BONUS: Onslaught

Okay yeah Adria wielding a chainsaw can get anyone in a theater.

This felt like a tremendous throwback movie from the 80s and as I recount the plot you'll see what I mean. So basically three supersoldiers crafted by a bootlicking natzi scientist escape containment and start wreaking havoc and death in a small New Mexico town putting them in the crosshairs of a military veteran who wouldn't you know it has custody of her daughter right before the shit royally hits the fan. It sounds almost Cannon-esque and yeah man it's pretty exploitative, with bloody gruesome deaths, a random scene of fairly strong nudity, a pretty no frills and no questions asked plot, it reeks of an old school action script just made with modern techniques. Of course Adria has my whole heart and it's been a minute since I've rooted for a movie character this hard, she's got trauma from being a soldier, she's a mom trying her best, and when mama bear goes off I can't help but love it. She pretty much carries the film but there's some solid supporting cast in tow. The man and legend Reginald VelJohnson who I haven't seen in the longest time plays a veteran neighbor of hers and my God do I love that man to bits, such a joy to see him in this even if it's just a small role! Blake Kennedy ho mah gawd is the cutest sweetest girl I swear, yeah I'd knife a motherfucker in the face to keep her safe without question, she did a great job and this mother/daughter duo was wonderful. Drew Starkey is a bit of a wild card in the mix playing a government operator who is on the hunt for the supersoldiers as well, and I do feel there was supposed to be more to this character that most likely ended up on the cutting room floor but he plays it very well regardless. The supersoldiers themselves lead by a man only known as The Butcher played by Alex Pereira are effectively brutal and have this almost Barrow-Wight soldier look to them, and man oh man is it cathartic to see them get ded. Adam Wingard our guy who helmed the Godzilla and Kong films brings such a style from minute one, and holy shit might have brought the most scathing anti-authoritative opening credits scene to a film I have ever seen so the man has my respect for that, with great use of angles and as typical with his movies a varied soundtrack. Also have to give a shoutout to Matt Pusti who really fucking brought it with the score, I had no idea synthesizers could be that goddamn heavy and when the metal music kicks in you're half expecting the Doom Slayer to round the corner and start annihilating, so big thumbs up for you sir! The pacing is short and sweet, this movie is less than 90 minutes not counting credits but does a damn good job setting everything up while still injecting it's own type of character and style in the filmmaking. And it works! You feel the unquiet and shock seeing people just get gunned down like a dog in the streets, you get invested with this woman, you fucking seethe at these government types likes the asswipes they are, so it's a highly effective and good movie. No means a genre defying masterpiece, but a rock solid film nonetheless. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10, and now the work truly begins in earnest after this. I'll catch y'all near the tail end of the month!

Andor: Season 2

I'm kinda pissed off I will not lie to you.

Now admittedly the vast majority of the first three episodes were really not doing anything for me (to the point I kinda wanted to quit to be brutally honest for a moment), but really after that whatever issues I might have with this season are down to I just didn't like the conclusion to the Imperial stuff. Shocking I know! But beyond that how does this second part to a technical quadrilogy if we go all the way to the end of A New Hope stack up? When it gets going it is slipping right back into the good stuff that you would expect and loved from the first season! If anything I can sum up this series as, all the pieces on the chessboard are making their final moves cause this does indeed end right before Rogue One begins so we see Cassian fully commit to the Yavin rebels, we see the final moments of Mon before leaving the Senate, Luthen really cutting it close to being discovered, and Dedra being shuffled to the right places at the right time. It never is as easy as I explain it and indeed there is a loooot to talk about maybe more than I have space for so let's discuss technicals first. Acting wise the calibre has not diminished if anything it's exceeded the first season, with the highlights going to Diego, Denise, Elizabeth Dulau who really comes into her own as Kleya, and of course light of my life Genevieve. It's very easy to forget you're not watching actors in a show that's all I'll say! The expansive sets, costumes, props, and visual effects are still top notch and I do truly hope we get so much more physical sets despite the Volume being a marvel of technology. The tone has truly gotten more grim and even real at certain points, which...even as a die hard Star Wars fan I never imagined I could truly say. There really is no way to gloss over or sugar coat it, seeing Ghorman and the massacre was striking, it was scary if even for just a second, if this show knows how to do anything it's calculate the rising tension and suspense to a staggering effect, and it hits as well as it does because we've seen this shit before on the news. Now of course Star Wars has always had some real world inspirational draw, this is not some modern spin take on it. To sum it up in one point, why were the Imperials mainly british and the rebels mainly american? It was a little world event in history, might have heard of it, it was called THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION. But Jesus wept, it just hits so close to now and yes it is undoubtedly entertainment but you also have to acknowledge what the writers were trying to get across. I can forgive three goddamn episodes of Cassian being stuck doing nothing while being caught between two dipshit factions, because of all the better story elements that come in later. I honestly don't even know where to go from here, and the worst part is because my ass was so behind the times that I kinda was already hearing "spoilers" for lack of a better term and it did indeed damage my viewing pleasure and experience. I knew about Bix and all she was going through, I knew about Brasso, I knew about Dedra's outcome, I knew about Saw's questionable recreations, I even knew about the damn healer. So I really hate to say it but the score will suffer because of that. Do I still think it is a very well crafted and entertaining show? Yes! Will I most likely watch Rogue One after writing this? Yes! Was it as good as season one? That is an impossible question because I didn't know shit through season one until each episode came out, so it's already unfair but even then as a whole, I would say no. Life is unfair and mostly bullshit, but I'll get over it. I'm dying one day anyway and I still had several surprises in store for me, and there is always something to look forward to. Still pretty fucking bummed out anyway but emotions are the most fickle thing in existence. In like a years time this In Retrospect will quell any issues and I'll be all the happier for it. Reeealllyyy gonna piss off pretty much everybody, though unintentional I swear, when I say 3 stars, 8/10, I'm willing to have my opinion changed. But not today.

