Ghostbusters (2016)

Motherf***er. I had no choice. Work screwed me over and I didn't want to leave you hanging until Friday. I hope you appreciate what I do for you.

Goddamn it. Alright, 2016 Ghostbusters, the review I never wanted to do. You know what the worst part is? This movie had just a few interesting things that I liked but you know how I sometimes run into movies and I can only say they are just adequate. A big ball of middle of the road. This is the antithesis of that. This is such a vacuous movie, quite possibly the most vacuous, unnecessary, biggest pile of nothing I have ever seen in my life. I don't even know how to properly talk about it, it's like the roughest sketch of the 1984 script but done by a very very poor script writer and director. No wait, I got it. It's like if a person who has never actually seen Ghostbusters but their friends are really into it, and they knew the most bare bones basics of the franchise, sat down and wrote out a story to share with those friends of theirs hoping to be accepted as part of the club. It has some semblance of recognizability but it has zero of the heart or humor of those movies. I barely have anything to say at this point. So let's talk about the brief good things I liked. I dig the new look of the Ecto-1, it's different but still nice looking. I like the progression of the proton packs, how it goes from this big blocky gun that literally needs a rolling desk full of equipment to work, to the slightly more refined backpacks, to innovative and neat gadgets like the pistols and the power glove. Leslie Jones is the best part of the movie period and made me laugh the most (and there was only 5 instances where I did laugh), she still has to work with this amateur script but can do a fair bit with it. I hold no hate to any of the main cast, I just know they should have been reigned in and given better material. Even my babe, Kate McKinnon couldn't save it, in fact the second I saw her in the trailer I thought she was going to effortlessly be my favorite character. But she wasn't really, her offbeat mannerisms and humor seemed more a product of desperately trying to stay afloat in the scene than genuine good acting. There's just so much holding me back from liking it, it's not a horrible story, it needed several friggin' drafts and re-edits but it could have been decent. For every neat little thing I liked there was 20 steps backwards. A phenomenal aura of uncomfortable silence permeated the room, almost staring into the void yet somehow much worse. If you gaze long enough into the abyss you can at least get existential and ask some monumental questions. There is no such escape in this movie. It stuns me shitless how little I can honestly say about it. It gave me so little to work with, I can't even just go on a verbal tidalwave of obscenity and abject rage because there is nothing there. It's like this zen like state where all of reality melts away into nothing and you remain with nothing to say. If our main stars had a terrific experience making this movie and have fun memories to hold onto for the rest of their lives, that's wonderful and I will never give them hell about it. But it's an unnecessary, pointless, empty shell that I will forever regret spending $3 to watch. 1 star, 1.5/10, I'm sorry I had to do this but I was going to take a bullet in some way or another, work or reviews. I can weather this. So thank you for putting up with this brief and unwanted detour, I really hope you'll join me tomorrow, goodnight.

Wonder Woman 1984

I would like to go on record and submit an apology. When I first saw the trailer I thought Nathan Fillion was in the role of Maxwell Lord and it was Pedro Pascal. I think this was significantly before I watched The Mandalorian so I did not know what he looked like, and I'm sorry about that.

