The Dead Don't Die

May be missing some bone in my skull but hey new movies, new reviews.

And in the case of The Dead Don't Die, see it. Just see it. If you can catch this movie in the theatre, do it. It is a lot of fun, it's friggin' weird for a zombie movie, and I really digged it. I almost expected a non-zombie movie because it takes awhile for the dead to rise and even then the movie's not centered on it. It's centered on a small town where there is some weird shit going down, days and nights stick around way too long, watches are frozen in time, the moon is glowing, only one song is heard constantly on the radio, it has a bit more of an apocalyptic feel almost. And there is indeed a reason for the dead rising, and I'm pretty sure it would take 20 minutes of Star Trek technobabble to explain it. But in the meantime we hang out with Bill Murray and Adam Driver as they drive around town and do their normal duties as police officers, and the funny thing is even when the zombies are shambling around they don't hop into action. Also free tip, Adam Driver knows what's up. Like this movie I swear has chronic self awareness, meaning they point out that this song which is also the title of the movie, is the theme. And I was like okay so we're self aware now? But thennthe movie keeps rambling on doing it's thing and it is so odd. I really like this movie, I enjoyed it but even then I can't deny it's weirdness. But you should see it regardless, and draw your own conclusions. I know I didn't divulge much beyond basic plot, and it's for the best trust me. When you watch it, you'll get what I mean, and maybe hopefully enjoy it.

Well that's all for now, but next week is no joke and we are going deep into nostalgic love.

House (1977)

What the somersaulting pink pythons was that??

I just wanted to review this movie cause I've never seen it, heard a bit about it, and wanted to see what it's all about. What I got was a film so batshit crazy it makes Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas a sobering and as real a movie you can get without it being Schindler's List! How do I talk about it? Other than attempt to dissect and better understand the movie by describing the madness on screen? Well, apparently this movie was the director's first attempt in feature length film production and many of the ideas came from nightmares and other horrorshow ideas of his young daughter and that's fine. There is nothing wrong with taking inspiration from childhood fears. But I don't have a flippin' clue where the rest of the movie's ideas came from. It takes the very simple concept of travellers entering a spooky haunted house to unparalleled new avenues and directions, with the actual style of editing and camera shooting like it was made more for a music video than a film, quite good actors especially since none of them had previous acting experience, and effects so experimental and not quite the greatest looking that I question if somebody slipped PCP in my drink and none of this is really happening. It certainly made me question if the production team had some high power blotter acid on set. It's such a visually interesting movie with stuff I've never even dreamed of seeing in a movie. It's pretty amazing. So amazing it's actually part of the Criterion Collection with it's library consisting of impressive, distinguished, and culturally cultivated films that had some impact and significance on the genre and film itself. I mean the effects are interesting if nothing else, the movie has a unique style to the point where the actual characters don't have names. I am not kidding, the group of girls who go this haunted house do not have names. Now in horror movies, specifically slasher movies you can label each character as part of a group, you got the pretty girl, the nerd, the meathead, the joker, and son on. No, no, no, no this is a whooole other level!  The characters names ARE their attributes, with names like Gorgeous, Fantasy, Professor, and Kung-Fu. I couldn't make this up if I tried. I am sad I lack the imagination to make this stuff up! I honestly really like all the girls, specifically Professor and Kung-Fu but what even are these names?? It's like Suspiria in terms of plot yet somehow makes even less sense, at least in Suspiria there was a reason to explain everything. Not here! I'd even take the, "And then I woke up." ending, at least it would explain the absurd nightmare events. And yeah the horror moments are sometimes horrific but other times it's so absurd and it makes me laugh in huge bursts. There's also a surprising amount of nudity that I wasn't expecting but really I've seen it all by now. Can I recommend it? I don't even know. The only way I could is if you are on some serious pain meds and you're being as weird and bizzare as the movie. Which I might be on very soon. So by all means knock yourself out or don't, but I will give props to Criterion for bringing this movie to my attention. I'm sure I'll watch it again. Tune in next time for The Dead Don't Die.

Good Omens

Yep, the newest Amazon show based on a book by two great writers Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.

