The Beekeeper

At last.

Very different than what I expected this movie to be, cause you read the synopsis and it seems very typical revenge story actionsploitation fluff piece and while it does tread in that direction it adds a lot more layers to it. Does it succeed? Let's find out. So our story follows retired badass Adam Clay who on finding his lovely employer's accounts being emptied by a scammer online takes it on himself to right the wrong no matter how high up the ladder this goes or how many people get in his way. What I have to applaud the movie for somewhat is the fact it tries to craft it's world quickly, it establishes the Beekeepers as a super hush hush black ops team independent of any government body, the affiliated baddies have ties to government officials, and we have two FBI agents on the tale of Adam who are learning this as we the audience learn it. Now it mostly works I will grant you and the fact I've never really seen an action movie take on a more conspiratorial governement agency angle before lends it a unique identity. However I think it tries juggling a few too many plot pieces and there are some inconsistencies and flat out dropped aspects, but I think it comes through on top. Jason is a more subtle actor I feel in the movies I've seen of his, he doesn't go all out in showing his emotions but you get moments, hints, dashes of underplayed remorse and hurt on his face at times here and I don't need to speak much on his physicality and action prowess because well we know he has a certain set of skills. Emmy Raver-Lampman while I like her performance throughout the only note I have to add is she's kind of a flippant wiseass (which I love) but her mom friggin' dies in this movie and I feel that's not how you would act after such an event, but I don't blame her for a microsecond. It's one of the few instances of tonal whiplash and inconsistencies found. I feel the trailer makes Jeremy Irons out as the big villain but that's far from the case, if anything he's trying to play peacekeeper and he gets some pretty funny lines I gotta admit, so it's great to see him. It took me for friggin' ever to remember where I saw Josh Hutcherson before, turns out I know him from Zathura and Bridge To Terabithia, and he's a right little shit in this film I mean he plays it really well but it's odd to see him as the true antagonistic force in play here. Major twist here the light of my life Jemma Redgrave is in this movie, yes Kate Stewart herself and she plays the President of all things and of course they address her as Madame President (cough Doctor Who reference cough), so I was having a blast seeing my world saving queen on the big screen. The action is spread out enough and fairly friggin' brutal at times and for a film that's about an hour and a half long, it's paced just right. It's standard action fare but done right so it's worth seeing if that's your cup of tea or you're just a Jason Statham fan. I give it 2.5 stars, 7.5/10, another new film incoming tomorrow so stay tuned.

Expendables 4

There is no way in hell I'm spelling the title the same way as the poster.

Okay guys I gotta level with you, the only reason I saw this movie in theaters, or truthfully ever, is through pure spite of the last movie. Yes I still hold unbelievable hate for that movie and was hoping against hope that this one would redeem the series for me. Did it succeed? Welllll....no. Yes. Kinda. But not really. I'd take it over 3 but it only squeezed by like a notch, a gnat's wing. So story time, villain obtains detonators for nuclear weapon and wants to start World War 3 between America and Russia. Why? Because shut up I said so. Expendables get called in to sort the situation, action ensues. Fin. I never expect much in terms of story it's all about the action and spectacle, and while I can say it's handled with great economics in terms of settings and story, everything else is ehh. Acting is decent, I still say Dolph is the best part for me anyway. The action was actually okay, they brought the blood back, you get a good deal of fights throughout, and the choreography is pretty good. I know that special effects are just a tool, a means of telling a story but crikey this was harboring on PS3 graphics I mean it looked rough, some was decent but some ain't. I hate to say it but it doesn't feel much like a theatrical film, and hand over my heart it's not much of a rental either. And I was kinda giving it some points for the pre-title sequence, they have the balls to shoot a kid and kill off one of our big main characters but it very much gets hand waved away at the end and I did not like it one bit. Cause it seems to be moving forward, getting some new blood in, not afraid to kill off main characters, but it really doesn't do much in actuality. I know the point of The Expendables is a throwback to actionsploitation films of yesteryear, and I'm far from expecting cinematic revolution when seeing a new one, but you can live without this movie. I'd give it 1.5 stars, 5/10, and if I had to rank them in case this would be the last: 

1. Expendables 2, 2. The Expendables, 3. Expendables 4, 4. Expendables 3. 

I mean perhaps some people can get a bit out of it, but I wash my hands of this and am gearing up for a tiny comeback.

