Crank

What the shit was that?




I'm honestly speechless. It's been a minute since I've seen an action movie this batshit, it's kind of incredible to behold from start to finish. So the basic story is an assassin named Chev, played by Jason Statham before he got super famous, is injected with a virus known only as "the chinese shit" that will kill him in one hour, but the man has stuff to do, places to be, and people to kill and quickly finds out if he keeps his adrenaline pumping constantly it won't kill him as fast. So it's like if Speed was a human body instead of a bus, and the movie kicks off almost from the word go. Terrific opening by the way, this movie sold me with Quiet Riot and a 80s arcade machine style title card, and I...I don't know what else I can say. The movie itself is shot like it just did four lines of cocaine and chugged 12 energy drinks, with lots of handheld running shots which thankfully aren't shaky, slick as hell editing, dramatic zooms and camera sweeps, the cinematography itself exudes energy, frantic speed, and an accelerating heart rate. I don't fully know what the definition of an exploitation movie is but this almost seems to fit the bill, fully warranting the R rating with lots of balls to the wall action, sex and nudity, and language. But what's great is it's just so over the top, pass 11 and goes to a 12 that you can't help but laugh at the insanity. Sure, do some cocaine off a gross bathroom floor, go for it and rail your girlfriend in a public crowd, yeah let's go wreck shit and chug Red Bull, so much happens you kinda are left reeling throughout. But that's the fun of it. Our main character isn't a great guy by any stretch, he's a bit of an asshole to more than just the people who poisoned him and pulls some hardcore dick moves but Jason makes it work. I never had any opinion on the guy but after seeing this I can understand why he gained a lot of popularity through the years. Amy Smart is kind of a mess, but an insanely cute hilarious mess that adds to the chaos and yet can bring the film down periodically for a slow more intimate scene. Jose Pablo Cantillo is an assssshooooole in this movie but hot damn does he play it well, that perfect villain you just enjoy hating to the max. We got two surprise cameos in this movie, Efren Ramirez plays a small supporting role and it's wild seeing Pedro in this, but yet again motherf***ing Sam Witwer pops up again clear out of the blue as a rando henchmen I don't even think he has a line but you can bet your sweet sainted mother I lost my shit something fierce seeing him near the end. Hell I could almost argue he plays a big role in how the climax resolves, just like Maul you never expect him but he'll shank you before the end. Mental action, surprisingly funny, a complete mindmelting crazy movie but done much better than you would think. What do I even rate it? In terms of entertainment I'd give it a 9, in terms of story and technicals I'd give it a solid 7.5, soooo I'll give it 4 stars, 8/10, and tomorrow we're going foreign action with one of the cornerstones of the genre.

Cry Macho

Man this was a perfect end cap for this week.

Cry Macho I will firmly say is not a masterpiece but it was much better than I expected. It's a very mellow role for Clint as a broken down horse wrangler named Mike sent to Mexico to bring his boss' son over to the States. And believe it or not, for a film with that simple of a premise there is a lot to unpack and read into. Quite a bit happens in this movie, both positive and negative that affects our duo in their journey. I might say this is my favorite Clint Eastwood role, like if Gran Torino wasn't as amazing as it is this film would have no competition. I genuinely feel like this is what the real Clint is like, oh sure he has his gruff and crotchety moments, but you get a lot of humor, love, and wisdom out of him in this and it's nigh impossible to say one bad thing about him. I know some people might give Eduardo Minett a rough time, but he's playing a teenager, teenagers are a lot of talk, very sure of themselves and yet driftless in making decisions and have a lot of reservations about themselves. He plays that perfectly! He's still a kid and gets checked by Mike as they grow this bond. They make their trek, learn about each other, Mike teaches him how to ride horses, Rafo gets him to appreciate his rooster Macho, hell they even find love interests. They kinda make a semi-new life for themselves in this town and you know exactly what this is like. Whether you went on a vacation, or changed schools, or met these really lovely people who you know you probably won't meet again, and it's so bittersweet. And now comes the part where I shamelessly admire Natalia Traven, who not only is a gorgeous woman who I would blush profusely in her presence, but easily has one of the best romances I have seen in movies in a long time. The chemistry between Marta and Mike is f***ing lovely. Like stole my heart and ran to the bank with it! It was so gosh darn gee willikers sweet, I was all there for it. And this has one of the nicest endings to a Clint Eastwood film period. So yeah call me a fan, because I loved this film. 4 stars, 8/10, by all means give it a watch cause it is fully worth your time.