I greatly enjoy their work and I had to read the book to fully be able to compare notes and judge if you can watch the series by itself and not lose any enjoyment, and thankfully you really don't. You get a lot more out of it if you read the book and it is a very good book, but you can spend an afternoon watching the show and get invested. Hell I only had two major flaws with the series, it was too short totaling in 6 episodes each an hour long, which is funny cause it took me about six hours to read the book but gah I wish it was longer! But is that really a bad thing if you want more? Not really. And the other flaw is a stigma because of it's short length, don't get me wrong this is a great adaptation nearly putting everything in, but it does lose some stuff. Not major story breaking stuff, it follows the major points of the book from beginning to end with some added content which I love, but more detail stuff that help immerse you in the world better. But what is this world exactly? Well a very long time ago, in the beginning some might say, in a lush garden an angel by the name of Aziraphale and a demon by the name of Crowley meet and after millenia they slowly become good friends and when the big day approaches of the end of the world, they have some differing opinions and formulate a plan to avert the apocalypse so they can keep enjoying Earth. It's an interesting story and the performances is what grabs you and makes you stick around! Michael Sheen is amazing, I think he was perfectly cast as a very prim and proper angel, and is a complete joy to watch. David Tennant gets to play a ginger demon who still has that style and charisma that made him beloved in Doctor Who, and if I'm being embarassingly honest I fully ship them. They are perfection, it was subtext in the book but it might as well be text in the show and I for one love it. And it ends just right, it put me in such a good mood! I loved it! In fact if you look at the cast for the series, and if you watch a lot of british television, you will recognize many of these names and they really don't skip out on the star power. I'll give you a buck if you can guess who voices Satan without looking it up. All the major players get plenty of screen time for the most part, the kids get sort of sidelined but it's not too bad. I'll also say the woman who plays our friendly witch Anathema who has certain knowledge of the end of days, is absurdly gorgeous yet her romance life feels a bit rushed but that's what it was like in the book too and it's no big deal when you get down to it. But the show knows where it's major priorities are and want to make a good adaptation, and the new stuff they throw in is great. I would fully endorse a Aziraphale and Crowley spin-off show detailing their various misadventures through centuries of friendship, because they do it so well in one of the episodes you want to see more! I also don't mind some superficial changes, I like how the Four Horsemen are split with two men (sort of) and two women, and I love the idea of the personification of war to be a woman. Usually people just rain down hate if something diversifies people from it's source material, but trust me it could be worse. J.K. Rowling could be pissing on Terry Pratchett's grave but it's done well. And yes, I would say though Good Omens is the brain child of both Neil and Terry, it's Terry's writing style that forms the book. If you've ever read one of his Discworld books, his sense of humor and writing prose becomes abundantly clear and the series tries to do justice to it but some of it falls flat if you haven't read the book, and to further prove my point I only know one person who speaks LIKE THIS in his writings. But what's missing out on a joke if the story and characters are still clearly defined and engaging? This is a really good series, criminally short, but entertaining and fun. Great production, excellent casting, a faithful script, and a witty and enjoyable however brief series. A definite recommendation from me, and perfect for people wanting more imaginative and original storytelling. And someone please write a series called Aziraphael And Crowley, while in the meantime I'm gonna listen to some Queen and have a nice meal.

Everybody Look What's Going Down...

Well good evening to you all. Just wanted to let you know what's happening here in the next month or 2 before we start our next week of reviews. I am taking some study time into my next review, it's based off a book by one of my favorite authors and I wanted to take notes and see how faithful it is. After that though...the rest of this month is a trainwreck. Too much stuff is coming out this month so I really had to pick and choose what I wanted to do cause when you have a job that starts around lunchtime and ends when the sun has gone down, time is not a major luxury! And sadly I really wanted to check out The Dead Don't Die because Adam Driver and Bill Murray versus zombies sounds a little too good to be true but I can't see it opening day, so I'll have to do it on Saturday instead. After that though it's a fairly stable week, and the last week drove me so insane that after constantly shifting from potential movie to potential movie, I'm taking my monthly break in July. There's stuff I want to see in August and September so July is the only option left. And can I just rant for a brief moment in time, there is way waaaaay too much horror stuff coming out before October, more Chucky movies, Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, IT: Chapter Two, if all this got pushed until October it would be the best October we have ever had on this show! And I think we have had some pretty good years, so that bugs me a bit but I can live. After that though, same old schedule. Just pray for me that I live to see August because the deep south in summer time might as well be one of the levels of Hell, and I am not a creature of light or warmth I mean I'm already hot enough, and the more I stay in my cave the better so consider July my hibernation period. So I will see you Monday, bye bye for now and goodnight all!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

And no it is not called Turtles In Time! I will stab the next person who even dares compares that game to this horrible movie!

