In Retrospect: Mortal Kombat (2021)

I guess there's a reason this spawns from a company called MIDway.

I think my estimation has actually fallen since I saw this opening day. Like dude, I would gladly take the 90s film over this. And it took me a second to kinda articulate as to why, but the quality of this film overall is like if a Sci-Fi Channel original movie had an actual budget. This halfassed script, decent actors but not great characters, blank slate of a protagonist which makes me wonder why the fuck we even have him, the slightly off beat references that should be awesome but kinda make you roll your eyes when they happen, the effects which are passable, just everything about this leans so much into that direct to cable movie element which I have to say I've not seen in a considerably long time. Now I know, I know...it was a rough goddamn patch of time when this movie went into production and when it got released, I'm taking that into consideration and not trying to bash it too hard. Cause it's not a bad movie, this is nowhere near Annihilation but it ain't that goddamn good either folks. Best damn scene in the movie is the opening, it was investing, a notch emotional, had really good fight choreography, I loved it! I think the true nail in the coffin for this is our main character, may I ask why we just decided to add some guy who isn't a character in the games to be our focus and might I go one step further and ask why did you make him the most uninteresting nothing character? Poor Lewis Tan had exactly two things to work with, jack and shit. And jack left town. He's trying but there is nothing to this to the point where I almost feel offended for the guy, imagine you got cast in a Mortal fucking Kombat movie and you're just some...guy. Not Liu Kang, not Johnny Cage, not even Stryker! It's almost stunning how bland Cole is. Like...I gotta move on, I'm gonna be hear all fucking day. I will however say I do indeed have higher hopes for the second film, I truly do. It does look better. As long as they don't do stupid shit like in this where you drop Kung Lao in that undignified fashion, kill Goro in THE FIRST FRAKKING MOVIE HELLLLOOOOOO, and not even give us the shit sucking tournament on which this entire franchise is built upon, we'll be fine! Those are choices man, but they are not good ones! Holy fuckaroli it's like the longer I think about it the more the score dwindles. But hey, they at least didn't rush a sequel. It took them 5 years to get around to Mortal Kombat II and I will commend the filmmakers on that alone, all the time in the world to iron this script out, make the right calls, and craft a good movie. I'm not saying I'm walking in with the highest of expectation but I'm certainly walking in with hope. I however am leaving this film never to return. 1.5 stars, 4.5/10, I'll catch you tomorrow!

Shōgun

I suppose this is what I get for involving myself in politics.

