Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze

Yeahhhh this movie isn't that great.

I sure loved it as a kid though and while I did have fun with it now, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 does not pull an Empire Strikes Back in terms of quality. But it's a fine movie, it's a guilty pleasure if nothing else, but certainly not horrible. Okay so we pick up surprisingly not long after the Turtles beat Shredder, as they have shacked up with April while trying to find a new place to live, and I gotta say the continuity was such a nice surprise and is one of the few better things in the movie, meanwhile Shredder has returned and acquires a canister of ooze with mutagenic properties in which he makes (not) Bebop and Rocksteady and wages war once again with our favorite pizza eating reptiles. You can very quickly tell the tone has changed almost a 180° from the opening credits, bright colorful opening shots of New York City with even more colorful title cards, already throwing the more edgy gritty view out the window. I will say however that pizza has never looked better outside the Goofy movies in this opening sequence. Soon we meet our big co-star Keano who actually played Donatello's actual physical stuntperson in the first movie, and he's okay but they don't do much with him and you miss the charm of Casey Jones in this movie but I can't bash the kid too much. We get a new actress as April and I like her too, I get the more feisty reporter angle from this April though the original is still my favorite. And last but certainly not least we have an acclaimed actor here for.....some reason! Yeah I have no idea why David Warner is here but screw it he's the best part of the movie hands down. Again, I don't hate the movie but most everyone unanimously agrees it's a step down in quality but there was a lot I liked. Our new side characters are good actors, David Warner is awesome as always though even he looks confused at what movie he's in, I dig the fact Shredder looks more like the cartoon version but alas no Uncle Phil voice, Tokah and Rahzar are cool looking villains for the Turtles though apparently they actually did want Bebop and Rocksteady in this movie, it has decent humor and even one instance of really good banter between Leo and Mikey. But the rest is just, eh. They tried in places to have that more emotional and teenage angst thing going on with the Turtles discovering their origins but they don't do much with it and it could have been really damn good. The fights are more comical and less choreographed with hardly any martial arts from the Turtles and just silly catchphrases and not entertaining fight scenes. You could appreciate the talent in the first movie and really get into the fights but here there's really nothing. You remember how I said the last movie wasn't just kids movie fluff used for a cash grab? This movie feels more like that. Just harmless fun for little kids who love Ninja Turtles and that's by no means a bad thing but you kinda want more if you're an adult revisiting this movie. Even the designs of the Turtles are a downgrade, they look more cartoon-y and apparently the poor guys couldn't even see out of the costumes which explains a lot! I just wanna go back and watch the first movie. Okay, let's talk about the scene. Jesus Christ.....okay so the Turtles fight Tokah and Rahzar and they bust into a dance club(?) right by a construction site(??) where Vanilla Ice is performing and totally makes up a choreographed hit song on the fly while everyone fights(????). Just why? Am I the only white person who just isn't a Vanilla Ice fan? This movie is so 90s. Not even in like a cool old school feel where you love going back and seeing it time and again, just a dated and kind of embarassing feel. But boy did it leave an impression! If you have some geeky ass friends who remember this movie and ask them to do the Ninja Rap with dance moves, they might just do it even now. The song is fun and catchy in that special guilty pleasure way, and it does ever so slightly, like microscopically make me want to dance but uh, it's still stupid. I don't wanna talk about Turtles 3! It's really really not good. But I gotta do it even though I just did a whole month of bad movies. See you tomorrow.

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