Now that we got that out of the way, are you f***ing kidding me? Really? We're doing this again are we? You know what I am so sick of? I am so sick of hearing nothing but bad mouthing and shitting on a movie before I see it and when I finally do, it turns out to be a good, decent movie. Case in f***ing point, Wonder Woman 1984. I cannot tell you one thing good that was said about this movie when it first came out. Everytime. Every. Time. When this movie was brought up I heard bad things. Not specific things so nothing got spoiled in the slightest, but the ambiance was vastly negative even disappointing from people. What movie did you see in the theater, and how did it differ from the one I just rented? Did they pull a Snyder cut and re-edited the movie for the home video release, cause I got news for you I didn't see one goddamn thing that was bad in this movie, not even sub-par. You think I would be happy about that but really I am so aggravated and frankly pissed right the hell off. Like was the world just in a bad mood when this movie hit in 2020?? Jesus Christ, I mean yes some stuff was going down, bad stuff, but come on man. Not to say the movie was a masterpiece, nor would I say it's better than the first I'd give the first a 8/10, but there is not one aspect of this film's production that would get anything below a 6/10. The production design is quite good with ample various sets and locations, the music is very good both in Hans Zimmer's score and the pop tunes, the cast is excellent and in some cases you can see they are performing their heart out I mean they embody these roles for this generation, the action while less than the first was shot, choreographed, and produced well, the story while nothing ground breaking I felt was handled really good with Diana having a dilemma and Maxwell Lord rising to power. Sure there were off things, like how the invisible jet comes into play, Cheetah is really only in the film in the last 20 odd minutes, we don't get precise origins on the stone. And yet, it was nothing film breaking. I loved we got the invisible jet, the effects on Cheetah were not Cats quality (thank the lord), I could buy the stone was magic so you don't have to explain it. I got to see Diana and Steve reunited though with a consequence, and I have no issue they brought Chris Pine back. He has great chemistry with Gal, and I truly loved to see them be in the same movie again, and the dilemma Diana has to face in order to save the world is a decent one! Kristen Wiig pulled off the villain thing, starting off very Michelle Pfeiffer from Batman Returns, but you see the change gradually and while Cheetah kind of did pop out of nowhere, it didn't hurt her performance and I liked how she played it. Seeing Pedro Pascal have the time of his life in this role, played to the fullest extent with every shred of energy and emotion present from beginning to end was wonderful, marvellous even. Gal Gadot shows off her emotional range very well, she kind of acts her heart out in an important scene, and I felt she proved once again why she got this role, and I just got a wee smile on my face when I heard her speak her native language. That was a nice thing to see, plus that absolutely lovely cameo at the end. That was beyond sweet. I am just so stumped to pick bad parts out of this movie. Hell there were moments that stuck out to me so much, and not every comic book movie can accomplish such a thing which is odd because I'm a dork for this stuff. The jet scene with the fireworks was beautiful, such an good color palette throughout the film really, but the visuals were dazzling yet kept the emotion in the foreground. The scene where Diana flies was outstanding, I felt just like how I did when I saw Clark fly for the first time in Man Of Steel, that was done so well! Just...what am I missing? Either I'm a drooling moron who has no concept of what a good movie is and every other person speaks undeniable truths, or everyone is talking out of their stupid assholes and I'm right. And I am not happy I am thinking like that. At all. That is not a good mental state to be in ever. Even the most positive, affirming, beyond happy ending this movie has, that I have ever seen in my entire life, could not raise my spirits. The film is practically a beacon of positivity and hope for the human race, that the world could become the greatest nightmare ever imagined if you don't be truthful and just make decisions that only service you and not others. Sure it was a bit on the nose with Diana almost flat out speaking to the camera, but that does not mean that her words should mean less. I am just fuming, in virtual apathy for the world and it's inhabitants, and you know you wouldn't think Wonder Woman 1984 would be the film where I draw a line in the sand and marshall all the forces of darkness to descend hell upon my enemies and hound them to an assisted suicide, but here I am. I have no qualms burning bridges, even if those bridges have people on it. 3 stars, 7.5/10. If this horseshit keeps up I might just quit. Maybe even before the 1,000th review. I'm done.

Despicable Me 3

I hate it when I'm right!

This is the weakest Despicable Me movie, it's not even a fraction as funny as the last two, our main characters are still likable, the story is uneventful. I mean when you hear that Gru has a brother, and they do villain stuff, you expect them to kinda have fun with it, and they do.....in one single scene. It was just so underwhelming. I liked the villain but only because I love the 80s, so that's a positive (But not really). I don't know guys, this just really landed flat on me. Pretty much if you watched the trailers, you saw the movie. All the funny parts were in the trailer, the entire movie was in the trailer, so I'm gonna say it! Just watch the trailer. I do have to admit, the people in the theater enjoyed it and there were all kinds there, single persons, couples (even older than me), and of course families so maybe I'm wrong.