In Retrospect: Andor (Season 1)

Fashionably late or just very late, life is kicking me in the ass and this is just the show I needed.

So does the superbly acclaimed Star Wars series hold up on a second viewing? Was Tatooine originally a water planet? I have to say it was a very different viewing experience marathoning the whole first season, cause I was right there every week on original release date hanging on every action and word until Thanksgiving Day 3 years ago. I will fully say it does indeed improve, now that I know the plot elements I can focus on all the other bits, pay even more attention to the great acting, revel in the visuals from costuming to environments, dig deep into this dialogue, and get hyped for season two all over again. The unfolding events in Cassian's life is certainly a wild trip to watch in one fluid sitting, from being a two-timing scoundrel home, to pulling off quite possibly the biggest bank heist in recent galactic memory, to escaping one hell of a prison, to pretty much putting himself on the line in joining the Rebellion. Crazy! Diego Luna, love that man, gets so much to do and the writing enhances his already great acting ability. Stellan Skarsgård as Luthen Rael is easily the most interesting character and also has easily the best speech and that's saying something in this show. Genevieve ohhh my stars, I am going to be so insufferable watching season 2 mark my words because that woman is a walking treasure trove and despite my Imperial leanings my heart goes out to Mon Mothma, and reading Reign Of The Empire enhanced that severely, (Even though I still hate her husband, there's better people to marry...like meeeeee.) emphasizing the stress and sheer paranoia someone in such a position would feel. Denise Gough that's mah gurl in this series, hell to the yes for the ISB making the leap to a visual medium, and my lord there could be a masterclass on facial acting from Dedra Meero alone! Also need more Major Partagaz in season two, just saying. Still really rather despise Syril Karn than ever before, I mean who knows maybe the next season will give me more to where I will dread his demise but I doubt that. Also just want to shoutout Brasso, I took him as kind of a nothing character first time around but now I'm a staunch supporter and love the guy, he's a true real one! Also fully believe our man and king Andy Serkis is still alive and thriving as Kino Loy, I know we're not gonna get dick on his character in the next season but I have dreams damn it! And I'm so happy to see people gravitate so strongly and praise the shit out of this show, granted I haven't heard a lot of stories from non-Star Wars fans who watched it and loved it but I'm positive they exist, the reception couldn't be more glowing. That kinda has some cons to it, like annoying bitches saying Star Wars will never be this good again or they start comparing shows and bash anything else which I find just intolerable and I hex those fuckers like there's no tomorrow. Is it strikingly unique in the Star Wars universe with stellar practical sets, excellent writing, fantastic actors, and a tone that makes Rogue One seem like a skip in the park? Yes! But just enjoy the show, it's different but there's plenty of media in this galaxy that's great stuff. I had a wonderful time and, well being the nerdy ass white boy I am and knowing galactic history like I took a college class on it, eeuugghhh it's about to get rough. Jesus Christ this show is about to hit so different in this foul year of our lord two thousand and twenty-five. The revolution will indeed be televised. 4 stars, 9/10, a short microjump and we'll be back for the series finale.

