Crank

What the shit was that?




I'm honestly speechless. It's been a minute since I've seen an action movie this batshit, it's kind of incredible to behold from start to finish. So the basic story is an assassin named Chev, played by Jason Statham before he got super famous, is injected with a virus known only as "the chinese shit" that will kill him in one hour, but the man has stuff to do, places to be, and people to kill and quickly finds out if he keeps his adrenaline pumping constantly it won't kill him as fast. So it's like if Speed was a human body instead of a bus, and the movie kicks off almost from the word go. Terrific opening by the way, this movie sold me with Quiet Riot and a 80s arcade machine style title card, and I...I don't know what else I can say. The movie itself is shot like it just did four lines of cocaine and chugged 12 energy drinks, with lots of handheld running shots which thankfully aren't shaky, slick as hell editing, dramatic zooms and camera sweeps, the cinematography itself exudes energy, frantic speed, and an accelerating heart rate. I don't fully know what the definition of an exploitation movie is but this almost seems to fit the bill, fully warranting the R rating with lots of balls to the wall action, sex and nudity, and language. But what's great is it's just so over the top, pass 11 and goes to a 12 that you can't help but laugh at the insanity. Sure, do some cocaine off a gross bathroom floor, go for it and rail your girlfriend in a public crowd, yeah let's go wreck shit and chug Red Bull, so much happens you kinda are left reeling throughout. But that's the fun of it. Our main character isn't a great guy by any stretch, he's a bit of an asshole to more than just the people who poisoned him and pulls some hardcore dick moves but Jason makes it work. I never had any opinion on the guy but after seeing this I can understand why he gained a lot of popularity through the years. Amy Smart is kind of a mess, but an insanely cute hilarious mess that adds to the chaos and yet can bring the film down periodically for a slow more intimate scene. Jose Pablo Cantillo is an assssshooooole in this movie but hot damn does he play it well, that perfect villain you just enjoy hating to the max. We got two surprise cameos in this movie, Efren Ramirez plays a small supporting role and it's wild seeing Pedro in this, but yet again motherf***ing Sam Witwer pops up again clear out of the blue as a rando henchmen I don't even think he has a line but you can bet your sweet sainted mother I lost my shit something fierce seeing him near the end. Hell I could almost argue he plays a big role in how the climax resolves, just like Maul you never expect him but he'll shank you before the end. Mental action, surprisingly funny, a complete mindmelting crazy movie but done much better than you would think. What do I even rate it? In terms of entertainment I'd give it a 9, in terms of story and technicals I'd give it a solid 7.5, soooo I'll give it 4 stars, 8/10, and tomorrow we're going foreign action with one of the cornerstones of the genre.