Friday, May 25, 2018


Huh. Well that went well.

You know, for a movie that absolutely no one including myself either wanted or had any faith's a good movie guys. Is it great? No. Is it the best Star Wars movie I have seen? Absolutely not, I rank it above The Force Awakens but just below Last Jedi. But it surprisingly hit the mark I wanted, they made it a western. Not outright, but they took concepts of western movies and tweaked it to fit in the Star Wars universe. Rogue-ish hero loses the woman he loves, meets a band of outlaws, performs a train robbery, meets the villain, gets in contact with a suave smuggler, essentially performs a gold heist for the villain, only to culminate in a final fight, peppered with action scenes and double crosses throughout the whole film. That's pretty much how it goes, and I do enjoy it. The action is good but mostly like in a western, most of it deals with planning, build up, and talking but it works. The characters are, kinda hit and miss. Alden Ehrenreich is a good young Han Solo, he's not full on Harrison Ford but you can see it. Within the film, the mythos work for Han Solo, I believe this is how his story went. Donald Glover said all of 2 lines then I was sold that he was Lando, he was great. Emilia Clarke (who I just remembered is the dragon chick from Game Of Thrones) is...decent, but her character was just sorta there. Woody Harrelson didn't take the mentor role like we thought, he just sees potential in Han and hires him, so he did well. But I won't lie, the movie has issues but not movie breaking issues, just stuff that really annoyed me. The bad part is, there's no real villain. That cool viking looking dude completely shit the bed, I'm so tempted to reveal this twistb you guys are gonna love it! So this really cool guy, who can handle himself in a fight and leads a group of pirates is, get this.....a 14 year old girl. Are you dead sucking ferious? This short ass, freckled, curly haired girl who hasn't even hit her first period is leading a group of maurauders?? Kiss the darkest part of my pale white ass! But wait, there's more! L3-37. Okay. *RANT INCOMING* To fully grasp my issue with this character, I need to divulge something. I am part of a Star Wars group on Facebook, and quite a few, not all, but a few are these jackasses that throw terms like feminist, feminazi, SJW, and cuck around like it's candy. They cannot get off their high horse and just agree that women can do buisness and that Disney is shoving girls down our throat at every turn. Now they are semi-correct. Episode 7, we got Rey and people still bitch about Rey. Rogue One, we got Jyn and not many people complained. Star Wars Battlefront 2 we got Iden Versio, and I have severe issues with her but not because she was a woman but because she was a TRAITOR!! Episode 8, we got Rose and apparently I was the only one who liked her. Now in Solo, we got L3-37, who is without a shadow of a doubt the most annoying, brazen, and insufferable social justice warrior character. And it was funny cause when I heard her voice I was like "Oh hi Phasma, guess you needed to actually do something huh?", it's not really Phasma but it does sound like her. I don't know I just get the feeling that, 20 years down the road people are going to look back at movies from about 2015 to whenever these gender issues are resolved, and just wonder what the hell we were on about. People never get this, but the whole feminist thing is going to date certain movies badly, I'm not saying feminism is bad, but movie studios I feel don't fully get the term and thus date a movie. L3 broke my back, this was the character that made me just quit on girl characters in Star Wars. Iden was bad, but they didn't try anything with her, they just told her story and left. With Emilia Clarke, they told her story and didn't bullshit around. But L3 is equal rights this, and "liberating" minds of droids that. It gets old quick. But the good news is she dies! My point is, stop your political bullshit in movies, especially Star Wars! Star Wars is above your nonsensical f***ery! Stop it!! *RANT OVER* Anyway, what was I on about? Oh right bad things. There are some contrived scenes. Apparently Han Solo is not Han Solo, his name is just Han. Cause why would we want to just let his name be Han Solo? Oh let's make his last name just a made up name the Empire gave him when he enlisted! Idiots. He meets Chewie in a rancor like pit, apparently wookies eat people. Cause that makes sense! The talks about a rebellion, I mean really? We have Rebels for a damn reason people. But we get a special character near the end, and he makes up for most of the problems I had with the movie. No it's not Thrawn though God knows I wanted it to be.  But anyways, this is a good movie! It has slight issues but I can get over it (mostly) and you should go see it. And this is my sacrificial lamb for the Kenobi movie which has appeased the Disney gods and pre-production has started on it! Huzzah!

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