How do you royally screw up the Turtles going back to feudal Japan? Well the answer is this movie but come on this idea is pretty awesome! In fact it's practically a staple in the series and it makes sense, the Foot Clan was founded in feudal Japan, Shredder's ancestors are from Japan, you could even do some bullcrap revisioned history where the Turtles teach ninjutsu to combat samurai or even aid samurai becauses the practices and cornerstones of ninjutsu were founded when samurai were still a force to be reckoned with! But nooooo! You pull a nonsensical Back To The Future rip off with terrible villains, a dull story, lackluster fights, and downright painful dialogue that I wouldn't force upon any child! Ugh, okay gotta backtrack. So the story opens up with April again played by Paige Turco purchasing a antique that turns out to be a time scepter whisking away not just her but all the turtles back to 17th century Japan where some rebellion is being formed against a tyranical Daimyo which is actually a step below in rank from a Shogun but whatever, so the Turtles have to do battle to reclaim the scepter and return to their time. It honestly doesn't sound that bad written on paper but the devil is in the details and there are a lot of details to talk about. The costumes though still maneuverable look like ass and that's mainly because Jim Henson's studio had no part of the effects like in the last two movie due to a low budget, which also made it difficult to do everything else. The villains are stock, we have the Daimyo and a british....arms dealer(?) I have no clue who he is and neither are very interesting or even entertaining. The sets while done well in some instances are very few so get used to seeing the sewer, the castle, and the village cause that's about it. They got Casey Jones back, same guy and everything which is really awesome cause he still has that charm and sense of humor but he is 150% wasted!! That sucks dude, he's a lot of fun in this movie and it was great seeing him back but he didn't have anything to do! I could totally see him beating the crap out of soldiers with his various sporting goods, hitting on every cute asian girl he sees, and the more I think about it he would be a regular Jack Burton from Big Trouble In Little China! Come on! That would be so cool! But no, wasted potential. The fights though on occasion shows the physical prowess of these stunt actors, just fall so short. It is about turtles who know ninja fighting styles versus samurai, how can you be this boring?? And the worst crime of all is the writing, the jokes are horrendous and sometimes make less than zero sense, the dialogue itself sometimes isn't bad but it's on such rare occassion you just check out. God this really pisses me off now, because the first movie was just right in every aspect and was honestly a great and fun movie for kids that even adults could enjoy and sit through, then we get to the second where it's a bit more silly and corny but you can watch it as a guilty pleasure because you still have fun with it's absurdness. But this? Ugh. Stay away. Just...just don't. The Nostalgia Critic's reaction was pretty spot on, and created the perfect word to describe it. Now all I want to do is watch the first movie and about 3 Kurosawa movies to wash this garbage out of my mouth. And you should too, watch the first movie and a combination of Throne Of Blood, Sanjuro, and Ran. Done! Perfect! Skip this horrible death of a promising series of Ninja Turtle action. I also highly recommend the Critic and AVGN's reviews as well, very entertaining and can put it into better perspective. And I have an update for everyone this Saturday. Damn! What a bad movie!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze

Yeahhhh this movie isn't that great.