Andor: Season 1

Okay, holy shit we made it to the end and with one hell of a show!




I had a small thought and find it hilarious, the people who waaay back who were like why in the hell are we introducing politics into Star Wars are the same people now who actually really enjoy this series and it's more political, slow paced, and less actiony moments. Yes Andor, the one show I was not entirely here for from the announcement but in the words of my Papa I'll be dadgum, I really enjoyed this show! Set 5 years before the Battle of Yavin and ostensibly also 5 years before Rogue One, we meet up again with Cassian Andor who through a secret contact in the still forming infant Rebel Alliance is thrown into many situations and rough spots as he slowly is turned to joining the cause. That is pure bare bones story, there is quite a lot that occurs, believe it or not there isn't a whole lot of twists and turns at least not in the conventional sense. Now this is a highly important factor to bring up when trying to get people onto this show, there isn't a chase and pew-pew action every episode, it's more the exception rather than the rule. It holds a different kind of power, and I attribute that to the series writer Tony Gilroy who's bread and butter is spy thrillers, he isn't even that hardcore a Star Wars fan hence the lack of aliens and droids for the most part throughout the series. But the man knows his shit and delivers an intensely fascinating and tension building show in any situation. From essentialy the great bank heist of Aldhani, to galactic Prison Break, to everything in between it holds your attention. True the flashback sequences feel very slapdash in how they mixed it with the story, going to and fro from the past to now, but truthfully you only got to deal with it for a few episodes. If you give this show your undivided attention it delivers much in return, character wise, plot wise, and even easter egg wise. So let's go through characters, it is a big ensemble cast so we'll focus on major players seen throughout. Diego Luna I feel really gets to spread his wings in this show, even though he did mighty well in Rogue One you just get more time with him. His out for his own self attitude, his secrecy, his sometimes cold blooded persona, but underneath it all you see a great dedication to his friends and family and know when push comes to shove he will fight alongside people. Stellan Skarsgard as Luthen, you want to talk like best performances ever in Star Wars? I'm serious man, he brought award winning big gun acting chops to this show potraying what I feel to be the true originator of the Rebels at least in ethics and conviction to fight the Empire. He just gets these sections of lines, full monologues at times, and just goes for it! I seriously couldn't praise the man enough if I tried. Now, oh yes, my favorite character, Denise Gough as ISB Lieutanant Deedra Meero. Whoa. It took maybe 5 seconds for me to settle on her as my favorite, if a quarter of the Empire had her conviction, meticulous mind, and broad strokes thinking the fucking Rebellion would have been killed before it got out of it's cot. She is not in this game for ascension through the ranks, she is here to wipe out dissidents and be awesome. Now to go to my least favorite character! Far from anything I could say bad things about Kyle Soller as Syril Karn, like the performance is spot on and done well but this character....Jesus wept. Okay, I didn't hate him at first, I saw this young, idealistic, commited to his job and code of ethics man and I can respect that. It then turned out he was a actually a simpering, washed out, wannabe who has a huge vengeance hard on for Cassian and a probably more quite literal hard on for Deedra. And I just, oh my God, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. The fact they even tried to nudge this potential romance made me want to wrap my lips around a fucking T-21. No. I am telling you no, go in the corner and think about what you did! This will not stand man! Now you know my stance on rebels, they are traitors, murderers, terrorists, and thieves. They are not heroes, they are not martyrs, they are a disease. However! Genevieve O'Reilly as Mon Mothma, I can live with her. Not to sound shameless, though I am, Mon Mothma is the most beautiful woman in all of Star Wars. No horseshit Jack, better than Cara Dune, better than Rey, Rose, Padme, even our beloved Leia, it's her over everyone okay! She makes my heart glow every second she is on screen, her husband is fucking useless marry me instead, and her story segments are kinda heartbreaking at times so she just gets a 12/10 overall! Everyone else as supporting cast was just as commited and strong as our major players so props to all involved, special love to Adria Arjona as Bix, Anton Lesser as Major Partagaz, and a secret extra bonus character whose work I love immensely but some secrets are best kept. Just go watch it. Lightning round opinion time! I have to applaud Lucasfilm for just making practical sets and not working exclusively with the Volume, the props, set design, costumes, and effects are just as good as any of the films maybe even a bit more so because you get just so much of it since it is a series. The Arrestor Cruiser plucked straight out of proto-type Star Destroyer concept art, amazing, flawless, showstopping, where's my toy, I love it. I want a whole friggin' show based on the ISB, it's wonderful to finally see it on screen and an environement I want to revisit a lot. Episode 6, wow. Just wow. Breathtaking visuals!! Plus this show made TIE Fighters legit terrifying, and I am an Imperial at heart but even my teeth were set on edge hearing those screaming ion engines. Our little droid B2EMO, I'm still grappling with that absurd name yet I treasure him and his little stutter, but it does pose the question....can you be too emo? (Yes.) Soooo many easter eggs in Luthen's art gallery, those prop boys were having a real good time peppering in all kinds of items and artifacts, most of which I caught. After credits scene for the finale, sheer pornography, a happy ending if I ever saw one. Ooh my....but anywho! I swear on all I believe, that march in the last episode was without question or doubt the most suspenseful dare I say Hitchcockian scene in Star Wars history, cause it just builds and builds at a slow burn pace, akin to the series as a whole in that way, and you know something is up, some shit is about to go down when it stops but you have no idea what. That's stunning to see, never that I would say Star Wars is "formulaic", there's too much diversity in eras, characters, and stories with obvious reoccuring themes but this really breaks the mold as what people consider Star Wars could be. I'm in the camp that Star Wars can take on any genre, sub-genre, style, or situation and Andor proves it can be done. We have the technology. We have the writing. The sky is the limit as I have said before. It does truly trail blaze, it sets out on it's own story and does it's own thing, with all the shows we've gotten not that I'm saying this as a detriment but it is traditional wonderful fan pleasing Star Wars. I still say it's a toss up between Kenobi and Mando for my favorite of the shows so far, but Andor has a lot of my respect and admiration and could potentially top them all. If I said to 2016 Dude, that Andor show you have no interest in and not much hope for yeah my Dude it's actually groundbreaking and amazing, I would scarcely believe myself! But that's what happens, time marches on, opinions and viewpoints change, impermanence is life. So I'm walking away highly pleased and looking forward to season 2. 4 stars, 8.5/10, and this...hurts to say.