Shōgun is a trip to say the least. An expansive, involved, big budget, notes worthy, 10 hour epic detailing the events leading up to the origins of the Tokugawa Shogunate. It is an almost impossible task to sum everything up in one concise and non-rambling synopsis, so cliffnotes version: British ship pilot John Blackmore stumbles upon the isle of Japan and gets very quickly swept up in the political back and forth between the five ruling regents of the nation, as time passes and he cheats death on multiple occasions he takes on more of the culture and becomes a right hand to the disavowed rebel regent Toranaga. It gets complex quick and this is coming from someone who has familiarity with how the government system of Japan worked once upon a long time ago, the customs and traditions of the people, and a rough outline of how each period began, so it's a caveat but if you want to watch this show I severely recommend note taking to keep the family ties straight and to not spread out your watch schedule, rather try to marathon it so you don't forget any details. It took 3 days for me to get through it and what I found simply put, was a show that does not fuck around. It's more fiction than history granted but a true commitment was made to make this as historically accurate, intriguing, beautiful, and coldly violent. To truly make the best series they could. There is zero half assing found in the 10 episodes. And as I am writing this review tale of a second season is coming to which, I have two opinions clashing like mountain goats, on one hand the show ends with a pretty wide opening for more of this story to be told and YET the showrunners claimed it would be a one and done series with no intention for continuation. I'm personally kinda leaning towards never trusting a damn word any studio system creator has to say on any matter. So to keep this from running almost into a 500 word essay let's lightning round some aspects. I completely applaud the, for lack of a better term balls deep, commitment this series has keeping the dialogue heavy on the japanese side with subtitles galore. They do indeed have a dubbed option, I watched it on Hulu, but I love getting to see japanese actors get to speak just japanese, and in a big budget american production? Whaaaaat?? Did I just pull a Sliders and jump dimensions yet again? That's fine, I'll roll with it. Casting is pretty damn good from lead to ancillary characters, Hiroyuki Sanada along with Cosmo Jarvis and Anna Sawai are terrific leads and undoubtedly are the driving force of the whole dang story, you get invested with them quick. Top notch all around! Sweet lord, the costuming, the sets, the environments, as I said no half assing it's very detailed and has enough atmosphere to go around at times, I never thought I would see so. Many. Sets in a television show and very broad ones at that! There just isn't a damn thing on the telly like this right now. The story while a bit complex in terms of character and motivation, knows when to bump the pace up and also let you stew in this albeit foreign but nevertheless understandable political machine, I never go for political dramas or really anything politics heavy outside of The Thick Of It, I just can't stand the backstabbing and drama and overcomplex plans but here I could work with it. You don't really get the battle scope you imagine the story keeps pushing toward, if anything when the violence strikes it sucker punches you in the nose out of nowhere and it keeps you on your toes. Maybe it's more a syndrome of what Game Of Thrones has cast on television series but death strikes unexpectedly and it's appropriately grim. May be a turn off for a lot of folks who want to see samurai battle in large numbers and duel one on one, but it just isn't that kind of show and there are examples for you out there who love that particular kind of stuff. It's almost tailor made for a very specific crowd but that niche crowd has been lauding it with praise since it premiered and you never know if you'll like it if you don't try it. It's a sit, it's not a show you can have on in the background and keep up (unless you are fluent in the language and got a good memory), the ending may not do it for you but hey second season for those who want more, but there can easily be aspects you will enjoy. I can appreciate both sides of samurai media, your Ran's or Throne Of Blood's as opposed to stuff like Samurai Champloo or The Sword Of Doom. So I very much liked it and can recommend it for those select few. 3.5 stars, 8.5/10! Phew, that was a busy week. Next week will be easier as we traverse the arid wasteland and will be my first peek into the world of Mad Max.

Bullet Train

Not my most anticipated movie but it was up there.



Something about the trailers hit me, and I was like oh yeah this is gonna be one of the better films of the year. Didn't disappoint to much all in all and I enjoyed it a good deal. So our story follows a member of an organization who doesn't actually kill people but people certainly die around him, taking a new assignment to retrieve a briefcase from a bullet train in Japan, but there's actual legit assassins on the train who all have their own orders and targets that merge with each other. It's a very complicated case man, a lot of strands to keep straight in the Duder's head this time around but it all ties together at the end so even if you forget a detail the film is polite enough to remind you. Hijinks most certainly ensue. It's not super flashy or different for different's sake in terms of direction and cinematography, focusing more on telling an entertaining and involved story rather than trying to flip the script and break new ground. I can respect that, and the movie does indeed have good shots, choreography, and humor throughout so it's not like it's a generic summer action movie. Though I do have minor quibbles here and there, obviously the movie takes primarily on a train so you don't get the sights of Japan from Tokyo to Kyoto (try saying that three times fast) but you get lots of other bits of the culture. Second, this is zero slam on the actress but Joey King man I hated her character, she's that antagonist who you just want to see meet a grisly end every second and maybe that was just because of my contempt but man I haven't felt hate for a character like that in a minute. Then again if you can get that severe a reaction out of an audience member, sterling performance, like well done madam! Third, this briefcase is purely a McGuffin I understand that and I like how it comes into play near the end, yet it didn't feel entirely pivotal to the plot and it has that Pulp Fiction grab of well what's in it? Nothing interesting I can tell you that, in fact I was expecting some Kill Bill-esque elements in it. No such luck. The cameos were a bit out of nowhere and of course all this bullshit springs from one guy, who I do not like as an actor but find passable as a person, I will try never to review his more popular movies, whose name I may or may not have brought up previously. F***ing guy. So far from perfect, but I'm very happy I saw it and could genuinely see it becoming a cult action hit. Brad Pitt is awesome, like ever since I saw him in Once Upon A Time In Hollywood my appreciation has grown and I love the idea of this reforming agent who doesn't like using guns and is a very open minded, easy going, inner peace kind of guy who can still throw down. Great character! Brian Tyree Henry, such a funny guy, who I can actually believe whacks people, and can pull off those emotional moments. Hiroyuki Sanada is always a joy to see and still rad, who has quite good comedic timing and I hope his fanbase flourishes more after being Scorpion in the newest Mortal Kombat movie. Before I go, just gotta say the funniest part hands doen for me was the anime mascot getting abused. I don't know why but seeing a giant anime catsuit just get punched in the face is just the funniest f***ing thing. Oh my God, you think that might have been some cathartic therapy for people who reeeeally do not like Pikachu or Pokemon? Could be. Overall, it's a solid movie and you can have a good time with it, it strings you along very nicely and never once gets boring or uninteresting. I give it 3 stars, 7.5/10!

