery gives a very muted performance and it was during the production of this film that he decided not to return again as James Bond. He became very disillusioned with the role and hated he didn't have any privacy during the shoot in Japan, which I can fully understand and I hold no grievance or ill will towards him for his decision. Even when you can tell his heart is not really in the performance this time around, he still has good shining moments and as his currently last bout as 007, he still does very fine work. We have a double dose of Bond girls with Akika Wakabayashi as japanese agent Aki, and Mie Hama as Bond's wife (more on that later) with both actresses doing very good work despite not being fluent in English at the time and work very well alongside Connery. Tetsuro Tanba as Tiger Tanaka is another highly welcome addition to the list of allies in this series and is a joy to watch bantering with James. We have another Fiona Vulpe-esque villain this time played by Karen Dor who while not having much screentime is still memorable and fun to watch, with special love going to her acting with a certain white cat loving mastermind. Yes, this is the movie where we finally come face to face with SPECTRE #1 Ernst Stavro Blofeld, played to perfection by Donald Pleasence, and it sort of further pushes the fact that this feels like a finale to the series in some ways as we finally face off with the villain that has been plaguing James since 1964 and I love everything about it. What I do not love is the filmmaker's decision to make Bond undergo plastic surgery to look like a japanese fisherman. I can't even believe what I just wrote. Why?? It serves no purpose, he has plastic surgery done to him which apparently comes right off after a dip in the ocean, takes a "wife" who is just Kissy another agent working for Tanaka, it makes less than zero sense and it's filler if I've ever seen it. However on a more positive note, the film looks great as we sample both urban and rural areas of Japan, with plenty of little touches of their culture throughout. Apparently Ian Fleming grew quite fond of the country and had a great curiosity and affinity for japanese culture while he was writing the novel of the same name, and you get a good sense of that in this film which of course I love. Plus it doesn't hurt that not only does this film have one of the most incredible sets ever produced in cinematic history but the volcano lair siege is most likely the best and most large scale climax we'll see for the entire series. Everything about that set was real, no matte paintings, no models, no trick photography, just a legit massive set with working monorail, simulated rocket takeoff, and control center that cost one million pounds then but would cost lord knows how much if they did it the same way. It is astounding, and I feel it was a crime tearing down Ken Adam's remarkable set after filming wrapped. The script was written by Roald Dahl who some might know for Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Matilda, and James And The Giant Peach, who I felt did incredibly well and the director Lewis Gilbert knew how to shoot this movie with both excellent action sequences and gorgeous scenery. Excellent movie with only two hiccups in the grand scheme of things, and despite Connery's clear lack of caring at certain points his performance is really good. A slightly flawed movie that still rivals the gold standard. 4 stars, 8/10! So this was it for Sean Connery, the man who countless individuals claimed IS James Bond, so what do you do after the star has left to pursue other parts? Well we'll find out next time with the one hit wonder James Bond in On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

Halloween 6

We're doing the theatrical cut. There's no way in all the circles of hell I'm watching two versions of this garbage.