Okay everybody I have news. Not good news. I've been sitting on this egg of an idea for about half the year and I feel it is important and more importantly, time. Next year, after the 8th anniversary, I'm taking a step back. I'm not quitting, I'm not retiring, everything is perfectly fine in my personal life, but reviews are not going to be nearly as frequent as before. I have written over 1,000 reviews in less than a decade. Can you count to 1,000? Cause I sure did and I can't believe it even now! You think I planned all this to go as long as it did?? Heeeellllll naw! So we're just gonna do new releases, our traditional Halloween October goodness, maybe a birthday week, but that's really it until 2024. This has never felt like a job, but a passion project, I do not get paid for it and never have but I could care less! But I also couldn't tell you the last time I rewatched a movie just to rewatch it, to enjoy cinema without really having to write about it, to not worry about my constant schedule of reviews. Even when I take months off I'm still planning and writing for the future. But when The countdown began to #1000, I had to do some thinking. I love it too much to quit, but life must take precedent. But I'll be back before you know it come January and I want to say thank you very much for sticking around another year, sticking around forever, recently, somewhere in the middle, and I hope you've seen some good movies this year! Mind you, this Top 10 list...yikes, I don't have much credibility in the slightest but I might get yelled at for this. But until that time, be safe, stay warm, enjoy your holidays, and I shall return to a sunless space to share my dreams with ghosts, monsters, and ghouls, to bask in the light of a full moon I'll never see in reality, to hear the sound of falling leaves and howling winds, to traverse paths through ancient woods where there is no way of escape, to revel in the spooky and the macabre. I find that good.

Morbius

Guys it really isn't as bad as people make it out.