Mortal Kombat (2021)

Thank God this movie wasn't absolute horseshit like that trailer.

Now you're expecting me to say it's the best Mortal Kombat movie to date. Nope. I can't even explain why I didn't like it, now I must set a disclaimer. I did not hate it. I thought it was average. I can't even discern what angle the filmmakers were going for, they didn't make another practical remake of the original film, they didn't make it an all out fight fest plot be damned, now you think I would be thrilled that it wasn't another movie where a buncha' fighters take a boat to an island like yesterday when I gave good grief for the animated movie treading familiar waters. But here's the thing, there is no tournament. At all. The plot follows new character Cole as he's very much slapped into this world of magic, creatures, and abilities as he meets up with various characters and has to learn his special abilities to fight in the tournament. The tournament that never even begins. Oh sure you get your fights and your gore, but there's no real semblance of beginning, middle, and end. Now I know. I know. This film was in production at a very uncertain time, and while the effects are done okay the story needed revisions. Several revisions. Now the characters are done well, there were a few I didn't know but the ones I was familiar with were played by good actors and it got the basics right so I have no complaints there. The effects look good, though Goro looked just flat out like Hulk from The Avengers except with 4 arms. But the designs worked for me with tons of love going to Scorpion and Sub-Zero giving a proper update from the 95' film. And I must admit the film never really got me pumped though the fights are decent, but really the highlights were at the beginning with Hanzo and at the end with Scorpion, those were done very well. But it just kind of fell flat for me, it's an okay movie and I have no problem seeing the second but this is totally a rental not a theater experience. It really is sandwiched between the two other live action films which some may consider bad but it's purely logical. Annihilation got a 1 for f***'s sake and the original got a 7, that's a wide berth. So this gets 2 stars, 6/10. Christ this really was a rocky week of quality, with the first Mortal Kombat movie being the best still for me with Scorpion's Revenge coming in second. I can scarcely believe that and I just wrote the damn thing but man that first film is better than most would give credit for, and I wouldn't mind adding it to the movie collection at all. So sort of a disappointing end to the month but there are always possibilities and opportunities in the future. So give this a watch if you're hardcore for Kombat or just want to judge it for yourself.

The Last Samurai

Alright America, you did good.