I got so fed up with this movie not only did I have to take several breaks before I finished it, but I was browsing through the Criterion Collection because I needed something good to watch after the fact. I can say without the slightest hyperbole, the filmmakers do not know Halloween. At all. This film is the reason we got Halloween: 20 Years Later and it dropped the continuity. And the first and most evident fact to my claim is that Michael Myers, The Shape who is purely and simply evil, that stalks and kills countless people, has come from a terrifying singular unstoppable force of nature to a pawn in a cult that originates all the way back in the time of the Druids. That's all the information on the cult that you get, I don't even think you know the name of the cult, they dedicate themselves to choosing....sweet Jesus this movie is ass, just bear with me here. So they explain the cult chooses a member of a family to kill off their entire bloodline to prevent famine and plague, or at least that's what I gathered. Not only is this a complete and utter BETRAYAL of the Halloween story, but it doesn't even make sense in terms of the story. What do I mean by this? Well, Jamie Lloyd is all grown up now and thankfully not played by Danielle Harris, and I say you dodged a bullet with this movie hon, and she just gave birth to a baby boy in this weird ass cult and Michael is hot on their trail to kill both of them. Jamie bites the dust, and Tommy Doyle from the first movie finds the baby and brings the whole Strode family into the crosshairs of Michael. So they're trying to keep the baby safe but who's the dad? Enter the cult rant: WARNING RANT AHEAD, VACATE THE PREMISES. This f***ing cult fails spectacularly in every way possible, not only is it set up abysmally beyond reason like I said we don't even know the name of the cult but whatever, but the motives and the way they try to achieve their goals defies all logic and reason. So we noted the cult is formed on a druid sacrifice of an entire bloodline right? Well, they suck at fulfilling that oath. Hard. Michael needs to wipe out his family right? Well let's see, killed his sister, failed to kill his other sister and she died of I guess an accident, took over 15 years to get his niece, and there's this little problem that MICHAEL IMPREGNATED HIS NIECE!! WHAT??! WHAT IS THAT GOING TO ACCOMPLISH, ARE YOU SHITTING ME UP THE ASS??? Ohh my head......so yeah, Michael Myers is a uncle daddy now. Did you know there's a magic drink that can help you forget this movie? It's called bleach. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, great job cult leaders you suck so bad at killing people you gave birth to another target. Oh but we're just getting started folks on how much this movie is a blight upon the planet. Now let me be clear, I have no issue with a cult which started in ancient times, it ties well with Season Of The Witch and the origins of Halloween. Just don't add Michael Myers to the mix. Leave that to another movie outside this series. Or hell, if Halloween followed in the direction set by Season Of The Witch this would be awesome! A return of the mystical, sacrificial origins of Halloween, maybe with Connal Cochran back somehow in a new body with a new plan! God, that would be an amazing return after 2 anthology movies! But it's not all down to the cult why this movie sucks the root, it is a shoddily made movie almost akin to a trashy, 90s, trying to hard to be edgy, music video long before Rob Zombie got his hands on this series, with oblique angles, nauseating use of strobe lights, idiotic and out of place edits, almost as if the movie is trying to compensate for lack of story with visuals seen from an amateur filmmaker who really wanted to make this series edgy and a bit grunge. Just how did this series fall so far? Who dropped the ball and let it roll down the hill into the lake? The actor's suck, especially with the guy who plays Tommy, I know they try to pass off he's been not all mentally there after the events of the first movie but I got news for you, it didn't work. I mean like, Razzie award winning, did. Not. Work. Donald Pleasance is the only man who's trying, and it saddens me this movie was his last movie. The film is in memory of him, and what a great tribute. This may be worse than Expendables 3. No, scratch that. It is. At least Expendables 3 still felt like The Expendables, and yes it did have a direct to DVD direction to it but at least it kinda made sense. This movie? Dare even say it's the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Manos, The Room, Birdemic, Sharknado, Baby Geniuses ain't got nothing on this movie. There are exactly 2 good things in this movie, Donald Pleasance and the death of Mr. Strode cause he was a massive cock. I am livid right now and I have no idea how to calm down, other than stab several people to death with a Lamson 9" kitchen knife, but that shit is expensive so here I am. I'm done. Halloween: 20 Years Later tomorrow, or Halloween H20 for you people out there. It's 20 Years Later, what wiseass thought that was a good idea? Whatever, f*** it I'm done, goodnight.

Halloween 5

I think it's at this point you can stop watching Halloween for awhile.

Not to say Halloween 5 is terrible, that honor belongs to the next movie we're talking about, but this movie is a step down from a really damn good sequel. Okay, what do we need to know? It's been a full year since Michael returned to Haddonfield, Jamie has formed some odd psychic connection with her uncle after the end of Halloween 4, Loomis is still on his crusade and even more unhinged than usual, and we get a bunch of sucky side characters that were created only to die. I will stand up for one character though Tina, played by Wendy Kaplan, I actually really like her in this movie. And I don't think I've heard one good thing about this character, that she's over the top, doesn't fit the style of the movie, blah blah blah, and to that I rebuke on the case of one small scene. Jamie has lost her voice and doesn't start speaking until the halfway point, she sees Tina and starts to talk and genuinely does not want her to go out and to stay with her to the point of having a breakdown, but Tina leaves and speaks with Dr. Loomis and for one brief moment she holds back tears. She acts silly to hide the fact she is on the verge of tears, that one fleeting moment can be read into very deeply. So leave Tina alone, she is a welcome addition to the Halloween family. And Danielle does a great job, most people brush off her performance as just this sobbing, incoherent, and annoying girl but honestly you would be freaking the hell out in her situation! You would be living in constant fear and worry! Piss off, that is real. But I think easily the best performance is from our good friend Mr. Pleasance. I've heard tons of people say his performance feels tired, but that's how Dr. Loomis would be after hunting this guy for the better part of a decade, you get the sense he is taking his obsession to the next level. It's pretty intense. But there's one scene, I'm not gonna say it for I want to people to be surprised who haven't seen the movie yet, but for those who have you know the scene at the end with Dr. Loomis. My jaw still drops to the floor everytime I see it, cause I just can't believe he did that. It's incredible and even a little disturbing. Just wow guys, great job there. So the film has redeeming qualities, it's not that bad but by no means does it top the previous film, and I am quite happy I saw it again after quite a few years. I remember when these two movies came on all the time on AMC in October, hell I think I saw Halloween 4 and 5 before even the first one when I was around 9 or 10. But now we are approaching the Halloween movie I never saw nor ever wanted to see. Tomorrow we look at The Curse Of Michael Myers. I'm going to die.