Crank

What the shit was that?




I'm honestly speechless. It's been a minute since I've seen an action movie this batshit, it's kind of incredible to behold from start to finish. So the basic story is an assassin named Chev, played by Jason Statham before he got super famous, is injected with a virus known only as "the chinese shit" that will kill him in one hour, but the man has stuff to do, places to be, and people to kill and quickly finds out if he keeps his adrenaline pumping constantly it won't kill him as fast. So it's like if Speed was a human body instead of a bus, and the movie kicks off almost from the word go. Terrific opening by the way, this movie sold me with Quiet Riot and a 80s arcade machine style title card, and I...I don't know what else I can say. The movie itself is shot like it just did four lines of cocaine and chugged 12 energy drinks, with lots of handheld running shots which thankfully aren't shaky, slick as hell editing, dramatic zooms and camera sweeps, the cinematography itself exudes energy, frantic speed, and an accelerating heart rate. I don't fully know what the definition of an exploitation movie is but this almost seems to fit the bill, fully warranting the R rating with lots of balls to the wall action, sex and nudity, and language. But what's great is it's just so over the top, pass 11 and goes to a 12 that you can't help but laugh at the insanity. Sure, do some cocaine off a gross bathroom floor, go for it and rail your girlfriend in a public crowd, yeah let's go wreck shit and chug Red Bull, so much happens you kinda are left reeling throughout. But that's the fun of it. Our main character isn't a great guy by any stretch, he's a bit of an asshole to more than just the people who poisoned him and pulls some hardcore dick moves but Jason makes it work. I never had any opinion on the guy but after seeing this I can understand why he gained a lot of popularity through the years. Amy Smart is kind of a mess, but an insanely cute hilarious mess that adds to the chaos and yet can bring the film down periodically for a slow more intimate scene. Jose Pablo Cantillo is an assssshooooole in this movie but hot damn does he play it well, that perfect villain you just enjoy hating to the max. We got two surprise cameos in this movie, Efren Ramirez plays a small supporting role and it's wild seeing Pedro in this, but yet again motherf***ing Sam Witwer pops up again clear out of the blue as a rando henchmen I don't even think he has a line but you can bet your sweet sainted mother I lost my shit something fierce seeing him near the end. Hell I could almost argue he plays a big role in how the climax resolves, just like Maul you never expect him but he'll shank you before the end. Mental action, surprisingly funny, a complete mindmelting crazy movie but done much better than you would think. What do I even rate it? In terms of entertainment I'd give it a 9, in terms of story and technicals I'd give it a solid 7.5, soooo I'll give it 4 stars, 8/10, and tomorrow we're going foreign action with one of the cornerstones of the genre.

Wrath Of Man

Kind of a bummer after the surprisingly light and highly entertaining Nobody.

It's good to see a Guy Ritchie film again, and he commits to telling a very grounded, very serious, very heavy film. Now I respect and admire films of this kind, there's action movie fluff but then there is stuff like Wrath Of Man that just goes full f***ing force off the edge into some heavy shit. The plot follows a security truck driver who has more to his past than he leads on as he thwarts robberies with an ulterior motive in the revenge department. There truly is a lot I can't talk about for the sake of not ruining the movie. Guy really brings his camera work to this picture, and the storytelling aspects jumps around a bit in time but each segment of the film, included with title cards and all, is just as important as the one preceding it and it only gets more dense and involved as it goes along. You can tell there is something there to this security guy named H but even I didn't fully anticipate or grasp who and what he was even after the film told me. It works well with it's reveals, not so much plot twists but how it goes about telling you the backstory of events, the best example of which is the inciting incident that kicks off the film both literally and in terms of H's story. You see it from H's perspective, the security guard's perspective, and the robber's perspective, not once feeling like padding or treading the same waters. The action parts have no stylized or entertaining factors to it, it's treated as seriously as it should, almost in the way war films depict gunfights. It's brutal, unforgiving, has the balls to kill anybody, and while the film has a traditional ending of revenge flicks it doesn't detract from how the rest of the film is presented. It's a different kind of entertainment value but one that should be looked at despite it's serious nature. 3 stars, 7.5/10. New movies incoming next time, so I will see you then.

Snatch

Yet another movie I've never seen and really liked.