I sure loved it as a kid though and while I did have fun with it now, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 does not pull an Empire Strikes Back in terms of quality. But it's a fine movie, it's a guilty pleasure if nothing else, but certainly not horrible. Okay so we pick up surprisingly not long after the Turtles beat Shredder, as they have shacked up with April while trying to find a new place to live, and I gotta say the continuity was such a nice surprise and is one of the few better things in the movie, meanwhile Shredder has returned and acquires a canister of ooze with mutagenic properties in which he makes (not) Bebop and Rocksteady and wages war once again with our favorite pizza eating reptiles. You can very quickly tell the tone has changed almost a 180° from the opening credits, bright colorful opening shots of New York City with even more colorful title cards, already throwing the more edgy gritty view out the window. I will say however that pizza has never looked better outside the Goofy movies in this opening sequence. Soon we meet our big co-star Keano who actually played Donatello's actual physical stuntperson in the first movie, and he's okay but they don't do much with him and you miss the charm of Casey Jones in this movie but I can't bash the kid too much. We get a new actress as April and I like her too, I get the more feisty reporter angle from this April though the original is still my favorite. And last but certainly not least we have an acclaimed actor here for.....some reason! Yeah I have no idea why David Warner is here but screw it he's the best part of the movie hands down. Again, I don't hate the movie but most everyone unanimously agrees it's a step down in quality but there was a lot I liked. Our new side characters are good actors, David Warner is awesome as always though even he looks confused at what movie he's in, I dig the fact Shredder looks more like the cartoon version but alas no Uncle Phil voice, Tokah and Rahzar are cool looking villains for the Turtles though apparently they actually did want Bebop and Rocksteady in this movie, it has decent humor and even one instance of really good banter between Leo and Mikey. But the rest is just, eh. They tried in places to have that more emotional and teenage angst thing going on with the Turtles discovering their origins but they don't do much with it and it could have been really damn good. The fights are more comical and less choreographed with hardly any martial arts from the Turtles and just silly catchphrases and not entertaining fight scenes. You could appreciate the talent in the first movie and really get into the fights but here there's really nothing. You remember how I said the last movie wasn't just kids movie fluff used for a cash grab? This movie feels more like that. Just harmless fun for little kids who love Ninja Turtles and that's by no means a bad thing but you kinda want more if you're an adult revisiting this movie. Even the designs of the Turtles are a downgrade, they look more cartoon-y and apparently the poor guys couldn't even see out of the costumes which explains a lot! I just wanna go back and watch the first movie. Okay, let's talk about the scene. Jesus Christ.....okay so the Turtles fight Tokah and Rahzar and they bust into a dance club(?) right by a construction site(??) where Vanilla Ice is performing and totally makes up a choreographed hit song on the fly while everyone fights(????). Just why? Am I the only white person who just isn't a Vanilla Ice fan? This movie is so 90s. Not even in like a cool old school feel where you love going back and seeing it time and again, just a dated and kind of embarassing feel. But boy did it leave an impression! If you have some geeky ass friends who remember this movie and ask them to do the Ninja Rap with dance moves, they might just do it even now. The song is fun and catchy in that special guilty pleasure way, and it does ever so slightly, like microscopically make me want to dance but uh, it's still stupid. I don't wanna talk about Turtles 3! It's really really not good. But I gotta do it even though I just did a whole month of bad movies. See you tomorrow.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Yeah we're getting 90s in here people so strap in.

Yeah another reptilian movie after Godzilla but I got news for you, I was having the time of my life. Time for backstory! When I was 6 years old I owned this movie on VHS, I never heard of the cartoon, read the graphic novel, or anything. It was just a movie about fighting turtles and I absolutely loved it, I used to watch it and the second movie all the time and now over 15 years later I think I love it even more. I was a kid again watching this movie, quoting lines left and right, loving the fights, but I appreciate so much more now and I've gained knowledge about the making of the movie. See kids way back in the day before I was even a gleam in my mother's eye Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ruled the world, every kid loved it, there was merchandise coming out the ears, it was insanely popular in the late 80s and pretty soon producers wanted to make a movie. But absolutely no one wanted to do it, they had to take it to New Line Cinema who was still in it's infancy at the time to make it, and they really gave it their all. They wanted a more gritty, more badass edgy movie for teenagers but still make it suitable for kids and they exceeded spectacularly. It perfectly walks that tightrope of not being excessively violent and dark but also not being just another kid's movie fluff that parents would mentally check out on. The movie is hilarious but knows when to take it's time for mood, character, and even a tiny touch of atmosphere and they do everything so well. I know I'm just fanboying the hell out over this movie but it's true! This movie is fricking awesome man! It cherry picks the best elements of the cartoon and graphic novel to create a well done story, a crime wave of massive proportions has hit New York City done by thiefs with superior stealh abilities and it's not too long before we meet our heroes who with the help of a news reporter start fighting the mysterious attackers. It's incredibly basic but that doesn't mean it's boring or old hat. They treated it seriously and wanted to make a good movie. That is immediately recognized in the animatronics of the turtles, sweet heavenly pizza it is phenomenal! I'm serious they look so real it's ludicrous and they're not stiff puppets, you see them do flying kicks, cartwheels, roundhouse kicks, the costumes are done so well that it does not hinder the stunt performers and it is phenomenal! And of course it wouldn't be the turtles without their distinct voices, all given with such personality and charm that just deepens your immersion. And the soundtrack is rad from beginning to end! It's just...guys, watch this movie again if you haven't already it really is done incredibly well in all departments. And if my gushing love for this movie doesn't convince you, for the longest time this was the most successful and profitable independent film yet taking nearly a decade before it was topped by The Blair Witch Project in 1999. That's quite a reputation! I cannot recommend this movie enough, if you have an hour and a half to spare with friends order a pizza and have a movie night, especially if you were fans of it when you were younger. So after such a great opening entry, did the sequel continue the trend? Are Pogs still a thing? Well tune in tomorrow to find out!