Halloween 4

Though I do stand on my basis that Halloween 1, 2, and 3 is the beginning, middle, and end of the series for me, Halloween 4 is still a really good movie!

10 long years after that bloody night of Halloween 1978, Michael Myers awakens from a coma and travels back to Haddonfield to kill his niece Jamie Lloyd while the town tries to stop him. I love that this is a sequel that ups the stakes and how the story plays, Michael isn't going after a 19 year old girl he's after a little girl who's 9 years old, the whole town of Haddonfield knows who Michael is and tries to stop him despite losing almost the entire police force, it's story elements like that which build an enormous sense of dread and that is apparent from the opening credits. Those opening credits are incredible. I daresay it could even be better than the original Halloween credits, that atmospheric droning, and title cards that literally glow in the dark and yet surprisingly nicely decorated farm, even if you don't want to see the movie you have to see these credits. I surprisingly have never felt dread in a Halloween movie until this one, the filmmakers knew what they wanted, how to do it, and how to make it effective. Casting for example is excellent, though Donald Pleasance gets top billing the true star of this show is little Danielle Harris, and I have to say if I was a legit movie critic back in the day this movie and even more so Halloween 5 would make me proclaim Danielle Harris as the Princess Of Horror. We all know Vincent Price is the Prince Of Horror, but we never really got prominent female leads in multiple examples of the genre until around the 1980s. Everyone knows the term Scream Queen, but Danielle rises above that, she is the Princess Of Horror in my mind, her love and dedication to the genre has garnered her thousands of fans and I'm proud to be one of them. I have to say I watched documentaries on all the Halloween films recently, and I highly recommend you watch some on YouTube, it enhances the quality of these movies particularly Halloween 4. You get a real sense of love, dedication,and even family with this cast of people and these crew members, which hightened my enjoyment of the film even more. Halloween 4 is a return to form and done very well, and despite my love of the idea of a Halloween anthology series from 3 onwards, I like this movie a lot. Good atmosphere, incredible sense of dread around Michael, wonderful actors doing great work, made with love towards the series, and the high point of this week, for now. Next up Halloween 5!

Halloween II (1981)

Can you guess where this is going now?

Halloween II picks up exactly where the first movie left off, with Michael still on the hunt and Laurie being brought to the hospital. And for a sequel, it's not as great as the first movie but still a good movie with possibly even better music than the first, a truly creepy setting in a strangely abandoned hospital, still really good acting from both Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasence, and even tapped in more with the slasher genre. Now John Carpenter did not direct the sequel but he did help write it, so the writing is good and the direction isn't half bad. If you want to know more about that, do what I did, look up Monstervision on YouTube where they look at Halloween II you will learn a lot about this movie. And I have to applaud the ending which is definite and final. All in all it is not really necessary to watch Halloween II unless you want a ending to the first movie's cliffhanger or if you like when Halloween gets more in the slasher genre. The first movie is an absolute must so check it out. We got one more treat to give before the Halloween night begins so stay tuned.

Halloween (1978)

Yeah! What else would we review on our first Halloween?

This movie is still great after 40 years. Who hasn't seen this movie? Do I even have to relay the plot? Okay, Michael Myers killed his sister on Halloween night and has spent 15 years in an asylum and breaks out and starts murdering babysitters on Halloween. Simple plot, but garnered so much praise and no matter where you are they still show it in theatres on Halloween. John Carpenter did an amazing job with this movie, and got the slasher genre going because of it. Even though the movie is set in the 70's it doesn't seem outdated at all, except for an over use of 'Totally' and I know they said it back then but good lord. Maybe that's the joke. Anyway, the cast is grand too. Jamie Lee Curtis became the scream queen because of this movie and she is really dang good, Donald Pleasence I think is perfect casting for Dr. Loomis and I think it would be hard to replace him with anyone else. The music by John Carpenter is chilling and it gives the holiday Halloween almost a theme song. Oh, and you better believe that I watch this every October 31st. But we have more treats to give out today before nightfall...