It was about high time after many reviews of films set in a very specific time in history to see if american filmmakers could succesfuly pay tribute to the elite class of warriors known the world over. And while it does take a grab bag of different historical elements, and not being a straight up historical recounting, the story it crafts is excellent. An american soldier is hired to train japanese soldiers in an attempt to quell a samurai rebellion, however after the first encounter he is taken by the samurai and spends months with them. He learns a bit of the language, their lifestyle, forms friendships, and eventually fights with them against the Imperial Army. It's a lot better than I'm making it out to be, this is not your cookie cutter Pocahontas/Dances With Wolves/Avatar horseshit, it has a lot more meat to it whether you're familiar with the time frame and culture or not. Surprisingly the film did much better in Japan than America, receiving a lot of praise and a very good box office intake while domestically it didn't even make it's budget back. It's a bit of a shame to see people in my own country still refuse to view films in different languages, it's not as bad as it was when this film released but it could always be better. And it is worth your time, it does go at a slow pace but never to the point of being boring or dragging at places, every scene has a reason to be, the shots are ridiculously gorgeous at times, the music is nice, the acting is the reason you stay invested even though the story is a strong one. I wasn't quite sure what to expect from Tom Cruise's character, but to see a very broken down, emotionally damaged, full on PTSD afflicted army officer who finds a bit of solace in a small village while gaining appreciation for the warriors who live there and continually learns more about them is a good narrative. It helps center even the most uncultured of individuals to understand what they are seeing. Ken Watanabe is amazing as always, so good he got his first and only Academy Award nomination which I find to be just inexcusable by the way, his character is against the rapid modernization and dissolving of his creed yet he doesn't take an antagonistic edge. The movie is more about the clashing of ideologies than swords, during the latter half of the 1800s Japan was taking it's first steps into the modern world after about 200 years of self isolation, a country frozen in time and suffered countless civil wars. And the government essentially outlaws samurai, which was a very real thing that happened and affected a lot of people. So you can understand why he stands against the governement and more importantly the Emperor who he taught as a young boy, it's just a difference of opinions with no ill will towards the other. It's such a good dynamic because in war films, there is no good or evil but just a conflict that consumes all in it's wake whether you see the scars it leaves on others or not. Samurai have a code of ethics that is showcased in this movie, and the director obviously did his homework because the film implements so much of the time period and the culture in the movie, it really is very commendable. I was not disappointed with any facet of the finished product, and while there are inevitable discrepancies with history it never detracted from the overall experience. It really is a great film that has stuff to say and commits to it's vision from beginning to end. There's no tropes, there's no emotional manipulation, it just tells the story. That's an impressive feat for any film let alone a period piece. It really affirms why I appreciate and enjoy movies of that time period and culture, and I was flipping through other examples of samurai cinema outside of the Kurosawa library and there is so much more to enjoy so I'll pick a handful of other movies to discuss and share with next week from other classic names of the chanbara genre. I strongly recommend this movie even if it is a one time viewing, and I give it a full 4 stars, 8.5/10!

Rush Hour 3

Okay. You got me movie.

Rush Hour 3, honestly not that bad. Decent story that actually ties back to the first, with now ambassador Han having almost been assassinated brings Lee and Carter back together again this time hunting Triads in Paris, which honestly makes sense as the middle ground between America and China, it was gonna be in Europe no question. The action I feel was more involved and inventive than the second one, hell probably even outdoes the first. Cast once again does very fine work, and I must give the movie props for bringing back Tzi Ma as Han and while little Soo Yung is all grown up and is not the original actress, I'm not going to say a dang bad thing about Jingchu Zang, add Max Von Sydow to the equation and you got yourself a solid cast. The comedy wasn't as strong as the first but not as weak as the second, and really anytime an Abbot and Costello routine is performed I crack up so easily. So it's kind of a shock to go back to the most forgettable entry in this series, and find something really entertaining and worthwhile. That's never a bad thing in my book! I had a good time with this movie, true the first is still the best but it's a fairly solid trilogy when you get right down to it. I feel that while the brother subplot with Lee in this movie is interesting and really could bring some major good dialogue and moments it sadly was kinda just there and didn't do much, and I will admit the finale is slightly thrown off by CGI shots and kinda dodgy rear projections, so it's by no means perfect but they did put effort into it. This was by no means a cash grab of a series that again, hasn't been around for 6 years at that point, they had a fun story with interesting locations and setups and just went with it. Even I can agree that the filmmakers were looking to make another Rush Hour movie and not the absolute best Rush Hour movie, yet I still say it ended this series on a decent note and hasn't garnered a worse reputation in my eyes. So I dub this a win! 3 stars, 7/10, this is by no means some of the best martial arts movies I have seen but truthfully it's a pretty good starting place for future fans.