Guy Ritchie man. Say what you will about the guy but the way his movies flow and are told are on point like hell! Seriously with a concept of various groups and interests all hunting down a diamond, it certainly can keep your attention and keep you guessing. The editing is flippin' genius, that's the only way I can describe it. Like I have to know who edits Guy Ritchie's films! Hang on a sec. Jon Harris. Like man, you got this down to a science, well done! So yeah, this movie really is a ride to say the least, I was thoroughly enjoying myself all the way through. Very funny, with good characters, a dash of action, and a one great big chase scene for a diamond that encompasses the movie from start to finish. You write down the plot on a piece of paper and it sounds so rubbish and no fun, bit then you watch the movie with the borderline comic characters, the great black comedy, and all the strange situations that keep popping up and by God you got yourself a great movie! I'd definitely buy it, and do very highly recommend you view it at least once in your life. The thrill is in the chase, never in the capture and whatnot.

Brand new movie tomorrow! Yes, we will be looking at the new heist/comedy movie Logan Lucky tomorrow so stay tuned for that.

The Expendables 3

This movie is horrible! It's friggin' horrible!

Where do I start with this terrible movie? Everything you enjoyed in the last two Expendables movie are no longer here. The Expendables 2 is the best movie out of all three of them, and to tell you the truth I didn't like the first Expendables movie that much, but I could give it a pass because it was the first movie in the franchise, it's not easy creating a world and creating the characters in that world and just having it's own image and it's own way of doing things. By the second movie, they got it really right! Expendables 2 was glorious, it was awesome! By the end of that movie you were still talking about some of your favorite scenes, but not in this piece of garbage! The story is boring, we get a whole new cast of members of The Expendables that we don't care about, there is hardly any blood in the movie whatsoever unlike Expendables 2 where there was blood and limbs and heads being shot off, this movie barely has a cup of blood to show on screen, the CGI is terrible, I mean terrible in this movie. Before, the CGI was decent and looked semi-realistic but in this movie it looks like it came straight out of a video game from 2003, in fact all of the effects are terrible and shoddy in this movie, and really you know what it is like? It's like a direct to DVD Expendables movie. Those bargain bin movies you see at a video store that are so terrible and cheap you wouldn't think for a second to even look through them. That is this movie! And I am serious here, half the damn movie and I do mean half the damn movie is spent looking for these new assholes to join the team. There are several scenes that just waste your time like there are two scenes, I swear to God that pretty much goes like this...Mel Gibson the villain walks into an art museum looks at a painting, describes how horrible it looks and buys it for $3 million dollars. End of scene. Soon to be followed by, Mel Gibson's character delivering said painting to some nameless woman we never met before and will never see again. End of scene. Waste of time! But oh wait, there's more! In one scene Sylvester Stallone informs the old members of The Expendables that they are getting too old for the job and he breaks up the band, so of course we have to see the old members moaning and moping around for about three minutes before we can finally get back to the story, or what passes for a story. What's the story you might ask? Well The Expendables are hired to take out Mel Gibson's character and we soon discover that he was a member of The Expendables too back in the day (dun dun duuuuuh!!!) but he went rogue and did unspeakable things that the movie never decides to tell us about, and I am serious. I was expecting some sort of flashback scene to explain why the characters get so huffy when he is brought up, it never happens. We don't barely have any backstory to his character, and while it is kinda fun to see Mel Gibson just kinda be Mel Gibson in this movie, and he does make you chuckle in a few scenes but ultimately is forgettable. We get Wesley Snipes and Antonio Banderas in this movie as new members of the team, and Antonio Banderas is so annoying in this movie, all he does is talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and maybe shoot a few guys, and talk. And Wesley Snipes, you know the first time you see him the team busts him out of this prison train and he's got this beard and like this afro, so for the rest of the movie I called him Afro Blade and he does nothing but he did make me laugh a bit. Horrible! This movie is fraking horrible!! Do not watch this movie! It is not worth your time and money! Watch The Expendables 2, do not touch this movie. Even if you are curious do not see this movie! I need a damn drink after all of this...and the funny part was I have never seen this movie before, but I really didn't want to watch or review this movie. I mean at all. I did not want to watch this. I swear I have this sixth sense about movies where I automatically can tell if it's going to be a huge piece of crap, okay, or pretty damn good. This was a huge piece of crap. Stay away from this movie!

The Expendables 2

Re-watching this again, I have to say it's leaps and bounds better than the first.