Coming from an individual who isn't a big Marvel fan, knows nothing about Michael Morbius, and walked in with nothing but an open mind, I thought it was decent. I thought it would be more supernatural how he gained his vampiric powers with him going to some tropical forest and finding something that was best left alone, typical silver age origin story, but I like the scientific reasoning behind it even if it does still lead to superhuman abilities. It gets a little disjointed with the flashbacks but after that it works fairly well. Just telling this story of how a dying man gains these abilities and is trying to make sense of it all while trying not to take human lives to sustain his own is a good story and it's handled well. I thought Jared Leto did fine work, he has a leading man prescence, can be funny, nails the dilemma aspect of his character, and fits dead center in a morally gray superhero light. Of course I have to love Matt Smith, even though I don't like seeing him in an antagonistic role, and it is very basically written but the friendship dynamic clicked for me and it was believable. And yes I did catch that Doctor Who reference you cheeky bastards. Adria Arjona was bugging me the hell out cause I was like, I know you! But where?? She was my witch crush in Good Omens, and the romance aspect felt very sudden and so was her ending yet I still thought she gave a good performance. Also props to making two investigating agents not be blithering morons and mostly useless, thank you for that writers. I very much digged the hell out of the visuals and makeup, properly making Jared and Matt look deathly ill and when the vampiric stuff kicked in I was like, wow that's such an interesting effect. With the flight having trails of colors, the echolocation having a sort of vibrating water effect, and I like they didn't chicken out and show some blood. It isn't gory as hell, but you do see it. Apparently this takes place in the same world as both Venom movies, and I'm not even attempting to connect all the Marvel movies. Sure, fine, whatever, go for it. Why not have them all mix and meld so you can see Michael Keaton as Vulture? It's neat. So it was a decent okay movie, nowhere near a 4.8 on IMDB. I give it 2.5 stars, 7/10.

Good Omens

Yep, the newest Amazon show based on a book by two great writers Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.

I greatly enjoy their work and I had to read the book to fully be able to compare notes and judge if you can watch the series by itself and not lose any enjoyment, and thankfully you really don't. You get a lot more out of it if you read the book and it is a very good book, but you can spend an afternoon watching the show and get invested. Hell I only had two major flaws with the series, it was too short totaling in 6 episodes each an hour long, which is funny cause it took me about six hours to read the book but gah I wish it was longer! But is that really a bad thing if you want more? Not really. And the other flaw is a stigma because of it's short length, don't get me wrong this is a great adaptation nearly putting everything in, but it does lose some stuff. Not major story breaking stuff, it follows the major points of the book from beginning to end with some added content which I love, but more detail stuff that help immerse you in the world better. But what is this world exactly? Well a very long time ago, in the beginning some might say, in a lush garden an angel by the name of Aziraphale and a demon by the name of Crowley meet and after millenia they slowly become good friends and when the big day approaches of the end of the world, they have some differing opinions and formulate a plan to avert the apocalypse so they can keep enjoying Earth. It's an interesting story and the performances is what grabs you and makes you stick around! Michael Sheen is amazing, I think he was perfectly cast as a very prim and proper angel, and is a complete joy to watch. David Tennant gets to play a ginger demon who still has that style and charisma that made him beloved in Doctor Who, and if I'm being embarassingly honest I fully ship them. They are perfection, it was subtext in the book but it might as well be text in the show and I for one love it. And it ends just right, it put me in such a good mood! I loved it! In fact if you look at the cast for the series, and if you watch a lot of british television, you will recognize many of these names and they really don't skip out on the star power. I'll give you a buck if you can guess who voices Satan without looking it up. All the major players get plenty of screen time for the most part, the kids get sort of sidelined but it's not too bad. I'll also say the woman who plays our friendly witch Anathema who has certain knowledge of the end of days, is absurdly gorgeous yet her romance life feels a bit rushed but that's what it was like in the book too and it's no big deal when you get down to it. But the show knows where it's major priorities are and want to make a good adaptation, and the new stuff they throw in is great. I would fully endorse a Aziraphale and Crowley spin-off show detailing their various misadventures through centuries of friendship, because they do it so well in one of the episodes you want to see more! I also don't mind some superficial changes, I like how the Four Horsemen are split with two men (sort of) and two women, and I love the idea of the personification of war to be a woman. Usually people just rain down hate if something diversifies people from it's source material, but trust me it could be worse. J.K. Rowling could be pissing on Terry Pratchett's grave but it's done well. And yes, I would say though Good Omens is the brain child of both Neil and Terry, it's Terry's writing style that forms the book. If you've ever read one of his Discworld books, his sense of humor and writing prose becomes abundantly clear and the series tries to do justice to it but some of it falls flat if you haven't read the book, and to further prove my point I only know one person who speaks LIKE THIS in his writings. But what's missing out on a joke if the story and characters are still clearly defined and engaging? This is a really good series, criminally short, but entertaining and fun. Great production, excellent casting, a faithful script, and a witty and enjoyable however brief series. A definite recommendation from me, and perfect for people wanting more imaginative and original storytelling. And someone please write a series called Aziraphael And Crowley, while in the meantime I'm gonna listen to some Queen and have a nice meal.