I'm serious, everything that was good in the first Expendables is even better in the second one. The dialogue is better and is even funnier than the first, we get to know the characters better and even see some new additions to the team, the action is just all around better and that is very evident from the very first action scene, cause in the first movie it was really just a standoff for some hostages but in the second one it's a straight up rescue mission and it is so much bigger and more flashy and exciting. So the story of The Expendables 2 is that Bruce Willis contacts Sylvester Stallone and company to retrieve a mysterious object from a shot down plane in Albania, the team soon gathers together including their two new members of the team played by Liam Hemsworth and Nan Yu to retrieve secret data and return it back to the U.S. government before it falls into the wrong hands. But our heroes soon come face to face with the villain of the movie, whose name is Vilain....I am so not kidding it's only one letter away from spelling villain played by Guile himself from Street Fighter The Movie, Jean-Claude Van Damme who I got to say is an interesting choice for the villain of this movie and I'm not sure why but he's just a joy to watch. And just like in Street Fighter I can barely understand what he is saying, like I understand Christian Bale's Batman better than this guy. His accent is what does it, it sounds ger-russian-nese but it's still pretty cool to see him in the movie. So the chase is on to stop Vilain from using the secret data to cause chaos in the world. I think the reason why I enjoy this movie better than the first is because of the better dialogue and the new characters we get to see in action, even though the dialogue is very tongue and cheek sometimes, like there's this scene where Arnold Schwarzenegger tells Terry Crews to give him his gun and Terry Crews says, "If I don't get this back your ass is terminated." and it's dialogue like that which makes he movie a bit more fun, but we don't only get to see Arnold throw down and shoot em' up, we even get the most badass dude in existence to help out our heroes, Chuck Norris. And yeah he kicks the most ass in this movie, he's one handing this big machine gun tearing through guys left and right, he takes out a friggin' tank and he even says one of the Chuck Norris facts about how a king cobra bit him and after 5 days of pain the cobra died. Best part of the movie but another fantastic part of the movie is Dolph Lundgren and he is my favorite character in the entire film, cause he is super smart like he can make a bomb out of just a few ingredients, and he keeps hitting on the girl who tags along on the mission with him, he's totally awesome. So yeah, this movie was a hell of a lot better than the first, and I think the best part of The Expendables movies are the continuity is loose, like it's not necessary to watch the first movie to get the second movie so you can just skip the first movie and go straight for the second movie. This is The Expendables movie you have to see if you want to watch the franchise, so I hope you enjoy it just as much as I did, and I will see you guys and gals tomorrow when we wrap up the trilogy.

The Expendables

What better way to start the month of July and build up to our Independence Day than to review a trilogy of hardcore action movies starring the biggest names of the action hero genre?



So The expendables is a true love letter to action films both old and new, starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren among many others as mercenaries hired by the U.S. government to take out a dictator. This plot could not get any more action hero if it tried. But it's a damn good movie with a lot of it's own merits, mainly the acting, the characters, and of course the action scenes. Now let's be honest here, this is not a great film as far as action movies go but it's a cut above the rest only because of the stars of the movie. If you have ever seen an action film from the 1980's onward, chances are you know who these people are and what their reputation is in the film industry. And even I have to admit it's pretty friggin' cool to see all these action movie stars kick some ass even if some of them are getting up there in the years, they still got it! And it is built entirely around the characters, their actions, their personalities, their past, all of it only contributes to the movie, and it shows they are not a perfect team, they bicker, they fight each other, but in the end they are still a team and give a damn about each other. And you really get the sense of that which makes them even more enjoyable. The acting is good, the directing shows you exactly what you need to see, the dialogue between the characters is really the best part of the movie in my humble opinion but the action is well choreographed and they are not afraid to show blood and violence, the characters are interesting enough so you don't just write them off as typical action movie heroes, the music for lack of a better word has that honky-tonk rock tone to it and it's pretty cool, the plot is pretty basic but you really can't be expecting Shakespeare in an action movie called The Expendables. Yeah it is just kind of a dumb action guy flick but it does have more to it than what you expect and I'm sure you will find it very enjoyable and interesting to watch nevertheless, especially if you are a big fan of action movies and action movie stars both old and new. I quite enjoyed The Expendables, and I hope you do too.



Tune in tomorrow where we review the second installation of The Expendables trilogy, and I hope to God it stays a trilogy.